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i’m  still  a  believer  and  i  don’t  know  why    …    i’ve  never  been  a  natural  all  i  do  is  try ,  try ,  try.     /    independent ,  private  multi  muse.    featuring  canon  and  original  characters.    as  loved  by  astra.

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honey ,    you’re    a    goddamn    wildfire     …     you    choose    who    you    burn.

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                                    —  LIKE  THIS  FOR  A  SMALL  STARTER !

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did my finger slip? yes. am i still setting shit up? also yes.

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me: no more blogs me: or you could finally release bobbi to the public me: or make kate bishop me: or make poison ivy me: or remake the one everyone hates me: OR JUST USE YOUR FUCKING MULTI, YOU DINGUS.

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MOON  DUST  IN  YOUR  LUNGS,     stars  in  your  eyes,     you  are  a  child  of  the  cosmos,     A  RULER  OF  THE  SKIES.          (flown  by  trick  21+)

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*   𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐑  𝐁𝐘  𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐀  𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐎  .      lyric starters from sour, change pronouns as needed.

𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐥 .

❛   i  want  it  to  be ,  like ,  messy .  ❜ ❛   i’m  so  insecure .  ❜ ❛   i’m  so  caught  up  in  the  news  of  who  likes  me  and  who  hates  you .  ❜ ❛   they’d  all  be  so  disappointed .  ❜ ❛   where’s  my  fucking  teenage  dream ?  ❜ ❛   i  don't  stick  up  for  myself .  ❜ ❛   i'm  anxious  and  nothing  can  help .  ❜ ❛   i  wish  people  liked  me  more .  ❜ ❛   all  i  did  was  try  my  best .  ❜ ❛   this  the  kind  of  thanks  i  get ?  ❜ ❛   i  wish  i  could  disappear .  ❜ ❛   god ,  it’s  brutal  out  here .  ❜ ❛   i  feel  like  no  one  wants  me .  ❜ ❛   i  only  have  two  real  friends .  ❜

𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐫 .

❛   i  played  dumb  but  i  always  knew .  ❜ ❛   i  kept  quiet  so  i  could  keep  you .  ❜ ❛   ain’t  it  funny  how  you  said  you  were  friends ?  ❜ ❛   you  betrayed  me .  ❜ ❛   i  know  that  you’ll  never  feel  sorry .  ❜ ❛   loved  you  at  your  worst  but  that  didn’t  matter .  ❜ ❛   but  you’re  still  a  traitor .  ❜ ❛   there’s  no  damn  way  that  you  could  fall  in  love  with  somebody  that  quickly .  ❜ ❛   and  you  told  me  i  was  paranoid .  ❜ ❛   i  wish  that  you  had  thought  this  through  before  i  went  and  fell  in  love  with  you .  ❜

𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 .

❛   i  got  my  driver's  license  last  week .  ❜ ❛   she’s  everything  i’m  insecure  about .  ❜ ❛   how  could  i  ever  love  someone  else ?  ❜ ❛   i  know  we  weren’t  perfect  but  i’ve  never  felt  this  way  for  no  one .  ❜ ❛   i  just  can’t  imagine  how  you  could  be  so  okay  now  that  i’m  gone .  ❜ ❛   all  my  friends  are  tired  of  hearing  how  much  i  miss  you .  ❜ ❛   i  kinda  feel  sorry  for  them .  ❜ ❛   they’ll  never  know  you  the  way  that  i  do .  ❜ ❛   i  guess  you  didn’t  mean  what  you  wrote  in  that  song  about  me .  ❜ ❛   i  still  see  your  face  in  the  white  cars .  ❜ ❛   can’t  drive  past  the  places  we  used  to  go  to .  ❜ ❛   i  still  fuckin’  love  you .  ❜ ❛   i  still  hear  your  voice  in  the  traffic .  ❜ ❛   you  said  forever .  ❜ ❛   now  i  drive  alone  past  your  street .  ❜

𝟏 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝, 𝟑 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐬 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 .

❛   i  called  you  on  the  phone  today .  ❜ ❛   all  i  did  was  speak  normally .  ❜ ❛   somehow  i  still  struck  a  nerve .  ❜ ❛   you  got  me  fucked  up  in  the  head .  ❜ ❛   never  doubted  myself  so  much .  ❜ ❛   like  am  i  pretty ?  ❜ ❛   i  hate  that  i  give  you  power  over  that  kinda  stuff .  ❜ ❛   it’s  always  one  step  forward  and  three  steps  back .  ❜ ❛   i’m  the  love  of  your  life  until  i  make  you  mad .  ❜ ❛   do  you  love  me ,  want  me ,  hate  me ?  ❜ ❛   no,  i  don’t  understand .  ❜ ❛   maybe  in  some  masochistic  way  i  kind  of  find  it  all  exciting .  ❜ ❛   which  lover  will  i  get  today ?  ❜ ❛   will  you  walk  me  to  the  door  or  send  me  home  crying ?  ❜ ❛   did  i  say  something  wrong ?  ❜ ❛   did  i  do  something  wrong ?  ❜ ❛   maybe  this  is  all  your  fault  instead .  ❜ ❛   i’d  leave  you,  but  the  rollercoaster’s  all  i’ve  ever  had .  ❜

𝐝𝐞𝐣𝐚 𝐯𝐮 .

❛   i  bet  she’s  braggin’  to  all  her  friends .  ❜ ❛   so  when  you  gonna  tell  her  that  we  did  that ,  too ?  ❜ ❛   she  thinks  it’s  special,  but  it’s  all  reused .  ❜ ❛   do  you  call  her ,  almost  say  my  name ?  ❜ ❛   that  was  our  place .  ❜ ❛   i  found  it  first .  ❜ ❛   do  you  get  déjà  vu ?  ❜ ❛   let’s  be  honest ,  we  kinda  do  sound  the  same .  ❜ ❛   i  hate  to  think  that  i  was  just  your  type .  ❜ ❛   that  was  the  show  we  talked  about .  ❜ ❛   don’t  act  like  we  didn’t  do  that  shit ,  too .  ❜ ❛   a  different  girl  now,  but  there’s  nothing  new .  ❜

𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝟒 𝐮 .

❛   well ,  good  for  you .  ❜ ❛   i  guess  you  moved  on  really  easily .  ❜ ❛   remember  when  you  said  that  you  wanted  to  give  me  the  world ?  ❜ ❛   you  look  happy  and  healthy .  ❜ ❛   not  me ,  if  you  ever  cared  to  ask .  ❜ ❛   you’re  doin’  great  out  there  without  me .  ❜ ❛   god ,  i  wish  that  i  could  do  that .  ❜ ❛   i’ve  lost  my  mind .  ❜ ❛   i’ve  spent  the  night  cryin’  on  the  floor  of  my  bathroom .  ❜ ❛   you’re  so  unaffected .  ❜ ❛   i  really  don’t  get  it .  ❜ ❛   i  guess  you’re  gettin’  everything  you  want .  ❜ ❛   it’s  like  we  never  even  happened .  ❜ ❛   what  the  fuck  is  up  with  that ?  ❜ ❛   it’s  like  you  never  even  met  me .  ❜ ❛   remember  when  you  swore  to  god  i  was  the  only  person  who  ever  got  you ?  ❜ ❛   you  will  never  have  to  hurt  the  way  you  know  that  i  do .  ❜ ❛   maybe  i’m  too  emotional .  ❜ ❛   your  apathy’s  like  a  wound  in  salt .  ❜ ❛   maybe  you  never  cared  at  all .  ❜

𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 .

❛   ‘cause  i  thought  you’d  like  me  more .  ❜ ❛   tried  so  hard  to  be  everything  that  you liked .  ❜ ❛   stupid ,  emotional ,  obsessive  little  me .  ❜ ❛   i  knew  from  the  start  this  is  exactly  how  you’d  leave .  ❜ ❛   the  nеxt  second,  you  were  gone .  ❜ ❛   you  left  me  there  crying .  ❜ ❛   you  always  say  i’m  never  satisfied .  ❜ ❛   but  i  don’t  think  that’s  true .  ❜ ❛   all  i  ever  wanted  was  to  be  enough  for  you .  ❜ ❛   maybe  i’m  just  not  as  interesting .  ❜ ❛   you  couldn’t  have  cared  less  about  someone  who  loved  you  more .  ❜ ❛   i’d  say  you  broke  my  heart .  ❜ ❛   but  you  broke  much  more  than  that .  ❜ ❛   now  i  don’t  want  your  sympathy .  ❜ ❛   i  just  want  myself  back .  ❜ ❛   don’t  you  think  i  loved  you  too  much  to  be  used  and  discarded ?  ❜ ❛   don’t  you  think  i  loved  you  too  much  to  think  i  deserve  nothing ?  ❜ ❛   don’t  tell  me  you’re  sorry .  ❜ ❛   feel  sorry  for  yourself .  ❜ ❛   someday  i’ll  be  everything  to  somebody  else .  ❜ ❛   you’ll  be  the  one  who’s  crying .  ❜ ❛   i  don’t  think  anything  could  ever  be  enough  for  you .  ❜

𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫 .

❛   i  thought  my  heart  was  detached .  ❜ ❛   does  she  mean  you  forgot  about  me ?  ❜ ❛   i  hope  you’re  happy  but  not  like  how  you  were  with  me .  ❜ ❛   i’m  selfish,  i  know  .  ❜ ❛   i  hope  you’re  happy .  ❜ ❛   but  don’t  be  happier .  ❜ ❛   an  eternal  love  bullshit  you  know  you’ll  never  mean .  ❜ ❛   now  i’m  pickin’  her  apart .  ❜ ❛   i  wish  you  all  the  best ,  really .  ❜ ❛   i  hope  you’re  happy,  but  don’t  be  happier .  ❜

𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐲, 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐲 .

❛   i  kinda  wanna  throw  my  phone  across  the  room .  ❜ ❛   wish  i  didn’t  care .  ❜ ❛   i  know  their  beauty’s  not  my  lack .  ❜ ❛   It  feels  like  that  weight  is  on  my  back .  ❜ ❛   i  can’t  let  it  go .  ❜ ❛   comparison  is  killing  me  slowly .  ❜ ❛   i  think  i  think  too  much .  ❜ ❛   i’m  so  sick  of  myself .  ❜ ❛   i’d  rather  be  anyone  else .  ❜ ❛   my  jealousy  started  following  me .  ❜ ❛   i  see  everyone  getting  all  the  things  i  want .  ❜ ❛   i’m  happy  for  them,  but  then  again,  i’m  not .  ❜ ❛   i  can’t  stand  it .  ❜ ❛   oh  god ,  i  sound  crazy .  ❜ ❛   their  win  is  not  my  loss .  ❜ ❛   i  can’t  help  getting  caught  up  in  it  all .  ❜ ❛   all  your  friends  are  so  cool .  ❜ ❛   yeah,  you’re  living  the  life .  ❜ ❛   i  wanna  be  you  so  bad .  ❜ ❛   i  don’t  even  know  you .  ❜ ❛   all  i  see  is  what  i  should  be .  ❜

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞 .

❛   know  that  i  loved  you  so  bad .  ❜ ❛   i  let  you  treat  me  like  that .  ❜ ❛   i  was  your  willing  accomplice .  ❜ ❛   i  watched  as  you  fled  the  scene .  ❜ ❛   the  things  i  did  just  so  i  could  call  you  mine .  ❜ ❛   i  hope  i  was  your  favorite  crime .  ❜ ❛   you  used  me  as  an  alibi .  ❜ ❛   i  crossed  my  heart  as  you  crossed  the  line .  ❜ ❛   i  defended  you  to  all  my  friends .  ❜ ❛   you  know  that  i’d  do  it  all  again .  ❜ ❛   it’s  bittersweet  to  think  about  the  damage  that  we’d  do .  ❜ ❛   i  was  doin’  it  with  you .  ❜ ❛   i  say  that  i  hate  you  with  a  smile  on  my  face .  ❜ ❛   look  what  we  became .  ❜

𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐤 .

❛   somehow  we  fell  out  of  touch .  ❜ ❛   hope  he  took  his  bad  deal  and  made  a  royal  flush .  ❜ ❛   don’t  know  if  i’ll  see  you  again  someday .  ❜ ❛   i  hope  that  you’re  okay .  ❜ ❛   we  don’t  talk  much .  ❜ ❛   i  just  gotta  say  i  miss  you .  ❜ ❛   address  the  letters  to  the  holes  in  my  butterfly  wings .  ❜ ❛   nothing’s  forever .  ❜ ❛   nothing’s  as  good  as  it  seems .  ❜ ❛   i  hope  you  know  how  proud  i  am  you  were  created .  ❜ ❛   i  hope  that  you’re  happier  today .  ❜

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𝖳𝖠𝖱𝖦𝖤𝖳  𝖨𝖣𝖤𝖭𝖳𝖨𝖥𝖨𝖤𝖣.    [   ...   ]    mutually  exclusive  yelena  belova.  as  loved  by  astra.   ©

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                                    —  LIKE  THIS  FOR  A  SMALL  STARTER !

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⟡1K CELEBRATION⟡

↳ color palette meme (@nancybycrs requested : rosapt1 + yelena)

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FLORENCE PUGH As Yelena Belova in Black Widow (2021).

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@gloryguarded​ said:  “ i never let myself be alone long enough to think about it. ”

dark  days  ...  when  all  that  had  kept  her  going  was  the  passing  of  thoughts.  who  would  she  be  if  she  could  be  anyone.  how  different  could  their  live  be  if  they  never  left  ohio.  the  endless  parade  OF  WHAT  IFS  AND  COULD  HAVE  BEENS.  and  worse  than  that  —  wishes.  one  that  only  gave  way  to  shattered  heart  every  time.  crushing  blow  of  reality  never  got  easier.  no  matter  how  much  she  prepared  for  the  break  ..  it  hurt  all  the  same.  

“    hm.    ”      uninterested  is  half  her  answer.   given  with  a  shrug  of  shoulders  that  won’t  tell  of  nerves  burning  in  her  chest.  what  was  that  like ?  not  thinking  about  all  the  lives  that  never  got  lived.      “    that  must’ve  been  easy  in  prison.    ”      IT  FEELS  LIKE  A  CHEAP  SHOT.  spat  from  her  tongue ,  in  place  of  a  joke  about  not  having  any  alone  time.  but  all  she  wants  to  know   —   what  was  it  like  to  not  be  trapped  in  the  cage  of  one’s  own  mind  ?

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these  are  officially  my  two  favorite  icons.  bye.

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» black  widow  movie  quotes.

PART  TWO.

“ move to the door on the south wall. ” “ just don’t make a scene. ” “ you made a scene, didn’t you? ” “ move your ass, super soldier. ” “ what are you doing? Are you kidding me? ” “ we’re both doing a really good job. ” “ this would be a cool way to die. ” “ why the aggression, huh? ” “ you don’t have to get so clinical and nasty. ” “ it means so much to me that you came back for me. ” “ can we throw him out the window now? ” “ i think we should wait till we get to a higher altitude. ” “ i swear, if I hear one more word from him, I will kick him in the face. ” “ what is with this tension? did I do something wrong? ” “ no one can match your efficiency, your ruthlessness. ” “ you both have killed so many people. ” “ you smell really bad. ” “ if you got soft, it wasn’t on my watch. ” “ i didn’t say anything. that’s not fair. ” “ you can’t defeat a man who commands the very will of others. ” “ you named a pig after me? ” “ the world functions on a higher level when it is controlled. ” “ our family was never real, so there’s nothing to hold on to. ”  “ please don’t say that. it was real. ” “ the best part of my life was fake. and none of you told me. ” “ i came in here because I didn’t want to talk. ” “ i wish I could believe that you cared. ” “ you were selected by a program that assessed the genetic potential in infants. ” “ i believe a bargain was struck, your family paid off. ” “ i’ve always found it best not to look into the past. ” “ tell me, how did you keep your heart? ” “ this is a much less cool way to die. ” “ you have a two-inch blade concealed in your beltline. ” “ is this your haunted past? ” “ you just sent away the one thing that would stop me from killing you. ” “ how are you controlling me? ” “ when was the last time that you had a conversation with somebody that wasn’t forced to talk to you? ” “ if I don’t tell you when to stop, then how will you know when to shut up? ” “ come on, think i can’t take a punch? ” “ you seem desperate to impress me. ” “ thank you for your cooperation. ” “ slight change of plan. i completely demolished one of the engines and we are going into a controlled crash. ” “ you get to make your own choices now. ” “ i am clearly injured. ” “ okay, well, if you’re leaving, then I guess you should take this. ” “ you came back for us? ” “ you ever not sleep? ” “ you see what i can get you with a bit of time and money? ” “ you’ve always been a really good friend to me. ” “ you’re not supposed to be bothering me on my holiday time. ” “ coming here makes you look desperate. ” “ i want a raise. ” “ i’ve got your next target. ” “ maybe you’d like a shot at the man responsible for your sister’s death. ”

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@ineij​​  said  :  “ you chip away the old version of you, you’d be surprised at what you can do.”

“                   is  that  what  you  think  you’re  doing ?    ”      bitter  tone  rolls  from  her  tongue.  there’s  an  unspoken  fear  sitting  in  the  air.  pressed  against  white  teeth ,  sharpened  into  fangs.    TWO    TRAINED    KILLERS.    women  raised  in  the  art  of  destruction.  be  it  to  single  persons  standing  in  the  way.  or  empires  that  had  long  overstayed  a  welcome.  there  was  nothing  they  could  not  bring  to  the  end  of  days.  and  yet   ...  she  questions  motives.  hesitates  if  honesty  is  what  was  being  shared.  or  maybe  cutting  inej’s  words  down ,   minimizing  their  impact  is  only  power  move  she  has  left.  anything  else  gives  too  much  to  the  vulnerable  muscle  pounding  away  at  trembled  ribcage.      “    ho  —  how  do  you  know  what  is  the  old  you ?    ”

THE  OLD  VERSION       ...      rotting  beneath  the  skin.    she’s  lost  her  fight.    any  screaming  and  begging  to  be  set  free  died  years  ago.  it’s  nice  to  think  she  has  found  her  sense  of  peace.  a  happy  place  tucked  on  quiet  street  corners  in  ohio.  driving  around  in  daddy’s  truck.  singing  at  the  top  of  burning  lungs.  that’s  the  only  old  version  worth  remembering.  an  innocence  that  will  never  be  won  back.  no  matter  how  much  can  be  undone   —  the  blood  stains  don’t  wash  away.

crack  in  protective  shell.    immediately  rises  the  urge  to  hide  within  herself.    to  not  be  seen  under  the  careful  gaze  that  is  looking  too  far  into  her.          AN    ECHO   OF    SHARED    EXPERIENCE.      “    i  look  and   ...   i  don’t  see  me.  i  see  what  they  made  me.  what  if  all  we  are  underneath  is  the  red  room ,  hm ?   ”

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Yelena Belova + text posts

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the amount of words i have googled in russian today. prayer circle my boss doesn’t look at my browser history bc what an awkward convo .........