sheairis13

[sheairis13]

I’ve done it all—OPM shows, college gigs, even orchestra nights. But nothing hits like standing alone in a crowd, vibing at 3AM, then randomly chatting with a band after. That kind of presence sticks.

It started with emo songs on Limewire, syncing them to my iPod, and decorating Friendster profiles. I was 13. It was loud, messy, but it made sense. That’s when rock music first made sense to me.

That kid who used to love rock music never expected that years later, i’d be re-inspired by one casual moment at Starbucks.

I was just working when I looked up and saw Jay Contreras from Kamikazee. I remembered he’s from Cavite, like me. That moment sparked something in me. It took me back to the kid who loved their music. It made me want to go to gigs again and experience that energy in person.

Lessons in Gigs and Creativity

Unplanned Moments Become Core Memories

After that, everything started falling into place—gigs, new music, spontaneous conversations. And you know what? Some of the best parts of a gig are the ones you don’t plan. The spontaneous bits? That’s where the good stuff lives. It becomes core memories.

1. The Best Moments Aren’t Captured, They’re Felt

Live gigs will always hit different. I’ve seen bands go all out like it’s their last show. The real power lies in making people feel something—and that kind of energy doesn’t live on Spotify or YouTube.

It’s meant to be felt, in the moment.

2. Learning to Enjoy Things Alone

Show up for yourself. Whether it’s a gig or a creative project, learning to enjoy things on your own and having the courage to show up. You don’t need everyone to validate it.

And it works with Creativity as well. Own your ideas. As long as you are happy with what you’re doing mas enjoy.

3. Legends Aren’t Made Overnight

Before these bands earned their spotlight, it took years of grind, passion, and hard work. They didn’t wait for their moment—they made it happen.

Whether it’s in music or creativity, consistency is key. Great things don’t come overnight.

4. Creativity Thrives in Adversity

Your best ideas don’t always come when things are easy.

Sometimes they show up when you’re doubting yourself, outside your comfort zone.

That’s where growth—and real creativity—happens. Self-doubt is the ultimate killer of success. Don’t let it win.

5. Energy is Contagious

Passion ignites passion. Whether small or big crowd it’s how you give your all, it’s contagious. That taught me—what you put out into the world, people feel. Even if they don’t say it.

6. Rock Heals the Soul

Rock isn’t just music. Like any passion, it fuels creativity. When life gets tough, it heals. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be powerful.

It’s about the energy, the honesty, and the drive to create something real. That’s what connects us.

7. Passion Connects People

Passion isn’t just talent; it’s connection. Passion is what connects us to ourselves and to others. It’s something you build, whether through music, art, or even just showing up for your dreams.

8. Creativity is a Workout

Creativity’s a muscle. The more you practice, the stronger it gets.

You can’t expect to be great without putting in the effort. Keep at it, and watch yourself grow.

9. Never Stop Following What Fuels You

Follow your passion. When you follow what excites you, good things align. The right projects, people, even gigs—they’ll find you. But only if you keep showing up for what fuels you.

10. Start Now. Be Uncomfortable. Try Things

Creativity doesn’t happen in the comfort zone. Stop waiting for the perfect moment. It won’t come. Try the weird thing, the scary thing. Because being uncomfortable? That’s where the real growth is.

Life is What Happens When You're Making Other Plans

John Lennon once said, ‘Life is what happens when you're making other plans.’ Sometimes, you get so caught up in your plans that you miss the beauty in the unexpected. Life—like music—is in the moments, the surprises, the unplanned connections. That’s where the magic happens.

[sheairis13]

How Gigs Healed Me

A hobby that healed me.

I used to think I was just searching for a hobby — something to keep me busy, to fill weekends, to make life look a little fuller. I tried it all. Fitness. Sketching. Cafe hopping. Solo trips. Art fairs. And while they were fun in the moment, I’d often come home feeling… empty. Like I had borrowed joy that expired too fast. Like something was still missing. I feel so lonely behind the solitude.

But with gigs — it’s different.

There’s a sense of familiarity I couldn’t explain. A comfort that didn’t need translating. And maybe, deep down, I knew I was outgrowing the older version of me — and this newer version felt so much more alive. So much more me.

It’s the kind of chaos that doesn’t overwhelm me. It grounds me. Whether it's the surge of drums or the way strangers shout the same lyrics under dim lights, something in that noise feels like peace. Like I’m not lost anymore.

In those moments, I meet a version of myself I’ve been longing for: bolder, freer, softer around the edges. Someone who doesn’t need to pretend or shrink. I don’t just want this hobby — my body craves it. My soul needs it. That’s how I know it’s real.

Maybe that’s what “home” feels like — not a place or person, but a moment when you finally feel like you belong.

[sheairis13]

The Peace in Becoming

“Growth often looks like loss — of habits, of dreams, of versions of myself.”

As I grow older, I’ve learned that growth isn’t always about becoming someone entirely new — sometimes, it's about stepping out of the old. It’s choosing to leave behind comfort zones, even when they feel safe. It's saying no to patterns, trauma, beliefs, hobbies, or people I once clung to, because I now know there's something more aligned with the peace I’m seeking. A version of myself I haven’t fully met yet — but one I already believe in.

Growth is difficult, not because it's loud or dramatic, but because it's subtle. It’s the quiet courage to not box myself into what others expect of me. To stop molding myself into the version of “me” that fits society’s script. Because honestly? No one really notices. People move on. They forget. And maybe that's freeing — because it means I’m allowed to make mistakes. To be messy. To live.

There’s a strange grief in watching people drift — friends, even family. But there’s also a beautiful space left behind. A space I’m learning to fill with new adventures, unexpected joys, and curiosity about what’s out there. The world feels wider now. I crave the unknown. I want to discover hobbies I never thought I’d love, people I haven’t met yet, and stories I’ve yet to live.

And maybe that’s what growth really is — the bravery to find peace in the chaos, and to keep your head up high even if the road gets bumpy. Because who knows where life will take us tomorrow? It’s always the unexpected we should pay attention to.

[sheairis13]

Why him?

The question still lingers, Why do you feel magnetized to him? Why his energy, his aura? There’s this strange familiarity — not thrilling, not anxious — but peaceful. No butterflies. No doubts. Just stillness. Just a knowing.

Part of me feels safe whenever he enters the room — like my energy’s been waiting, quietly alert, as if it just knows. At gigs, I don’t even need to look for it him. It’s like a tuning fork inside me vibrates in sync the moment he’s near. There are no words exchanged, but something in me feels seen.

When our eyes meet, there’s no awkwardness. Just peace. And this quiet curiosity: why him? Why am I drawn to this specific energy — not just the drummer role, but something far beyond that? It’s not about fandom. It’s about feeling like I know him. Or maybe… a part of me recognizes him, like I’ve seen reflections of myself in him.

Onstage, my eyes naturally find him. Even when surrounded by lights, sounds, other bandmates — it’s his energy that shines. Not louder, not flashier. Just… present. Grounded. Magnetic. Alive in a quiet way.

That’s why I’ve been questioning this whole pull. Is it just the gig high? The adrenaline, the noise, the chaos? Am I just attracted to the idea of the crowd or the joy or sparks of the music? Or is it really him — something about his essence, something unspoken but deeply understood?

Because here’s the thing: I never planned to show up to these gigs. My body just… goes. With no resistance. No overthinking. Like something inside already decided before I could say yes. And through all the chaos and noise, he's the peace that kept me going.

The spark that reminded me I could be more. Do more. Create again. Letting myself be free and be seen.

I realized, I love who I am when I go to his gigs. The version of me who loves discovering new hobbies, bars, food, takes the train alone, staying up till dawn, talking to strangers and bands. And most of all rediscovering the courage to be alone in unexpected ways. To be free.

I don’t have all the answers. But I know what I feel is real — soft, deep, and steady. It doesn’t need to be boxed in, labeled, or clarified by him right away. Maybe it was never just about him.

Maybe it was about the version of me that came alive in his presence. After all, I’m just a face in the crowd but in those fleeting moments, I felt seen, even if silently.

What I truly needed was to feel something again. And I did. And for now, that’s more than enough.

[sheairis13]

Listing down Hobbies I've always wanting to try out this 2025

Crochet- My aunties taught me the basics since I was little during summer but I never really learned it. So now, I wanted to try it out for real.

Reading a Book

Painting

Illustrations

Hiking

Cooking

Cleaning

Cross Stitch

Learn an instrument

Fitness

[sheairis13]

Finding My Spark Again

Looking back, I realize how much I conquered last year—stepping out of my comfort zone, facing my fear of crowds, and learning to go solo. I used to be so self-conscious, hesitant to approach strangers at gigs, especially in bars where I didn’t drink or smoke. I thought I’d always feel out of place. But I was wrong. The people were welcoming, and somewhere along the way, I found a few friends who made the experience even better. More importantly, I learned to accept myself exactly as I am.

And then there was that moment. The one that changed everything.

I had heard about Victor Guison before, but nothing prepared me for seeing him live on stage with Franco. The moment he started playing, it all made sense—the words people said about him, the hype, the respect. It wasn’t just about technical skill; it was about energy. You could see it in the way he played—how much he loved it, how much he poured into every beat. Whether it was drums or vlogging, he was doing what he loved with everything he had.

For years, I had been fully immersed in the corporate grind, constantly shifting between brands and deadlines, leaving little room to truly enjoy my personal life. But watching him—completely in the moment, treating every gig like it was his last—felt different. It wasn’t just about the music or the drummer scene. It was about the person behind it. The passion, the energy, the way he gave his all—it resonated with me in a way I didn’t expect.

But it wasn’t just about being in awe of a great musician. Something in me wanted to understand the person behind the rhythm. More than a fan admiring from afar, I was drawn to the kind of dedication he had, the fire that made him play the way he did. Maybe because deep inside, I knew that same fire was still in me—waiting to be reignited.

It made me want to create again, to push myself further, to be better—not just as an artist, but as someone who truly lives for what they love.

It’s funny how inspiration finds you in unexpected places. For me, it came through the rhythm of a drummer.

[sheairis13]

Rediscovering Myself

Wow, it’s been a while since I last wrote here. Revisiting my old entries feels like opening a time capsule—one filled with self-doubt, uncertainty, and a restless search for passion. Looking back, I realize how much I struggled with finding myself, feeling lost, and questioning where I belonged. But things have changed, and honestly, for the better.

I’ve grown in ways I never expected. I feel lighter, happier, and genuinely grateful for where I am now. Life isn't perfect, but I’ve learned to embrace the present instead of constantly worrying about the future. And to remind my future self of this journey, I’m listing down the things I’ve been doing since the end of last year—small but significant steps that have shaped me into who I am today.

Gigs

A year ago, my ideal weekend involved staying in—either curled up in bed binge-watching K-dramas, sleeping in, or casually cafe-hopping with friends. But last year, something shifted. I finally pursued something I had been wanting to do for years but never really acted on: going to gigs.

Sure, I had been to a few school and work events before, but this time, it felt different. I wasn’t just attending—I was fully immersing myself in the local rock scene. I finally got to see some of my favorite bands live: Kamikazee, Franco, Chicosci, Tanya Markova, and Faintlight. But beyond that, I found myself discovering indie bands I never would have known otherwise. It became more than just a weekend pastime; it became a space where I could connect with music, people, and a version of myself that I never knew existed.

One of the biggest surprises? Interacting with fellow solo-goers and even some band members. I never thought I’d be comfortable in these spaces, but somehow, I found a sense of belonging. A special highlight? Victor Guison followed me back on Instagram—a small but surreal moment that still makes me smile.

Gigs have become more than just music events for me. They’ve become a reminder that stepping out of my comfort zone leads to unexpected joys.

2. Passion

Art has always been a passion of mine since I was a kid, but this year, I feel like I’ve truly rediscovered it. After years of working in advertising—constantly shifting between brands and client work—I hit a creative burnout. I wasn’t making art for myself anymore, and at some point, it felt like I had lost that spark completely.

Then gigs happened. The energy, the music, the whole experience reignited something in me. I found the drive and motivation to finally create for myself again.

Then it just hit me—why not share it? Instead of just keeping these illustrations to myself, why not give them to the bands as a kind of personal merch during gigs? It felt like the perfect way to merge my love for art and music, and honestly, it’s been so fulfilling to create something purely out of passion—no deadlines, no pressure, just art for the sake of it. I was slowly putting myself out there.

3. Solo

I think one of the hardest things for me before was doing things solo. But this year, I had to teach myself one of the biggest lessons—stop waiting around for everyone. Friends, family, strangers, situationships... I used to hold back, thinking I needed company to do the things I wanted. But at some point, I just went for it. And honestly? It felt good. Really good.

Since I started doing things on my own, I’ve found a sense of peace I didn’t even know I was looking for.

4. Trusting your Instinct

I used to be a people pleaser—always putting others before myself, even when it didn’t feel right. No matter the situation, event, or person, I’d push through, ignoring that uneasy feeling just to keep the peace.

But now? I’ve learned to trust my gut. If something doesn’t sit right with me, I know it’s not for me. And when something feels good—when I’m genuinely happy and at peace—I know I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.

5. Love

I’ve found beauty in waiting—not the restless kind, but the kind that comes with peace. Being grateful for where I am, for what I have, and for who I’m becoming. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything because, right now, I’m fulfilled, content, and happy.

I’m not chasing butterflies or mistaking anxiety for love. When it comes, it’ll feel right—steady, certain, and peaceful. And when love does find me, I know I’ll be ready. But for now, all I want is to keep doing what makes me happy and share that joy and passion with the world..

[sheairis13]

thoughts book slump

We’ve all been there—the dreaded book slump. One day, you're devouring pages like there’s no tomorrow, and the next, you can't even muster up the energy to pick up a book. But realizing it's been months or years since you've mustered up the courage to pick up a book and write on your blog. How exciting it is to open up your old entries on Wordpress and Notions notes seeing how excited you are with books and attending book signing events? I was just a 'Boostagramer' once. I enjoyed taking pictures of my newly fresh books from Fully Booked and National Bookstores way back in College. Even though my classes are super early and ended up late, I never get tired of bringing my book with me everywhere I go. Whether it's lunch break or reading between classes. I just outgrew reading. I'm not that excited with Manila International Book fair or Big Bad Wolf or events anymore. I don't like the same genres the way I loved them way back. It's seems kind of nostalgic in a way but things really changed do they? Without me knowing it's been years already.

Since I've worked in the Advertising Agency, work has been my hobby. Sad isn't it? It's been a challenge lately this past few years. I've spent days and weeks working with brands without me knowing I'm burnout. I don't have any passion and hobbies anymore. That's why I've been wanting to go back to reading and start this blog again. It isn't late right?

[sheairis13]

Violet is so relatable tbh

[sheairis13]

Top 10 TBR List Books

Okay, I'm back to reading! I opened my Kindle again after months of not using it. Here's my list of Books I've been wanting to read in different genres.

Empyrean Series. I'm currently on the Fourth Wing Book 1. I've been rereading the first few chapter in months now cause of reading slump. Hoping to finish it this month.

Poppy Wars series by R.F Kuang- read the book 1 but I haven't read the book 2 and 3 yet.

This Summer Will Be Different

The Priory of the Orange Tree By Samantha Shannon

Bringing Down the Duke by Evie Dunmore

Babel by R.F Kuang

Chains of Gold reread

Jade City by Fonda Lee

When in Rome by Sarah Adams

House of Earth and Blood Crescent City series Sarah J Maas

Hoping to read all of these after this super major reading slump! I'm 12 books behind schedule on goodreads. I need to finish 30 books and I'm still not halfway through it.

[sheairis13]

I'll probably reread the whole series huhu so much memorieess

[sheairis13]

The Creative Tug-of-War: Navigating Creative Burnout

If you had told the younger, artsy version of me that I’d be working as an Art Director at an independent advertising agency in the Philippines, I wouldn’t have believed it. Back in college, I was just that student who obsessed over band fan art, illustrations, and traditional painting. Becoming an Art Director wasn’t even on my radar.

The advertising industry here in PH carries a lot of weight—it’s fast-paced, competitive, and demands a lot. But I’m grateful. I consider myself lucky to have been mentored by some of the best in the business. It’s a craft you have to sharpen daily, a creative muscle that needs constant exercise. It’s not just about the 9-to-5 grind; it’s about always thinking, always pushing the creative boundaries, even after hours.

Still, there are moments when I wish I could time travel back to my college days—back when I was free to experiment with my art, to dive deep into my creative projects without the pressure of deadlines or clients. I miss that raw, unfiltered passion I used to have for painting, the kind that kept me up late into the night, just creating for the sake of it.

Now, it feels different. My art has become work. Every project is tied to a brand, a campaign, or a deadline. And honestly? It’s exhausting. I’ve been feeling burnt out for months, constantly juggling between different brands, initiatives, and competitions. It’s hard to find room for hobbies, for the kind of art I used to love.

So, what’s next? I don’t know. I’m lost right now. But I’m holding onto the hope that somewhere, somehow, I’ll find my way back to the passion that started it all.

[sheairis13]

Just an Update

Hello! Looking back in my tumblr days, both @sheairis13 and @band-obsessed13 those were the peak days of my High School to College life. I've reposted things I have loved before, bands and music I had been obsessed in 2011-2016 and even my art style has grown so much. I always thought I'm that girl who always been stuck in the past and haven't grown so much these past few years but looking back, wow! I really did grew right? The way I write/blog things, even communicate to people. Those celebrities, crushes, music, quotes, books, whom I've been obsessed with has grown so much that I haven't noticed it myself. This blog is the living proof of it. As a sentimental person about it, I'm happy I was able to log back in to the past and see my Tumblr feed. I'm super curious on the things I have posted before and maybe continue this journey and post more this 2024 moving forward! I know less people use Tumblr these days but I'll just post this anyway!

--Shea in 2024

[sheairis13]

alltimelowupdates

[sheairis13]

Midterm plate for Vector Class

[sheairis13]

[sheairis13]

Jennifer Lawrence fan art