sheissomniac

[sheissomniac]

I haven’t dreamt for a very long time, at least not dreams worth mentioning. However, tonight…

I was driving in almost pitch dark and only one car was in front of me. The driver was running over people and I could hear them screaming and their bones cracking. I returned at dawn to see a road full of dismembered corpses and bloody tyre marks. It was a horrible sight and I returned home to tell what I saw to my parents in a state of shock and crying.

[sheissomniac]

France. Last Saturday, a man set fire to a woman who was just sitting on a bus. Four days later, an 80-yo man was arrested for the murders of his wife and their housekeeper. And yesterday, a man strangled his wife after an argument, and another man murdered his ex girlfriend.

Italy. One of the most visible effects of last year’s lockdown? The number of women murdered by their partners went up by 300%. So far in 2021, 13 women have been killed. Yesterday a man went to see his ex girlfriend, a special needs teacher who’d spent 20 years helping vulnerable children, and killed her with ‘unprecedented brutality’ in front of their 4-yo son.

UK. On March 3rd, a woman was walking home through a park. Three days later, her unrecognizable body was found in the back of a van. A male police offer has been charged with kidnap and murder. Since that day, six other women and a little girl have been killed by men.

Spain. Fourteen women have been killed so far in 2021. The latest victims are from last Monday: a man murdered his wife and their 11-yo daughter, then killed himself. Six days later, a man stabbed his ex wife seven times and left her to die in the building where she worked.

Germany. On Friday, a man killed his 4-yo daughter in Bavaria, and an 84-yo man killed his 89-yo wife in Saxony. The day before, there were two other murders and three attempted murders. In total, 37 women and seven children have been killed by men since January.

In Europe, men represent 49% of the population, and yet account for 95% of prison inmates. Worldwide, 96% of homicide perpetrators and 79% of victims are men (more than 90% of male homicide victims die in drug-related or gang-related crimes). In the United States, 99% of rapists, 88% of robbers, 85% of burglars, 83% of arsonists, 81% of vandals, 80% of perpetrators of domestic violence, and 78% of people arrested for aggravated assault are men. Young men are particularly at risk in every category. 

If this was any other social group, it would be an urgent matter, and we’d come up with explanations and solutions to keep everyone safe. 

[sheissomniac]

Happy 1 year B'day to this dream (and other unusual things) blog 🎂 yay!

[sheissomniac]

Camera-free World

One morning I found myself in a world where no photo/video taking devices worked. Something was happening, I took the mobile out ready to take a picture but the app did not open and it automatically linked to something unrelated. I asked someone nearby what happened, and upon being given the explanation, followed a discussion about all things that this new measure affected. Photographers, film directors, social media, journalists, the fashion industry, and others. Imagine living in a world without recorded moments, neither photos nor videos, and how this would change our ways of living in the modern era.

[sheissomniac]

To those who tried to walk beside

To those who still do

A friendly warning that what fires me up inside

Is not the same as happy days

Are not the matters that warm a heart

Is not the stuff of Dreams to get

For in numb hours all is fine

But then I wake and all I take

Is a guilt that lights fire to my veins

The mourn of wishes never met

I look at these bodies laid just next

Without plans, without games

Nothing ever seems enough

To ease my hunger, what's more to come?

Should I lay, remain the same?

Accept defeat without a plead?

Or should I rise without disguise

And live a life that's truly mine.

[sheissomniac]

The possessed child

I was in staying at this old and dark household, caring for two brothers, ages 2 and 12 more or less, their dog and cat. I don't know what out relation was, but I sense I was waiting for the 12 year old to grow. Strange things started to happen around the house, most specially when the baby boy was involved. Whenever the pets touched him they suffered from seasures and got paralized, taking them about a minute to return back to normal. Eventually I was holding the 2 year old boy attentively, his facial expressions were rude and harsh and his stare was penetrating. Not innocent as a child is supposed to be. I saw him changing and assuming the entity that was possessing him, his eyes reflecting a mitary green shade. I woke up with my own scream Go away Satan!

[sheissomniac]

The pink towel

I was with him and we were facing a string of sexual challenges. The chemistry was there, I could feel the intensity of what we did on my heartbeat and the pulsing of our veins. But we never actually did anything. Whenever the dream took me over it was already post-event, and I was rewarded a pink towel that appeared folded on my knees. The first few times I saw it on my lap I took it my hands and analised it, trying to understand what it was or what it meant. It didn't mean anything at all. I was living this dream in a loop. Later I began to understand that whenever we successfully won a challenge, I was awarded a pink towel.

[sheissomniac]

Mold on his head

I was on the second floor of a building, in a ghetto. The streets weren't even paved, people had to walk on soil and mud. Then I see this very pale white guy, thin with a few tattoos and shaved or bald head, crossing in a hurry. His body was wrapped with a towel and he looked uneasy and nervous. On top of his head I saw something that I couldn't quite figure out what it was at first. It was green and cotton like and it seemed to have a pattern. He kept on trying to get rid of it with his hand. It was mold. He had slept for too many days and mold grew on his head.

[Second dream] I went to visit my (ex)friend at her place. In real life she doesn't exactly have healthy habits. When I entered the kitchen there was salad and fruits everywhere. Literally everywhere. I couldn't walk around without stepping on something and when I tried to reach the fridge hoping to find any other kind of stuff to eat or drink, there it was... Salad. However, it was comforting because everytime I looked at her she was smilling happy and beautiful as I'll always remember her.

[sheissomniac]

Frustration

I was dating a kid who used to be my neighbour. We were all over each other. Kissing, grabbing, thrushing over our clothes. But we just couldn't have sex. Wherever the moment was approaching something happened. Either someone walked in or someone called, or just something else. Sex always had to be postponed. I woke up frustrated.

[sheissomniac]

Rotting

My skin was old, my bones felt older. I felt pain through the cracks of my bones, and I could somehow see them chalk white with rotting yellow stains. My skin was centuries old, pale and wrinkled. My fingers were cold and loosing their nails. I was meeting this new body of mine in a sort of amazement.

[sheissomniac]

Metamorphoses — Mary Zimmerman

[sheissomniac]

Death in the family

About a year ago I dreamt my mother was dead too. Our dogs had risen from the dead and we were playing hide and seek. It was a wonderful feeling of joy to have them back, knowing they were well. But, after hours of play, and looking at them with more attentive eyes, they were rotting. I could see bone and mold and dead sagging eyes. All the happiness went away, I knew then it was a mistake to have them back as they didn't belong to this world. The sasy playful mood they had was replaced by a ferocious ragging disposition. I was panicking not knowing how to help them. In this same dream, trying to find my mother, I realised she was as dead as they were. They were all gone, and I was left, as always, alone.

About two of having this dream, my sisters' father passed away due to a cancer nobody knew he had.

[sheissomniac]

When they die

My sister was dead and all I could do was cry. Wherever I turned to, whoever I crossed paths with, all I felt was this immense sadness and sorrow. My heart was desperate and broken and my throat hurt from being so dry. I woke up with tears in my eyes.

[Second dream] My ex wasn't well either. Something was happening and I knew he needed help. I just couldn't reach him. I couldn't find him, I couldn't talk to him, I couldn't help him. The next day I went to see him and he got hurt in a fight.

[sheissomniac]

The little girl

I met this girl at a bar and I was fucking her. Her hair was dark blonde shoulder length, her eyes were a dark shade of blue. Her skin was pale white, and all of her was very little. Height, body, little hands, little feet, little nose and little lips. Spreading her legs apart, touching her to a point she wasn't handling it anymore, maybe not even enjoying it anymore. And I was aware this was a thin line between pleasure and actually wanting to stop. Fun thing is, I was using a condom on my fingers. And I was giving her anal pleasure and pain.

[sheissomniac]

The madness of cause and consequence

Sometimes is very hard to recognise abuse. Sometimes it is so in your face that you cannot step aside and look at it from another angle, distant enough to identify it for what it is. Abuse can take so many different forms and so many different colours. Abuse can be just a word or a couple of words put together. Abuse can be the colour red, blue and purple on your skin. But abuse can also leave no marks.

When abuse is formless or takes no victim other than feelings or nights without sleep, it becomes part of your routine. It has this ability to become habit and one of the hardest things is to break habits. Specially bad ones.

And what if the abuse comes from someone you care for, someone who also in a way cares for you? The fact that abuse paints grey, instead of black and white, makes it all the more difficult to identify and to leave behind. And even before all this, more difficult to accept it for what it is.

Not all abuse is violent, not all abuse is aggressive. Not all abuse is intended to break you apart into pieces of yourself that, in the long run, you recognize no longer. Often abuse comes from someone who has, in someway, suffered abuse too and whose pieces were also broken and never mended.

Abuse is often a never-ending cycle of broken pieces that simply can't be put back together in a way that works. It's a madness of cause and consequence.

[sheissomniac]

But he did not understand the price. Mortals never do. They only see the prize, their heart's desire, their dream... But the price of getting what you want, is getting what you once wanted.

Morpheus to Titania, The Sandman : Dream Country Vol: 3 | A Midsummer Night's Dream by Neil Gaiman

[sheissomniac]

To imagine - to dream about things that have not happened - is among mankind's deepest needs.

The Unbereable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera