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its true

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im still cutting despite school being a lil better. i feels like any happiness i feel is immediately sucked away :(

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Relapse Alert

With dreaded school looming, im relapsing. After weeks self harm free, ive broken down twice in a few days. For about 1-2 weeks ive been down just bed at 9pm, crawling outta bed at 3pm the next day, barely eating, then back to bed. But the other day my dinner was served and i was just scared to eat, i couldnt do it. Then after a big argument i cut for the first time in ages. And then i ran away or planned too. I ended up spending the night and mums and going back to dads the next day. After that ive been cutting daily. And today i felt so suicidal. I ended up cutting deeper than ever instead. I would be suprised ive committed suicide but the time term starts.

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Cut again *sigh*. I can feel myself being sucked back into the bottomless pit. And with school looming things can only get worse.

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Its 12 days until im back at school and I CAAANNNNTTTTT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I.hate hate HATE it. Idk what to do. Im terrified to go but no one understands. Everyone thinks its laziness but its not. Everyone there hates me for no reason. And i cant do the work and i have no future now. im never gonna get any good grades or go anywhere in life. I dont see why i dont just commit suicide that way ill never have to face school or any other crap again :(

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Look at the picture of jingleheartart i drew last weekend, ive been meaning to post it to her but cant find a stamp or envelope :/

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That puppet game show is officially crap. Whats become of tv these days?

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My thoughts on mental illness and society.

So mental illness is something generally brushed under the carpet and someone mentally ill is generally considered a knife weilding maniac! This leads to them being the victim of abuse and the whole stigma around it. People we have to be more open. You see people going round with there pink ribbons supporting breast cancer (which is great) but do you ever see people supporting mental illness? Some may think that its not important, attention seeking, over reacting but that is far from the truth. Just cos you cant see it doesnt mean its not there. Maybe its not important because it doesnt kill, or it can be cured? That is also far from true, here are some facts on suicide: * 1 million people across the globe die by suicide each year. That’s one suicide every 40 seconds.   * More people die by suicide each year than by murder and war combined.   * It’s estimated that approximately 5% of people attempt suicide at least once in their life.   * Between 10% and 14% of the general population have suicidal thinking throughout their lifetime.   * Suicide is the second biggest cause of death worldwide among 15-19 year olds.   * 100,000 adolescents die by suicide every year.   * Suicide is estimated to be under-reported for reasons of stigma, religion and social attitudes. Many suicides are hidden among other causes of death, such as road traffic accidents and drowning.

Those stats are horrifying. so in the time it takes for me to type this 15 people have committed suicide. This needs to be dealt with. Also people think that as soon as someones diagnosed there a whole new person. Wrong aswell. If you broke your leg you wouldnt be a broken leg. So if you have depression you wouldnt be depressed. And if you have bipolar disorder you wouldnt be bipolar. Mental illness affects many people and its just a tiny bit of you that makes you special. it doesnt rule your life. you like what you like because you are you not because you are mentally ill. I mean at the end of the day we are all just normal people. not crazy. Also to anyone mentally ill YOU ARE NOT ALONE. please i cant stress that enough. I bet.your feeling so alone atm, no one you know is like you. am i right? no im wrong! 1in4 people become mentally ill at sometime in there lives. So while your sat at school or college or work or wherever your sat alone with all these ‘sane’ people think that a lot of these people have/had/will have mental illnesses and nearly all of the know/will know people with mental illnesses. Also dont let it stop you from doing well in life. there are loads of successful celebritys and business men/woman who have mental illnesses, stephen fry, catherine zeta jones, micheal phelps and so many more. So to conclude, it will get better! Although most disorders are life long it will get better soon. You are not alone, as stats show. Please strive to be the best you can be and dont let anything in your way. Many celebritys and successful people prove this every day and some say mental illness brings on creativity, so in fact you can be better than some people without illnesses. And at the end of the day who wants to be sane anyway!

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Yes, you

Hey you

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U know somethings wrong when you see hints of sunrise and you've not even been asleep yet, for gods sake brain its been 3hrs laying here,please shut down now!

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Grr 2:22 , The good thing is all the numbers are the same, Bad thing is ive been trying to sleep since midnight, Damn its 2:23 now so its not even a cool number.

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January 2013: this is going to be a good year

June 2013: never fucking mind

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My idea of heaven consists of all the things I would go to hell for.

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Thank you too my one follower for following :)

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Im not that depressed or anxious much anymore, i still have my moments but its getting better. But now im kinda going crazy, without going into details im hyper loads now, im spontaneous, do stupid things, cant sleep, minds racing, so much energy, in an amazing mood 24/7 so now im wondering if im bipolar.  Or is that normal when your happy? Or is that anxiety back, putting stuff into my head?