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Going to another apartment tour during lunch break and from the pictures I thi k this might be the one..... But we'll see

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Appointment with new doctor in 7 days!!!!!

Mostly to go over medical history but I'm hoping I can get the ball rolling on hrt

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Everytime I feel stupid I just picture myself having a rock lee training weights moment if I start treating my sleep apnea and stop smoking weed and start taking my ADHD meds more consistently etc.

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Finally reached out to my new dr to book my first appointment.... Going to get my ADHD meds renewed (I hope to god I don't need to be evaluated for a 4th time JFC), ask about an endo referral to start hrt

And I'm going to ask for a new sleep study so I can qualify for a CPAP again now that I can get it covered by my healthcare plan thru work... Prob should not have gone ten years without a CPAP but it is what it is, hopefully my sleep apnea is still mild....

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These r some recent tattoos my friend déa has done and I really want to commission him to give me an arahana tattoo around this size, not sure about placement...

When I think about dying I get really distressed about my OCs dying with me and I want to do something to keep at least one of alynn's OCs alive in some small way + to have something to look at when I'm missing him

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Another apartment tour on Friday..... 50$ cheaper and 5 minute closer to work, two blocks closer to grocery store.....

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Spent 2h last night making a budget for the apartment and the move and immigration costs then immediately spent 1.5h going over the budget with Rachel and then couldn't calm down enough to fall asleep until 3am

got to work a full hour late and my head feels so heavy like my neck is going to snap in half

I'm fully at capacity 🙅🏼 can't handle one more thing rn

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I'm going to be so obnoxious when I have my own apartment and doubly so once Rachel moves in 💚

Genuinely thought I'd be dead at 15 for most of my youth so it's crazy I'm about to turn 30 in December and finally going to have a permanent-ish place of my own after moving 4 times in 2020-2023

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Finally found the volume of the statutes of Canada that I "lost" the afternoon I found out Alynn had died

I hadn't lost it, I had reshelved it and not updated the excel spreadsheet for the project I had pulled it for lmao

Thos whole time it was on the shelf, exactly where it should be, and I had been tearing up my cubicle and searching thru all the damaged copies in storage looking for it

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I need to start writing again so I don't lose it

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In my head I haven't seen Rachel since pre-covid but that's not true she was here for like a month and a half in 2023 (which was 15 years ago)

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I am worried about living alone in the time between moving out from my parents house and Rachel moving in bc I know isolation is very very bad for my mental health

And my parents are suggesting that I like have a friend over every night of the week and I don't have it in me to host and be social 5-7 days a week 😭 I just need like someone around so if I'm feeling down I can like ask to sit next to them while they watch tv so I don't chew my arms off alone in my room

And also hugs I need hugs and just like proximity to another living being even a cat or something

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Also Saturday l was supposed to go to a French Canadian music festival with my friend but the train was down so instead we just drank cider smoked weed and ate chips in the field behind my parents house and it was lovely

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Today was extremely overwhelming even tho it was mostly positive

I found like the best apartment I can probably get in this city and will be putting in an application soon after I go over budget stuff with my mom tomorrow to make sure it all works with the utilities etc

My parents offerer to give me $500/mo for 2 years or until Rachel gets a job in Canada (whichever comes first) BC it's just not possible to afford an apartment on one income here rn and the prices are just going to keep climbing faster than my income increases

I got to see my cat Maddie for the first time in two years and see my deceased cat Del's urn for first time in years too since I was kicked out of the condo I was renting with my siblings so Sam's fiancé could move into my room

And Sam and I were able to talk for the first time in 3 years (they gave me silent treatment for the last like 9 months of living together 🫩) without getting a panic attack and without them ignoring me talking to them or responding rudely when I try to participate in conversations

So a lot of big wins today!

But I am so fucking exhausted

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Started watching love is blind again to remind myself life could be worse

I could be a straight person making life ruining decisions on a reality dating show

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Like genuinely all AI art does not look the same and ppl who say that are only familiar with the most low effort chatgpt/Bing image slop

"All AI art looks the same" Skill issue.

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"All AI art looks the same" Skill issue.