shadowoftheharvestmoon - Tumblr blog

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

I said that I could not let go of the people who had caused me pain in the past because I hated myself so much that there was no way I could believe I didn't deserve it. That was not supposed to seem like an opportunity to ask for an apology. The only apology I could ever give would be to end my own life and it would be an apology to myself, because I am kept living through the knowledge that I will only suffer more and I deserve that pain. Now I can go.

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

Reading back over stuff like this makes me think "yeah I do deserve to suffer" because I still dont know how to even let go of people who made me hate myself more than anyone else or betrayed me and I'm absolutely never going to just get to sit down and talk everything out with someone. Nobody ever said anything to me about it except that those people seemed bad if they did what they did to me but if I kept convincing myself that I was worse than them, then how could I ever believe I didnt deserve it?

Another point I want to make because it keeps coming back into my mind is that I really really miss people… people who are no longer in my life but who were a huge part at one point. People who hurt me so deeply that I can’t imagine hurting more than that. I miss them anyway. I think about them when I see stuff they liked and it doesn’t make me want to have nothing to do with that thing anymore. I still love that thing they also loved. I miss these people and I wish I could tell them but I don’t know how to get over the pain.

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

It was shortly after the first time I ever saw this image that I wanted to redraw it as them

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

....yeah

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

when people describe female characters as cold, rash, selfish, cruel, self-serving, unlikeable, etc. i'm always like yessss new fave character 😌💓👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💃🏽

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

oh yeah, I can’t put this game behind me until I’ve finished my analysis, since I have a whole lot of stuff I want to go over. But there is a simple thing I want to look at since I was wondering...

A basic rule to follow with a protagonist and antagonist or rival is you gotta make them opposites! Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes it’s just personality things. And sometimes you just throw a whole bunch of that opposite stuff into their appearances.

One’s hair goes down, the other’s goes back. Both have those spiky points but they go in different directions to reflect that they’re different sorts of people. Like this is basic as hell BUT now I can make my next point which is

of course I noticed very quickly that Lang’s hair goes the complete opposite of Edgeworth’s, it goes straight up. So it does look quite a lot like Phoenix’s since it has two specific points that push further than the rest of his hair.

And then there’s Furio Tigre who literally pretends to be Phoenix at one point and has the same hair style as him... With Furio Tigre as the tiger and Lang as the wolf, I inevitably started to conflate the two together and it’s been bugging me for ages. Mostly because I wish Agent Lang was more unique :(

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

I’m gonna miss them

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

I’m glad this is how this case is going to come to an end

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

Speaking of “characters based on myself”…. these are all the ones I can remember that weren’t just like drawings. Like these are all either genuine concepts or have entire stories about them. The Star Prince is the earliest and I kinda miss him…. maybe I will bring him back, but for what?

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

my brain: “you can have two days of normality again” me: “ok. and then?” my brain: “…” me: “…” my brain: “CRISIS! CRISIS! CRISIS!”

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

I wanted to recreate my favourite comic with these characters but I couldn’t decide which idea I liked more so I guess this just happened to Edgeworth twice, maybe more

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

yet again I will make no more progress with this game because my father decided to be an antagonistic piece of garbage and since no one in this house stands up for me, I have to listen to him running all over the house misgendering me in the attempts to make everyone say something in agreement with him because he is, as I said, a piece of garbage

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

I just set up steam sharing on my mother’s computer so I could download the Phoenix Wright trilogy for her so I can force her to play at least the first trial and see if she likes the gameplay :)

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

I hate being alive

Just as a clarification “I am not okay, for a totally different reason this time” is in reference to my identity crisis and how I’ve been using drawing what I guess is furry-adjacent art as a way of expressing myself, and so Agent Lang literally baring his fangs at me is throwing me for a loop :)

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

Just as a clarification “I am not okay, for a totally different reason this time” is in reference to my identity crisis and how I’ve been using drawing what I guess is furry-adjacent art as a way of expressing myself, and so Agent Lang literally baring his fangs at me is throwing me for a loop :)

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

Okay yeah Agent Lang’s acting like a weirdo but you gotta forgive him he’s literally still bleeding out this whole time and probably off his ass on painkillers

That absolutely explains why he keeps yelling like this, I was wondering

[shadowoftheharvestmoon]

I am not okay, for a totally different reason this time