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"Surely there was a better way to convey this information" probably! That may be why I'm no longer asked to contribute to our social media page at work!

But its that season again and i want to remind everyone that just because an object is vest-shaped and floats does not make it a lifejacket. Only a Coast Guard approved PFD is tested and rated to save your life. Here's an example of what I'm talking about:

This...thing pops up in searches for "child's inflatable lifejacket" and bills itself as such. But scroll down and we find an explanation:

In contrast to life vests meant to keep your head above water, our vest enables you to swim smoothly with your head in the water. It keeps you buoyant longer for a safe and enjoyable experience - without worry of surprise riptides or fatigue.

Catch that? This thing is not intended to and will not keep your head above water, the single most important thing a personal flotation device should do. What if you are in a riptide and fatigued while wearing this thing and not longer able to keep your breathing hole above the water's surface? You're shit out of luck. You drown.

Consumers may notice that there is a warning notice on the back, but the good people at Amazon have cleverly obscured it. We can still make out "does not protect [...] drowning". If your waterwings, floaties, or vest-shaped inflatable have a disclaimer like this then they are not rated to safe your life, your child's life, your dog's life, whatever!

By contrast, every Coast Guard approved PFD has labeling like this:

It will clearly say USGC approved and have an approval number. It will say WHO it is rated for (infant, child, youth, adult), the size (small, medium large), an upper weight limit, and generally what kind of recreation its approved for (near shore versus offshore etc). It will give you instructions for proper use and signs that your lifejacket is nearing the end of its utility and needs to be replaced.

Not all personal flotation devices are suited for all activities. Whitewater kayaking and deep-sea fishing need more specialized gear than a day at the lake. But you should have, at minimum, a correctly-sized, well-fitting, CG approved PFD in serviceable condition for any kind of activity on or near the water. Have it, but most importantly, wear it!!!!!

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was malgendered when used label man (was 4 yo didn't know abt nonbinary) by family. when said prefer to be boy was bullied by whole family in a way "if you're boy then you have to do [lots of uncomfortable things] / behave [way that can't behave because autism] / etc." still was ready to do these things to be gendered more properly but gave up because of their disappointment and hate. didn't wanna disappoint them. didn't wanna make them sad. wanted they love me. so said don't wanna be boy. but still wanted.

I wish there were more posts on malgendering sharing many different trans experiences. I think every trans person (and likely other LGBTQIA+ and GNC folk) have experiences with it and it’s so insidious.

So. This is going to be an open post for LGBTQIA+ folk, particularly trans and intersex folk, to talk about your experiences with malgendering.

Malgendering is when you’re gendered correctly, but that gendering is treated negatively or used to justify bad treatment. It could include a wide range of behaviors, from trying to silence trans people who discuss their experiences from before coming out to being passive aggressive about gendering someone correctly to using a trans person’s gender so justify violence.

Do you have any experiences with Malgendering that you’d like to share? Aspects of it that you want others to understand? Would you prefer being misgendered or malgendered? This is a post to share your experiences and thoughts! (While respecting others.)

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Thinking of this post again in terms of how wildly people just cannot understand intersectionality and like. Im boggled every time I get a notif and peek and see More People have come along to say "how can a cis woman have privilege??? Cis women are not privileged" which like. You're totally right. Cis women aren't privileged, they have privilege, which is the privilege of being cisgender. No one IS privileged in terms of their identity, because identities have more layers than just "is privileged" "is oppressed". A trans woman can still have white privilege. An intersex person can still have able-bodied privilege. This should be baby steps here but apparently we need to go back because people can't fathom that a group that they see "as privileged" (men) might also experience oppression (being trans, a MOC, disabled, intersex, Jewish, a million different things that could intersect here)

I think it's a huge huge issue that people use privilege as a weapon to beat people with in leftist spaces to the point of abandoning reason. To wrap this around to the thing Im always talking about; Trans men don't have Cis male privilege because we are not cis. You cannot slot any and all men into "privileged" if you believe in the existence of intersectionality.

And using this perceived privilege to power jacket trans men and beat us into silence is the exact same thing terfs do to trans women constantly. You are perpetuating this violence with a borrowed weapon. This is not new. "You're a dangerous man exerting your privilege to invade women's spaces, you're not oppressed, you're pretending to be so you can speak over the real victims here." is rhetoric that should not be coming out of the mouth of any trans person with an iota of understanding of where this sentiment stemmed from.

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🚨 This is a vetted and legit GoFundMe 🚨

Hello,

I am Tamer Al-Deeb, a Palestinian dentist from Gaza.

[Picture of Tamer before the war in his clinic]

I have hesitated and delayed for a long time to write these words and create an account on GoFundMe, but the need has become very urgent due to what I see of death approaching myself and my family.

To begin our story, it is important to introduce my family, who are the core of my existence and the source of my strength during these turbulent times:

We are a family of four suffering for over 9 months from a brutal war that spares neither humans nor stones.

Mother: The Heart of Our Home

My mother embodies generosity and kindness as a devoted homemaker, always prioritizing her family's well-being. Her unwavering love remains our sanctuary amidst the chaos.

Father: The Pillar of Strength

My father, Majed, a dedicated professor, faced the destruction of the university he served. Despite this, his commitment to education and society remains unshaken.

Brother: A Beacon of Healing

My brother, Mohammad, a compassionate doctor, confronts the challenges of healthcare amidst dwindling supplies and occupation brutality, showcasing remarkable dedication to healing.

Tamer: A Dream Deferred

As for myself, Tamer, I was on the verge of a new beginning, with aspirations to further my career in Germany. I had saved thousands of dollars for the mandatory block account to support my stay abroad. However, the conflict has not only shattered my professional dreams but also consumed what didn't burn of my savings, compelling me to fight for my family's survival amidst the escalating costs of basic human necessities.

[Picture of the family before the war]

I have lost the lives of my dearest friends, neighbors, and much of what I loved.

We have lost our home with all its dreams and memories. A five-floor house completely leveled to the ground!!

[Pictures of the destroyed house]

I lost my clinic, my only source of livelihood.

[picture of the clinic]

My neighborhood .

[picture of the destroyed neighborhood]

Since the beginning of the war, we were forced to flee our home in the north of the Gaza Strip to the supposed safe area in the south. But unfortunately, this was just the beginning. We have been displaced four times in the same southern area, fleeing from death always surrounding us.

Initially, we fled to a school belonging to the UNRWA in the Nuseirat camp until we were forced to move to another area, and the Maghazi camp was the intended destination. Then a UNRWA school, where we were residing in a tent inside, was targeted, killing 7 civilians. We were forced to flee again to a tent in Rafah, but the scarcity of clean water and the spread of epidemics and diseases forced us to flee again to a UNRWA school in the Deir Al-Balah area until now.

UNRWA has been providing refuge to hundreds of displaced families for the past six months at schools that have become vital community hubs, offering shelter to thousands of individuals trapped in the southern region.

Women and children sleep inside classrooms, and the men sleep outside in tents set up in the courtyard. Rainstorms recently have flooded our tents, and it's very difficult to take care of our basic needs.

[Pictures of Tamer after the war in the UNRWA school and his tent]

I am currently volunteering at Al-Aqsa Hospital, assisting in the maxillofacial surgery department. However, a sense of helplessness and despair often overwhelms me. It's hard to put into words the horrors and injuries I witness daily. Surrounded by the shroud of death and the cries of the wounded, I feel powerless. "I want to save you, I want you to live," I often think, "I will do everything in my power to make it happen!" Sadly, many times, they become part of the countless casualties from my homeland. The shortages in food, water, and medical supplies are dire, to the extent that we sometimes perform surgeries without anesthesia. The suffering is unimaginable.

Now we hope to escape death, we hope for the end of the war, we hope to leave the Gaza Strip, and we hope to live a decent life away from bombing, occupation, and destruction.

It has been 9 months of hell and horror. This genocide has been too long to bear, and our mental health and lives are in constant danger. (I can’t describe enough what I have been dealing with daily in the hospitals for the past days. We have reached a point where there is no hope left for us here in Gaza, where we are unfortunately just waiting for our turn to die, and even if there is a ceasefire, the destruction in Gaza is beyond prompt repair

Evacuation fees are expensive, especially now that I have no source of income. Once we can evacuate, your donations will cover our travel expenses and help us get immediate support in Egypt. There will be meal expenses, wardrobe expenses, emergency expenses, etc., but no generous contribution will go to waste.

To cross the “Rafah” Gaza-Egypt Borders, you need to have your name listed in the Crossing List (paid permit), and coordinators in Egypt who have the power to add my family’s names to the list at the border are now asking for anywhere from $6-8,000 per PERSON! They will not add the names until we can prove we have the money ready.

I ask for your help because this is not just my battle alone, but a battle in which we seek your helping hand to survive and preserve our families. Any donation, big or small, will have a huge impact on the lives of my family and me. I am grateful to everyone who donates, and I will remain grateful forever for giving hope and opportunity to me and my family to survive and build a better future.

Thank you for reading my story. For sharing my story with your friends and family. I hope, there is a ceasefire, and we can get the rest and safety we deserve to build our lives all over again. ❤️

Tamer Al-Deeb

Our campaign is vetted by :

- @ibtisams 🫶🇵🇸 : Click here

- @90-ghost 🫶🇵🇸 : Click here

- @el-shab-hussein 🫶🇵🇸 : Click here

- @fairuzfan 🫶🇵🇸 : Click here

- @palestinegenocide 🫶🇵🇸 : Click here

- @sar-soor 🫶🇵🇸 : Click here

- @vakarians-babe 🫶🇵🇸 : Click here

- @el-shab-hussein 🫶🇵🇸& @nabulsi 🫶🇵🇸 on Vetted Gaza Fundraiser List Number [ 191 ] : Click here

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disclaimer: this post isn't targeted to anyone specific. this post isn't to blame anyone. especially isn't to blame anyone personally. described problems are social problems and responsibility on them shouldn't and can't be put on someone's specific shoulders.

[pt: disclaimer: this post isn't targeted to anyone specific. this post isn't to blame anyone. especially isn't to blame anyone personally. described problems are social problems and responsibility on them shouldn't and can't be put on someone's specific shoulders.]

there's some idea that society is normal abt anxiety but society isn't actually normal abt anxiety.

anxiety is often ignored / diminished, not seen as neurodivergency or as "neurodivergency enough." there is some idea that anxiety is often properly accommodated but it isn't.

benzos are anxiolitics in the first place and they are heavily stigmatized. as well as lots of other anxiolitics. they aren't seen as necessary medication. they aren't seen as life-saving medication. they seen as "evil drugs," they seen as weakness, they seen shitty ok?

yes anxiety is one of neurodivergencies that get advocated for some time ago. yes anxiety isn't often demonized. yes anxiety may be easier to understand because most of people sometimes feel anxiety. but it turns trap too. anxiety isn't seen as something serious. anxiety is extremely misunderstood and trivialized. anxiety is softened and uwuified and it's not okay.

anxiety isn't seen as something that can and often is disabling. anxiety that doesn't fit in softened and uwuified stereotypes is judged or demonized as well (some "creepy" behavior is anxious behavior. anxiety may cause fight response. anxiety may cause problems with control towards closed ones. etc.)

also lots of world practices are anxiety unfriendly. guilt tripping, aggressive speech in activism spaces, reblog baiting, shaming, sending hate, "we vs they" rhetoric, etc. it all is part of internet culture and it all is anxiety unfriendly. (yes it may be also ocd unfriendly, psychosis unfriendly, ptsd unfriendly, etc. but it is still anxiety unfriendly and a lot of other neurodivergencies includes anxiety as their part).

anxiety isn't something "easy." anxiety is (at least may be and is for lots of people) actually disabling. anxiety may be heavy. anxiety may need lots of accommodations to live with. anxiety may be unbearable. anxiety may prevent people from doing almost everything, including "basic" things like communication, self-care, chores, work, etc.

anxiety is real neurodiversity. is real disability for lots of people. is real challenge.

it's not something uwu. it's not something easy to overcome. it's not something that can't "actually" hurt and harm you.

and anxiety deserve attention and deserve proper accommodation. including creation of less hostile environment. including destigmatizing anxiolitics (yes benzos too). including learning actual experiences from anxious people and not their trivialized versions. including recognizing "not nice" appearances of anxiety. including marking anxiety-inducing content. including living guilt tripping rhetoric in the past.

yes it hard. yes it's a lot. because anxiety is actual disability and disability advocacy is hard. disability acceptance is hard. work with anxiety isn't done yet. it may seem so, but it's not.

again, it's not someone personal blame. it's not your personal blame. world is actually hostile. it's work for community, for all communities. to fight ableism. to learn better. to find more inclusive ways of doing things.

it's responsibility for society as a whole, not someone's personally. but everyone may take part in it.

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reblog if you support:

• pre- or non-hrt trans people

• genderfluid/non-binary people who want hrt

• genderfluid/non-binary people who don't want hrt

• pre- or non-op trans people

• tall transfems

• short transmascs

• fat/plus size trans people

• fem trans men

• masc trans women

• transmascs who don't/can't/won't bind

• transfems who don't/can't/won't tuck

• transfems with wide shoulders

• transmascs with wide hips

• genderfluid/non-binary people with facial hair or tits

• genderfluid people whose presentation is static but their gender is not

• non-binary people whose desired presentation is how society says their agab should present

• transmascs who bind but still have a visible chest

• non- conventionally-attractive trans people

• non-conforming trans people

• non-"passing" trans people

• non-stereotypical trans people

We don't all fit into cisnormative society's bullshit stereotypes!

I'm trying to prove a point to some transphobic relatives. Back me up tumblr.

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people are absolutely EVIL about the boundaries of “picky eaters”. no, they do not have to try it. yes, they can know they don’t like it without having eaten it before. no, they probably have not suddenly grown a taste for the food they’ve said they hate. no, they probably are not going to like it in the Special Way This One Place Cooks It. yes, you are being a bad friend if you try to “trick” them into eating it anyway

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periodic reminder that it costs zero dollars and zero cents to not use the words psychotic, psycho, schizophrenic, schizo, insane, or delusional to mean derogatory things

no, that alt right person is not “psychotic” for being racist and having racist beliefs. you can be racist without having psychosis. it’s not mental illness causing these beliefs, it’s just hatred and bigotry.

no, that person advocating to repeal the medical rights of trans people is not “delusional/deluded”. you can be transphobic without experiencing delusions. it’s not a mental illness that causes these beliefs, it’s just hatred and bigotry.

no, that person supporting israel is not “insane” for justifying and supporting genocide. you can support genocide without having a severe mental illness. it’s not mental illness that causes these beliefs, it’s cruelty and hatred.

just find a different word. it is not that difficult. what IS difficult is living with psychosis, especially when it is stigmatized day in and day out. when we equate medical conditions with moral standing or worth, that’s eugenics.

i wish nothing but peace and love on everyone including those who have used these terms in the past, present and future, but i am tired.

there are so many good posts making good points that fall short because they use terms relating to psychosis to indicate moral failing.

psychosis. is. not. morally. corrupt.

STOP equating psychosis with bigotry, hatred, and cruelty.

note. people without psychotic symptoms are encouraged to reblog this. i am not going to do more than my share of the work to educate non-psychotics when i’m struggling with my own symptoms. thank you.

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thank you for raising awareness abt autistic struggles!

my additions:

poor interoception plus alexithymia. don't know what feel, don't understand what happens with body, don't understand why feel bad, don't realize feel bad until something bad happens (like lash out or shutdown or meltdown or something else). don't understand body needs for long so often feel bad.

bad awareness abt surrounding. don't know what happens around. don't notice people. don't understand when they get weird or aggressive. may get in trouble if left unsupervised because someone was dangerous and i haven't noticed.

arfid. just arfid. hate arfid. wanna eat without struggles to find something that can eat now. wanna don't get meltdowns because suddenly can't get safe food.

bad emotional regulation. especially if sensory overload or changes in routine.

language struggles. hard to put thoughts in words. hard to put words together. hard, if possible, to say words out loud. accidentally saying wrong words.

swallowing problems. hate. this. shit. so. much.

pda (pathological demand avoidance). can't do things even if desire because oh now it feels like demand so can't do it. also anger bursts because of it.

not understanding a lot of things. need in explanations to get what's wrong, what's the point, etc. get shit because "should understand by yourself!"

not being understood. don't know why but get misunderstood often. have to explain, explain, overexplain, and again. if explain even a bit more vaguely, get misunderstood. don't know reason.

the list isn't exhaustive, just can't remember more things now. thank you everyone who shared.

Lets talk about the not so pleasant parts of Autism

This post is not to say that aren't good things about being autistic or that every autistic will have my experience. Let's just not forget that this is a disability that needs to be taken seriously no matter the person. Any autistic person is welcome to add on the the list.

I'll start with my struggles:

Violent meltdowns

Public meltdowns

VERY poor hygiene the the point of needing teeth removed and hair loss

Constant loneliness and felling depressed from it

Co-occuring conditions like personality disorders, ptsd, depression, psychosis, etc

Mourning the childhood and friends you never had

Blatant bullying

Feeling like you will never make your family proud

Rejected by family, society, medical system, literally everyone

Being taken advantage of (including SA)

Constantly putting yourself in danger

EDs and malnourishment from dietary habits

Knowing that others are purposely leaving you out

Being called homeless and other names for stimming and wearing comfy attire

Sensory issues make you feel like your skin wants to remove itself

Sensory issues making you miss important or fun events

Knowing that you may never be independent

Being belittled

Self injurious stims and low self esteem from it

Embarrassment 101

No privacy

Constant painful state of confusion

Being mocked for how you communicate

Fear of being judged for alternative forms of communication

Needing assistance to just maintain a healthy shower schedule

Having to follow very specific routines to the point of possibly putting yourself in danger if you don't follow them

...and these are just some things. This is the not so pleasant part of what I go through on a daily basis as an autistic. This list can go on forever because autism comes in many "shapes and sizes". Any autistics of any level, if you want, please add on to this list to show that autistic isn't a quirk and can have some seriously hard to live with sides.

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What people don't get about ARFID (medically restrictive picky eating if you're ableist) is how delicious things can look or smell and how you can crave something but know that it has some element that hits a sensory issue so intense that you would gag, choke, or vomit if you tried to eat it despite every part of you lusting for that thing

And we can make our own substitutions within those realms but people get real mean the moment you do food "wrong" in front of them. Publicly humiliating and starving children over this then mocking adults who never had their autism Cured and also now have complex PTSD surrounding food. Haha adult who can't eat a food group such a child

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"What does DSD mean?"

It means "Disorders of Sexual Development"; this is what intersex bodies are denoted as in a medical context. Most doctors don't even know the word intersex.

This term is harmful.

This term is intersexist.

This term is not preferred by us.

The term “DSD” is one of the many ways in which intersex people are told we don’t exist as whole fully-formed people in our natural bodies. The medical establishment attempts to sort us as male or female; the only way to do this is to denote our intersex traits as disordered. Which implies we must be “fixed”. Framing intersex bodies as a problem and a disorder will always lead to violence against intersex people.

You may have heard the term “DSD” be used to stand for “Differences of Sexual Development”, this is not what the term was originally coined to mean, it is backpedaling in a poor attempt to appease those who dislike the actual meaning of the term. This is not a preferred term due to the fact it is the same acronym.

The term DSD was chosen over intersex in 2005 at a conference where intersex people were barred from attending. It was then included into the DSM-V, and adopted across all medical fields, without any input from intersex people themselves.

The community is actively fighting back against this term.

We do not like that it is the accepted label, I personally consider it derogatory. The vast majority of us prefer the term intersex. If you see someone using the term DSD, they likely align themselves with bigoted spaces, and believe in the pathologization of intersex bodies, which is the dominant medical standard.

Please recognize that otherwise reputable medical sources use this terminology and believe we should be "fixed". This is not a source to cite as to why DSD is correct, this is an oppressive stain that reminds us that our movement for liberation is in the fucking toilet. This is BAD.

Do not be afraid to challenge the medical field. Things never improve without pushback.

Black people are STILL believed to feel less pain, this is in currently used medical textbooks, and causes black people's pain to not be taken seriously.

People with cluster B personality disorders used to be lobotomized.

Homosexuality used to be called 'homophilia' and was treated with electroshock therapy.

A woman showing literally any emotion would be slapped with a hysteria diagnosis and all her feelings and concerns were immediately discredited.

The medical filed is not perfect and unchallengable, especially around matters of minority groups.

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moves my wheelchair

helps me move

helps me wash hair

helps me take shower

gives me things so i don't have to move

talks with people around

writes or sends messages instead of me when am too anxious

cooks for me

helps to choose what to eat

brings cold / hot things when am in pain

massages me when am in pain

sits with me

reassures me when am anxious

grounds me when i have ptsd flashback

explains what people mean

sometimes checks what i'm gonna say / post / send and if it is understandable correctly

scares away weird ableist people

hangs out with me

treats me respectfully when helps

treats me no less as a person

more but can't remember now. he's the best. i wanna live whole life with him.

Guys can disabled people reblog this with stuff your partner(s) and friends do for you that you really appreciate?

I'm doing some writing stuff so pretty much any disability goes, it can be invisible or visible, it can be a neurodivergencey i don't care as long as you are disabled in some way

You don't have to disclose your disability if you don't want to, I just want to see some things that the people around you do that you appreciate!

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transsexual is not an old fashioned or outdated term. transsexual is not a term only used by transmedicalists, truscum and transphobic trans people. you do not have to like or use the term transsexual for yourself and no one is forcing you to, however you do have to be normal about other people using the term transsexual to describe themselves and their experiences.

people still use the term transsexual, transsexual is a term steeped in trans history and trans liberation because transness is not just about the gender binary but also about the sex binary. for many people transness is inherently related to their sex and they are trying to change their sex. sex is not an irrefutable, immutable fact and the sooner people accept that the sooner trans, nonbinary and intersex liberation becomes a possibility. I hate the sentiment that gender is a changeable social construct and sex is a biological fact because sex is also a changeable social construct.

stop buying into t_rf and transphobic rhetoric about sex.

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Last night a long time mutual of mine who regularly interacts with my intersex posts reblogged some shit about how tmes only don't like tme/tma bc they think transmisogyny is just street harassment and don't understand the full complexity of it

For me, it's that I felt a huge wave of relief when I started seeing trans women describing exactly the hell I go through as an intersex woman, minus the medical abuse that intersex people endure, and got crushed by angry trans ppl mad that a cis woman would dare to even try to relate to them through her intersex experiences. I was driven off of tumblr deeply suicidal bc I was trying to connect to ANYONE who understood what I was dealing with, and you all treated me like an invading monster lying to get attention and trying to appropriate trans struggles. I was LITERALLY told "You're describing transmisogyny, but you can't experience that. You're just upset you're being compared to trans women, transphobe."

It doesn't matter that I went through "wrong" masculine puberty that put me apart from the other kids by age eleven, it doesn't matter that my body developed in a way that makes people assume I was assigned male at birth constantly every single day, it doesn't matter that I've been paraded around five job interviews for one company so they could all get to see the freak before ghosting me. It doesn't matter that I can't use public bathrooms or be in women's spaces or even be in my classroom without knowing half the women there think I'm a predator about to pounce. It doesnt matter that Ive been homeless, abused by cis women over and over and over, discarded because im seen as inherently aggressive. The forcible correction on my gender presentation is too unrelatable to you all, I guess. The medical rape of intersex people is what makes it so you can't relate to us, I guess. My fucking entire body, head to chest to stomach to cunt to foot, all looks intersex.

But you all don't want to relate to us. That's the reality, isn't it? It's not that we're afraid of being seen as trans, it's that you all are perisex people terrified of ever being associated with intersex bodies. Isn't it? Because you know what was done to us. What is still done to us. But you won't fight with us.

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Will say I'm super fucking glad there's a surge in people talking about intersexism and those posts ending up on my dash. Not glad to know there's a vast network of us that have been dealing with similar violence from perisex ppl as me and not glad to know how many of us have been dealing with the exact same bigotry from within the queer and trans community.

I got ran off this website for two years in 2020 for talking about concepts half as spicy as what other intersex bloggers are openly saying now, and back then, there were fewer people willing or able to speak up and I was dogpiled under violence from cis and trans people both.

The reality is that the discourse surrounding gender and related violence on this app both erases and intentionally doesn't care about us by design because perisex queer people benefit from being perisex and will never align themselves with us unless its fetishizing. We will scream and beg for you all to notice that we're everywhere and we've been intentionally medically destroyed as a community and that we have no choice but to live in this world in our bodies that is inherently violent to us and yall will uphold that violence with a nasty little smile while parroting some bullshit discourse that contributes to our intentional eradication.

You all will tell intersex people how much violence and oppression you all face to deflect our pleas for solidarity and tell us we're lying monsters for saying we've been dealing with the same exact violence while the gender affirming procedures originally (and still) used to violate and mutilate us are kept from us if we try to choose them for ourselves, even in places where access to trans healthcare is simpler for perisex people.

You all don't care what violence has been done and what you continue to uphold by intentionally rejecting our existence and pretending that transphobia came before intersexism or like we are fucking collateral damage (something I've been called multiple times) We're the blueprint for "fixing" hormones and we are kept from HRT and GRS by perisex doctors who offer them to perisex people. Care about us now please. In a real way. Stop treating us as secondary or collateral or oppressive for asking for solidarity. Christ

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Why we should stop using “afab/amab”.

(in most scenarios.)

This pride month, i’m really hoping to see an upswing in intersex support, conversation, and inclusion. Despite being right there in the acronym, right next to ace/aro/agender and queer , there are plenty of people who are LGBTQA+ who don’t even know what intersex means, let alone having an understanding of the community. It’s frankly ridiculous that this conversation needs to even be had—intersex people have existed long before recorded history begins, and yet most queer people couldn’t describe our flag, or a basic definition of our identities. It’s a severe injustice, and i speak for much of the community when i say we are sick and tired of it. Going to pride only to be excluded from our own communities, the people who claim to be out family, all out of ignorance.

But there are so, so many ways to educate yourself and be an advocate for the intersex community. One of the first ones is changing your language to be inclusive of all backgrounds , both intersex and not.

So:

Why should we stop using AGAB in conversations about gender?

-Assigned sex at birth tells you NOTHING about somebody’s hormones, sex characteristics, or identity.

-There is almost no scenario in which using “afab” or “amab” cannot be replaced with a better, more accurate term.

-Agab is a term that us very important to intersex conversations. By using it in non-applicable situations, it takes away the original meaning.

-Most of the times, when an agab term is used, it is not used correctly. Don’t use the terminology if you don’t know what it means

-Often, conversations about physical sex and gender are jumbled, and many people don’t have a true understanding of the separation of the two when it come to identities. The use of AGAB—Assigned Gender At Birth—in conversations about physical sex is further reductive and erasing.

Examples of language replacement, for those who want to transition out of using this incorrect language.

(all examples used from real scenarios i’ve seen this term used. not necessarily reflections of genuine opinions or truths.)

1.

“They experience hate for being gender nonconforming, since they are an AMAB non-binary person.”

—Wrong! You don’t know what this person’s gender was assigned at birth. Just because they have a beard, or male or masculine genitalia, does NOT mean they were assigned male at birth

“They experience hate for being gender nonconforming, since they are non-binary but have masculine physical/sex characteristics.”

—Correct! Instead of jumping for broad language, say what you truly mean. In this scenario, if you are specifically talking about physical masculine characteristics, just say so. AGAB ≠ sex characteristics.

2.

“She is transfeminine, so she is AMAB.”

—Wrong! Transfeminine does not mean transitioning from male to female, and vice versa with transmasculine. Transfeminine just means that someone is transitioning their into femininity. You don’t know where they started, and so assuming can be inaccurate and harmful.

Instead of assuming their sex, just assume that everybody knows their own identity better than you do—which is true. There are situations in which someone can be assigned both female and a woman at birth, and also be trans feminine. For example, I was born female, but due to being intersex, went through a masculinizing puberty. I then transitioned back into femininity through an incredibly similar process to that or trans women who were born male. Therefor, I am transfeminine.

3. Consider whether, in a conversation, you mean to talk about assigned sex or gender at birth. Assigned sex is what someone was declared to physically be at birth. Assigned gender (at birth) is the gender they are raised and outwardly identified as by others, usually in accordance with assigned sex. If you’re talking about physical transition, you mean assigned sex at birth.

AGAB is a fundamentally incorrect term. “AGAB” means assigned Gender at birth. However, the two AGABS usually referenced are “male” and “female”, which, when talking about being assigned at birth, are sexes, not genders.

Work your language to be inclusive. If the internet can collectively find ways around saying “die” / “suicide” / “death ” / etc, you can cut two simple, incorrect terms out of your vocabulary.

Include intersex people. We’re in the acronym. We’ve always been here. It’s everyone’s job as a queer community.

Don’t Forget The “I”.

[vm-sys]

"Are you TMA or TME?"

Good question! I don't fucking know!

I'm intersex and nonbinary with visible tits and facial hair. I am neither transmasc nor transfemme. Baeddels have called me a "vaguely transmasculine butch-ish whatever theyfab" and terfs have called me a "stupid fucking tranny who will never be a woman." Doctors look at my natural body and call everything a symptom. A doctor once lowered his voice and apologized to me like someone had died when prescribing a blood hormone test, because the assumption was that I would be shocked and in mourning over my "condition."

Assumptions get made about what I want to do with my own anatomy. I get mistaken for a trans woman and a trans men by both cis and trans people. People have complemented me on the effects of both testosterone and estrogen based HRT, when I'm not on any form of HRT. Trans people act just as fucking weird about my body as cis people do.

I'm pretty sure I lose no matter what. I'm pretty sure my actual identity doesn't matter to anyone involved in trans discourse as long as they can feel superior to it and me.

TMA and TME are two sides of yet another false binary, and intersex people have repeatedly said this only to get ignored.

Am I TMA or TME?

I don't know, and I think a better question is, "why do you need to know in order to treat me with respect as a trans and intersex person?"