shakurbadu

[shakurbadu]

“She know she my honeybun” -🐞

make room for the transition Gem 🐛…🦋

[shakurbadu]

“A Lover’s Orbit Energy”

Growing up with You has been one of my most fondest experiences in this life. Our precious memories, I’ll cherish forever and a day. Our candid moments—thee uncontrollable laughter.

You know, it brings me pure joy every time I see You smile.

It gives me great joy every time I see You dance.

I’ve heard You often say that no one truly understands You.

Honestly, partial of that is true…

No one overstands You the way I do (that’s why I’m the favorite).

I overstand You my love

The anger

The neglect

The wandering

The brokenness

The choices

The grief it takes to ruin a young girl’s life at the tender age of 14 is deafening. No matter how quiet You are, that’s always the loudest thing in the room. The grief it took for You to live still. The expectations of You to do still—give still.

I witness You “still”. Still your way through this life.

I admire that resilience in You alone.

You’ve taught me the most about this life. From your unexpected outbursts, to your unsolicited anger, all the way back to your unconditional love.

Because it’s ALWAYS been about love for You.

However, this love didn’t come easy. No. This love showed up in the form of heartbreak—I know your heart aches for the many things You find unattainable.

That’s why I view You from an higher angle; Ancestor.

That’s why I see You perfectly; Lesson.

That’s why I cling to You the way I do; Love.

That’s why I root for You the way I do; Deep.

Not many truly comprehend the beauty found in the brokenness.

“But what they see as drama, I see more as art.”

An everlasting suffering, smothered in agony, take pain and bestow it upon her casually daring her to not cause any casualties.

Make her make do with what she has…instilled in her a yearning for unconditional love but no real way of dealing with the guilt of her past. No real understanding of the trials she would have to surpass. No real guideline to the healing.

Tell her that she’s less than NOTHING and in the same breath EVERYTHING she’ll never be.

You give her a mother that ran and a father that wasn’t true. You give her a baby sister named Diane, baby brother Eric, baby brother Carl, baby brother Simmie, baby sister Annie and a baby brother named Blue. Burden her with the responsibility of caring for them when she was just a baby too…

Take a precious soul and mold her into a life force ensuring that her lineage, her legacy, her womb be blessed for many moons.

Painted Her in Colors She couldn’t call by name—

Colors of Chaos: Birth her from a forbidden affair.

“Fathers” touching daughters, silent mothers birthing heirs, hushed family with malicious comments and judgmental stares.

Shaming the child for simply being here.

Colors of Compromise: Make the child to give love still

Make the child to be still

Make the child to see life through thieves eyes

Robbed the child of her childhood

Robbed the child of her peace

Robbed the child of her happiness

Colors of Courage: Mold the girl into a mother

Mold the mother into mother and father

Mold the mother and father into a woman

Mold the woman into self

Colors of Care: Self into Vessel, Vessel into Spirit, Spirit into Magic, Magic into Soul, Soul into Love.

Colors of Compassion: A gift of true love, A masterpiece begging to shatter, A matter of the heart but even better…

THE PUREST FORM OF ART!

Happy Birthday Lover

I LOVE YOU DORA JANE ♾

[shakurbadu]

[shakurbadu]

Dear Aunt Nora,

Give Thanks. I never thought I’d be able to write it down. You’ve geared me up to “GET IT OUT!”

So here goes…

You know, there’s something terribly haunting about hearing the words…

“You have cancer.”

It’s SUCKS the life out of you immediately!

Then it becomes an endless loop, where you’re just watching yourself drown.

That monotonous feeling stays for a long while, melancholy follows shortly after—then the sickness. The sickness itself gathers You up and swallows You whole.

And then after ALL of that!

You die? You die.

I never processed ANYTHING properly after that day.

I just stopped.

I stopped.

I couldn’t believe my life was ending.

I never felt my own heartbeat—suddenly it became thee only thing I could feel.

“I can’t die at 22!”

Breathe.

“I haven’t done shit with my life!”

Breathe.

“I can’t die at 23!”

Breathe.

“I haven’t experienced life!”

Breathe.

“I CAN’T FUCKING DIE!”

BREATHE!

“no one will remember me.”

breathe.

“Aunty please, please don’t let me die, Aunty please.”

Cry

“AUNTY SPEAK TO ME!”

CRY

That’s when God gave me a glimpse into Heaven. And I saw you, I saw you clear as day. And I thought, surely God was playing some sort of sick joke on me. I smelled your scent and wanted to follow you. I heard your voice and in the mist of all the turmoil…I ascended. It was your voice, it carried me, it caressed me softly, it calmed my soul, it was gentle, it was still, it was healing, it was here…

“cry first—now listen

it’ll eat you alive, if you let it.

If You let it, it’ll EAT You alive.

IF YOU LET IT!

Eventually you’ll become a mere shadow of yourself—You watched it happen to Me.

Not to mention the fear.

God the FEAR—the fear of death alone sends you into a whole nother world altogether.

A Darkened World.

Just don’t forget to breathe Doodie.”

breathe

“Aunty please don’t leave, please.”

cry…

Looking back—I wish.

I wish I did everything differently

I wish I could go back in time and snatch myself up before I fell into that world

I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to simply “press on”.

I wish I could go back and tell myself “believe in you”.

I wish I could go back and hug that shadow of myself for hours—She deserved that at least

I wish I had let go of my expectations of people—looking for someone, looking for anyone to somehow show up and save me

I wish I hadn’t let go of myself so easily

I wish I reached out for my Mommy—I wish my Mommy reached out for Me.

I wish I could’ve talked to You about everything Aunty.

My favorite Aunty—I wish I could’ve told You that I finally understood that last hug You gave Me. The tightness of it, the lingering of it, the sincerity of it. I finally understood.

I finally understood that one dream where You came to Me and smiled at Me so sweetly before asking “Hey You wanna come with Me?”

It was in that dream that I remembered You so vividly.

I remembered seeing the most beautifully vibrant rainbow I had ever seen in my entire life, shining right behind You—oddly enough I hid from it and I hid from You.

I didn’t understand why…I adore rainbows and I LOVE YOU. You waited for Me still, never letting go of that sweet smile. That’s when I knew it wasn’t a dream but an escape route.

Instantaneously, I woke up and it was in that moment that I declared… “I refuse to die.”

I wasn’t ready to go with You.

I wasn’t ready for You to see Me give up on Life.

Although, I miss You.

I miss You like crazy—Truthfully I can’t imagine what it was like for You to come to terms with Death.

I couldn’t even come to terms with your death, let alone my own.

The fear of thee unknown is heart wrenching.

The fear of death is unsettling.

The fear is final.

Death is so Final.

Realizing it wasn’t the cancer that killed You but the fear of it all—broke me.

I never realized how constant cancer was in my life, until it hit me—it’s been around me since the beginning of time.

I never realized the power I gave cancer, until I saw myself living with it—then it really hit me; Live with it

LIVE WITH IT!

LOVE THE LIFE YOU’VE LIVED!

NOW LET IT GO!

I remember the day I let it go and decided to live without it.

That’s when I really prepared myself to live on!

To Love on

To Love Still

To Love Harder

To Become Love

Love Conquers All

LOVE OVER FEAR!

Give Thanks Aunty for not letting Me fall.

10/25/71–01/18/15

—Love Your Doodie ♾

[shakurbadu]

there was a time when i almost gave up on my dreams completely—all i could do was believe that i was going to live & not die.

i had to muster up all of my faith towards living. thank God that chapter of my journey is closed. i can breathe, i can soar, i can be, i can fly home.

[shakurbadu]

🥺💛

Let this serve as confirmation that you are breaking free from all self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors that hinder you from living in alignment with your truest intentions. You are doing the inner work on yourself. You are making progress. You're doing it.

[shakurbadu]

The Art of Letting Go… may look a lot like holding on—but that’s only because i believe you’ll come home, eventually.

[shakurbadu]

[shakurbadu]

well, i’m finally utilizing tumblr, so there’s a start 🤓 lol

#gooddays

[shakurbadu]

💮westside boi ♊️

[shakurbadu]

🐛🧡