shedoesntrememberthebridge

[shedoesntrememberthebridge]

Pre save the bloom book kickstarter!

[shedoesntrememberthebridge]

emily fucking prentiss fucking emily prentiss

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my HOT AND GAY body hurts

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SU: PT 2

Dirty laundry yada yada… I was having a tough two weeks and my friday was awful, my whole day i was pissed off because a team mate who i don’t really like was being a bitch the whole day and her + the one i’m close with were just not on my side that morning, the quiet one of the three was being kind we watched wednesday during our first class peacefully and i just enjoyed the civility. regardless, we had a lunch performance and i fucked up during the performance which was just annoying and my coach pointed it out in between lunches, the girl i was upset with all morning told me to “get my shit together” and that honestly just sent me over the edge, i laid down and started crying silently unable to eat the food i had just gotten, while i was laying down some other teammates asked if i was ok to which i had responded yes and they left me be, my teammates unaware of my mood/state sat around me having their own conversations talking about grades etc just joining the atmosphere but the three problems were outside discussing amongst themselves with our coach. 9 ish of my teammates were chilling around me and then 4 of them left to get something other to eat and by that point i needed a tissue, i had to get up to my dismay and walk to the other side of the room, after this i realized if people knew i was crying i could just hide in the bathroom, so as i grabbed my phone and speed walked my way to the restroom i ended up passing the last three people i wanted to see. so i walked my ass to the bathroom and it was locked to i went to the other ones on the other side of the foyer, and locked as well so i crouched down in the corner and cried. i called my best friend immediately telling her everything, how i was mad the them, how i missed her, how i missed my dad, and how i felt like everyone on my team hated me and she comforted me and told me everything was gonna be ok. by this point i knew my time was running out and that i would have to be back to perform for second lunch but goddamn i milked all the time i had, my close friend on the team had gone into the foyer noticed but ignored me, most likely just to take account of where i was so i wasn’t unaccounted for but she got my other teammates to return to the dance room and a few minutes later she returned to the foyer and came over to check on me. by this point i had to hang up on my best friend and assured her i would call her later. next to me i was being hugged and asked what was wrong so i explained things again with a little less transparency and more tears, seeing the other two issues of my day peaking around the corner. They eventually came over and hugged me while i violently sobbed 🤪 and the first one to come over asked if there was anything she could do and i obviously responded no. so on and so forth, i continued crying until i had to stop and then we returned to the dance room. i grabbed my makeup to touch up my tears and my coach asked if i was ok which i said yes and proceeded to be overwhelmed with tears again but i pulled myself together to perform again. post performance i called ava again and went through the whole explaining process again to my coach which she completely understood and supported how i felt which was not something i knew i needed so bad in that moment. to skip ahead and onto new topics, throughout the year i’ve learned that these status updates are really good for helping me process my emotions and i’ve chosen to start journaling, with this i don’t punish myself ever for not being consistent and it’s been doing wonders for me. so thank you status update, for being here to listen and for giving me the chance to feel seen without being seen. this has helped me a lot. maybe see you soon?

[shedoesntrememberthebridge]

Status Uptade: December 4th, 2022 12:17 pm

Wow, long time no see. Almost a full year later from the last one. Quick breakdown of what’s changed in the past year. I’ve reconnected with my dad and talk to him on a weekly ish basis, I’m still on the dance team but i’m in my final year of high school and the senioritis is incredibly strong, i’ve become less secure with my sexuality and learned a lot about myself in the process, so progress even if it’s negative, i have a new job! i still work at hollister, they forgot i was seasonal but kept me anyways, but now i work at Dutch Bros, and i absolutely love my job as a barista, i plan on quitting my job at hollister after this holiday season due to the competitive dance season starting and my team will be traveling to compete at this massive competition in florida which i’m really excited for. I do need to apply to colleges still but i haven’t had the time. On a sadder note my depression has come in much stronger waves since summer, it started in june because i had lost my grandmother, i’d never lost anyone before and even though i hadn’t seen her in 10 years it hurt to know i’ll never be able to see her again. at the same time my dad was in the hospital on the other side of the world because he tried to be with my yiayiá in her final moments but missed it by an hour and one of the valves from his triple bypass had collapsed. after then my birthday came around and it just sucked, that day i shattered the back of my phone and just dealt with some very negative demons. then school had started a week later and i had to miss my last first day due to a really bad illness. This gained me no sympathy from my teammates and they blamed me for not being there saying my sickness was an ‘excuse’. From there on out it was a pretty downhill slope, my family life just kept getting worse, my best friend graduated from my school the prior spring and life became harder going through all of these problems without her, we ended up going through a really bad rough patch where we didn’t talk for about a month and a half. we were able to repair this thank god. Whilst we weren’t talking i became close with another team mate of mine who had gone through the same event with her best friend so it was just nice to have someone understand. sometimes i regret getting close to her and i love this girl but i say this because she’s got extremely toxic tendencies, it’s become more noticeable over time but she only seems to defend me when im not there to defend myself or there’s something in it for her. although that’s not always true that pretty much what it’s been like recently. it doesn’t help that she’s one of three captains as well, even though she isn’t close with the other two captains and chooses to rant to me. These past two weeks have been the worst of it, this past week was the one year anniversary of a really negative event in her life so it involved a lot of weird anger being taken out on me, to name a specific event me, her, and two others had been talking about photos being shared between all of the team the used the cover of a school project for a third party and i said i wish they had told me the truth so i could’ve provided more photos that weren’t of a professional sense. they immediately started raising their voices saying that i was a loud mouth and would’ve told the team etc… i had to shout over her to say my piece which was “i wish you would’ve told me so i could’ve sent you more stuff privately, i wouldn’t have told the team if you would’ve asked me not to” and i know it’s stupid to ask for something as simple as this but it was one of the bigger piles of dust i had been sweeping under the rug. The other two captain’s genuinely have done nothing but emotionally torn me down which is just adding to the dirty laundry. hold up. pt 2 coming

[shedoesntrememberthebridge]

Status Update: January 9th, 2022 6:25 pm

Wow look at me doing a status update almost 2 weeks after the last one, i’d say that’s pretty damn good. Anyways my dad just called me, after not talking to me since May of 2021 which i honestly didn’t want to answer I wanted to let it ring and I wanted to never have to talk to him again but i answered. He told me he was in town and that he wanted to see my brothers and I, he wanted to have dinner and clear things up. As a reminder this is the man that promised he would pay for me to do dance team and pay for my Invisalign, and then ghosted my younger brothers and i, moved to florida, and only told my sister about it. At the end of the phone call i almost started crying and once i had hung up i broke out into tears, but what upsets me most is that i want to go to dinner with him and talk to him. so i really don’t know what to do so i’m just crying in my room on a sunday night with homework to do and no motivation to do it. have a nice weekend yall, happy new year.

[shedoesntrememberthebridge]

Status Update: December 27th, 2021 2:51 am

Hi. It’s been a while, and I’ve done a lot since the last status update. I’m actually on FaceTime with a few of my friends right now lmao (I’m on mute) but anyways, I turned 16, I got a job, and I’ve completed my first semester of my junior year of high school. In my last update I think I said I made my schools dance team which I’ve has so much fun since joining. We recently did Secret Santa and I’d say I did a pretty good job lmao. Other than that I now have a job at my local Hollister, it’s only seasonal but that’s fine I really don’t mind, I like the people I work with anyways. I decided to write a status update because I had to put this somewhere and I didn’t want to complain to my friends because I talk enough to them and they’re having fun talking to each other. Recently as of this year I’ve pretty much cut off all contact with my dad which I should’ve done sooner because he’s just a douchebag and my parents divorced years ago. The issue with this is that my sister still remains in contact with my dad seeing as when my parents divorced she was 18 and he was going to be paying for her college so she kinda gets the privilege of having that father figure still. Regardless I never really cared because my dad wasn’t really there to begin with but I haven’t talked to him since about May and I haven’t heard his voice since then. Anyways my friends and I were making jokes about our dads because coping 🤪 and I brought up how when my sister was little she used to think my dad was black because he was so dark when he’s actually just a really dark greek guy, and this reminded me that I had kinda forgotten what he looked like so I went to my sisters instagram to look at some pictures because why not. For context in summer of 2019 my brothers, my sister, and I were all supposed to go to Greece to see my family with my dad, my sister ended up cutting us out of the trip and going with my dad, leaving my brothers and I back in the states. Continuing on, my sister has a highlight on her instagram account of her trip to Greece from 2019. As I was looking through the highlight there was a video and it had a small itty bitty clip of my dad talking in it. This was the first time I had heard my dad’s voice since he had cut off contact with me in May, and I hate the fact that it brought me to tears. I am absolutely furious that my own father who has abandoned me still brings me to tears just by the sound of his voice. I’m furious my father chooses to parent one child and that he sent a Christmas card with no return address that said “I Love You, Miss You -Dad” I’m furious not because I only have one parent but that because there was nothing I did that made him leave, it was his own choice, it wasn’t me, it wasn’t my brothers, it was himself. IM FURIOUS BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IM SCREAMING INTO THE VOID and there’s no one there that could possibly understand just how much I hate that I miss him.

[shedoesntrememberthebridge]

Status Update: July 26th, 2021 3:37 pm

Hey guys!! it’s been a bit but i’m actually doing pretty great. Last status update was a bit of a heavy topic but today’s is gonna be pretty light and stuff like that. I didn’t mention it yet on here but i made my high school’s dance team! we had practice today and we ran just about a mile in like 90F heat which sucked but after made me feel pretty good ngl, i ate breakfast at around 7 am - 7:30 am ish and i haven’t eaten since but genuinely i’m not hungry right about now. I turn 16 in 3 days, speaking of i’ve had this account since i was about 12 or 13 and the fact that i turn 16 so soon straight up scares me. My life in the best way possible had been consumed by dance and my bestfriend but i am not complaining one bit and i love every second of it. My main friend group and i are slowly drifting apart but once we’re all back in school i think we’ll be just fine. My first performance with dance team is in about 3 weeks and i’m so scared but i’m really excited, so far being on team alone has gotten me to learn new tricks and become a better dancer. But back to tumblr things i posted a status update a year ago today at 6:10 am and since then i’ve gotten an amazing bestfriend that i talk to everyday, i’ve made a whole new teams worth of friends, i’ve done a whole year of online schooling and i’m entering my junior year of highschool. Since then i’ve applied for my first job, and had my first job interview, ive also started to learn to drive and my permit test is in september. I remember posting two years ago that i was just starting highschool and now i’m already halfway done, regardless i love tumblr so i’ll probably be back again with another status update sometime soon! Stay safe sweets! -Nikkie

[shedoesntrememberthebridge]

my brain for the past 5 weeks:

wandavision

wa-

wandavision,

wandavision

wa-

wandavision

DOOOO DOO DOO DOOOO DOO DO

✨WANDAVISION✨

and that concludes today’s post.

[shedoesntrememberthebridge]

Status Update: March 19th, 2021, 4:05 pm

So it’s been a hot minute but hello tumblr, although I know you don’t care I just love saying the random hello. It’s been a whole year in quarantine and honestly i’ve changed a lot as a person both in good and bad ways. I’ve cut out a lot of bad people in my life and made a lot of new much better friends that I love dearly and i’ve become even closer to the ones I have now. It’s technically official! I will be returning to in-person learning at my high school on April 6th, 2021 with the most insane schedule i’ve ever had in my entire life. Honestly i’m just happy that I have the chance to go back and see my teachers again even if i’m only there for half the day and I’m wearing a mask the whole time.

Now on a much different, much sadder note, I know many people have heard, and if you haven’t, well you’re hearing this now. Sarah Everard was kidnapped and murdered walking home at night in the UK. She had taken every precaution necessary as a woman and what makes this even sadder to talk about is the fact that she was taken by a member of the police force, Wayne Couzens. Wayne Couzens was identified and he has now been arrested by the Metropolitan Police. Sarah Everard was wearing a bright green rain coat, patterned jeans, bright green and red running shoes, a beanie, and a facemask. She had been on the phone with her significant other at the time of her kidnapping, and had tried to protect herself by scratching the man who had kidnapped her. There is a memorial for her with posters, signs, and hundreds upon hundreds of flowers at a bandstand in Clapman Common in South London. She was kidnapped on her way home from a friends house, and her remains had appeared 9 days later 60 miles away from the original kidnapping site. She was a sister, a daughter, and a girlfriend, but most importantly, she was a person. Just like you and me she is a person who loved and breathed and she thought she was going to be ok. My heart goes out to those whom have been affected by her death, whether personally having know her or having been emotionally affected by the situation. No woman, no man, no person should have to fear for their life just trying to walk home. 97% can grow, but it can also decrease.

I leave you with my heart in my hands ready to give love. Stay safe babes.

[shedoesntrememberthebridge]

girls who are in love with girls? *french kiss* that’s art

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today in history: paget brewster makes Jemily official!

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Rosemary? You mean spicy pine needles?

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Status update: December 24th, 2020 1:24 am

Merry christmas to the hell that is 2020, oh how i’ve hated you so! my last status update was on the first day of school and now having finished a whole semester of online learning I miss being in person, this shit is so fucking hard and i hate it a lot, so i beg you stay home wear your masks. I miss seeing my friends and doing photo shoots but i can do those with restricitons.

merry christmas ya fucks

goodnight

i’m gonna go watch criminal minds

[shedoesntrememberthebridge]

Sweeties~

(slightly higher res, but non animated)

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percy jackson side of tumblr i present to you my photography assignment

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i start sophomore year in 5 hours

i have to be awake in 3

i cant sleep

send a prayer please

a cry for help from: yours truly❤️✨

August 24th 2020, 2:18 am