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[shiatt13]

Sometimes life isn't fair

Lately things haven't been the best. In may, I found out that I was pregnant! The next week I found out my mom has throat cancer. Good news and bad news, right? I told myself I needed to stay strong and keep myself as stress free as possible for the baby. My mom is and always has been a very strong person...not to mention quite stubborn. I knew right away she would fight it and not let it get her down. Things went very well for a few weeks. Then, on June 13th, we went in for our first ob visit. We were just a hair under ten weeks and would get to hear the baby's heartbeat and see our little one...or so we thought. Well, when we went in, our midwife couldn't find our little angel. She said this happens sometimes. She said maybe we weren't as far along as we thought. So she set us up to get an ultrasound done by a technician. I immediately knew something was not right. We went in later that day for our apt. My husband sat and watched as the technician put the dots on them pictures and put labels up. He smiled the whole time. After the tech was done, we waited. We had to talk to the dr after our apt. The tech came in and handed me the phone. That's when my heart was broken. She told me that the tech couldn't find a heartbeat and that we had had an incomplete or missed miscarriage and gave me our options. Our baby measured just over 6 weeks. After thinking about it over the weekend, I decided to take the medication misoprostol to complete the miscarriage. So it did that Monday. The horrific pain and bleeding made everything real. I couldn't believe this was actually happening! However, I did feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was no longer carrying our deceased baby. Our little angel could rest in peace. A couple weeks went by and I started to notice my moms condition worsening. Then, last week, my dad left work to take her to the hospital. She decided to take a couple days off of treatment. She was experiencing severe pain to her throat and burns to her neck. She couldn't eat or drink and was using a feeding tube. She was also coughing up blood. We thought a couple days off would help. They didn't. My parents went back in Monday to figure out what to do. I haven't heard what the results were...maybe I'm scared to know. I feel like a horrible daughter. I want to help so bad, but I don't know how! I don't even know what to say to my mom. I've never seen her this weak before. I'm going to call today to see what came of the apt and see what happened. I'm just so scared for any more bad news. Life lately has been hard. But I just keep trucking. Things have to get better one day...right?!