shambolia

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Capitalism at it's finest

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You dance like the E in a GEICO commercial.

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"Who knew that the pandemic was actually going to be an intelligence test?" ---Billy

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American't

Americans are always willing to do the right thing.

(once we have exhausted all the other possibilities)

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People are the only creatures on earth who think they need to pay someone else to live on this planet.

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Two party system

American politics:

Republicans: We want to be rich and we don't care how we get there or who we screw over.

Democrats: We want to be rich and if it helps out some of you poor slobs well that just makes it look better.

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You know you're getting old when you start making noises like The Great Gildersleeve, also you will know who The Great Gildersleeve is without having to Google it.

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Fun with cooks:

As a breakfast cook I started turning the toaster to maximum at the end of my shift. The next person who made toast got burnt toast. I kept it up until the other cooks always checked. Finally one of them says "This isn't funny any more, you know we always check the toaster setting now." That was the day I also started leaving it unplugged.

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Whole wheat bread is $2.99, avocados are 99 cents each. Meanwhile some asshole who could end world hunger is launching their dumb ass into space "because they can"

Rich people: Thanks for nothing.

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"It's becoming apparent that humans probably moved to earth from mars after we ruined mars. Now billionaires want to move back to mars and fix the place up again."

-Captain Lunchbreak

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"I am trying to teach my wife how to be feral in our retirement. I don't think most humans know that they are just domesticated monkeys who have been trained from birth to be money slaves."

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Oh boy, a $5.00 discount on food delivery! Now my $7.95 hamburger will only cost $20.00 to be delivered.

Captain Lunchbreak

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You want gun control? Let Big Pharma run the gun business. You'll think twice about shooting someone when bullets are $1200 each

Billy

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Ted Wheeler has found a unique solution to the homeless crisis in Portland: Global Climate Change

Billy

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A good time was insured...

My wife said she wanted to go someplace really expensive for dinner so I took her to the local hospital and we ate in the cafeteria.

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Eventually you may find that what you actually want is not the thing your entire lifetime has been spent programming you to want.

Me

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So if you're fully vaccinated it's OK to go mask free. This is also the case if you are just a god damned liar.

Captain Lunchbreak