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please, untitled document was my father, call me untitled document (1)

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ideal living situation is what i call the 'sitcom special' : having all your closest friends live in the same apartment building or neighborhood where you each have your own space but can wander in and out of eachothers homes at will, seemingly always welcome and never at bad times. and also all of you only have jobs when its important to the plot.

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well yeah i have a pet hydra and it only has one head. i'm not going to cut its head off just to make it look cooler, you asshole. that's seriously unethical. and i'm not letting you cut its head off either. if you really want a hydra with multiple heads, you should go for a rescue- but if you want your pet to look cooler at the cost of its physical health, maybe you shouldn't get any kind of pet at all. no, the hydra's not for guarding my evil tower, it's my pet. have you ever heard of a pet? like a puppy or a kitty? you think i can't defend my evil tower by my self?

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I'm 75% anxiety and 25% silly goose

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did u know: according to scientists, in October the mitochondria turns into the frightochondria and becomes the haunted house of the cell

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"these researchers published a paper on something that literally any of us could have told you 🙄" ok well my supervisors wont let me write something in my thesis unless I can back it up with a citation so maybe it's a good thing that they're amplifying your voice to the scientific community in a way that prevents people from writing off your experiences as annecdotal evidence

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i'd like to introduce my daughter Nuance to tumblr

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remember how easy it used to be to just click the previous reblog and ssee it

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"family function"...? i didn't know it could do that

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no sorry i dont really use instagram, i can contact you via ouija board, spirit box, fluctuations in temperature, flickering lights, and certain rituals. i am also on tumblr.

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Catholic church doesnt even allow divorce if domestic violence is involved and vatican city wouldnt exist nowadays without the help of Benito fucking Mussolini and yet theres always some motherfucker being like i hope the next pope is pro gay marriage. I hope I get a house from Santa Claus this year. I hope a horse is going to buy me cheese in the grocery store

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I’ve had a tumblr for 4 years what the fuck am I doing with my life 

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me: *trying to take my socks off but they keep getting stuck on my heel* oh fuck. goddamnit.

the extractor fan in a bathroom in Norway that has an intrinsic link to my spirit: *momentarily whirs louder*

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hey uh if you have an unemployed person in your life and they haven't volunteered information about how the job hunt is going, it's probably because it's going badly!!!! and asking said unemployed person how it's going will only make them feel Bad because the job hunt is Bad. I guarantee you that when the unemployed person in your life has a substantial employment update they will tell you about it. otherwise don't ask unless you're literally going to offer them a job. thank youuuuu

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you can always write disgusting pornography btw. if you forgot

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Common mistake of new tumblr users is that they start off by only following art accounts that only post like monthly, and then they're confused by why their dash is so dead. Girlie you need to get yourself some Post Hunter Gatherers too to get a more varied experience

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no sorry i dont really use instagram, i can contact you via ouija board, spirit box, fluctuations in temperature, flickering lights, and certain rituals. i am also on tumblr.