sevsthoughts

[sevsthoughts]

Truth, Tales, and Tattered Nails

Truth:

I was angry for so long for what they did to me. I would have died to prove they never cared, I tried. Thankfully…someone cared enough to pull me from the street.

Tales:

I told everyone I was okay…for a long time. I didn’t think anyone wanted to hear me. No one ever did before. So I put my tears in a jar and locked it in my closet, only to find myself going back often. I’d open my heart, and my eyes would flood with stinging tears, full of toxin.

Tattered Nails:

I used to hang myself with nails much too rusty to stay put. They would break, and bend, and bring me back to the ground, crashing, flailing, screaming…crying. But I never bought new nails.

I would pick up those old rusty nails, pierce my hands and feet, stick them to the wall, and hope I would fall.

I was poison to myself. I didn’t want to get better. I was angry. I was hoping they would save me. They never even looked at me.

I am me now. I am truth now. I am unapologetically, brutally, painfully…truth. Tales turned around until they opposed their former self, they were no longer a hiding place to stay in. I tossed those old tattered nails into the water, watched them drown as they pleaded for me to save them…I would not. I am free from the sin I was spoon feeding my younger self. Hatred for life, turned into love far stronger than I ever imagined.

Please don’t hurt for me, I am finally whole. My life is just beginning. It took me too long to realize that I have the capacity to create my own soul. I can taint it…or I can paint it, into something brilliant, and bright, and shining. I can write it into something more than just words, and lies scribbled onto paper. I can draw myself to be exactly who I want to be…and god damn am I getting good at that.

Pain, lies, and lidocaine is all I ever thought I could see. Holy shit, how wrong could I actually be?!?

Forgive me. For every thing I ever did to you, I had not become who I was supposed to be…but I’m here now.

Forgive me. Please.

-Sev

[sevsthoughts]

I’ve been gone for a while. I’m Sorry.

I’ve been good, I’ve been happy. I’m Sorry.

I’ve been figuring out who I am. I’m Sorry.

— I don’t really need to apologize anymore. —

Finally, I know who I am. I’ve seen myself without the mask. It’s Scary!

She’s seen it too. She says it’s me. She says she’s happy!

I didn’t think I would ever heal. I didn’t know it was because I wasn’t trying. Funny!

I lost my empathy a long time ago but-

She’s showing me where I left it, taking me through my memories so that I don’t repress it.

She’s wading with me through revisited hell, she’s touching the light and making it brighter, she’s showing me that life can be lighter…she is holding my life in her fingers, and I have never been keener. To let her. She is soft, she is supple, she is sweet.

She is mine, and I am undoubtedly hers.

—. I waited for death but he never came, life found me anyway, now I’ll never be the same.—

This is okay. I’m okay. I’ll be okay.

Thank you A

-Sincerely, S

[sevsthoughts]

Little Alien Thoughts

Sometimes I hear voices, some that aren't mine.

Sometimes I feel voiceless, little thoughts begin to shine.

Sometimes I see poisons, swimming around my mind.

Sometimes I make choices, that make me hard to find.

I desire more for me, but I just can't let loose.

I'm nothing, if not, war for me.

Might just tie this noose.

[sevsthoughts]

I feel

-lonely

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So, why don't you meet me on the shore/of Venice/ cause you're the only thing I want more/than this/

Sebastian Pyle

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I don't love me anymore, I haven't felt it in years

Dusty Hearts and Tattered Dreams

It's who I'm meant to be.

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play this at my wedding or funeral I don’t care where but just plAY IT

[sevsthoughts]

so um idk if you still do requests n all? but could you write about..i guess losing a friend? i dunno

I sure can! Keep a lookout, I'll tag it with #requests

[sevsthoughts]

What’s one of your favorite songs?

I've been listening to I'm Sorry by Swell ft. Shiloh the most lately! So I suppose that would be my favorite, but Psilocybin by Jhene Aiko is a very close second! :)

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Creativity is my biggest flaw, I can never tell when something is real.

Sebastian Pyle

[sevsthoughts]

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The sun will rise and we will try again I don’t wanne try again.

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Pierpont Morgan Library & Museum, NYC

[sevsthoughts]

Reblog if you're a Safety Blog

Reblog this and other people will know they can come to you if they’re feeling bad and they won’t be judged for it

[sevsthoughts]

If a writer falls in love with you, you can never die.

Mik Everett (via wordsnquotes)

[sevsthoughts]

I love you.

[sevsthoughts]

How does it felt like to love someone until you don’t love them anymore?

How does it feel? Like nothing. At the end anyways. I've been through a fiancé or two, and I'm okay. I loved like I was put on this earth for them, and only them, but... Eventually, that feeling dulls to nothing, and you can barely remember who they were. You know the name, but it's not in your head every waking moment... Like it used to be. Falling out of love with some one is just like falling in love with them, except opposite. You fell in love with them for their quirks, which you slowly began to hate the second they became yours. That's just love. You can't really change it, sometimes, you just realize that the person you devoted so much time into... Is not who you really want to be with. Sometimes though, you meet someone who makes you fall in love again, and the whole process starts over. You will meet someone you think you love, and not know a single thing about them a year later, and that's okay because... They taught you more of what you are actually looking for. Everything is a lesson, everything has a price. Often times... It's the price of pain. Learn from it, and find someone who fulfills you completely, then take your time. Love doesn't always do what you want it to, but it will always be the greatest teacher. Listen to her lessons, and find the one you love, not the one you desire.