shadowdemon-esq

[shadowdemon-esq]

me: I AM DECOLONIZED! I AM DECOLONIZED!

voice: reach into your pocket..

me: *slowly reaches into my pocket and pulls out a rat* whatr the fuck,,,,,

[shadowdemon-esq]

an edit of Elf (2003) featuring my original character "The Creamer"

[shadowdemon-esq]

mhmm.. oh fuck yeah😩, lead that horse to water...😩 mhm.. Fuck im almost there😩... now make him drink😩.. ..,,, what do you mean you cant do it??!?

[shadowdemon-esq]

me: if I won the lottery, I wouldnt tell anyone. But thered be signs 😏

friend: are the signs that youre hiring a ton of hookers now

me: ... Uh.. *looks down dejectedly* im trying to find one with a pussy thatll turn me into an ewok.

friend: what

me: I SAW IT IN PORN. IT CAN HAPPEN. ONE SECOND HE WAS FUCKING THIS GIRL THE NEXT SECOND HE WAS SAYING UTINI

friend: THATS A FUCKING JAWA

me: NOO! I Dont Want That! *starts flinging my shit everywhere*

[shadowdemon-esq]

me: hello i am here to see SEVEN (1995) in IMAX for the very first time due to it being it's 30th anniversary

movie theater guy: mhm.. just one second, what's your favorite 90s sitcom?

me: umm take a guess??

*movie theater guy notices im decked out in Family Matters drip*

movie theater guy: *sucks teeth* yikes.. erm um.. erm yeah i think youd like that movie more *points*

me: ZIONIST NOSFERATU!?

[shadowdemon-esq]

mgmmg,.,.. dont stop, bby.. im about to end wokeness 😩

[shadowdemon-esq]

things must be pretty fucked up if I'M the only one who can prevent forest fires

[shadowdemon-esq]

"why are you doing this, mister?" Asked one of the orphans I have locked away in my cage.

"sometimes I ask myself that same question" I say, rubbing my belly. "If I stopped right now and used my belly powers for good, id be swimming in pussy.. cash.. i could have whatever i wanted.." I lean in closer to the orphans as they whimper. "But the truth is.. I think I'd miss it. Cuz it feels good being bad!" I laugh and rub my belly.

my laughs turn maniacal as I rub my belly harder, charging my power. My belly glows and a beam of light erupts from it. The orphans scream as they are engulfed within the flames of my Belly Blast.

[shadowdemon-esq]

imagine making quite possibly the most brilliant satire that simultaneously ends neo-machiavellianism, toxic transmasculinity, and bi-lesbianism while perfectly deconstructing the idea of a "male orgasm" and dudebros idolize what's arguably the most blatant cartoon villain in all of media. yes, im talking about diners drive-ins and dives.

[shadowdemon-esq]

Woody if he was cool: theres a MILF in my boot....

[shadowdemon-esq]

the main problem with the "women be shopping argument" is that a women can't be within 3 feet of grocery without eating it which obviously leaves it unable to be bought. Im not open to debate about this.

[shadowdemon-esq]

Bluey As A Metaphor For Rot: What A Children's Cartoon Can Teach Us About The Inevitability Of Death

[shadowdemon-esq]

[shadowdemon-esq]

my sources tell me western civilization will be falling over the next couple days and will be replaced with a lame one that's pink and for girls

[shadowdemon-esq]

LMAO! the inbred whores over at Build-A-Fetterman Workshop are SEETHING because of my scathing one star review lolol. they're never coming back from this one.

[shadowdemon-esq]

imagine if you will, a mother who refuses to buy her own son's merchandise. this sounds too horrific to be true but it's unfortunately all too real for me who now has one thousand shadow demon shirts with funny slogans no one will buy. thanks mom.

[shadowdemon-esq]

please dont call me a Nazi i do not want the "final solution" i want the Second To Last Solution which a lot of people *literally* agree is better so think b4 you say such hurtful things