shadowsepiphany

[shadowsepiphany]

Hey! If your gonna have a taglist for duplicitous I would like to be in it pls !

Yes! I will tag everyone that commented <3

thank you so much for your interest in my fic🤎

[shadowsepiphany]

[Fic announcement: duplicitous (jjk)]

synopsis: you thought you had it hard enough when you start to fall for your college enemy and campus fuckboy, jeon jungkook, since you had little to no experience to relationships at all, but seeking advice in your online best friend who is behaving a little weird lately seems to be your bigger problem…or is he the same problem?

genre: smut, angst (are we surprised?)

pairing: jungkook x reader

warnings: enemies to lovers? jungkook is catfishing, slight bully jungkook (nothing too bad tho), jk is obsessed with reader, mutual teasing, strong language, mature content, sexual content, oral sex, unprotected sex (don’t.) college AU

rating: mature

word count: 10 k or a little more/less

an; so this is REALLY personal and even though all of my fics have a piece of me in them, this one has my whole soul and experiences in it.

teaser under the cut.

“Is that a Harry styles poster im seeing?” 

"Does that look like a Harry Styles poster?" You chuckled at the butterfly tattoo that was appearent on your favorite artists tummy, almost too distracted to look at Jungkook again, his brown eyes piercing you, anchoring you in place as he smirks gently.

“Why? "Do you like him as well?" He speaks while folding his hands and maintaining eye contact.

You excitedly nod, moving closer to him as he resumes his conversation in a more confident tone.

“Thats almost too many coincidences, dont you think? Its almost like I already know you too well.” 

[shadowsepiphany]

Wow, I just came across your blog and I love your writing style. Your descriptions are so vivid, visceral and yet, they’re somewhat gentle at the same time?? It’s absolutely beautiful and a pleasure to read

Sending love 🤍

this is the greatest compliment I’ve ever received!! Thank you so so much!

sending love back🤎

[shadowsepiphany]

thank you so much for including giving in on this list!!! My favorite version of min yoongi I’ve ever written honestly—

Hope you’re having a great day! <3

Kay's 18+ Recommendations update

Updated Recommendation list

2/25/2022

Original 18+ rec list

While I am on hiatus and away, here are some amazing fics. I highly recommend them and I’m sure you won’t be disappointed. Will continue to post new recommendations. So many incredible and hardworking writers on this list. I'm sure I missed some but if I have, I do put the recommendations under the #kay recommends Will add on as I go...

Warning: Some of these are 18+ smut or have some mature situations. So please read the warnings. (For the Enyphen fics it ONLY involves the Hyung line)

S = Smut

M = Mature

A = Angst

————————————————————————————

Min Yoongi

Three Tangerines Series (S+M+A) by @kithtaehyung

Giving in (S+M) by @shadowsepiphany

Kim Taehyung

I hope he heard (S+M+A) by @kookiessugababy

Right amount of wrongs (S+M) by @taegularities

Jeon Jungkook

Forever heart (S+M+A) by @sparklingchim

Rock my world (Tour) (S+M) by @kookiecrumb

Chris Evans

The golden days (S+M+A) by @iguessweallcrazyithinktho

Choi Soobin

Let me help you (S+M) by @bemysinphony

Yang (I.N) Jeongin

Rapt (S+M) by @seospicybin

Lee Heeseung

afterglow (A) by @enharcv

[shadowsepiphany]

hey! will there be a pt. 2 for state of grace? so in love w it!!

Yes definitely!! Thank you for loving it!! (Honestly probably my fav piece I’ve ever written)

[shadowsepiphany]

hii r u planning to make a second part for why wont u tell me??

Yes! This piece was supposed to be a huge one shot (so I’ve already written a few more thousand words) but I wanted to see if people like it before making it too long…so it’s gonna have a second part !

[shadowsepiphany]

Synopsis: Happiness in it’s complexity, was something you thought you had, back in college. Your best friends Jungkook and Yoongi, slowly became a big part in your life. But what happens when teenagers grow up to be rich and spoiled devils, hating each other deeply and fighting for the only thing that has stayed the same throughout the years: you.

Pairing: min yoongi/jeon jungkook x reader

Genre: smut, angst, romance

Warnings: mature content, sexual content, heavy language, love triangle, rich and spoiled yoongi and jungkook.

word count: hardly over 500. It’s a Drabble.

for mature audiences. | series m.list

Yoongi's fingertips glide across the white paper, his vision fading then sharpening as he examines it, his closest friend's secrets spread across it, words that cut deeper than a knife. He never wanted to read Jungkook's letters to himself, which he composed exclusively as a form of therapy to keep him sane. How could he do that? He had no idea about them till now, monotonous and foolish secrets that were burning beneath Jungkook's eyes every time they spoke.

“Yoongi-” As Jungkook watches his closest friend's eyes filled with wrath, tears finally dry, ears scarlet, and hands holding into his secrets, as if he was afraid he would forget all of Jungkook's deceitful words, he stammers, adding to the suspension.

"What are you fucking doing Jeon? Why my girl?"

"I'm sorry," he said, dismissing the question since he couldn't think of an answer to that interrogation even in the darkest recesses of his suffering mind. Why are you doing this? You were delicate, bright, and charming. However, the brilliance of your being is restricted by Yoongi's shaking hands, and Jungkook should never have sought the sweetness of your spirit.

“Does she know?” 

“Yes.” He lied, at least partially, because he was completely oblivious of your feelings, but he couldn't have come up with a better response than wanting to share Yoongi's rage with you rather than having to bear it alone.

A sensation of hope develops throughout Jungkook's body as he looks at his Best friend's pale face, mouth pulled into a narrow line, and eyebrows melting into one another as the door downstairs is opened. His bones warmed up again, his blood flowed normally, and his brain began to function again, although irregularly. You'll take care of things, as you always do.

Bitter steps were running up the wooden stairs, Yoongi's breaths were visibly limited with every noise he heard, his thoughts spiraling as you stumbled into the tiny bedroom, completely clueless, smile disappearing as soon as you could get a grasp of the atmosphere.

“Guys? What happened here? Are you okay Jungkook?”

The guy in question averted his look from you, and his face said more than any words he could have said, therefore his silence was more than enough. His eyes were black, not the dark he typically wore, the dark of a warm, pleasant room late at night, but the dark of fear: cold, empty, and above all, lost. As the sun shone through the windows, his mouth was slightly open, his nostrils flaring obviously, and the motives of the curtains on his face.

“of course you're asking him first” 

Before you met your boyfriends, you gradually lost your best friend's eyes, and if Jungkook's eyes were lost, Yoongis were dead. His lips were mirrored in crimson lines under his eyes, burning with markings that you recognized as his teeth. He was enraged, and you could tell by his body language as well as his tone of voice. He was now fully facing you, walking over to you with cold-hearted feet, a fast move handing you a paper, the meaning unknown, as he whispered:

“You're dead to me. You're both dead to me.”

[shadowsepiphany]

why wont you tell me? (kth)

Synopsis: two celebrity’s pretending to be in a relationship to support their upcoming movie, shouldn’t be that hard right? It is, when your hatred for each other is blinding the deeper connection you two have, and a deal forms into your deepest regret.

„good. that would be a violation of our pact.”

pairing: actor!taehyung x actress!reader

genre: smut, angst.

warnings: (okay here we go…) mature content, mature language, pining, teasing, hatred, JEALOUSY, oral sex, unprotected sex (don’t do that, be smart folks) Taehyung is an asshole, reader is a brat, some humor here and there, they’re idiots. mentions of asshole! yoongi as a movie producer.

word count: 4k (it used to be so much longer but maybe a part 2…perhaps…)

for mature audiences! | my m.list

As you looked in the mirror, the reflection of your face, which was shinier and brighter than usual, was engraved in your eyes. Your hair was falling softly and delicately on your shoulder, each lock done with hours of work, and your makeup seemed as if it had been tattooed on your face-forever. Which seemed to affect your expression as well; you burnt a hole in your mirror, your gaze fierce and cold, as if you were staring at someone else, someone prettier, wealthier, and more popular. Someone who has a loving boyfriend by her side, whose material is deep black, matching his eyes, and who joins your gaze to stare at you. His hair was still undone, but no one could deny how attractive he was at all times.

"How do you feel?" You inquired, your voice loud and hushed, scared Taehyung wouldn't hear you at all. But your worry was shattered in the air as he opened his mouth, allowing his gaze to wander to your figure, only to ignore you, leaving the room with the door slamming shut loudly behind you. Your attention was drawn back to your own reflection as you realised that your curls were too tight, the dress was overdone and ugly, and the tears forming in your eyes were the only sign of humanity left in your persona.

That was the thing with Kim Taehyung.

Since the first time you met him, silence has been the most unsettling tactic and the greatest insult he has used. Even if you tried everything you could, your relationship was not amicable. When your worst dread rings in your thoughts, regret rises to the surface in your chest. Couldn't you have done anything more simple? Something where the streets are clear, there's enough fresh air to breathe, and the hand you touch outside is a warm, loving one?

As you stepped out of the car, the red carpet was too bright for your eyes, and the flashing lights burned wounds into your brain; instead, you found yourself swimming in his warm gaze, even though you knew everything he said or did in public was an act. After all, he was an actor, and you were occasionally shocked at how excellent he was at it.

His arm was on your back, leading you, assuring you of your safety, just as he did with your followers, or "shippers," as they call them, if they only knew that the ship was never built at all, but rather a media stunt, with the focus remaining on your now joined hands. Your heart was racing, and his hand was clutching yours tighter, as if he could sense your odd pulse.

“Now”

His voice was severe and full of expression, and even though he never said what he meant, his posture and quick stare at your lips spoke more than any words could. It was time for the show to begin.

As you heard the cameras clicking and people yelling even louder than before, he lowered his face onto yours, his lips hesitating, scratchy, and hot blooded as he eventually gave in, both of your lips full of lies moving in unison with each other, everything appeared almost peaceful. Except for your ears, which seemed to pick up the noises even more, distorting them into something so awful, you blamed it on your eyes being closed, darkness engulfing every bit of your senses.

Maybe that's the price people like you have to pay for selling your soul against your will, under long-term contracts.

You didn't realise it was you who broke up the interaction, his eyes flashing at you, his emotions disguised and ambiguous. Taehyung put his hand on your back once again and guided you to the car, the one who always comes to pick you up, assisting you in escaping this horror. It was a limousine, barely noticeable against the black night.

As you sat down, you felt his hand abruptly slide off your back, the coolness that formed on that small location obvious and concise, your mood heated and restless, blood pumping slower, ultimately. Before anyone could ask you about it, you allowed yourself to close your eyes for a second, letting all signs of nervousness go away.

It's not like anyone would notice. Especially not the person peering out the window with his hands on his knees and more visible veins than you can remember.

"Can you tell me where you were this morning?" His nostrils were flaring nervously and his fists were abruptly drumming on his knees, his eyes slightly flickering as he questioned with the moonlight reflected in his eyes.

"I was at brunch," you explained.

"Whose company were you in?" Taehyung interrogated, his voice slightly trembling due to the frigid weather. As he abruptly turned to you, his hair was falling somewhat differently than before, locks trembling.

Why does he seem so...concerned?

"It's none of your concern." You looked at the rim of your dress, trying to adjust something that wasn't even out of place, smoke exiting your lips with every breath, trying to end the conversation.

"You know, I still have some sort of right as your false lover."

"No, you don't. Let it be." Your tone was angrier than you intended, and Taehyung picked up on it as he tightened his jaw, visibly enraged, his eyes drifting away from yours, the window drawing his attention once more.

As he threw himself on the plainly ruined bed, it made a lot of noise. The blankets engulfed him in a world of fantasies, a world in which he wished to be. Your odour lingered in his nostrils, and your eyes were fixed on him, irritated by his actions and clearly intoxicated state.

“You can take the couch today baby, see you in the morning.”

As soon as he heard you huff, he turned to the side, thereby leaving you no chance to respond or protest. He chuckled to himself, one of his favourite aspects of being cooped up with you for the length of the summer was irritating you.

"I'm not here in the morning, actually. I'm going out once more."

As you walked out of his room, closing the door without caution, you were confident he was already asleep; you couldn't care less whether he awoke. However, you were thrown back when the door unexpectedly opened again. Taehyung was towering over you once more, shirtless, and you could only sense every line of his body due to the lack of light.

“Who.”

"Who what? Are you an owl?" You  inquire.

"Tell me who are you seeing?" He was enraged, and you could feel him gazing at you, making you anxiously shake.

"I'm not seeing anyone. I'm only taking my mother out."

"got it."

And then he was gone, crashing into his dark wood door with a loud thud. You debated leaving him alone, ignoring his strange behaviour as you had for the previous weeks, but his attempts to interrogate you piqued your interest, so you unlocked his door, boldly walked into his room, and saw him sit up right away.

"Can you tell me what you want now?" He sounded drowsy, his brows arched at you, and the small bulb on his nightstand remained lit.

"What's bothering you so much?"

Your footsteps were audible, and you noticed him rolling his eyes at you as your figure drew closer, obstructing his ability to ignore you.

"It doesn't," he objected

"It does! You did it in the car as well!"

After a long pause, you were hesitant to speak again, but as you came to your senses and let a breath out, he already replied, quickly but loudly.

"If you're seen with anyone else, it'll merely ruin my reputation."

He mumbled as if he were a small child, his hand on the back of his head scratching gently. You wouldn't have caught the action if you hadn't been paying attention to him and his every move since the beginning of the discussion.

He was clearly lying, his eyes in the air and his body undulating as if the truth were pouring out of him. But you were already familiar with him.

"Your reputation is already ruined! You've never given a damn about it, and you're well aware of it!"

As he stood up, facing you, his look became more intense with each passing second, every expression visible in his black eyes yet intent lost in them.

"Don't be a brat. Go to Bed."

"Are you referring to the couch?"

"Y/N," he muttered, taking a malicious and terribly rapid stride towards you, and you felt his presence drown you.

“What, Taehyung, what?”

You couldn't even take a breath before recognizing what had occurred, sucking on his lower lip as he kissed you, hot and passionately, every part of your body shivering and tingling, and you felt his hands on the wall beside you, even though they weren't touching you at all.

The kiss was unusual, not at all sharp, releasing ecstatic feelings as they were being taken away, every vein in your body ceasing to carry blood for a second, and you could feel your head burning up.

“Now go to bed. I will take the couch.”

You didn't dare to refuse, not only because you seemed stuck in your position, the floor sucking in your feet, and you kind of lost your balance, but also because you seemed to have succeeded in some way, eliciting a reaction from the usually cold individual who had just left the room in a hurry you'd never experienced before.

You've never had a kiss from him before. Not without cameras, and certainly not without intent.

And you've felt awful about lying to him in some way.

When Taehyung decided to apply for an audition, he experienced two miracles. First and foremost, he was given the part right immediately. The casting director's eyes glittered at him, his palms on the table, feverishly drumming, and the papers in his hands trembled and fluttered.

Nonetheless, he seemed custom - made for the part.

He spoke in the exact octave that the writer had pictured in his brain. His facial expressions were flawless, right down to the tiniest dimple and spot. Taehyung began to believe that everyone would be captivated with him.

He rose to fame as a Rolling Stone and became one of the most well-known and sought-after actors in the world, however his ego surpassed his pay. Everyone wanted him, everyone loved him, and he allowed himself to be loved like a narcotic, even though he had never desired anyone else. Girls kissing him in the club, pointless dates, and hearts breaking like withered roses in their rooms, he could have lived like this forever.

If he hadn't met you, nothing would have changed. Yes, you were the second miracle in his life. You were a fallen angel in a field of flowers, a broken branch on a blossoming tree. You judge him because you have no desire for him.

If it weren't for the eyes you looked at him with, without passion or excitement, the shaking of your hands would have been the most uncomfortable thing Taehyung had ever experienced.

If you had met him sooner, he might have been able to live with it. The Taehyung who fell in love and the Taehyung who studied himself in the mirror critically. But he couldn't and didn't want to believe that there was someone out there who didn't want him.

And that hadn't changed, he thought with quivering hands the next afternoon when he read through the stories about you with trembling fingers.

You fooled him.

He'd never kissed you like that before.

He had no idea who was being played on. Why would he still feel your lovely lips on his if he simply wanted to win you over so he could complete his collection? Why did he still remember your soft voice and the way you blinked softly as he took your breath? 

When you stood in front of him, teary eyes peered at him in wonder, he forgot how much he wanted to curse you. He began to stutter and blink more frequently than ever before. You were like a siren and he was addicted to his deep end.

"What's the matter?" His voice was softer and deeper than normal, even deeper than the disguised ones in the interviews. He noticed himself loosening his tie, averting your look, and wiping his hands on his shirt, sweat palpable under his clothes, an exceedingly fast racing heart perceptible as well.

“Taehyung, can we talk inside?”

He took a peek around, his chair squeaked, and he felt something crack on it. In the spring, the grass was greener than ever, flowers graced the otherwise boring meadows, and the sun shone brighter than it had in previous years. As you leaned closer to the ashtray on the table, it reflected some type of faint blue light in your face. Why was he unable to talk?

He decided to use his body and gave a little nod, your disintegrated attitude acting as a narcotic, which he noticed as he stood up and stepped in front of you.

Taehyung recognized the man you had brunch with this morning from the paparazzi images, with his crooked grin and cat eyes.

Min Yoongi, a film producer, no, the century's film producer, is adored by almost everyone except Taehyung. Despite not being the angel in the film business himself, the selfish, self-loving man in the world caused alarm bells to ring.

He must have harmed you in some way. Did he make you do something you didn't want to do? Did you fall in love with the older man just to discover that he was a liar? Was he a friend of yours? Your boyfriend even?

Taehyung let out a frustrated sigh when he turned around and couldn't discern anything in your averted glance. He had never really heard of you before playing your boyfriend. He had no idea about your life, your preferences, or anything else. Just the fact that there was one thing you didn't really care for: him. And that was the entire attention, the entire value that Taehyung assigned to you.

“Did he do something to you?”

“What?”  Your confusion was evident, not only in the tone of your voice, but also in the uncrossing of your arms and the quick head shake.

“Min Yoongi. Is he your Boyfriend?” As you took the phone from his grip, the image was bright and clear.

“No. He was talking to me about a role this morning.”

“You told me you were going out with your mom.”  he contradicted. You rolled your eyes and took a step closer to him.

“Because you're a jealous mess. Look at you. Are you in love with me or something?”

That was a step too far. It's gone way too far. Taehyung was asked a question he didn't want to answer, and his thoughts circled around him without him being able to stop them. Every second mattered, and every reaction would haunt him for the rest of his life.

“What were you upset about?” 

“I don't even know why I wanted to tell you that. It's not like we're friends or something.” you replied, looking away.

“Yes you're right. I don't even care about it.” 

“Tae?”

Fuck. 

"Are you?I mean, is it true that you're in love with me?" Your eyes were drawn back to him. Right in front of his widening pupils. When he answered you, he couldn't help himself - eye contact is a more powerful weapon than words could ever be.

"No. Not in the slightest."

"Good. That would be a violation of our pact." And with that, you moved deeper inside the house, your footsteps audible and the little glimmer of disappointment undetectable to you both.

You wanted to scream the first time you saw him. He was far more irritating than you had expected. Your best friend told you that he was selfish, and that as he grew older, he learnt to play with people rather than toys.

But it wasn't just his persona that was irritating; it was also what he radiated and portrayed. His hair was dark brown and fluffy, his eyes were wide, and his voice made you feel like you were sinking into the earth.

Maybe he wasn't as horrible as everyone thought.

“Hey babe. I'm Taehyung.”

He was, after all, just as horrible.

As you peered at him, you observed your brows droop and your eyes draw down, attempting to show every feeling other than the interest you felt.

As a result, you shake his hand, confident that you are everything to him, except his "babe."

You think about that time and those emotions practically every day, even on set, as you watch someone apply his makeup, ruffle his hair, and glance in the mirror with pride.

What an idiot.

“Okay you guys, I'm sorry but mr. Park isn't here yet. So youre gonna have a break now and after that we're gonna film scene 19. Get ready love birds.” 

As your thoughts became considerably louder, the frustrated groans of the makeup artists who had set up a lot of work for nothing were only faintly focused into your ears. Scene 19 is the scene in which the protagonist confesses.

Your eyes were drawn unintentionally to Taehyung, who now gulped hard and walked out of the room with heavy feet, clearly furious. You leapt out of your chair and followed him into the dressing room without any thought.

“Why are you so frustrating Kim Taeh-”

“Why are you in my locker room?” 

You inhaled loudly as a half-naked Taehyung captured your attention. Even when you strained your eyes, your lids began to ache as your senses were overwhelmed and filled with images that couldn't be deleted.

“Can you put some fucking clothes on?”

“Did you forget that you're in my locker room?” he responded, as you felt him closing the door behind you. 

You couldn't bear keeping your eyes closed any longer and finally opened them to see that he was still not dressed; in fact, not only was his shirt open, but so were his pants.

"'m sorry."

When you discovered the door wasn't just closed, it was locked, you turned around to face him again, shaking your head at his actions. He was waving a key in his hand as you were going to speak, hearing your huff loudly as you denied his gaze.

“What Is it? Am I making you nervous? Suddenly youre apologizing like a good girl, as if you werent a fucking brat the whole week.”

Only a weak, indistinguishable sound escaped your lips as your voice faded. No. You said you'd never allow him to impress you because your dignity and pride were too important to you.

However, although half of you genuinely believed and trusted in those statements, the other half was perplexed. He kept on coming nearer and nearer until you could feel his breath.

"How come you never asked about why I kissed you that night?" Even though his words were barely audible, you could feel his hot breath on your ears. You could reach out and touch his chest if you stumbled a little further forward. The idea makes you feel heated.

“Because our communication isn't the best.” you mumbled honestly.

"Oh, you want good communication?"You felt every single hair stand up as he delicately brushed his lips over your earlobe, infested with Taehyung's poison and with no possibility of healing.

“I think you look really hot in this tight dress of yours.” 

As he delicately touched your cheek, his eyes strained and waiting, all your confidence seemed to go.

“Come on baby, say something. Can I rip it off of you?” 

“Yes.” You responded almost immediately, it filled you with shame, but it didn't last all too long before he pressed his lips on yours.

As you buried your hands in his hair, your lips moved fast, urgently, and passionately. You merely take a step back to take a breath, but it doesn't take long before your lips are pressed together.

You were sure to have heard something broken as Taehyung placed you on his table and began kissing down your neck with only one hand while throwing all the produce from his table onto the floor with the other.

“Damn it woman, your body drives me crazy…so fucking perfect.”

His remarks began to cloud your senses, and every emotion felt as if you were intoxicated or high. For a brief moment, you were brought back to reality by the sound of your dress's zip loosening.

“Tae-Our pact-”

“Don't worry. Only sex, no love.”

Your pact would consist of only one sentence and one condition: you will never feel for each other. It was supposed to protect everyone once the movie was finished, allowing everyone to go their own way without fear of being hurt. You are, after all, a professional.

However, there was no going back after you felt his kisses on your chest and groaned: it wasn't professional anymore, and the pact? It's not that it's broken, but that it has been betrayed.

You began to spread your hands over his torso; the surface was warm, and you were taken aback by his temperature, as you felt your own cheeks heat up now that he had also removed your underpants.

“Gorgeous..” he whispered, as if he was praying.

When he started playing with your Folds, he had to pay attention to what you felt and enjoyed as his speed increased.

“Make some noise for me baby, come on.”

You listened to him and raised your voice, his name on your tongue like a weapon on the verge of exploding when you finally shouted it, which pleased Taehyung.

“Fuck, we dont have time.” he explained, pulling your attention towards the clock. 

“Just- Fuck Taehyung, just fucking do it!” 

He stood calmly and gracefully in front of your entrance, listening to you and looking you in the eyes once more.

“You sure? We're not protecting.” he asked, clearly as much on the edge as you were yourself, so you just nodded violently before you felt him disappearing inside of you, a loud groan escaping his lips, deep and rough. 

He started moving in heavy motion, sinking in and out of you without much thought, as you clutched onto him tighter and moaned louder, just for him to pull out.

“On your knees, now.”

You were taken aback by his words and the loss of your pleasure, but you couldn't think of anything else to do at the time, so you found yourself on your knees quickly after his request.

“Go on, be a good little slut for me.”

“Taehyung, you in there?”

You raised your eyes to your directors voice, Park Jimin, and met Taehyung's innocent gaze as he puffed, plainly irritated, and turned on.

“Yes, currently changing, what's up.”

“Did you tell Y/N yet?” his voice was drowned due to the closed door, but Taehyung was quick to get dressed again.

“Uh, no, can't we talk about this later?”

 “Just tell her that youre in love with her or fucking move on! We have a scene to film!”

His eyes burned holes in your own as you stood up, looking at him in doubt. He opened his mouth but remained quiet.

Scene 19 was already done and the pact wasn't broken but shattered. 

[shadowsepiphany]

please take your time and read this.

As a person that experienced racism plenty of times but never actually spoke out about it, this is refreshing. Someone having the courage to actually act instead of being silenced.

thank you so much. this means a lot to me.

what it’s like to be silenced as a POC BTS Writer

I recently joined @bangtandarknet, a BTS writing network for dark fic writers because I wanted to get to know more people in the community as we are a kink/trope minority here and participate in events that centre around highlighting dark fics. What I did not expect is to experience racial microaggressions in a place where I was supposed to feel safe like any network should be. Before I get started, this is based on my own experience and what I felt during these interactions. What I have to share is about specific people and the way they handled a specific discussion. I want to be clear that I do not believe all members of this network agree or act in the same manner as these few.

I want to preface this with the fact that I’m a South East/East Asian immigrant living in the West. While growing up, I would usually ignore these types of racial transgressions in order to avoid conflict, but now, I realize all that does is silence my voice and the racism I experience. That is why I’m making this post.

For context when you read, Nova is @celestial-moonlight, Admin Chee is @chelsea-chee and Meggi is Megan (@caughtinpjm​), formerly known as @bangtanspeaks. In regards to Megan from this post, it’s clear this is not the first time she has made racially charged comments.

I’m glad that Noxie (@scribblemetae) was there during my experience because I didn’t feel totally alone while speaking out. While she isn’t a POC, she did what all white people should do in this situation. Instead of joining her fellow white people in ignoring, invalidating and silencing POC, she listened, understood and stood up for me, and POC alike.

Below are the screenshots of everything that had been said and what happened to me on the network’s Discord server yesterday. I know that the proper protocol is to ask for permission to post these screenshots since it has their names on them so I did for Noxie and Virginia but with the rest, how can I lay out the truth if I was silenced in the first place? They left me with no choice but to do this.

Weiterlesen

[shadowsepiphany]

When’s your next post?

currently writing an enemies to lovers actor AU, It will be out some time this week!!

[shadowsepiphany]

Who is Ky? My Introduction, small (fun) facts about me.

My BTS Masterlist. All of my work listed in one big list. Please don’t ignore the warnings and don’t read my work if it’s marked as mature, if you’re not an adult yet.

Behind the words. Drabbles that didn’t make the cut, pictures for visualization, playlists and explained metaphors for my story’s. I’m an author that needs a lot of inspiration and depth for my work, you can find all of that here.

Currently…

TBOSAS fic work in progress….

My latest works.

why won’t you tell me? (kth.)

dust beneath (jjk.)

anaxiphilia 03

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Drabbles, playlist, pictures for visualization…

Behind Anaxiphilia.

Anaxiphilia m.list

Behind the giving duology. (coming soon!)

giving duology m.list

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Drabbles (that didn’t make the cut?):

Before Anaxiphilia:

Yoongi and Jungkook at the college graduation (coming soon!)

Yoongi learns the truth about the betrayal

…

During Anaxiphilia:

Jungkook finding out about his boss’s identity (coming soon!)

After Anaxiphilia:

…

Pictures for visualization:

Before Anaxiphilia:

Jungkook and yoongi in college

During Anaxiphilia:

Yoongi in usual work attire

Playlist

In progress (if you have song ideas let me know!)

[shadowsepiphany]

The giving duology m.list

Pairing: professor!yoongi x reader

Genre: smut, romance, angst

Rating: mature

Warnings: mature language and mature content, sexual content, former professor! x student (both consenting adults) dirty talk, use of the nickname princess, soft dom! yoongi

read here.

Synopsis: it should be simple. He was your professor and you were his student. But literature taught you both, that passion was a sensation, that overwhelmed rational thinking. Passion was a feeling that was made for giving in.

Word count: 2,1k

coming soon!

Synopsis: human minds aren’t capable of being rational when being in love, so when passion is overshadowed by jealousy and anger, sometimes two life’s being as different as both of yours were made for giving up.

[shadowsepiphany]

Call me ky or ash, whatever you prefer <3

Birthday: 26th may, currently 20 years old.

My chart for anyone that is interested in astrology: Gemini sun, Aries moon and Libra rising

My bias is Yoongi, but Taehyung is really testing me...Love all of them equally though, all of the members have a special place in my heart and are a special source of inspiration for me.

Surprise, im a huge music nerd. Im collecting Vinyls like a maniac. Im a huge swiftie, also love arctic monkeys, the neighbourhood and lana del rey.

I read a lot. Like, its not natural anymore. My favorite Books currently are Normal people and The Secret History. Sally Rooney and Donna Tartt are geniuses.

I’m half italian half japanese.

I am fluent in English, italian and German. I can speak a little Spanish, but understand it quiet well.

I’ve always been a writer and I hope that I can give people that read just as much as I do a little joy with my work <3

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This is what I imagine Anaxiphilia! Jungkook and Yoongi college pics were, before they hated each other :( (Why am I sad I wrote the story.)

Read here if you have no clue what I’m talking about and want to know.

[shadowsepiphany]

Dust Beneath | jjk.

Synopsis: how much you’ve longed for him, the nerdy boy in your class, but you left highschool, barely talking a word to each other. reconnecting in college seemed like misty-eyed nostalgia, a second chance. but jungkooks obvious change latched like dust to your fingers.

Pairing: Fuckboy!Jungkook x reader

Genre: College AU, unrequited love

Warnings: mature content, mature language, Jungkook is a little shit sometimes (with a golden heart), drinking and smoking, reader is absolutely insane for jungkook, deep talk about humans and the universe

Rating: mature!

Word count: 1,5k (just a small Drabble)

fragments of the white issue caused by the insufferable weather were hanging on the windows of his freezing, black car. The colour of the car was swallowed by the nothingness of the night, simply gone, your red cheeks the only sign of life in this lifeless seeming situation, his hand rising and sinking out of you, his knuckles, every swung formed with perfection hitting your sponge like spot, butterflies filling up your stomach, caused rather by his fixated eyes, deep brown hitting your trembling skin, than his act. Your breaths of coldness were catched by the air, visibly forming clouds, your moans were behaving and it displeased him. 

Him, Jeon Jungkook, the person you hid from back in high school, even if he wasnt searching for you at all. His shy personality and sly grin, fast hand taking notes, carefully and concentrated, his seat was never empty. His voice was low and quiet, but your ears appreciated them often, right answers but wrong reactions displaying in front of you. 

The first time you have talked to your silly crush was in a place you have never expected him to be: a place for the misbehaving bunch, detention. You couldnt believe your eyes when his usually empty seat was filled yet again, dark hair and red ears in front of you, the only thing your other senses picked up on where your heart beating out of place and the smell of his cologne sticking up your nose, blocking your ability to answer when his face was suddenly way too close to your own, his smile directed at you for the first time when he asked: 

”Why are you here?”

The Question was bound to be leaving his lips yet again, becoming words that tied you two together, instead of a song usually would. The dorms were infected with individuals sticking their cigarettes in their mouths like they would give them back their sanity, your eyes growing bored of the same situation being displayed in the same way every passing day. Every heavy step, unable to be heard from others but incredibly noisy for your own self, were causing your brain, weary but watchful, to shut down. Eyes were turning black as you could sense your fingertips grasping the rim of your door, before a heavier sensation was bound to shake you up, a shoulder, admittedly bony, was crashing into your own. It creeped you out, the way all of your senses knew immediately who was in front of you, his cologne, his voice and even his physique on your shoulder for less than a second: Jeon jungkook was recognizable.

Mumbling his apologies he stopped as he finally recognized you too, a smile flashing on his lips, apologetic but still sunny, before something else flashing you caught your attention: A piercing above his brow, gallant and quiet bright, caused your lips to be a reflection of his own, smiling, inclining towards a maniac almost.

“Oh hey! Why are you here?”

There is something so peaceful about the world being small, the whole universe swallowing everything whole. You can live and die, and the universe will forget you. But doesnt matter how seemingless that may sound, it's also the best thing a human can experience: Do what you want, be who you want, in the end, no one cares. Humans are all the same.

So it was bound to happen: reconnecting with people almost forgotten, the nostalgia misty eyed and bittersweet as his cologne that you started to experience every single day from now on, reminded you of much simpler times, times that were slightly morose, hanging in the air whenever you talked to jungkook. Everything turned to nothingness, his whole persona changed, tattoos that your mind disowned as a part of this once sweet boy, now breaking hearts and his seat empty in class, your heart wrenching a little. The only dust left were your feelings for him, as you realised it wasn't the sweetness you fell for, but the part that hid beneath it: the soul straining to show his true self, but not the person he showed, you were certain of that.

“Y/N? Are you listening?” 

Brown eyes were piercing you, luminous and sweet, his face the only thing of sweetness left in his being. He would never get rid of his childlike features and in all honesty, it calmed you, knowing that no matter how many piercings or tattoos he would get, no matter how much more he would work out, this old part of him will always remain the same.

His Head was tilted, almost deranged, nose delicate but scrunched together causing your lips to escape a sweet giggle. How you have fallen for him, like a teenage girl in college.

“Sorry, I'm listening.” You assured him, hands on the hardwood floor, dust latching onto your fingers, a grey cloud forming onto them, somehow reminding you of the individual sitting in front of you, shoving the chopsticks into his mouth, the act bizarre but still seeming generously sensuous, as he started talking again, despite food still not swallowed, a rude gesture if you wouldn't be sitting in a dirty dorm, lousy and messy, in which everything and everyone stepping a food into it seemed classy.

“Well, I thought about going to this party. The thing is, I need to bring someone to be able to enter. I don't wanna give any of them girls a false expression that i'm trying to settle, you know?”

A noodle was hanging from his rosy lower lip, distracting you amidst your own chopsticks leaving your mouth again, your take out food now empty, put to the side, solely an act  to be able to think about Jungkook's words a little longer. 

“That sucks, yeah. What are you gonna do?”

You weren't naive, but you rather played the part, instead of assuming falsely. Was he about to ask you to accompagne him? Your heart was beating faster and you damned your whole body for the reaction displayed, luckily, only for you to notice. Jungkook stopped trying to understand others, since he didn't even understand himself, his observing gift being left unused. Eyes sparkling and corner of his mouth, raising a little, studiously satiric, confirming your assumption before he even spoke a syllable. 

“You're going with me! Youre my best friend, were not fucking, no false hopes. Also you're my free ticket to lay someone there, haven't been able to do that in a while.”

There it was again, the wall, sometimes invisible but now with heavy stones, rough and strongly spiked, separating you two from each other. Your heart with a thousand stitches, inevitable and wounded, your face red, trying to hide the emotions that flooded your senses, while he remained emotionless, numb, awaiting for your answer. 

What great best friends you two were.

You couldn't believe it one bit. How one human individual had so much power over you, over your choices and days, without even sensing it. But it was mirrored in your behaviour: a white dress latching onto your figure like the dirt on your fingers the day before, an invisible halo displayed above your head, gorgeous and lunar, like the moon blending your view in the car. You felt his stare, but the reason behind it remained hidden. Does he think you look pretty? Breathtaking even? You tried to observe his breaths, and they did seem unordinary. 

Something was off.

Deep and treacherous snow was falling as you heard him cursing slightly, his voice raising with every second passing by. You saw the white traitor in heavy measures, caused by the wheels being stuck in them, feeling like you were trapped in a tiny hole. 

“Fuck, were not getting anywhere!” he cursed, stepping heavier into the gas pedal, his piercing somehow more luminous than usual, grabbing your attention and tying it to his features, despite being angered at the moment.

“What are we gonna do?” 

Your voice was calm, a blessing for Jungkook, as he felt his heart, presumably weak and cold, warm up at your tone and eyes. 

“Waiting until the rain will melt the snow off.”

His hands were letting go off his wheel visibly, you could feel your heart beating at the situation that you didn't seem to comprehend until now, your breath catching onto the snow glistening, threatening to reveal your inner self to your best friend.

“Well, you wanna talk?” he was curious, eyes scanning your every move and you felt like you walked into an intervention. His brows were raised and mouth slightly opened, eyelids closed for a second, it was the only second you could breathe again.

“Yeah, why not.” Your voice was high, higher than usual and Jungkook experienced deja-vús, heavily under his skin. He couldn't quite recall where he heard this kind of voice before, but his mouth was open, before he could hold himself back any longer.

“Or, we could fuck.”

Your face was disturbed and he bit his tongue, his brain darkened like an eclipse, afraid he said something wrong, like he usually did when it comes to you. But as he lowered his gaze, he could see your thighs pressed together, hands twitching and he knew, he knew you were just like the rest of them and he just scored. 

And as he kissed you and gave you exactly what you wanted, the only thing that he didn't catch on was how much deeper his own pain reached, feeling used in the dark corner of his soul, like dust beneath the surface.