sheepinthesnow

[sheepinthesnow]

so real

[sheepinthesnow]

Everyday I thank the heavens above that I am given the option to try - and the security to fall back into something when things go awry.

Daily musings - March 9, 2023.

[sheepinthesnow]

They remind me of you, too.

Thank you for reminding me of beautiful things

I’ve seen a thousand fireflies last night and it reminded me of you - It was really dark last night but those cute little butts helped me make my way back to our house.

You know me - I like to have the full experience, so of course I left my phone and my flashlight behind. That decision bit me in the back. 

Good thing those little things kept me company. 

I also saw a little flower on the side of the road during one of my early morning walks. 

If not for that dog wiggling its butt that caught my eye, I probably wouldn’t have seen it.

But it’s a little pink carnation flower I believe 

I would recognize that thing with my eyes closed. Remember when we would make paper versions of them in grade school? 

You put it on one of those gazillion bobby pins you had scattered around the classroom.

You said it would be the best business idea ever

I don’t know, I think you’re crazy for believing that but I thought you would have succeeded anyway. Thanks for showing me passion when you would relentlessly talk about it during homeroom. 

By the way, I was on my way to pick up my laundry when I decided to stop by a crafts store.

I saw the most glittery, sparkly pen you can imagine

It smelled like candy too! It reminded me of you 🥰

Oh, by the way! I was reading this beautiful book - i think I underlined almost all of the passages. I wanted to share them with you. It reminded me of your humility and modesty. 

It makes me think of those things you said you’d always wanted to write, but are too ‘uninspired’ to do so. I don’t know - I think I can write instead since you always leave me feeling inspired, anyway. 

Okay that was too cheesy, but whatever - let me have it. I mean that. 

Oh, and by the way I’m getting into watching stand-up comedians now. Did you know there’s a lot on Netflix? I can’t believe how I’ve been sleeping on them this whole time. They’re so funny, and raw and just overall so interesting. To laugh about life’s woes, I believe, is a good way to live. 

They remind me of you too. 

[sheepinthesnow]

Been so caught up in the two-time magic

Not realizing it was all in my head, waking everyday hoping to get a text

Or some sort of affirmation it was something else

Anticipating for weeks what will be your next move, will there really be a next?

Til so much time has passed, and nothing, I wouldn't hear from you unless I initiate it.

Countless days I've played the memory again and again

Counting down the days when I would see you again

Everyday I make excuses: "Oh he'll message me, he must be swamped"

The enough time passes that I realize maybe it wasn't at all that.

From the start I knew what I was entering

But somehow I'm still pulled in

What was it about you that was so mesmerizing and I couldn't let go?

Was it the way your touch felt when you hugged me endlessly on the bed?

Your captivating perfume scent?

Or your boyish look at kept me upswept?

Was it the way your lips brushed against mine in the heat of the moment?

Or was it the way you held my hand driving home?

Was it the way you let me kiss your face endlessly and act like a little puppy when I was a little drunk?

[sheepinthesnow]

and did the push and pull have you wanting more?

not having what you want, not getting things upfront

do you dream of what you can't have and do you desire the girl next door?

Remember the first time you met, in line on the very first floor

You got introduced by your other friends who from the past two years she's just known through computer screens

it was the first time they met, just like the two of you but somehow you got swept

up, up and until you can no longer forget

how she looks, the way she smiled, the first time you've seen her face

you don't understand but it's something else and instantly you develop a crush

she adds you on social media, you go down the rabbit hole of her profiles and look where you are?

you're on her linkedin page, you lovesick little puppy

you just want to know more and more and before you know it, you just fall deeper and deeper

and there's something there that you can't put your finger on anymore

it was just that one time right? and now you can't stop thinking about her

[sheepinthesnow]

“To love and lose and still be kind.”

— Warsan Shire

[sheepinthesnow]

Writing is a lonely journey

When I realize, writing is a lonely journey

Being stuck in your own head, trying to put into words how you've felt

Revisiting old scars, staring at your unmade bed

A testament of how you've been, how are you are - you look at yourself through these lens

Because what is writing but putting into words these universal experiences

Even those experiences that you keep buried alive, because how else do you survive?

You try to channel them, these inner demons, these unkind friends

Friends that you keep by your side because they make you feel human

Because what else is being human than being constantly and tirelessly haunted?

So you let the creativity flow, you let it present itself

You try to see it for what it is, rather than for what it is in your head

Looking in from the outside, like a visitor who hasn't visited

For quite some time, to avoid living too much in your head

But you realize it's vital, all these things, they're needed

No matter how lonely, how alone you felt

Because this is what shaped you, all these experiences

And now you're reliving them; becoming your own self-made poet

You realize, there's power in the hurt, there's strength in the scars, and there's a tinge of hope in the hopelessness

Because now you're here, you've lived through it all

And healed enough to see it for what it was, and what it is

I'm proud of you

[sheepinthesnow]

The more you celebrate your life, the more you'll live a life worth celebrating.

[sheepinthesnow]

→ dialogue prompts #3

sleep edition </3

“i had a nightmare.” / “i know, i was holding you.”

“want me to sing you a lullaby?” / “you’re terrible at singing.” / “even better, you’ll be knocked out cold because of the terror in no time.”

“it’s that coffee, wasn’t it?” / “the barista was super cute, i had to order at least two iced americanos with extra shots.” / “yeah, but now you’re driving me insane. just stay quiet and don’t jump on the walls.”

“it’s okay, we can watch a movie together if you want to. i can’t be letting you stay up all alone, can i?”

“scoot over.” / “what?” / “i’m going to share some melatonin with you.” / “i’m pretty sure cuddling doesn’t do that, but if you insist—”

“tell me a story.” / “of what?” / “i don’t know, i just want to listen to your voice.”

“you can’t be pulling two consecutive all nighters.” / “are you my mom?” / “no, i’m your very annoying roommate who is going to be strapping you down to your bed so that you don’t move.” / “… interesting word choices.”

“i don’t think we can getting any sleep tonight.” / “says you. i am quite sleepy.”

“what are you doing with that bottle?” / “spraying holy water on you, because i think a demon might have slipped in you.” / “do i look possessed to you?” / “no, but with the way your snores were shaking the ground, i wouldn’t be surprised.”

“hi, i have arrived.” / “go back, we are not sleeping together tonight.” / “why not?” / “last time i almost broke my back because you pushed me out of my own damn bed.”

“sweet dreams.” / “what if i want to have spicy ones?”

“can you leave the nightlamp on?” / “i didn’t know you were afraid of the dark.” / “i know, it’s pathetic.” / “quite on the contrary, it makes you seem even more adorable in my eyes.”

“why are we doing this again?” / “because i am cold, the heater is broken, and we literally only have one bed.”

[sheepinthesnow]

Taylor Swift lyrics as dialogue writing prompts:

"I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you."

"I won't ask you to wait if you don't ask me to stay."

"This dorm was once a madhouse." "Well, it's made for me."

"She's not what you think. She's an actress."

"I knew everything when I was young."

"The worst thing that I ever did was what I did to you."

"All this time, I didn't know you were breaking down."

"I was never good at telling jokes, but the punch line goes..."

"It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you."

"Make sure nobody sees you leave."

"If it's all in my head, tell me now. Tell me I've got it wrong somehow."

"I've been meaning to tell you, I think your house is haunted."

"You know damn well, for you I would ruin myself."

"Don't pretend it's such a mystery. Think about the place where you first met me."

"Dancing is a dangerous game."

"Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds?"

"I've got a long list of ex-lovers. They'll tell you I'm insane."

"You're so cool, it makes me hate you so much."

"I'll do anything you say if you say it with your hands."

"I think he did it but I just can't prove it."

"I've loved you three summers now, but I want them all."

"It's the goddamn fight of my life and you started it."

[sheepinthesnow]

“It’s life that matters, nothing but life – the process of discovering, the everlasting and perpetual process, not the discovery itself, at all.”

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Idiot

[sheepinthesnow]

“You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.”

— Wayne Dyer

[sheepinthesnow]

“For what it’s worth: It’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, i hope you have the strength to start over.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

[sheepinthesnow]

how to stay motivated as a writer

Reread your old writing, especially those scenes you're most proud of

Write something silly. It doesn’t need to be logical, consistent or included in your story. Write something dumb

Compare your old writing to your new writing. Seeing how much you've improved can be very motivating

Explore different storylines, those type of storylines that would never make it into your story, but you'd still like to play around with

Choose one of your least favorite scenes and rewrite it

Read old comments from people praising your work

Create a playlist that reminds you of your wip

Draw your ocs

Don't push yourself to get back into writing the thing that made you stop writing in the first place. Write something else

Write what you wanna write, no matter how cliché it might be. It doesn't matter, if you want to write it, write it

Take a break, focus on another hobby of yours. Consume other pieces of media, take a walk to clear your head

You don't have to write in chronological order from the very beginning if it isn't working for you! Sometimes a scene you aren't interested in writing can become interesting after you've explored other scenes that is connected to that one

Read one star reviews of ''awful'' books. You'll unlock a new sort of appreciation for your own writing

Create a new storyline, or a new character! Anything that helps bring something fresh into your story. Could even be a completely new wip!

Not writing everyday doesn't make you a bad writer. Take a break if you feel like you need one

Remind yourself to have fun. Start writing and don't focus all your attention on following ''the rules.'' You can get into the nitty-gritty when you’ve familiarized yourself with writing as an art. Or don’t. It's fiction, you make your own rules

Go to sleep, or take a nap. Sleep deprivation and writing does not go hand in hand (trust me)

Listen to music that reminds you of your characters/wip

Remember why you started. Know that you deserve to tell the story you want to tell regardless of the skill you possess

[sheepinthesnow]

[sheepinthesnow]

finding balance

stuck in the middle-ground

balancing between two very different viewpoints

mediating between two heart-achingly overwhelming people in argument

careful not to put too much weight on one side

as to ensure the other does not feel ganged up on

what do you do when you have to be this person?

at 14, just trying to be a child

trying not to get entangled in this numbing chaos

a mess that you never asked to be a part of

but is just there simply because you were born into it

but thankfully, somehow along the way, it gets a bit easier

when they realize they've been difficult

so they stop

they stop fighting

and start looking the other way

and that seemed more peaceful and better for everyone

until 10 years later when you're older, wiser and needed more than ever

now that they're 50 and more and more needy

you think, in retrospect that was not better

so now you find yourself back in the situation

only, now you're not alone

now you got your little brother

asking you the same thing you don't know the answer to

does that make it easier? maybe. i don't know.

does it feel harder? yes, i think i can say so

but it also leaves you a fully-rounded sister, daughter, friend...but most importantly, person

but what do you do when you're trying to navigate it yourself? -- Life - this entire mess of a situation that more often questions you more than it answers

when you're stuck in a seemingly never-ending, never-easy position

when you find yourself shedding tears with every little trigger

...even more so than ever

when you're at work, writing emails your mind takes you elsewhere

digging through problems you thought you locked up in a box forever

like Pandora finding the key, cursing mankind for eternity

now you're therapizing yourself in front of your bathroom mirror

counting 5 things you can see, touch, feel, and smell

finding the root cause of your worries and your hopelessness

then you try to fix it, and you try to aid it, and you try to parent yourself

because if you don't, you will come crumbling down

and you will collapse, combust and break into pieces, turning into someone even you don't recognize

and how do you go on when you don't even know who you are?

[sheepinthesnow]

What to do when you don't know where to go.

What do you do when you don't know where to go?

Frankly, I don't know either. That's why I'm writing to you.

Everyday we are fed by social media with a collection of posts we selected ourselves both intentionally and unintentionally; intentionally through the "friends" we add/follow on social media, or unintentionally with the help of social media algorithm - suggesting to us related content based off of the content we often look at everyday - craftily and masterfully collated in one gigantic dashboard.

Just like clockwork, we are bombarded by various information with consume everyday. And most oftentimes we feel compelled to live our lives the way other people live theirs. We tend to compare, and when our lives don't measure up to other people's as we see it, we feel like a failure. Just like a dog who's been reprimanded, we bow our heads and turn away. Slowly our self-confidence crumbles away and we are left to wonder - am I good enough?

This goes on everyday and we don't even realize it. Until eventually at 4 pm on an idle Tuesday, we are blindsided by the loneliness that consumes us... slowly and then all at once. And we don't know what it is and what came over us. Every little thing ticks us off and everything is wrong. We don't know what is next and we are eaten up by the fear of wasting our life. What a terrible feeling...