shadow-logan

[shadow-logan]

100 OC Questions - Answered

questions are c/o the-moon-dust-writings! bulleted responses are Shadow's and responses without a bullet are mine.

i've got his backstory up, but here's some quick context:

he's a reborn (looks like a teal-haired anime wolf boy)

he's been alive for 1 year in-game

26 y/o body

arcane trickster/bladesinger

he's a Harper, but is still trying to navigate his relationship with the Zhentarim

How do they present themselves to others?

like, disguised? Not disguised? What do they mean?

I think they mean just… What you're like when you first meet someone.

uh… Myself, usually

You're pretty standoffish. You like talking with people, but most people scare you.

this is true. I'm always searching for what makes them tick or what they're hiding.

2. Do they like animals?

YES

but they also confuse you.

yes

Care to explain?

animals don't make sense to me. Why can't they transform like Lily? Why do they choose those forms? And permanently?

… That's not how it works, but I see your point.

3. How do they dress?

clothes. Next question

Oh my god, Shadow. You dress in whatever's comfortable and available

bonus points if it's black

4. How many languages do they know?

does Thieves’ Cant count?

Sure

then… Technically…. Four, I guess. Common, Elvish, Thieves’ Cant, and a bit of Giant.

5. How big is their family?

… You answer this one. I don't wanna.

You consider Lily, Caim and Blaze family. Newer members to your family are Krowen, Vidar and your Tressym! Your winged snake familiar is special to you, too.

yeah. Just sucks that the Zhents still consider me family, but I'm starting to see that as… Not that.

I won't push you closer or away from them. I just want you to be happy and safe.

sigh yeah. Family sucks sometimes.

6. What is their purpose in the story?

my friends and I are adventuring together to root out the cause of the Giants’ behaviour. I'm also on a quest for ALL of the knowledge!

7. Do they know how to fight?

Several styles, actually!

yeah!! I've been developing my own sword scales!! And my magic is slowly growing more powerful. It's scary, but really cool, too!!

8. What is their back story?

Both: gesture to 40 pages of backstory "that"

9. Why is their name, their name?

I can't remember if I was like, "ah, shit!! I need a name!! Uhhhh…" Or if I was like, "you're gonna be 'Shadow' because it's edgy hehe"

either way, it works!! I'm a shadow of past lives and I'm starting to live my own life. I've taken on Logan's name, too, since it came to me when Jamna first asked for my name. I like the ring of Shadow-Logan.

7. Do they have any nick names?

not really? I guess Shart might be a nickname

Please don't give your friends that kind of power

8. Do they have a romantic interest?

Xavlith

9. How do they cope with struggles?

you don't.

wrong. I sit on rooftops and write to Selûne. She likes me, but I know she can't solve all of my problems for me. Even so, I like writing to her.

fair point. it works pretty well for you.

oh, i also rage and sign blood pacts, apparently

there it is.

10. Do they have anyone they can lean on?

Blaze is cool, but I've known Caim and Lily for longer. Caim's also saved my life a few times, so he's become a brother to me. I'm gonna go with Caim and Lily.

11. How do they react to someone dying?

depends on who it is. Myself? Been through it at least once, could probably handle it again. Friend? Not well. Enemies? Spits.

12. Can you name 5 personality traits they have?

i don't know, can you?

shut up lol. sigh. you're... determined, analytical, curious, adaptable and loyal.

interesting wait of saying "stubborn little shit who doesn't take 'no' for an answer", heh

oh my god, shut up. you're a cool dude, but you really don't let your guard down, ever. you'll stop at nothing on the pursuit of knowledge

you're not wrong

13. How did they become a character?

you needed a DND character. apparently i was a halfli--

*grabs his lips* YOU WERE ALWAYS A REBORN ANIME WOLF BOI. NEVER A HALFLING. NEVER A SHIFTER. UNEARTHED ARCANA??? NEVER HEARD OF IT.

14. Do they get along with others?

you try

not always successfully

you're getting better, though

... i appreciate it. it's hard being nice when you don't know a person's true motives

15. What flaws do they have?

both: "a lot"

oh, i'm fucking flawed. i'm angry, resentful and manipulative

to be fair, while not objectively great traits, they've helped you with certain dealings

16. How do they influence the story?

neither of us know how you truly influence the story

yeah, i guess we're kinda just vibing and seeing where the timeline takes us

17. What do they look like?

i'll post some art soon enough!

18. What are their hobbies?

writing, reading, doodling. also people-watching.

19. What are their ticks?

people tAKING TOO LONG TO SPEAK. STOP TALKING SO SLOWLY. JUST SPIT IT OUT, ALREADY, GODSDAMMIT.

20. Do they like children?

remember Kyla? the one with 2 moms? back in Silverymoon? she was cool. pretty sure she wasn't freaked out by me and was just curious. other than her? kids kinda just confuse me. why are they so small???

you're a unique case, Shadow. you rose from the dead. that's not the average person's experience.

but still... *visible consternation*

21. How do they react to being around wild animals?

i'm used to Lily--our Sea Elf Druid--being in Wildshape, so wild animals don't really freak me out. I like seeing and learning about them.

22. If they were given the task to prank someone, who would it be, what would they do, and would the prank work?

pretty sure you've pranked Caim before.

yeah, i just don't remember how... anyway, i'd probably prank Caim or Blaze. i wouldn't do anything malicious, just... uh... swap their salt and sugar or something. depends on where we're staying and what i have access to, y'know?

23. Do they have any survival skills?

i can pitch a tent?

you're kinda lucky you don't need to eat, sleep or breathe. you just find places to hide and hope for the best.

basically

24. Are they more book smart or street smart?

surprisingly, both!

yeah, i guess i'm more street smart, but only because i've basically lived on the streets. i haven't had as much time as i'd like to read.

25. How do they get out of a difficult situation?

with my daggers

sweet heavens, boy.

okay, fine... mage hand.

what?

i don't know. i just usually try to talk my way out of shit. or pull out my tressym if things get awkward. i makes for a wonderful scapegoat---er, scape-tressym--and distraction

26. Do they use their body, mind, personality or force to get what they want?

my personality sucks, so it's usually up to my mind to get what i want.

this is true. however, you've used your body before.

mhmm. not too proud of that

27. What music do they enjoy?

i blame you, but pop-punk

i will accept full responsibility for this

and the just over 600 songs on the playlist you've curated for me?

with pride

MORE Q'S BELOW! I'LL GET TO THEM (AND RENUMBERING THEM) LATER LOL

28. How do they overcome obstacles?

29. When faced with a difficult decision do they get stronger or break?

30. Do they have any special powers?

31. How do they change throughout the story?

32. Do they have any friends? If so, are they close knit?

36. How is their family life?

37. Are they likable?

38. Are they the hero, or anti-hero?

39. Do they make questionable choices?

40. How do they become who they are?

41. How was their childhood?

42. Are they close with anyone who is going to screw them over?

43.How do they adapt to different situations? Do they adapt at all?

44. How do they speak? Examples - Are they soft spoken, hot heated, vulgar

45. Are they opposed to violence?

46. When is their birthday?

47. Are they quick to judge?

48. Do they have anything they are trying to hide from others?

49. Do they act different around different people?

50. Do they enjoy the arts?

51. Do they like science?

52. Are they more emotional or logical?

53. How do they deal with their emotions?

54. How do they cope with sadness?

55. What is something they care about?

56. Would they die for anyone/anything?

57. What do they do when they are happy?

58. How would they come across to other characters? Examples- messy, lazy, childish, caring etc.

59. Do they have a phrase they use over and over?

60. In a crowed room are they in the corners, sides, or in the middle?

61. Are they comfortable being in a crowed room?

62. How do they relax?

63. Have they ever harmed anyone and regretted it? Verbally or physically?

64. Do they like to dance?

65. How do they get around their environment? Examples - horses, bike, vehicle

66. What is their pet peeve(s)?

67. Do they have a disability?

68. How do they react to getting flowers?

69. Would they ever wear a flower crown?

70. Do they like themselves?

71. Who do they dislike?

72. What is their motto?

73. Do they have any markings on their body?

74. Have they ever been abused?

75. What is their biggest fear?

76. What are their goals?

77. How do they go about achieving their goals?

78. Do they have a fight or flight response?

79. Is there someone in their life that they care about more than themselves?

80. How would they fare in zombie apocalypse?

81. Do they have any tattoos? If so, are they significant?

82. Are they good at mental math?

83. Do they get along with others?

84. Are they lazy?

85. Are they self motivated?

86. How do they cope with anger?

87. Have they ever been in a situation where they were helpless?

88. Are they organized or messy?

89. Can they remember a lot of information at once?

90. What is their occupation?

91. Do other characters respect your OC, if so, is it out of fear? Or do they respect your OC because they like them?

92. If they were given minutes to live, what would they do? Who would they want to see and say?

93. How do they deal with stress?

94. Do they have a more submissive or dominate personality type?

95. Do they have a pet?

96. Do they have a stash of weapons?

97. Where do they live? Who do they live with?

98. How do they calm themselves down?

99. Are they co-dependent?

100. Are they a day, or night person?

[shadow-logan]

Princess Yue as the Moon Spirit in a style inspired by Alphonse Mucha.

🌸 This piece is available as a print here! 🌸

[shadow-logan]

the end of the beginning... or the beginning of the end?

here's everything that i've compiled into shadow's backstory so far! a lot of this is stream of consciousness and hasn't been edited/pared down. enjoy!

(i'll eventually format this for tumblr lol)

SHADOW-LOGAN

Motive & Minor Goals

Wants to learn more about himself and feel whole/complete; wants to learn what it means to be alive and why he was given a second chance. 

Would love to learn to cook and make a meal for the party 

Wants to turn his monster parts into wearable jewelry (stim toys, too, maybe?)

Definitely wants to learn more spells! His current special interest is magic & all things arcane 

Backstory to Shadow’s Backstory

“I am a Shadow of past lives”

The name “Shadow” was chosen by him; he officially adopted it when he met the party in the Underdark and they asked what his name was. Shadow rose from the dead one day and realized he was a shadow of past lives, memories and experiences. He joined the Black Network/Zhentarim in the hopes of finding a connection to these memories he knew didn’t belong to him; he’s trying to decipher the code that is his own mind and, now, lived experience.

Beginning of His Story (kind of doesn’t align w/ a later story but wtv lol)

"By the light of the moon, I confide in you" 

Selûne, goddess of the moon

CG

Knowledge & Life

Pair of eyes surrounded by seven stars

On the 15th of Uktar (November in Faerûn), just after midnight, Shadow awoke in the Mere of Dead Men. The night was dimly lit by a full moon; he rose from the gently lapping waves with a gasp and wearing nothing but plainclothes and various piercings. 

Disoriented and panicked, he felt a reassuring warm presence envelop him. The presence cleared his mind; he noticed the light of the moon shining brightly on the nearest section of road and began to wade over. Shadow climbed onto the solid ground and continued to search for clues as to where—and who—he was. The presence made Itself known as Selune—he didn’t see or hear her, but felt a certain warmth being cast on to him by the light of the full moon, a direct juxtaposition to the frigid Uktar night. He felt Her presence again, just before arriving in Waterdeep. While looking around for landmarks, Shadow saw a small merchant caravan in the distance coming towards him. Hiding in the nearest foliage to camouflage himself, he eavesdropped. He overheard them squabbling over which direction to take; one person mentioned they just left Waterdeep and gestured to where Shadow assumed the city was. Since this was his only hint towards where he would find substantial, established civilization, he decided to follow it. 

By this time, dawn was beginning to peek over the horizon and it had started raining, though the last trickles of warm light from the moon blanketed the entrance archway/sign/generic entrance of Waterdeep; Shadow felt a small, invisible nudge towards it. When he entered the town, Shadow was overwhelmed with how busy it was! Logic dictated he ask for help, so he did, but was ignored by any people that were awake (mostly caravans & merchant stalls unpacking for the day); people shot him quizzical and angry stares. This apathy towards him was due to his overall appearance (only plainclothes, oddly coloured hair and skin, and covered in muddy residue), but Shadow didn’t understand why these strangers would display only reluctance towards assisting him.

That night, he stalked the alleys of Waterdeep, seeking some sort of shelter from the elements. The inn was closed for the night, so he kept to the shadows and unseen corners of town. The next morning, Shadow kept a low profile but decided to explore the city. He found the Church again, but this time saw a small parchment poster on a wooden signboard pertaining to Selune; this is how he knew he was being protected—the feeling of warmth returned when he read this poster promoting Her teachings. Once he thanked Her with what semblance of prayer he could muster, Shadow once again felt the same warmth he did when he first awoke. During his quiet patrol, Shadow crossed paths with his future Zhentarim mentor. Our newly-reborn wolf-man was anxiously stalking the shadows of the streets, which Jamna Gleamsilver immediately noticed. 

Jamna Gleamsilver, Shadow’s future mentor, was on a low-profile mission in Waterdeep when she saw Shadow trying to hide from the cityfolk and, empathizing with him, offered to help him. She asked for more information but he was both unwilling and unable to give any. Jamna promised him gold, a dagger and a place to stay for the night on the condition that he helped her with a mission; the mission being to steal gold from a local nobleman. Not knowing where else to turn, and not having yet formed a conscience to guide him, Shadow set off to pickpocket this man. 

He was successful and returned the gold to Jamna, much to her delight. She let him keep his new loot, gave him one of her daggers and paid for a night at the local inn. Jamna visited him the next morning and complimented how nimble he was with his hands when pickpocketing the nobleman. She then proceeded to invite him to join the Zhentarim. Being completely unknowing of the world he was “birthed” into, and curious as to who these “Zhentarim” folks were, Shadow agreed. He thought this would be the perfect way to find out more about himself; he would be making connections and traveling, so surely he would learn more. 

Jamna trained him on how to use basic weapons, some magic and in the art of stealth. Using the money he stole from others and earned from missions, Shadow bought himself new clothes, a backpack, pouches, and a couple of other weapons and supplies. Jamna took Shadow in as not only an apprentice, but as her son… or as close to it as her abilities as a parent would allow (Shadow would end up being more of a father to her than she was a mom to him). The last time he saw his mentor was before his mission to infiltrate the Web in The Underdark.  

Personality & Favourite Things

Though Shadow knows he doesn't need material necessities like food, or those of the intangible variety like sleep, he appreciates them nonetheless, if not more than his comrades. To him, food is a luxury that he can indulge in and is a catalyst for a quiet moment with the party that allows them to connect. He sees meals as an avenue which he can use to create memories with people he has allowed himself to feel close to. 

His favourite foods and beverages are jam-filled biscuits, rabbit stew, any kind of tea (would love to learn to make and brew his own blends) and any meal shared with the party, really. Shadow appreciates food and was surprised when the party was not more excited about Reidoth’s stews. Shadow equates their reaction to them just eating out of necessity and not having the luxury of choosing what they consume. He also assumed that they must have eaten a lot of stew before leaving home and embarking on their adventure.

Shadow absolutely loves the world’s flora and fauna, regardless of what the rest of team SASACOD (now Team RollCALL) thinks. He will jump at every opportunity to collect plants and monster parts; not only do these trinkets represent moments spent with the party, but they—the plants, especially— remind him that he is alive. 

Shadow will always find a way to get his hands on anything shiny; if it twinkles— figuratively or literally—he’ll take it. A prime example would include the mirror that Lily and Caim tried to hide when they were in the Underdark. His friends had desperately attempted to hide the mirror from him out of fear. Shadow had previously climbed a statue, noticed the eyes he was eyeing (ayy lmao) weren’t real gems, but still removed them… the ceiling collapsed on his friends, almost killing Lily. Yet, he was the only one who could find out more information on the mirror (Identify). His curiosity for shiny new knowledge and shiny new physical objects has almost literally killed him and his comrades. 

*he thinks vylet is shiny uwu*

A Rose by Any Other Name

“You live in the dark, boy, I cannot pretend; I'm not fazed, only here to sin”

Prior to meeting SASACOD, Shadow bore the name “Logan” in informal contexts. He sensed something different about the ragtag misfit group, though; he unconsciously saw them as an opportunity to improve and a chance for freedom. Shadow only felt any semblance of connection to the name “Logan” because it was the first thing, besides a new life, that belonged to him. Even so, he never had the opportunity to love or grow with the name, as it was chosen on a whim and 

When asked for his name by the party, Shadow replied with “Shadow… because I always stalk the shadows”. It was—he believed—a tactful deflection. Not only did this name and response assist in cloaking his past persona, but contribute to the one he was currently presenting to the party: an emotionally distant and troubled criminal. Though merely a way to not draw suspicion to the Zhentarim, and his then-current mission, the Reborn felt as though he truly was reborn; now he had a new life with a new family (he didn’t think of them that highly at that point). 

Shadow has grown to love his new alias as he’s realized he’s a shadow of past lives. While he doesn’t know who, or what, he was previously, Shadow finds solace in the connection to life and vitality that his name carries. 

June 28th (2021? 22?) edit: While “Logan” never held much value to him, a recent flashback in the form of a dream might convince Shadow to reconsider his stance. In the dream, a mentor/friend figure referred to him as “Logan”. This name now bears some weight, if only because it serves as a catalyst for another puzzle-solving journey; he is always seeking an excuse to learn (also following that dopamine yeehaw). He furiously recorded the events of the dream—something he rarely experiences—in Glasstaff’s notebook (with regular ink) so he would never forget something that actually belonged to him: a memory of himself.

Logan’s (Shadow’s) Room

LOGAN’S ROOM

The Zhentarim

“Everything—and everyone—has a price.” 

Feelings on the Zhentarim 

Shadow is a part of the Zhentarim and has a dragon tattoo (Zhent crest) on his back, which is his identifier. Though he believes it’s not necessarily the worst mercenary group to be a part of, he recognizes their manipulative and toxic tendencies. The organization gave Shadow his first taste of home and freedom, but now he’s unlearning everything they taught him; their way isn’t the only way. 

He’s happier now that he’s not restricted by their ideologies, but is still bound to them in a sense: he still has to complete a mission (update: mission complete). Though they still have that control over him, he’s considered leaving, or somehow pretending to stay, but will always have that figurative and literal dragon on his back, reminding him that he is their property. 

While excited to leave the Underdark to visit the Mere of Dead Men, Shadow is also rather anxious about it as well. Once he resurfaces, he fears he’ll have to face the Zhentarim again and feign being a loyal member. He wants to continue his work with the Zhents because he feels validated when completing missions, but he knows that the organization as a whole is not “true family”, as they would claim. Shadow has spoken with Vylet about this on occasion, which worries him even more. 

Vylet was previously involved with the Xanathar’s Guild and understands Shadow’s perspective on the topic of Guild involvement. However, he fears that the Zhents may target and use her as leverage, should he leave. Lillian Carbin has already seen Shadow’s party members, including Vylet; he doesn’t know how much Carbin already knows about her. 

Shadow was nervous before, but now he’s incredibly anxious. After almost murdering Sutcha the Butcha, she punched him square in the jaw in front of all of Glasstaff’s prisoners—including Carbin. Prior to this event, he was carrying the then-unconscious Sutcha (he had cast Sleep on her) on his back and had walked into his worst nightmare: a brightly-lit, round room, with Lillian and Vylet conversing & playing poker. After the events of The Mirror occurred, Carbin witnessed a deranged and burned Shadow being carried out of the Underdark entrance by Caim. Shadow is debating whether to cut off all connections to the Zhentarim by way of killing her, or if he should somehow bargain with his fellow assassin—something he worries may come back to haunt him.

 Zhent Jobs

Though he prefers to work under the guise of night, Shadow has been tasked with face-to-face meetings during light hours. In his words: 

Something that works out in my favour during these face-to-face meetings is that I named myself after I got my Web infiltration gig and wore a disguise every time. The Zhentarim just gave me a new codename for every job and presented that as truth to our partners. I’ve gone by “Axioche Riverdawn”, “Elduin Equinox” and “Mavilius Thornblood”. Nobody can track me or my superiors; on the very rare occasion that anyone asks about “me”, they feign ignorance, which is absolutely hilarious to witness when these confrontations happen in the Zhent Mansion, our headquarters. I’ll be casually walking to submit a report and an angry client will start complaining about how “MaViLiUs ThOrNbLoOd SwInDlEd [Me]”, not knowing that “Mavilius” literally just walked by them, haha.

His current Zhentarim Mission - UPDATE: FINISHED (~27TH OF ELEASIS)

Shadow was tasked with going to Leilon, rendez-vousing with Lillian Carbin, and getting a report about what's been going on in Leilon, because she hasn't reported back in a while. He is to send the info back to Jamna Gleamsilver in Waterdeep.

He doesn’t necessarily have to go back down to Waterdeep and deliver the report himself; he could send a coded letter by caravan or courier, or even just give a written report/letter to another Zhentarim agent when he next arrives in a city with a Zhent presence. Shadow could just save Lillian Carbin and let her do the rest on her own. 

This mission was his first mission after being promoted; he had killed a local nobleman that was a thorn in the Zhent’s side. 

Another Update: he found her in a room in the Underdark, along with other captives.

Update 2: She’s now in her home in Leilon & the mission is complete (he had also sent off a letter when in Neverwinter)

Silent Night (told from shadow’s pov)

The target was a local minor nobleman in Waterdeep the Zhents didn’t like [looks down and clasps his hands]. His name was Novus Goldenfoot--he was an elf man. It was the mission that promoted me, actually [chuckles sardonically]. 

But yeah, um, he was trying to grow his own private merchant’s guild. It was a small business, but he had access to luxury goods—like some spices—that the Zhents didn’t. They saw him as a threat—a threat that could and should be easily disposed of. I had already completed a bunch of low-profile underground trade missions, so they trusted me with information and completing secret jobs. I remember my mentor, Jamna Gleamsilver, giving me a slip of parchment and saying, “Dispose of him and you’ll be promoted. They’ll start giving you higher-profile missions and favouring you. They need this done by the end of the week, and you need to do it alone.” I didn’t think much of it, but I nodded and did as I was told. I was given the mission on a…. Monday?, I think. 

Until Friday, I scouted the area, learned my target’s patterns and who he communicated with regularly. I also made sure to source information by way of eavesdropping and any local news that was spread (word of mouth or newspaper???). Novus had two guards who took shifts patrolling his estate; one during the day and one at night. The night guard circled the mansion while the day guard stayed in one place. Night was my best option, though, since Novus came home at the same time everyday and stayed in what I assumed was his study. He had a wife and a… um… [clears throat] a child. They usually kept to the parlour?... The main room. They spent time together after a couple of hours, for a couple of hours. 

I took out the guard, first. Before I was in his line of sight, I cast Disguise Self to look like Goldenfoot, then went straight for the throat. He was a lot easier to knock out than expected—pressure points are always fun to target, haha. I also just kept him standing up so he wouldn’t look unconscious. I climbed up to the roof, quickly entered through Novus’ study window when I knew he would be leaving his desk, and hid behind a bookshelf. As soon as he turned off his lamp, but before he opened the door, I made my move. In one swift motion, I put a sack over his head, tied it as tightly as possible, then slowly lowered him to the floor. Though I love a good stabbing, there would be too much blood left behind, meaning too much evidence. I tied a knot around his neck, heaved him over my shoulder, and made my way out the window. 

Thankfully the drop wasn’t that far, and all the townsfolk were asleep, because I literally just let his body fall to the ground on the grass, which I knew would dampen the sound. Closing the window quietly, I started my descent, picked up my target and returned to base. They didn’t expect me to return the body, but they were impressed; I completed my mission cleanly, in a timely manner… and brought proof.

Stories from the Zhentarim (told from shadow’s perspective)

Never on the same page; he is unwritten

Formal Gala

February 6th (3:14am) 2022 edit: wow so Momna covered for him, knowing full well that Shadow killed Xav's dad. She's a true homie.

There were Zhent social events higher-ups would organize—to flaunt and remind us of their status, I assume. I was a bodyguard-slash-plus one for Jamna at some of those events and I hated it. People complimented me. Why? I was the only person with animal ears and a tail there, so I stuck out like a sore thumb. Why would they go out of their way to be nice to me? The answer is they weren’t. It was all for show and I knew it. Jamna was just there for the moonshine and seeing her drunk was entertainment enough, so that was compensation for my uncomfortability. 

I also hate getting dressed up. Why do I have to look a certain way to be included? If they’re my family, as they claim, they would accept me as I am. Jamna says these events are supposed to be “fun”, “make you feel special” and “to present yourself positively to employers and potential ‘partners’”. She tried to set me up with a couple girls and guys at one event, and I’ll admit some people were aesthetically pleasing, but that’s where our connection started and ended. 

There was this one half-elf guy named Xavlith whom Jamna formally introduced me to (she promised he was “my type”.... I should’ve asked what that meant). I panicked a bit, as he was the one who gave me my crescent moon tattoo, and we had already gone on a “date” Jamna didn’t know about… meaning he knew something about me most people didn't. Also, he touched my fucking face. I never let anyone get that close, unless my blade is closer to their throat than they are to me. He approached me nonchalantly and said he had wanted to “take me out again” and I immediately grabbed my dagger. He explained that he was asking me on another “date”. 

I don’t understand people. Just tell them how you feel and don’t beat around the bush, right? If he thought I was attractive, he literally could’ve just told me. I would’ve assumed he was lying or trying to make me vulnerable to some form of torture, but it might’ve been nice to hear, especially from someone who was actually attractive. 

Later that night, there was this one cute—and probably a little tipsy—elf girl named Elincia who wanted to get me a drink and I straight-up declined. Our proceeding conversation went like this:

Her: Oh, but don’t you drink?

Me: I only trust what I make myself, sorry

Her: You can trust the Zhents, though… you can definitely trust me 

She touched my arm and I was severely uncomfortable. Having someone unexpectedly touch my arm doesn’t make me trust them more. 

Me: I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re implying. 

Her: Then I’ll stop implying. I’ll show you exactly what I mean back at my place tonight. 

Why are people like this? I just came to appease a drunken Jamna. I didn’t come to have people speak in code. I hated this. 

Me: I’d rather not. I don’t know where you live, and I think that’s a good thing. That proves you’re a good merc who knows how to cover their trail. 

Elincia whispered the next statement in my ear… Well, she gestured for me to lean over since I kind of towered over her, and I reluctantly obliged. 

Her: I think you’re hot and want to get to know you and your body better.

I wanted to cry. She literally just met me—could we even call it “meeting”? I found out her name—she didn’t even ask for mine—and then she wanted to rail me. Aside from seeming drunk, I couldn’t think of a logical explanation for her advances. I searched everywhere for Jamna, but it was evident I had lost her. I started dissociating and stuttering. I mean… It was nice to be complimented, but this just proved how superficial people are. 

Me: M-my ment-mentor is drunk-k-k. I nee-eed to h-help he-her. 

I immediately turned around, walked a bit, and found Jamna at the barrel of booze on the other side of the room and dragged her out by the scruff of her collar—thankfully she’s small. I dropped Jamna off at our place; she was essentially fostering me, except I was more of a dad to her than she was a mom, or parent, to me. After tucking her into bed—yes, in whatever she was wearing that night—, I ran away for two days. I mean, Jamna didn’t seem to notice, or did a good job of pretending she didn’t, which I appreciated. 

I literally just took whatever I could fit into a backpack, jumped out my window, and ran into the woods outside of Waterdeep. I just needed to be away from people. During my sweet escape, I observed plants. The first thing I did, though, was hurl. Gross… I know. Then I cried (even more gross)... and clawed at some trees. I guess this part of the story is about how a tree saved my life. 

Just Give me a Treeson

Just a leafle bit’s enough

Alrighty, now that we have a subtitle after that segue, here’s the full story: I don’t need to eat, though I enjoy eating with my current… friends… ya, I guess they’re friends. Anyway, it turns out that my body doesn’t appreciate that sometimes; I think it’s a past life, or something, coming to haunt me. After I made sure Jamna was safe, and my stuff was packed, I ran for… Selune knows how long! I was so anxious and had been running forever and my body just shut down. When my insides decided to be outsides, I dropped to the ground. My knees hit the ground so hard they were bruised for a week afterwards. Once my stomach decided it had enough, I started crying. 

I hate crying. Tears are coarse, rough, irritating and get everywhere. I was far enough away from civilization that I knew nobody would hear me, not that they would want to stick around if they did hear. I screamed, I shouted and just let it all out. That feeling was something I could do without. My eyes were swollen and red—a stark contrast from my permanent sleep-deprived visage—and my throat hurt from all the yelling. Once my body felt like it had officially surrendered to the emotional pain, I hit a tree trunk with the butt of my fist. 

This was when it hit me—not the tree, but a realization!: I’ve never actually touched a tree before. This tree was here before me and will probably still be here after me, or the next incarnation of me, I guess. That night I stayed up feeling the bark, the leaves, and the roots of this tree. 

Once dawn kissed dusk good morning, I started observing the rest of the plants around me. I like plants. They’re pretty magical; like, did you know that some leaves change colour depending on the season?! I didn’t. All of that day was spent wandering and wondering; wandering the forest and wondering what everything was. I wish I had a notebook to record everything, or something to capture what I saw, so I could’ve shared it with Jamna. 

On the other hand, I’m glad it was just me and the trees. I got to learn about them and the other living things. What did I learn? That nature is rad and running away solves your problems about fifty percent of the time. No, seriously… ish. I also learned that feelings make me vulnerable. I was so immobilized because of my social anxiety that I froze and then fled. This experience also taught me that, sometimes, the best strategy in combat can be to simply immobilize your target.  

Let’s take the fight with Glasstaff for example. I wanted nothing more than to watch him bleed dry by my own hands. However, other experiences have taught me that selfishness can immobilize your team (the statue incident, for example). Instead of simply stabbing him, I stole his staff: the one thing that he needed to cast magic. Once you learn of a target’s weak point(s), abuse it (/them). My proven weak points include my ADHD, social anxiety and feelings towards Vylet. Only two of those three things are within my control, though. Equipped with this knowledge, I’ve learned to use my ADHD as my armour. 

I’m the only one on our team who can hyperfocus, and be interested in gaining knowledge about enemies through reading materials, for example. While Lily was disinterested in the Shadow Ink notes I had found, I was and still am invested. I also like being alone because it lets me focus on the task at hand. This is part of the reason why I love becoming invisible! I can complete a task without anyone noticing and I don’t get overstimulated, since nobody bothers me! I’m working on the other two major vulnerabilities I have, but at least I’ve Identified (lol) them, thanks to the tree. 

The tree stopped me from hurting myself physically and emotionally by grounding me in the present. I don’t even remember where the tree was because I was too distracted by my own thoughts and then guided back to Jamna’s place by the moon the next night. 

So, ya, that’s how a tree saved my life. The End?

Sea-zing the Opportunity

→ Shadow was sent to report in with a Zhentarim operative named The Snail, who then tasked him with meeting with Catvia, the secretary of Duchess Morwen Daggerford, ruler of Daggerford and representative of the city to the Lord's Alliance

→ The Zhentarim had already been in communication with Catvia for a little bit, identifying her as corrupt and easily manipulated, and wanted Shadow to be the first real operative to meet with her in person and establish a connection in order to try and get her to add Zhent requests in to the duchess' LA council meeting info and stuff

→ Known to his associates as "The Snail" because of his slow, deliberate way of talking

Though I’ve had some pretty negative encounters with people trying to make passes at me, I’ve, unfortunately, had to do the same to others. Those prior experiences prepared me, though. When trying to get information out of people, you have to play to their emotions and tell them exactly what they want to hear. The difficult part is believability; I prefer deception because you don’t need to tell the truth, can craft your own, and don’t really need to insert true emotion anywhere. 

I once had a gig in Daggerford that involved the Mariners’ Alliance. My contact was a human woman named Catvia. I was tasked with collaborating with her to organize another trade route that would be profitable to the Zhentarim. We already worked with them; we just wanted to have access to more of their ships, and possibly connect with other towns, using the Mariners’ ship space to transport our goods. Anyway, Catvia knew I’d be arriving and was aware that I was a new, young recruit. She’s only a couple of years older than me, but has been in business with the Mariners’ and the Zhents longer than I’ve been alive, haha. 

We met at the docks and moved to the local tavern to talk. She tried to put on a tough front, but I could sense a familiar energy; this was how I behaved around Xavlith during… our first time. She was nervous and was overcompensating. I took advantage of that vulnerability, learning from my prior mistakes with Xavlith. I started flirting with her, even though that went against my values and every fibre of my being was uncomfortable. She’s shorter than me, which worked to my advantage; I leaned in and “I [told] that broke bitch ‘if you wanna get in tune, better change your whole pitch’” (bro idek how long it’s been since i wrote this but i’m still laughing. August 4th 2021 edit: wtf i’m hilarious lmao. Aug 26th edit: WHY IS THIS STILL FUNNY LMAO). I even did the whole lip-biting-smoulder-brushing-my-chin-with-my thumb-eyebrow movement-thing (IT’S OCTOBER 12TH WHY AM I STILL TEARING UP FROM LAUGHTER) (BRO IT IS JANUARY 15TH 2022 AND I’M STILL CRYING FROM LAUGHTER LMAO). Apparently people love tall dudes with piercings, so I check off a lot of people's boxes, haha. I know it’s not right, and I don’t enjoy doing it, but that’s showbiz, baby. 

I broke down her barrier and I could see it; I hit the jackpot. She had difficulty keeping eye contact, but I never stopped looking at her, or morerather, the space between her eyebrows. I hate eye contact because, one: you feel a connection to the person and vice-versa and, two: they’ll remember your face. Anyway, she started brushing her hair behind her ear, her voice raised in pitch and she was smiling a lot more now. I hated it. I felt so gross because I didn’t have romantic feelings for this woman, but was deceiving her… huh… I like deceiving, so I guess that instance was at least somewhat justifiable. 

Regardless, I pretended to be absolutely enthralled with her every word and even threw in a couple of laughs when I could tell she was trying to crack jokes. Before asking about the Zhents, I asked about her, in an attempt to continue my facade. I [gulps] brushed the back of her hand with my index finger, the same way Xavlith brushed mine during our first "date". She was severely blushing—disgusting. She answered my questions, then I pretended to just so happen to remember what the goal of the meeting was. 

[fade to black]

Needless to say, we got extra ships and cargo real estate.

Also, I hate people. 

Relationships

Jamna Gleamsilver

“They're gonna clean up your looks; With all the lies in the books; To make a citizen out of you”

“This is what you’ll think of me; It’s going down like I told you”

Jamna, the gnome wizard-assassin, was the closest person Shadow had to a parent. Though the stout woman seemed to love alcohol more than any living being, she held a soft spot for the wolf-boy orphaned by the world. 

She first found Shadow on the 20th of Uktar—just five days after his revival—when he had been keeping to the unseen corners of Waterdeep. The assassin was on a low-profile mission to lighten the pockets of a local nobleman who had been slowly monopolizing a prime Zhentarim customer demographic. Jamna was about to round a corner and cut through an alleyway to her destination, when she spotted Shadow. The boy was sitting huddled on the cobblestone ground behind a large crate, bright yellow cat eyes returning a glare at the sound of her footsteps nearing. 

Wary of the unexpected and unfamiliar presence, Jamna approached with caution. 

“Who are you?”, Shadow snarled, “Come to hunt me like the rest of them?”, solidifying his stare. She had been reaching for her dagger, but her hand froze over the sheath at the question. “ … No. I should be more worried about who you are, kid. Where are your parents?”, Jamna retorted, with her slight drawl. “None of your business… but I don’t have any?”, Shadow responded confusedly. Eyes slowly growing wide and stance relaxing, she responded, “The streets aren’t any place for a kid. You don’t enjoy it, do you?”. 

The Reborn’s eyes slowly transitioned to their normal state of pale yellow. “Why are you bothering with me?”, he deflected. Jamna climbed onto the brown crate Shadow was resting against, in an attempt to be closer to eye level. “I haven’t told anyone this, but you’re an exception—I feel like you’ll understand. I ran away from home… not a great place… not the worst, but definitely not good. I found a family with my current employers”, she continued with her drawl, “I want to extend the same opportunity to you”; a smirk grew across her face and a glint reflected in her eye. 

Excited at the prospect of finding others like him, and others who would likely welcome him in, Shadow’s ears perked up to attention and twitched forward, his brows furrowing slightly. “What makes you think I trust you? You haven’t even introduced yourself and you’re already trying to recruit me into something you’ve given me no information on”, he rasped. The gnome’s eyes grew wide once again, this time at the perception of the stranger she underestimated. 

“Hmph. You’re perceptive—I like you. I also think you’ll fit in just fine with the Zhentarim, kid”, she offered. “That’s who we are. By the way, I’m Jamna. I’m the person who’s gonna give you a better life. Now tell me about how you got here—literally here. And what’s your name, kid?”. “I…”, Shadow trailed off, unable and unwilling to share his story; this was his first taste of connection to another person, but he wasn’t yet able to place his full trust in this woman. “ … I’m Logan and… I don’t know. I just… walked here in the rain one night”, he admitted, only revealing bits of truth. He crafted and adopted a false identity for himself, one that he didn’t feel attached to, so he could abandon it at any moment; he felt similarly about his potential past life(ves) and current one. Jamna continued, “That’s fair, kid. But are you in or not?”. 

Shadow’s face immediately responded with shock and fear at the ultimatum. He had only been alive for a few days, yet people were already seeking his aid. On the other hand, he was intrigued by her offer, and saw it as an opportunity to gain more insight into his existence. Finding the resolve needed to respond, Shadow proclaimed, “I’m in.” 

THE BOY WITH THE CRESCENT MOON TATTOO: The Boy With the Crescent Moon Tattoo (A Shadow POV Short Story)

Vylet

“Suddenly I couldn't speak, it's like an angel walked into me”

“I lose my voice when I look at you, can’t find my voice, but I’m trying to”

Feb 6th 2022 @ 3:32am: boi literally exposed his burn scars during the double-date and all he got from her was an interrogation about Logan 😩🤌

Shadow isn’t sure where exactly he stands with Vylet; he knows he has romantic feelings for her, but this uncertainty is a cause of anxiety for him. He will do almost anything to protect Vylet and ensure her safety. 

He first developed feelings for Vylet when they were fighting together in the Underdark and she used her Necrotic Shroud. Shadow was immediately drawn to her decaying, skeletal wings; for once, another being understood what it meant to have died, or have part of you die. He was drawn to her unconventional beauty, but was still wary of her. 

They’ve recently shared many tender moments, including a kiss (uwu), but Shadow doesn’t know what his next steps with her should be. He displays love by actively protecting, yet Vylet is the first to charge into battle, with no regard for her personal safety; he feels useless in these scenarios. Further, she tends to erupt sporadically; he doesn’t want to always have to shoulder her anger. 

She’s recently displayed more romantic behaviours, which makes Shadow rather nervous. He gets flustered because he doesn’t know how to respond to authentic love, or any kind, being shown towards him. He appreciates that she offered to let him read through Glasstaff’s spellbook (and also gave him a cool blue rock) because he honours/appreciates/puts knowledge on a pedestal. 

They’ve recently shared their feelings for each other! Shadow wants to throw more of his love at Vylet, but he knows Lilian Carbin is likely watching him. He’s keeping his distance until he knows it’s safe to be physically affectionate with her again, and he hopes this doesn’t push her further away. During their time alone (when they shared their feelings for one another), Vylet had said that she’d go to the Mere of Dead Men with him, which broke Shadow in the best way possible. He had been tearing up prior, but immediately started crying when she told him this. Nobody had cared this much, or this deeply, about the Reborn until then. 

After this conversation, and rescuing the prisoners from the Underdark, the pair had returned to the mine to retrieve The Mirror. Glasstaff’s dead body, along with Shadow’s dagger (stabbed in throat), fell out. Further, a shadowy figure spoke to them from The Mirror; it shattered afterwards. Seeing his arch nemesis again triggered deep-seated trauma for Shadow, to which he responded by repeatedly stabbing Glasstaff’s body. Though hyperfixated, he heard Vylet’s suggestion of burning the body; he repeatedly cast Greed Flame-Blade, severely burning himself in the process. During this event, Vylet used Glasstaff’s blood to write on the cave walls. 

Once Shadow had come to, he soaked his arms in the pool of water he was next to, then vomited into the small body of water next to him. He questioned why Vylet didn’t stop him and an argument ensued. Wrapping one arm in his now-bloodsoaked hoodie (G’s blood), Shadow walked away in a mildly catatonic daze. The two shared some more choice words with each other as they arrived closer to the surface and Vylet’s necrotic wings unintentionally sprouted. 

Shadow isn’t ready to forgive Vylet for hurting him, especially after she declined to be his girlfriend (though, admittedly, he asked at an inappropriate time). Now he’s angry with himself and Vylet; he allowed himself to give her Glasstaff’s glass staff: something extremely precious to him. At this point he’s considering ignoring her for the foreseeable future. 

After spending some time apart while aiding Leilon in rebuilding efforts, and supporting each other through more battles, they’ve reconciled in Zephyros’ Tower. Shadow’s learned of the self-conscious side she’s developed as a result of her relationship with her family and now feels more love and empathy for Vylet. Learning more about her also gave Shadow enough bravery to open up a bit more about past experiences and people (mentioned Xavlith and their FWB relationship, plus how he killed Novus; apparently he had already shared the Novus story previously lol). Just before drifting into unconsciousness for the night in each other’s arms, they shared their true feelings for each other, and Shadow promised to eventually return the gold bracelet Vylet gave back to him (he bought it for her a while ago).

→ he's kind of done with feeling like her lapdog 

→ he enjoys their time alone together, but he still feels that his love isn't being reciprocated

→ Vylet's general unpredictability is source of anxiety for Shadow (feelings for Xavlith are slowly resurfacing; he finds solace and comfort in Xav's predictability)

Caim

While Shadow knows he gets along with Caim, he also feels as though Caim is hiding something from the rest of the party. 

Caim has shown him what it means to be well-rounded; someone who is capable of following what is generally considered “morally right”, as well as what is “morally wrong”. Having someone that can act as a guide for his conscience has been immensely helpful on his journey to figuratively navigating the world. 

Shadow never feels judged by Caim, which is rather surprising, as he feels judged by literally everyone (whether they truly are or not). This is something he has only recently realized; the realization came after their encounter in Neverwinter. When in Neverwinter, Shadow learned of the racism Caim experienced. After that moment, it dawned on Shadow: people dislike my friend simply because he exists… he likely understands that I’ve been a victim of similar behaviour, as well. 

Shadow has noticed that, while Caim has been a moral guide for him, he also has some questionable values and behaviours. For example, Caim still seems to side with Sildar (an alliteration lol). Shadow doesn’t appreciate this as Sildar had aggressively wedged his way into the group. 

Though he doesn’t know much about Caim, he knows he’s a friend. Caim single-handedly rescued Shadow after the Underdark Incident with Vylet. Even as Shadow was screaming in terror from seeing the campfire on the surface, Caim managed to calm him down and carry him to a safe space. Further, the Tiefling went so far as to heal Shadow’s burns and let the Reborn sleep/meditate on his shoulder. For this, Shadow is eternally grateful. 

After their battles at the Tower of Storms, Caim shared a bit of his backstory, which piqued Shadow’s interest. Not only did he have the opportunity to learn, but learn about his friend. Further, his respect for Caim has since doubled, as he agreed to considering attuning to the Eye of Dendallen, in exchange for Javelin of Lightning (found under Moesko’s altar). 

Caim has since attuned to the Eye, an act Shadow deeply appreciates. Not only will Caim be able to see invisible enemies, but see Shadow when he casts Invisibility. The whole team was present for the gruesome and painful attunement process, but Shadow ensured that he was right next to Caim (I’m pretty sure Shadow actually held Caim’s Tiefling eye once Caim removed it). 

→ Shadow would literally die for Caim

→ He only wants the best for the man that saved his life in the Underdark, as well as covered for him on multiple occasions

→ Will kill Narth if he so much as lays a finger on Caim; Shadow doesn't want him to hurt Caim

Lili’uokalani (Lily)

Shadow doesn’t understand Lily just yet and sees her as a bit of an enigma. He’s recently had a couple of opportunities to speak with her alone and feels as though he’s finally learning more about his new friend. 

Recently, he’s connected with Lily on a deeper emotional level, something even he was surprised he was capable of doing. For someone who doesn’t like talking about feelings, Shadow opens up a lot around Lily. She tends to be really anxious, feeling as though she needs to shoulder everyone’s burdens, and be her version of perfect. Shadow wants her to see that he is actually inspired by her and is in awe of her magical abilities—especially Wildshaping! 

Even though he gets himself, and the rest of the party, into trouble, she hasn’t given up on him. Shadow appreciates that there is someone he can rely on to literally have his back in battle, knowing that he’ll do the same for her. 

Currently, they have a very neutral symbiotic relation that consists of them telling each other that they’re good people and healing each other in combat. 

Shadow gave Lily a note that said “thank you for being a friend” on it; her reaction (smiling while reading and fixating on it) was enough to satisfy Shadow. Though he knows of the power his other 2 friends hold, he fears Lily’s the most, as she can take on terrifying beast forms. Her reaction was confirmation and validation that Lily doesn’t hate and wants to continue working alongside him. 

The party has been helping restore Leilon after a Giant attack. After completing his patrol for the day, Shadow saw Lily walking by. This was the night of a full moon, meaning that his tattoo was glowing. After a long conversation in a tree, including him opening up about Xavlith and murdering his father, Lily opened up to him. He asked if Lily ever had to leave family behind (in Shadow’s case, the Zhents), to which she told him that her family left her. Shadow was shocked by this response, but is now even more curious about his friend. He respects and appreciates the wisdom that his Sea Elf companion brings and feels even closer to her. 

Further, he came out as bisexual to her, and learned that she has romantic feelings for women, implied by her not responding to his question and answer (“what kinds of people do you like?”; “I like both guys and girls”), then visiting the Sun Elf. 

Lily has consistently been a mentor, friend and shoulder to cry on. After the Underdark Incident, Shadow developed an intense pyrophobia. However, with Lily’s assistance, Shadow was able to cast Green Flame-Blade again; it sapped his strength to focus on casting, but he still accomplished what he believed to be the impossible. They now have the code words “Wela” and “Ae”, which mean “Heat” and “Yes” in Aquan; Shadow will shout “Wela”, while looking at Lily,  when he wants to cast GFB, and Lily will look back (if possible) and respond with “Ae”. Knowing that someone is literally and figuratively looking out for Shadow reminds him he’s not alone in any fight, even one against himself. 

Glasstaff 

Feb 6th 2022 @ 3:40am: bruh, I've really gotta write about how Shadow was captured by this dick rag of a human (he totally wasn't a halfling or shifter back then haha) 

Wants nothing more than to seek revenge by torturing him; also wants to avenge others hurt by Glasstaff. Through whatever means necessary, Shadow wants to extract as much information out of him as possible. He would love nothing more than to watch Glasstaff bleed dry in front of him, by his own hand. 

Shadow technically killed Glasstaff, and felt good about it for a moment, until he realized what he had done. He felt so powerful taking the man’s life with his own staff, but seeing his friends’ reactions, and realizing that the build-up to this moment was over, broke him mentally. He went into a mildly catatonic state, lingering depression with him wherever he went. 

Though disconnected from the world, he still slowly and quietly explored Glasstaff’s hideout room & ended up finding a Scroll of Remove Curse for Vylet (though he didn’t know what it was at the time).

After all survivors were accounted for, Shadow and Vylet returned to the Underdark to retrieve The Mirror. When they found The Mirror, Glasstaff’s dead body, complete with Shadow’s dagger, fell out. Shadow’s deep-seated trauma resurfaced at this sight and he began stabbing the corpse repeatedly. Being in a hyperfixated state he didn’t see or hear Vylet, but only made out her saying “burn”. He responded by casting Green Flame-Blade as he stabbed, severely burning himself in the process. Shadow still lives in shame, his scarred forearms serving as a reminder to learn to control his own mind.

Zephyros

Shadow has the utmost respect for Zephyros and considers him an ally. The Cloud Giant was transparent about information Shadow requested and has offered the group a safe place to rest. However, he is still weary of the Giant, as nobody the Reborn has met has ever been this friendly upon initially meeting.

MISC INFO (October 12/21)

Secretly a really skilled and talented traditional artist

Probably really good at breakdancing 

Can dance other established dance styles (i.e Waltz & Foxtrot), but only because he's studied people & their movement, and is aware of how his own body movements 

He lacks technique, but his overall form, rhythm and style are passable (established dance styles)

Will literally drop everything if offered a jam-filled biscuit (or anything with jam lmfao) or mint tea

Secretly misses Jamna… but only a little bit. Wants to send her a letter and visit when he can

Wants more tattoos, but is worried they'll become identifiers

Wants to make his Zhent tat invisible. He's scared of removing it completely, though he knows he shouldn't continue his Zhent involvement

Would spend literal days (and suffer a point/level of exhaustion) in a library, just to read and learn

God forbid someone introduce him to iced coffee because he'd probably get addicted lmao

Loves Vylet, but still has lingering feelings for Xavlith. He knows their relationship was purely superficial, but a part of Shadow feels that Xavlith will love him more deeply

Quite literally would rather cut off his toes than be forced to attend a Gala/dance/ritzy social event

Idk. He's bi, he's shy, he's hot. It's 4am. I just laughed bc a random song on Spotify came on and said "sex and the tiddies". I'm also tearing up bc my boi has so much Trauma™ (but also??? I gave that to him??)

I'm gonna sleep lol bye