shethoughtshewasthepassionateone - Tumblr blog

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]

This week has been a literal nightmare. I came home with a horrible sinus headache, only to find that our apartment flooded, and flooded into 3 other suites. Now, some insurance companies are coming after us to pay for all of the expenses. My cat started acting funny, and vomiting all over the apartment. I thought that he was just stressed from all the fans drying out the apartment, but then he became totally weak and barely responsive. 

A massive (for us) amount of money (aka all of the savings that we had for me going back to school) later, our beautiful cat is doing well post surgery to remove a ton of ribbon from his GI tract. Every time someone he loves leaves, he acts out usually by breaking things in our apartment, but this time when my boyfriend was away for 3 weeks he acted out by eating a ton of ribbons. Worst, most expensive, most painful acting out ever. 

Fending off threatening phone calls from insurance companies, fighting a cold, and dealing with a maybe-dying cat pushed me into a massive amount of anxiety. I haven’t had this significant a breakdown in years. On one hand it feel silly- every day, I work with people facing horrible illnesses that are shortening their lives. In this week, the only one facing serious injury and death was my beautiful cat- and it was reversed without complication so far (fingers crossed).

But I have noticed that when I was hysterical with anxiety- it was when I was alone in my apartment. As soon as people were around me, helping me, caring for me, I was able to calm down very quickly. It was good to know that it is vital for me to be around other people when experiencing high levels of stress. And it was amazing to realize there are so many people in my life who were ready to come out and draft legal letters, give me a ride to the vet, cook me dinner, and come home from work early (my boyfriend) to help. Even though my chest is beyond sore from being incredibly tight with anxiety, I am feeling so grateful for all the people in my life who help me.

Also, it was my anniversary somewhere in all that disaster. So thankful for my love.

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]

Daily Independent Journal, San Rafael, California, September 8, 1955

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]

http://rafaeldearaujo.tumblr.com/

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]

Me: “EVERY DAY I WILL GET BETTER AND BETTER IN EVERY WAY”

Also me: “Well, it’s raining. Guess I’ll call in sick.”

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]

The sound of rain and my cat making cute murmuring dreaming sounds. What I’m focusing on instead of the deep holes of depression I’m tiptoeing around. Missing 5 days of work in the last 2 weeks because I can’t leave the house is nbd, nbd at all....right....right bank account....

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]

i googled “why do cats run around and meow at night” and one of the results listed this as a cause:

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]

“One of the most common characteristics of abusers that I noticed when I worked with people with disabilities was the attitude that the client’s resistance to the abuse was itself thought of as justification for the abuse. Once that feedback loop is established, control is justified through both acquiescence and resistance, and there’s nothing the client can do (behavior wise) to escape. The same holds true for abusive relationships, prisons, police, or any other kind of authoritarian regime. The broader message is “Your resistance tomy behavior is the reason I behave this way in the first place.”

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]

one of those nights where I’m sitting here wondering if the people my ex is dating now know that he has sexually assaulted multiple women including me

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]

[shethoughtshewasthepassionateone]