shadow-and-purgatory
shadow-and-purgatory
No Thoughts Head Still Very Full ♦️
67K posts
I’m Florian :3 any pronouns I don’t give a fuck || adult || COMMISSIONS CURRENTLY OPEN
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shadow-and-purgatory · 19 minutes ago
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I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.
American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.
Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.
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shadow-and-purgatory · 30 minutes ago
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i hate dogs with blue eyes. why is fucking jeff the killer at my back door
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shadow-and-purgatory · 30 minutes ago
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i hate dogs with blue eyes. why is fucking jeff the killer at my back door
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shadow-and-purgatory · 3 hours ago
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I love Stardew Valley, it's such a comfortable game to play, but the plot feels a little light at times. I bet it would be more compelling if the farmer had amnesia, crippling substance dependence and was suffering so much mental degradation that he thought his clothes were speaking to him.
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shadow-and-purgatory · 3 hours ago
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shadow-and-purgatory · 5 hours ago
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I remember when people pretended to care about bees for a few years because they were an indicator species and now I’m getting replies to that post like “idc if all bugs die as long as we get rid of mosquitos and flies and cockroaches” YOURE GONNA FUCKING DIE!!!!! WE WILL DIE TOO!!!!! WE WILL ALL DIE WITHOUT BUGS!!!! IM NOT KIDDING!!!!
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shadow-and-purgatory · 6 hours ago
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I hate Nintendo Switch Online. I hate the lack of optimization. I hate the expensive subscription service. I hate the lack of games. I hate the limited time releases. I hate that it's never gonna have the level of content that the Wii virtual console had. I hate what capitalism has done to gaming.
This collection includes: All the GBA, GB and GBC games currently available on the Switch!!
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+ And a few extra bonus!! Mostly from the same series'seses
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Download here for free!!: https://www.mediafire.com/file/pzycxh6zu9b8drf/GBA_Online_PC.rar (405 MB Uncompressed)
They're all ready to be played in HD on PC. Just drag and drop the files on the included program
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shadow-and-purgatory · 6 hours ago
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Being a forgetful person while playing isat is a next level experience actually because you'll forget the rock trap or the bomb or to equip the right memory and then you'll scold yourself for being a forgetful idiot. Truly sink into the Siffrin mindset.
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shadow-and-purgatory · 8 hours ago
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Having a boyfriend is literally free
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shadow-and-purgatory · 8 hours ago
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In a truck stop bathroom washing my hands today and 2 boys, looked about 5 and 9, came in with their little sister who looked maybe 2. The following whispered conversation made my entire day
"We have to wait, there's a lady in here!"
"That's not a lady, he has a mustache! We can be in here!"
"Some ladies have mustaches! And she has boobs!"
"Well some guys have boobs! Like Uncle Jake!"
"Uncle Jake is fat!"
At this point I could not contain a chuckle and both whirled around with identical looks of panic on their faces. I smiled and said "it's alright for you guys to be in here so your sister has help, don't worry. And I'm both! That's why I have boobs and a mustache. Some folks are just built that way"
(In unison) "Ooooooh!"
(older boy) "So do you use Sir or Ma'am or both?"
"Both, but I prefer Sir"
"Cool! Well thanks Sir! We have to help our sister now!"
This was in a small town country truck stop and both boys had "Murica" type stuff on and neither of them had any issue at all with these concepts. Their mom approached me while I was in line about 10 minutes later and apologized for them bothering me in the bathroom (they had told her about the interaction) and she and I had a lovely little chat too. I got to introduce her to the term "intersex" and her reply was "I think I've heard of that before! I didn't know that was the word for it. Amazing how many different ways God can make people!"
Sometimes the world is good. More often than you might think, if you give it a chance. It's not all bad loves <3
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shadow-and-purgatory · 8 hours ago
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I went to a talk thing from a disney storyboard artist and i asked her how she got good at it and she no joke said ‘well i like to reference star trek deep space nine scripts’ and like 5 classmates who were there made half aborted screaming noises and pointed at me and i was just like SHUT UP AHUT UP AHUT AP SHU—T UP SHUT UP[
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shadow-and-purgatory · 8 hours ago
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shadow-and-purgatory · 8 hours ago
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shadow-and-purgatory · 11 hours ago
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remember that sasuke figurine that could hold up like literally fricking anythign
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shadow-and-purgatory · 12 hours ago
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shadow-and-purgatory · 12 hours ago
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I need y'all to watch this clip
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shadow-and-purgatory · 12 hours ago
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I think a lot of autistic taking-things-literally goes under the radar because what the diagnostic tests and shit ask about is not what that generally looks like in an adult and often not in kids either and much more importantly it’s not what generally actually causes problems in real life instead of being irritating for caretakers or funny to bullies or easy to diagnose
I have absolutely no issues understanding metaphors or idioms. When someone says their heart is on their sleeve they mean they’re emotionally expressive and openly display their feelings, not that they have a chunk of cardiac tissue on their shirt. I very rarely have issues with sarcasm. I sometimes have issues telling when someone who’s said something mean is about to say “just kidding”, but tbh I think that’s more on them than me.
BUT
My grandmother asked me “Do you know when the trash was taken out last?” and I said “I think Eliot took it out yesterday” and a few hours later she yelled at me for “not taking out the trash when I asked you to” and I was like???? You didn’t ask me????
I dread filling out forms and am crap at filling out diagnostic tests or personality quizzes because there are always questions I don’t know the exact answers to (how am I supposed to know what day I got dental surgery seven years ago?) or don’t understand exactly what they’re asking or the wording’s unclear and they could mean this or the wording says this but I’m pretty sure what they actually meant was this and should I answer what they said or what they meant, and how does everyone else just whip through the form when surely they can’t know all the answers either? Does everyone else remember the day they got dental surgery seven years ago?
I get tangled up by bureaucracy because the rules on the website say that for this you need that and for that you need the other and for the other you need something else for which you need the first thing, and I go in circles for hours or days or weeks or months or years because their stated rules say there is no way to get what I need, and when I talk to somebody else they’re like “just call them?” and I’m like “how could that help? the rules say that what I’m trying to do is impossible”
And all of that? That’s how “taking things literally” ACTUALLY affects your life as an adult. It’s not “haha you think ‘getting under your skin’ means parasites”. It’s “you have real difficulty functioning in the world because everyone else is conveying things through implication and assuming that you know that rules are flexible and questions are approximate and you’re supposed to lie on job applications, and you don’t”.
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