shiloh101

[shiloh101]

I hate my body so much that i've decided to not eat, but when i do eat, i force myself to throw it all up. Another thing is a week ago today the cops got called over to my house because i was gonna commit suicide and my girlfriend called because she was worried, before the cops showed up i went and told my sister everything and vented to her, my sister is also letting me vape, smoke weed, and get high for mental health purposes because it just helps me depression but my girlfriend doesn't seem to understand or let me do it so every time the subject comes up or im high, we fight. Back to what i was saying the cops came and asked me questions, i was bawling me eyes out because i didnt want them to take me back to the mental hospital because april 28th i got sent there because my little sister found my suicide note but thankfully i wasn't admitted there and got let go, i know i need to go but im just terrified to tell someone and go. The cops finally left and stopped asking questions then i had to throw away all my razors and pills which im glad i did and its keeping me clean and the suicidal thoughts are gone but until school starts im starving myself and currently sitting on the toilet venting to some random strangers while im forcing myself to puke. (8/6/24 - 12:58pm)

[shiloh101]

I see the scars fading and I feel the need to make new ones

[shiloh101]

”don’t cvt yourself !!”

my body my choice bitch

[shiloh101]

Im destroying myself and i know it but i cant stop it

[shiloh101]

Sometimes i look at my $elfharm scars and think “Damn it wasn’t even that deep”

[shiloh101]

Why am I so fucking useless man I want to jump off a building

[shiloh101]

I fucking miss cutting sm i just want to fucking cut everything

[shiloh101]

i feel like i have to die to be noticed

[shiloh101]

I’m trying my fucking best but it’ll never be enough

[shiloh101]

Go easy on me, I'm suicidal and anything can be the end of me

[shiloh101]

i'm so useless, worthless and replaceable I should kms

[shiloh101]

i'm living a never ending nightmare

[shiloh101]

it’s never deep enough

[shiloh101]

The minute I’m left alone with my own thoughts things go downhill quickly

[shiloh101]

no matter how well im doing this feeling always comes back

[shiloh101]

Put a brave face on for everyone else while all you want to do is slit your wrists or take enough drugs to never feel again

[shiloh101]

There’s this weird dichotomy of not wanting anyone to know you’re suffering and also desperately wanting someone to acknowledge your pain