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Pathography

Back in November of 2012, I was hospitalized due to dehydration that soon led to chronic diarrhea. And I can clearly remember it since it was the same day as my grandmother’s birthday. At first, I was experiencing a high fever, but then later on it got worse. I suddenly had difficulty breathing and my aunt rushed me to the hospital so I could get checked up. We thought that it was just a normal fever and that I would recover immediately. However, that was not the case. A few days later, my aunt noticed that my condition was getting worse since there were times that I was having a difficult time to properly breathe, and so, we went back to the doctors. The hospital told us that I should be transferred to the main branch of their hospital so I could be confined.

At first, I did not want to be confined since I have a phobia of injections and stuff, and I was aware that I would experience so many things that includes needles and so I convinced my aunt to not let me be confined. And obviously, she did not agree since it’s a must for me to be transferred and be confined. I did not have any choice but to agree, and on the same day, we called my school to let my teacher know that I would not be able to attend school for the meantime, and they agreed. And so, I got confined, and since I was still young, I used to cry a lot whenever the nurse would get my blood for it to be tested with the use of an injection. 

My experience made me realize that I do not like in Hospitals. And because of this experience, I was determined to take care of myself even more. Not only because I do not like the ambiance in Hospitals, but it was also very expensive to be hospitalized. I remember feeling so bad that time because the money that was supposed to be for my grandma’s birthday, went to my hospital bills. But they told me that health is supposed to be our priority, however, I still could not help but to feel bad. And after spending weeks in the hospital, I got out of the hospital. This whole experience taught me to take care of my health because we are not the only ones who can be affected, but the people around us as well.

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Pain is something that everyone feels regardless of who they are and what they are. No one is free from experiencing pain even if you are the most powerful person on the planet, you will experience pain. Every person experiences different types of pain. And people simply decide how to deal with it. I remember the phrase from the movie “The Fault in our Stars” that says “Pain demands to be felt” meaning, that the pain is here for a reason, and in order to heal the wounds that cause us pain, we must address the wounds and feel the pain.

Just like Bobby from the movie, “Prayers for Bobby”, in which he experienced incredible pain and struggle throughout his life just because his mom can not accept the fact he is gay because of her religious beliefs. Aside from his mom, he also experienced bullying and discrimination by the people who are around him. He was treated badly just because of how he identifies himself. And I must say that I can somehow relate to him at that particular moment. It’s because bullying can deteriorate your mental health and how you see yourself. Growing up, I was also bullied because of how skinny I was when I was younger, as well as having dark skin. I was called different names mostly by my classmates. Some of the names they used to call me was “skeleton” (due to my body appearance), they also referred to me as “kahoy” or wood because according to them, it is similar to my body and my skin color. I did not respond to any of the bullying that they did to me because I was scared and weak when I was younger. I was afraid that if I responded to them, they would treat me even worse. And because of that, I was very insecure with my body while growing up. Obviously, my experiences are not that similar with Bobby, but in the aspect of bullying, that’s where I can relate to him. Going back to bobby, soon enough, the treatment that he was receiving from people, he soon reached his limit, and committed suicide. And with this, it is obvious that Bobby’s mom went through the 5 stages of grief. And soon enough, she realized that she should have accepted Bobby for who he was. She regretted that she never got to show acceptance and love towards his son when he was still alive. However, after the realization hit her, she has fully shown support towards the LGBTQ+ community by attending parades and later became an activist.

This movie taught us that we should accept each other’s differences and treat everyone with kindness and respect. This movie is a reminder how the LGBTQ+ community receives discrimination for expressing their true selves. People should not forget that the members of this community are human beings and should not be treated with any kinds of hate and discrimination. We must treat each other with love and respect regardless of our differences.

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New Normal, New Me

 Life during pandemic is such a crazy experience. There’s a that you were excited to do some stuff that you planned earlier, and then suddenly it went *poof* canceled due to the Covid-19 pandemic. One of the prime examples that I can tell you is our reunion with my former classmates from my former school. We were very excited about stuff that we planned ahead of time, but suddenly, we are not very excited anymore since lockdown and the quarantine has officially started. Obviously, this is not the only experience that I had when I meant that my life during the pandemic was crazy. The other example is that my mom, who is an OFW working in Dubai, was supposed to come home here back in 2020. But since flights have been canceled, her vacation did not go through as planned. We were very devastated since we were all looking forward to seeing her since it’s been a while since the last time she came home with us in the Philippines. Even though I was devastated and saddened due to the cancellation of our plans, of course I understand that it needs to be canceled to prevent the possibility of further spreading of the virus. After that, we were all staying at home along with some of my relatives. And that’s when my anxiety started worsening. I was very anxious at the time because of the situation that the world was currently facing. I was anxious and worried that one of my friends or relatives would catch the virus, but I am glad that none of them has caught the virus. I am a very anxious person, but since the pandemic started, I think my anxiety has gotten a lot worse than it already was. I could not tell my relatives since I am afraid of what their reactions might be, so I decided to just keep it to myself. However, as much as I was very anxious during those times, I also realized and learned so many lessons with my experiences. I must say that there were also positive effects that this whole social distancing has done to me as a person. It gave me time to reflect and discover more about myself. One thing that this pandemic has made me realize is that “Time is precious”. I remember back in 2019 where I was wishing that the year would end already since I was kind of thinking that the year has not been so great to me. But when 2020 stepped and came into the picture, that’s where I realized how happy I was during the year 2019. And I was wishing so bad that I could go back and relive those moments because the year 2020 has been so bad to me, this time's for real. But I would be lying if I did not say that I also have some memorable moments during quarantine. As someone who has a really bad social anxiety, I guess I liked the idea of not being able to go outside, of course I am not happy that there is a pandemic, but the part where we are not able to go outside is what makes me somewhat relieved. And so, online classes started around August 2020. At first, I was nervous since this is a new thing, not just for me, but for all of us obviously. It makes me nervous since we are in a new set up and new learning environment that I am not familiar with. When online classes started, that’s when I realized how different it is than face to face classes since we are not really able to interact with our classmates and teachers just like how we used to. Learning at home without teachers seemed weird. I occasionally ran into tech problems because this was a new learning experience, which gave me a lot of worry. I became quite frightened by this and began to question my ability to succeed in distant learning. We also had a new way to accomplish our activities and exams. Although it’s hard, knowing that there were so many people who were facing different challenges like some people were losing their jobs, some were losing their loved ones, and some were having a hard time keeping up with the new normal. But I still tried my best to be in a better condition despite what's happening with the world by  watching different Netflix shows.

This is also one of the positive effects that quarantine had on me, which is to have a time to maintain and improve my art skills during the months of lockdown. I have loved drawing ever since I was little, but I took the time where we were stuck in our homes to experiment different kinds of art styles. And thankfully, it really did work! My art somehow had an improvement throughout the days and weeks of experimenting which made me so happy. Aside from my drawing/art skills, I also used those days as an opportunity to reflect on myself on which aspect or parts of myself I should improve. I also realized so many things about myself during this quarantine. I am a kind of person who likes to be appreciated and be loved by the people that surround me. I mean, everyone likes the feelings of these things, but I never realized that one of the main reasons that I am more eager to show the better version of myself (aside from myself) was because of the people around me. I try to think and remind myself as much as possible that not everyone will like you or be satisfied with who you are as a person, but you can always still do your best regardless of what they think of you. And if you made a mistake, you can always stand up and learn from those mistakes in order for you to grow as a mature and responsible person.

Throughout this pandemic, I realized that Boundaries are key. I learned setting healthy boundaries is a crucial form of self-care that is not always easy. I still have to work at it, but now I am trying to set boundaries about how I spend my time and what commitments are achievable for me. I prioritize people and activities that fill my cup. But despite all the negative situations that have occurred during those times, I can still say that it is something that is worth remembering. And with those experiences, I also learned so many things such as handling my own feelings and emotions, and also, I feel like I became even more close with my family. Talking to a trusted person, such as a friend or family member, can be a quick and easy way to feel better. You can keep a journal. When we tell someone what is bothering us, we are more likely to feel relieved and better understand the situation we are in and the feelings that come with it. I had to learn that asking for help when I needed it was acceptable, and I also learned how to do it. Your family, friends, coworkers, supervisor, teachers, advisers, and career coaches can all offer help. They serve as your safety net during difficult times. I am a kind of person who likes to be appreciated and be loved by the people that surround me. I mean, everyone likes the feelings of these things, but I never realized that one of the main reasons that I am more eager to show the better version of myself (aside from myself) was because of the people around me. Back then, I was so conscious of what other people thought of me, but then I realized that their opinion does not matter to me and that the only thing that matters is I am satisfied with myself or for who I am as a person, as well as my close and loved ones. But I admit that there are still times that I am affected or conscious of what other people might think of me. However, there are times that even my family and friends can not fill the void and sadness that I have in my heart. Sure, your family is close by, and you may even have extended family members living with you. Sure, you could talk to your significant other or friends online every night. Nonetheless, you can't help but feel lonely. Even if you are at home with family, social isolation can cause feelings of loneliness, sadness, and anxiety. You may also discover that spending all day, every day with your family, no matter how much you love them, is stressful and challenging. Our capacity to achieve our goals and maintain our mental health were both negatively impacted by the pandemic's stress. Finding balance in my academic, professional, and personal lives requires me to stop, step back, and assess what I can and cannot handle. With all these negative and positive experiences, I am sure that I will be stronger and will be braver to face whatever challenges that I may face in the future. This pandemic has taught me so many realizations in life. I just need to trust myself and the people around me in helping me express and show the best version of myself. It may not always be easy, but I am sure that with the help of the people around me as well as myself, I can get through it. As others say, there will always be a rainbow after a rain.

Nicole Angela Reyes <3

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CNF Fashion Article: Symphony of Light

#fashionarticle #symphony #of #light

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Character Sketch

Samantha, also known as sami or sam, is often known as someone who is loud and friendly, well she is all that. but what people don't know is that she's also shy, anxious, and sometimes introverted. her dreams varies with each tv show she watches and can't seem to make up her mind about which color is truly her favorite. she's a big fan of music and uses it to cope with whatever she is feeling, she especially likes the group SEVENTEEN. she is fond of bold and bright colors but occasionally enjoys soft and pale ones. that's how people perceive her. something bright and fun but also calm and soothing, her dream courses would be communications or psychology, she is fascinated by the wonders of the human behavior and would love to understand it more, she's the 3rd daughter out of 4 so that means she is used to fighting for the spotlight, always wanting to be noticed and be attended to. but also afraid to stand out, it's quite exhausting to be a middle child, yet she is still here thriving at life, she finds solace in being a part of a purpose, she is outspoken in her needs and wants but is not the same with her actions, ps. she has anxiety, I think sami is interesting in terms of the way she thinks and behave around others, she chooses her friends before truly trusting them, she likes it when people remember the little things about her and exclaims when something excites her. there was never a doubt in my mind that she will be liked by people, but only a few are the ones that matter. and to me, sami is a great friend, a great classmate and i'm very thankful for her kindness and that i hope and wish that we would become even closer as the years of us being classmates goes by. 12/03/2022 ♡