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shine-your-light · 11 months ago

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the essence of youth is summers with you

genre: poly!surfers!ateez x fem!reader, childhood best friend!san, sort of college!au, slice of life and coming of age, slow burn, fluff, angst

length: 38.7k

c/w: surfer!ateez (deserves a warning), explicit profanity, hella angst, mentions of alcohol, themes of sexuality and homophobia, arguments, implied toxicity (not the boys), miscommunication, kissing, m x m interactions

synopsis: when you move away from your hometown at the age of six, you discover that summer in namhae takes the form of a skinny, dimpled boy who loves the sea and holding hands– choi san. but as the summers go past and he goes to seoul for college, bringing back new friends each year, you start to develop feelings that run deeper than just friendship. will your summers of youth become ones of love and dreams, or will they end in pain and heartbreak?

a/n: i owe the biggest thank you to yumi @sorryimananti-romantic for making this fic possible and for all the support she's given me in the last three months. this fic has quickly become one that i hold dearly in my heart because of how healing it has been to write, so i hope this is also healing to read ♡

it’s the first day of summer when you move to namhae.

the houses and trees flicker past and eventually peter out into vaster fields, mudflats and stretches of beach as your father drives through the countryside from yeosu to namhae. you idly wonder if summer in namhae will be like what it is back in your hometown.

it isn’t very comfortable wedged between your parents in the middle seat of the mini-truck, especially when some of the roads become unpaved as you arrive closer to the village. but you’re wearing your cute, yellow sundress with bumble bees across the front pocket, which is your big-girl dress, so you can deal with the bumpiness a little longer without complaining. the truck sounds like it’s going to give out as it groans and sputters to a stop in front of what will be your new home.

tentatively, you hop out and look around. it’s a quaint beach house that rests along a modest coastal embankment. when you walk closer to the edge of the port, you see that there’s a stretch of sand that leads to the ocean, and a little further down the coast is another beach house– your new neighbours.

the rattle of your truck must have alerted them to your arrival, because they come out with warm smiles and even warmer greetings. they exchange handshakes and hugs with your parents, then the attention falls to you. there’s a boy who peers out from behind his mother’s legs as she compliments your dress, his round eyes brimming with curiosity at the sight of a potential playmate other than his sister. you cling onto the side of your mother’s dress and the adults share a laugh.

the boy’s mother gently nudges him forward. “go on, sweetie. say hi.”

with another nod of encouragement, the boy shuffles closer to you with an impish grin. you realise he’s shorter than you are. “hi, i’m san. i’m six years old and i like the sea!”

the grip you have on your mother’s dress loosens a little as you mumble shyly in return, “i’m y/n. i’m six and i like the sea too.”

his smile grows impossibly wider, and his eyes and remaining reservations disappear at your words. reaching out, he grabs your hand in a physical declaration of friendship. your other hand falls away from your mother’s dress.

“we’re going to go play at the beach,” he announces, because you’re his friend now and friends play together.

on your first day of summer in namhae, you find that summer takes the form of a skinny, dimpled boy who loves the sea and holding hands.

“sannie!” you skid across the wooden floorboards of his living room in your sock-clad feet, startling his father who is sitting on the couch with a newspaper.

he peers at you from above his glasses with the smile that stays consistently warm, be it from him or his son. he chuckles, “hello, sweetheart, here to play with san again?”

you bow slightly in greeting and nod before you whiz off once more in the direction of san’s room. summer vacation has only just started and you and san have already spent seven summers together, but there are crabs to chase and waves to splash and sandcastles to build so there’s not a day to be wasted.

“choi san!” you holler again, thundering up to his door. you’re about to yank it open when san opens it from the opposite side, excitement already plastered across his face as he starts to yell your name too.

the moment he appears, you hurtle into his chest for a hug that ends up knocking you both off-balance. he stumbles backwards with you in his arms and rebounds off the edge of his bed, sending you both sprawling onto the floor in a fit of laughter. you’ve become familiar with the way his bedroom floor feels from these exact moments, and you’ve also become familiar with the way san’s arms feel around you from being wrapped up in his tight cuddles. you may love the sea, but you love being with san just a little more.

“do you have your bucket?” you ask, still tangled together on the floor in a mess of limbs and untamed hair.

san props himself up on an elbow and reaches behind you to reveal a large, plastic bucket. it’s purple with a white handle and it matches yours; blue with a white handle and still lying on its side from when you dropped it in favour of hugging san.

you sweep up your bucket with a cheeky grin, “race you to the beach!” using san’s chest as leverage to stand up, then pushing him onto his back again by his shoulders for good measure, you take off for the door.

“that’s cheating!” he yells after you.

you sprint with glee back through the living room, barely managing to brake in time to avoid running headfirst into his mother. you greet and farewell her in a single breath before you’re off again, forgoing your sandals when you hear the thundering of san’s footsteps and a warbled bye mum! bye dad! catching up behind you.

the pavement is hot under the bare soles of your feet but soon enough you leap off the sidewalk, bucket clattering in your hand, and the ground turns cool and soft as you run across the sinking sand. san jumps after you with a battlecry of his own and you scream when you feel him right on your tail. he catches up as you near the waves and with a final burst of energy, he grabs your hand and tugs you along with him.

your grip on your bucket is lost once more when you yelp and focus on keeping up instead– san’s only got an inch on you now but why is he so much faster than you? the wet sand starts to grow colder, salty water splashing everywhere the further you sprint. neither of you slow down– not that you could with san dragging you along right into the thick of the crashing waves as he whoops.

you dread the day san will actually be tall enough to pick you up and toss you into the water, but for now, you give him the satisfaction of pretending. you wait for him to bend down a little, then you kick the water right into his face. he splutters indignantly and blinks the sting away until he can see the wide smirk on your face. his tongue pokes his cheek as he gives you a scandalised smile, before he cocks his head and sniggers, “your turn.”

you take that as your cue to run. san dips his bucket into the water, scooping it up full to the brim, then starts chasing you with faux anger that makes you shriek in delight. you yell breathless apologies over your shoulder in between giggles but they all fall upon deaf ears as he continues streaking after you, bucket held high like a madman with an axe.

you end up slowing down because it’s hard to run through water, and you’re met with the icy downpour of water over your head. san laughs triumphantly when you look at him with the ferocity of a soaked kitten. you eye his bucket and weigh up the odds of snatching it out of his hands versus dunking him headfirst underwater through sheer force. realistically, you have no chances of doing either. plus, san knows you too well.

“use your own bucket, you loser,” he banters as he hides his. and yet, he walks back to retrieve your bucket for you before it’s swept out by the waves.

“are you cold?” san asks whilst passing it to you.

there’s vigour and liveliness thrumming through your every vein. “no,” you answer, “‘m not cold.” never with you.

he nods, “let me know if you do get cold, okay? i’ll grab you a jacket or something.”

“my house is literally next to yours. i can get one if i need to,” you chuckle.

“i know, but it’s the principle of it. just shut up and let me have my chivalrous moment.” san sits with the characteristic huffiness of a teenager who thinks he’s all grown up now that he’s in high school. but it’s not very convincing when he immediately starts to shovel sand into his bucket with the enthusiasm of a puppy.

“okay, thank you, sannie. i’ll let you know if i so much as shiver,” you dotingly appease him.

he nods diligently, then pats the sand next to him for you to sit down too. you join him in filling up the buckets with sand so that you two can make your thirty second attempt to build a five-tiered sandcastle pyramid. so far, you’ve only ever gotten to the third layer before it starts to crumble apart.

“what’s wrong?” you ask when san stops packing the sand into his bucket.

you realise he’s distracted by something in the distance and you follow his line of sight to find a lone surfer riding a wave in the horizon. san watches as the man’s body becomes an extension of the ocean– a dancing duet with the rolling waves as he stands steadily on his board with powerful elegance. when the board glides towards the shore, the man spreads his arms like an eagle’s wings and lets himself fall backwards into the sway of the water.

san is suddenly filled with yearning to learn of the sea’s choreography. he declares, “i want to become a surfer.”

“what happened to becoming a dancer?” you raise an eyebrow. because if there’s one thing that san loves just as much as the sea, then it’s dancing.

“becoming a dancer is still my dream. i meant surfing as an interest,” he breathes out. “just look at him. he looks so…free.”

you can see it in the way san’s eyes follow the surfer’s movements and sparkle with wonder– the moment he falls utterly and hopelessly in love. “then try it,” you encourage, “what’s stopping you?”

san tears his gaze away from the ocean to look at you instead. the same, loving gaze stays on his face. “nothing,” he proclaims with a growing smile. “absolutely nothing.”

san has all the summers in the world to surf. and you’ll be there with him for every single one.

you watch as san fixes his surfboard to the top of his black jeep– the last of his luggage to be loaded.

“i don’t get why you’re taking that with you. there’s probably nowhere to even surf in seoul.” you know you sound like a snobby six-year-old and not the eighteen-year-old that you are, but you don’t really care right now. not when san is leaving and you won’t be able to attend college together like you thought you would be.

tugging on the straps once more to check that they’re secure, he chuckles, “doesn’t hurt to take it just in case.” when he sees the forlorn look on your face he adds, “i’ll be back every summer, yeah?”

“it won’t be the same. who am i going to hang out with every day?” you grumble.

san laughs endearingly, “it’s only until i graduate.”

“or you find a job or a girlfriend and then you’ll stay in seoul forever.” you cross your arms defiantly as san steps closer and reaches out to ruffle your hair. where you had stopped growing at fifteen, san is still growing and he now towers almost half a head over you.

“just four years–no job, no girlfriend–and then i’ll be back. i promise.” he opens his arms a little, “now, do i get my goodbye hug or do i need to tickle it out of you instead?”

you huff before uncrossing your arms and sinking into his warm embrace. he folds you into his chest as your arms wrap around his waist. closing your eyes, you memorise the feeling of his back muscles flexing under your hands while he gently rocks you side to side. you soak in his body heat that swaddles your entire being in safety and home. you breathe him in one last time when you bury your face in the crook of his neck, nuzzling the steady pulse that beats there.

“i’ll miss you,” you whisper, because you don’t trust your voice not to crack if you speak any louder.

san presses a soft kiss against your hairline and admits, “i’ll miss you more.”

you bite back the urge to respond with ‘then stay’, cherishing the moment for a little longer instead, before you step away so that he can say his goodbyes to his family. he hugs them one by one; his father, his sister, haneul, and lastly, his mother. she’s discreetly wiping at her tears and you have to look away so that you don’t start crying too. because if you start crying, everything will become blurry, and you can’t afford that when this is the last time you’ll see san until next summer.

you all gather around the driver’s window that’s rolled down to the very bottom when san is finally seated. seeing him buckle his seatbelt ready to leave overwhelms you with a sense of finality and your eyes well up before you can blink the hotness away. san stretches a hand out to thumb away your tears and makes a sad noise, “don’t cry, please? we can call whenever you want.”

you sniffle, “call me when you arrive?”

he nods with that dimpled smile you are already starting to miss. and then just like that, your best friend is gone. you stand outside his house for a stretch of time, even after the outline of his jeep has long since disappeared into the distance. it may be the last week of summer, but it feels like it’s the middle of winter today.

san’s eyes flick upwards to look in the rearview mirror, even though he hasn’t been able to see your reflection the last three times he’s looked. he had tried to appear as collected as he could to avoid making it any harder for you, but now he regrets not holding your hand a little longer; a little tighter. and if san tears up a little as he starts the four-hour drive up to seoul, then that’s between him, the car, and the playlist you made just for him.

you absentmindedly tug on a crease in your bed sheets as you laze on your bed, phone on speaker so you don’t have to hold it. “what was that?” you pull your device closer to your ear. “are you going somewhere?”

there it is again– the beeping sound of a car in reverse. the warning signal stops as san answers vaguely, “home.”

you jolt up into a sitting position, a growing sense of excitement making its way across your face as you dare to ask, “home?”

“yeah, home,” san confirms, and you can hear the smile in his voice this time. “i told you i’d see you soon, didn’t i?”

“i didn’t think you meant in five literal minutes,” you almost trip over your own feet in your hurry to slip some shoes on. “oh my god, is that why you said you couldn’t facetime me?”

you can hear his answer this time– not the scratchy voice that comes from your speaker, no– the smooth deepness of san’s voice close by. and there he is. after almost a year of freezing days, absent dimples and longing calls, choi san is finally back in namhae for the summer.

in quick succession, you notice three things. one, san has returned from seoul with triple the number of surfboards that he left with, strapped to the top of his black jeep. two, said man is now almost a whole head taller than you as he watches you with a smirk and disconnects your call. and three, he’s not alone.

if you think that san is tall, then the two guys that hop out of the jeep after him are even taller. one of them runs a veiny hand through his dark brown locks, which fall back down to softly frame his face. the other turns in your direction after closing his door and you realise you’ve seen him before– both of them, actually.

on top of your spontaneous calls with san, you facetime him every friday afternoon after your own classes have finished. he’s usually in one of the university’s dance studios because, as a dance major at kq university, the studio is basically his second home. san mentions his friends every now and then and they’ll appear behind him to say hello to you or you’ll be able to hear them in the background of the call.

quite frankly, the crusty quality of san’s front camera hardly does them justice because wow. they’re hot. and tall. they’re not letting you forget that fact when the three of them step away from the jeep and closer to where you and san’s family are waiting to welcome them.

san greets his parents with a hug before he gestures to his friends one by one, “yunho, mingi. the friends i was telling you about.”

yunho and mingi thank san’s parents for letting them stay the summer and apologise in advance for the inconvenience. but from the way they’re immediately told that their extended stay is more than welcome and that hopefully the drive down from seoul wasn’t too tiring, you know san’s parents have already adopted the two well-mannered boys as their own sons.

“hey, pipsqueak,” san sidles up to your side whilst his parents fuss over his friends.

you look at him, appalled by the sudden nickname, and even more so as you swat his hand away when he playfully ruffles your hair to tease, “looks like you’ve been busy doing everything but growing.”

“on second thoughts, maybe i don’t really miss you.”

san laughs, the tinkle of the sound like the crisp smell of the ocean during sunrise. he pulls you into him and that’s all it takes for you to melt in his embrace. despite your earlier quip, you’ve missed san terribly. it finally feels like namhae now that his familiar arms are around you again.

the rumble of san’s chest is soothing as he says, “well, i miss you. it’s good to be back home.”

you pull back a little to look up at him and god, he’s gotten so much taller. “it’s good to have you back home, choi san.”

the sound of approaching footsteps breaks your hug apart and you give the two boys a friendly smile as san roughly introduces your names, “but you all already know that, considering you guys basically see each other every week.”

“on top of the fact that san doesn’t shut up about you,” mingi jokes.

san punches him in the arm and mingi amends himself with a laugh, “namhae! he doesn’t shut up about namhae!”

yunho snorts, then offers you a small hug as he properly introduces himself. he leaves enough space between your bodies for the holy spirit to boogie when his arms encircle you, and you honestly find his courtesy extremely endearing.

“are you two also dance majors?” you ask.

“yeah, so we share some classes together,” yunho explains. “mingi and san are in the department of dance performance though, whereas i’m in choreo, so they have all their classes together and i only share the core ones with them.”

“good thing, too,” mingi joins the conversation and rests an arm around the other’s shoulder. “i’ve known him since high school and i was honestly starting to get a little sick of his face.”

he earns himself a jab to the side and he keels over with a dramatic groan. both san and yunho ignore him in favour of stepping back towards the jeep to unload their surfboards. you eye the boards with curiosity, recognising the white deck with the yellow and blue tail to be san’s. the design is simple, but san had used his own money to purchase it as his first transition board after the beginner-level mini malibu his parents had gifted him, so it’s his baby.

“are these all yours?” you question as san rests the tail of his board on the ground.

he shakes his head with a flustered laugh, “the guys brought theirs along too.”

mingi reaches for his board after yunho takes his and your jaw drops to the ground. “you all surf? wait, so you can surf in seoul?!”

“no, you were right. you can’t,” san chortles in embarrassment. “but there are a couple of indoor surfing places that we can go to.”

mingi hikes his surfboard against his hip, “doesn’t beat the real thing, though.”

“nope, which is exactly why we’re crashing. sorry, by the way–we probably should’ve asked you whether we could come,” yunho scratches the back of his neck.

you frown, “of course you can. it’s not like i’m the town head of namhae or anything.”

“but they know we spend our summers together,” san lightly bumps you with the side of his hip.

“oh,” you can feel heat creeping across your cheeks, so you force it away by jumping on the opportunity to tease, “you know what? mingi was right. you don’t shut up about me, do you.”

mingi hollers at the ammunition you have just given him for future use and even yunho slaps his hand over his mouth to hide his smile. it’s amusing to see san flustering so easily now that there’s a new dynamic of friendship between you and the other two boys, and san resorts to giving both of his friends’ asses a good-natured kick in the direction of the beach.

as they lumber off with their boards sniggering, san effortlessly hoists his own board up and sideways and beckons, “let’s go.”

“you know i can’t surf, san.”

he flicks your nose fondly with his free hand, “not to surf, silly. let’s go get our buckets.”

your eyes widen and you stand on your tiptoes with excitement, “buckets?”

“of course,” san waggles his eyebrows up and down with his dual dimples. “we’ve got some serious sandcastle-building to show off.”

half an hour later, all three surfboards are tossed to one side in the wet sand as you share the buckets for an intense showdown between the ‘namhae ninjas’ and the ‘highschool homies’. san had shot down your suggestion to alliterate your team name with the word ‘neighbours’, claiming it was an insult to the bestfriendshipness between you two, but hadn’t been able to come up with a much better alternative himself.

san holds his breath as you upturn another moulded bucket of sand onto the third tier of your sandcastle pyramid. with little surprise, the foundation starts to crumble and triggers a chain reaction that topples it all over. as always, some things just don’t change, even over time.

mingi laughs at your sandy ruins with an awful lot of audacity for someone who had watched yunho build most of their sandcastle, only to then add a little stick at the very top as a finishing touch. he grabs his phone from where he had left it on the safety of his discarded towel and holds up the front camera to take a photo of you all.

where there used to be two sandcastles between two friends, there are now two sandcastles between four. mingi snaps the photo, eternalising the moment. some things do change over time, and sometimes, change is just the beginning of a new chapter.

“which one do you think looks better?”

your mother takes a step back to scrutinise yunho’s pick. “this one,” she points, “the other colour palette clashes too much.”

san nods solemnly in agreement and mingi squints at his own choice from beside. with the seriousness of their expressions, one would think that they’re discussing investment properties. in reality, you’re watching your trio of friends and your mother earnestly matching and colour-coordinating the floral prints of your father’s flowy farming pants to their button-up shirts.

noticing the dubious frown on mingi’s face, your mother nonchalantly skims her fingertips over the pants he’s holding. “this is one of my favourites because it has little leaves on it,” she remarks, before dropping her voice to a whisper so that only mingi can hear her next words. “it matches your shirt. i think you’ll look the best in it.”

he immediately perks up and you can’t help but compare him to a sunflower that thrives the most under a loving hand. it’s incredibly cute and you can also tell that your mother feels the same, if not obvious from the way she has been giving him extra hugs and compliments all summer.

you rejoin the boys after you have all changed into your pants. it takes a lot of self control not to laugh when you see how seriously they are taking their get-up; rubber boots hiked up to their knees over their floral pants, and their straw hats secured snugly with the chin straps. even as disinterested as your father originally was when the trio had first arrived at the beginning of summer, he now lingers behind the sliding glass doors to watch you and san attempt to teach the tall boys how to plant rice seedlings in the paddy field.

yunho grabs a small, prepared bed of seedlings and turns to look at you cheekily. “want to be a rice friend and show me how to plant these?”

you level him with a stare that makes him chuckle and apologise, “sorry, i won’t say that a-grain.”

he looks awfully pleased with himself, so you turn on your heels in pretence to ditch him for mingi instead. you let out an involuntary yelp when yunho prevents your escape by quite literally manhandling you back next to him. he dares to up his charm by using his wide, sparkling eyes on you as he thrusts the seedlings into your hands, like a child waiting for you to open a bag of snacks– how could anybody say no?

you talk him through your demonstration, separating a small cluster of seedlings from the seedbed before transplanting it into the field. once he seems confident, you let him take over. it’s mesmerising to watch yunho’s hands as he deftly carries out each step– the way his long and slender fingers move with coordination and grace. despite it being his first time, he works skillfully like someone with years of experience. you’ve come to realise that yunho’s good at doing things that involve physicality, like dancing, surfing, and now farming.

“how did you start surfing?” you wonder.

yunho stills momentarily, before he separates another cluster of seedlings and runs his fingers through its green shoots. “i actually started surfing because mingi wanted to try,” his voice is fond. “it’s been four or five years now.”

“that’s really sweet of you.”

he ducks his head bashfully, then asks, “what about you? how come you don’t surf?”

“san roped me into his first few lessons, but i never got the hang of it so i stopped,” you reveal. “i prefer watching, anyway.”

“maybe you just didn’t have a good teacher. i could teach you one day?”

you don’t doubt that he would make a good teacher, but you would most definitely be a terrible student. the shirt and board shorts that leave very little to imagination when he’s soaked, and the water that drips from the ends of his hair down his jawline and neck are distracting enough as they are from a distance.

you chuckle, “you’re going to need a lot longer than just a few days to turn me into a surfer. you guys leave this weekend, don’t you?”

“that’s true,” he hums. “but there’s always next summer…if you’d like that?”

at his words, you suddenly don’t know where to look. the rosiness that starts to colour your cheeks makes a small part of you hope that there is an underlying hint of flirting in his question. before you can answer though, you’re interrupted by san peering over your shoulder to look at yunho’s progress. “of course you’re good at this too.”

you crane your neck to look around san, where you find mingi squatting and planting seedlings in the rows that are within arm’s reach.

“how’s he going?”

san glances back, “he’s, uh–well. he’s trying.”

“my hardest!” mingi yells across the field.

with a laugh, you stand up and slowly make your way towards him, leaving san and yunho to lay down the rules to see who can plant the most seedlings in the next half an hour. because apparently, everything needs to be a competition between them.

the seedlings that mingi has planted don’t look that bad, honestly. they’re a little lopsided, the spacing and height of each seedling a little inconsistent, but for his first time it really isn’t all too bad. you tell him such and squat down beside him. “here, let me show you.”

you gently remove one of the seedlings from the watery mud whilst talking, “they may just be plants, but they’re like people, too. if you treat them with love and care, you can see the same reflected in them.” you neaten the sides of the hole as you add, “you know, it’s kind of like how yunho loves and cares for you.”

having spent all summer with the pair, you notice all the times yunho subtly perks his head up to locate where the other boy is. all the times yunho brings him into conversation or back into the little huddle you’re all standing in. all the times yunho will wait for mingi to say what he wants or thinks before saying the same thing himself.

your fingers ease the seedling into the hole, then you fill it with soil and pat it down firmly to give the shoot the support it needs. “yunho told me he started surfing because you wanted to.”

at your words, mingi nods with a wistful smile; completely different from his characteristic cheerfulness. even the brightest of stars have moments where their twinkle dulls. “i was going through a rough time at home and i wanted something to distract myself…give myself a reason to get out of the house, even if just for a few hours,” he reveals. “sometimes, yunho and i skipped our morning classes and he would take me on long trips to the beach just so that we could surf.”

“i’m glad you had him to help you through that.”

“yeah, he’s helped me a lot,” mingi agrees. “he still does. sannie too.” as he talks, mingi attempts to plant another seedling the way you have shown him, and this time, it stands tall and proud amongst the other shoots beside the one you have planted.

“how are things at home now?” you ask.

he shrugs aloofly, an indirect answer that tells you everything you need to know. his gaze settles on the other half of your little summer quartet, who are now in heated debate over the winner of the planting competition. “both of them knew that i didn’t want to go back to my hometown over summer. that’s why san asked if we wanted to come here with him. thanks for letting us stay this summer, y/n. it’s meant a lot to me.”

your heart breaks a little at his words and you nudge him playfully, “stop treating me like i’m the head of namhae. there’ll always be a place here for the both of you.”

he lets out a laugh, a glimpse of his usual self. “we just know how much summers mean to you and san.”

“and meanings can always change for the better,” you counter with a smile.

mingi feels warm from the very inside. for a moment, only you and him exist in this bubble of comfort as you simply gaze at each other. and it doesn’t go unnoticed. yunho stretches his back with a satisfied exhale at san’s admittance of defeat before glancing at the two of you looking nice and cosy in the exact same corner of the paddy field you were working on half an hour ago.

“have you two just been sitting there this whole time?” yunho narrows his eyes as his words draw san’s attention.

“no?” you flimsily say, at the same time mingi confidently declares, “yes.”

the man beside you is back to his usual antics as he giddily fans the fire by gloating, “what are you going to do about it?”

yunho and san glance at each other and you start rising to your feet at the foreboding of danger. they nod.

that’s all the warning you get before they lunge in your direction. as dorky and harmless as the two of them look in their styled outfit of farming pants and straw hats, they are anything but that as yunho and san take frighteningly large steps through the rice paddy with their long legs. and just as your luck would have it, yunho is the one who is closest to you out of the two predators. you hardly think that it’s a fair chase between the tallest and the shortest.

“yun, we can talk this out like adults,” you try to distract him.

whilst you’re struggling for your life to pull your boots out of the squelching mud as fast as you can, yunho easily moves towards you with a devilish grin. you see his outstretched hands, covered in mud, and you decide right there and then that you’re not above begging.

“don’t come any closer! please, i’m sorry! i’m–” your pleads are cut off when he grabs you by the waist and hauls you over his shoulder.

for a brief second, you almost slip right over him face-first into the mud from the momentum and your life flashes before your eyes. but then yunho’s arms flex as he steadily grips your thighs and readjusts your weight, and you resign your fate to his shoulder and his pretty– but grubby– hands.

you twist your head to the side when a husky screech alerts you to victim number two and you find mingi at the mercy of san’s headlock. he rapidly taps the latter’s forearm, yelling mercy as you all burst out into laughter. very soon, the field turns into a playground of childish liveliness as all intentions of farming are tossed to the wind.

mingi was right in saying that summers mean a lot to you and san. but as you all chase and run away from one another around the muddy field, smearing loving handprints of dirt over each other’s faces and clothes, sounds of happiness loud enough that your parents can hear it from back inside the house, summer takes on a new meaning in the shape of you four.

in hindsight, it makes a lot of sense now why san’s parents had knocked on your door earlier this morning, entrusting you with the spare key to their house and waving goodbye as they drove away in their rented campervan. they had let you know that they would be going on a road trip along the coast this summer so that san and his friends could have the house to themselves.

you hadn’t thought much of it– just excitedly counted down the hours until the reunion of your little quartet. yunho had been texting you updates as he, san and mingi finally made the four-hour trip down to namhae now that they were on summer vacation. one of the last texts you had received had been a picture of mingi in the backseat, head lolling and mouth open in deep slumber, with the caption, ‘gonna need to wake sleeping beauty up soon XD we’ll be there in about twenty’.

this time, you had opted to wait for their arrival by sitting on the embankment outside your houses. your legs had dangled off the ledge as you looked out towards the beach, and at the telltale noise of their arrival, you had excitedly hopped up to your feet, only to be met with a sight that had your steps halting in fluster. and oh, this is why san’s parents had decided to yield the house. because this time, not only have the number of surfboards doubled, but so have the number of cars and boys that are suddenly in front of you.

as san turns off the ignition to his jeep, you’re dazedly swept up into a sandwich of hugs between yunho and mingi as they greet you eagerly. it’s good to see them again in the flesh instead of their measly five-inch-tall selves over facetime, and you’d be a little overwhelmed by their height on either side of you– having forgotten just how tall they really are– if your attention isn’t distracted by the opening doors of the banged-up ute behind san’s jeep.

either seoul has water that’s doped with something, or birds of a feather flock together, because each of the three boys that step out are equally as good-looking. you’d be lying if your heart didn’t skip a beat at the sight of them. you’re a simple girl with hormones weak for eye candy, after all.

yunho slings an arm around you and walks you a little closer as the new faces turn to look at you with friendly smiles. “this is y/n,” yunho introduces. “and these are our friends, jongho and yeosang.”

you notice that he skips over one of the boys, who starts to open his mouth in complaint, but then yunho continues on, “and this short one is hongjoong. we keep him as our mascot.”

hongjoong gives the taller his middle finger with practised ease and counters, “and we keep you as our tall circus freak.”

the way everyone snickers, yunho and hongjoong included, tells you that this is just about as average an interaction can be. after the boys properly greet themselves and pleasantries are exchanged with you, they decide to unload all their luggage so that they can rest for the afternoon. you walk over to the open boot of the black jeep, reaching for the last duffel and hoisting it into your hands.

before you can so much as take two steps, there’s a hand carefully taking the bag from yours. when you tilt your head up, it’s san’s kind eyes that are gazing back at you. “here, let me do it,” he casually tells you and then he walks towards the open doors of his house.

left with the outline of his back, you have a clear view of his shoulders flexing under his white shirt and you wonder when he started to fill out his clothes with muscle. you become conscious of the way you’re subtly ogling at your best friend, so you shake your head and walk over to the back of the ute instead where there are still a few bags left in the open bed.

there’s a small duffel that looks relatively light. as you drag it closer, you quickly realise it’s heavier than it looks. “what the hell is in this? weights?” you mutter to yourself.

there’s a giggle beside you, “sorry, that’s probably yeosang’s bag. he brings his supplements with him everywhere.”

it’s jongho this time, with his gummy smile and crescent eyes, who takes the bag handles out of your hands. he extends a brown paper bag out to you instead. “we can trade. this is much lighter.”

he easily picks up the bag of supplements and then reaches for a second bag to sling over his shoulder. for the amount of adorableness he exudes from his smile and laugh, the strength that he seems to have is on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. as he walks away, there’s the crunch of approaching footsteps and you see that it’s the short boy, hongjoong. he’s only short relative to his friends, because when he comes to stand beside you he’s still easily taller than you.

“maybe you could help me hold this, too.” he’s holding his closed fist out, making it impossible to discern what’s in his hands.

“what is it?” you ask as you open your hand, palm upturned for him to drop whatever he is holding into yours.

except he simply uncurls his fingers and intertwines them with yours, shit-eating grin plastered all over his face. a laugh erupts from your throat, only growing in volume when yeosang appears and interrupts by stepping between the two of you, forcing his friend to let go of your hand.

as yeosang grabs the last suitcase and closes the tailgate, he deadpans to the other, “san’s going to chop your hand off when he sees,” then he slings his free arm around hongjoong and ushers the both of you back into the house.

“it’s okay, i wouldn’t let san do that to you,” you reassure.

hongjoong smirks triumphantly at yeosang, only for you to wipe the expression off his face when you finish, “because that’d be animal abuse.”

“it’s been five minutes and you’ve already picked your side,” he laments dramatically, before nodding. “i see how you play. i like you.”

“it’s a shame i don’t,” you quip back immediately.

“fuck, did i just get rejected?”

yeosang shoves his friend through the doorway, “stop digging yourself a deeper hole.”

you all laugh as you shut the front door behind you to stop the cold of the air conditioner that san has turned on from escaping. you’re definitely starting to see the appeal hongjoong’s friends have in teasing him.

you take the bag of snacks still in your hand to the kitchen and you set it on the counter where san is drinking a glass of water. he’s watching the rest of the boys play ‘scissors, paper, rock’ over room allocations now that all their luggage has been piled up in the living room. he raises an arm and you easily slot yourself into his side and slide an arm around his waist. relaxing into the touch of his hand slowly rubbing up and down your arm, you also watch as the boys grow increasingly rowdy with each emerging winner.

you’ve had the fleeting thought before, but now that you’re seeing all the boys together, you realise just how attractive they all well and truly are. even san, you’re slowly starting to notice, does not lack in the face or body department.

“do you guys have a rule where you have to be attractive to be friends or something?” you ask, only half-jokingly. even though you had directed the question at san, it’s not him who answers you.

“aww, stop. you think we’re attractive?” of course hongjoong would be the one to overhear.

immediately, the feistiness in you appears. “yeah, and i’m wondering why they made an exception for you.”

he takes on the jest easily, “god, you’re obsessed with me.”

“you’re right, i’m a little crazy for dogs,” you shoot back, and you can feel the shake of san’s chuckles from next to you.

“good thing i’d bark for you, then.”

“what the fuck, guys?” mingi interrupts, “get a room.”

at that, san steps forward protectively and shoos his friends away, “hurry up and put your bags in the rooms so we can go surfing.”

yunho and yeosang take their bags towards the small guest room down the hall, whilst the remaining three head for san’s room. you turn to san incredulously, “you’re fitting four people in your room?”

he shakes his head, “of course not. i’m going to sleep in haneul’s room. she’s on a trip with her friends for most of the summer.”

“she can stay at mine when she comes back. until you guys have to go back to seoul,” you suggest.

“oh, that’s right. your parents are in yeosu now, aren’t they?”

you nod. you had told san a couple of weeks ago that your parents had moved back to your grandparent’s house for the meantime. they’re not sure how long they will be staying in your hometown for, but considering the deteriorating health of your grandparents and the fact that you are independent enough to take care of yourself, it’ll likely be for a while.

san doesn’t tell you, but that’s part of the reason why he has brought so many of his friends back this summer. he knows that you’re silently struggling to adjust– even if his parents take care of you like their own daughter– so he hopes that he and his friends can fill in some of the silence, even if just for the summer. he wishes it didn’t just have to be summer.

“do you need to change into something else before we go?” he asks you.

you look down at the t-shirt and shorts that you’re wearing. you don’t mind getting them wet, but you can’t say the same about your underclothes. “yeah, i’ll quickly go and change first.”

he nods and watches as you head towards the door to toe on your sandals. when you pull the door open, he gently calls after you, “it’s good to see you again, pipsqueak. i’ve missed you.”

you smile, “i’ve missed you more.”

even after the door closes behind you, san’s smile stays on his face. “i’ve missed you the most.”

no matter how many times you experience the thrill of getting tossed into the ocean, you still cannot fathom the fact that the once short, skinny boy who used to pretend to pick you up is now tall and strong enough to actually do it.

“you cheater!” you screech when you feel san’s arms snake around your waist from behind, lifting you up off your feet. “you said you’d give me a ten-second head start!”

his gleeful laugh rings in your ears as he ignores your flailing limbs and teases, “i did! your little legs are just too slow.”

you start to feel the coolness of waves splashing your ankles and toes the further san carries you out away from shore and your grip on his forearm tightens in anticipation. with a slight swing, he lets go of your waist and tosses you into the water. the next thing you know when you regain your balance and wipe the water from your face is the sound of san’s yelp as he disappears underwater. jongho grins from above, having leapt onto the older’s back, who in turn has crumpled under the unsuspecting weight.

san emerges with a hulk-like roar absolutely soaked to the bone, his black t-shirt clinging to his torso. the clear outlines of his chest and broad shoulders set off an unfamiliar skip in your heart yet again, and san lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe his face– revealing his abs in all of their wonder– does the complete opposite of calming you down.

you're fucked. there's no way you're attracted to san like that. in the form of petty revenge, said man brings his hands down to slap the surface of the water, splashing it right in your face and jongho’s and…yeah, that flutter of butterflies is gone.

san is caught right in the middle of the crossfire as you and jongho splash him, drowning his figure in torrential rain. the sounds of his choked laughter draw the attention of everyone else too, who have no idea why san is the target but are more than willing to join in. but with the plethora of water being splashed and the chaos of hands coming from every possible direction, the three of you end up drowning under the attacks.

hongjoong quickly loses motivation when his arms grow tired from doggy-paddling the water and yunho and yeosang’s attempts also slow down. they snicker at the aftermath– your trio absolutely drenched– and then rapidly skitter away before any of you decide to retaliate in vengeance.

at their cowardice, san bites the bait and goes hollering after them, leaving you with the youngest of your group of friends. jongho beckons towards the shore with his head and you’re momentarily distracted by his wet bangs falling over his forehead and eyebrows.

“up for more surfing?” he grins at you. and if there’s one thing you’ve learnt over the summer, it’s that you would kill for jongho if he asked you with his gummy smile.

jongho is a surprisingly good surfer. as the only one in the group who grew up in seoul with limited exposure to the beach, you can hardly tell that he’s a relative beginner in comparison to the rest of the boys unless you were a surfer yourself.

once they had become their close-knit group and they realised that most of them had a shared love for surfing, they had colloquially formed their own little surfer’s club, knighting jongho as their honorary member. he learnt to surf in indoor centres, during the occasional beach road trips they would make and through the experienced guidance of his friends.

of all six surfboards they had brought to namhae, jongho’s softboard is the one that is the most ideal for you to learn with. true to his words, yunho had attempted to teach you how to surf but on his own board– a shortboard great for experienced surfers to catch steep and aggressive waves, but terribly hard for a beginner to control. jongho had offered his board and so under his and yunho’s careful hands, you had spent your summer practising on the beach before slowly transitioning into the water.

which is where you find yourself now, on your stomach as you slowly paddle out. jongho stands close by and waist-deep in the shallow waters of the spot that he has led you to where the waves are few and calm. just a couple of metres away, yeosang idly straddles his longboard as he watches in support.

“you remember how to push through the waves?” jongho checks and you nod, gripping the rails of the surfboard and straightening your arms to lift your torso upwards.

“yeah, hang on,” he says, moving closer. jongho rests his hand gently on the small of your back to steady your body and you have to focus on what he’s telling you instead of the feeling of his warm hand. he taps the sides of the board a few inches in front of where your grip currently is.

“hold it here, otherwise your centre of gravity is too far back,” he explains as you shift your hands forward. “the board might end up tipping backwards when you go through the wave.”

you retry the movement with the new positioning and jongho nods in satisfaction, removing his hand and stepping back again.

“there’s a wave coming in we could try,” yeosang suggests.

the slight swell of a forming wave starts to appear in the horizon. it doesn’t increase much in size the closer it gets, but as it reaches its peak height, the top breaks and turns into a whitewater wave. yeosang is out a little further and so he demonstrates how to push through first, lifting his torso above the break as his surfboard cuts through the wave.

“okay, ready? hold steady, steady,” jongho encourages, helping you time the movement, “and push up!”

you follow his call and straighten your arms to lift your upper body out of the wave’s trajectory, guiding the nose of your surfboard through at the same time that jongho dives under the wave. although your face still gets splashed with some water and your board trembles slightly in your grasp, you make it through the wave without tipping over.

“i did it!” you yell, shakily sliding yourself further up your board so that you can straddle it.

“you did it!” the boys respond excitedly.

jongho jumps up and down beside your board, prompting yeosang to slide into the water to join your side. you laugh brightly at the sense of achievement and at the sight of the two boys bobbing around you in a merry-go-round of exuberance.

“just a little more practice and you’ll be taking on the monster swells in no time,” yeosang declares. you know he’s exaggerating, but it makes pride bloom in your chest regardless.

somebody calls out your names and you all turn to look. it’s san standing near the waters, gesturing behind him as he yells, “we’re going to walk to the mart to get some ice cream. do you guys want to come?”

“yes!” you shout back, “wait for me!”

ungraciously tumbling off your surfboard in a hurry so that you can pull it back to shore, the boys chuckle at your eagerness. jongho grabs his board from out of your grasp so that he can carry it instead and the boys all trail behind you as you bound past san towards the pile of your belongings on the sand. while you sift through the heap for your sandals, your other hand subconsciously peels your clinging shirt away from your body. you feel the presence of someone coming up behind you and assuming it’s san, you straighten your back with a phone in your hand.

“san, you left your ph–” you start, except it’s yeosang, who bends down to pick up his towel and drapes it around you. it’s warm from the hours it’s spent in the sun and you can’t help the pleasant shiver that runs through your body. yeosang tugs it snugly over your shoulders and then takes the phone from your hand.

“here,” he tosses it to its owner, who falls into step behind you.

san nods his head in thanks and rummages under a towel where your sandals have been hiding before placing your shoes by your feet. “the ground’s pretty hot,” he says as he offers you his forearm to steady yourself with, patiently waiting for you to do up the buckles around your ankle.

“wait, i forgot my wallet,” you tell him once jongho and yeosang rejoin you after putting their surfboards away.

“don’t worry about it,” san reassures, “hongjoong’s buying.”

your ears perk up and he laughs because he knows exactly what you’re thinking. “yes, y/n. bleed him dry and order whatever you want."

"even a double–no, even a triple scoop?" you exclaim scandalously.

san's eyes drip adoration, "yes, even a triple scoop."

you run ahead with a cheer, blabbering jongho’s ear off about how if you get three different flavours and he also gets three different flavours, then you guys get to share six flavours, before yeosang joins in with excited chatter about how you guys can make it nine flavours if he does the same. you catch up with the rest of your friends and somehow, like a devilish cult, you all start to chant, “bleed hongjoong dry! bleed hongjoong dry!”

the oldest jokes that he only offered to pay for yours, not everybody’s, so mingi starts to tell you what he wants so that you can order in his stead, setting off a chain reaction as everyone else places their orders through you. they surround you, happy jostles and raucous snickers as you disappear in the middle of the group.

from behind, as san watches you grow closer and closer with his friends each summer, he can’t help but feel like he’s going to burst from affection and pride. he knows it will be a while until your parents move back to namhae, as is the same for himself until he graduates. but between his group of six– which will hopefully become the full eight next summer– and the group chat that you all made within hours of meeting each other, san is confident that you’ll never feel alone.

“if only wooyoung was here, then we’d have someone to grill the meat properly,” yeosang muses as he watches jongho flip and examine the packaging of the beef. “he’s the best cook out of us.”

“trust him to be a good cook, too,” you comment.

when you had first met yeosang, jongho and hongjoong, they had told you that there were two other friends who weren’t able to make it to namhae with the rest of them this summer. one of them was wooyoung, who naturally became part of the group after attending the same dance club as yunho, mingi and san. wooyoung had then been paired up with jongho during an inter-department project between the department of film & multimedia and the department of drama, growing close to the younger and by extension, to hongjoong, a senior in jongho’s drama society.

their other friend was seonghwa, they had told you; the oldest in their group and also in the year above like hongjoong. however, seonghwa attends a completely different university along with yeosang, the both of them undertaking a degree in education at seoul national university. they share some senior classes together, as yeosang had transferred from a law degree and had some of the credit prerequisites to jump ahead. and since yeosang is a close family friend of wooyoung’s, the three of them gradually became well-acquainted with each other.

it’s a running joke that you don’t need to remember how everybody knows each other– you just need to know that wooyoung is the common factor between them all, the person who decided that all of his friends should be friends with each other. so not only is wooyoung a social butterfly, seemingly charming and witty with good looks– should the boys’ track record stay true– but apparently he’s a good cook too. some people really just have it all.

“what else do we need?” jongho asks, haphazardly placing a few packets of the meat into the shopping cart he’s pushing.

“mingi said it would be good to make smores at the end of the night,” you answer.

last summer, during the final week that mingi, yunho and san were in namhae, you had all decided to have a barbeque feast and then spend the rest of the night huddled around a small campfire on the shores of the beach. it had been one of your favourite memories, simply basking in the peaceful buzz of summer and slowing your lives down just for one night to do nothing. you had suggested turning it into a tradition, and now that the final week of this summer has arrived, you’re all at one of the few grocery stores in namhae to stock up on food, snacks and drinks for the night.

“let’s see if they have marshmallows, then,” jongho makes a move to walk away.

hongjoong suddenly interrupts the conversation, appearing with an empty trolley in front of him. “get in,” he tells you.

yeosang helpfully points out, “that sounds like something a man with a tinted white van would say,” at the same time you question, “are we even allowed to do that?”

he beams, “i like to think that until somebody tells us we’re not allowed to do something, we are allowed to do it.”

“i can think of fifteen different reasons right now why that’s terrible life advice.”

the man simply nudges your side with the end of his trolley and you half-heartedly frown, “i’m really hoping this seonghwa friend is more responsible than you are, seeing as he’s older.”

“i hate to break it to you, but seonghwa’s worse,” jongho grimaces. “maturity ages backwards in this group, unfortunately.”

at jongho’s words, you turn to look for yunho, hoping that as the next oldest down the line he can talk some sense into hongjoong. only you’re met with the sight of the overgrown man pushing his own shopping cart with a very cramped but happy mingi sitting inside.

you sense defeat when hongjoong nudges you once more. “i can’t believe i’m doing this,” you mutter to yourself as he holds it steady for you to climb into. after all, you think, what’s life without breaking a few rules?

except nothing prepares you for the absolute madness that unfolds the moment your bottom touches the cold, metal gridding of the trolley. hongjoong quite literally revs the handlebar with engine sound effects, before charging through the aisle at full speed in an apparent race against yunho and his passenger princess. you hold on to for dear life, thinking that this will be over once you reach the end of the aisle. but both racers show no signs of stopping, instead drifting with sharp cornering into the next aisle as you screech. half of you is terrified, but the other half of you is starting to seek the thrill.

“faster, joong! faster!” you goad when you can see san standing at the end of the frozen section, waving an imaginary chequered flag.

both carts rattle past him in a close match, and as opposed as you were to the idea at first, you argue passionately against the honorary referee and the rival team over who won first place. even jongho and yeosang pick a side and claim that their eyes– from three aisles over– are as trustworthy as VAR playback.

it’s no surprise when the ruckus you’re all making gets a store manager sent your way. but by some saving grace, most likely the begrudging understanding that everyone has done this exact thing at one point or another growing up, the store does not kick you out. they let you finish shopping for the supplies you need, but not without the glares of the retail workers following you and your friends regardless of which aisle you try to duck and disappear behind.

with hushed giggles and not-so-subtle elbows in each other’s sides, your group hurriedly pays and places the multitude of plastic bags back into the trolley. san and jongho take one of the trolleys each and you all walk back to the cars to load the shopping. you would think that a scolding would deter any further misbehaviour, but when you all see the relatively empty parking lot, there’s only shared smiles of deviousness and glints of mischief.

if anyone were to look at the parking lot outside the grocery store that tuesday morning, they would see a group of seven friends, clad in an eyesore disarray of sweatpants, shorts, pajama tops and slippers, pushing each other around in shopping carts like bumper cars with shrieks of joy, circling around the dusty jeep and banged-up ute that has become an enabler of their connection and happiness.

you may all be doing the very things that your older selves will look back on with exasperated smiles and disapproving head shakes in ten years. but in the moment, you are unafraid; uncaring of what others think, because you have your friends by your side. and this, you think to yourself, is the essence of youth and summer.

you wish you were older. because being older means that you’ll have graduated, and being graduated means that you won’t have to fucking study for your fucking exams. you let out a groan and drop your head onto the table, making an audible thump when your forehead misses the thick textbooks and scattered notes, and hits the solid surface instead.

“hey, you need those brain cells,” someone gently chides. haneul stands at the doorway to your bedroom, watching your misery with a fond smile.

“can’t lose what i don’t have,” you mumble back.

“take a break,” she suggests. “do you want me to get you something from the bakery?”

haneul laughs when your head immediately turns to look at her, your left cheek pressed against the table by the cheeky smile that adorns your face. she chuckles again, “got it. i’ll be back.”

you absent-mindedly listen as the lock of your front door clicks shut and then let out a deep sigh at the silence that follows. it’s been a few hours since you first sat down and started studying but it feels like you’ve been reading the same sentence over and over again with no progress. pressing your forehead into the table again, you groan in frustration.

your ringtone goes off and your hand blindly fumbles around for your phone, sliding what you’re relatively sure is the answer button. “yeah?” you say into the receiver.

“someone’s a little grumpy today,” a teasing voice sounds.

“hwa?” you sit up instantly, looking at your phone properly.

it is him, not only blessing you with the deep richness of his voice but also the visual of him in a black tank top as he looks amusedly at the facetime you have answered. “are you still studying?” he asks.

you deflate a little, reminded of why you’ve been creating a crater in your table with your head for the past ten minutes. “mhm,” you hum affirmatively. “except nothing’s going into my brain anymore.”

“sounds like you need a break.”

“that’s exactly what haneul said,” you grumble, although you’re not entirely sure why you’re so opposed to their suggestions to stop studying.

“because we’re right,” he quirks his eyebrow. “what’s haneul doing at yours, anyway?”

“taking advantage of my netflix while i slave away to pass my exams. but she’s forgiven since she’s buying me snacks.”

“then take a break until she gets back and you finish eating. it’ll only be an hour, tops,” seonghwa convinces. “i’ll even set an alarm to let us know when time is up and i’ll keep you company when you study.”

you sag a little into your chair, shoulders relieving of their tension as you concede, which makes him smile sympathetically, “just a few more weeks to go until summer and then you’ll be free.”

“are you taking up summer school again?” you ask.

after san had added you and all the boys into a combined group chat, you had made friends with the two that you didn’t get to meet. you discovered seonghwa hadn’t been able to make the trip to namhae last year because he had chosen to take summer school instead. he had wanted to complete some of his degree requirements earlier in hopes of working part-time during his final year to gain practical experience. wooyoung, on the other hand, had had a portfolio due for his film class that required the majority of his summer if he wanted to complete it in time.

seonghwa grimaces at the memory, “no, not this time. it was a mistake, honestly. i burnt out so fast the first semester back that i didn’t even end up applying for any jobs.” he points a stern finger at you and warns, “don’t ever think about doing summer school.”

“trust me,” you laugh, “i have no intentions of ever doing that.”

you appreciate his advice regardless, because as immature as the other boys had made him out to be, seonghwa really does look out for all of you as the oldest of the group. and more often than not, you find yourself gravitating towards him when you need comfort or reassurance. “does that mean i’ll finally get to meet you?”

seonghwa nods, “woo as well.”

the screen of your phone suddenly splits to make room for an additional video as somebody joins the call. you hear his voice before his video even buffers. speak of the devil.

“oi! why are you all calling without me?” wooyoung complains.

contrary to the roll of your eyes, a smile makes its way across your face as you respond, “we’re literally calling from the group chat. no one’s leaving you out of anything.”

and as if his appearance is some sort of talisman, more of the boys start to join the call one by one. even hongjoong’s profile picture appears, camera off and on mute, wanting to feel included even if he’s in the middle of class. yunho and mingi pop up from behind wooyoung, so you’re guessing they’re busy practising in the studio. you wonder where san is.

someone asks you a question about how your exams are going, but you’re momentarily distracted by the buzzing notification of a text. “hang on,” you mumble, “let me just…reply to this.”

it’s one of your classmates, johnny, asking whether you’re home right now. you had accidentally slept through one of the review lectures earlier in the week and he had offered to give you a copy of his notes. from his text message, it appears he’s close by and able to drop them off now. you reply an affirmative and then click back into the video call, asking, “sorry, what were you saying?”

the drone of shared chatter about exams and the upcoming break fills the silence of your bedroom, like the fluttering breeze of a pleasant spring day. if they were not already so closely correlated to the warm, golden rays and salty spray of the summer ocean, your friends would be spring– the season of fresh air, blooming flowers and thriving vitality.

“someone looks happier. who are you talking to?” haneul emerges in your bedroom having come back from the bakery, holding a pastry box.

you didn’t even realise you were subconsciously smiling. “i’m facetiming the boys.”

she smirks, eyes glinting with mischief as she waggles her eyebrows suggestively and drags out her words, “i see. so who is it that you like? or is it all of them?”

“quit it!” you pretend to shove her. “want to say hi?” you turn the screen of your phone in her direction and there’s a chorus of obedient hi haneul’s as you turn up the volume.

she waves and peers at wooyoung’s video. “where’s the baby brat?”

from somewhere within the call, san yells out indignantly, “stop calling me that!” there’s a slight rustle as he walks closer to take the phone out of wooyoung’s grasp and when you peer to have a look, you can see that he’s sweaty and red-faced from finishing up a routine.

“you still respond to it, so,” haneul shrugs.

she disregards her brother’s continued complaints to drop the box onto your table along with a neatly-stapled stack of handwritten notes. “i bumped into johnny outside and he said this was for you,” she explains as you take it gratefully.

at the mention of a boy’s name, wooyoung shoves his nose towards his front camera. he rapidly asks, “who’s johnny? is he haneul’s boyfriend or what? why’s he giving you something?”

even hongjoong flicks a message into the group chat to ask, ‘who tf is jonny’.

you hold up the paper to show the boys and laugh, “he’s my classmate, guys. and he gave me notes because i missed the lecture.”

wooyoung frowns at your answer, clearly dissatisfied as he complains, “why is he giving you notes. and–what the fuck? did he hand write them? what a pretentious prick.”

you ignore him in favour of opening the pastry box to see what else haneul brought back for you. “how did you know i love these?” you exclaim.

she gives you that same, mischievous look from earlier and as she starts to exit your bedroom to leave you to your call and sweet treat, she vaguely answers, “how do you think?”

from over your phone, the others start to ask what you’ve got in the box, allowing a certain boy to easily slip unnoticed into the background. but it doesn’t take a detective to work out how– or perhaps you should say, who– told haneul about your recent cravings.

because if there’s one person who knows you the best, one person who takes notice of even the littlest of things, then it would be him.

hongjoong lightly slaps your thigh in retaliation as your laughter jostles his head that’s resting on your stomach, which only serves to make you laugh even harder. he lifts his head to grumble, “stop encouraging him, y/n. he’s going to think he’s actually funny or something.”

with a shaky exhale, you wipe a stray tear away, because you don’t think you’ve ever laughed this hard in your entire life. now that you see their whole group dynamic in action with the complete eight of them, it’s like watching a live sitcom.

wooyoung looks at him with a smug expression…then proceeds to yank the older’s sock right off his foot before throwing it into oblivion. hongjoong jolts up and dives for him and they immediately tussle about on the floor of san’s living room. amidst all of the commotion, san sneakily goes for seonghwa’s socks and you’re glad that you had peeled yours off the moment you had walked through the front door because suddenly everyone’s socks are a target.

the successful harvests that are tossed away are immediately snatched up by mingi, who hurls them under the table, behind the couch and on top of the television. you think you can see one dangling off the lights too, but you’re not about to snitch. jongho joins the corner you have taken refuge in and yeosang follows soon after, content to stay far away from the havoc that has quickly turned into wrestling. unfortunately, wooyoung is unable to let the three of you watch the world burn peacefully. he yells at the boys, who choose this to be the time to actually listen to him for once, and you’re all left scrabbling in different directions when they dive for you three.

it’s only the first day of summer and the second hour of officially meeting the boys as their full group of eight, but you can already tell that the next few months are going to be filled with absolute chaos and mayhem. and so the summer that marks san’s third visit back to namhae passes by quickly as you and the eight boys fall into an easy routine. hours turn into days, days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months. summer revolves around each other and there is never a moment spent apart.

you join the boys at dawn every day, clad in only a pair of shorts, a tank top and a light cardigan to shoulder because there’s still a slight nip of the early morning before the sun appears. you watch contentedly as they dance with the ocean on their surfboards– a duet of paddling out into the deeper waters and catching the breaks of the swells back towards shore.

the more you watch them surf, the more you start to realise just how much san has improved. you still recall the day san had fallen in love with the way the surfer used his own body and surfboard as an extension of the ocean, and you still have early memories of san’s lanky limbs flailing as he lost his balance over and over again, trying to replicate the same gracefulness. now, san is not just a dancer– he is the choreographer; the one who controls the ocean under his board.

as the early morning wears on, the serene crash of waves and intermittent squawk of the soaring seagulls are gradually interspersed with the boys’ rings of joy as they become more interested in pushing each other off their boards and splashing each other, rather than surfing itself. the strongest trio easily overpower everyone else and you shake your head fondly when the others don’t learn their lesson regardless of how many times they are suplexed underwater.

when the sun starts to wake up, they join you on the sandy shores, surfboards placed in a rough row so that you can all share them like seats. you lean against whoever is sitting beside you and watch the sunrise until your stomachs start to growl for attention.

greasy takeaway is always the foolproof solution. you share hearty burgers that are too tall to bite into and salty fries that are slathered in dipping sauce, sprawled out on the cool floorboards at san’s or yours, soaking in the refreshing coldness of the air conditioner on high without a care in the world for the electricity bill that is racking up.

afternoons are for the second round of the meal; bingsoo from the cafe, pastries from the nearby bakery or cheap ice cream from the mart. and after all the food, the best way to digest before you go out again at dusk to catch some of the waves is to take a nap.

the giant puppy pile of tangled limbs and human pillows is arguably your favourite part of the day. even if the ends of jongho’s hair tickles your nose and your arm goes a little numb from the way san hugs it and your neck feels cramped from resting on seonghwa’s shoulder, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

sometimes, when you’re all feeling rejuvenated, you’ll clamber into their three cars or happily pack yourselves into two and drive down the coast to one of the other beaches. the drive there is music blasting and scratchy singing at the top of your lungs with the windows rolled down, your flyaway hairs caressing the cheeks of the boys beside you. it’s rest stops to fill up on drinks and dessert– any excuse for more ice cream and a chance to make hongjoong’s wallet cry.

the trip back, on the other hand, is quiet, the designated drivers pressing softly on the pedals and turning with care so as not to jostle the sleeping passengers. you’re all exhausted and passed out against one another, faces pressed against a shoulder or the crown of someone’s head. slow music plays lowly in the background as the streetlights start to turn on like a warm greeting to welcome your group home.

and just as yeosang had once said, wooyoung is a good cook. dinner time becomes a bonding activity– as if every second of summer isn’t already a bonding moment– where you all experiment with different and increasingly complicated recipes. it usually ends up with him and seonghwa actually doing the cooking whilst everyone else eats the ingredients and tries not to accidentally stab someone with the knives, and dinner doesn’t usually actually become dinner until eight or nine o’clock.

but it doesn’t really matter when, half the time, the post-meal conversations turn into a slumber party after time slips away. if you retire early, you’ll sometimes be joined by haneul in your bedroom, who has stayed in namhae this summer. she’ll spill her workplace tea and you’ll gossip about your college peers late until the stars have long started to twinkle in the sky.

there are no scheduled bedtimes, no proper mealtimes, no time limits to complete things nor niggling guilt not to complete things– there is no formal routine. but when spontaneity and carefreeness become the everyday occurrence, that becomes the routine.

and as with any sort of routine comes the familiarity. familiarity finds itself in the way san sing-songs wake up, sleepyhead whenever you accidentally sleep in, and instead of shying under the covers at the sight of him in your bedroom, you whine for five more minutes. familiarity finds itself in the way yunho’s hands hover around the small of your back whenever you’re all walking to the mart for snacks and in the way wooyoung immediately reaches for the flavours he knows you like.

familiarity finds itself in the way you and hongjoong will bare puppy teeth at each other one moment then naturally use the other as a human pillow the next. it’s in the way jongho hides you when san tries to throw you into the water; the way mingi tucks your head into his shoulder when he spins you around in a hug; when seonghwa reminds you to reapply sunscreen whilst dotting the lotion along your cheeks and when yeosang quietly drapes you in his jackets after you get out of the water.

but the thing with familiarity, though, is that it’s easy for it to overshadow other things. rather than realising that there is a shift in dynamic or a change in heart, other growing feelings can be mistaken for familiarity instead. and you don’t understand this until you least expect it.

your hands fumble to catch the bottle of sunscreen that yunho has thrown in your direction before it ends up landing on yeosang’s face. he’s taking a nap on the towel next to you, disputing against everyone else’s remarks that he should take the opportunity to surf considering you’ve all made the two-hour trip to dadaepo beach.

you adjust the small umbrella that he brought along so that it covers his upper body, then uncap the bottle and lather the sunscreen over your arms and legs. it’s when you get to your back that you realise you won’t be able to reach all of your skin. san or seonghwa are usually around to help if you decide to forgo a cropped shirt over your bikini top, but they’re already running far along the shore and you can’t be troubled to yell out for one of them.

you’re starting to wonder whether you can get away with not applying sunscreen on your back if you just make sure you lie on it the whole time when hongjoong spots your plight in the form of a blank stare and squeezed lotion in the palm of your hand.

“your short arms can’t reach your back, can they?”

you imitate his laughter with an exaggerated tone, “who was it that needed my help yesterday putting sunscreen on his back?”

“maybe i just didn’t want you to feel too bad about yourself,” he shrugs and walks over to swipe the glob of sunscreen out of your hands. you roll your eyes, knowing fully well he’s incapable of taking care of you without pretending to cover it up with an insult.

“stop squirming,” he chides. the contrasting cold of the lotion and warmth of his hand sends a shiver down your spine and you try not to dwell on his gentle rubs for too long. he’s meticulous in making sure he doesn’t miss a spot, but he’s also careful and deliberate with his touch around the knotted strings of your top so that you don’t feel uncomfortable. hongjoong and the word ‘uncomfortable’ could never be in the same sentence though. but he doesn’t need to know that.

“there,” he pats your back twice like a mechanic would with the hood of a fucking car to signal that he’s finished his job and then callously walks away.

you decide to let him off the hook and settle down on your stomach to rest your eyes for a bit. yeosang knows what he’s doing, because the combined warmth of the sand beneath your towel and from the overhead rays makes you drowsy almost immediately.

you’re flicking your salt-crusted hair out of your face when a voice interrupts, “hi, i’m sorry to bother you.”

lifting your head up to look, you’re met with the sight of a girl around your age, timidly fiddling with the popsocket on her phone. you sit up and give her a polite smile, “that’s okay. can i help you?”

“um, i was just hoping to ask if he has a girlfriend?”

the boys are all scattered along the length of the beach, save for yeosang next to you, so you’re not entirely sure who the girl is referring to until you follow her finger. she’s pointing in the direction of hongjoong, who’s joined some of the others along the shore.

“the short one?” you clarify, smile fading a little as you shrug, “i’m not too sure, sorry.”

the girl shakes her head, “oh, no. i meant the boy on his left.”

choi san. you now fight to keep the smile on your face friendly when you reply, “not that i know of.”

the girl thanks you excitedly, walking off back to her group of friends who immediately huddle around her to hear your answer. you look away.

you don’t realise you’re staring at san until he turns in the distance and makes eye contact with you. his entire face lights up, eyes disappearing and shadowed dimples revealing themselves under the gleaming sun. wooyoung takes the opportunity whilst san is distracted to swing a handful of limp seaweed straight into san’s face and a laugh escapes you before you can hold it in. your best friend looks more betrayed by your laughter than by wooyoung’s antics.

the younger turns to look at you with pride and when he sees that you’re laughing, he blows you an exaggerated kiss and sends it flying in your direction with a teasing flurry of his hand. yunho charges in from out of absolutely nowhere and pretends to tackle the kiss mid-air, throwing the imaginary show of affection into the sand where hongjoong immediately joins in and stomps on it with his foot, before sending you a flying kiss of his own instead.

chaos ensues and both hongjoong and yunho run for their lives as wooyoung chases them with his deadly seaweed whip. he quickly realises that the taller of the two will be impossible to catch, so he locks in on the easier target and hongjoong screeches in fear.

you can’t help but shake your head adoringly as you continue to watch, eyes landing on san once more when the cat and mouse go tearing past him in a whirlwind of sand. san holds your gaze with a fond smile of his own and you have to remind yourself that it’s normal for the boys to have suitors.

you’re not dating san. you’re not dating hongjoong. you’re not dating any of the boys, and they’re certainly not yours. so then, why does it feel like they are? but most of all, why does your heart feel equally bitter at the thought of someone asking about any of the boys…not just your best friend?

the sight of the tube of aloe vera gel in the fridge– likely placed there by seonghwa– is a welcome sight. you had diligently reapplied sunscreen to your body with the boys’ constant reminders to reapply but you had carelessly forgotten about your face. you’re paying the price of your mistake now and the red skin across the apples of your cheeks and forehead is tight with a constant, dull throb.

grabbing the tube, you walk into the bathroom where hongjoong is currently blow-drying his hair, having callen dibs on the shower after the beach trip.

“hey, lil’ tomato,” he jests before he gets a good look at your face. “woah, that looks worse than it was an hour ago.”

you hum as you peer closer into the mirror, “this is probably the worst sunburn i’ve ever gotten before.”

hongjoong ruffles the back of his hair one last time under the dryer before unplugging it and setting it on the rack. he slips the tube of ointment out of your hands and then turns you by the shoulders to face him. that’s how you find yourself between hongjoong’s front and the porcelain sink, the edge of the countertop digging slightly into your lower back as you watch him squeeze a generous amount of aloe vera onto the tip of his finger.

he murmurs, “hold still.” with a light touch, he tilts your chin up so that he can see the angry skin of your face. the stark contrast between the characteristic roughness of his edges and the tenderness with which he applies the soothing gel on your face right now has you itching to tease him.

“admit it. you like taking care of me, don’t you.”

he rolls his eyes, “and you like being taken care of, don’t you. like when you needed your notes handwritten by johnny.”

ever since that one incident, the boys have never let you hear the end of it. they may not realise it themselves either, but really, they’re just trying to keep low tabs on this…classmate. even if the way they go about it reflects the emotional maturity of somebody half their actual age.

“i admit it’s nice to be taken care of. what about you, huh?” you challenge, poking his side testingly. “you like taking care of me, don’t you?”

you giggle when he squirms and you try it again to elicit another response, until he suddenly grabs your hand by the wrist.

“and so what if i do?” his words come out easily, but unlike the usual cockiness and flirtatiousness that he jokes around with, his tone is low and serious.

you don’t respond because you don’t know what to respond; you’re suddenly walking in uncharted territory– both in regards to his feelings and your own.

when his fingertips brush the area of your cheeks just below your under-eyes, you can’t help the instinctive flutter of your lashes. his eyes stare into yours and you swallow, noticing the way his gaze flickers down to follow the movement. there’s hunger in his pupils and longing in your chest. you don’t move away when he moves closer in.

your eyelids flutter closed once again, except this time in anticipation. his hands still cup your cheek and hold your wrist and when he brings his face down towards yours, you can feel the warmth of his body surrounding and intoxicating you. but as his nose starts to nudge the softness of your cheeks, hongjoong pulls away.

“sorry, i–this was a mistake. i shouldn’t be doing this,” he stutters. and just like that, the moment shatters.

“th–that’s okay,” you awkwardly smile. “this never happened.”

he nods without looking at you, “this never happened.”

you’re glad your face is sunburnt because you’re certain your face would be glowing from the embarrassment and shame you are overwhelmed with. hongjoong turns around before you can say anything else and leaves the bathroom, closing the door behind him and leaving you alone.

quickly, you lock the door and then stand there stunned into a stupor. because his…whatever the fuck that was, has given you startling clarity that he is right. you shouldn’t be doing this. you shouldn’t be kissing him when you want san and your six other friends equally as much.

and most of all, it was foolish of you to assume that he actually wanted something more than friendship. if hongjoong, the most flirtatious of them all, doesn’t have any romantic interest in you– or at the very least enough to want to pursue something more– then what makes you think you have a chance with any of the boys? what makes you think that any of them– much less all of them– would want you in the same way that you have now realised you want them?

in a way, your heart feels more at ease now. knowing that your feelings for the boys will be unfruitful one way or another, it’s much easier to ignore the now obvious lurch in your heart whenever they pull you into an easy hug or tell you that you look pretty. it’s easier to repress the longing you have for them when they help you put on sunscreen or surround your house with mischief and laughter.

you can’t tell whether hongjoong is actively avoiding you or whether he is conveniently busy with the other boys, but you suppose time apart right now is good for the both of you. after all, time is supposed to heal everything. and so even as the end of summer approaches and the much anticipated night of the barbeque and campfire tradition arrives, you keep your distance from hongjoong and he keeps his. simply two friends coexisting within the larger group of friends; nothing more, nothing less.

you’re all sitting on a patchwork of picnic blankets and beach towels spread around the small fire that san has constructed, now experienced from having made one three years in a row. haneul shares the towel with you on one side and yunho on your other.

dinner had been greasy meat grilled by wooyoung’s skilled hands paired with cheap alcohol that made you all wince when it went down. it had been finished off with skewered marshmallows– the most vital part of the night, as mingi had fervently reminded everyone.

someone had then suggested a round of ‘truth or dare’, which most definitely did not stop at one round. the flushed cheeks and tipsy slurs not only made the dares increasingly bizarre, but it made everyone daring enough to actually do them. as the night had continued on, the outlandish dares slowly trickled off and more of you picked to answer truth questions. with the mellowing ambience of the campfire and the clearing buzz of alcohol in your systems, it was only a matter of time before the night fizzled into calm.

“mingi,” haneul directs her question at the taller, “ if you were to date one of us excluding me, who would it be?”

his eyes dart from her to you and then to every single one of his friends. “i’d date you all,” he shrugs. “but if i had to pick one person, then probably yunho, since he’s been there for me from day one.”

yunho knocks shoulders with him appreciatively whilst joking, “your parents would love to hear that answer.”

you spot san and wooyoung cringing at the thought and you’re reminded of snippets of a conversation about surfing as a distraction and escape from home.

moving the game on, mingi asks seonghwa when he picks truth, “if you had to pick between love and friendship, which one would it be?”

seonghwa hums for a while, watching the dancing lick of flames. “i think it depends on the situation, because in the end, they’re not that much different from each other. in love there is friendship, and in friendship there is love. it’s impossible to say that one is more important than the other.”

there’s a collective boo as he skirts around the question, but you all understand where he’s coming from. it still doesn’t stop san from retorting, “the whole point is to pick one.”

seonghwa chuckles and downs half a shot to appease the other of his apparent half answer, then tosses the same question at him. “what about you, then?”

much to his disappointment, san actually has an answer.

“i would probably choose love. i think you’re right in saying you can’t separate love and friendship, but the thing that sets a romantic relationship apart is being in love,” he muses. “it’s hard to find friends you love, but it’s even harder to find a friend you fall in love with, so i would probably hold onto that no matter what.”

a few of you subconsciously nod along, words resonating with yourselves. haneul nudges you curiously, “what do you think?”

you relax into her side as you slowly formulate a cohesive answer from your thoughts. “i think i would choose love, too. i’ll admit it’s a much more difficult relationship than friendship and it often requires sacrifices to be made…it can even mean having to let go of somebody completely.”

hongjoong glances at you, guilt pricking at his chest.

“but at the same time,” you continue, “when you love somebody that much, sacrifice becomes something you want to give and are willing to offer to the other person, and you develop a depth of understanding, connection and intimacy strong enough to overcome anything that isn’t always possible with friendship.”

“you and san are both such gross romantics,” haneul pretends to gag.

“yeah, shoot us for it,” you poke her in the side. “wooyoung, truth or dare?”

“since everyone’s picking truth…truth.”

“who’s someone you’re sorry towards or thankful for?”

he whines indignantly, “why are we suddenly getting so personal,” but proceeds to think about his answer seriously. “if i’m honest, i’m sorry towards everyone. i know there are times i fall short as a friend and make mistakes, but you all always forgive me and embrace my imperfections so graciously. sometimes it makes me wonder if i even deserve you guys.”

there are immediate noises of protest and wooyoung smiles, waving away their words of objection because he knows that he’s wrong. it’s just that knowing doesn’t always stop him from feeling a certain way. “and of course, what i’m sorry for goes hand in hand with what i’m thankful for. but i’m also especially thankful for y/n,” he reveals.

your body reacts instantly to his unexpected answer, blood rushing towards your cheeks and ears as he looks at you appreciatively.

“i haven’t known you for as long as most of the other boys, but i’ve seen how happy and vibrant they are whenever they return to seoul or whenever they talk about you. and i can definitely see why, now. you make them happy–you make us happy.”

mingi clears his throat, jumping in to add to the younger’s answer, “when i’m here in namhae with you, with everybody, it feels like home.”

a home that he’s never really had until yunho, san, you, and the rest of the boys came along.

“so thank you for giving me a home here,” mingi looks at you earnestly.

if he were sitting closer, you would reach over and squeeze his hand reassuringly. instead, you tell him, “no matter how many years go by, you’ll always have a home here.”

“and the rest of us?” yunho jokes, lightly slapping your knee where your legs have slowly made their way into his lap over the night.

“you all have a home here,” you amend. because namhae is not the same without san, and namhae is not the same without the rest of your friends, either.

you continue asking each other questions, even after midnight has long ticked past and haneul has retired back to the beach house for some sleep. nobody wants the night to end, because despite already having been attached to each other’s hips all summer, the time you are spending now around the campfire is different. life slows down and the nine of you are the only ones to exist along with the stars and the ocean waves.

“you know what we should do?” wooyoung pipes up when you are all quietly watching the fire. he grins, “we should do that thing where we shout at the ocean.”

“just…straight up scream?” hongjoong frowns.

a smile starts to spread across san’s face as he understands wooyoung’s vision. “no, like our dreams. regrets. confessions,” san elaborates, making a move to stand and brushing the sand off his shorts.

seonghwa questions, “are we really doing this?” and yet he stands up as well.

“when will we ever get a chance to do this again?”

one by one, you all get up on your feet and wander down the beach closer towards the water. it’s silent, save for the crash of waves, while you eye each other and wait for somebody to start it off.

yunho clears his throat, then yells his next words from the very depths of his chest, “i want to become a famous choreographer!”

there are shared giggles at the striking contrast in volume after hours of low, heartfelt conversation, but it’s enough to fill the rest of you with courage and desire to do the same.

“i want my parents to accept that i won’t be a lawyer like they wanted me to be!” yeosang calls out.

mingi takes a huge breath with his entire body, “i hope i’ll win the lottery one day!”

you all break out into laughter, happiness and vigour running high through your veins. it definitely feels a little silly and a little childish, but is that not the charm of living in the prime years of your youth and spending it with your friends?

reservations now completely thrown to the wind, the boys holler and yell both serious and unserious aspirations with their entire soul, cupping the sides of their mouths with their hands to carry their voices further out across the waters. you watch them with deep affection and tenderness and your eyes suddenly start to well up with the intensity of your emotions.

thank you for showing me what love feels like. you can continue to love them as friends, and that is already more than you could ever ask for.

taking a deep inhale of the chill of emerging dawn and blinking away the blur in your eyes, you join the boys and yell your heart out to the ocean. your screams blend together into a symphony of dreams and hopes; the swell of the chorus and the pinnacle of the movie.

and even though you’re all half-delirious from the lack of sleep, hair ruffled and mismatched pajamas wrinkled, it feels like anything and everything is possible in this moment. from here on, it’s the nine of you against the world and whatever it may bring.

you’ve known johnny since you started attending namhae’s provincial college. being from a relatively small cohort and the same degree no less, you share most of your classes together. there’ll be a few times throughout the month that you’ll find yourselves sitting in the seat beside each other and maybe once a semester that you’ll complete a group task together.

he’s easy enough to get along with, conversation sprinkled with terrible jokes and random puns that remind you of yunho’s silly humour. you know for a fact as well that they’re the same height too, which sort of makes you wonder whether being tall has something to do with the way their funny bone develops, considering mingi’s humour is just as questionable.

you and johnny aren’t exactly distant enough to only be classified as classmates, but you’re not exactly close either. so it’s a surprise when, after summer ends and it marks a new semester, johnny asks you out on a coffee date on the weekend. (except the more you think about it afterwards, the more your seemingly random interactions make sense. why he asks for your number even after the group project is over. why he offers to drop off handwritten notes for you. why he sometimes favours sitting with you as opposed to with his own friends.)

initially, you tell him that you’re not interested, any potential awkwardness dissipating the moment he dramatically wails that he’s been rejected, much like hongjoong had when you had first met him. but then a week later, johnny coolly slaps an envelope onto the surface of your lecture table and struts off without looking back. when you open it, you realise it’s a three-page handwritten essay detailing his pros and cons in an attempt to try and win you over.

it reminds you of wooyoung, when he had made a whole presentation on his laptop complete with photographic and videographic evidence to try and convince you that he was the best dancer out of himself, san, yunho and mingi. like your friend, johnny’s efforts are honestly a little too hilarious and a little too endearing to reject for a second time, and it’s not like johnny has done anything to suggest that he’s a creep or murderer. so you let him take you out on the date.

he chooses to go to the small, quaint cafe that’s about a fifteen-minute walk from campus. coincidentally, it’s the one that you and san used to frequent before he moved away to seoul. johnny tells you to try the chocolate hazelnut dacquoise slices, which you do even though you know you prefer the strawberry ones more. the sweet mouthful makes you think of san, always offering you the first bite of his chocolate dacquoise in hopes of converting you to the flavour.

johnny pays for your dessert and drink and you two end up sitting in the cafe long after your plates have been cleared and mugs emptied to their bottoms. it turns out he likes spending time at the beach just as much as you do and he tells you of his summer trip to the maldives for his casual modelling gig. you’re not entirely surprised to learn of his part-time endeavours, considering you’ve never seen him dressed in anything less than loafers, chino shorts and a neatly-pressed button-up shirt. plus, johnny is objectively very attractive with his strong brows, chiselled jawline and dark locks of hair.

he offers to walk you home after your date, shrugging off his white button-up and passing it to you when you exit the cafe. it’s still warm enough in the afternoon to not need the extra layer, but you’re reminded of yeosang’s quiet yet perceptive gestures and it makes you smile nonetheless.

the weekend leads to a second date, followed by more time spent together. he finds reasons to see you throughout the weeks– the sun’s out which means you two should take a walk along the beach; he fell asleep during yesterday’s lecture which means you two should study at the cafe; he has a basketball match on the weekend which means you two should practise shooting hoops together.

and when you’re not physically spending time together, johnny likes to facetime you just so that he can ‘see your pretty face’. the frequency with which he compliments you randomly throughout the call is almost on par with seonghwa, who always sweetly observes when you're wearing a new lip tint or different hairstyle.

johnny’s laugh, be it in person or over video call, never fails to make you laugh with him. it’s boisterous when he doubles over with laughter and his eyes disappear when he chuckles. you can’t help but see jongho’s own adorable giggles in him.

after several months of courting advances, johnny asks to make it official. you say yes, because you have fallen for him.

and so, like the dwindling campfire that had marked the end of summer, you snuff out the remains of the fire in your heart that has been burning for san, hongjoong and the six other boys, leaving the last of the embers to their fate. left alone, they will slowly die out, completely extinguishing the flames and leaving only ashen remnants behind…or the sparks will continue to fight unnoticed; until they rekindle and turn into an uncontainable inferno.

“with all due disrespect, his parents don’t fucking deserve to be parents,” wooyoung spits out.

yunho tucks the blotchy aftermath of mingi’s heartbreak a little tighter into the crook of his own neck, other hand softly tousling the ends of the younger’s hair. the boys have only just managed to settle mingi into one of the beds in their shared dorm rooms after he had shown up at the dance studio barely holding it together by his last thread.

“i don’t think any of us had high hopes for them, considering the things he’s told us about them over the last few years,” seonghwa sighs as he pulls the blanket over mingi’s shoulders.

“but for them to just fucking disown him like that? do they even realise how much it took for him to come clean about us?”

san gently pulls wooyoung away from the bed, lest he wake up the boy in question, and massages his clenched fist open. yeosang sidles up to the pair, “do you think we could go down to namhae a few days earlier this summer?”

“that actually might be possible,” san chews on his bottom lip and takes out his phone to text his parents. “it’ll be a nice surprise for y/n, too.”

“she’s in for a few surprises,” jongho comments before nudging the boy next to him. “hopefully you didn’t scare her off after what you did.”

hongjoong scratches the nape of his neck at the jab, “yeah, i hope i didn’t fuck things up for all of us.”

“you still haven’t talked it out with her?” san looks up from his phone.

hongjoong grimaces, “no, but how could i? she said to pretend that it didn’t happen.”

“and you just took her word for it? god, that’s literally the universal response anyone would automatically give in a situation that’s utterly and mortifyingly embarrassing,” wooyoung throws his arms up into the air. “i wouldn’t be surprised if she says no to us after all.”

“look, i’ll talk to her when we see her again. the semester’s nearly over, anyway.”

san nods, “my parents are fine with us going down a weekend earlier. and i agree with hongjoong on this one–it’s probably something they should talk about in person, not over the phone. let’s just hope we haven’t missed our timing with this.”

there’s only a few more weeks left until summer, minus one week now that they have decided to make the trip down to namhae earlier for mingi’s sake. and regardless of what your answer will be to the question that they’ll ask you– be it yes or no– it still won’t change the fact that everything will be okay once they get to namhae. because everything is okay as long as you are by their side.

there’s a man standing by your side, and it’s not one of them.

it’s strange to see you holding hands with someone that they don’t know. of course, it’s inevitable that you would have your own friends in namhae and from college, and of course it’s inevitable that you would have friends of both genders. but the way you have your fingers interlocked with his looks anything but platonic.

the boys are familiar with the way their own hands feel with yours nestled in theirs; from when you squeeze yourself between two of them and happily swing your intertwined hands back and forth; when a large wave threatens to topple you over and you instinctively reach for them for support; when you’re curled up against them and absentmindedly fiddling with their fingers whilst watching a cheesy summer romcom. but right now, their own hands feel unfamiliar– oddly empty and unable to make up its mind as to whether it wants to relax or tighten into a fist, even more so when you make eye contact with them standing outside san’s house and freeze.

you haven’t told the boys about johnny yet, only that you had news you wanted to tell them in person once they came for the summer. but now that they are here, standing right in front of you and your boyfriend, you suddenly feel a prick of guilt that you hadn’t given them a heads up of some kind.

you slip your hand out of johnny’s grasp under the guise of tidying your hair. if johnny notices, he doesn’t comment on it. instead, he asks, “you know them?” and settles his arm heavily over your shoulders. the action probably looks as territorial as it feels.

“yeah, they’re my closest friends,” you answer louder than you need to, because you feel like you have to defend them– or yourself. “san’s from namhae, too, and the others are from different provinces. they go to college together in seoul.”

“oh,” your boyfriend makes a noise, “it’s them.”

hongjoong feels awfully smug at that comment, because it means that you’ve talked about them before. he feels even more pleased when you slightly step out from under the man’s arm. but then your next words have his expression darkening again.

“i was going to officially introduce him to you guys on your first day…i just wasn’t expecting it to be today,” you gently place your hand on johnny’s forearm. “this is johnny, my boyfriend.”

immediately, the boys recognise his name– how could they forget, when the name has never once left their subconscious since the moment he was mentioned. a fleeting thought enters hongjoong’s mind. if he had not pulled away that night– if he had kissed you instead of being a coward– would it be him standing by your side as your boyfriend right now?

and hongjoong is not alone in his thoughts. wooyoung’s teeth grit together as he wonders how different things may have turned out if only the older or he himself had been bolder with their feelings. if only any of them had plucked up the courage to make the first move. because you dating any of them would automatically put their heart infinitely more at ease than the literal fucking stranger who is standing by your side.

you’re about to tell your boyfriend the names of the eight boys in front of you when he raises an eyebrow at you, “you didn’t tell me your friends were all guys.” his tone isn’t accusatory, per se, but it’s definitely not cordial, either. this side of johnny is completely new to you.

seeing the flustered look on your face irks wooyoung in every way possible so he interrupts, “and why does it matter to you?”

johnny levels him with a look for several seconds before smiling placatingly. “you’ll understand when you get a girlfriend,” he dismisses.

immediately, there’s a palpable spike in tension. “sorry?” wooyoung scoffs.

san sets a firm hand on the back of wooyoung’s neck and you lowly murmur your boyfriend’s name– respectively scruffing the two men. you didn’t know what to expect introducing your friends and boyfriend to each other. but the start of what looks like it has the potential to turn into a fight was definitely not on the list.

in a lame attempt to change the topic, you comment, “you guys are here early this year.”

there’s a beat of silence that’s a split second longer than you deem comfortable and yunho clears his throat, “yeah…things ended up this way.”

the vague comment and pointed look in your boyfriend’s direction tells you that there’s more to it than they are letting you onto right now. you make a mental note to talk to them once johnny leaves…if he ends up leaving. but the heavy weight that is still draped around your shoulder shows no intention of removing itself.

even though your instinct is to run up to the boys and receive all the hugs you have missed, and their instinct is to pull you away from the unfamiliar man and back into the intimacy of their group, the arm around you is a stark reminder to everyone that you’re not single anymore– that there are now boundaries to respect. instead, your friends are left to shuffle awkwardly on the spot with wavering gazes as if they have caught you doing something they weren’t supposed to see.

“do you have classes today?” san dares to ask.

“not today. we were just…out,” you reply. on a date, it goes unsaid.

“well, we’re headed for the beach,” san hates the fact that he even has to ask his next sentence, “do you want to join us?”

looking at johnny, you hate the fact that your immediate answer isn’t to say yes. he glances at you and then answers on your behalf, “we’ll join. it’ll be nice for us to get to know each other, since it seems like we’ll be seeing each other often this summer.”

“not if you don’t show up,” wooyoung mutters under his breath, but he’s not really trying to be quiet about his disdain.

you fake a smile and push your boyfriend towards the entrance to your house. “we’ll get changed and then meet you guys down at the beach.” you don’t wait for an answer before shoving the front door open and shut again in quick succession behind you.

“wait here,” you tell johnny, “i’ll get you a spare pair of shorts,” then you disappear into your bedroom and let out a deep exhale, closing your eyes to clear your head.

you had spent the last few years embracing the changes in your relationship with san. every summer marked a change in your friendship group– a new chapter each year as you rewrote the group dynamics with additional people to love and be loved by.

this summer, like the others, also marks a change and beginning of a new chapter, but now you’re realising that not all chapters in a story will always be happy. instead, some chapters will mark the beginning of the complication.

it feels like an unusual mix between deja vu and an out-of-body experience as san straps the leash of his surfboard around his ankle. his gaze follows your form and he watches silently when you’re picked by the waist and tossed into the ocean. it looks all too familiar– except instead of him being the one who brings the laughter out of your squeals, it’s that annoyingly tall and irritatingly jacked dude that is your boyfriend.

san can’t help the sigh that escapes his lips as he peels his eyes away. if johnny makes you happy, then objectively, san wants nothing more for you. but he cannot help but feel that you are undeserving of anything less than the entire world; something he and his boys are willing to give to you. but life is all about timing and it seems like they’ve missed theirs.

he’s distracted by the sight of you and johnny in his peripheral vision, even as he paddles out into the deeper waters with yunho. the taller is uncharacteristically quiet, his eyes repeatedly flickering back and forth between you and mingi. mingi needed this trip more than any of them combined, but there’s an uneasy feeling in the pit of yunho’s stomach that’s telling him the appearance of your boyfriend is only just the beginning of a rocky summer.

regardless of their combined years of surfing experience, both yunho and san seem to continuously lose their balance on their boards today. and despite the saltiness of the sea water that flows into san’s mouth each time he falls– no longer the graceful choreographer of the sea– there’s a bitter taste on his tongue that he cannot get rid of no matter how many bottles of water he drinks over the rest of the day.

it follows him even when the sweet fragrance of fresh pastries and syrupy drinks permeates the air the moment he walks into the bakery you so adore after your group walks from the beach. san pulls the glass door open for you, wind chime tinkling softly overhead, and he has to resist the urge to let go of the door handle when your boyfriend also walks through without so much as a word or glance of gratitude.

before san walks up to the counter, he instinctively turns around to check your order before he adds it to his own like he has always done. “strawberry dacquoise and grapefruit ade?”

you’re about to nod when johnny steps into place beside you and asserts, “she likes the chocolate ones.”

san keeps his voice as even as he can and refutes, “no, y/n prefers the strawberry ones. i would know, considering we’ve been going to this cafe together since we were twelve.” he emphasises the last word, clearly telling the other that he is the one who has known you since you were young and therefore knows you the best out of anyone, boyfriend be damned.

not backing down, johnny turns to ask, “is that true, babe?”

you swallow uncomfortably, mouth suddenly dry. “i like both,” you evade.

but your lack of denial says more than enough and johnny’s frown deepens almost immediately. at his expression, you rush to amend, “i know you like the chocolate ones more. it makes me happy sharing them with you.”

“you should’ve told me,” johnny fusses. but opposed to disappointment at not having known your preference for strawberry, he seems more displeased at having discovered this fact through your male friend.

san notices how apologetic you start to feel and he absolutely despises how unfamiliar it looks on your face. if this is the type of boyfriend that he is giving you up to, then san is not prepared to let go of you at all.

“or maybe you should’ve noticed,” he shrugs nonchalantly in your boyfriend’s direction before smiling tenderly at you. “i’ll order your food. go find a seat with seong–”

johnny’s voice is heated when he interjects, “no, you won’t. i’ll pay for my girlfriend’s food.”

you’ve never heard him talk with this tone before, much less seen him act this way, but his words suddenly strike you with clarity and reasoning. with a relationship comes adherence to mutual boundaries and expectations, and although san is used to doting on you, the reality now is that johnny currently fulfills that role as your boyfriend.

“it’s alright, san. thank you,” you give your friend a soft smile. “johnny’s got it for me.”

san nods, defeated. your boyfriend gently nudges you in the direction of the tables, “go sit down. i’ll bring our order over when it’s ready.”

on edge, you walk to where some of the boys are already seated and slide in beside seonghwa, who has been watching the entire exchange silently. “y/n,” he starts.

you plaster on a smile, “it’s okay.”

seonghwa studies you carefully for a moment, then appears to make up his mind about something and returns your smile. except anybody can see that it doesn’t reach his eyes. “do you want to swap seats with me? that way you and johnny can sit on the same side.”

grateful for his thoughtfulness, you change seats and sit on his left just as wooyoung joins the table with an iced americano in his hand. he sets it down to drag a spare chair beside him, offhandedly commenting, “why are you even dating him? i don’t get what you see in him.”

he hisses when seonghwa kicks his shin from under the table, shaking his head, and you just give the younger a tight-lipped smile in response. you’re distracted by the buzz of your phone in your pocket. a quick glance downwards tells you that it’s a text from san.

sorry for putting you between your bf and i

you look up in surprise and find that he’s already gazing at you from where he’s waiting at the counter. his eyebrows knit together in apology and you shake your head, mouthing that it’s okay. san has always been the bigger person in any situation– with you, with friends and family, and even with people he doesn’t necessarily see eye to eye with.

your phone buzzes again, twice in succession, but this time the notifications aren’t from him. it’s johnny.

what’s his problem, god wants to get into your pants or sth

your boyfriend continues to tap away at his phone, expression marred with poorly concealed irritation. but he doesn’t seem to be referring to your texting exchange with san– you don’t think he’s even noticed. instead, he’s still hooked on the ordering incident.

slipping the phone back into your pocket and pretending you have not noticed the messages yet, you simply wait for johnny to grab the tray with your pastries and drinks before he slides into the chair next to you. and for the first time since dating, you find yourself comparing your boyfriend not to san, but against him.

it feels like you have spent the last two months treading carefully on eggshells. there are days you spend with both johnny and the boys and it becomes clear to everyone pretty quickly that they’re not warming up to each other. despite your best efforts to bring them closer, there is unmistakable tension that underlies every interaction that they have and don’t have with one another.

then there are the days you spend with just your boyfriend. he doesn’t mention your friends and neither do you, but you notice the way his gaze flickers to your phone whenever it lights up with a notification. like a mutual taboo, he simply continues the conversation after a pause and you don’t point it out.

and then there are the rarer days that you spend with just the eight of your friends, like today– the ones that feel like the old summers that you have started to yearn. and yet, even with the familiar essence of the past, you start to notice them. the subtle differences.

it’s not obvious at first. the casual displays of affection that have extended beyond habitual touches and have just become who they are are still there. but there’s something about the attentiveness with which seonghwa dusts the powdered sugar off of yeosang’s cheeks when he’s eating. or in the naturalness with which wooyoung moulds himself into san’s side when they sit on the couch. something in the way mingi’s entire body relaxes whenever yunho gently thumbs the nape of his neck, and in the softening of hongjoong’s eyes when jongho speaks up in conversation.

maybe it’s because you find yourself no longer a part of their shared love, regardless of how platonic it may be between you and the boys. ultimately, it’s easier to notice things when you’re watching on as what feels like an outsider. and it makes sense that the dynamics of your friendship would change, considering how deeply embedded physical affection is within your group and the fact that you now have a boyfriend, but there’s something more to their interactions– you’re sure of it. you just can’t put your finger on what exactly.

it’s that thought that reminds you of yunho’s words when he and the rest of your friends had turned up a week before the start of summer. “what did you mean about things having ended up this way when you guys came down to namhae early?” you suddenly ask, eyes looking away from the television screen where the round of their game has just ended. “and wasn’t there something else you guys had wanted to tell me about?”

clearly not having expected your questions, yunho blinks as he formulates a response, “yeah, there is. just–maybe talk to mingi first. you’ll probably want to hear it directly from him.”

and hongjoong needs to talk to you first, too, yunho thinks to himself. except, he wonders whether there is even a point to it anymore.

your heart sinks at yunho’s words because you have a feeling it has to do with mingi’s parents. and his parents are never good news. right at that moment, mingi emerges through the doorway after his shower, a towel draped over his shoulders as he uses its ends to roughly dry his hair. he stops in his tracks when he notices you and yunho staring at him.

“i know i’m hot but you don’t have to make it that obvious,” he jokes.

you snort and shake your head, getting up to your feet and walking over to him as yunho watches knowingly. “come sit outside with me for a bit?” you ask mingi.

he agrees, pulling the towel off and tossing it onto the back of a chair to dry. you catch a whiff of san’s shampoo when he moves, the fragrance of cedarwood and bergamot that all the boys end up being scented with each summer filling your nose.

the two of you sit on the embankment just outside san’s house, legs dangling off the edge of the port. you can just barely toe the start of the sand but mingi easily shuffles his feet in it, drawing lazy patterns in your company. after a few minutes of peaceful silence, he nudges you gently albeit playfully, “did you want to ask me something?”

you chuckle at having been exposed and nudge him back in response. he never budges, torso bigger and more muscular than you can move, but it doesn’t stop you from trying and him from laughing endearingly.

“i asked yunho why you guys came down earlier this summer and he said to ask you,” you peer at him, treading carefully with your next words, “is everything okay?”

he takes a breath, exhaling long and slow. “i came out to my parents,” he reveals. “told them i’m bi and…they didn’t take it well.”

mingi doesn’t need to elaborate for you to understand that his parents didn’t just ‘not take it well’. you can only imagine the hell that broke loose. “oh, mingi,” you sigh, eyebrows knitting together with hurt.

“i also told them that i’m dati–”

the sound of the door opening and the call of your name stops mingi from finishing his sentence. it’s yunho with a ringing phone in his hand. “you might want to take this call,” he alerts you.

frowning, you make a stand to reach for your phone, asking, “who is it?”

he glances down awkwardly at the screen that is still on. “your boyfriend.”

you’re just about to slide the answer button when the call disconnects and you see that including the one that has just ended, you have four missed calls.

“oh, shit,” you can’t help the curse that slips out of your mouth. four missed calls is never a good sign from anybody, much less your boyfriend, who has also sent you several texts asking where you are.

seeing the darkening of your expression, yunho misses the girl whose biggest worry was the number of ice cream scoops to scam hongjoong out of. he misses the girl whose smile was brighter than the reflected sun on san’s surfboard. most of all, yunho misses the girl he has fallen in love with.

“y/n, i’m going to be honest with you,” he hesitates slightly. “i don’t think he’s the right one for you.”

you know that yunho’s looking out for you and his heart is in the right place, but it’s not what you want to– or need to hear right now. and perhaps, there’s an inkling of you that already knows. still, you try to keep your voice even when you reply, “i’d know if he’s not.”

you turn to mingi next and shoot him an apologetic look, “i’m sorry but i should probably call him back. we’ll talk later, yeah?”

mingi doesn’t know when later will be and neither do you. but he simply nods and lets you go, watching dejectedly as your form disappears back into your house at the same time san steps out of his. he had been carefully observing from the window the moment yunho had walked out with your incessantly ringing phone in his hand.

“guess he takes priority over us now,” mingi sighs.

san looks at him bittersweetly, “that’s what happens when you find somebody you love. like johnny is her priority, you are my priority and yunho’s. in fact, you’re the priority of five other people as well.” despite the fact that he is shorter, san still reaches up to flick mingi’s nose affectionately as he fondly states, “aren’t you lucky.”

mingi scrunches his nose in retaliation and san diverts the topic, “now come on, are you going to just stand back and let yunho win the game again?”

the younger grins, light returning to his eyes as he cheekily suggests, “you distract him while i cheat?”

“i’m right here,” yunho protests, but he’s shaking his head dotingly. together, he and mingi make their way back into the house, hands finding each other as they pass through the threshold.

san lingers behind and stares at the closed door of your house. for the longest time, you have been one of san’s priorities, if not the priority. over the last few years, the number of his priorities have steadily grown and you now share the top of the list in his heart with seven other boys. your happiness is san’s priority, as is the happiness of the others.

but what happens when interests start to conflict and your boyfriend– and by association, you– becomes a reason for unhappiness amongst the people he cares so dearly for? what happens if there comes a day where he must choose between his priorities and push somebody down the list, or worse…completely out of his heart?

you’re just as troubled when, half an hour after his missed calls and your subsequent response asking to meet up, you and johnny aimlessly wander the streets of the neighbourhood. the air is tense and despite the cry of cicadas, the silence from the lack of conversation is the only sound that you can hear. you can tell that he’s displeased by the fact that you had been with your friends, but you’re not exactly happy with him right now either.

you know an argument’s brewing– one that has been long coming, perhaps since the start of summer. you could have chosen to take the night to cool down, but it will eventually boil over one day, be it him or yourself. better to address it now than wait until it’s too late, and perhaps you can salvage it before it does boil over.

“why did you call me so many times?”

johnny knows you’re not only asking about tonight, and definitely not only about his phone calls. and yet, your tone is not accusatory, only genuinely curious and open to understanding his reasoning and emotions. solely because he feels guilt starting to prick his insides at your question does he make an attempt to reign in his childish jealousy that has reared its head so many times in the last two months.

“i didn’t know where you were,” he halfheartedly answers. “i thought something had happened.”

you both know it’s a lie– a pretty bad one at that. you had texted him just mere hours ago telling him that you would be at san’s. at his excuse, you raise an eyebrow.

“i don’t like the way they look at you,” johnny finally admits, partially showing his true colours. “especially san.”

you had guessed just as much and you can see why he might feel that way, but you want him to see where you’re coming from, too. “we grew up together, johnny. we’re each other’s best friend and he doesn’t like me like that.”

warm breath ghosting over your lips and then disappearing just as fast flits across your memory. “none of them do,” you emphasise. “and i’ve been transparent about hanging out with them when you’re not there, haven’t i? i literally texted you a few hours ago.”

he hesitates, “i was busy playing basketball with my friends. i missed your text and then you didn’t reply or answer my calls…” the way his voice drops off the more he talks is a good indicator that he knows the patheticness of his justification.

“and i was busy with my friends, too,” you reason. “you’re not glued to your phone, and neither am i.”

you continue when he stays silent, “you’re my boyfriend and i understand that it can make you feel uneasy when i hang out with so many guys, but you have to understand that they’re my friends, and my closest ones too. i would appreciate it if you give me more space when i’m with them, but i’ll also try to make sure i’m reachable on my phone so you have a piece of mind.”

you look at him and search his eyes for any indicators that he has more to say. from the way his jaw clenches subtly, you know that he’s disgruntled at best. but to your surprise he does not protest, instead nodding and walking you back to your house. you can’t tell whether the silence this time is slightly better or just as suffocating.

when you reach your front door, the lights are still on in the neighbouring house and you can hear the muted ruckus of laughter. as you unlock your door and pull it open, your boyfriend surprises you once more by calling out, “i love you.”

you learn a lot about a person simply from the things that they say, and sometimes–

“i know,” you reply gently, before shutting the door.

–you learn even more about a person simply from the things that they don’t say.

it’s two weeks after your conversation with johnny when he runs into some of the boys at one of the beachside cafes without your presence.

with autumn just around the corner, you’re spending the day transitioning the rice seedlings, now almost at the height of your thighs, from the wet paddies to the drier fields since your parents aren’t in namhae to do it. only mingi, yunho and jongho are helping you out; you had discovered the hard way last summer that letting all eight of them help you was, in fact, counterproductive when there were more plants being trampled on than safely moved.

and so while the four of you are working in the rice paddy, the remaining boys sit on the cafe terrace that overlooks the beach about a ten-minute drive from your and san’s houses. a hush suddenly falls over their conversation, elbows inconspicuously nudging one another and shoulders tensing when they spot your boyfriend making his way towards the cafe with a small group of his own friends.

a smirk graces johnny’s lips when his gaze falls upon the five of your friends, ignoring the courteous nod of acknowledgement that seonghwa attempts to make on their behalf and instead walking closer onto the cafe’s terrace. it’s not clearly audible, but it’s definitely direct enough for the boys to make out the words when johnny walks past and mutters, “fuckin’ pussies.”

wooyoung immediately reacts. “what the fuck did you just say?” he growls threateningly as seonghwa squeezes his thigh in anticipation of him standing up.

johnny pauses to look at them with faux innocence, “i wasn’t talking to you guys, but i guess if you’re offended–”

it’s hongjoong who rises to his feet first, chair screeching as it slides out from under his knees along the wooden deck. “you say one more fucking word,” he starts, eyes thunderous and fists turning white at his sides.

“and you’ll what,” johnny sneers, “run to my girlfriend crying? ask her to have a little talk with me?”

at the mention of you, both san and wooyoung join hongjoong on their feet. “watch what you say,” san looks at him dangerously. “don’t bring y/n into this.”

the commotion is starting to attract the attention of the staff and other customers in the cafe. seonghwa slowly stands, preparing to step in before it can escalate into something physical as yeosang grips the seat of his chair.

johnny steps closer and scoffs, “that’s bullshit. you guys can’t even take care of your own feelings so you have to hide behind my girlfriend like a bunch of pathetic losers. it makes no fucking sense for her to ask me to leave her alone when she’s with you guys.”

“and i bet it’s never fucking crossed your mind that maybe it’s an issue with something you’re doing–not us,” wooyoung reciprocates with his own bold step closer.

he’s suddenly jerked forward when johnny fists the front of his shirt and instantly everyone moves in towards the two. seonghwa wedges his arms against their chests to prevent wooyoung from getting dragged further forward, though the younger is fiercely standing his ground, teeth bared and eyes murderous. save for yeosang, who comes to stand protectively behind him, the remaining two boys are swept up into the beginnings of a scuffle as johnny’s friends step in as well.

“look at you, all riled up,” johnny goads, ignoring the hands that are trying to keep him subdued. “and she tells me that you don’t all want to fuck her?”

seonghwa inhales sharply as he attempts to overpower both wooyoung and hongjoong, who is now extremely determined to connect his fist with your boyfriend’s face. but to many of their infuriation, the fist doesn’t get a chance to hit its well-deserved target when there’s a firm shout over the commotion.

the cafe manager harshly warns, “we’re going to have to ask you all to leave the premises, otherwise we’re going to call the police.”

“wooyoung! hongjoong!” seonghwa hisses. “it’s not worth the trouble. stop!”

there are a few tense seconds of heaving chests and grinding jaws before johnny lets wooyoung go with a shove and hongjoong begrudgingly and slowly lowers his raised fist.

“you bitches got lucky this time,” johnny glowers. he beckons to his friends with a jerk of his head, still glaring at wooyoung, then kicks a chair out of his way as he leaves the cafe. in the wake of the confrontation, seonghwa turns to look at the manager and creases his eyebrows in apology, bowing multiple times to the other employees and customers too.

the manager nods wryly, “you and your friends are still going to have to leave.”

“we understand,” seonghwa replies, beginning to usher hongjoong and wooyoung towards the exit. “we’re truly sorry.”

as the five of them walk out, his eyes dart around anxiously in case your boyfriend and his friends are still lingering around. muscles taut and on edge, seonghwa makes a decision as the oldest. “let’s go home,” he declares, “we can wait there.”

they pile into the jeep wordlessly and san turns on the ignition, pulling out of the small car park and heading back to his. they’re only a few minutes away when wooyoung breaks the silence, “so who’s gonna tell y/n that her boyfriend’s a fucking asshole and that she needs to break up with his sorry ass?” he fumes. “because if no one’s going to do it, then i’m going to tell her the moment we get home.”

“wooyoung,” seonghwa starts.

“no, don’t wooyoung me,” he snaps. “he’s a fucking pretentious dickhead and she needs to know that. i don’t even care if we don’t ever get to talk about that other thing with her anymore. all i care is that he never gets to show his face in front of her ever again.”

seonghwa rubs his temples in frustration. he argues, “look, i agree with you and i’m not saying we shouldn’t tell y/n. but we need to put our feelings aside and think about this rationally, otherwise we could end up hurting her.”

“i think she’s going to get hurt regardless of how we approach it,” hongjoong snarks as the other levels him with a look.

“the campfire night is only a few days away,” yeosang points out. “maybe we should wait until that’s over…you know how excited she and mingi get about it each year.”

hongjoong protests, “and wait for her to bring johnny along on the day? sorry, but not even seonghwa is going to be able to stop me from sucker-punching him to the ground.”

“surely she’s not going to bring him. it’s a day just for us,” yeosang frowns.

san feels their questioning gazes settling on him and he glances in the rearview mirror to confirm his hunch. “i don’t know, probably not?” he answers whilst shrugging, turning into the small street that leads to your house. “but honestly? i think we should wait until after that day to talk to her. i don’t see the point in ruining it for any more of us.”

seonghwa agrees and adds on, “and only one of us should have the conversation with her. san, you’re probably the best person out of us.”

san hums in agreement, slowly braking the car to a stop before he turns in his seat to look at the rest of them. “i’ll find a time to talk to her and in the meantime,” he looks at wooyoung and hongjoong gently, knowing how frustrated they must be feeling, “we wait.”

there’s only a few more days until the campfire– they only need to hold out for a little longer until then. what could possibly go wrong?

“are you sure it’s a good idea to leave hongjoong and y/n to get the snacks together?”

seonghwa tenderly thumbs yeosang’s lips from out of his teeth, where he has been biting the corner of his lips in worry, and answers, “he’s hopeless at buying all the other things and she knows what snacks we like the best.” seonghwa knows hongjoong’s way of being confrontational is stark and direct, but he also has faith in the other that he won’t prematurely bring up your boyfriend and risk hurting you with the conversation.

you make your way down the snack aisles of the grocery store with hongjoong and it feels both familiar and foreign. there are no shopping cart races or invisible finish flags this time– only the two of you and the baskets in his hands as he carries whatever you pluck off the shelves. it’s been a while since you’ve had time alone with hongjoong; not since the incident last summer.

looking down at the shopping baskets, you put another packet of banana crisps in before commenting, “let’s get some sweet things and then that should be enough for the ten of us.”

hongjoong cocks his head, “haneul’s coming?”

“...no,” you look at him carefully, “johnny is.”

“johnny? you’re joking.”

you frown at the sudden coldness in his tone, “he’s my boyfriend, hongjoong.” johnny had been strangely adamant about going today and you had also noticed he seemed to be irritated about something. so quite frankly, you weren’t about to tell him no.

“and he’s also an asshole, you know that? why are you even dating him?”

you know your boyfriend and your friends still aren’t on amicable terms, but you’re honestly getting tired of feeling like you have to justify yourself and your dating life. and considering you have just had a talk with johnny to try and make things better for everyone, you can’t help but feel like you are being pushed into a corner yet again.

“asshole or not, at least he’s honest about his feelings for me,” you retort pointedly.

“oh?” hongjoong scoffs in disbelief, “is that what this is about?”

you challenge him with a glare, “what do you think i’m implying?”

“so i’m the bad guy now? i thought you liked me. since when did you stoop so low as to throw yourself at any guy who makes a move on you?”

your jaw drops. “you know what? what the fuck is your problem?” you shove his chest in anger. “let’s not forget that you were the one who tried to kiss me first and you were the one who also stopped. yeah, i did like you, but at least i’m willing to admit it.”

you step in closer, breathing heavy as you continue heatedly, “what about you? what the fuck have you done that makes you think you have any right to say that my decisions are wrong.”

hongjoong grits his teeth, “you’re making a mistake dating him.”

“yeah, you would know something about mistakes,” you throw back sarcastically. “but then again, you were probably happy to pretend it never happened and forget about it.”

“don’t fucking put words into my mouth,” he warns.

“it seems to be the only way i can get you to talk about us. you have no issues giving me shit about my relationship with my boyfriend, but when it comes to our relationship it’s radio silence for a year.”

hongjoong at least has the decency to look guilty when he declares, “i was going to talk to you about it face to face.”

“whatever, hongjoong. it’s too late,” you brush him off.

you snatch the baskets out his hands and walk away, no longer concerned over what snacks the boys will have for the campfire later tonight. you just want to get away from hongjoong, so you do exactly that. you leave him alone in the aisle to stare at the view of your back walking further away from him. life is all about timing and hongjoong has long missed his.

hours later, mingi scans the room from where he’s perched on a stool at the kitchen island in your house. everyone is either lounging around, preparing the meat and cutlery or setting up the grill and table outside– everyone except for one.

“where’s hongjoong?” he asks nobody in particular. he doesn’t think he’s seen the other since they’ve all come back from the grocery store.

“he’s resting in my room,” san answers. “said he wasn’t feeling too well but he’ll join us later.”

you roll your eyes at the knives you’re counting out, opting to keep your mouth shut. what san doesn’t say either, though, is that he knows something is off– hongjoong was completely fine this morning and you were definitely in higher spirits.

there’s an abrupt knock at your front door and you put the cutlery down, saying, “i’ll get it.” you know it’s probably johnny so you don’t bother squinting through the peephole before pulling the door open and blinking, “you look nice today.”

your boyfriend has styled his hair so that it slicks back from his forehead, parted down the right side of his scalp. he’s dressed in his usual smart casual fit but has chosen to pair it with accessories to accentuate his collarbones and wrists. he shrugs, “wanted to look good.”

you lead him to the open kitchen and immediately, you notice the shift in the air. a few of the boys give a tight-lipped smile in acknowledgement, but the expressions on wooyoung and san, and even yeosang and seonghwa go blank or two shades darker. hongjoong’s uncharacteristic cold feet suddenly makes a lot of sense to san now.

“you invited johnny?” san’s question is eerily monotone. a blunt knife may not be able to cut through rope, but with continuous abrasion and chafing, even the thickest of ropes will eventually sever.

your voice is not entirely friendly when you reply, “yes, san. i invited my boyfriend.”

“and why the fuck did you do that?”

san’s swearing has you reeling in surprise, but it’s quickly replaced by pent-up stress and anger that has been lingering for weeks and exacerbated by your argument with hongjoong mere hours ago. your entire body starts to heat up when san continues to criticise, “we’ve put up with him for long enough, don’t you think? it’s one thing for you to date him of all people, but it’s another thing to bring him to this.”

you laugh bitingly, no longer concerned about trying to deal with this maturely. all you can think about is how san is hurting you and how you want to hurt him back too. “so you can bring whoever the fuck you want each year, but i can’t bring my own boyfriend?” you retort.

the silence is deafening. nobody moves as they try to process the words that have just been thrown at them. yunho’s eyes are wide with confusion more than hurt at how quickly this argument has escalated, and he slowly raises his arms out in front of him, “okay, i think we all need to–”

“whoever the fuck–are we just ‘whoever’ to you?” wooyoung harshly interrupts. “we’ve been trying to look out for you and this is what we fucking get in return?”

you know that you won’t be able to take your words back after you say them, but they slip out anyway as you counter, “i didn’t ask any of you to look out for me.”

yunho’s arms fall limply to his sides and seonghwa looks away. wooyoung’s words are resigned and stony when he stares at you dead in the eye and says, “you know, y/n. we needed this trip this summer…more than anything. but thanks for ruining it for all of us.” then he brushes past your shoulder and slams the front door on his way out.

one by one, the boys follow him out of your house– first yeosang, then seonghwa, neither of them able to look you in the eye. when yunho and jongho hesitantly walk past you as well, they give you a small, apologetic wince.

mingi still stands in the room. he has been quiet throughout the entire argument but his eyes tell a story of a million words. he’s filled with hurt and sorrow if not obvious by the wetness that starts to well in his eyes. “i guess you were just saying it when you told me i have a home here with you in namhae,” he chokes out.

your own eyes grow hot as you shake your head, “mingi, that’s not–”

but he leaves before you can say anything else. turning back towards the interior of your house– now looking far too spacious and vast without one of your friends occupying every available surface– you are left alone with just san and johnny. the heat of the fight is quickly slipping away, instead rushing all towards your eyes, and you call out san’s name. what for, you don’t know, but your cry is timid and desperate.

as much as it pains san to make a decision, mingi needs him– his boys need him, and they are his priority now. right there and then, san discovers for himself his final answer when it comes to choosing between love and friendship. he walks out of your house, turning his back on you.

you jolt awake feeling disorientated. your head feels clouded, eyes blurry from swelling and you’re still in the clothes from last night that you don’t recall falling asleep in. reaching for your phone, you wonder whether it has already ticked past noon for you to have woken up on your own, except you find that its dead. you roll over with a groan and plug your phone into its charger, then haul yourself upwards.

you rinse the stale taste out of your mouth before walking out to the living room and immediately, you’re hit with the memories and intense emotions of last night. there are packets of raw meat still unopened and bottles of soju still littering the table that you hadn’t tidied up. in the aftermath of the argument, you had told johnny to give you some space and to go home. you had then gone straight to your bedroom, covering yourself with the blankets in an attempt to hide yourself from the world and cried out your sorrows until you exhausted yourself to sleep.

you let out a long and heavy sigh, soul still exhausted to the very core, so you turn back towards your bedroom. you’ll clean everything up when you’re feeling a little more confident to face the consequences of last night. sitting on the edge of your bed, you reach for your phone. there are a few texts from johnny that you scroll past when something else catches your eye.

it’s a text from jongho, timestamped for 1:17 am. you and the boys rarely have a reason to message each other individually, preferring to use the group chat since there are no secrets shared. although, you suppose, none of you will be using the group chat for a while…

you tap on jongho’s notification. instantly, your heart drops all the way to the bottom of your stomach and past it. you think your heart is down in the fucking ground, because–

hey, wasn’t sure if you’d want to know or not but i think we’re going back to seoul in the morning

the numbers in the corner of your phone tell you that it’s already eleven thirty, and that’s when you hear it– the noise that had woken you up earlier. the distinct slam of a car boot closing shut. you jolt up to your feet, panic coursing through your veins as blood rushes to your ears and drowns out all rational thoughts. you forgo any shoes and throw your front door open to run outside, uncaring of the grit that digs painfully into the soles of your feet.

a brief flash of relief flickers across jongho’s face at your appearance but you miss it in your frenzy to make sense of what you are seeing. all three of their cars are parked in a line, their surfboards already strapped and secured to the car hoods or in the bed of the ute. the last of their luggage and duffel bags are being loaded and san is locking his front door.

every summer, the boys wait until the last possible second to leave, to the point where you have to forcibly push them towards their cars with fond laughter. it’s only thursday today and summer doesn’t end for another three days, and yet–

“you guys are leaving?” you ask apprehensively.

nobody answers you immediately. the only sound that punctuates the silence is the forceful slam of a door as wooyoung enters the car. hongjoong accidentally makes eye contact with you and his eyes narrow before he opens the door to his ute and also disappears.

jongho clears his throat awkwardly, “yeah, we’re heading back early.”

“oh…” you’re at a loss for words, unsure of how to react to this situation. “drive safe.”

like a parallel of last night, the boys enter their respective cars one by one, jongho giving you a subtle wave. guilt stifles you for the things you have said to the boys and you’re also consumed by hurt from the things they have said to you. but you know for certain that you cannot just let this friendship fall through the cracks like this.

as san makes his way to his jeep, which is parked at the front of the line as the lead driver, you watch carefully for any sign that things are still salvageable for your friendship. a smile, a glance, a nod– anything. but he simply pulls his jeep door open like you are invisible.

you hesitantly ask him, “i’ll see you next summer?”

san is expressionless but he may as well be glaring at you when he replies, “don’t count on it,” and for the second time of your life, he turns his back on you.

as san buckles his seatbelt in, trying his goddamn hardest to pretend he doesn’t see the tears now beginning to fall from your eyes, he tells himself that you’ve made your decision and he’s made his. he has chosen his priorities and will give you up, and yet, still he hopes that one day you’ll realise you deserve better and break up with johnny. san hopes that you’ll come across somebody more than better, even if it cannot be him.

before yunho also gets into the jeep, he pauses in front of you. he fists the sides of his pants to stop himself from reaching out to wipe your tears away. instead, he consoles, “i think we all just need a little bit of time, yeah?”

you nod numbly at his words. you’re forced to take several steps back out of the way after yunho also shuts his door closed and the engines hum to life in succession. unable to do anything, you can only watch helplessly as san’s jeep starts to pull away and the other two cars also follow.

“they’re finally leaving, huh.”

there’s only one person who would have amusement laced into those words. refusing to turn around in your state, you exhale shakily, “not now, johnny.”

“you honestly need better friends. everyone has a stick up their ass in that group,” he comments.

“i said not now,” you warn again, blinking the rest of your tears away when you feel anger creeping up in its stead.

“i should’ve just punched them when i had the chance to.”

you whip around to face him and yell, absolutely appalled, “johnny!”

“what?” he scowls. “they were the ones who started it.”

you grow deathly still. “started what?” you interrogate, and when he doesn’t let up, you step in closer. “johnny?”

“look, i ran into some of them the other day. that little fucker–wooyoung? he was basically asking to be punched. he’s lucky i let him off the hook,” he sneers.

you’ve known wooyoung longer than you have known johnny and you honestly find your boyfriend’s recount hard to believe. yes, wooyoung is hot-headed and rash, but he never reacts unless he has been provoked. or in other cases, his loved ones have been provoked.

“don’t you fucking dare call my friends fuckers,” you growl. is this who your boyfriend truly is? is this the person who your friends have been able to see through all this time?

“are you fucking serious right now?” johnny spits in your face, “you’re defending them? you always take their fucking side even though i’m your boyfriend.”

you spit right back, “and you know what? that was my biggest mistake. i should have never made you my boyfriend.”

johnny’s expression drops entirely. “are you breaking up with me right now?”

“yes, i am.” you confirm. “we’re over.”

you turn on your heel and for once, you are glad that he has shown up at your house, because it means you are a mere ten feet away from shutting your now-ex out of your life. you fumble with the door, vision rapidly blurring, then walk through and close it behind you. slowly, you lean back against the door. with nothing grounding you anymore, the tears escape your eyes once more and you don’t bother trying to hold back your cries.

all too fast, everything has come to a full circle of hurt. johnny turned his back on your friends, your friends turned their backs on you, and you have now turned your back on johnny. your chest shudders and heaves at the realisation, wondering where it all went wrong.

you want to seek out one of the boys for comfort– seonghwa or san– but you only end up dropping to your hands and knees, head dizzy from how hard you begin to sob, when you realise that that’s no longer an option. you all need time apart, both yourself and the boys. you know. but it’s much easier for them because they are going back to seoul together as their group of eight. they still have each other to lean on for comfort, whereas you are left behind to nurse your own wounds by yourself.

in the quiet of your house with the end of summer approaching in namhae, for the first time since meeting san, you are truly alone. it no longer feels like the nine of you against the world and whatever it may bring. instead, it’s you against the world…and the eight of them.

haneul takes all but one look at you before she’s making herself comfortable on your couch, tugging a cushion into her lap and patting the space beside her with a commanding air of authority. her expression tells you that there’s no room for argument, so you sink into the couch next to her.

the bewilderment must be obvious on your face when she asks you to spill what happened with san, because she simply reveals, “san messaged the family chat when he arrived back in seoul. and we all know he would give up surfing before voluntarily leaving namhae early.”

you slouch in on yourself, “we fought.”

as surprising as it is to hear, since she’s never seen you and san argue before, haneul had an inkling that that was the case after her little brother’s vague reasons. she probes, “about what?”

you tell her about everything. how you started dating johnny, how the boys came early for the summer and how you tried to get them on friendly terms. how your friends were constantly telling you to break up with him and how your boyfriend was always unhappy about you spending time with them. you tell her about the near-kiss with hongjoong last summer and the confrontation you had with him this summer. the argument you had with all the boys and the break up with johnny. everything.

haneul’s quiet for a while as she tries to piece together your story and her own thoughts. “did they ever tell you why they were so against you dating him?” she finally questions.

you shake your head and she asks, “then did you try talking to them about it?”

you slowly shake your head again, slightly ashamed by your own answer. you had been so focused on finding fault in the different ways the boys could have expressed their disapproval regarding your boyfriend that you didn’t think of the multiple opportunities you had to work out why those opinions existed in the first place.

“what do you think of it all, then? obviously, you would have broken up with johnny for a reason–or did the criticism from the boys just become too much?

fiddling with the hem of your shirt, you look down at your lap. “he was a decent guy…up until summer and the boys came over. that’s when he started acting differently and,” you pause, trying to find a nicer phrase before giving up and settling on, “became an asshole.”

she nods, waiting as you elaborate, “he became more overbearing and possessive, especially when i was hanging out with them when he wasn’t present. and he was just always so pissed. he was dead serious about getting into a physical fight with wooyoung. and we both know that none of the boys would ever start a fight for no reason, much less a fistfight, so johnny had to be the instigator.”

the way that you are solely picking out the faults of your ex does not go unnoticed by haneul. “y/n,” she stares at you seriously. “are you upset about your break up, or your argument with the boys?”

her question stuns you because it’s quite obviously both, but she stops your reflexive response with the instruction, “think about it before you answer me.”

you close your mouth and look at your lap again to actually process your own thoughts and feelings. what are you thinking and feeling? johnny…you had sort of known already that he would not be a constant in your life for much longer. from the moment you had started comparing him against the other boys, it was already the beginning of the end.

but san and the others? they are and have been the sun to your solar system for years; your providers of vitality, warmth and summer who you cannot live without. there’s a constant, gravitational pull that keeps you all together, except the balance has now been thrown off entirely. you realise what the answer was all along and you quietly admit, “the argument.”

she places a hand over yours, comfortingly stroking your knuckles as she sympathises, “i think so too.”

promptly, you feel your eyes pricking with the sting of tears and in a moment of fragile vulnerability, you plead to haneul in a shaky voice, “what am i going to do without them?”

“come here,” she whispers.

she pulls you into her, your body immediately going slack in her embrace. you cling onto her like a lifeline, afraid that you are going to drown in your cries of anguish. you don’t know how long you stay buried in her chest grieving for the friendships you have lost, but your neck and back are sore with stiffness by the time you calm down. still, she doesn’t let go of you– not until you make the first move to pull away.

haneul continues to stroke your hair, soft shushing noises as she rocks you back and forth with her. when your shuddering breaths have resided and steadied out, she breaks the silence softly, “y/n, i think there’s more to your heartache and regret than just feeling like you’ve lost your closest friends.”

your throat is scratchy when you mumble, “what do you mean?”

“i can’t tell you because that’s something that you’re going to have to work out for yourself. but after you figure out your own feelings, talk to them. communication is the first step to solving any problem, and i think you’ve realised just how much miscommunication could have been avoided leading up to the argument.”

you know she’s right, but your chest shrivels up on itself in fear. “what if they don’t answer my messages or calls? what if they really don’t come back next summer?” what if they hate me forever?

haneul rests her cheek on the crown of her head, “if they take a step back, then why don’t you take two steps forward?”

her words slowly sink in and when they do, you inch out of her embrace. haneul cannot help the smile that adorns her own face in tandem with the one that starts to peek out along your lips. your face is still red and blotchy but there is now a ray of emerging hope as your voice trails off, “you mean…”

“yes, y/n,” haneul nods. you feel goosebumps spreading across your body when she affirms your thoughts.

“go to seoul and talk to them.”

summer passes and autumn comes. the days grow shorter as the nights become longer and the weeks blur into a haze of monochrome darkness. the leaves and flowers fall off the trees, nature gradually stagnating and waning into nonexistence, much like the groupchat you share with the boys that has remained untouched since summer.

in a feverish state of resolution the very same day you had cried in haneul’s arms, you had booked an express bus trip that would take you directly from namhae to seoul. yet, despite telling yourself every weekend that you’ll make the trip, the ticket remains unused. whenever you see your last message to san– a meek question asking if he had arrived back in seoul fine– that continues to stay unread, your courage crumples and you reschedule the date for the following weekend.

the cycle repeats itself well into autumn. that is, until he breaks it.

you’ve spent the last few days thinking about this very moment. there are only a few minutes left until midnight, which will mark the end of jongho’s birthday. you’re unable to count the number of times you have opened his chat, typed out a message, then exited without actually sending it.

currently, the text cursor in jongho’s chat blinks back at you like your own indecisiveness wavering back and forth between messaging him and not. the minute ticks over once more– it’s now or never. you let your thumbs skim across the surface of your phone before you can contemplate any further. it’s a simple message; only reading two lines.

happy birthday jongho how have you been?

really, you mean ‘how have you all been?’ because you cannot care about one of them without also caring about the others.

you lock the screen and toss your phone to the side, pretending you don’t care whether he replies or not, as if your phone is capable of sensing anxiousness and will sabotage his incoming messages– that is, if any come at all. but jongho’s last messages to you had been the ones alerting you that he and the boys would be leaving namhae prematurely. surely an indicator that this friendship isn’t entirely lost.

the lecture slides on your laptop may as well be written in a foreign language as you restlessly eye your phone, wondering if he has seen your messages. you know it will be fruitless to continue studying, so you steel yourself for disappointment and reach for your phone. to your surprise, there’s a reply waiting for you.

thanks y/n, i’ve been good

it’s simple and only five words, but that in itself speaks volumes to your relationship. your heart skips a beat when the messages in his chat shift upwards once more as a new text comes in like an afterthought.

i miss you

really, jongho means ‘we all miss you’ because you can be angry at someone, feel hurt by them, yet still love them all the same.

his confession stuns you frozen, your fingers hovering in place over your keyboard. it fills you with longing for more and hope for what may come, but also fear for what could happen. jongho has taken a small step to meet you halfway and you are absolutely terrified of messing things up once more. with your heart pounding in your chest, you carefully type out your next message, send it and then hold your breath.

can we call?

your fingers repetitively trace the rim of your phone case back and forth as you wait for a reply. there’s a rising swell of panic that continues to grow when nothing comes and you even exit and reopen the app. what you don’t know is that jongho almost trips onto his face in his hurry to untangle his legs from out of his blanket so that he can lock himself in the bathroom to call you without waking the others.

the phone nearly falls out of your grasp when the screen suddenly lights up not with a message but a call. you let it ring for a few seconds to gather your own composure before sliding the button to nervously answer, “hello?”

“hello?” comes jongho’s reply.

your voices overlap as you both simultaneously talk, “can you hear me–” “hi–yes, can you hear me?”

“yeah, i can hear you too, hi,” you breathe out, face breaking out into a smile.

the exchange has jongho letting out a giggle and the sound immediately releases all the tension that has built up in your body. your eyes start to mist over as you let out your own bashful laughter, because it is so much more than just missing the sound of jongho’s happiness. you’re reminded of crashing waves and windswept fringes; heavy surfboards and helping hands– the summer days when everything was happier and simpler. how did everything end up the way it has?

“thank you for replying to my message, jongho,” your voice is unsteady.

he must hear the way your throat threatens to close in on itself, because his voice is warm-hearted when he tells you, “no, thank you for reaching out first.” and as much as he finds it difficult to express himself, his next words spill out easily. “sorry i didn’t do it first…it must have been hard for you all this time.”

and just like that, so comes the first of many owed apologies. it doesn’t matter that you have to be awake in five hours to make it to your first lecture, nor that you don’t have a perfected script for all the things you want to apologise for. and it doesn’t matter that jongho is starting to feel cold sitting on the bathroom floor, nor that he can’t hold you like he wants to do. what does matter is that you’re both talking again.

as the night grows older, the conversation eventually flows away from raw confessions of your hearts to familiar topics of your mundane lives. it feels like the normal phone calls you used to have with the boys, except this time it’s only with jongho.

“what about you? have you been busy?”

you nod, even though he can’t see you over the call, “i’m trying to keep up with classes but it’s hard with all the assignments due soon.”

“yeah, i have another huge film project and it’s taking up all of my time, too,” he exhales, then tentatively asks, “what about…how’re things with johnny?”

it’s strangely exciting to clarify, “we actually broke up a few months ago.”

you can hear jongho’s sharp inhale even from over the phone. the conspiratorial tone of his voice painfully reminds you of wooyoung’s nosiness as jongho asks, “please tell me you broke up with him and not the other way round.”

“yes, i broke up with him,” you chuckle. “he talked shit about you guys the moment you all left, so i dumped him.”

“he deserved it,” he gleefully states.

“only i get to mess with my friends…literally.”

the joke is at the expense of yourself, but it feels uplifting to be able to start laughing about it now that you have started making amends, even if it is only with one person so far. knowing you have somebody on your side makes all the difference in the world.

“it’s actually sort of funny you say that,” jongho muses over the phone. “remember that truth or dare question? the one about choosing between love and friendship?”

you hum in affirmation, “san and i picked love.”

“and look at you, picking us over johnny,” he teases.

huffily, you banter, “picked you guys even though you all left me.”

there’s the tinkle of laughter from over the receiver, but it’s cut short by a faint knock. you hear jongho murmuring to somebody before his voice becomes audible again, “hey, sorry, i need to go now. someone needs to use the bathroom.”

you resist the urge to ask why he’s even there in the first place, but you just tell him that it’s okay, considering how late the time is anyway.

“i’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“yeah, tomorrow,” you affirm. the wide smile on your face makes your cheeks ache as you grip the phone to your ear and wait for him to hang up. you hear the sound of rustling as he stands up and turns the doorknob, then there’s a voice in the background asking, “is that y/n?”

but before you can try to discern who the voice belongs to, the call ends. you don’t let the slight disappointment dampen your spirits though and you fall back to lie on top of your bed. jongho’s last words to you have made you feel like a giddy teenager– tomorrow feels too far away.

but his words before his last words also make you feel like a teenager. only it’s not giddiness but the uncertainty and confusion that comes with adolescence as you try to navigate and understand your own feelings about something. in the face of the situation, had you truly chosen friendship over love contrary to your own expectations?

it makes sense at first to think that’s what has happened, but you’re suddenly reminded of haneul’s words– that there is more to your heartache and regret than just feeling like you have lost your closest friends, and that you need to figure out your own feelings before talking to the boys. if you have stood by your own values and chosen love over friendship, then that means…the heartbreak that you feel is grief not for lost friendship, but loss of your first loves– because you are in love with all of them.

that spark of feelings that had remained for the boys had never become fully extinguished. when you agreed to date johnny, perhaps it was only because he had reminded you of them and you had mistaken the flutters in your stomach for romantic attraction to him. and so, left unattended, that very spark has now flourished into a wildfire that can no longer be controlled, neither can it be contained– it’s time for you to talk to them.

you pick up your phone again and send out a message, this time with no hesitation. it reads, ‘i need your help’.

and the reply is immediate.

anything you need

it’s the first day of winter when you arrive in seoul.

you get off the express bus at the terminal with both hands empty and only the bag on your back; you don’t plan on staying for long so you didn’t bring much with you. immediately, your breath fogs up in the frigid air and you nestle more snugly into the warmth of your coat. there’s a reasonable crowd of people at the terminal, so you crane your neck in search of jongho’s familiar tuft of brown hair, who had offered to pick you up knowing that this was your first time travelling up to seoul.

the last text he had sent told you that he had arrived and was waiting for you at terminal six. as you make your way closer, eyes squinting to discern whether you are seeing things correctly, you think you’re able to make out jongho’s side profile leaning against a brick wall.

except, he’s not alone. your footsteps start to falter because seonghwa is also there. ironically, he’s the one who spots you from afar. he pushes himself away from the wall and turns his body towards you as jongho questions whether he has spotted you.

ever since the night he had overheard the younger on a phone call with you, seonghwa has been aching to make things right with you again. he had been afraid that you would want nothing to do with them anymore and that you would slip away from their fingers just like that. but here you are in seoul, just a mere distance away from him.

seonghwa’s eyes start to water and your expression crumples almost immediately with his when he opens his arms with an offer of an embrace. his feet rush to close the distance when you throw yourself into his chest, the cashmere of his coat rubbing softly against your cheek.

“i’m sorry, hwa” you murmur.

“i know,” he whispers, stroking the back of your head, “me too.”

jongho silently watches with a small smile and allows you both to have your moment of reconciliation with each other. as you breathe in the comfortingly familiar scent of seonghwa’s cologne, you gesture for the other to come closer so that you can pull him into a group hug. and here, surrounded by both of them, despite there being several other things you want to say– poems of apologies and ballads of confessions– for now, this is more than enough.

seonghwa is the first to pull away suddenly as if he has been electrocuted. “hang on, are you and johnny still…” he trails off.

despite the snort of amusement that leaves you, you’re touched by his thoughtfulness to maintain respectful boundaries. “don’t worry, we broke up,” you reassure him, then you jokingly turn to jongho with an incredulous look. “you told him i was coming up to seoul, but didn’t tell him that johnny’s my ex now?”

he rolls his eyes good-naturedly, “that wasn’t in my place to reveal. plus, seonghwa was the one who looked over my shoulder and saw your text asking for my help.”

said man pretends to walk away innocently. you and jongho laugh, trailing after him towards the carpark as you ask, “what was he doing in your dorm anyway?”

“he crashed for the night. our dorm’s close to his workplace.”

when you reach their parked car, seonghwa tugs the passenger door open, but instead of hopping in he gestures for you to go first. you indulge in his chivalry with a chuckle, even more so when he places a hand along the top of the door frame in case you bump into it.

“thanks, hwa,” you say sweetly, shuffling in further when he scoots in after you and leaves jongho alone to sit at the front of the car.

“great, not even ten minutes of making up with each other and i’ve already become the third wheel,” jongho grumbles as he turns the ignition on.

despite the huffiness in his voice, jongho’s heart sings with happiness to see you and seonghwa already getting along like normal. he is willing to be the third wheel– even the ninth wheel– if it means that you and his boys can shine together every day. but for that to happen, it all rests on how the next hour unfolds.

“ready to go?” jongho asks, eyeing you from the rearview mirror.

are you? are you ready to talk to all of the boys at the same time? seonghwa gives your hand a gentle squeeze, and jongho nods at you reassuringly from the front; you’re not going into this alone anymore. you nod, “i’m ready.”

the drive takes less than thirty minutes and before you know it, you’re standing right outside the door to jongho’s shared dorm with wooyoung and hongjoong. jongho swipes and unlocks the door with his access card, however makes no move to push the door open. the fact that neither of the boys say anything to rush you spurs you on with enough determination to enter the dorm. the volume of their chatter increases immediately without the barrier of the door, and you take slow, hesitant steps along the short hallway towards the direction of the sound.

you appreciate when jongho takes the lead to subtly show you where to go but it still feels like you are intruding– which, you technically are, considering two out of three people who live here don’t know that you’re in the dorm right now. rounding the corner of the hallway, you discover that it leads straight to the living room where all of the boys currently are. so it’s fucking awkward when the sight of you emerging completely kills the conversation and a collective hush settles over the room.

you have to fight everything within you not to turn on your heel and just flee, because nothing has prepared you for their initial reaction. you hate the fact that you cannot tell whether the shocked expressions on yunho and yeosang’s faces are ones of delight or displeasure. you hate the way that wooyoung and hongjoong’s bodies tense and become guarded, ready to tell you to leave their dorm. but more than anything, you hate the way that san and mingi cannot even look at you.

“holy shit,” yunho whispers.

that’s enough to set off the others and hongjoong angrily questions, “what the fuck is she doing here?”

wooyoung looks at jongho, “is this why you told everyone to come over?”

you defend, “i was the one who asked jongho for help.”

“i wasn’t talking to you–”

you cut wooyoung off, contrary to your next words, “can you just shut the fuck up for once? i’m not here to start another fight. just–hear me out, please. i’ll leave as soon as i say what i need to.”

he glares at you and everybody holds their breath as they steel themselves for another full-blown argument. but wooyoung does as you ask and folds his arms angrily. nobody speaks, waiting for you to talk as you finally put your bag down and sit a safe distance away.

you close your eyes and take a breath to compose yourself. you refuse to let yourself cry this time. you’ve done plenty of that in the last few months and you have finally come to terms with your own feelings. “i…i’m sorry,” you start.

somebody scoffs, but you ignore it and let the words from your heart take over. “i’m sorry for being such an asshole over the summer–for letting my ex get in between us and for ignoring all the times you told me he wasn’t a good guy. i shouldn’t have assumed that you were all okay with me bringing him along whenever we hung out and i should have asked before inviting him to the campfire. that was something special for us and it was selfish of me to do that.

“in particular, i’m sorry for how that night went down. i know it doesn’t excuse what i did, but i had an argument with hongjoong earlier that day and i was feeling strung tight. i wish i had handled the situation better when i felt confronted about bringing johnny along, and i acknowledge that the words i said can’t be taken back, even if i didn’t mean them.”

nobody needs reminding of the words that you are referring to, because it has sat just as heavily in their hearts as it has your own. the sight of mingi ducking his head down even further has your heart clenching painfully.

even if he isn’t looking, you apologise to him directly, “mingi, i’m sorry we never got to finish our talk. i know that you were going through a hard time and that that trip was meant to be something healing for you–for all of you. namhae was meant to be an escape, but it probably didn’t feel that way…because of me. i mean it when i say you’ll always have a home in namhae and i hope that one day, you’ll be able to trust me on that. in fact, i hope that you all know that namhae is not the same without either one of you boys.”

you hesitate, because not even jongho knows about what you’re going to say next. you avert your gaze to focus on the carpet just in front of you so that you don’t have to see their expressions. “it’s taken this fight–almost losing all of you–and breaking up with my ex to realise just how stupid and blind i am to my own feelings. i always thought i would be happy with just being friends…but you are all so, so much more to me than just friends and ‘whoever’. i think i’m in love with all of you and i know it’s unconventional, but…i guess love has no limits.

“but i’m also going to be honest. i’m still hurt by the things some of you said or did. it hurt that some of you criticised my decisions without thinking about how that might have made me feel. and i know it wasn’t your intention to, but i felt like i was being backed into a corner multiple times when you kept repeating the same things over and over again about my ex without any real constructiveness to your words.

“i don’t expect you to apologise right now, nor accept my apology, and i don’t expect any of you to respond to my confession. i want you all to have enough time to work out your own feelings…if you want to. if you find it in your heart to forgive me and if you want to apologise, pursue friendship again or…maybe something more, then come to namhae and tell me in person.”

there’s half a year left until summer, and as much as things can change in six months, you also hope that this gives you and the boys time to work out what you all truly want from one another– be it friendship or love. nobody moves or says anything, trying to process everything you have said so you decide to leave them to it, having done your part. you make a move to stand and sling your bag onto your back.

“you’re leaving already? where are you going?” yeosang abruptly asks, standing as well.

“back to namhae,” you explain. “i booked a return ticket for the same day.”

san frowns and for the first time since you arrived, he looks at you. “you came all the way here…just to talk to us for half an hour?”

you give him a bittersweet smile, “that’s how important this is to me–how important you all are to me.”

he looks away, unable to hold your gaze. you turn to jongho to ask if he is still happy to drop you back off at the terminal, who nods and begins to pull on his puffer jacket.

“wait,” yeosang calls out. he skitters off down the corridor, socked feet pattering against the floor as he grabs something from his bedroom and hurries back in front of you. “here.”

he has a thick scarf that he holds out for you to take, but as you start to reach for it, he changes his mind. you hold your breath as yeosang carefully reaches over your head to drape the scarf around you. with tender hands, he wraps it around your neck before securing it with a knot. he continues to fiddle with the ends of the scarf and you’re starting to wonder why he is hesitating when he looks at you shyly and mumbles something under his breath. before you can make a noise of confusion, he darts off once again back into his room. seonghwa cannot help but smile fondly, because even if he is unable to hear what the other said either, he knows what yeosang means purely by his actions.

you’re accompanied out of the door by jongho minutes later, carrying a plastic bag of snacks and drinks from their dorm that seonghwa has rushed to put together for you to have on your way back. when you’re in the car, you also find a pair of black gloves in the pocket of your coat. you have no idea who put it there, but the sentiment of one of the boys trying to ensure you are not cold is enough to fill your entire body with warmth.

you may have arrived in seoul with both hands empty and only the bag on your back, but you leave seoul with their quiet acts of apologies and forgiveness on your hands, neck, and in the plastic bag sitting on your lap as your bus pulls away back to namhae.

a lot can change in six months, but a lot can also stay the same. it all balances on the peak of the fulcrum, waiting to teeter either way as summer arrives.

you’ve kept in touch with jongho and seonghwa, so you haven’t been left in the dark anxiously wondering whether they will be returning to namhae or not. but even with their arrival, the uncertainty remains as to which way the scale has– or will tip.

so you don’t walk out to greet them when you hear the resounding slam of shutting doors and the low hum of exchanged conversation, because you don't know whether the other boys want to see you or not. plus, there’s something embarrassing about seeing them for the first time after apologising, much less confessing to them without any certainty as to their feelings, and much much less to eight people at once. you’re doing a pretty good job at hiding and pretending you are completely oblivious to their arrival in namhae.

that is, until mingi knocks on your door. mingi feels like he’s fourteen again, knocking on yunho’s door and crossing his fingers hoping to god that it’s his friend who opens it and not his parents, because mingi feels embarrassed asking them every day if yunho can come out to play. this time, though, mingi’s nervous because it’s you and he’s nervous because six months is a long time where feelings can change. he hopes that yours are still the same.

you’re greeted by a shock of platinum white hair when you open your door and you realise it’s mingi with freshly bleached hair. it looks good– a little too good– and you have to force yourself to peel your eyes away. except your eyes travel down involuntarily to the contrasting black of his tank top, which is at least two sizes too large and dips down dangerously to reveal the shadows of his chest. you’re down bad, and it’s only been ten seconds since you’ve laid eyes on him since seoul.

mingi is looking at you amusedly when you finally lock eyes with him and he seems to stand a little straighter with confidence. he beckons with a gentle tilt of his head, “come surf with us?”

the casualness of his invite throws you off and you wonder if you’ve somehow missed the memo that he’s forgiven you. “you’re all okay with me coming?” you blink confusedly.

“the others can speak for themselves,” he puts it plainly, but then smiles, “i want you to come, though. it’s not the same without you. plus,” his voice mellows out earnestly, “someone’s gotta welcome me home, don’t you think?”

home. home is where the heart is, and for mingi, regardless of the arguments and fights, his heart will always be with the boys and you. because in anger, hurt and love, there is always forgiveness, and mingi has forgiven you.

shyly, you return his smile, “i’ll go get changed, then?”

“is that an invite inside?” mingi leans against the doorframe with faux coyness that manages to make the rounds of your cheeks heat up. you shove him back lightly with a laugh, trying to ignore the firmness of his chest under your touch.

he grins boyishly, utterly pleased with himself, but steps back so you can close the door. “take your time,” he reassures. “i’ll wait for you.”

and he does, just so that you don’t have to walk alone to join the rest of the group. even after you have thrown on a swimsuit and slathered yourself with sunscreen as best as you can, mingi is still outside and yunho has also joined him– you know because you can hear them talking as you search for your house keys in the hallway.

“what if it’s too late?” yunho asks.

“you don’t know that, not until you try,” mingi replies. “here, a kiss for good luck.”

you have no idea what the context for this conversation is, but it suddenly strikes you that apart from mingi, you’ve never discussed sexual orientation with the boys. you may have asked them to consider you romantically, but you can’t say for sure if they even like girls. from what you know, none of them have dated before, and now you’re suddenly wondering whether any of the boys are dating within the group. mingi and yunho are certainly a possibility.

but regardless, you realise this is probably not something you should be discovering by overhearing a conversation, so you deliberately drop your keys to alert them of your presence and wait a couple more seconds before you open your front door.

for the second time of the day, you’re absolutely floored. yunho has dyed his hair an ash grey and it falls over his forehead and down the nape of his neck in messy locks. there must have been a fucking enticing buy-one-get-one-free deal, because he’s also wearing a black tank top much like mingi’s, except his is form-fitting and putting every damned muscle of his upper body on glorified display.

not that you’re complaining. but it’s also very distracting when you’re trying to focus on what mingi is saying as you all make your way down the beach towards the shore, their surfboards hiked against their hips.

“you guys go ahead, i think jongho’s calling for me,” mingi suddenly announces before darting off.

you’re left alone with yunho, and from the back of jongho’s head who most definitely doesn’t even know you three have joined the group, mingi’s plan to slip away has succeeded.

“um,” yunho hesitantly starts, “do you want to try paddling out on my board? i’ll stay close.”

the last time you had attempted anything on his shortboard, you had flipped over and swallowed several mouthfuls of salt water. although you’re not particularly keen on repeating the experience, some things don’t need to be spelt out– the reason for his offer. only one foot is needed to push a bicycle into motion, but two feet are needed to keep it in motion. so you nod and let him drag his surfboard towards the shallow waters for you.

as you trail beside him, seonghwa and jongho greet you enthusiastically on their own boards out in the horizon. yeosang waves too from further down the shore and you lose some of the tension in your shoulders when you know that the intention behind his scarf was not misinterpreted. only san and wooyoung do not directly acknowledge your presence, but unbeknownst to you, the younger is carefully observing your interactions with the others.

“here,” yunho says, garnering your attention.

he holds the surfboard steady in the water, waiting for you to lie on top. his hands stay even after you gingerly shift and balance your weight onto your front. with his guidance, you slowly paddle out past the rush of whitewater waves. yunho is barely waist-deep in the water so he easily manoeuvres you and the board as you try to recall the familiar motion of paddling against incoming swells. but both of you know that you’re not really trying to paddle and he’s not really watching for mistakes.

eventually, you languidly let the waters caress your body as you still, letting the slight waves gently rock your surfboard. one of yunho’s arms have shifted over your back to support the opposite side of the surfboard and your body tingles whenever his forearm brushes over you. his other hand rests near your own, your fingers grazing together whenever the board dances over a swell.

it is within the serenity and solitude of the ocean, and the warmth and proximity of each other’s presence that the conversation happens. yunho apologises and you forgive. it occurs as simply as that, because actions speak louder than words and you have already shared a library of novels with your bodies.

from afar, wooyoung’s internal debate continues to teeter on its fulcrum as he watches the moment you share with yunho. wooyoung may be fast to talk, but he is also keen to observe. he sees the glow of relief and happiness returning to the faces of the boys. what he said to you summers ago still stands true– you make the boys happy and it’s obvious they make you happy too. and all wooyoung has ever wanted is to protect the smile of his loved ones, including you.

the radiance of the smile you give when yunho pretends to flip your surfboard over reminds wooyoung of his failure to do just that. in his blindness for the others, he had sacrificed your smile. the scale teeters over the fulcrum and he follows the momentum of his heart to wade out into the waters where you two still are, his apology ready to spill out.

and so you discover that a lot can change in six months, but a lot can also change in one day. with each relationship that stitches back together, rips now reinforced and sturdier than before, namhae almost feels the same again– summer almost feels the same again. you may still have the two hardest conversations left to be resolved, but if more time is what they need, then you are willing to wait for san and–

yunho and wooyoung scramble to steady your surfboard before you actually tip over when you suddenly move to kneel, head whipping around to confirm your fears. you hadn’t initially noticed as the boys had been scattered, intermittently ducking back into the house, but your heart sinks as you count the number of heads again. you’re unable to fight off the dread in your voice when you dare to ask, “where’s hongjoong?”

yunho’s eyes don’t meet yours and wooyoung’s mouth thins out tightly before he cautiously answers you, “he didn’t come.”

san likes to think that he’s patient. ever since he was young, his father had made sure to raise him to wait. wait for elders to eat before picking up his own chopsticks; wait for others to walk through the door before he enters; wait for others to choose their preference before he picks his. and san likes to think that he has diligently applied this principle to his relationships too. wait to understand someone before criticising; wait for his own anger to subside before talking; wait to reflect on his own wrongs before expecting an apology.

but right now, san is impatient. he catches glimpses of the sweet messages you send jongho and seonghwa and the joyous cackles you share with wooyoung when you prank yeosang. he notices the way yunho and mingi are attached to your hips, and san wants all of that and more. he wants to tell you he’s forgiven you and that he’s sorry too; he wants to cup your cheeks and thumb away the phantom tears he caused; he wants to love you.

but his body is acting as if it’s an entirely separate entity from his heart. he’s unable to approach you, even as he watches everyone else do what he wants to and it frustrates him to no end. and it’s as if the gods themselves also became impatient with his pathetic attempts– or lack thereof– because they drop the perfect opportunity right in front of him.

a quick look at his phone tells san that he’s been tossing on the couch for the last two hours. sleep fails to take over, so he hauls himself up and pads softly towards the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. he stares out of the window above the sink, where he can just see the stretch of beach towards the right. the moon shines brightly tonight and the rays decorate the sand and sea foam with dreamy tranquillity.

there’s a quiet rustle above the stillness of the night. when san turns around, his heart immediately clenches at the sight. you’re sleepily rubbing the bleariness out of your eye as you shuffle your way into the kitchen. there’s a stray tuft of hair that san wants to reach out and smooth down for you, but he opts to grip his glass of water tighter.

you startle, not having expected someone to be awake and most definitely not san. you had stayed over late into the night watching a movie marathon with the boys, and despite your protests, they had convinced you to crash in haneul’s room. tension doesn’t exist between you and the boys anymore, only awkwardness with san and…avoidance with hongjoong.

“couldn’t sleep?” you murmur, voice unguarded and still thick with sleep.

san shakes his head, “you?”

“got thirsty,” you explain, grabbing a glass from under the counter.

he hums at your answer and then it grows silent again. it’s only after you drowsily blink at him that he realises why you’re not making a move to get water– he’s still standing in front of the sink. san starts to step out of the way but thinks better of it. reaching out to grab your glass, he fills it up with water and then returns it to you.

“thanks, sannie.”

it doesn’t register in your head that the nickname has slipped out. for him, though, it echoes and ricochets in the very caverns of his ribcage. hesitantly, he mutters, “you’re welcome, pipsqueak.”

it tugs a smile out of your lips. “haven’t heard that in a while,” you muse. “kind of miss it.”

and i miss you. san is impatient, and he finally decides that he cannot take it anymore. “i’m sorry, y/n,” he whispers. “i know how badly i hurt you.”

the haze in your eyes immediately fades away at his words and he takes it as a good sign to continue. “i’ll be honest. i hated that the person next to you as your boyfriend wasn’t one of us–wasn’t me, because it didn’t look like he was making you happy at all. and that day you were out working in the field? some of us actually ran into johnny.”

you acknowledge sadly, “seonghwa told me what happened. i’m sorry he was like that.”

“that’s not on you to apologise,” san refutes. “i was the one who asked the boys to keep it from you until we could properly talk after the campfire night, but along with everything that had led up to that point, all my frustrations accumulated without even realising it.”

“i guess that makes the two of us, then. there were arguments you and i both weren’t aware of, and we ended up being the last straw for each other,” you chuckle wryly.

his voice wavers, “i’m meant to be the one person who is always there for you, but i made it feel like you were pitted against the eight of us instead and i’m so sorry for doing that. it should never have been me against you, nor us boys against you. it should have been all nine of us against the problem.”

you can’t help but take the opportunity to tease lightly, “are you calling my ex the problem?”

“exactly that,” he deadpans. “we all did.”

you nod, “thank you for trying to let me know, even when i didn’t listen.”

“no, i’m sorry we didn’t explain ourselves more clearly–or earlier.”

“but you have now, and i understand,” you reassure.

he nods gratefully before hesitating, “there’s something else behind all this that i can’t tell you yet, not without the others here. but when things are…okay with hongjoong again, that’s when we’ll tell you.”

something about his promise tells you that it has to do with the other part of the conversation everyone has been skirting around so far– your confession. faint memories of the interactions observed between the boys last summer and the brief exchange you overheard between yunho and mingi flicker across your mind.

perhaps you should steel yourself for rejection. you don’t dwell on it, though. this may have been the first time your friendship with san had been so close to shattering, but you know that it will take more than the entire universe to completely break you apart; you still trust him– because before it was the nine of you, it was you and san against the world.

“then are we okay now?” you ask, needing the confirmation.

“yeah,” he smiles breathlessly, “more than okay.”

the caverns of san’s dimples– the ones you love so much– shyly peek out to greet you in the faint glow of the moonlight coming in from the window. he reaches out silently and you understand immediately. you intertwine your fingers together.

san wants to ask you to go to bed with him. not to do anything sexual, but to simply hold you against his chest; trace the curve of your nose; wake up to your sleepy smile in the morning. but he can’t, not yet. not until you’ve worked things out with hongjoong, and not until you’ve had a talk together– all nine of you.

he settles for tugging you in the direction of haneul’s bedroom, hand never letting go of yours as he softly ushers, “let me tuck you back into bed.”

and so fifteen years after your first day of summer in namhae, you find that summer still takes the form of a sweet, dimpled boy who loves the sea and holding hands.

your instinctive reaction is to shut the door in hongjoong’s face.

when seonghwa had texted you asking you to open your front door, you had been expecting said man for obvious reasons. so when you pull the door open and see kim fucking hongjoong at your doorstep in fucking namhae instead, of course you slam the door shut. because why the fuck is he here?

“oh shit,” you curse, when it registers in your brain.

hongjoong is here and you’ve just shut the door in his face. if you had even an ounce of collectedness in you, you would realise that the boys�� initial and very much candid reaction of shock to seeing you randomly show up at their dorm in seoul is suddenly very relatable. you yank the door open again.

“sure, why don’t you just go ahead and punch me in the fucking face too,” hongjoong scowls.

immediately, you furrow your eyebrows, “well, if you’re offering…”

“oh, fuck off,” he raises his middle finger at you.

you raise both middle fingers in retaliation, “yeah, back into my house that you’re standing in front of.”

“for god’s sake–kim hongjoong!” seonghwa hisses in exasperation, head poking out of san’s door as he eavesdrops to make sure this exact thing doesn’t happen. “you’re here to apologise!”

hongjoong appears rightfully berated, then he looks at anything but you as he huffs, “can i come in?”

“depends,” you cross your arms defiantly. “are you going to try and kick me out?”

despite the prickliness of the conversation, it almost feels right in a sense. as if there’s no real heat behind your words and you two are back to the easy banter you used to have– before your near-kiss with him. this time, though, seonghwa hisses your name in frustration.

“geez! okay!” you fluster as you step back and open the door wider, letting hongjoong in and away from the prying ears of the older.

you sit tentatively on your couch and he mirrors you, scratching the back of his neck as he perches himself on the edge. it’s awkward and tense when it becomes apparent to the both of you that you’re alone. “i didn’t think you would come,” you break the silence.

he hums softly, “me neither.”

you don’t know how to respond so you don’t, allowing the quiet to settle over your living room once more. eventually, hongjong opens his mouth quietly, “i was–am ashamed of myself.”

you’ve been there before– on the other side of the conversation as the one doing the apologising. you know how difficult it is to be honest about your own emotions, particularly the negative ones, so you wait patiently for him to find the right words.

“i’ve been ashamed ever since the night i tried to kiss you. i was a coward and i did nothing to change it. i only ended up hurting you and i’ve regretted it every single day. i think about why i didn’t talk to you afterwards, why i said those things about you and your ex…why i didn’t just kiss you.”

you can’t help but inhale sharply at his confession, because that can only mean one thing.

hongjoong gathers the courage to look at you as he admits, “i did like you. i still do. but i was an idiot and thought that i was doing the best thing for everybody. i shouldn’t have made that choice for you nor tried to have a say in your love life. i was jealous and i know now how toxic i was being, which is why i was so stubborn about not coming to namhae because i didn’t think my apology would be good enough. so i’m sorry for all the things i said and did, but i’m also sorry that it took me this long to talk to you.”

he looks so uncharacteristically unsure of himself as he timidly asks, “will you forgive me?”

there’s not a moment of hesitation before you’re closing the gap between the two of you on the couch so that you can wrap your arms around him. and in a rare display of vulnerability, he tucks his face into the crook of your neck. you comfort, “i forgive you. there are a lot of things i’m ashamed of doing too. but we all make mistakes and that’s what helps us to grow.”

“you still like me?” he mumbles into your neck.

you laugh at the ticklish feeling, “very much so, hongjoong.” because in forgiveness there is love, and you have years of owed love to show the boys.

only when your sides become cramped and your necks become stiff do you finally pull away from each other. as you make eye contact with him though, you’re suddenly reminded of his confession. you know that you will need to have another talk with hongjoong about it, and you still don’t know where the other boys stand in terms of pursuing something romantic with you, but that will be for later. right now, you are content and at peace– the nine of you against the world once more.

“let’s go find the rest of the boys?” you ask.

he grins, holding a hand out to pull you up with him as he answers, “let’s go.”

just as hongjoong puts on his shoes by the doorway, he distractedly questions, “why are these here?”

you frown and follow his line of sight, settling on the top of the cabinet in your hallway where a pair of gloves sit– the ones you had discovered in your coat on your way back to namhae. “you know who they belong to?”

“yeah,” he nods, absentmindedly touching them before walking out the door. “i bought them last year, but they were too big so i gave them to san.”

it was san who hid them in your coat.

you numbly follow his steps outside where the boys have gathered in waiting and are sitting side by side on the embankment, facing the ocean. they are simply living in the moment, basking in the golden rays of sunlight and the warm touch of the person by their side– an arm around a waist; a head on a shoulder. you almost don’t want to disturb them, but you know the seven of them are not complete. not without hongjoong, and not without you.

and as your gaze meets san who smiles at the both of you, his chest swelling with relief, pride and love, you realise that san had bared his heart out to you long before you even knew.

once you fall back into routine with them, it starts to become obvious. the way the boys naturally gravitate towards one another with doting gazes and lingering touches; the casual use of a pet name or flirtatious joke; the shifts in dynamic you had noticed before that seem to extend beyond friendship. it starts to make sense when you realise that that’s exactly the reason– no longer are their relationships purely based on platonic love, but romantic love.

it’s why yunho knocks his forehead against mingi’s just to see him smile, and why san pretends to grumble when wooyoung kisses his cheeks, only to give the younger a proper kiss mere seconds later. it’s why jongho never lets yeosang carry his own surfboard even if he’s just as strong, and it’s why seonghwa and hongjoong like to disappear into the shower together.

but the longer you mull over these interactions for, the more you realise that they don’t seem to be simply ‘paired off’. you notice how jongho refuses to be cuddled but will nestle against seonghwa when he’s tired, and how yunho and yeosang seek out each other’s company before bedtime. you notice how wooyoung squeezes hongjoong’s ass underwater to make him yelp, and how san and mingi are content to just sit together on their surfboards on the sand.

rather than a question of who is with who, it becomes a question of who isn’t with who, and this time, you also find yourself mixed into the equation. but it confuses you whenever they treat you the same and you find yourself holding back despite your feelings, because it’s much harder to tell what kind of love they’re giving you when you yourself yearn for the intimate type.

san notices the change in your demeanour, as small as it may be, and decides it’s time for the talk. so here the nine of you sit on the beach that stretches in front of your houses. the sand is still warm from the sun even as it starts to dip towards the horizon of the sea. yeosang’s jacket lays over your bare legs and a slight breeze tugs delicately at your clothes.

“okay, so who’s telling her?” yunho elbows wooyoung as soon as the words leave the latter’s lips.

“what? how else are we meant to start the conversation?” wooyoung complains before mocking, “the reason i have gathered you all here today–”

rolling your eyes, you cut to the chase, “are you all dating each other?”

wooyoung chokes on his own words and everybody else looks at you with wide eyes.

“how’d you know?” yeosang startles.

seonghwa agrees, “i didn’t think we were that obvious,” but when you simply raise an eyebrow in response, he’s quick to amend, “okay, maybe we were.”

san eyes the others to see if anyone wants to step in and lead the conversation, but when nobody does, he speaks up to explain, “we’ve been dating each other for just over a year now–so before last summer. it took a bit of time to work everything out, establish boundaries and communicate what we wanted from one another, but we’re happy like this.”

“once our relationship had settled down a little, that’s when i came out to my parents,” mingi adds, “which didn’t go down well. we wanted to tell you last summer too, but…other things happened and it all fell through before we could talk about it.”

yeosang meekly scratches the back of his neck as he says, “it’s long overdue, but we’re telling you now.”

the chuckle that comes out of you is light and carefree. “i’m happy for you guys,” you affirm sincerely. “i don’t think there’s anybody else who is more perfect for you guys than each other.”

you truly do. you’re thankful that they have one another and you finally understand how hard it must’ve been for san during your argument to pick a side. his boys were and are his priority and you cannot fault him for putting them first. but then you’re reminded of hongjoong and his confession. are the others aware of his feelings?

said man has the audacity to frown at you in confusion. “why does it sound like you’re just wishing us well?”

“am i not allowed to do that as your friend?” you mirror his expression.

“god,” hongjoong exhales. “do you think we’re telling you this just to reject you?”

“of all people to say that–rub it in my face, why don’t you,” you grumble.

he starts to grasp the situation as he looks at the rest of the boys, “wait, did nobody fucking confess to her apart from me?”

the explosion of responses to his question is immediate.

“you confessed–” “–i thought we agreed to confess together–” “–trust you to cut in line! that’s not fair!”

your eyes dart wildly from side to side, unsure of who to focus on as they all start to passionately talk over one another. at one point, someone tries to chuck a handful of sand in hongjoong’s direction, but it scatters innocuously before it can even get close.

“hold the fuck up,” you yell over the commotion. “confess what?”

“how did you figure out that we’re in a polyamorous relationship but not that the feelings extend to you as well?” yeosang judges you.

“i didn’t want to project my own feelings and misconstrue anything. plus, none of you have actually mentioned liking or dating girls before, so i just…”

“assumed we didn’t have feelings for you,” seonghwa concludes as you laugh awkwardly.

wooyoung deadpans, “we may have wanted to punch your ex in the face for his shitty-ass personality because we were your friends, but we were also jealous as fuck.”

“all of you?” you ask in disbelief.

“all of us. some of us were just better at hiding it,” mingi looks pointedly at the boy sitting on his left.

“you’re one to talk about hiding your feelings,” hongjoong counters before turning to you to expose, “mingi wouldn’t shut up about you after he met you.”

mingi immediately shoves him backwards into the sand.

“look,” jongho cuts in, “what we’re trying to say is that we’ve all liked you for a while now, and if you still feel the same way about us, then we’d like to take our relationship with you to the next step.”

how many times have you wanted this moment– for all of them to return your confession. but now that it’s actually becoming a reality, it’s honestly a little daunting. “you’re all serious about this?”

a lot will change over the next year. most of you will join hongjoong and seonghwa as postgraduates and start full-time work. san will move back to namhae, but whether the others will follow or stay in seoul is unknown. there are a lot of uncertainties regarding the future and the relationship will only work if everyone is serious about making it work.

yunho answers on everyone’s behalf, “we’re very serious.”

you take a moment to look at all of them one by one, only to find the same promise within their gazes– that even if things become difficult, they want to face it with you by their side.

it feels right when san is the one to officially ask the question, “y/n, will you be our girlfriend?”

like san once said, it’s hard to find friends you love, but it’s even harder to find a friend you fall in love with, and you’ve been blessed with not only one, but eight of these people. between friendship and love, you already know from experience what you will decide– so you make your choice.

“i forgot, are hongjoong and wooyoung coming down this weekend?” san pokes his head in through the doorway.

you eye him from the mirror, face void of expression to reply, “don’t count on it.”

san’s pout is immediate and you laugh, shuffling over to console your boyfriend from where you had been getting ready in your shared bathroom. he grumbles, “you’re never going to let me hear the end of that, are you?” but he can’t hide the way his lips pull upwards the moment you press a chaste kiss against his cheek in apology.

“hongjoong said that there were a couple of delays with filming, so he and wooyoung can’t step away just yet. but they’ll come back next saturday if they can wrap things up by then.”

as you talk, san takes the halter straps out of your grasp so that he can help secure your top around your neck. “it’s so hard to align everyone’s schedules together. i miss the long holiday breaks we got in college,” you absently complain, body relaxing under the ministrations of san’s hands as he gently squeezes the nape of your neck.

“me too, love,” another voice joins the conversation. seonghwa walks up to tenderly ruffle san’s hair and nuzzles your temple with his nose. “but we have to work hard to pay off this house and to spoil you with whatever you want.”

seonghwa has grown out his hair and has kept it long since, and you love running your fingers through his silken waves before he goes to work every morning. he always looks so soft and cosy with his round glasses and fluffy sweaters that you know his school kids adore just as much as you do. but right now, his face bare of makeup and hair pulled back into a messy updo, wearing nothing but a pair of board shorts to show off his upper build, he looks the complete opposite of what you’re used to seeing and you feel your stomach doing flips in response.

you lean into both of their touches as you giggle, “we could have bought a smaller house. nobody sleeps in their own bedroom anyway.”

“well can you really blame us for being madly in love,” seonghwa grins, stealing a kiss from you that only serves to elicit more giggling.

“that’s true. your beds are always warmer than mine,” you agree.

“exactly. now come on, are you ready to go?”

the three of you walk downstairs to the living room, where the rest of the boys are waiting around in various mismatches of shirts, tank tops or only shorts. after two weeks of attempting to keep everybody’s clothes separate once you’d all moved in together, they had simply given up and made their wardrobes communal.

as you drop a spare bottle of sunscreen into your tote bag, a pair of arms snake themselves around your waist. you turn around, sweet smile ready to greet whoever it is. your jaw drops, “wooyoung?”

his eyes sparkle with mischief, even more so when your eyes grow even wider at the sight of hongjoong perched on the edge of the couch in the background and you exclaim, “hongjoong? i thought you two weren’t coming until next week?”

wooyoung takes the opportunity of your dazed compliance to pull you into a bone-crushing hug. “we caught up with the schedule,” he exclaims happily. “you should’ve seen hongjoong though. director kim made sure to work us hard.”

you playfully wriggle yourself out of the vice-like hug you’re in to bound over to the older, who automatically opens his arms to welcome you. you slot easily between his legs and his hands rub the sides of your back fondly as he looks up to ask, “did you miss me?”

forgoing an answer, you lean down to kiss him. wooyoung immediately complains, “why didn’t i get a kiss?” so san pulls him in for one to appease him. you’d never be able to leave the house otherwise, because then everyone would start demanding your kisses. and considering that it has been a few long months since you last had quality time with all eight of them at the same time, there would be too many wanted kisses to count.

one thing you had all agreed on prior to buying a house in namhae was to ensure it had a beach front, just like your and san’s old home. so it doesn’t take long to carry your surfboards– save for you; the boys like it when you use theirs– and towels down to the shore.

you close your eyes, inhaling the familiar scent of salt and subtle feeling of ocean spray on your skin. it’s a bittersweet emotion, knowing that it’s already the last day of summer, but only today have the nine of you been able to align your schedules this year. it makes you appreciate these fleeting moments of rest though, and you learn to find rest in each other too.

some of the boys start slipping off their tops, dropping them onto the sand to keep them dry as they surf. you’ve found that the greatest perk of dating them is that you’re allowed to openly and unashamedly ogle at them. the rigid shadows of their muscles reveal the discipline and hard work they put into maintaining their bodies despite their busy jobs.

san had also been monitoring his protein intake leading up to his recent dance showcase, so it’s very hard to look at the expanse of his broad chest and prominent dip of abs down his hips without feeling a rush of heat in your lower stomach. if the boys know that you offer to help them reapply sunscreen just to get a little handsy with them, then nobody says anything. (they offer to help you reapply your sunscreen as well.)

you’re content to just lie down on your towel and watch the boys, yeosang in his usual place by your side as he presses lazy kisses to your shoulder and traces the names of his lovers onto the skin of your stomach. mingi starts dragging his surfboard into the water, but when wooyoung attempts to push him in instead– and fails miserably– all thoughts of surfing are quickly forgotten. it becomes an absolute shitshow when hongjoong gets mistaken for the culprit and mingi picks him up.

“it wasn’t me!” the older shrieks, but mingi has no ears for reasoning and prepares to drop him into the water. unwilling to go down by himself, hongjoong grips mingi’s neck at the last second and successfully drags him underwater with his weight. as wooyoung runs away absolutely delighted by the outcome, his trajectory unfortunately runs into jongho, who cuts off his cackles with a giggle, a simple shove sideways and a resultant splash.

not even bystanders can catch a break, and seonghwa screams for mercy as san and yunho suddenly grab his arms and legs. they sway him from side to side before letting him go with the momentum of the last swing to fling him into the ocean. everyone erupts into a united clamour of glee at the dunking of the eldest and you find yourself shaking your head at their unchanging antics.

you don’t think you can ever get tired of watching their radiant smiles of happiness and shared touches of sun-kissed skin, nor can you ever get tired of hearing their tinkling chimes of laughter and rowdy shouts of mischief. you may all grow older and there may not be as much time or luxury to simply bask in the joys of summer any longer; these golden hours that you are living in right now may forever remain as your sole memories when you reflect back on the essence of your youth.

on this day– the last day of summer in namhae– you find that summer takes the form of shared ice cream with sticky kisses, long showers with warm touches, and hushed pillow talk with synchronous heartbeats. but it doesn’t matter to you, not anymore.

the seasons will change and the years will pass, but so long as you are with your boys, every day will be summer.

#omg this was everything I needed and more #the amount of times this fic had me in tear shows how good it was lol #ateez fics #ateez x reader #ateez ot8 x reader

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shine-your-light · 11 months ago

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Thanks for the tag! This was so cute💞

soft love~

perhaps you love like a child, and that's alright. there's something so sweet and lovely about the way you care for others - perhaps you wish to be loved so freely like this as well; being loved loudly and hugely and wrapped up in someone's arms like it's just so natural - please keep your head up. i love you. please love yourself the same way.

Don’t really have anyone to tag just happy to be here lol😊

hello i made a uquiz :") ♡

come take it & reblog this post & tag some friends with your result !!!

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shine-your-light · 11 months ago

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Ahhhh how sweet!! Loved this so much!🥰🥹

pocket full of sunshine ; choi soobin

oh shit, we’re soulmates?! part one / five

pairing: soobin x afab!reader word count: 12.6k

synopsis: the last thing soobin expected was a stranger to sit beside him on the bus full of empty seats and clinging to his arm. due to a toxic ex, you beg soobin to come on vacation with you as your step in boyfriend for the week.

genre: fake relationship trope, soulmate!au, strangers to lovers, fluff, smut.

warnings: swearing, soobin and reader share a bed, alcohol, making out in public, dry humping, fingering, unprotected sex, MINORS DNI!

𖤓 soobin(1) | yeonjun(2) | beomgyu(3) | taehyun(4) | huening kai(5) 𖤓

Fake relationship trope? Are the fates fucking with him or could he simply just not read correctly?

Eighteen-year-old Soobin stared up at the acolyte standing before him, a massive smile on their face as they outstretched their arms, “The fates have spoken, my child!”

Utter bullshit.

Soobin has always been skeptical about this special moment all the adults growing up would talk about and be excited.

“It’s one of the best moments of your life!” “There is something so great knowing how you’d meet your soulmate!” “It’s one of the gods greatest gifts!”

And what god, exactly, decided to drop these “gifts” to everyone?

But he still couldn’t help but feel even the tiniest bit of excitement to see what this fated trope of his would be. And obviously, to his disappointment, it was utter bullshit. Fake relationship? Yeah right. What a fucking joke.

Or so he thought.

Now at the age of twenty-three, fate really has a way of continuing to fuck everything over. Because here you were, plopped next to him on this shady ass bus going Northbound into the city and hugging up on his arm.

Soobin tried to release from your tight grip, pulling the strings of his earphones to release the music blasting in his eardrums, and glared down at you, “Excuse me?”

“Please, just play along.” You quickly said, pleading with him with your eyes. And that’s when Soobin noticed how badly you were shaking.

Your eyes quickly whipped to the front of the bus, Soobin’s eyes following yours, a scoff released from his mouth following up with, “Ahh, I see.”

You squeeze his arm tighter, “Please,” you beg again, “I’ll explain later.”

Now what kind of guy would he be if he turned down someone so desperate?

So he forced his arm free and locked his hand with yours, rubbing his thumb over the top of your hand as he squeezed his fingers against yours, eyeing the man who now stood in front of the two of you.

“Guess you weren’t lying,” the dark hair male said, “That your new boyfriend was waiting on the bus for you.”’

And thank the gods it worked out.

In all honesty, you were afraid this little lie of yours wasn’t going to play out well. With your luck, you’d have a bus filled with old creepy guys and would have to make up another excuse. But thankfully your stars aligned and saw the perfect dark brown-haired male slumped in the seat and staring off into complete space. And thank whatever god was listening that he decided to play along.

“Of course, I’d be here waiting for her,” Soobin said with a sly grin, “Can’t let her take the bus into the city alone, what kind of gentleman does that?” Soobin then reaches across the seat with his free hand and cups your cheeks between his thumb and index finger, “Can’t let my sweet bunny go off all alone.”

Now you were the one glaring up at him as his stupid ass smug smirk grew ever wider. Did you make the right choice with this one? There were plenty of other cute guys with empty seats beside them you could have chosen.

You dug your grave and guess you gotta lay in it.

He finally released your face and stared back up at your ex, his eyes now narrowing, “And who are you? Sorry for my lack of manners, I just don’t recall who you are, exactly.”

The male let out a scoff, eyes darting to the floor, “Must really be over me, YN, if you aren’t even speaking about me.”

Ahhh, so this is what the situation is.

You roll your eyes and lean a bit forward, clenching the brown-haired male's hand tighter, “I’ve been telling you that since you started stalking me about the bus stations, Sungchan!”

Oh, so this guy is an asshole.

“You’re stalking my girlfriend?!” Soobin snapped, standing up quickly in the seat, you tried hard to pull him back down. You had to admit, he was playing this part perfectly.

Sungchan held his hands up in defense, “I wasn’t stalking her! I just happened to be walking past and noticed her. If I knew she had a boyfriend I wouldn’t have even made the stop.”

It took everything in Soobin to not roll his eyes and throw a punch. He actually hated this guy already. Like who the fuck give that as an excuse when it’s so clear he was stalking YN?

“Can the young man standing in the aisle please sit down for your safety.” the bus driver announced over the speakers.

You glanced out the window, seeing the bus was in full motion. You didn’t even realize it started moving.

Sungchan tucked his tongue into his cheek and nodded, “I don’t want to cause any trouble,” his eyes then whipped over to Soobin, “I am assuming you’re coming to the beach with us next week, ya?”

At this he fell silent, not knowing how to answer his question. How could he just say—

“Of course he is,” You shrugged, “There’s still that open spot from Chaewon backing out.”

Before Sungchan could open his mouth to speak, the bus driver once again was snapping at him to take a seat. So without another word, he moved to the back of the bus.

You relaxed into the seat, quickly pulling your hand out of the stranger’s, “Thank you for that,” you whispered, watching as he sat back down into the seat, his eyes studying you hard.

“I don’t know what kind of load of bullshit this is, but you’re awfully brave. I could have been a serial killer. Like Ghost Face type shit.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at the man, turning away to face forward, “I’ll explain everything to you at whatever stop you’re getting off at,” Soobin went to protest, but you stopped him, “I need to make my lie look believable. Sungchan is a very smart man, he probably already assumes what it was I was doing. So just let me get off at the next stop with you,” you looked down at the dusty and gross floor of the bus, “He isn’t going to get off this bus until we do, I can promise you that.”

Soobin wanted to snap at how this wasn’t his problem and a massive case of baggage that you need to clean out yourself. But when he looks at you…all he can see and feel is how badly your body was shaking earlier. So he sat back in the seat and stared out the window.

Thirty minutes of silence passed before Soobin flagged the driver to stop at the next upcoming bus stop. You quickly stood from the seat and let him move in front of you, leading the way. As he walked passed, he hooked his pinky finger with yours, pulling you along behind him.

You both could feel Sunchan’s glare as you stepped off the bus, not once turning around as the doors of the bus closed, and the sounds of it drifted off down the street.

Once the bus was no longer in view, Soobin dropped your pinky and shoved his hands into the pocket of his hoodie, “Want to explain yourself now, YN?”

Something about the way your name rolled off his tongue sent shivers down your spine, and you couldn’t decide if it was good or bad. You settled with a maybe both.

You sighed and looked up at him, seeing his cocoa eyes staring back, “That guy,” you started, breaking your gaze from him, “Is my toxic ex-boyfriend.”

“Well, yeah,” Soobin shrugged, “It was kind of obvious, wasn’t it?”

You nodded, “He and I broke up months ago, caught him cheating on me with one of our friends.”

Soobin hung his head low, closing his eyes, “I’m assuming that friend was…Chaewon? Wasn’t it?”

You hated how this male was able to piece together everything so quickly. You nod again, “As you can probably tell, my group of friends planned a vacation with each other to the beach last year. But found out he was cheating on me and welp, Chae dipped out after I discovered she was the other woman,” you cross your arms, letting a shrug form, “I wanted to back out too, but my best friend is still going and he begged me to go still.”

Soobin felt bad for you. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how terrible this all was affecting you. How terrible you must feel.

“I’m a hundred percent sure he was looking for me,” you twisted a piece of string hanging out of your tee shirt, “There’s no way he didn’t know I just got off work and was heading back home. I live near my place of work, I didn’t even need to get on the bus. But he was begging for me back and I panicked.”

Soobin believed you. Your shaking body still feeling fresh against his body, “I’m sorry this is happening to you, YN.”

You glanced back into his eyes, seeing the true apologetic gaze in them. You shrug again, “Thank you for playing along, I don’t know what I am going to do abou—“

An idea hit you just then. Soobin could see the gears turning in that brain of yours.

“No,” he laughed, waving you off before you could even speak, “Absolutely not!”

You walked up to him, being inches away from his face, standing right up on your tiptoes, “Please! It’s just for a week and you’ll never have to see me again!”

Soobin took a step back, needing to create that distance. His heart was racing, hands were shaking. You were literally asking him to be your fake boyfriend for a week. His trope rang in the back of his head, there’s no fucking way.

“You’re awfully brave asking a complete stranger you just met to be your fake boyfriend,” Soobin scrunched his nose, trying to play this off, “I’m not doing it.”

You were desperate, and you didn’t care how badly you looked it. This was the only way you could think to get Sungchan off your ass and finally get the hint that you DON’T want him anymore. So you pleaded with the man in front of you, “I know we just met, but I’ll repay you for this,” you stretched your hand out, him raising a brow at it, “Give me your phone. I’ll put my number in and if you decide to go, give me a call. We don’t leave for another four days.”

Soobin looked away into the distance at the setting sun. He couldn’t believe he was actually considering it.

Before he could stop himself, his hand was reaching into the pocket of his jeans, pulling his phone out, and placing it into your hands, “I’m not going to make any promises that you’d even hear from me.”

And that was enough for you, quickly creating your contact in his phone, “All I could ask for is you consider it.” He took his phone back from you, and you waved him goodbye, “Thanks again… uhhh??”

“Soobin,” he said, studying you as you walked backward away from him, “I’m Soobin.”

You smiled at him. A smile that shot right to his heart. He didn’t move from his spot until you disappeared from his sight.

“You what?!” your best friend snapped, brows creasing inward as he looked at you with pure disbelief.

All you could do was look at him, blankly blinking, “Hoon—“

“Let me get this straight,” Sunghoon said, leaning against the countertop in your shared kitchen, his face being dropped into his palms as his elbows turned red from being leaned on, “You ran into Sungchan, jumped onto a random bus and sat next to a complete stranger and begged him to be your fake boyfriend until you followed him to his stop and then begged him to continue the web of lies you dragged him into and then invited him to the vacation? YN that’s fucking stupid!”

Stupid was one word for it. You sat back in the chair, staring down at the marble of the countertop, “I was desperate. I didn’t even know what I was doing until the words were leaving my mouth.”

Sunghoon looked up at you and let out a sigh, “Did he even agree to go?”

You glanced over at your phone, still waiting for a call or shit—even a text from Soobin on whether he was going, or not. Sunghoon followed your gaze down to your cellular device and let out another sigh in response to his question.

It’s been two days since you’ve met Soobin. You couldn’t help the anxious feeling settling in your gut at the possibility of having to expose your lies once it’s time to meet at the beach house within the following days.

“YN, you need to be careful with your—“

“Please don’t bring up my given bullshit trope.”

You had to be honest, you didn’t believe in fate or tropes or whatever type of bullshit the gods “graced” the world with. Your trope, you’ve tried experimenting with multiple times and it’s gotten you nowhere. It doesn’t exist.

Sunghoon tilted his head, “I was just saying,” he leaned back in his chair, keeping his eyes locked on you, “You’ll believe in it once it happens for you.”

Your best friend had found his soulmate. She’s a cute girl, very witchy and into the occult things. Sunghoon calls her a hex girl and she calls him a bloodsucker. You never understood their dynamic, but they are cute, nevertheless. Their red string of fate tied them perfectly together. She also adores you and never once had a problem that her boyfriend’s roommate was a female and his best friend. Even with him having a soulmate, you still weren’t convinced. Mostly just for yourself.

��Speaking of,” you said, crossing your arms over your chest, “Why can’t __ come along?”

Sunghoon shrugged, “She has work. And since she took off when she and I went out to that cabin, she wasn’t able to take more time off.”

It made sense. You were lucky your boss even let you have the entire week off for the beach. It took a lot of convincing.

You stared at your phone again.

“Well,” Sunghoon said, standing from his seat, “I’m going to finish watching this Sci-Fi movie about this guy in space who gets his memory wiped.”

You raised a brow at him, “That’s an interesting-sounding movie.”

He nodded, “I’ve seen it multiple times before, can’t get enough of it!” he slapped his hand to the counter with excitement, “The movie is in a whole time loop! I won’t spoil too much.” He smiled wide, his natural fangs on display.

You looked at him with endearment. You truly loved Sunghoon and his geeky ways.

He gave you a knowing look, “Want to join me? We can restart it from the beginning,” You looked back at your phone, debating if you needed the distraction, “I’ll brush your hair.”

You jumped up from the seat and tossed your phone into your pocket, “Say less!”

Sunghoon followed behind you into the living room.

“Fucker!! I said COVER ME!” Beomgyu screamed through the headset, nearly making Soobin fling them off his head.

Kai’s laugh filled the headset right after, “Bro, I was covering you, I can’t help you decided to rush in and half the team was in there.”

Yeonjun sighed then, “Unlike you idiots, I’m playing it safe and staying on the high ground.”

“Sure,” Soobin rolled his eyes as he rushed into a building and unloaded his shotgun into the “half of team” that took out Beomgyu and Kai, taking down all of them, “If you want to call camping on a rooftop with a sniper playing safe, go ahead.”

Yeonjun scoffs, “I haven’t died—FUCK!”

Soobin smirked and the others laughed at the kill feed, seeing Yeonjun’s gamertag displayed at the top of it.

“Haven’t died yet? Right. Safe? Right.” Taehyun teased him, making more giggles fill the earpieces.

“Fuck you guys,” Yeonjun snapped, the sounds of his fingers smashing his keys in the hope of a faster respawn, “Gyu has no room to talk, homie is in a gaming unit and still has died more than the four of us combined.”

“I’m not playing for real,” Beomgyu countered, “This is all just fun and games, baby.”

“Then why bitch about Huening not covering you?” Taehyun countered back, “Sweats don’t yell like that when they are just having fun and games, baby.”

Beomgyu scoffed over the mic at his friends teasing, “Old habits die hard—KAI WHAT THE FUCK!”

“They sure die hard alright,” Yeonjun laughed.

“Anyway!” Beomgyu cleared his throat, “Shouldn’t we actually be discussing Soobin’s situation?”

“Oh, yeah!” Kai exclaimed, “Have you figured out what you’re going to do?”

Soobin shrugged as if his best friends could see, “I really haven’t decided.” The truth was, he hadn’t even really given it a lot of thought. Work has been killing him lately and even when he has thought about it, it was only for a short couple minutes then he shoved it back to the back of his brain. This wasn’t his problem to fix, you got yourself into that situation.

“I totally think you should go for it,” Kai said, rushing into another building and getting shot down immediately, “Damnit! But, who knows? Maybe this will be your soullllmmmaaaattteeee.” Kai teased.

Soobin couldn’t help but scoff, “My trope? It’s bullshit. Always has been.”

Soobin had plenty of fair share of fake relationships to help make exes jealous on both his and the other female’s side. Random hookups for the night to play along after a drunken night out partying. Never came out to anything. This was no different.

“Plus we don’t even know her trope,” Yeonjun added, “This very much could just be a normal “I got myself in a sticky situation, please help dig myself out” situation.”

None of Soobin’s friends believed in soulmates or their tropes. Every single one of them thought it was bullshit. Like the acolytes picked a trope out of a hat and called it a day.

“Well, all the soulmate bullshit aside,” Taehyun sighed, “It is a free trip. You wouldn’t have to pay for anything. Just literally show up and enjoy a free vacation.”

Soobin raised his brows and cocked his head to the side, “That is true. Unless YN slaps me with the bill at the end of the week.”

“Nah, I don’t think so,” Beomgyu said, using an emote as the round ended, “She told you she would repay you. I doubt she’d make Soobin pay up his half for a trip that wasn’t even his doing in the first place.”

Soobin sighed, rubbing his eyes with the pads of his middle and index fingers. This was a hard situation to deal with. Not only would he be missing out on a whole week's worth of work—which means less money in his bank account, he would be having to call out at the last minute AND be dealing with people he doesn’t even know all because you had to lie.

But then again—it would be a free vacation. Nothing would be coming out of Soobin’s pocket. He leaned back in his chair, staring at the loading screen as the game went into another round, his trope rushing through his mind. He couldn’t help but feel this was way too convenient. He bit at the corner of his lip, really putting thought into this.

“Don’t think too hard over there buddy,” Kai teased, “Just say YOLO and go. It won’t kill you to go hit up the beach for a week. Plus, she said you wouldn’t have to see her or her friends after that, it would be a win.”

Soobin nodded. He did truly feel sorry for you. Having to deal with Sungchan and even being put in that situation to begin with. Just thinking of Sungchan and what he did to you made Soobin’s blood boil. A smirk curled at his lips.

“You know what, Kai is right,” Soobin sat up straight, reaching for his phone, “You only live once.”

His friends had a mixture of words and cheers. Soobin pulled his headset down around his neck, found your number, and pressed the call button. He leaned back in his chair, biting at the skin on his cheek, waiting for you to answer.

After four rings, you picked up, “Hello?”

Hearing your voice put a smile on his face, and he couldn’t explain why, “YN, It’s Soobin.”

You weren’t sure what you were expecting when he offered to be the one to drive the two of you to the beach. But it sure the hell wasn’t what was currently in front of you.

Soobin parked as close as he could to your apartment. He stood outside, leaning up against the front end of his pretty fancy black SUV. His hands are in the pocket of his jean shorts and his head facing off into the distance with sunglasses resting against his nose.

Your heart skipped a beat. Why was this person you barely know making your heart flutter like this? He’s just standing here.

He finally turned his head, looking up at you and the corners of his lips curling upward, “You going to come down or do I have to drive to the beach without you?”

You returned his smile, “Chill out, I’m coming down!” You rushed down the stairs to see he now moved from his car to the foot of the stairs, hands reaching for your duffle bag. Normally you would have snapped your hand back to keep your stuff with you, but you let him take the bag. He took off to the side, another arm stretched out as you stepped down to the ground, his hand placed gently to your lower back as he gently moved you in front of him to walk towards his car.

“We have a three-hour drive, so there is still time to back out of this,” Soobin said, now removing his hand from your back and placing it on the passenger side door, “If you don’t want to do this, I am giving you that last chance to take your bag from me and go back into your apartment.”

You understood what he was doing. He was giving you a way out of having to deal with Sungchan altogether. The weight of that option was tempting, but you shook your head in a no, “Everything will be fine,” you didn’t know if you said that more for him or yourself, “Plus, Sunghoon already left for the beach. I’d be here alone and honestly, I need a vacation.”

Soobin nodded, opening the door for you, “Well, let’s hit the road then, princess.”

“Such a gentleman!” you teased as you climbed into the seat.

Soobin gave you a smirk and leaned into the car, “My mother raised me right, what can I say?”

After tossing your bag into the backseat alongside his, you both hit the road. You did have to admit, you were nervous. What if something goes wrong? Or everyone finds out about this lie you’ve conjured up? Sunghoon was the only one who knew the truth. But you were almost positive that Sungchan knew–or suspected–the truth.

Soobin could tell you were nervous. He could see it in your body language and the hint of your voice that was slower than what it was when you and him sat on the phone to discuss plans for this entire trip. He’s only known you for a short few days, but he felt he already knew parts of you that no one else did. And he couldn’t place why that was. So he reached across to the radio, turning up the music in the hope it would ease your nerves. And oh boy did it. You were able to sink back into the seat and focus on the music.

The three-hour drive wasn’t actually terrible. You and Soobin made only two stops, one for a bathroom break and snacks and the other for a quick lunch. Soobin also drove the entire time and wouldn’t give up the driver's seat no matter how many times you offered to drive. “I’m going on this trip for free. It’s the least I could do to make up for that part.” But did he forget you’re the one who owes him for even agreeing to this trip?

It wasn’t too much longer before the beach came into view. You couldn’t help but roll the window down and lean your head out, taking in the sights and smells of the ocean and the sand. The sounds of the waves crashing against the sand and birds chirping as they flew by. You don’t get to come out to the beach often, so when you do, you take in everything.

Soobin took his eyes off the road for a few short seconds to look at you then out to the ocean, “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

You nodded, “I can’t remember the last time I got to see this view.”

Soobin rolled down his window, letting the full sounds and smells fill the entire car. He leaned his elbow onto the edge of the window and propped his head into his palm, “The last time I was here probably had to be about two years ago? My friends and I all came for a day trip.”

You sat back in the seat and glanced over at him, loving the small smile he had on his face, “You’re a group of five right?” You thought back to the conversation you and Soobin had a few days ago about the trip, him fully admitting his friends helped push him into even coming along, “Pretty close?”

Soobin’s smile lifted more, “Close isn’t even the right word to describe what we all are. Brothers would be a more fitting term.”

Hearing Soobin talk about his friends reminded you of how you felt about Sunghoon. Close wasn’t even close to being the right word. Soobin was right about that.

Thinking about friends made the nervousness settle back into the pit of your stomach, “How are we going to pull this off?”

Soobin’s smile faded, “You’re still worried about that?” You nodded. How could you not be? “It’s just for the week, YN. Then you can make up some story on how you got rid of me and everything will go back to normal.”

All you could do was nod again, leaning your head back onto the headrest and staring off into the distance of the open sea. The truth was, you felt comfortable with Soobin so far, what if you want to keep him around as a friend by the end of this trip? Would he even be okay with that?

You could only hope.

Soon enough the beach house came into view and the cars of your friends piled up around the parking station around the house. You pointed out Sunghoon’s car and Soobin parked beside it.

Well, here goes nothing.

You and Soobin climbed out of the car at the same time, him already reaching for both your and his bags, carrying them over his shoulder.

Sunghoon was the first to pile out of the beach house, his arms stretched out wide as he ran towards you, “You guys finally made it!”

Your best friend's hug gripped you tight as if he hadn't hugged you in years, “Hoon, I saw you this morning!”

He finally pulled away, resting his hands on your shoulders, “I miss you all the time! Even when you’re right beside me!” You rolled your eyes at his separation anxiety he has towards you but still smiled anyway. You took notice his eyes were no longer on you, but locked onto Soobin who stood behind you, “That’s Soobin?” You nodded, a new fear prickling up your shine that maybe Sunghoon doesn’t approve of this even more, “He wasn’t what I was expecting.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, because what exactly was he expecting?

Sunghoon finally moved around you, reaching his hand out to Soobin, “Good to put a face to the name I’ve been hearing about lately.”

Soobin took his hand, assuming this guy was your roommate and best friend. Soobin smiled, “Same to you, Sunghoon.”

Sunghoon smirked and leaned closer to Soobin, becoming only a few inches away from his face, “I know about this whole situation,” Sunghoon’s voice dropped deeper and his eyes became serious. Soobin just stared back at him, locking his jaw tight, “While I didn’t agree with her even doing this, I am glad you decided to play along. But if you hurt her..”

Soobin forced a smirk of his own, “I don’t think you have to worry about that. I’m just here to piss off Sungchan.”

Sunghoon widens his eyes, “Ah! So you also hate the dirtbag?” Sunghoon took steps away from him and placed his hands on his shoulders, “Glad we are on the same page.”

You sighed, fanning yourself with your hands, “Can we go inside now? This summer heat is killing me!”

Sunghoon turned around and smiled at you, “Of course! But umm…I need to let you know something.”

You stared at your best friend, “Wha—“

The beach house door busted open and the voices of your friends had you turning around and smiling wide. Jake, Jay, Yunjin, Sakura, and Shotaro all shuffled out the door, immediately rushing to you.

“Where is this new boyfriend you never told us about?!?” they all asked in unison and then their eyes caught Soobin as he stood behind you, resting his hand on your lower back and introducing himself.

Your friends surrounded the two of you, complimenting how cute he was and how cute the two of you looked together. Even though this was all a lie and an act, you couldn’t stop the slight pink filling your cheeks.

“Oh!” Yunjin said, pulling her red locks behind her ears, “Sungchan…he…”

Before she could finish speaking, you saw what she was going to tell you, and saw what Sunghoon was going to tell you.

Sungchan stepped out of the house with Chaewon at his side.

You weren’t sure if pissed off would even be the correct emotion to describe how you were feeling right now staring at your ex-boyfriend and your ex-best friend.

“They showed up together,” Yunjin whispered, “We didn’t even know she was still coming. Apparently, he paid for her at the last minute.”

The last you heard, Chae wasn’t even speaking to any of us anymore, that included Sungchan, after the truth got out.

You didn’t speak to either of them as everyone pushed back into the beach house. It was a massive house, super cute and very beachy. Enough rooms to hold at least two people per room. And that’s how you got stuck sharing a bed with Soobin.

Chaewon piled in with Yunjin and Sakura, while Jake and Sunghoon shared a room, and Sungchan with Shotaro.

Plus Soobin and you were a “couple”, it really only made sense you’d have to share a room with him.

The first day was spent heading into town for food for the house and any beach toys or items that any of you all might need. The males took to the kitchen to cook the food that night, while you females sat outside on the sand watching as the sun set until dinner was ready. So far, everyone was getting along, even you and Chae to an extent, even if you two weren’t speaking.

Once night fell, you stood at the edge of the bed while Soobin climbed in and made himself comfortable, “I can always sleep on the couch,” he said with such calm, “If it would make you feel more comfortable.”

You quickly shook your head, “No! They would suspect something if you did, it’s just…” You haven’t shared a bed with another male since Sungchan.

Soobin didn’t need to hear you say it to understand what you were getting at. The scars Sungchan left from his betrayal ran deep within you.

Soobin smirked, deciding to try and make light, “I don’t bite, YN.”

You scoffed at him with a roll of your eyes, “Why did I invite you again?”

Soobin patted your side of the bed with his hand and scooted closer to the edge of his, giving you more space and without hesitation, you climbed in, “I’m here because you need me.”

You tried hard to not scoff again but failed. You wanted to fight him, but settled on, “Goodnight, fake boyfriend.”

Soobin was glad you were facing away from him so you couldn’t have seen the look on his face when hearing you say that. It pulled at him in ways he fought hard to push down. It made his trope push to the front parts of his brain in flashing bright letters. He flipped over to his stomach and squished his face into the pillow, using all his strength to push down the thoughts of his trope.

Tropes were stupid and didn’t exist. It was all fake. All fake.

He repeated those words over and over again until sleep finally took him.

The first couple of days went on like normal. On the second day of this vacation a storm hit, so everyone was forced to stay inside the house. Sunghoon brought his Nintendo Switch, so everyone took turns playing Smash Bros and Mario Kart. Soobin dominated everyone in both games. Come to find out, Soobin is very much a gamer and one of his friends is even in a unit. It was very interesting to you and made you want to learn even more about Soobin.

On day three, the sun and summer heat were back. You and your friends didn’t hesitate to jump into the water to cool off.

“Jake mentioned a bonfire tonight!” Sakura said, dipping herself down to your chin into the water, “I say we do it! We can go buy stuff for s’mores!”

“Alcohol too please!” Yunjin groaned, “I need it after how long my last few weeks have been!”

You agreed. What was a vacation without it? Plus it would calm your nerves about this whole Sungchan situation anyway.

You looked up to the sand, seeing how Sunghoon, Jake, and Jay seemed to have adopted Soobin into their little circle, tossing around a baseball, all four of them smiling. Your eyes drifted off closer to the house, Shotaro, Sungchan, and Chae stood around the picnic table and grill as Taro grilled the meat for lunch. Your eyes lingered on how close Sungchan and Chae were sitting together, Sungchan turning his head to look out into the water, making eye contact with you.

He shifted a bit closer to Chae and on instinct, you whipped your head in the other direction, “Soobin!” Sungchan shifted his gaze to Soobin as well.

Soobin looked away from the other three, giving you a smile that melted your heart, “What is it, my princess?!” he shouted back. You said nothing, just gave him a big smile and waved for him to join you in the water.

Soobin wasn’t stupid. He saw how close Sungchan was to Chaewon. Soobin could smell the bullshit from miles away. He knew Sungchan only invited Chaewon—or well, begged her—back on this trip all because of him. Sungchan trusted Shotaro with this information thinking he wasn’t going to slip it up to everyone else, especially Soobin.

“I tried to talk him out of it,” Taro had said, “He kept saying it was just to make sure the friend group was made whole again, but I know that isn’t the case. He was so hung up on getting YN back, but after meeting you…I think he did it to try and stick it where it hurts. Or make her jealous. He won’t accept she’s over him.”

Pitiful.

Soobin tossed the ball over to Jake, “I’m going to jump in the water with YN, you all want to come too?” Soobin had to admit, the one good thing that came out of this trip was gaining these guys' friendship.

Jay was practically already tearing his tank top off, “Hell yeah! Let's cool off, this sun is brutal!”

Soobin followed the others down the beach, gripping the ends of his shirt and pulling it up and over his head.

Your heart nearly stopped. Your eyes drag along down his body. Trailing back up over his abs, chest, shoulders, and arms. Craving the metal image in detail of every curve of his biceps. He was beautiful. So beautiful.

Soobin was now in the water and standing directly in front of you, a smirk on his face as he leaned close to your face, being inches apart, “Close your mouth, you’re drooling.” he whispered.

You didn’t realize your mouth was open and immediately closed it shut. Soobin stood up straight and sank down into the water, his hands finding yours as he was chest-deep, gently pulling at your hands to lower yourself too.

It honestly took a lot for Soobin to keep his eyes locked on your face. Your body was gorgeous, all of you were. He couldn’t and wouldn’t deny that. Mostly with the way the purple bikini complimented your skin and the curves of your body. He did take a few glances down to your breasts and shot his eyes right back up to your face. He wasn’t ashamed of looking, you were just gawking at him a few minutes ago.

Once you were at eye level with Soobin, his hands left your hands and found their place at your waist, pulling your body to him, “I hope this is okay,” he whispered, “Just trying to play my part.”

It was natural at how you wrapped your arms around his neck, how you seated yourself on his lap and wrapped your legs around his waist, pressing your chest to his. It felt so natural that it scared you. Even with the cool ocean water warping around your bodies, you still felt way too hot and prayed that if your face was red, everyone would assume it was from the hot summer sun.

“No, it’s all okay,” you whispered back, pulling him closer to you, leaving your bodies completely flushed against one another, “We both have to play this part.”

“Hey!” Jake chuckled, “What you lovebirds whispering about over there!”

Soobin chuckled back, tilting his head back to look at Jake, “I’m telling her all the positions I’m going to put her through tonight!” He teased, earning Jake to scrunch his nose.

“Man, we don’t want to know that!” Jake held up his index fingers into an X, “Keep that to yourselves!”

Soobin just smirked, wrapping his arms around your frame, “Hey man, you asked!”

You couldn’t help but smile at them, at all of them, really. You were truly happy that Soobin was fitting in with your friends and they all seemed to love him. Sunghoon—even with his nasty side eye at the two of you—was warming up to Soobin little by little the last few days. You listened to them all banter back and forth and you couldn’t help but wish that this all could last past this week.

Soobin then touched his cheek to yours, squishing your faces together, “Dude, you’re just jealous that I have a pretty girlfriend!”

Your friends collectively all “ooooo” at Jake from Soobin’s diss, causing Jake to smirk and start splashing water at everyone.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Sungchan said suddenly, standing at the edge of where the water meets the sand. His arms were crossed and eyes locked onto Soobin, “Taro finished lunch, let’s all eat.”

After lunch, everyone headed back into the house to take turns showering and then headed into town for alcohol and items for s’mores.

Once the sun started to settle over the horizon, it was time for the bonfire.

The owners who rented out the house to you and your friends for the week really knew what the people wanted. The firepit was beautiful. A beautiful smooth white stone was built around the pit and perfectly carved benches sat around it. Sunghoon and Yunjin were the ones most excited about the s’mores, being the ones to poke the soft squishy balls of sweetness onto the metal rods and hold them over the fire, and passing them around to everyone once they were burnt perfectly and smooshed between chocolate and graham crackers.

Jay sat off to Soobin’s right on another bench with his acoustic guitar in his arms, playing a pretty tune that matched the soft crashes of the waves and the breeze of the wind. You swayed back and forth slightly, not wanting to spill any of your beer.

“Having a good time?” Soobin asked, smiling down at you as he sipped his beer, “You look like you are.”

You nodded, leaning further a bit to your right to nudge your shoulder against his, “I am,” you lift the can to your lips, taking a sip, “You?”

Soobin glanced over to the firepit and took another sip, “I am,” his eyes shot up to Sungchan, catching him staring back, “But Sungchan has been eyeing me down since before lunch. It’s making it hard for me to really enjoy myself right now.”

Soobin honestly was enjoying his time here so far. It was a vacation after all and having to play the part of your fake boyfriend wasn’t difficult either. The only hard thing was the glare Soobin always felt from Sungchan. He understood why, he had something the other wanted. It wasn’t Soobin’s fault the male fucked everything up. Nor was it his fault that you were completely over Sungchan to begin with. Soobin truly believed if you still had feelings for Sungchan, you wouldn’t have even come on this trip.

You carefully and quickly passed your eyes over Sungchan, catching how hard he stared at Soobin. Even when he lifted the beer can to sip and drank. His eyes never left Soobin. You also noticed how close he was sitting to Chae. Chae just stared off into the distance, hands clasped together. You couldn’t help but feel like she didn’t want to be there.

You finished off your beer and tossed it into the plastic bag at your feet, “I’m sorry he’s being that way towards you,” and you really truly meant it. Soobin didn’t deserve it, “I wish I could make him stop.”

Soobin also finished off his beer and tossed the can with yours, keeping his eyes locked on Sungchan. You finally decided to let Sungchan know that you saw him staring. Glaring at him with your jaw locked and eyes narrowed. It didn’t take long for him to notice your stares and for him to scoot closer to Chae, dropping his hand to her thigh.

You rolled your eyes and faced Soobin, “He really thinks doing that will do anything but piss me off.”

Soobin chuckled at your words because it’s true, the man truly thought getting closer to Chaewon was going to change your attitude towards him. Sungchan pulled a smirk at Soobin, thinking he won.

Oh, but isn’t that further from the truth.

“Want to piss him off back?” Soobin asked, turning to face you.

You raised a brow, “And how exactly, do you plan to piss him off?”

Soobin said nothing as he moved in, connecting his lips to yours. Your surprise must have been way too obvious because Soobin was now tracing his lips from yours and down your jaw and to your ear, whispering, “Play along.”

You knew what he was doing. Knew what it would cause with Sungchan. Knew all of it and yet once his lips found yours, you kissed him back something fierce. Both your eyes flutter closed and embrace this moment.

You expected just a few kisses and then Soobin pulling away, but the longer your lips lingered, the more you prayed he wouldn’t move away. Soobin did, in fact, was only planning to plant a few kisses and then pull away and go back to being normal. But…

He couldn’t stop.

His brows furrowed as he leaned into you more. His hand reached up and cupped your neck, his thumb rubbing softly against your jawline.

What was he doing? Why couldn’t he stop kissing you? Why was his free hand now reaching for yours and his fingers intertwined with yours? Squeezing your hand hard.

He slowly pushed his tongue past his lips, licking your bottom lip, begging for entrance. You parted your lips without question, letting his tongue slide in and explore your cavern. The soft groan that escaped his mouth sent chills down your body. If he didn’t have his hand placed on your neck keeping you pressed to him, you would have long fallen over.

Kissing you felt…natural. It felt like his lips were always meant to kiss yours. That…he was meant to be here with you. Soobin had come to the realization that you both were making out in front of everyone and he did not give a single fuck. Sungchan no longer mattered. Pissing him off no longer mattered. The only thing that did was your lips against his. Your hand in his. You. Only you.

His heart pulled to you. It was chanting your name over and over and over. He couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t pull away even if he wanted to. He felt the little red string of fate tie itself to you. His trope rang in the back of his mind.

“Hey!” Someone finally snapped, “Get a room, love birds!” To both your and Soobin’s surprise, it was Sunghoon who said it.

Soobin smiled against your lips before slowly pulling away, resting his forehead on yours. His heart was racing and he was fucking terrified to open his eyes and look at you. Scared at what he might find.

But he opened them anyway as he pulled his head away from yours. First, he stared at your swollen kissed lips, then slowly looked up to your eyes. One look and it was all it took for everything in the world to make sense. One look in your eyes and he knew.

It was you. It was always going to be you.

You thought going to bed that night would have been awkward. Why wouldn’t it? You and Soobin made out in front of all your friends in a play to piss off Sungchan, it should have been awkward to go to bed that night. Except it wasn’t. You crawled into bed next to Soobin like it was a routine. He rolled onto his side facing away from you and fell asleep quickly as you did the same.

You oddly felt at peace. You barely knew him and only knew a handful of things about him that you’ve learned on this trip so far, but you couldn’t help that pull to him. And as you drifted off to sleep you repeated the thought over and over on how easy all this was with him. How from the moment you first laid eyes on him in that bus you felt that pull. You weren’t sure what to make of this, mostly when everything would be coming to an end once this week was over.

When you woke up Soobin was already out of bed. After getting up, brushing your teeth, and throwing on your swimsuit and beach clothes, you trailed into the living room, everyone sat around somewhere in the kitchen or living eating breakfast.

“About time you got up!” Sunghoon teased, shoving a piece of bacon in his mouth, “It’s almost eleven am!”

You raised a brow at your best friend, “Yet you guys are still eating breakfast? When it’s literally lunchtime?”

“Hey,” Jake groaned, whipping his head up from his plate and leaning against Sunghoon, “Never too late or early for a breakfast meal!” You couldn’t argue with that, “Besides,” Jake continued, “Soobin mentioned for dinner to head out into town and try one of the restaurants, so we decided on a later breakfast.”

“Makes sense,” you mumbled, looking around the room, “Speaking of, where is he?”

“Your boy toy already went down to the water,” Sungchan murmured, poking his fork at his eggs, “Missed him by ten minutes.”

You narrowed your eyes down at him, “Boy toy?” you scoffed, whipping your head away with a roll of your eyes, “Funny shit to say coming from the likes of you!”

Not another second was wasted on him as you quickly made your way to the front door and opened it.

“YN!” he called for you, but you didn’t turn back around as you slammed the door behind you.

Sungchan stood from the table, just causing both Jay, Jake, and Sunghoon to stand on their feet from the couch. Shotaro was even at Sungchan’s side, placing his hands on his shoulders.

“Let go, Taro!” Sungchan snapped.

“Nah, keep him there,” Jake gave him a narrowed look, “You need to cut this shit out, Chan.”

Sungchan opened his mouth to fight, but Chaewon stopped it, “Chan, that is enough! Seriously!” All eyes went to her, “You need to accept the fact that YN has moved on and she is happy! I’ve never seen her this happy before…” Chaewon looked down at her plate, “I don’t know what you were hoping for with this trip, but you really need to know your place.” Without another word, Chae picked up her plate and rushed into her bedroom.

You kicked off your sandals at the edge of the steps to the house and stepped down onto the warm sand. Hovering your hand over your eyes to help see down the way better. Damn, the sun is so bright.

You found Soobin standing in the water facing towards the infinite ocean. His shoes and tee shirt were discarded at the edge of the beach right before where the water touched the sand. The waves crashed against his waist and the breeze blew his brown hair to the side. The sun illuminates his perfect honey skin, outlining the muscles of his back. Even from his back, he was a sight to see. So beautiful.

Soobin woke up earlier than everyone today and decided to be the one to make breakfast today. He had to admit, he was using it as a distraction. A way to get him out of the same bed with you. You looked so peaceful while you slept and it took everything in Soobin to not pull you toward him and wrap his arms around you. So he forced himself out of bed instead and made everyone breakfast. It wasn’t really early, the night before obviously made everyone sleep in a bit longer, but Soobin pushed the idea of trying out a restaurant later that night, ate his breakfast, and quickly left the house.

He needed to get out of that house and put more distance away from you. Not because he wanted to be away from you, but because he couldn’t think straight around you. Not after last night. The feeling of your lips lingered on his. The touch of your skin in the palm of his hand as he held you close to him. The way your fingers fit perfectly together with his.

It all rang in his head. Along with his damned trope. Soulmates didn’t exist. It was just a ploy to keep the population in control. To give the people something to believe in. It wasn’t real.

Yet Soobin knew he felt that red string of fate tied his heart to yours. He might not know what your trope is, and frankly, he’s terrified to find out. What if your tropes don’t match? Or what if your trope is whatever Soobin isn’t? He’s never once in his life ever thought about these questions. He’s spent those years after receiving his trope not believing in a damn thing about it. But you changed everything. One look in your eyes after that kiss and he was on his knees.

Soobin guessed the whole reason he needed to be officially alone right now was to sort out his thoughts and decide whether he wanted to accept his fate. Regardless of what he decided to do, you now had him wrapped around your finger and he was stupid if he’d let you go once this trip was over.

He heard shuffles of sand and already knew it was you standing at the edge of the water behind him. After his heart was tied to you, he swore he could hear your heart beating. He knows the sound of your heart.

You knew he knew you were there, you couldn’t explain how, but you just knew. You took one more step, letting the ocean take up to your ankles. You kept your eyes locked to his back, your heart racing.

Soobin chuckled, “It’s just me, YN, no need to be nervous.”

You opened your mouth to say something, but stopped the moment Soobin turned around slightly to look at you. The way the sun was shining down on him…the look of endearment and the soft smile he was giving you. Your eyes widened, the red string fully tying your heart to his.

“Sunshine!” the acolyte cheered, her hands clasping together and smiling wide down at you, “Your trope is sunshine! How wonderful!” Wonderful? What the fuck kind of trope is sunshine? What the fuck does that even mean?

You had hope for your trope. You really did. You spent all that time as a child counting down the days until your eighteenth birthday and marched right to the church to receive yours. But the moment your trope was in your grasp, everything failed you. You stopped believing. Yes, you tried experimenting with your trope, but it failed you every time.

You tried meeting people with sunshine personalities, tried going to bright sunny places, and each time, it failed. You gave up and believed soulmates didn’t exist. Or even if they did, you didn’t have one.

You held that statement as true until just now, staring into Soobin’s eyes.

The world finally all made sense to you. Sunshine. Soobin was sunshine. He’s your sunshine. Your trope wasn’t about the sun or the personality of someone. It was both. It was Soobin. The embodiment of sunshine with the sun shining down brightly on him.

You could hear his heart beating in your ears, its steady pace mixed with a hint of nervousness. And he told you he had no reason to be nervous?

He turned fully toward you, walking up and closing the gap between the two of you. He lifted his hands from the cool water and rested them on your biceps, the corners of his lips curling up more.

“Soobin,” you whispered, “I—“

The echoes of your friends' laughter filled the summer air, each of them pushing out of the house and in their swimwear. Jake held fishing poles in his hands, “Soobin!” he yelled, “Come spend time with the bros!”

Sunghoon held up a tacklebox of fishing items, “Yeah! Jay is bringing his expensive alcohol too!”

Jay was now holding up his bottles of whiskey, “I’m being forced to bring them, but I’ll share nevertheless.”

Soobin’s smile grew more and it only made your heart flutter. This was his real smile, not the fake one he’s been acting out with the last couple of days. This was his true show of happiness.

Soobin glanced away from your friends and saw the look of confusion on your face. Soobin knew that look without even having to ask you what was wrong. He cupped your face and placed his lips to your forehead, “We can talk later, okay?”

You nodded, quickly wrapping your arms around his body and pulling him close, resting your head on his chest, “Have fun stealing my friends from me.”

Soobin chuckled again, and leaned into your hug, holding you against him, “Too bad, they are my friends now,” You went to protest, but he was pulling away and splashing you with water, “I’ll see you later, okay?”

You said nothing as you watched him run out of the water, stopping to grab his shirt and shoes and jogging up to Jay, Jake, and Sunghoon. Shotaro and Sungchan slowly followed behind them.

The rest of the day became busier than you were hoping for. Once the boys were back from fishing and everyone showered off the sand and salt water, it was time to hit up the restaurant.

It was within walking distance from the house, so Taro was really big on saving up everyone’s gas and suggested just walking. No one was against it.

But that meant moving in a pack. Everyone surrounded you and Soobin and it left no chances to talk. Even after dinner, Yunjin and Sakura wanted to stop for ice cream, and again, no one rejected it.

Soobin was kind enough to buy your ice cream for you and even shared some of his. It only made the need for you to talk to him run so much deeper. This couldn’t just be the behavior of acting like your fake boyfriend…was it?

Little did you know Soobin was also dying to talk to you as well. He tried to find any opportunity to pull you to the side and talk but the odds just weren’t in his favor.

But he was nervous and the closer the beach house came back into view the more his heart pounded. It only got worse once he was alone with you in the shared bedroom.

You looked exhausted. Soobin definitely was. It was a busy and exhausting day. Not just because of your friends, but the endless thoughts that circulated both your minds. It was hard to tell if talking about whatever this was, was a good idea at the moment.

But you also knew it couldn’t wait.

Soobin sat down on the bed, facing himself toward you. You tried to fight back a yawn as you climbed into the bed. He tilted his head, “Do you want to talk? We could always talk in the morning, YN.”

Hearing those words honestly made you feel better. It meant not having to address everything right here and now but also gave proof that Soobin still wanted to have that conversation. You stopped fighting the yawn and nodded, pulling the covers back and laying down on your side, facing away from him.

The bed shifted as Soobin turned the lamp off, the room now being lit by the moonlight that peeked through the curtains of the windows. The bed shifted more and you could hear Soobin’s heart, “Can…” he sighs, “Can I hold you?”

“Yes,” you replied quickly. Already scooting yourself to the middle of the bed, your back meeting Soobin’s chest. He pushed his arm underneath the pillow and wrapped it around your chest and hand linking to your shoulder while the other hung over your waist, his hand resting on your tummy.

Holding you was everything he could have hoped it would be. Your body is the perfect fit against his. You shifted a little in hopes of getting closer, only to rub your ass against his crotch. His fingers at your shoulder gripped your shirt while the other squeezed your tummy, “YN,” he said in a soft warning tone, “Please don’t move.”

You didn’t mean to grind against him, you just wanted to be more comfortable and closer to him. But now with the growing hardness against your ass and the sound of his heart racing in your ears, your own pool of desire is raised.

Soobin was now squeezing your frame tightly, using all his strength to not start grinding his cock against you. To keep himself under control. But it was so damn hard when he could hear how your heart was fluttering. Could feel how your body was now shaking. He squeezed you tighter, his arm squeezing your breasts and a soft gasp let your lips. It was enough to send a chill down his spine and for his hips to buck without his permission.

You softly giggle, “And you told me not to move.” Your teasing just then flipped a switch with him.

Soobin was smirking and tucking his face into your neck, pressing his now hard cock against your ass, “Maybe if you’d stop wiggling, I wouldn’t either,” he whispered to your skin. The brush of his lips as he talked had goosebumps raised on your skin.

You rocked your hips, grinding on his clothed cock, “Stop rubbing against me, and I’ll stop rubbing against you.”

A chuckle left his mouth but he didn’t stop moving and neither did you. The two of you kept moving, rocking your hips back and forth against each other. Soobin’s hand on your belly moved lower and lower as time progressed. You’ve done things like this before with other guys, same with Soobin and females. But with the way you both were breathing, how in sync your hearts were beating, the feeling of being this close…It made everything ten times better.

Was it because…it had to be.

Soobin pushed his fingers down to the band of your shorts, slipping his fingers underneath it, “Can I touch you?” he whispered in your ear, placing a kiss on the shell of it, “Please, can I touch you?”

You nodded, placing your hand on top of his and pushing it down, guiding him slowly to where you need him the most right now. And once his fingers cupped your heat, you flung your head back onto his shoulder.

“Shit YN,” he breathed, “So wet, and I haven’t even fully touched you yet.”

You lifted your leg up and over his legs, giving him more access to you. His index and ring fingers spread your lips apart, the middle slowly rubbing at your clit.

You softly moan, arching your back. But Soobin’s hold on you with his other arm around your chest kept you from moving too much, holding you tightly to his chest.

You started once again rocking your hips, doing it in hopes he would move faster, and slid his fingers into you. Soobin wasn’t stupid, he could tell you wanted more, “What do you want?” he whispered, biting at the shell of your ear, “Tell me what you want, baby.”

“L-lower,” you whimper, “Faster, please.”

Soobin hummed, sliding his middle finger to your entrance, “Is this what you want, baby?”

You nodded, bucking your hips. Soobin smirked and slowly pushed his index and middle fingers in. You both let out a breathy groan as his fingers slid in all the way to his knuckles, your cunt squeezing around them.

Soobin pushed them in and out, in and out, starting at a slow pace and slowly picking up speed. Your body was shaking against his, his cock growing more needier by the second.

He wanted you. Oh, good gods he wanted you.

“Baby,” he shifted a bit, his body slightly towering over yours, “Can I have you?”

You nodded frantically, your hands reaching for him and pulling him into a kiss, “Please,” you whispered against his lips.

Soobin completely shifted himself over you, hovering just the right amount to keep his fingers filling you while his other hand reached for the ends of your shirt, “I want this off.”

You smirked, “Take it off me yourself.”

Soobin chuckled on your lips, removing his fingers from your cunt and sliding his hands up your body, taking your shirt with them.

It didn’t take long for all of your and Soobin’s clothing to be thrown in all different directions of the room, leaving you skin to skin.

There was something so beautiful about being connected to you like this. The way your skin felt on his. How your bare legs wrapped around his waist and lips kissed down his neck. It was something Soobin wanted to be painted into his memory forever. It wasn’t even just about the sex you were about to have. It was all about you.

Soobin couldn’t stop the gasp that let his mouth as his cock slid deep inside you, the tip kissing beautifully at your cervix. He held you tightly to him as he started moving, keeping one hand gripping your thigh, “Fuck, YN. YN. YN. YN.” Your name chanted from his lips. It flowed out so easily. Like your name belonged in his mouth.

“Soobin,” you whispered, pulling your face from his neck and laying down on the pillow, cupping his face between your hands, his pretty brown eyes staring back at you, “I think…no, I know it. You’re my soulmate.”

Hearing those words had Soobin melting. His face fell to your neck, hand squeezing your thigh tighter, “And you’re mine,” he whispered back, “Oh gods you’re mine.”

With all your strength, you rolled him over onto his back, straddling him. You took his hands in yours and you rode him, squeezing his hands with each roll of your hips. You don’t know what came over you, but hearing how you were his, it did something, “Say it again, please.”

Soobin squeezed your hands tighter, “You’re mine.”

“Again.”

He smiled, “You’re mine. You’re my soulmate. Mine. Mine. Mine.”

The words came out so easily for someone who didn’t believe in them at first. But looking at you like this, all on top of him, riding his cock, how could he not believe in it? Your hearts were now tied together. He belonged to you. You belonged to him. And he had no problem chanting out those words until he was cumming deep inside you. Continued chanting them as he flipped you onto your back and his fingers once again found their home inside you, chanting them as you came around them.

Soobin used to curse his trope, but now all he could do was thank it. It gave him you.

“We’ve been out here for an hour,” Sunghoon groaned, throwing his head back over the chair, hands gripping the fishing pole, “Jake, why did we have to come fishing again?”

Jake glared over at him, “Because we had massive luck yesterday. Figured we would today as well,” Jake shrugged and glanced back out into the water, “Not my fault you’re being crabby today.”

Sunghoon groaned again as he lifted back up his head, tilting it to the side to look at Soobin, “Try sharing a room next door to them at night and tell me if you wouldn’t be crabby.”

Sunghoon’s words went in one ear and out the other, he was too busy staring down at a text message from you. But Sunghoon’s clearing his voice brought him back to the guys around him, “What?”

Jake scoffed with a smirk, “You know what. The whole house heard the two of you last night.”

Soobin grinned as he shifted his gaze off to the water, “And that’s my problem how?” he said in a teasing voice.

You and Soobin continued your sexual activities after the first round. Neither of you could get enough of the other and eventually, you both stopped caring to keep quiet. It was just unfortunate for those in the house.

Jay nudged Soobin’s shoulder, “Am I going to have to buy some earplugs tonight?” he joked.

Soobin shrugged and smirked at Jay, “Possibly, we do still have one more full day left to cause some chaos.”

“Please don’t,” Shotaro chuckled, “I enjoy my sleep.”

The males all laughed and continued their teasing, except Soobin noticed Sungchan being awfully quiet and staring down at the docks they all sat on.

Sunghoon nudged Soobin, leaning closer to him and whispering, “I’m actually really glad you and her have something. She seems so happy being with you.”

Soobin knew that Sunghoon was aware that at first, this was all an act. So honestly hearing those words made him happy. You and Sunghoon had talked with each other during breakfast this morning, so Soobin more than likely knew you confessed what was actually happening now. Soobin opened his mouth to reply back to Sunghoon, but a loud scoff following a chuckle had everyone turning their heads towards the direction it came from.

“Happy? She’s happy to be with you?” Sungchan laughed, turning to face Soobin directly, “You think I buy that? That you aren’t just some random guy she met on the bus that day? This is all an act. I know YN! Better than—“

“She’s my soulmate,” was all Soobin said. He had no desire or even the need to confirm nor deny Sungchan’s suspicions, “She’s my soulmate and I think you need to accept that and learn your place.”

Everyone fell silent, the only sound was the waves crashing against the wooden columns of the dock and the wind blowing past.

“Look man,” Soobin sighed, “I don’t know what you were hoping for with this vacation, but I would really appreciate it if you backed off my girl,” Soobin looked back out to the water, gripping at the handle of his fishing pole, “You’ve hurt her enough, let it go.”

Soobin was fueled with anger, so distracted he had no clue the line of his pole was being tugged, “SOOBIN!!” Jake yelled standing up to his feet and pointing at the ripples of the water, “YOU CAUGHT ONE! REEL THE LINE BACK!!!”

With the excitement of possibly catching a fish, Soobin threw his anger out the window, deciding it wasn’t worth worrying over Sungchan. Everyone was now aware that you were tied to him, and that’s all Soobin cared about at this moment.

Besides, of course, pulling his first fish of the day on the docks and cheering along with his new friends, “I have to show YN!” Sunghoon said, pointing at Soobin to lift up the fish and smile wide for a photo, sending it directly to you.

You sat on the couch with Yunjin between your legs on the floor in the middle of braiding her hair when Sunghoon sent you the cutest photo you’ve ever seen of your soulmate holding up his first catch of the day. It was adorable. You couldn't help but laugh and save the photo to your gallery, “Want to see the fish Soobin just caught?” you asked her and the other girls, turning your phone around to show them.

“He really is a cutie!” Sakura clapped her hands, “Fate was really on your side when picking out your soulmate!”

You didn’t even have to tell the girls that information, they just kind of guessed at it. Your smile wasn’t doing much justice for you. You’ve been smitten ever since your first kiss with Soobin, “Fate really was on my side, wasn’t it?”

You felt Chaewon’s eyes on you, a small sad smile on her face. The two of you have barely spoken to each other this entire trip and you could tell since the night of the bonfire, she’s had words she kept locked in her throat.

“Hey!” Yunjin sat up, her long red hair falling between your fingers, “The boys are still busy fishing, why don’t we go shopping? There’s a cute surf shop down the beach towards the pier I want to check out!”

Everyone agreed. As the girls stood up and rushed out the door, Chaewon gripped your wrist, “YN, can we talk first?”

You nodded, slowly turning to face her, “What is it?”

She let go of your wrist, “I am truly sorry! For everything!” You blinked at her, not expecting this conversation right off the bat, “Chan and I were drunk, we weren’t thinking straight. It only happened that one time and I promise you that. Chan got confused about his feelings, and that’s how it blew up as badly as it did. I wanted to tell you from the beginning, but Chan said he would take care of it and I was stupid to believe him on that,” she reached for your hands then and you let her, “I removed myself from our group because I thought you’d hate me. Sunghoon said you needed time and I wanted to respect that. But I miss our friendship, I miss you. I came on this trip wanting to fix our friendship, not because Sungchan told me to.”

You had to admit, you also missed her and your friendship with her. This trip hasn’t been completely the same because of the distance it put between the two of you. You already knew Sungchan was just trying to pull some fast moves, but Chaewon was being true from the beginning.

So you hugged her tightly, “I forgive you. I’ve missed you too so please don’t run away from me anymore, okay?” Chae nodded, hugging you tighter, “Now, let’s go get caught up with Sakura and Yunjin.”

With a giggle, you and Chae rushed out the door.

Before you knew it, Soobin was packing up your backs into the backseat of his car as you hugged your girlfriends tightly, “We need a girl's day soon!” You said, “I’ll kick Sunghoon out of the apartment for a day.”

Sunghoon sighed, crossing his arms, “You act like I don’t have a soulmate, other friends, or even Soobin I could hang out with for the day.”

Soobin wrapped his arm around Sunghoon’s shoulders, “Yeah, babe,” he said sticking his tongue out at you, “I’ll just steal your best friend.”

You glared at your now boyfriend, “You’d steal my best friend from me?”

Soobin shrugged, “If you’re going to kick him out, ya.”

You rolled your eyes and continued hugging your friends, deciding to fight your mate and best friend later at the apartment.

After all goodbye had been said, everyone piled into their own cars and drove off, leaving the beach house in the distance.

Soobin reached over and placed his hand on your thigh, squeezing the plush, “Did you enjoy yourself?”

You nodded, leaning back in the seat, “I really did,” you shifted your eyes to him, “Wasn’t expecting to gain my soulmate out of it though.”

Soobin chuckled, rubbing his thumb against your skin, “You and I both. By the way,” he glanced at you quickly, then back at the road, “What was your trope?”

“Sunshine,” You whispered, “It was sunshine.”

He smiled, biting at the corners of his lip, “Sunshine, huh.”

You sat up and leaned over the center console, poking your finger in his dimple, “And what was yours, my sunshine?”

Soobin took your hand in his, “Fake relationship,” your eyes widened at his trope, “Yeah,” he chuckled, “It wasn’t exactly the best.”

“You must have been freaking out when I asked you to be my fake boyfriend for the week, I’m so sorry!”

Soobin shook his head, “I…I didn’t believe in tropes or even soulmates. I thought it was weird and a coincidence. I’ve had many fake relationships before, so I thought this was no different,” he lifted your hand to his lips, playing a few soft kisses to the palm of your hand, “But you changed everything, obviously.”

You smiled, “It’s funny you say that, because I didn’t believe in tropes of soulmates either.”

Soobin quickly looked at you again, then back at the road, “Sunghoon literally has a soulmate!?”

You sat back in the seat and stared out the window, “Trust me, I know. Right in front of me and I still didn’t believe a lick of it.”

Soobin smirks, “Do you believe in it now?”

You giggled, squeezing his hand, “I do. How could I not when I have my own pocket full of sunshine?”

—p.tlist: @alvojake @ikeuverse @woniebae @shawnyle @jwnghyuns

@in-somnias-world @zyvlxqht @aaa-sia @wonniethepoo @addictedtohobi

@eneiyri @skzenhalove @fakeuwus @cherry-park @vousty

@ladyartemesia @criminalyun @enhaverse713586 @wondipity @lhsvibez

@jaeyunq @rikizm @kaykay11sworld @pockettwinzz @vixialuvs

@seunghancore @enha-cafe @ppanghoon @sunpov @zeeloveshee

@hxxsxxng @moonrisearies @brownsugarbaybee @nshmrarki @vveebee

@teddybeartaetae @kookify @abysofsteel @aileeeeeeeeeeeee

@hee-lvrr @1309zip @moon0fthenight @jakeflvrz @021894s

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shine-your-light · 1 year ago

Text

So glad to come back to this masterpiece but ahhh now I’m scared 🫣 not ready for the wrath of Minho lol

Screen Identity: Mismatched Passion | EP. 3 — COLIAS CROCEUS

— contains adult content, minors do not interact 🔞 —

Jisung is fast to place the palm of his other hand on your mouth, “Shhh, those sweet noises are only reserved for me, yeah?”

[ abstract ]: After a rough break up during semester break, you’re put in a class with none other than your longtime academic rival Han Jisung once university starts again. Things don’t get any easier considering he’s your older brother’s best friend and destiny decides to assign you two to a partner project. Luckily, you can distract yourself a little by chatting with the mysterious guy you met online a couple of months ago, getting closer both emotionally and physically with him, absolutely unaware he might be nearer than you would expect…

[ general ]: jisung + fem reader, gamer + stoner jisung, gamer reader, academic rivals/enemies → lovers, brother’s best friend, minho is reader’s slightly older brother, college au, smut + angst + fluff, accidental online dating, inexperienced jisung + inexperienced reader [ real life ] vs simp jisung + brat reader [ online ] so they act a lot differently while chatting, chan playing cupid in this chapter, please refer to series m.list for more info

[ warning ]: explicit sexual scene [includes semi-public encounters, making out while being slightly tipsy, fingering (f receiving) ], consumption of alcohol and mention of weed, a lot of jealousy from both of them once again

[ words ]: 6.0K

[ note ]: Sorry for the long wait, there is a lot going on irl for me rn. I hope you will enjoy this next part, thanks for the crazy support!! If you liked this episode too, I'd be very grateful about any kind reblog, comment, ask or DM!! Also, make sure to read The Experience Project, my other series that is part of the same universe!! Lots of love, Cece 🩷

“Why on earth is there a video of you kissing my brother?” Hannah asks, fury in her eyes. “Since when are you and Chan a thing?”

You’re sipping on your iced cherry matcha, barely awake, while your best friend is attacking you with such accusations.

“Hannah, we’re not. Sorry, you had to see that.”

You should have thought this through when you asked your bestie’s older brother to make out with you at the semester opening party, just to win a stupid bet against Jisung. Of course, people were gonna see you. What were you even thinking?

“I’ll have to bleach my eyes at least twice, thank you very much,” she sighs. “Why are you running around campus kissing my brother then?”

“It was… for a bet,” you explain. “With Jisung. We bet on who is the first one to make out with someone at the party. Chan was just there to help me win.”

Hannah’s mouth falls agape, while she gathers up all her strength to not let up a high pitched scream in the middle of the lecture hall.

“When will Jisung and you stop your childish games and just confess? It’s getting boring… You’re the definition of slow burn.”

As your bestie, she has been watching this silly little game between your brother’s friend for a way too long time now. It’s obvious for anyone else that this rivalry has grown into something different since you started college.

“What? What do you mean by confessing?” you try to play dumb but fail for once in your lifetime.

“We don’t have to have this conversation now, the lecture is starting soon, but we will discuss this. I’m sure it’s very much reciprocated.”

No, it’s not. And you know that. Which is also the reason you stopped putting hope into whatever Jisung and you could evolve to. You’re finally talking to someone new, that guy from the Discord server, meeting him tonight and some second guesses about your longtime crush won’t destroy this.

But then again, you remember how fucking sad he looked when he saw you kissing Chan last night at the party. Like a lost puppy. If you didn’t know better, you’d expect him to have tears in his eyes. And on top of that, he still hasn’t replied to your message.

Could there be…

No, this is ridiculous. That idiot was probably sad about losing against you. It would fit him, after all.

You don’t reply to Hannah anymore, especially when the professor stops talking to Chan—the tutor—and starts the lecture. You’re gonna study for this current class with him later and you’re sure there’s lots to discuss.

In the afternoon, you meet Chan at his dorm. Yuna and you luckily have your apartment back, but since she’s already got her own study group over, you decided to go to your friend’s place instead. Your best friend’s brother opens the door for you with a wide grin, pulling you into a hug. You’re not the greatest fan of physical touch, but with Chan it’s okay. He’s like a teddy bear. A very muscular teddy bear, but it’s always comforting.

Perhaps that’s why you’ve been contemplating talking about him with the Jisung issue. After all, he’s been involved in this thanks to you. Apart from that, it’s only fair to get whatever mess with your longtime rival sorted out of your head, before you will meet j.0ne for the first time tonight.

“What’s on your mind, Y/N? It’s the third time you made a mistake in that exercise. Everything alright?”

You let out a deep breath, shifting around in your position. “It’s… I think you didn’t notice but after our kiss last night, Jisung came to me and he was… he behaved very oddly.”

“In which way?” Chan asks, tilting his head. After all, he didn’t suspect that his friend has a crush on you. Until last night. Which makes him feel a bit nauseous thinking about the fact that Chan made out with you. Jisung has never told him, but the signs are pretty obvious now.

So, when he went to the studio last night after leaving campus, he found Jisung there too. And all his suspicions turned out to be true.

“Do you like Y/N?”

He confronted him, just like that.

“Why… no… why would you think that?” Jisung replied, his voice shaking, not making him sound any convincing.

“It looked as if you had tears in your eyes, when you saw me kissing her. That’s why I pulled back,” he confesses.

“N-No… it’s… look, it’s complicated, okay?”

“Why? You make it complicated, Jisung. I’m sure she likes you too,” Chan tried to hype his friend up.

“She would never like a loser like me.”

His heart hurt.

“Stop talking to yourself like this, mate,” he told the younger one, giving him a little nudge as if this would solve the problem of Jisung’s low self esteem, especially when it’s about you.

“But it’s… true. I’m just some nerd, I’m not really experienced when it comes to women except for a few horrible one night stands I had. What could I even offer her?”

Chan’s heart aches once more when he thinks back to last night. Without sharing the secret, Chan will subtly guide you to the hints he’s got, perhaps he can even find out if you might reciprocate the feelings that his friend has for you.

“Startled. Out of character. Absent. I don’t know. He congratulated me for winning the bet and then he just… left. I couldn’t find him anywhere. And he didn’t respond to my text in which I told him that he doesn’t need to do most of our shared uni project alone just because he lost the bet. Isn’t he overreacting?”

Your friend sighs, “Could there be a reason why he acted so strangely?”

“I don’t think so… he was the one who suggested this dumb bet after all. Telling me I’m so innocent that I wouldn’t win anyway. He doesn’t know half of what my love life is about,” you say, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“Oh? What’s that supposed to mean?” Chan asks with a smirk.

You laugh, “Ah, not much. There’s just some guy that I’ve been talking to these weeks and it could become something more.”

Chan wonders why you just didn’t ask this mysterious guy then at the campus party to kiss you. Perhaps he doesn’t study at your university.

But after his talk to Jisung last night and all he’s observed throughout the past years, your friend has always wondered something else. The chemistry between his younger colleague and you is insane. Sure, you constantly nag each other, fight in debates in school and do dumb bets like last night. But what if that’s just a coping mechanism to hide your true feelings? And now you’re seeing someone else?

He’d love for Jisung and you to become a couple. An idea pops up in his head that he instantly feels bad for—but since you and Jisung are both his friends who are just too dumb to realise how you seem to feel about each other, he could play cupid, right?

“I’ve always thought… and please don’t judge me, that maybe you… and… and Jisung would become a couple one day,” Chan explains, avoiding eye contact.

“Please. I used to have a crush on him, just for the record, but this would never work. Besides that, he doesn’t view me like this anyway,” you confess.

Your friend isn’t even surprised, if he’s honest. He would have expected you to fall for Jisung at some point.

“Why wouldn’t it work?”

The fact that Chan doesn’t reply to the second part of your statement leaves you confused.

“Minho. He’s his best friend. And ever since we were teenagers, my brother told him to stay away from me, romantically and sexually,” you expain.

Chan rolls his eyes, “You’re adults…”

He would never pull a move like this if Hannah dated one of his friends.

“Yeah, I know. Minho’s weird. And only two years older so what’s the fuss about?” You say, shaking your head. “But… there’s something else I might need advice with.”

“What’s it?”

“I… I met someone… online, like I said, the guy I’ve been talking to,” you tell him. “Not on a dating app but on a Discord gaming server. I’ve been texting him for some months now and… yeah, sorry for the TMI, but we also, uhm, video chatted if you know what I mean. Now he’s invited me to his friends’ get-together.”

It feels good to say this out loud to someone without adding too many details. But you feel like you should share what’s about to happen tonight with at least one person and Chan is that certain friend of yours who you trust the most when it comes to this.

You told Minho yesterday. Unfortunately he saw you giggling at your phone screen and you weren’t able to lie to him. Surprisingly, he took it well and even encouraged you which is probably only because you’re not texting one of his friends.

But sharing this with someone like Chan feels right.

“That sounds great! Have you met him before in real life?” he asks, hoping he doesn’t sound too fake. Yes, Chan is happy for you, he always is as long as you are. But what about… Jisung and you? God, he feels as if he’s more invested in this than you are.

“No, which is why I’m so nervous,” you say, awkwardly giggling.

“What are you gonna do?”

“Camping with his friends,” you add.

Chan’s eyes widen. You can’t be serious. He’s never expected you to be so naïve.

“You wanna meet a stranger in the woods? Are you out of your mind, Y/N?”

This isn’t even about him trying to set you up with his friend, he’s just helping you get some sense into your brain.

“But, Channie… he’s so sweet, really,” you reassure him. “And super respectful. Takes care of his drunk female friends when they’re in danger?”

Chan can’t believe what he’s hearing. Great, the bare minimum and you’re praising this stranger for it.

“What a Disney prince, wow. You’re not gonna meet him. At least not in this scenario,” he tells you, sounding as if he’s your older brother. It makes you mad, it makes you feel immature.

But if you think about it…

Maybe he’s right. Maybe you haven’t thought this through. And with Jisung on your mind, you keep contemplating if this was the right decision.

When Jisung gets to Felix’s and his roommate’s place, none of them are there. He puts down his backpack and goes inside the kitchen, making himself some instant ramyeon. He can’t remember when it was the last time that he’s been so excited and nervous at the same time.

He’s gonna meet you. The girl from Discord. The one and only that has been keeping him company these past months on any level possible, making his life better for once. Fuck. He dearly prays he won’t fuck this up. He checks again if he’s got everything for a successful camping trip—his tent, other equipment, an extra hoodie for you to wear, cigarettes and condoms.

Jisung can’t wait to find out what you are like in real life. You’re definitely the prettiest girl he’ll ever lay his eyes on, that he’s already sure of.

And on top of that, you kind of asked him to be his boyfriend. That’s insane. And just puts more pressure on him, considering he’s never been in a relationship before or anything close to that.

He’s humming a sweet melody, totally in his thoughts while packing up the rest of his stuff, before he hears his phone ding with a message from none other than you.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Hey, J. I’m sorry for the late message but I don’t think I can meet you tonight. I’m just not ready yet and I’d prefer a different setting, if I’m honest. I’d love to see you someday, but not now. Have a nice trip with your friends. ❤️

His heart breaks into a million pieces. Shit. He’s been looking forward to this moment and now it’s ripped out of his hand?

Sure, you’re telling him to meet some other time but what if you’re just trying to be nice? What if you don’t want to ever actually meet him? What if this has all been a lie?

He can feel his throat tightening, as anxiety takes over him and then the tears start strolling down his face again. Just like yesterday after the party. The talk with Chan helped a bit, but being put in such a situation now doesn’t really help his self esteem.

Of course he understands you and he would never be mad at you. It’s just that he’s… sad.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: Hey, that’s fine. Have a nice weekend.

A little while later, Felix and his other roommate come home. He explains the situation to them, trying his best to hold back tears once again. His mood has decreased by a thousand levels and he doesn’t want to destroy his friends’ get-together with it—so he decides to not go at all.

“So, what now?” Felix asks him.

“I’m not coming, I’ll stay here,” Jisung explains, shaking his head, while his arms are crossed in front of his chest.

“You’re such a loser,” his freckled friend tells him in a playful manner, knowing this usually cheers Jisung up.

And Jisung sighs but tries to drown out a laughter. He gets up from the couch and takes the fluffy blanket with him. “A broken hearted loser. And if you excuse me, I need to play video games now, smoke some weed and cry like a real man like God intended.”

His roommates try to hold back their laughs, finding it very entertaining to watch him become the lead role of a K-Drama, and once Jisung is entering Felix’s bedroom, he hears his other friend yell, “If you need anything, you call us, yeah?”

“Yes, babes. I love you. Take care,” Jisung replies, before he sinks down on the chair in front of Felix’s desk.

He turns on the computer and logs into Steam and Discord on there. Jisung searches through his backpack and brings out a transparent plastic bag, filled with his green goods. The papers are lying in there too, so he grabs them. Once he’s done rolling his joint, Jisung brings the object right between his lips and guides his lighter to the tip. Right before he can let the flame connect with the cannabis cigarette, a message appears on the computer screen.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Listen… I can explain this

He sighs but types anyway, the joint still dangling from his mouth.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: What’s there to explain? I’m not mad at you.

Because he isn’t. Jisung could never be mad at you and he respects your boundaries. It’s just sad you told him a few hours before the trip.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: You’re texting without grammar errors, which makes you sound very serious.

He lets out a giggle, before he puts the joint and all his other stuff away. Change of plans.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: Fine.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: I’m just… I was really looking forward to it and I think it’s pretty normal to be sad about it, right?

You take some time to type but he receives a few texts rather quickly.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Of course. I’m sorry for telling you so late.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: It’s…

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: You know… it’s nothing against you and I know you would never harm me but going to the woods with a man that I’ve never seen irl before…

Holy shit.

He didn’t even think of that. And usually Jisung does anything for any female person in his life to feel as comfortable as possible. But since he’s a man and doesn’t experience the angst and danger you might be put in, he didn’t consider this to come across as a bit weird. Very weird, now that he’s reflecting.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: oh fuck

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: yes

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: shit it definitely wasn’t meant that way

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i see it now omfg istg i didn’t wanna scare you, doll

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Haha it’s fine!

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Have a nice trip with your friends 🫶

Right. The trip he just canceled. It isn’t just because you won’t be there and because his mood is ruined, but Felix invited his gym crush Changbin and Jisung’s other temporary roommate seems to be getting close to Minho, his best friend, and he didn’t want to third-wheel there.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: oh i'm not going

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: if you’re up for it we can play a round of levanter later

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: You’re not going?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Pls don’t tell me it’s because i'm not going… I didn’t want to ruin your night ):

Now he feels even worse. Triggering your guilty conscience is the last thing he’s wanted.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: don’t worry doll

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: I didn’t feel like going anyway

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: my best friend is trying to get together with this girl hes been crushing on for years so maybe it’s a good thing I’m at home instead. The other two are about to become a couple as well sooo :)

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Is it the girl you took care of when she was drunk?

Why are you even asking that?

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: oh, no that’s someone else

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Ah okay

Oh, Jisung knows why you’re asking now.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: are you jealous, doll?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Me?!

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Never!!

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Okay maybe a bit 🤭

For some reason he likes that about you. It makes him feel special that you only seem to want him for yourself. No one has ever acted like this before.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i like that tbh

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: kinda hot ngl

Still, he’s a bit insecure if you want to meet at all. Or if this whole two months build up was for the relationship that’s blooming between you two to stay inside this Discord chat forever.

He decides to gather up all his strength and ask again. What could go wrong, right?

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: so

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: do you still want to meet me once you’re ready? or not at all?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: I do!!

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: As soon as possible

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: But maybe somewhere else? Where it’s just the two of us

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: And preferably not in the woods lol

He feels relieved that it’s really just caused by the weird setting he’s created.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: lmao

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: yeah sure

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: how about a public place? I’ve got a nice idea what you would enjoy seeing and i could also book us a hotel room?

He’s been having this certain idea ever since he met you on Discord. Your name inspired him, that’s for sure. But he wanted to save that special plan for when the time feels right which is why he opted for a simple meet when suggesting the camping trip. However, now that he’s contemplating further, it seems to be right to do this on the first date.

A date.

He still can’t believe this. Jisung has never been on a date before that gave him so much hope. Usually, the women didn’t show up or didn’t match with him.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: That sounds great!!

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: this saturday? are you free

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i’d love to meet you tomorrow night but there’s this party of one of my friends who just came back from paris

Friend is a little stretched. But ever since Hyunjin came back from his gap semester, he’s talked about this party and since all of Jisung’s friends are going—as well as Minho’s little sister which he’s been trying to avoid for the past twenty four hours—he can’t cancel that too.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Saturday is perfect!! I can’t wait to meet you and find out what you’ve got prepared for us!!

He feels so flustered. And so happy.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: you can check into the room first if you like and bring your stuff there

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: and i’ll just pick you up

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: or we meet at the place that i’ve chosen 😊

Jisung wants to make this as comfortable and safe as possible for you.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Sounds good! Looking forward to it ❤️

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: me too ❤️

He’s going to meet you. Finally. And maybe this will even evolve into more, both romantically and physically speaking.

You don’t even know why you came here. Sure, Hyunjin is somewhat of a friend of yours—you’re taking the same classes this semester again—but he’s left you a bit confused after last night. Ever since you stopped texting j.0ne and went to bed, you received a message from Hyunjin, in which he asked you out on a date. You told him at least a thousand times that you’re not interested in him—which wouldn’t have held you back from using him for the bet against Jisung but we’re gonna ignore that—and still, he sent you some half-comprehensible gibberish that he must have wrote while he was drunk.

But the worst part of it all—as if you don’t already have enough issues going on inside your head and life—your brother told you that the girl he likes—Felix’s roommate—is currently dating Hyunjin. While Hyunjin goes around and asks other women out. So, of course you told Minho but it still leaves you confused and guilty although you haven’t done anything.

Hopefully, the second somaek you’re drinking will help you drown out those thoughts inside your head and luckily Lily is here to keep you company. Yuna and Hannah are somewhere else, currently talking to people they seem to be interested in and when you see the latter with a person she gets a bit close to, you notice how Chan—who’s also here—doesn’t care about it. You sometimes wish Minho was as chill about the whole dating topic as well. But judging from how he reacted to you telling him about j.0ne, you’ve got hopes again.

An hour later, you join an already ongoing drinking game. You’re not really in the mood but since Minho is gone—wherever the hell he went—and Lily is encouraging you to participate in a fun activity after all the horror with Seojun, you oblige. Although you don’t really feel like it. The only one that you want is j.0ne anyway. You’re finally gonna meet him tomorrow.

You’re dragged out of your thoughts, when the living room door swings open and Jisung enters the room again. Weird. You saw him leave the party an hour ago with Felix and his roommate, but he seems to be back. What you don’t know is that Jisung has got another mission on his to-do-list tonight and it’s called revenge. Revenge for you kissing Chan and winning the stupid bet. He’s ignored you for over a day now but when Minho told him that Hyunjin asked you out, he couldn’t control his emotions anymore. Sure, he’s finally gonna meet the girl from his Discord server tomorrow night but he also knows that he needs to end whatever it is between the both of you to move on and be with her instead.

What is his plan?

Well, he didn’t think that far. But he’s gonna improvise.

Meanwhile, you’re left confused. J.0ne mentioned a party of a friend that just returned from Paris. And you just know it must be the same where you’re at right now. Which also means, j.0ne is friends with Hyunjin and way closer to you. Ever since you entered your friend’s apartment, you have started wondering who it could be.

Perhaps Yeonjun? No, he doesn’t seem like a video game type of guy. His personality in real life would differ too much from the one online.

What if it’s Hyunjin himself? Oh, God. That would be the plot twist of the century. But then again, you’ve never talked about the game Levanter with him despite it being super popular. You doubt he even has time to play video games when he’s busy with his art or dating all those women. Ugh.

Which leaves you with… Felix. What if it’s Felix, one of your brother’s friends? He’s cute, he’s on the server too as far as you know and it would match him. But hasn’t he been crushing on his gym coach for literal years? You’ve only talked to him a few times but since he’s so in-your-face with it, you couldn’t forget about this info.

So, this only leaves you with…

“Jisung, it’s your turn.”

No.

Oh, hell, no.

What if j.0ne has been Jisung all along?

Your vision instantly becomes dizzy but you try to focus on what’s happening right now.

“Truth,” the man in question replies.

Yeonjun chuckles, “Are you seeing someone right now?”

You can hear a few giggles echoing through the room. Sure, Jisung isn’t that experienced but there’s no need to make fun of him just for being a nerd.

You kind of feel bad for him. There’s already this huge weight of guilt that’s been laying on your shoulders since the semester opening party and your kiss with Chan. Although you know you shouldn’t be. It was Jisung who suggested the whole bet so he had seen it coming.

“I am, yeah,” he says with a smirk and the room goes dead silent.

“Wow, who’s the lucky one? Do we know her?” Yeonjun asks further.

You gulp, unsure how to categorise that tightening feeling inside your chest once again. You’ve got someone new. You’re over him if there was ever anything between the two of you. Move on.

But why did he react that way last night? And why did Chan behave so oddly too?

“You’ll meet my girlfriend soon, I’m sure.”

Jisung has…

Jisung has a girlfriend?

It’s that serious?

“Y/N, it’s your turn,” Soobin asks.

“What?”

“Truth or dare, Y/N?”

“Uhm, dare?”

You don’t even know why you chose that option. You’re usually not bold at all. Especially not in front of all these people. But maybe it’s better than revealing some messy secrets in front of Jisung. Although you’d love to provoke him back now. Sure, j.0ne and you aren’t a couple yet, but there’s nothing bad about exaggerating things right? And on top of that, it’s what you’re aiming for anyway, right?

However, now being so close to Jisung and him moving on, you don’t manage to be able to think clearly anymore.

“Show us the underwear you’re wearing tonight,” Soobin says with a grin. God, is he a thirteen year old teenager? If Jisung’s a pathetic nerd, you don’t know what that guy is.

“Fine,” you say, shrugging your shoulders. You curse yourself for wearing one of those black dresses again, but opt for pulling it down so you only reveal your bra and not your panties to all of them. You’re not gonna show what’s reserved for j.0ne to the whole group, after all.

Reaching for the fabric, you slide the material down just as much to present the red lingerie that’s covering your breasts. The glitter is pretty and you’re glad about your choice this time, feeling like the main character and totally forgetting about the fact that your friends are literally staring at your tits. It’s an odd feeling but you don’t mind for whatever twisted reason.

Until your eyes interlock with Jisung’s.

You’ve expected a bunch of emotions to be visible on his face.

Surprise. Disgust. Confusion. Even arousal.

But he seems shocked. Panicking, almost.

However, before you’re able to connect the dots, you’re pulling your dress back up again.

A few more rounds follow and then the bottle gets spun again. This time pointing at Jisung.

“Truth or Dare, Ji?” Hyunjin asks. You still don’t get in which order you’re playing this game since it feels as if it’s always a random person’s turn to propose that infamous question.

Jisung looks right into your eyes when he says, “Dare.”

Hyunjin—already quite intoxicated and a bit emotional for whatever reason you don’t know—replies, “I’m gonna spin the bottle again and then it’s Seven Minutes In Heaven for that person and you. Heaven being my storage room, sorry. Rent is expensive these days.”

You close your eyes, you don’t wanna see the disaster of Jisung going to the storage room with another person and at the same time you feel guilty for being jealous. You’ve got a new man. Why are you still thinking about your ex crush?

Well, to put it in perspective: Jisung and you have never talked anything out between the two of you. Neither the romantic feelings you have for him, nor the hatred or rivalry.

“Y/N.”

What?

You open your eyes and find the bottle pointing at you, all while your heart drops down. Your pulse is echoing through your body, making it hard to think rationally but some magic force brings you up to your feet. You follow Jisung down the hallway, whereas the whistles in the background coming from your friends decrease more and more in volume.

“I’m sure they’re gonna fuck,” you still hear Yeonjun giggle.

“It’s about damn time. God, I hope they don’t make a mess in my storage room.”

You shake your head and Jisung opens the door for you. The smirk on his face is wide, making your head spin and for whatever reason it lets a sensation erupt between your legs that definitely surprises you. Or it doesn’t, if you’re completely honest.

Silence. There’s silence in the room. You can still hear your own heartbeat and probably even Jisung’s that’s threatening to burst out of his chest. He’s so nervous and confused.

When he saw the glimpse of your underwear, he finally connected the dots. Sure, he’s had the idea before when the two of you were studying and in hindsight, it makes so much sense now.

You’re her.

Butt3rfly_baby must be you.

But what if there’s a slight chance that all of this is just a simple coincidence? The necklace, the lingerie, you being drunk while she was too, going to the same university, living in the same city. It would be too crazy to believe that you and her aren’t the same person, right?

Still, Jisung is left confused and nervous.

However, he’s got the greatest idea to figure out if his thesis equals the truth.

Meanwhile, you’re caught in the same dilemma, your thoughts running in circles at lightning speed, whereas you’re wondering when you’ll receive the award for being the idiot of the century.

How haven’t you realised sooner and how come, after a few drinks and being inside this cramped storage room with him, you finally count two and two together? Jisung having a friend who returned from Paris, him taking care of a drunk girl when you were drunk, going to the same university, living in the same city.

Perhaps you’ve known this whole time, subconsciously. And you were just too scared of the consequences.

There’s just one way to confirm the thesis inside your head. You’ve got the best idea to figure things out.

Fuck it, you think, before you get closer to him, your mouth only separated from his by a thin layer of air. You’ve been secretly waiting for this moment for years now, it’s embarrassing. But this is for science, right? If this all turns out to be a coincidence and j.0ne is another person, this is your way of ending things with Jisung.

“Do it, Han,” you whisper, a smirk on your face.

“Fuck it,” he curses, before he crashes his lips into yours.

Time stands still for what feels like eternity. His mouth is pressed against yours and for a moment you can’t breathe, until he starts moving. You haven’t kissed many people in your life, but you soon learn that there isn’t any feeling comparable in this world that’s ever gonna come close to the kiss you’re currently sharing with none other than Han Jisung.

Your academic rival since your childhood days.

Your brother’s best friend.

And perhaps the guy who’s made you come without touching you for a few too many times for months now.

The moans. The whimpers.

They sound just like him.

He’s him.

J.0ne must be Jisung. And you wonder how dumb you have been to not realise sooner.

Jisung surprises you when he takes the initiative and slips his tongue inside your mouth, soon finding your own. You fight for dominance, while your arms swing around his neck and pull him closer. It’s messy. It’s wild. It’s passionate. It’s indescribable.

His hands are attached to your waist, bringing you near him as if the room is getting smaller and smaller with every kiss you share.

“Touch me,” you tell him and he lets out a grunt.

Jisung’s fingers wander under your dress, pulling the fabric up and he reveals the matching panties to the bra you presented to the whole group earlier. It’s the same one that is part of most of the many nudes he’s saved on his phone from you.

None of you speaks out loud their thoughts, what you’ve realised, not wanting to ruin the mood. And it doesn’t even matter. After all, you don’t have much time here and it could be at any second that those Seven Minutes In Heaven will end.

So, Jisung lets his hand wander further and you spread your legs automatically. He chuckles, adoring how you follow suit without him having to tell you. It’s odd that you don’t talk but on the other hand you finally found a way to shut him up. And you’re so in trance, you wouldn’t do it any other way.

His fingertips are grazing over your lingerie while his gaze shoots down to where your bodies meet. He chuckles to himself, both because of the fact that he’s finally touching that pretty fabric that he’s been staring at on his phone for months now and because you’re so soaked, just for him.

“Fuck, you’re so wet, doll.”

Doll.

It’s him. Without a doubt.

Jisung pushes the material aside and a high pitched moan spills from your lips, when his fingers push your pussy lips apart, just to find your clit within seconds. At first, you’re surprised, since you know how inexperienced he is but then you realise—this man has been watching you touching yourself for weeks now, he must know your body quite well, knows what you get off to, what motions make you come.

Another whimper leaves your lips, volume slightly increasing, and Jisung is fast to place the palm of his other hand on your mouth, “Shhh, those sweet noises are only reserved for me, yeah?”

You close your eyes so he doesn’t see them rolling to the back of your head. You can feel yourself becoming wetter and wetter with every second, and when he pushes a finger into your aching hole as if he’s done this a thousand times before, you fully surrender.

“You’re so good for me, baby,” he whispers but you barely hear it.

It feels so fucking great. This whole scene. It’s all you’ve ever wanted. You’re so caught up in the moment, moans coming out of you but Jisung drowns them out, that you forget about everything.

Until you hear a voice from the other side of the door.

“Y/N? Are you in there?”

Minho.

Why is your brother back and why’s he looking for you?

Jisung and you come to a halt and he’s fast to pull out and away from you, before he’s adjusting your underwear and sliding back down your dress.

“Answer me, Y/N,” you brother repeats, his voice filled with anger. “Are you in there with Jisung?!”

462 notes · View notes

shine-your-light · 1 year ago

Text

Screen Identity: Mismatched Passion | EP. 2 APATURA IRIS

— contains adult content, minors do not interact 🔞 —

“Then dare me,” you continue. “Dare me to do whatever you want.”

[ warning ]: explicit sexual scenes [includes sexting and video sexting, masturbation (m + f), reader gets called doll, switch dynamics, mention of choking, one small makeout session ], consumption of alcohol, a lot of jealousy from both of them, mention of perv behaviour (jisung)

[ words ]: 6.8K

[ note ]: I'm back with the next chapter!! Thank you for the INSANE suport on the first part, I love and appreciate you guys s much. If you liked this episode too, I'd be very grateful about any kind reblog, comment, ask or DM!! Also, make sure to read The Experience Project, my other series that is part of the same universe!! Lots of love, Cece 🩷

“What on earth?”

You wake up to your roommate Yuna screaming through the shared apartment. Before your eyes open in order to take in the mess, your ears are already able to witness what’s going on. With whatever strength you’ve left—being ripped out of a very pleasant dream about j.0ne—you swing your legs to the side.

You get up and toddle towards where the screeching sound of your friend’s voice evaporated from, just for your feet to come in contact with water. On the floor of your kitchen and bathroom.

“W-What happened?” you ask, half-awake.

“We’ve got a burst pipe. I can’t seem to find a way to stop it,” she says, hysterically although she looks rather calm.

“We can solve this. It’s okay. I’ll call the emergency janitor service.”

Your sleep for the night ends at this point since Yuna and you have to be evacuated from the chaos that is now your apartment. A duffel bag and another backpack is what you take with you, before your roommate and you rush to Hannah who is living on the other side of the city.

The first two days are alright but you soon realise that your best friend’s apartment is way too tiny to fit the three of you. So, you suggest finding another place—despite the protests—telling them you could just stay at your brother’s flat. Sure, it won’t be ideal, regarding the fact that he’s as busy as you and double the amount of annoying, but Yuna doesn’t have another place to be at as long as your shared one is being repaired.

With your bags sticking to your body, you climb up the stairs and ring the doorbell.

“The fuck are you doing here?”

What a welcoming melody.

“Where’s Minho? And why are you here?”

Jisung rolls his eyes. “Taking a shower.”

“Great, I’ll let myself in,” you say, before you push your brother’s best friend away and enter the apartment.

Your belongings land on the floor, splattered out on the ground and you keep on wondering how Minho and you could grow up so similarly—and yet be so different. While his place is neat and tidy, yours isn’t that much of a new level chaos wise after the burst pipe, if you’re honest.

You walk towards the little kitchen and grab yourself some water, before you turn around and take a glimpse at Jisung. He’s scrolling through his phone giggling like a little school girl. You wanna be annoyed. Because everything this guy does brings out built up anger inside of you, but when you watch those heart eyes that are practically glued to the dim lit screen, a weird feeling rises inside your chest that you can’t quite categorise.

“Y/N, hey, why’re you here? Is everything okay?”

You turn around and find your older brother, severely worried why you show up at his place without an announcement. You’re the opposite from spontaneous, so this is nothing like you.

“Burst pipe in our apartment. Can I stay here for a bit?”

“Sure,” he immediately says and walks towards you, patting your head and you cringe a little when he destroys the style that you spent a n ungodly amount of time on to create.

“What– but what about me, Minho?” you hear a voice echoing from the distance, perhaps Jisung, your brain has been doing a good job in ignoring his existence.

“Sorry, man. Is it okay if you stay at Felix’s place?”

Jisung wants to complain. He really does. He came here last night for the same reason, searching for a place after a similar issue in his apartment—he lives in the same student dormitory as you after all so perhaps it’s a general thing—and now he’s getting kicked out.

“Yeah, fine. I have to pack my things first, though,” he says with an annoyed voice but it doesn’t differ much from the tone he uses around you on a daily basis.

“I’m sorry,” your brother repeats.

“It’s okay, I get it.” Because he does. Despite the mixed feelings he’s had for you all his life, Jisung understands that Minho would let you live at his place first before him. After all, he can just go to Felix’s and his roommate’s apartment and sleep on their couch.

Minho gives him a smile, “Cool, thanks, bro.”

“No biggie. I wanted to try out this new DLC with Felix anyway,” Jisung explains.

Your brother’s attention gets caught, as he averts his gaze towards his best friend again. “Ah, great! Let me know what it’s like so I know if I should buy it once I've got more time for gaming again.”

“Which new DLC?” you interrupt them, wanting to know too. You hate when Jisung pretends you’re not in the room when he talks about video games with Minho while being fully aware it’s one of your hobbies too.

“The game is called Levanter. You wouldn’t understand,” Jisung says with a wink.

That bastard. You’re not sure if he knows but it’s one of your favourites too and Minho must have mentioned it at some point when these two were together, right? Or, well, perhaps you’re not necessarily the centre of topics when they’re together. Obviously.

“The fuck you mean? I play this game too,” you tell him.

“Cool,” is all he says before he brings his focus back to your brother. “Ah, Min. I can also ask the girl I’ve been talking to. She said she’s interested as well.”

What? Jisung has been talking to someone? While there’s this odd sensation inside your belly again, you can’t lose an opportunity to mock him.

You get a bit closer, your arms crossed in front of your chest, “A girl? A girl is talking to you? How much are you paying her per hour?”

Jisung rolls his eyes, before he takes a step towards you. Suddenly—when Minho decides to leave the conversation and get back to the kitchen—the atmosphere from a few nights ago at the club is back. You don’t remember much but you have a memory of your brother’s best friend and you standing outside the building, dangerously close to the brick wall. It’s the same again this time. He’s almost towering over you, making your body hit the wall behind you.

His lips are right at your ear now, making you paralysed, as he whispers, “Very funny, Y/N. You won’t believe it but we’re doing a lot more than talking. Just this morning she sent me another pic of herself while arching her back in front of a mirror and wearing nothing but lingerie—just for me.”

That feeling is back again. Eating you alive from the inside. Anger. Fury. Annoyance. All of the above. The jealousy you’re feeling is so harsh that your brain successfully manages to push away the fact that Jisung is talking to someone online, too. Just like you.

So, you decide to play it cool, when you look him in the eyes and scoff, “Who on earth would be so desperate to send nudes to you?”

All he does is laugh, while you watch him click his tongue. You gulp but try to hide it. What is this weird feeling that’s bubbling up inside your stomach? You’re not jealous of Jisung again, are you? You thought you left the stage of crushing on your brother’s best friend in highschool. That’s why you agreed on even going on a date with Seojun when you were finally ready. Well, for nothing.

But you’ve got j.0ne now. He will help you get over whatever feelings are trying to rise up to the surface of your heart again.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” you announce, before you make a turn and head to the bathroom.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: doll

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: how was your day?

The message reaches you when you’re sitting on the couch with Minho in the evening, but you still decide to reply. Your brother doesn’t seem to notice anyway.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Chaotic and stressful

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: But I’m fine

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Now that you’re texting me

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: simp

You giggle. And for a second you fear that Minho hears it but he doesn’t. He’s too occupied with texting as well. Whoever the hell he’s talking to.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Talking about yourself?

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: I have a little something for you

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: make sure to open it in private

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: [attached picture]

You rush to the bathroom, noticing that Minho is now deeply focused on the animal documentary playing on his TV.

Once you’re out of sight for your brother, you open the message and are greeted with a sweet treat after this long and exhausting day.

J.0ne isn’t wearing a shirt—once again—his abs glistening in the dim light of what seems to be his bathroom. Another video follows, almost the same scene, but this time he’s guiding the camera downwards, revealing he’s only got a towel wrapped around his hips.

Until he hasn’t anymore.

The fabric drops down in an instant, revealing his hardening cock to the mirror and his phone. Fuck. You shouldn’t be watching this while being in Minho’s bathroom.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: you’re such a tease, j

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: been thinking about you all day, doll ;)

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: I even had to skip my lecture and go to one of the bathrooms on campus

You can’t believe he decided to touch himself in a public—although hidden—space because of you. The idea of it gets you going and you notice how you're squeezing your legs together.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: and such a pervert.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: I just can’t help myself

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: you sent that pretty picture this morning

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: how am I supposed to think straight hm

This is so wrong. But you can’t help yourself either.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: look what you do to me

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: [attached video]

Fuck. In order to gain some consciousness, you drop down on the chair inside Minho’s bathroom, before you bring your focus back to the chat.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: pls, doll, pls

You like this version of j.0ne too. You’ve learnt a lot about him—and yourself—during these past weeks. He can be the submissive one too, as it seems. And he enjoys it a lot, just as much as you do.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Please, what?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: You need to be a bit more specific.

You like taking the lead as well, especially whenever he’s so desperate for you. It’s a whole different setting but that’s what you adore so much about him. It’s never boring and always so… right. It just feels right, whatever you do with him. As if you’ve known each other for ages.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i need to touch myself

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i’m thinking of you

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: what you’d do with me if i was with you right now

You double check if the door is locked and come back to the chair. You’re not able to help yourself—so while one hand is busy typing another message, the other one wanders inside your pyjama pants.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Tell me more

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Come on, pretty boy

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: I need all the details

Because you do. You want this to be as immersive as possible.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: you’d be sitting on my face

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: riding it

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: until I can’t breathe anymore

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: you’d taste so good on my lips and tongue

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: when you come all over my face

Oh, God. Your fingers have passed your underwear, two of them slipping inside your aching hole without any effort—that’s the effect he has on you.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: More, baby

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: I’m not quite convinced yet

Your thumb is busy stimulating your clit, while you continue to read all his messages.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: then you’d ride me

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: choke me

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: and kiss me stupid

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: but I can’t think properly anymore

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: because your pussy would feel so goddamn good around my dick

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: You’d be a good boy for me, hm?

Oh, of course he would.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: yeah

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i promise

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i’d make you come so many times

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: make you moan my name

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: and you’d keep riding me

Your pyjama shorts and panties are pooling around your ankles now, so you have better access. You keep pleasuring yourself, completely surprised about how easily you’re getting turned on today but you blame it on all the stress.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: fuck

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i need to

You click on the button.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: [incoming video call]

He accepts it.

You watch him stroke his pretty cock and you don’t know if it’s the camera angle, but he looks bigger than usual. And rock hard. Just for you.

You try to drown out your moans but some whimpers still make it to the microphone, when you keep touching yourself, spreading your cunt open while you watch j.0ne getting dangerously close to his high.

It happens in the blink of an eye—hot white spurts of cum land on the mirror in front of him, as his pretty groans fill his bathroom. You reach your climax a little later, trying to desperately drown out all the noises, before you end the call again.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: you were oddly silent today

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: getting shy again , doll?

It’s a mystery to you how he can switch personas so easily.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: I’m at a family member’s place. So I had to be a little quiet.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: hmm

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: such a needy girl

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: can’t even get through one day without touching herself to the thought of me

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: You’re one to say that, J

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: thank you for tonight, baby

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Thank you too 🥰🥰

“Y/N,” Jisung says when he sees you entering the study room he’s booked for you.

“Han,” you reply.

Your enemy rolls his eyes when you pick his family’s name again to refer to him but he brushes it off, before he pulls the chair next to him away from the table for you to sit down.

“Wow, what a gentleman you are.”

He takes a closer look at you once you’re beside him and Jisung can feel his breath get stuck in his throat. His eyes widen but you don’t seem to notice. However, he has observed a certain detail that makes his head spin. Usually, he isn’t that quick with grasping things like this but this can’t be a coincidence, right? He’d remember that jewellery out of a thousand anywhere.

You’re wearing that necklace. That butterfly shaped pendant.

That same one that baby_butt3fly is wearing in all the nudes she sent him. Jisung quickly shakes his head, pushing away the occuring thoughts inside his head. This can’t be, right?

“Han? Are you listening?”

He’s dragged out of his spiral of thoughts, when your voice finds his ears. He shakes his head, trying to gain focus again. “Y-Yeah. Sorry. I’m here.”

When he tilts his head and witnesses your expression, Jisung can tell you’re already annoyed with him.

“Good. Whatever the hell is going on in your stoner head again.” You scroll to the next page of the text you’re currently reading. “Any topic ideas?”

Right, he’s here for the uni project the two of you got assigned to. He’s not here to wonder if there might be a very clear connection between you and the girl he’s been texting.

“What is the class about again? Current problems of the music industry, right?”

You roll your eyes. Wow. He seems to be very prepared for your study meeting. “Yeah.”

“How about something related to AI?” he instantly proposes, surprising you with how quick he has an idea. An idea that you actually find useful.

“Oh, I like that, I constantly complain about it too,” you agree. “Maybe compared with overconsumption. Perhaps, how consumers crave more and more content in a much shorter span of time and artists barely can keep up. You have to be faster and better every day.”

He nods, giving you a smile which you try to ignore, “Love that. Throw in some TikTokification of the creative industry and we’re already there.”

Sometimes it feels as if the two of you share some brain cells. At least considering artsy and creative processes. It’s the same whenever you hang out with Chan in the studio. Your best friend’s brother, Jisung and another shared friend of theirs—Changbin—work part time for a music production firm while you are an employee for the same company—just for a different team with Hannah and Yunjin. So, it’s nothing unusual that you decide to work together from time to time. And you’ve noticed it before, music wise speaking, Jisung and you seem to be on the same page pretty often.

“Wow. I’m surprised that we have a common ground for once in our life,” you still say, ignoring the inner monologue you just had.

“That’s a lie, Y/N,” Jisung replies. Obviously, he must be thinking about all the hours spent inside the studio.

“Hm?”

“Have you forgotten how much we both used to enjoy daring each other with the stupidest shit when we were younger?”

Oh, you remember that one too. Although you didn’t expect him to go this way.

It started out rather harmless, when Jisung had just turned five and you were still four—he will forever make fun of you for being just slightly younger than him, not even a full year—and you were sitting outside in the huge garden behind the house you grew up in. Minho’s father and your mother had just gotten married, giving you a new step brother who made it his new goal in life to always protect you. However, Minho was in bed that day, having caught a bad fever, and when Jisung came over to play there was just you who was there.

You didn’t get along right from the beginning—which hasn’t quite changed until this day—perhaps solely based on the fact of both being rather shy children and not speaking much. Until Jisung told you how his older brother said that girls can’t climb up trees. Fury sparkled inside your eyes and you made your first bet. He dared you to clamber up that old zelkova in the backyard which you did with no effort. From that day on, he kind of admired you although he would never admit that. You looked like a pretty butterfly up there between the limbs and leaves.

“I could never forget about them. After all, I won more often than you,” you tease him, clicking your tongue.

Jisung pretends to be offended although it could be real too. “Excuse me—what? Nah, you’re the loser when it comes to this.”

“Ah, really?”

You lean closer and Jisung can feel his heart drop down to his stomach. He senses his pulse pumping through his veins and he prays for his life that his blood won’t rush down to his dick at any second. But how can he stay normal when you’re so close, wearing that short dress combined with a tight sweater that gives him a nice idea of what you might look like under the fabric. Get it together, Jisung.

“Then dare me,” you continue. “Dare me to do whatever you want.”

Jisung gulps. Fuck. Rationally speaking, he knows you didn’t mean it like this. But he wishes you said this to him in a much more forbidden situation. He shushes the thoughts away, especially when he thinks about the fact that he’s finally got a crush on another girl after all these years of silently and secretly simping for you—his best friend's younger sister. The girl he met online has done a great job to bring his attention away from you and to her. And thinking about you the way he’s done since his teenage years feels utterly wrong, almost like cheating although he’s not in a serious relationship with user baby_butt3rfly. Well, he doesn’t even know what she fully looks like. Or what her name is.

“You want me to dare you to do anything?”

You raise one of your eyebrows. It’s still so much fun to tease Jisung like that. “Hm, anything.”

Until you see his gaze darken.

“I’ve got something for you. Little Miss Innocent.”

“Innocent?”

“Hm, at least that’s what everyone thinks you are. Chan, Minho, Changbin. And I think they’re right. I’ve never seen you with a guy or a girl.”

The dagger that he shoves inside your heart—unaware of the fact that you’re reminded of both Seojun and the fact that he seems to perceive you in a way that differs a lot from reality—hurts and you get thrown off the wagon for a second. But only until you remind yourself that you’re betting with Jisung.

“Not everyone shares their escapades, just so you know,” you say with a wink. You’re not lying. After all, you came in front of your computer camera three nights in a row, while a stranger—Discord user j.0ne—was either calling you his good girl or begged you to call him your good boy with no end. “And you also don’t have to think I’m anything like you, Jisung. I’ve never seen you with anyone either.”

“Alright,” he says, “then whoever finds someone first to passionately make out with tonight at the semester opening party, wins the bet.”

“What’s the loser gonna do?” you ask, leaning back on your chair.

“Oh, you mean, what are you gonna have to do after I win? Uhm, let’s see,” he starts, his eyes wandering around in the study room, as he pretends to brainstorm, “how about, whoever loses the bet has to do 75% of our shared project?”

That seems fair. Although it’s not. But you’re so confident about this bet that you won’t worry. “Ugh, whatever, I’m fine with that. After all, it doesn’t concern me anyway since I’m gonna win.”

Jisung smirks, reaching out his hand and finding yours, palms meeting one another.

“Good luck, Y/N,” he says.

“To you too, Han.”

A few hours later you find yourself on campus with your close friends, a drink in one hand and your phone in the other one, currently taking silly selfies with Yunjin. It’s nice to forget about all the struggles that have been harassing your mind for the past minutes—the drama with Seojun, your apartment issues, the project you have to do with Jisung. Tonight is only about having fun.

And winning a bet.

Well, yeah, speaking of winning a bet—you thought about just making out with one of your female friends but you know that Jisung won’t let that one slide. You wonder if it’s the same thing if you kissed Changbin or Chan, considering they are your friends too, but you’re sure that he’d count that. As dumb and heteronormative as it is. But you have a much higher trust level with your girlfriends than with Hannah’s older brother, that is for sure. So, if you want to make it believable without kissing some stranger because you don’t feel like doing that, Chan might be your victim of the night.

But you push that idea aside, after all you still have time. Jisung is busy buying another round of beers for his friends and himself, when you decide to approach him—confidence being induced by the beverages you’ve had so far.

“Hey, loser,” you greet your brother’s best friend.

He rolls his eyes when he sees you, before taking a sip from his beer, “What are you? A high school bully that wants my lunch money?”

“Duh, I’m calling you a loser because I’m about to win this little game that we’re playing,” you remind him.

He tilts his head. “I told you kissing one of your friends doesn’t count.”

“And kissing one of your friends?”

Faster than Jisung is able to react, he watches you storm off in the distance, searching for a certain someone. Perhaps, it’s not necessarily a friend of his that you have in mind but they for sure are part of the same friend group.

You take a look all over campus, finding a friend that studies the same minor as you. Hwang Hyunjin. He would definitely be down to make out with you. Even more. You’ve never thought you’d get that desperate since you’ve never viewed him in anything but a platonic light but if you wanna win this bet this will do.

But you know that Jisung despises him for whatever reason that you can’t explain. And wouldn’t it be a blast to make out with your enemy’s enemy?

Then you see a girl approach Hyunjin, getting dangerously close to him with two new drinks and he places his lips on her neck. Yeah, screw that. You thought you could count on him but you guess you were wrong.

Okay, abort that mission.

You consider searching for some stranger again but the idea doesn’t really faze you. You’ve never been into one night stands and such—yes, this is only about a little kiss but still—so this idea is immediately deleted again. Apart from that, making out with one of Jisung’s friend just sounds like the most diabolical plan you’ve ever had. It’s like hitting three birds with a stone—you win the bet, you can get on Jisung’s last nerve with it and ignore the jealousy driven feeling that’s been bubbling up inside your stomach the whole day.

What would j.0ne think if he saw you like this? Is this being unfaithful? It’s not as if you’re a couple or anything close to that and you’re sure he’s got a hundred other girls lining up and even sending him nudes—although the idea makes you nauseous—so why should you feel bad?

Well, you still own something called a guilty conscience and it doesn’t feel right to make out with some random guy at a party just to video call your Discord boy later.

But you decide to ignore that part, until another idea enters your mind. You can just ask a friend for help. A certain someone pops up in your mind and you grab your phone from your skirt’s pocket—yes, this one has pockets—to text him. He should be around here too, very likely near Jisung.

[ You ]: Channiiiieee

He immediately responds.

[ Chan 🐺 ]: Yeah?

You type again.

[ You ]: I need a favour 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

[ Chan 🐺 ]: I will not be helping you with any of your dumb bets with Jisung.

How on earth does he know? Jisung must have told him and you’re not even surprised.

[ You ]: Channie pls ):

[ Chan 🐺 ]: What is it this time? Whoever drinks more? Dancing on a table? Something with drugs???

Oh, so he knows about the bet itself but not what it’s about.

[ You ]: No…

[ You ]: Whoever finds someone to make out

[ You ]: Can you pls help me find a person

[ Chan 🐺 ]: I will not.

You sigh, before you type again.

[ You ]: Channie pls ):

[ Chan 🐺 ]: This won’t get you anywhere, Y/N.

Ugh, you can never count on Mr. Drama-free. Is he sure he’s a Libra man?

[ Chan 🐺 ]: I’ve got another idea though.

That sparks curiosity. Well, you’ve had that idea before too but you didn’t want to approach your friend that directly, right?

[ You ]: Yeah???

[ Chan 🐺 ]: We can just make out.

You get reminded of the fact that he’s just a man. A very predictable one like all of them. But he’s willing to help a girl out so you don’t complain.

[ You ]: You’re joking aren’t you??

You pretend to be surprised although this just works right into your plan.

[ Chan 🐺 ]: Hey

[ Chan 🐺 ]: Is the idea of kissing me so disgusting??

If you’re honest, you’ve never thought about it. You don’t view Chan in a light like that. But it’ll be okay in order to win the bet.

[ You ]: No

[ You ]: Tbh you have pretty lips 😊

[ Chan 🐺 ]: You too 😌

However, you don’t quite get why he would even propose that idea, now that you think about it. So, you ask further.

[ You ]: What do you get out of this??

[ Chan 🐺 ]: I saw my ex around here. With the guy she told me not to worry about.

This and another reason related to Jisung that he can’t tell you.

[ You ]: Yikes, I’m sorry…

[ Chan 🐺 ]: It’s okay. So we’ve got a deal?

[ You ]: Yes!!

[ You ]: You’re sure that’s okay? it won’t make anything weird?

Ruining this precious friendship with someone like Chan is the last thing you want.

[ Chan 🐺 ]: It won’t, I promise. I’m just doing this to help my good friend.

[ Chan 🐺 ]: Also, we should make sure Hannah doesn’t see us. She can’t know about this.

Fuck, right. Chan is still your best friend’s brother. How in your success-hungry mind could you not remember that?

[ You ]: Oh god obv yes!! I totally forgot about that part 😳😳

[ Chan 🐺 ]: It’s okay.

[ Chan 🐺 ]: Then come here, babygirl.

You burst out into laughter and the people that are standing next to you start looking your way, but you ignore them.

[ You ]: 💀💀

[ You ]: don’t ever say that again

How on earth are you supposed to stay serious and kiss him when he texts shit like that? Has this ever worked on someone?

[ Chan 🐺 ]: Sorry, it sounded better in my head 😭

[ Chan 🐺 ]: Hurry up now before I change my mind.

Jisung realises that his last drink might have been too much. He gave up on the bet a long time ago, realising that he doesn’t feel like kissing anyone tonight except for you or the girl he’s been talking to online.

God, he’s so pathetic for still having a crush on you after all these years. And here he was thinking that the woman from Discord could maybe distract him a little. The good part about being a bit beyond the level of tipsy is that he forgets about the similarities between you two. That stupid necklace. You’ve probably just bought it on Etsy or somewhere, so it’s just a coincidence that the other girl has it too, right?

He takes a few steps out of the crowd, searching for a garbage can to throw away his empty plastic cup until something crosses his vision that he didn’t want to see at all.

Your lips on Chan’s.

Chan’s lips on yours.

As you two are standing there, he’s grabbing you by the neck, your fingers entangled with his.

You for sure did take the bet seriously. Passionately. That’s what he’d describe this make out session. He wants to drag Chan away from you and replace his lips with his own, showing you who you really belong to although he’s lost his chance a while ago.

Jisung watches you pull away from his older friend, giving him one last peck before Chan whispers something into your ear and leaves you there for a moment. When you turn around, you instantly witness Jisung—after all, you’ve strategically chosen this certain spot to make out with Chan, in the hopes of your enemy to find you.

You chuckle, before you approach him.

“Congrats, Y/N,” he says, avoiding eye contact.

“You’re such a sore loser, Han,” you tease him. And God, you’re so glad that you did what you did. The kiss wasn’t anything spectacular—not that you’ve kissed many people—since Chan and you are nothing more than friends, that’s what you are sure of especially after this kiss. But you seem to be a good actress. On top of that, it helped you get rid of the weird jealousy feeling you’ve been having all day.

“Have a good night,” he says, before he turns around on his feet.

“Jisung, wait–“

That’s all? Something seems off. Perhaps he’s had too much to drink, but when you try to follow him in order to ask him if he’s fine—just like he did with you a couple of days ago—you lose him in the crowd. Fuck. All the calls you leave aren’t answered either.

Meanwhile Jisung is searching for the first exit he finds, fighting for dear life when he feels the tears pricking in his eyes.

You said you were over her.

Get it together, man.

Not in public, do not fucking cry in public, you idiot.

He knows he shouldn’t talk to himself this way but today is just a fucking horrible day, as it seems. The entire subway ride is spent listening to some loud music on his headphones and staring out the window, as Jisung desperately tries to get rid of that scene inside his head of you and Chan kissing.

When he arrives at Felix’s apartment, no one’s at home so he decides to plop down on the couch and turn on the TV.

When Jisung grabs out his phone for the first time, he thinks about texting you. He opens the chat but just stares at the screen for a solid minute, before he closes it again.

Until he receives a notification.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: heyyyy how was your day

Of course, his favourite girl was gonna save the day.

You receive an answer from j.0ne when you’re back home.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: absolute shit tbh

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: but how bout you doll?

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: are you fine?

God, you feel sorry that he’s had similar issues today. But maybe comforting him will help you get your mind off whatever the hell that last interaction with Jisung was.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: hmm I should be

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: I went out with friends but idk my mood kinda went down from one sec to another

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: why’s that?

You don’t feel like opening up at the moment. You trust your new friend, you really do, but distraction is what you need right now.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: idk

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: what’s on your mind, doll?

Why does he need to be so… caring? You could fall in love with him right away.

In case this hasn’t happened yet anyway.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: don’t wanna talk about it

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: that’s fine

You decide to turn the conversation around and towards whatever is going on in his life.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: and you? what pissed you off today?

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: nothing important. just a lot of stress rn and a party I went to was shit so I should have just stayed home.

You feel like this would have been the better option, too. What did you get out of tonight? A few hours of fun with your friends and a stupid bet that you could have lived without. Yeah, kissing someone was nice, but you’d rather have j.0ne with you anyway. So, what’s the use in it?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: yeah, me too

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: then we could have spend some time together you know ;)

One good thing did happen, though. Or, well, it did not happen.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: but hey at least I didn’t see my ex at the party this time

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i’m glad!

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: this guy should stop haunting you

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: or I’m gonna find him and break his nose

You catch your lower lip between your teeth, imagining j.0ne as your knight in shining armour, who protects you from all the evil in this world—Seojun.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: J… I’ve never seen you so violent

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Kinda hot ngl

You are turned on by his sentence, you can’t deny that.

But he switches the conversation around, since he doesn’t seem to be in the mood for anything like this and that’s okay.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: you’re cute

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Cute? You think I’m cute?

You don’t know what he means with that. Whenever Seojun called you cute, he used that word to belittle you, make you feel like an unrealistic dreamer.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i think you’re adorable, doll

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i enjoy talking to you

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: spending time with you

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: not just sexually

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: generally

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: you manage to put a smile on my face every day so thank you for being in my life

Oh, God. You’re gonna cry. How is your heart supposed to survive this?

Is he even real?

You doubt it more every day.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Woah

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Simp

There was no way you were gonna miss this chance.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: 🙄🙄

Still, you decide to show him the same thankfulness.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: I’m kidding

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: I’m glad to have you too J ❤️

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: You’ve helped me so much

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: I can’t talk to anyone the same way that we do

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Not even my closest friends

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: So, thank you for being here

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: ❤️❤️

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: can I share something with you?

You decide to get a bit more comfortable on the sofa, taking a quick glimpse to the front door of your brother’s apartment but he doesn’t seem to be home yet.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Always, go on

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: before I start, no need to get jealous, yeah? I only have eyes for you but I saw a girl at a party tonight that I used to have a crush on…

Your heart drops down. At least by a kilometre. Although he told you to not get jealous, how are you supposed to just ignore that?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Oh

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Did… did you talk or?

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: not really

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i saw her kissing one of my friends

Oh, God. That’s awful. That’s even worse than seeing your ex and Nabi holding hands on campus.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Fuck I’m sorry

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: I relate too much with my ex

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Not trying to make this about myself!!

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Just trying to say that I get what it feels like and I’m sorry

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: You deserve so much better you know that, right?

You realise you’re rambling. You always do that whenever you’re trying to help someone that you like.

That you like?

Yeah, well, J.0ne is a good friend, right?

Although you wished he’d be more to you than some online friend that you occasionally get off with together.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: do I?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Yeah, J

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: I bet your even better irl

You’re sure about it.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: better?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Don’t make me say it

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: but I want you to say it

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: come on

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: be a simp for me for once

You roll your eyes but continue texting anyway.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: fine 🙄🙄

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: i bet you’re even more attractive irl

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: i know I’d feel safe around you

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: you know the other night when I was drunk,,, how you immediately ignored all my flirting and all

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: doll

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: that’s the bare fucking minimum. this doesn’t make me better.

Your heart aches a little, knowing he’s right.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: maybe my experiences were shit with men and that’s why I praise you for this

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: but it’s not just that

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: i have a feeling that you’re a wonderful person inside and outside

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: boyfriend material you know

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: boyfriend material? You want me to be your boyfriend?

Yes, the answer is yes. But you should meet him in the real world first, right?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: maybe…

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: no rush tho

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: we wanted to get to know each other first

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: does this mean you’re ready to meet me irl?

You are. You absolutely are.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: I think I am

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: okay

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: me too

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i’m going on a camping trip with friends this weekend

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: why don’t you join us?

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: there’s another girl with us too and I think you would become friends with her in an instant

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: she’s a good friend of mine

You wonder if he’s talking about the girl he took care of that was drunk. But you don’t care. The idea sounds lovely. You can’t wait to meet him. Finally.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i’ll send you the details tomorrow, doll

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: sweet dreams ❤️

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Okay!!

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Goodnight, J ❤️

Before you decide to get ready for bed, you open the chat with Jisung another time and send him a quick message after contemplating for far too long.

[ You ]: Hey, I hope you made it back home safely. You don’t have to do 75% of our project, we will do this the fair way so don’t worry (:

You wait for a text back. You wait more. And even more. But Jisung never replies to you.

#eekkk what’s gonna happen when they realize who they’ve been talking to👀#stray kids x reader #stray kids x you #stray kids scenarios #stray kids smut #stray kids imagines #skz x reader #skz imagines #han jisung fanfic #han jisung x reader #han jisung imagines #han jisung scenarios #han jisung smut

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shine-your-light · 1 year ago

Text

Ahhh I’m finally done with uni so I can indulge in this heavenly piece of work🤭

Screen Identity: Mismatched Passion | EP. 1 PAPILIO ULYSSES

— contains adult content, minors do not interact 🔞 —

“I know we don’t like each other,” you’ve made that very clear, Y/N, “but I will always make sure you’re safe, yeah?”

[ warning ]: explicit sexual scenes [includes sexting and video sexting, masturbation (m + f), reader gets called doll, praise kink, mention of choking ], consumption of alcohol and being drunk, mention of break up, cheating and slut shaming (?)

[ words ]: 7.3K

[ note ]: I'm so sorry for the long wait but the first part of my new series is finally here. In case you liked it make sure to leave a comment, reblog or slide into my asks or DMs. I always appreciate any kind of kind interaction and feedback. Also, make sure to read The Experience Project, my other series that is part of the same universe!! Lots of love, Cece 🩷

— Two months ago —

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: gg

You stare at the message. Why is the person you just beat in the last round texting you privately instead of using the group chat?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: uhm wrong chat?

You have never talked to them before let alone engaged outside of the huge server you’re on, so it confuses you. It’s nothing out of the ordinary but it still surprises you.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: we’re on the same gaming server and you just won the game again, so gg

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: why are you texting privately to tell me good game?

Seeing the person typing, you wait for an answer before the notification sound echoes through your bedroom.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: no, not gg as in good game, gg as in good girl ;)

Oh, God. You should have seen it coming. Well, it’s better than the usual insults you get on a daily basis for the lame fact of being a woman and men’s ego—or dick size—being so small they can’t handle a female gamer’s existence.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: what if I was a 50 year old dude

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i don’t discriminate by gender or age

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: are you tho

You chuckle. For the first time in several hours. You don’t have a reason today after all. Seojun—your now ex boyfriend—broke up with you out of the blue, not really giving you any good explanations except for it’s not you it’s me or we don’t match as well as I thought.

Since you don’t want to annoy your best friend Hannah who is currently working on her thesis, you decided to drown your sorrows in freshly baked cheesecake, sugary lemonades and a couple of rounds of your current favourite video game.

You feel pathetic but you allow yourself to be that way for some time. It’s better to let feelings out and deal with them before they can turn into a bigger mess or else you end up like your older brother—a wannabe tsundere who starts crying at any slightly emotional scene during a movie marathon.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: No, I’m a woman. That just beat you in a game three times in a row.

You decide to tease that mysterious guy. After all, there’s nothing to lose and you can use a little distraction.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: yeah this is why I decided to text you

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: kinda hot ngl

Perhaps you’re in fact a little pathetic, considering the fact this comment just made you feel flustered.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Thank you? You’re actually the first guy to say that. Usually, I get insulted on here for being a girl. 🥰

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: sorry about that, some men are just insecure I guess 🤷🏻‍♂️ sometimes I am embarrassed about my own species

Okay. So the person is a man.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: how old are you btw?

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: if it’s okay i’m asking ofc

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: i’m 22 and you?

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: 23 :)

You just decide to trust him here. Sure, there are lots of creeps out there but this guy seems to be rather decent.

Noticing something else—regarding his username—you keep the conversation going.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: What’s your name about?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: J.Zero-N-E? Is that some hint at 2NE1?

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: j.One. it’s the letter O.

Huh? You catch a closer glimpse of the name on your screen, shining in bright letters on the dark background. This is definitely not an O.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: But you used the number zero.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: perhaps I’m saving that letter O

The hell is he talking about?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: For what?

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: it’s what your mouth will be shaped into when I make you come on my dick, baby

What a fool you are for thinking this man wasn’t like all the others.

It’s funny though. Or your humour is just broken at this point.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: 😂😂😂

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Oh, pretty boy please. Don’t think you have a chance here. Has this ever worked on someone?

He types. Then he stops. He types again and sends his message.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: okay, tbh J.One with an O was already taken. but I’m not. i’m single and ready whenever you are.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Why are you such a simp? Jesus Christ…

For a long time in your life you thought that there’s nothing less attractive than a man that runs after a woman, doing everything to gain her attention while making a fool out of himself.

Until Seojun said something so devastating to you earlier that you realised there’s a worse type in men when it comes to flirting.

Those who make you feel small for your interests and desires. You can instantly sense yourself spiralling again, thinking back to how he told you that you’re too weird and too openly minded all the time, admitting he realised he prefers women who are reserved and perhaps even virgins.

The craziest thing of all this is that you’re inexperienced too. Your body count hasn’t managed to get past the number one but Seojun made it seem as if you were the opposite. He was the one to take your virginity, which just makes this even more fucked up.

But you decide to focus on the conversation with the somewhat funny stranger instead.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: tsk what

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i’m not a simp wdym

Says the simp. He’s entertaining, that j.0ne guy. You should just see where this goes and make the best out of your evening by chatting with this mysterious gamer.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: you are

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: and a pretty bad one lmao

You notice something else now. He’s got a cute little emoji attached to his odd username and you soon realise it’s an animal too, just like your butterfly one.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: why the squirrel tho?

You see him typing while you take a sip from your lemonade and grab a handful of the crisps that you put in a bowl some time ago, soon realising it’s almost empty again.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: I’m fast ;)

A laughter bursts out of you and you almost swish the crisps bowl down the table.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: sexually speaking this isn’t a good thing…

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: oh god this is not what I meant

You can imagine what he looks like right now—face as red as a tomato while the colour reaches up to his ears. Although you have no idea what he looks like in general. Not that it would matter, though.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: you’re calling me god already? 😌

You’ve missed this version of you. The teasing, flirty one that only ever comes out when you feel comfortable around a person. With Seojun it was like this in the beginning too, until he became weirder and weirder with every approach you made towards him.

You’ve been pushing those thoughts aside but thinking back—what if there was another reason for both the breakup and his change in behaviour? You don’t want to believe it, but the bubbling pain inside your stomach tells you there might be a slight chance that he has met someone else. Perhaps even dating another person while still being with you.

Nausea takes over your body. You take another sip from the lemonade and from your water bottle that’s on top of your desk as well, before your eyes shift towards the screen again.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: don’t get flustered, doll. you haven’t told me your name after all.

Doll. You hate to admit but you kinda like that he calls you by a pet name instead. This makes this whole situation even more forbidden. Although nothing about this is forbidden at all. You’re single, you don’t have any history with that stranger, so why the ongoing thoughts?

Still, you decide to lead him on some more, rile him up. He for sure doesn’t deserve to know your actual name just now and besides that, you’re always careful with what information you hand out to literal strangers online.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: you’ve gotta earn that. I don’t give such private information out to anyone :)

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: oh? you want me to beg for it?

You gulp. You’ve always thought you’re more on the submissive side. Well, there was a situation when you asked your now ex boyfriend if you could try switching roles and he looked at you as if your words just made his fragile masculinity crack like a raw egg.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: I’m not surprised at all you’re offering that

That j.0ne guy does give off vibes that fit some submissive agenda. You can tell just by this little interaction with him.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i’m not. i usually prefer to be the dominant part, you know.

You laugh out loud. Yet again. Wow, you really didn’t expect some random dude online to distract you from that horrific breakup you went through just half a day ago. You could get used to this.

Okay, calm down. Perhaps anything could put a smile on your face after all this shit.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: I don’t believe you lmao

Because you don’t. Not if this man has been nothing but the textbook definition of a simp so far. Not that you complain, though. It’s nice to have someone to give you all their attention despite how selfish it sounds. You allow yourself to be this way for tonight and j.0ne seems to be willing to grant you exactly this.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: want me to prove it to you?

A smirk forms on your lips.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: isn’t this the most subby thing to say

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i-

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: you’ll see, doll

The use of the name lets adrenaline rush through your veins.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: looking forward to it 🤭

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: well, and until then I’ll just keep calling you doll 😏

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: and show you what I actually mean with being fast

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: fast to make you come

Your ex never called you any pet names—neither when on dates with you nor in bed. If any, he made you feel bad for the kinks you were wanting to explore, always making you feel weird or different about your desires. Almost ashamed, if you’re honest. A shiver runs down your spine at the thought of it. How he made you feel humiliated—not in the good way as you suggested to him, rather mentally and not sexually speaking at all.

You’ve been wondering if something is wrong with you and you’re aware that this guy you’ve been chatting with for—a quick glimpse at the time—half an hour can’t answer that question for you either. But you first wanna start with finding yourself again and trying to figure out what it is that you want in your life. Generally speaking but also from a potential future partner that hopefully isn’t anything like Seojun.

It would be ridiculous to say that you think of j.0ne that way. You literally met thirty minutes ago, he could be lying about his whole identity and live on Pluto for what you know. So, you decide to slow it down, always with the idea lingering in the back of your mind that you want to keep this conversation going for just a little longer.

Despite the fact that this little use of pet names and teasing does in fact turn you on. God, Y/N, you’re touch deprived as it seems. Not surprising at all after these past weeks with your ex.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: what happened to getting to know each other first?

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: why not both?

— Today —

You feel as if someone injected bleach straight into your veins. Perhaps, this would hurt even less than the scene that your eyes are currently witnessing.

His arm is snug around her shoulder, pulling the beautiful girl towards him as if they’ve done this a thousand times before. It seems as if this gesture is familiar, common to them.

You should have known. Well, deep down you did know. Especially since Hannah has been telling you nothing but these exact suspicions for the past two months. Then why is the pain so humiliating if you’ve already grasped it?

Seojun didn’t just break up with you because you didn’t match. He ended things because, apparently, he’s already had another girlfriend. Sure, you can’t prove that he cheated on you and you feel your insides turn out at the sheer thought of it but it hurts nonetheless.

Kim Nabi. Yes, her name means nothing else than butterfly. Your favourite animals. And it seems as if you weren’t good enough for Seojun. But how are you supposed to compete with a girl that looks like a literal fairy and is an A+ medical student?

Meanwhile you’re here, barely passing your classes and cursing yourself for majoring in music production. It’s lots of fun, sure, but you could have done something that’s less exhausting and time consuming for sure.

But Y/L/N Y/N never takes the easy path. And you know you’re gonna be okay. Regarding your studies. Regarding Seojun. Regarding anything else.

“Watch where you’re going,” you hear a familiar male voice spit out, right after the source of the noise bumps his shoulder right into yours, fully on purpose.

You roll your eyes and scoff, “Good morning to you too, Han.”

Calling your brother’s friend by anything but his family name is weird. It’s not as if you’re trying to be extraordinarily formal with him but he should know that you’re nothing close at all besides the fact that he’s been besties with Minho since you all were in kindergarten.

Han Jisung has many faces and personalities of which all of them manage to annoy you on a daily basis. When you were children, he used to either steal your plushies and hide them or tug your hair just for the fun of it. Once you were older, entering your teenage years, he started becoming both a bit distant but also began his manipulative strategies that included scaring off any male individual that came too close to you. Whenever you called him out on it, he babbled something along the lines that your older brother told him to do that. Since Minho isn’t that fascinated about you—his younger and oh so innocent sister—having a boyfriend either, he played along.

So, now you find yourself here, in your third year of college, severely confused and fed up about the fact that the only guy you’ve ever been in a relationship with and went beyond kissing is Seojun. Yikes. Perhaps, if Minho and Jisung had allowed you to have some dumb and even hurtful experience a few years ago you would be a bit better at categorising which men to date and which to stay away from. And you for sure wouldn’t spend all your nights chatting and sexting with a stranger on Discord for the past two months.

“Is he bothering you again?”

Your best friend has been standing next to you for God knows how many minutes but you didn’t notice her.

“What’s new?” you say, rolling your eyes.

Hannah pulls you into a quick but thoughtful hug, “How’re you, dear?”

“Just… I just saw Seojun holding hands with Nabi,” you blurt out, knowing that you won’t be able to hide any emotions or secrets from your best friend. Except for a single one. A very particular one that includes a certain guy you met online and whom you haven’t told anyone in your close circle about.

“What a fucking asshole, I swear if I see him–“

“No violence, Hannah,” you interrupt her.

She gasps. “Who are you and what did you do to my best friend?”

“Funny. Shall we get to class?”

“Sure,” she giggles before she reaches for your hand and intertwines it with yours, pulling you towards the lecture hall.

Once you’re there, you place your bag down and tell your best friend that you need a minute in the bathroom. It could have been an illusion—you wouldn’t be surprised—but you think you received a message from the one and only j.0ne on Discord and for sure you have to see what he’s up to. Since he’s a college student too, school is starting for him today as well and you’ve been thinking about a naughty little gesture that should motivate him to get him through the day. After all, you’re very thankful for what he’s given you these past weeks—endless talks about anything bothering you in life but also hot pics and videos that made it kind of hard for you to not slip your fingers past your pyjama shorts whenever you’ve been having trouble falling asleep at night.

You disappear inside one of the stalls and reach for your phone. You were right. He texted you and it takes every strength inside you to not start giggling in a public place.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: have a good first day of uni, doll 🩵

Conversations with him have been kind of versatile. User j.0ne has many faces and personalities of which all of them manage to excite you on a daily basis. Sometimes the two of you are teasing each other with no end, then you get back to philosophising about life. He’s helped you a lot regarding getting over your ex these past weeks and you wouldn’t want to miss it.

That’s why you’ve prepared something for him. You open your phone gallery and choose the media in question, before you hit ‘send’.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: [ attached image ]

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: you too 😘

It doesn’t take him less than half a minute to bombard you with text messages.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: doll

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: fuck me

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: I’m in the middle of a lecture are you fucking kidding me

Goal achieved.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: you’re welcome ;)

You wait for him to reply again and what follows is everything you ever needed from your number one SIMP. It’s not as if you have anything going on with anyone else, but receiving attention from j.0ne keeps you excited, no questions.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i indeed am 🥵

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: you’re literally unreal 😫

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: a gift sent from heaven

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: supernatural almost

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: should start calling you an angel instead 😇

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: or a witch regarding the fact I’m trying hard (pun intended) to hide my boner in class 🫣

A smirk is plastered all over your face and you wished you could see him right now, sitting in a lecture, cheeks and ears flushed red, his cock definitely hard as rock being neglected inside his pants and there’s nothing he can do. Because you’re not there and you won’t be. Besides the fact that you both realise that you live in the same city, you haven’t agreed on meeting—yet. Which makes this even more fun to tease him.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: that red lingerie suits you best

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: everything suits you best tbh with those pretty tits 🤤

The boost this gives for your ego—especially after seeing Seojun and Nabi—is out of this world. However, you shouldn’t miss your own lecture either, so you wrap this up and decide to come back to him later.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: pay attention to the class, j.0ne 🙂

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: text you later!! ❤️

When you get back to the lecture hall, Hannah is already waiting for you, her gaze fixated on a certain someone.

“What the fuck is this idiot doing here?” she asks, pointing at Chan in the distance who is just about to approach you two.

“Your brother?”

“Yeah, or do you see someone else who qualifies for that position?”

“Since Minho isn’t here, no,” you reply.

“We will forever suffer as the younger sisters, hm?”

You probably will. Perhaps, this is one of the reasons Hannah and you get along so well since you both know the struggles too damn much.

“Hey, Hannah,” Chan says, getting closer, “hey, Y/N, how’re you?”

“Fine, fine,” you answer, meaning it. While Hannah—for obvious reasons—doesn’t get along with her older brother that well, Chan and you have been becoming friends throughout the last year since he is helping you a lot with uni because he majored in the same field as you. You’re glad to have him in your life, it’s almost as if he is your older brother too. Not in a way that Minho is, for sure, because you talk about topics with Chan that your actual brother isn’t aware of—for instance the Seojun drama.

“You’re still up for studying tomorrow?”

“Yeah, sure! I didn’t forget in case you’re implying that,” you say with a wink.

Chan places the palm of his hand on his chest, “I would never. Also, just to clear things—I’m here because I work as a tutor with the class that you guys have to take for this lecture and that’s why I listen to the lecture as well.”

Hannah’s older brother has already graduated college, now working as a tutor while partaking in his PhD programme. You look up to him, without a doubt. You barely know anyone who is as hardworking and talented as him and you can always learn a lot from Chan. He says a quick goodbye to you, before he approaches the professor that has now reached the lecture hall and starts discussing something with him.

“So,” Hannah starts, once her brother is out of sight, “you’re up for drinks tonight? The other girls are there, too.”

You’re not sure. On one hand, you love nothing more than a girl’s night. On the other hand, it still feels so fresh to go outside and live life again after the breakup. But perhaps that’s what you need to do to finally get over your ex.

“Count me in.”

“It’s so fucking loud in here, I can barely hear the shit you’re saying,” you scream into Yuna’s ear and she nods. Your choice of words isn’t the prettiest but all the alcohol in your system does your thinking tonight. After all, you saw Seojun and Nabi again, which resulted in your friend group and you changing clubs and heading to this crowded place instead. It's loud, your boots are sticking to the floor and you’ve been dangerously close—three times—to getting someone’s beverages downed all over your black dress.

“Sure, I’ll get another drink for you, darling!” Yuna yells before she leaves you standing there.

Yeah. She obviously did not understand anything you said but you’re not here to complain. You’re already a few too many drinks into the night. Another one won’t do any much more harm, right?

You decide to take a step away from the crowd, walking towards the entrance of the club to go outside for a bit and catch some air. In order for Hannah and Yuna to not worry about you, you text a quick message to the three friends group chat with a weird name. Yunjin, Lily and Minjeong already left half an hour ago, being the responsible part of the group while your best friend, your roommate and you decided to stay here a little longer.

Once you’ve made it outside, you take a deep breath, closing your eyes. It’s nice to calm down for a bit. The situation with your ex let the common anxiety bubble up in your stomach and head but the amount of alcohol managed to push it away for some time. Until you’re sober again tomorrow.

“Y/N.”

You open your eyes again just to roll them in annoyance when you see him. Of course, he had to be here too. Perhaps, your brother isn’t straying that far from him either. It sometimes really feels as if he’s following you and trying to keep an eye on what you’re doing. Chan and his friends aren’t like that. You envy Hannah for that.

“Han,” you say in a monotone voice.

He scoffs, his arms crossed in front of his chest and you can see—thanks to the tank top he’s wearing—that he’s been hitting the gym more often with Minho again. “Still calling me by my family's name after all these years?”

“Well, I wasn’t aware we’re friends,” you shrug your shoulders and look away in the distance.

Jisung chuckles and takes a few steps towards you, until you’re almost caged between the brick wall behind you and his body. You gulp, watching the reflection of the moonlight inside his eyes. Or perhaps it’s just a streetlight. What the hell do you know when you’re in a state like this?

“We’re not? That’s devastating to know,” he bluffs, giving you a pout. Jisung loves the makeup you’re wearing tonight. He always adores all the creative things you do with your face—from the black thick eyeliner wings to the glitter that often decorate your face, but it’s the bright red lipstick that’s threatening to hypnotise him tonight. Fuck, what he’d do to kiss those pretty lips of yours, just to shut you up for once whenever you talk back to him.

Jisung and your history goes far back, almost as old as his friendship with your brother. Despite all the teasing stuff and pranks he’s pulled, your brother’s best friend and you have always been in some rival dynamic. Similar hobbies when growing up and now majoring in the same field made you stay together, soon becoming something other people call enemies. You’re constantly competing with one another and you’re sure most of your motivation in college comes solely from your desire to be better than him in everything.

However, during the past years there has been blooming another aspect between you that’s a bit different. Sexual tension. Although none of you two would ever admit that. Not even while being as drunk as you are right now.

You roll your eyes again. “What d’you want, hm?”

His demeanour suddenly shifts, and does a full turn. Jisung blinks a few times and takes a closer look at your face.

“Fuck, how many drinks did you have?”

“Uhm, three?” You question, while holding up four fingers and squinting one of your eyes.

“God. Drink this here,” he hands you his glass.

“What’s it? Vodka?”

You just take a sip without waiting for an answer, realising his choice of beverage tastes pretty bland.

“Close. Water. I’ll go find Yuna and Hannah,” he says while tilting his head towards the entrance of the club.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom in the meantime,” you announce, before a hick up follows.

“Okay, then wait there, yeah?”

“Okay, Ji,” you say, nodding.

He gulps, before he reaches for your hand and brings the two of you inside the building again.

Once you’re in the bathroom and inside a stall, you grab out your phone and send a message to the man who’s been occupying your mind for some weeks now.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: heyyy you’re up?

You immediately get a few messages back.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: sorry I’ll be right back doll

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i’m out with friends and one of them needs my help

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: doesn’t know how to handle drinks and all

J.0ne could really be the man of your dreams. Or that’s just the alcohol talking. You wonder what he would be like if he took care of you that way. You’re sure you’d instantly feel safe in his presence. You’re sure he’d make you feel comfortable. You’re sure he’d protect you from all the evil in this world.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: you’re such a sweetie sometimes j.0ne

You can feel heat rising to your cheeks, thinking about him.

Until he sends two more texts and the being flustered gets turned into pure jealousy.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i’m literally doing the bare minimum

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: she’s had too much and i’m looking for her friends

Hm. So he’s got someone in real life to take care of the way he should be protecting you, huh?

Your toxic thoughts get interrupted, when Yuna and Hannah find you—also severely drunk—ready to take you home. Catching a last glimpse of Jisung—not expecting him to be the one to get help for you of all people—you wave goodbye to him and leave the venue.

Once you reach your shared apartment, Yuna and you take off your makeup and head to each of your bedrooms. When you plug your phone into the charger, you realise you received a message some time ago, probably when you were still at the club.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i’m back doll

Perhaps it’s the fact you’re still drunk and over emotional from today, but you’re in the mood to start a fight. And user j.0ne is your victim.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: why you textin me when you have a gf

You know this is unreasonable of you but you want to know how he reacts, as fucked up as it sounds.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: gf?

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i don’t have a gf?

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: why do you say this?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: The friend you’re takin caer of

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Is she nt your gf

You feel ashamed. But you’ll apologise in the morning.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: doll…

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: 1) she’s just a friend and I’m just doing the bare minimum so that no men will take advantage of her when she’s wasted in a bar. i won’t be justifying myself for this.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: 2) you’re drunk too aren’t you?

You immediately feel bad for being like this. You feel sorry.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: 1) I’m soryr this was shitty of me. Youer rgiht yea

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: 2) no I’m as sobre as tomato

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: the fuck is that supposed to mean??

Well, if you only knew. But nothing makes sense any more after all the emotional torture you’ve been put in and all the intoxication swimming inside your veins.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: I don’t know my head s sipnning lol

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: Drink some water.

Your Discord man rarely texts with correct grammar and in combination with the dominant vibes he’s giving off, you could get used to such behaviour. Fuck. Why are you getting turned onby some gamer boy telling you to drink water? Is this really how low you've dropped, Y/N?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: I like wehn you get domniant kike this yu know ;)

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: Doll, I think I just had a stroke reading this sentence.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: Despite that, stop flirting with me when you’re drunk.

You let out a laugh and blame it on being drunk. However, you’re also sad about the rejection you’re receiving although the—currently absent—rational part of your brain tells you it’s the right decision.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Why???? ;(

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: The fact I have to explain this to you. No sexual comments whatsoever if you’re under the influence, okay? We have an agreement.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: What a shame ;( wuold lov to be with yu rn ngl

During the past two months there have been some occasions of the both of you dropping hints here and there that you should meet. Still, you haven’t managed to see each other in real life since j.0ne and you are too shy to do that.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: Yeah, me too, so I can make you drink some water and sober up.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: One question: are you at home or still out?

You roll around in your bed, reaching for your pillow.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: At home ;) wear8ng that skimpy red pyjama that yiu love and nothin underneth

You still can’t live a day without teasing him.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: I’ll ignore this one.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: Do you have some water with you?

There’s a full bottle on your nightstand table which is why you snap a quick pic of it and send it to him.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: [attached image]

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: Okay, drink all of it.

You do as you’re told, chugging down tthe liquid, as you start panting once you’re done. This was a great idea. Your head will thank you for it tomorrow morning. You decide to add another pic of the now empty bottle to the chat with the mysterious guy.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: [attached image]

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Done!!

And the next message from him starts sparking something inside you—if you weren’t both so drunk and tired.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: Good girl.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: You’re mean J ;((

He is. He knows what he’s doing.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: J? You’re calling me J now?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Hmm you like it??

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: I’d like it more if you put yourself under your blanket so you don’t catch a cold and go to sleep. We can always talk tomorrow, okay?

You roll your eyes but do as you’re told.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Okay fine,,, then I’ll go to sleep and the j.0ne thta alway visits my draems will take care of me isntead hihi

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: Sweet dreams, baby ❤️

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: Goodnight 🦋😇

You wake up with the worst headache known to mankind and you don’t wanna imagine what it would feel like if you didn’t have the bottle of water before falling asleep.

Unfortunately, you still remember everything. How you saw Seojun and Nabi at the bar. How Jisung talked to you. How your friends brought you home. And how you started a fight with j.0ne for no reason.

You reach for your phone and open the chat, staring at the letters before you switch down the brightness of the screen and activate ‘night shift’ mode.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: good morning

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: I wanna apologise

Of course he’s online, already texting you back.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: for what?

You take a deep breath before your fingers start hitting the phone screen.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: for the comment i made about you having a gf. i was drunk and a little jealous but i’m super happy you’re helping your friend like that. i shouldn’t get jealous over you just doing something any man should do in a situation like this. you did everything right and i hope your friend is okay??

It doesn’t take him long to answer.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: thank you, doll

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: she’s fine, no worries. her best friend brought her home.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: how are you tho?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: hungover 😅

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: but it’s fine

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: what about you??

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i’m always in a good mood whenever we’re texting

You roll your eyes while a smirk is decorating your face.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: simp

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: and not even ashamed of it 😌

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i have something for you

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: a little revenge for what you pulled yesterday morning

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: [attached image]

He put a spoiler warning over the message, so that you only see what picture he sent once you tap on it. Which is what you do. You get surprised with a view that should be forbidden. It’s a picture of him—his toned and tanned abs are visible, while he’s groping his bulge through the grey sweatpants, visibly hard.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: holy shit

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: i have to get up and get ready for uni

However the hell you’re supposed to do that in the state you’re in and your Discord boy sending you semi-nudes.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: me too baby but i thought this would help you wake up

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: i’m very much awake now thank you

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: fuck look at those abs

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: i’m also very much horny now thank you for that one too

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: that makes two of us

It seems as if j.0ne is always horny. At least whenever he texts you. But you don’t mind. It’s great to finally have someone to live up to your fantasies and dark desires, although it’s not happening in real life. He’s helped you a lot with your… sexual frustration and insecurities that Seojun has caused and you’re thankful for that. In many ways.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: not even surprised tbh

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: you wanna make up for yesterday?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: i didn’t do anything wrong 😇

You don’t even notice how much you’re grinning, as you turn around on your back and impatiently wait for another text.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: we both know that’s a lie

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i thought you wanted to be a good girl for me at all times hm

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: and now look at you being a brat

Oh, if he could only see the pout on your pretty face right now.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: i’m not a brat !!

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: just desperate :(

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: always here to help you darling

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: why don’t you touch yourself a little for me hm

You get up, still sitting on your bed as your ass crashes down on your calves and your knees hit the mattress. Opening your camera app, you switch to selfie mode and guide the focus to your upper body. One hand comes up and starts squeezing one of your tits, while you snap a picture.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: anything for you ☺️

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: [attached image]

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: fucking hell

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: take that thing off

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i need to see the full view

Just a little bit—you tug down the fabric, revealing your naked chest to the camera.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: [attached image]

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: like this? :)

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: yeah

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: oh god

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: what id do to have my face squished right between these two

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: simp

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: but my favourite one

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i need more pls

You know that user j.0ne is already stroking his pretty cock—you’ve done this a couple of times before by now.

Adjusting your position, you lean back and part your legs, placing your phone against your blanket that’s turned into a makeshift wall to stabilise the device on its own. You click on ‘video’ and start filming yourself for a few seconds. The touch of your own fingers will do, at least you hope so, when you start grazing over your mound and wander down to brush over your soaked but covered pussy.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: [attached image]

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: you’ve been warned

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: fuck you’re soaking

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: drenched

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: absolutely wet

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: for me hm?

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: just for you

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: [attached video]

Another video follows, you’ve pushed the pyjama shorts aside and j.0ne can watch you play with yourself, just like he asked you to.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: baby

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: what you’re doin to me should be illegal 🥵🥵

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: i wish it was your fingers inside me :(

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: [attached video]

The squelching sounds are echoing through your room and in the video, as you’re trying to fit a finger after another, soon realising it won’t ever be enough. He could make you feel so much better with his pretty hands—one of them pleasuring your pussy while the other is wrapped around your throat, adding pressure to the sides. What you’d do for this to happen in real life.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i’m so hard doll

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: [attached video]

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: need your lips wrapped around my dick

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: you’d look so pretty choking on it

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: your eyes watering while you’re drooling all over it

The video is like a free five star meal. The grey sweatpants are pulled down enough for his erection to spring free and j.0ne doesn’t waste any time to start stroking his length, squeezing it and letting out little whimpers and moans.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: id make you come so fast i promise

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: over and over again

You keep rubbing your clit with your thumb while three of your fingers are dipping inside your hole, stretching you out just right.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: video call?

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: [incoming video call]

Your heart stops.

But your brain has turned into mush and you can’t think properly anymore. So, you accept.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: yes please

A live version of all those videos is even better. You keep fingering yourself as you watch him stroke his dick faster and less than a minute later, he is the one to observe you coming all over your hand. You let out the prettiest moan his ears have ever witnessed, triggering his own orgasm in the process and you wish he was in the same room with you right now, so you could fully take care of each other.

Heavy panting is reaching the microphones, before he ends the call again.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: sorry for ending the call so abruptly

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: i’m still shy and all

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: you just came all over your stomach for me and call yourself shy??

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: with talking, doll

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: yeah makes sense :D

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: it’s okay don’t worry

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: we will do everything at our pace yeah?

It’s not as if you are ready yet, either. You adore what the both of you have.

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: of course

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: you were so good for me btw

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: such a good girl

[ j.0ne 🐿️ ]: good luck with uni and have a nice day, baby ❤️

A smile forms on your lips.

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: thank you 😇

[ baby_butt3rfly 🦋 ]: you too ❤️

You’re somewhat normal again when you reach the classroom of your first course today. Sure, the hangover is still unbearable but you’ll manage to get through the day. There are already many people when you arrive, so you just drop down on one of the chairs in the back of the room that isn’t taken.

“How are you?”

Oh, fuck. Perhaps you should have paid at least a little attention when choosing a seat, since you are now right next to Han Jisung.

“Uhm, I feel like shit,” you confess. “Thank you for last night, though.”

It feels weird to be kind to him. Jisung and you don’t like each other. But you think back to what j.0ne said and maybe you’re apologising for your own sake and because you still feel bad for starting a useless fight with the other man.

“Don’t thank me for that. It’s the bare minimum. I know we don’t like each other,” you’ve made that very clear, Y/N, “but I will always make sure you’re safe, yeah?”

Before you have a chance to react, the prof storms into the class and starts with the lesson.

However, you don’t seem to be able to focus at any time during those ninety minutes. Your head is way too far gone—the hangover is getting the best of you, j.0ne is still on your mind and Jisung sitting next to you is confusing you a little too.

Your gaze switches towards his fingers, while you’re watching him take notes. His hands are… pretty. You’ve never noticed. Until now. He keeps tapping the wooden surface and at any normal moment you would be annoyed—after all this is Jisung doing something distracting.

“So, now that you know about the task and project for this class,” you hear the professor speaking, “I want you to pair up with whoever is sitting next to you and come up with a concept by next week.”

You look to your right, noticing only Jisung is sitting next to you since the chair on the other side is empty.

Oh, fuck. This is gonna be an annoying semester.

#stray kids x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #skz x reader #skz imagines #han jisung imagines #han jisung fanfic #han jisung x reader #han jisung smut #every han story reminds me why he’s my bias lol

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shine-your-light · 1 year ago

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CHAT DO YOU SEE MY MAN MY MAN MY MAN MY MAAAAAAN HIS HAIRRRRRR IM GONNA CRY I PRAY HYBE SUDDENLY FORGETS THE EXISTENCE OF SCISSORS AMEN

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shine-your-light · 1 year ago

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he's literally my favorite person ever ☹️

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shine-your-light · 1 year ago

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*ੈ✩ — 𝐌𝐘 𝐍𝐔𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝟏 𝐒𝐔𝐏𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓 𝐒𝐘𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐌. (BLURB) | SIM JAEYUN

୨୧ pairing — idol!jake x fem!reader

୨୧ synopsis — being jake's gf, you normally tag along everywhere. every concert, every fansign, every soundcheck. but with a heavy heart, jake has to attend another fansign without you. little does he know, you're in line with the other engenes ready to give him a little surprise.

୨୧ genre — fluff, cute coupley stuff, pouty jake

୨୧ warnings — trying not to show pda, suggestiveness, written on my phone so not proofread

୨୧ word count — 1,059 words (not proofread)

୨୧ author's note — hiya lovies! so sorry for the hiatus as i was going through a pretty bad of a burnout, and had little to no inspiration to write. but finally i had time to strike up a bit of inspiration to write this fic!! hope u all enjoy a bit of jake fluff :)

“right this way, ma'am.”

as you were escorted into the venue, your heart was beating out of your chest. unlike every other concert or fansign you’d attend, you’d normally be wearing a staff name-tag with access to backstage. but here you were, hand clasping an engenebong, a vip lanyard on, clad in jake’s favorite colors.

in your other hand was a small sign that read “sim jaeyun, send a flying kiss!”

sitting alongside with the other engenes, your plan ready to be set in action.

a few days prior, jake had initially invited you to the fansign, but you declined with an excuse that you had uni homework due.

“darling, i have a fansign in a couple days, you’ll be there right?” jake asks, as he sits on your couch, snacking on popcorn as you cook dinner.

“this saturday right?” you ask, thinking of what plans you have then. but then you remember. “i don’t think i’ll make it yunie, my professor wants to have a quiz for extra marks. i’m sorry my love.” you confess, turning off the stove before coming over to him and giving him a pat on the head as he pouts.

“really? can’t you just miss a couple marks?” jake begs, still pouting.

“i’m so sorry ikeu, i’ll have to miss out on this one. i’ll make it up to you next time, okay?” you try to reason with him.

jake gives a slight nod as he opens his arms to invite you into a hug, which you accept.

that was a few days ago. you found out your professor had moved the quiz a day earlier, which meant you had the whole day for the fansign. as you were thinking of a way to tell jake, an idea popped into your head.

you picked up your phone and dialed jungwon’s number, as you explained to him your idea.

he managed to snag you a last minute vip fansign ticket, where you are now.

with you and jake’s relationship not out in the open yet, you weren’t expecting anyone to notice you, other than the members. you were more scared on how jake would react to your surprise, rather than the fans.

as your hands pick on your cuticles (by habit), the members came onto stage. with jungwon leading the way and immediately spotting you, followed by a couple others like jay, heeseung, and sunoo. jake on the other hand, seemed out of the moment, but he was trying his best to hide his sad facade.

sunghoon and ni-ki were trying to cheer him up, before sunghoon took a glance in the crowd and saw you in the second row, holding your sign. he gave a knowing smile, as he signaled to ni-ki to look at where he was looking. he immediately spotted you as well.

as the members gave their opening greetings and interacted with the fans for a while, they sat down as the fansign begun.

the fans started making their way, and as you were in the second row, you had to wait a while to talk to the members.

you had one minute with each member, and jake being the last member, you had enough time to calm your nerves.

as your queue number was called out, you sprayed the last bit of perfume, before walking over to the first member, jungwon.

he gave you a high five and a wink, signifying that your plan went really well, “noona! you made it! did my ticket work?” he asked.

“well i’m here so yes it worked! i’m so excited but anxious to see jake though.” you sighed.

jungwon gave a smile as he was signing your album, before the staff had to escort you to the next member.

heeseung gives you a smile as he laughs at what you’ve done.

“you know, jake has been whining on and on about you not coming to today’s signing.” he laughs.

you giggle at his statement, “has he? well i’m as excited to surprise him today.”

heeseung smiles at you before signing a little smiley face at your album, and the staff calls you to move to the next seat.

as you move through the next members, jay, sunoo, ni-ki, with similar responses, as you were finally arriving at sunghoon, you were scared jake was gonna notice you.

sunghoon saw you and immediately gave a smile, knowing your plan. although jake was sitting next to him, he was too enthralled with keeping his mood up to notice you.

as sunghoon was signing your album, you whispered, “hoon, what should i say to him?”

sunghoon smiled and said, “just be yourself, you’re his girlfriend after all.” as your time ran out and you stood up.

the second you sat on that seat, you opened your mouth and asked “so, do you like holding all those girls’ hands?” as you lift up your right hand.

jake lifted his head up from signing your album, eyes slowly widening as he realizes who’s sitting in front of him.

“darling? is that you?” he asked, his voice nervous.

“yes yunie,” you assure him as you take of your mask, “it’s me.”

he takes your hand in his, as he puts it on his cheek, feeling your touch.

you laugh at the cute interaction, smiling the whole time.

“but you said you wouldn’t make it?” jake asks, his pout disappearing and a light blush taking its place.

“i have my ways.” you hint at him.

as you two were holding hands as jake was signing a heart on your album, the staff signaled that time was up, and that you had to return to your seat.

jake held your hand one last time, before he tugged you and whispered in your ear, “meet me after this, okay?” he winks, before letting you go.

you smile to yourself on the way back to your seat, as a couple fangirls call out to you, as you hear some things like;

“girl did he hold your hand the entire session?”

“no way what did he whisper to you?”

“how are you not fainting right now? are you okay?”

you walk past them ask you put your mask on, and sit down lifting up your sign.

jake immediately spots you and your sign, before throwing a flying kiss. you really were his number one supporter.

taglist; -

back to my masterlist?

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shine-your-light · 1 year ago

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pieces of you

single dad!chan. x fem!reader

genre : neighbors!au. fluff. angst. slow burn. mutual pining. 8.7k wc

summary : In which you and chan are each other's missing pieces. Alternatively, Chris and his daughter come knocking at your apartment asking for flour, and he's no longer embarrassed when you open the door.

a.n. : my chris best girl dad agenda is going strong!!!!!! my second fic for the winter falls collab with my writer xi hehe i hope you will all enjoy reading!! feedback is highly appreciated 🤍 the song chris will write for sowon is light by sleeping at last, highly recommend listening to it!!

winter falls masterlist.

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this.”

“Shh, daddy smile.”

Soft murmurs linger just beyond your door, elusive words that could easily be dismissed as figments of your imagination. However, any doubt in your mind dissipates with three resounding knocks, jolting you from your momentary contemplation.

A reluctant groan escapes you as you glance down at your attire—a loosely hanging oversized hoodie, a testament to the numerous times it has been tugged down, and a pair of pajama pants whose matching top has mysteriously vanished. Clearly, you don't feel presentable enough to welcome anyone at this late hour. So, you remain motionless, futilely lowering the TV volume in hopes that whoever's behind the door will just continue with their night. But the knocks persist against your wish, so, with a resigned sigh, you rise from your seat, your blanket cascading to the ground in a soft descent.

“What–” the words dissolve in your mouth like a sweet nectar as you open the door, your eyes beholding no one in your periphery. A slight tug at your pants draws your attention downward, only to find the most adorable child your eyes have ever laid on. She's clad in Rapunzel-themed pajamas, wolf slippers bumping into your plain ones, and, to your surprise, a whisk cradled in her small hand.

“Hey there,” your voice softens as you crouch to meet her warm gaze. You find an innocent happiness gleaming in her eyes, a radiant spark shining even beneath the corridor's muted light. Two dimples adorn her cheeks as she smiles at you.

“Hi, my dad wants to tell you something,” she says, pointing with her whisk to the very end of the hallway. You crane your neck, trying to catch a glimpse of the elusive figure.

“Your dad?”

“Mm. He’s a bit shy, that’s why he’s hiding,” she confides in a whisper. But, despite her earnest attempt, her words still resound loudly in the vacant space, causing giggles to spill out of your mouth.

“And you aren’t shy?” you inquire, tilting your head.

“Nu-uh,” she shakes her head with conviction as someone emerges behind her. She instinctively wraps an arm around their leg, nestling her cheek against their thigh.

She isn't shy because she feels protected.

You rise from your place, eyes locking with a familiar shade of brown. Only these hold a mesmerizing quality to them making your very breath catch in your throat. Kindness pours from his gaze as it travels down your face, a sentiment that further materializes as delicate smile lines stitch around the corner of his eyes.

He’s beautiful.

Your eyes trail down to two pairs of dimples, mirroring the ones of his daughter perfectly. She is his living portrait, sharing his eyes, lips, and smile. Yet, his cheeks blush in a hue she does not possess, while his left hand fiddles with his earlobe, in an unspoken, timid gesture. For some odd reason, it pierces straight through your heart.

“Sorry for bothering you,” a smooth Australian accent rolls off his tongue, similar to rich butter spread on warm bread- it infuses your being with tingles pulsating from the base of your toes. You suddenly no longer miss your blanket.

“I'm your next-door neighbor. We were just making cookies and we realized we actually don’t have flour,” he explains, a bashful smile imprinted onto his lips.

“You didn’t check beforehand?” you ask, laughter tinting your voice.

“I forgot,” he admits, but his tone sounds almost sad as if beating himself over it. A fleeting shadow veils his face briefly, dissipating like a passing cloud grazing the sun.

“Can we borrow some from you? I told Sowon that we could go to the store but she said it’s too cold out,” he asks, his hand resting on his daughter’s shoulder soothingly.

“It is too cold out,” you agree with a frown, looking down at Sowon to which she smiles brightly, happy to have your support.

“And of course, I'll bring you flour. Don’t worry about it. Do you want to come in meanwhile?”

“It's okay, we'll wait here. Don’t want to intrude.”

“Thank you!” Sowon beams, her missing tooth in full display.

“Yeah, thank you so much…” he trails out, tilting his head as if to silently inquire about your name.

“Yn. And you?”

“Chris.”

“Nice to meet you, Chris,” you smile, shaking his extended hand. His fingers wrap around your palm, and it feels as if you’re grasping thunder, crackling with an electricity that your eyes can’t behold, yet your soul does, suddenly illuminated from within.

Your smile grows as you detach yourself from his hold, before bending forward to bop Sowon’s nose. “And nice to meet you too Rapunzel.”

Your words make her hide behind her father’s leg, peeking out slightly to look at you.

“See I'm not the only one who gets shy,” Chan chuckles, and Sowon whines in complaint, further burying her face in her dad’s grey sweatpants.

Adorable, so much it stirs a long-forgotten melancholy within your being.

“She gets a pass, she's still young, right Sowon?”

“Are you calling me old then?” Chan fakes outrage, bringing one hand to his chest while the other cradles Sowon’s back.

“Old enough to forget about flour,” you wink and he laughs, looking down at your slippers.

“Touché.”

A few minutes go by before you come back, a recipient full of flour in your hands. The sight before you makes you pause in your tracks– Chris, leaning against the wall, Sowon propped on his hip, her arms loosely hanging around his neck, her eyes closed.

“Did she…” you whisper and he turns to you.

“Yeah, fell asleep,” he smiles fondly, tucking a few strands of her hair behind the curve of her ear. “She’ll be disappointed when she wakes up to no cookies. She wanted us to have a baking holiday tradition.”

“You don’t know how to make them?”

“No, I was counting on a six-year-old to assist me,” he chuckles quietly, prompting a snort from you.

“Well, keep the flour, in case you need it again.”

“Thank you, Yn,” he grins, the smile taking over his entire face, grabbing the recipient from you.

“You’re welcome Chris,” you say, as you both linger around the door still, not making any attempt to move.

Your eyes refuse to peel away from his, as if there were a magnetic force drawing you to him, telling you that your gaze belonged to rest on him.

“Uhm,” he clears his throat, leaning away from the wall. “I'll get going.”

“Yeah, sleep well, Chris.”

“Thank you,” he smiles before turning around.

An idea brews in your head, a germ sprouted by the clear adoration in which Sowon gazed at her dad, and the disappointment in his face as he said he would no longer be making cookies. Had you wished to dig a little deeper, you would’ve also found a long-buried feeling of a little girl who would have loved holiday traditions as well. You close the door before heading straight to your kitchen.

One hour later

You knock softly on Chris’ door, fidgeting from one foot to another. You almost retract back to your apartment after your fourth knock, when the door finally opens, Chris coming into your line of sight.

“Hi,” you greet, hands behind your back.

“Hey,” he smiles, leaning his arm on the doorway, right above your head. He tilts his head to the side, silently wondering what you want. The words dissolve in your mouth at the way his eyes fixate on you as if trying to peer behind your irises onto your mind.

“Cookies,” you bring the plate before him, as his eyes grow wide, an incredulous smile drawn on his lips.

“You made them?”

“Yeah, didn't want Sowon to be disappointed,” you shrug and his eyes grow wild, racking all over your face in disbelief.

“You didn't have to do this,” he finally says, tone softening, syllables ringing like a sweet sonnet in your ears.

“I know. I wanted to. and I'm a baker so making cookies comes easily to me, don't worry about it,” you shrug sheepishly, biting your lower lip slightly. You felt scrutinized by him in ways you haven't felt before.

“Thank you, Yn, I don’t even know what to say,” he says, his smile resembling a beam of light. A surge of pride courses through you at managing to bring it forth.

“No need to say anything. I hope I didn't wake you up,” you smile sheepishly and he shakes his head.

“No, I- I was working in my studio and Sowon is asleep. It's just us two. Always has been,” he adds, tone slightly changing, air growing heavier between you both. It's just them two.

“Studio?” you inquire, hoping to dispel the tension latching around you both.

“I'm a music producer,” he clarifies. “I made a studio here so I could stay the night with Sowon.”

“I'm sure she appreciates that,” you say as you hand the plate to him. His fingertips brush against your own, and a slight electricity courses through you at the touch, the hallway suddenly brighter from the fireworks ricocheting off of you both.

“I…. I'll get going.”

“Yeah, yeah, don't want to take more of your time.”

“I'll see you around.”

“Yeah, I'll see you,” he says, words not ringing carelessly into the air, sounding more like a promise. He'll see you, he'll make sure of it.

ii.

“Can you wait!” a voice echoes near the building entrance, and you prevent the elevator doors from closing as hurried steps near you.

You recognize the voice easily by the light tingles running down your spine, the Australian accent shooting straight through your heart. Its owner materializes, Chris— leather jacket hugging his muscles snuggly, black t-shirt tucked into a pair of blue jeans, cap nestled on his head, rebellious strands of ebony hair peeking behind it.

You find the breath knocked out of you once again at his sight. He's beautiful, even more so in broad daylight, where every feature of his comes to life, beckoning, demanding your sole attention.

“Hey, Yn,” he smiles in delight, uttering your name in a familiarity that infuses your being with warmth. Even though you've only talked once, two days ago.

“Hey, Chris,” you greet back, pressing the fourth elevator button again. you face the mirror to find Chris already looking at you, his eyes instantly locking with yours.

“The cookies were good,” he smiles softly and you grin. “I'm glad you think so.”

“Where is your bakery? I need to taste more of your baking.”

The butterflies in your stomach tone down at his words, your attraction momentarily forgotten as gratitude coats your heart instead.

“I can text you the address?” you propose.

“Yeah, here,” he takes out his phone, a picture of him and Sowon set as his lock screen— their cheeks are pressed tightly to one another, messily done eyeliner on both their eyes. you giggle to yourself as you grab the device.

“Cute picture,” you muse and he brings an arm to his neck, scratching the side of it timidly.

“She insists on trying her makeup on me.”

“She makes you look better,” you giggle and he rolls his eyes, tongue poking against his cheek.

“She wants to become a stylist,” he explains, as the elevator doors open. He lets you out first, arm stretched forward.

“I find her passion really cute so I buy her anything she asks for,” he shrugs and you chuckle, pointing to the bag of pink ribbons he is carrying.

“Let me guess, she wants to use these on you?”

“Yeah. She also said that I quote ‘need to learn new hairstyles because her friends always come to class with intricate braids, and she can't go to class with a simple one.’” He repeats, tone growing slightly high-pitched as he mimics his daughter's words. Yet, the fond smile on his face is louder, screaming of his love for her.

“She has you wrapped around your finger,” you muse, leaning against your door. The keys in your bag are long forgotten.

“She can be very scary for such a little girl.”

“What does she threaten you with?” you ask, feigning horror.

“No goodnight kisses,” he whispers, as if scared she'd hear him beyond the wooden door.

“Torture,” you gasp, placing your hand on his shoulder reassuringly. Yet, the smiles slip out of your face instantly. Was it normal for clothes to dissolve under your touch, layers of cotton and leather doing nothing to stop the warmth of his skin from seeping through you? Was it normal to be so affected by such an innocent touch?

“Uhm,” you clear your throat, “I can help you. with her hair, I mean.”

“You don't have to. I already took too much from your time with the cookies,” he seems truly apologetic, his tone sobering as if despising others doing things for him. You see yourself in him, in the way he wants to carry the world’s burden on his shoulders. It is a reflection you wish to mend.

“I don't mind, I remember feeling jealous of the other girls in my school so I made myself learn all the braids.”

And then you see his gratefulness, the twinkle in his eyes that you can only grasp for a millisecond before they disappear into moon crescents. Happiness looks grand on him, overtaking his entire face, brightening his features with a glow too ethereal to be of mankind, as if they were carved to translate joy. You find yourself willing to give up more of your time to see it.

“Thank you,” he breathes out and you nod, a grin taking over your face as well.

“You’re welcome. Let me just change my clothes.”

☃︎⋆꙳•❅

“And then, you pull the right strand all over to the middle one. Then you repeat, this way the ribbon is braided into the hair,” you explain to a very concentrated Chris, his eyebrows furrowed as he follows your movements.

“It looks easy when you do it,” he frowns and you giggle, handing the mirror to Sowon so she'd be able to look at her hair.

“Do you like it,” you ask, a tad apprehensive and she beams, dimples that almost swallow her chubby cheeks surging forth.

“Pretty!” she exclaims and you giggle, bopping her nose. “You are pretty.”

“And you are pretty too. right, daddy?”

You turn back to find Chris watching you, a smile so fond on his face that it renders your insides putty, coats your cheek in the palest shade of pink.

“Very much so,” he says, tone quieter, his eyes never leaving yours.

Sowon suddenly climbs on her dad’s lap, star and moon stickers in hand. She places them all over his face, and he sits there diligently, arms wrapped around her midriff so she won't slip away. Every carefully placed sticker is punctuated by a soft gasp from him and a small giggle from her. You could feel the love radiating from both of them, a feeling so strong it made your heart twist in your chest.

Were there red neon exits you weren’t aware of in your being? Ones through which love trickled away all these years ago? Were the spaces between your fingers carved to hold someone’s hand, or to make everything you've ever wanted slip from your grasp?

“What do you think?” Sowon startles you and you force a smile on your face, willing the heaviness in your heart to dissipate. There were questions you'd never find the answers to, you had to make peace with that.

“I love it!” you grin and Sowon nods, satisfied. You look down at your lap as Chris fixates his eyes on you, a worried crease growing between his eyebrows.

“Fun is over, you need to do your homework, Miss Bang,” he scolds and you snort, as Sowon rolls her eyes slightly.

“Did you just roll your eyes at me?” he fakes offense and you giggle as Sowon huffs slightly. “Dad, I told you I have no homework. I already did it with uncle Felix.”

“Oh, right,” he deflates slightly before brightening up once again, “then, you should put away all these hairbrushes and ribbons, okay?”

“Will you watch a movie later with me?”

“Of course, baby.”

“Okay then,” she grins, quickly standing up to start putting away her things. you smile, getting up your turn to leave. Chris understands and stands with you on cue.

“You can stay and watch the movie with us.”

“It's okay, I have some things to work on,” you turn around, but then you feel his fingers wrapping around your wrist, stopping you in your tracks.

“Are you okay?” he asks, hand still burning straight through your skin, igniting a million nerve ends with a simple touch. You avoid his eyes, looking down at the ground. It seems to be response enough for him.

“We’re conditioned to say yes even when we aren’t, right?” he speaks softly, his words travel through your veins in a rapid course against the current of your blood— which one will reach your heart first and flood it?

Your facade cracks. His voice wins.

“So, you don't have to reply now,” his thumb swipes once across your pulse. “But I'll be here if you ever wish to tell the truth.”

iii.

You’ve grown exceptionally fond of Chris in the span of mere months, more than you would like to admit to yourself. It was an easy task, as natural as the current of a waterfall. Yet, you did not plan for it, for a new emotion to settle on top of your lungs, to make you more aware of your heart and how it beats, slightly faster, around Chris. But it happened serendipitously, against all odds, when he knocked on your door at 10 p.m. asking for salt.

“Should I start buying groceries for you?” you joked, and it took Chris a millisecond longer to respond, his gaze wandering across your face, as if discovering the world’s eighth wonder, hidden in plain sight all these years.

“For my defense, I have a daughter that likes experimenting with cooking,” he smiled, and you raised an eyebrow at him.

“Just with salt?”

“She added four teaspoons of it in an omelet. Then forced me to eat it because I always tell her food shouldn't go to waste,” he shudders at the memory and you chuckle loudly.

Chris knocks on the doors of your heart, once.

It happened when you spotted a cockroach the size of your palm on your bedroom wall. You would’ve killed it, you were going to, except it started flying towards you and you let out a loud shriek you didn’t know your vocal chords were capable of conjuring. So, you called Chris.

“Can you please come over,” you murmured, crouching near the entrance door, a pair of slippers in your hand.

“Why are you whispering? are you okay?” he sounded worried, and you heard the turning of a lock as he opened the door to his apartment. He didn’t ask questions, instantly coming to your aid. A sudden urge to weep filled your being at his gesture.

“There is a cockroach. a flying one,” you precised, horror dripping from your tongue and his laugh flooded your ear, tiny squeaks that made your hold on the slipper grow limp.

“I'm from Australia,” he knocked on your door, and you stood up promptly. “I've seen worse,” he said once you finally opened it, his eyes softening incredibly when they met yours.

He did kill the cockroach, by spraying your insect repellent enough times to asphyxiate you too. “I don't think I can sleep in there tonight,” you sighed, gulping down ice cold water, “why does it feel like we went through war?”

“We? You were behind my back all the time.”

“I was cheering you on, from afar. Spiritually.”

“I can’t believe a cockroach scares you this much.”

“You literally screamed when it flied towards you too.”

“I didn't scream! I made a very manly, non-terrified sound.”

“Mm, sure,” you giggled, voice softening at the blushing of the tip of his ears. Chris didn't have to force the door down to your heart, you willingly opened it for him.

And after that, it was a race to find the silliest excuses to see one another. Chris suddenly taking up an inkling for baking, you manifesting a newfound interest in music, Sowon needing her makeup done for a dance, Chris visiting you in your bakery, Sowon craving your cookies and you teaching her the recipe, Chris knocking on your door and you knocking on his. The same giddy smiles on your faces as you usher each other in. And it always, always ending with a movie night.

“Let's watch Tangled,” Sowon exclaims, clapping her hands excitedly.

“Baby, we watched this movie for the past…” he looks at you for support. “Three,” you whisper, a bashful smile on your face. “Yeah, for the past three movie nights,” he whines slightly.

“But I love it,” she says, her pout morphing into a huge grin. “Again! Again! Again!”

“Fine,” he concedes, mouthing “save me,” from afar to you. You giggle softly while Sowon cozies up to your side, your arm naturally draping across her body while her legs stretch atop Chris’ lap, naturally, as if having you both by her side was the way things have always been. The only reality she’s ever known.

It is a fleeting fifty minutes as the three of you watch the movie, Sowon reciting excitedly the lines that she seems to remember. But then the quiet is replaced by her soft snores, her body growing light against you.

“She fell asleep,” you whisper, tapping Chris’ shoulder to catch his attention. He tilts his head to the side, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips as his eyes land on his daughter.

“I'm sorry you have to watch the same movie every time,” he says apologetically and you shake your head.

“I don't mind. Tangled is a good movie.”

“Are you here just because of the movie?” he smiles, dimples peeking through. The juxtaposition between the weight of his words and the soft expression on his face makes a buzzing warmth spread through you. He’s cold and hot, in and out, yours but not.

“What do you want me to be here for?” you throw back, squeezing his shoulder slightly.

“The company.”

“I do find Sowon entertaining.”

“Just her?” he pouts and you giggle, tipping your head back.

“And you too, I suppose, by extension.”

“By extension, mm,” he hums, as he gathers Sowon in his arms, freeing her from your hold. “Then I guess I shouldn't come visit you in your bakery anymore. Since you only enjoy my presence by extension.”

“So sassy,” you shout-whisper as you both walk to Sowon's bedroom, “I like your company too, idiot.”

“Yeah?” he turns back to look at you, tone a tad bit too hopeful. He doesn’t care that he sounds eager for your approval, not when he feels as if he can only truly breathe when you're near.

“Yeah, Chris, I really do,” you speak earnestly, and Chris bites his lower lip slightly, suddenly overwhelmed by the gentleness of your tone. Your eyes follow his action instantly.

He lowers Sowon gently onto the bed and she stirs awake, blinking repeatedly at the both of you. “Yn,” she calls out quietly once her eyes land on yours and you kneel before her bed. Chris watches from the door entrance as Sowon cups her hand near your ear, before whispering something to you. He notices your body stiffening, your gaze fleeting to him before you relax, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

He wishes he could freeze time, stitch this moment into his eyelids until it is the only thing he sees when he goes to sleep. Loneliness is too big of an enemy for one person to fight off, but it seems more harmless when you are near.

Chris sees you right here, every night, not forcing your place into his family, but falling seamlessly into place. Perhaps you were the missing piece that’ll soothe the burn in his heart. Perhaps he’d let you in, even as fear paralyzes his being at the mere thought of asking you to stay.

One week later.

You've grown used to the knocks on your door at ungodly hours of the night, Chris seeking your company each time you both fail to fall asleep. Except this time, there is a chilling premonition in your heart as you walk to your home’s entrance, anxiety coiling like a steel ball in your throat.

"What’s wrong?" you ask upon opening the door, locking eyes with Chris's bloodshot gaze.

“Sowon,” he heaves, tone laden with fear, so different from how he usually pronounces her name. The syllables pierce through your heart like an arrowhead dipped in alarm.

"Sowon?" you question, peering behind him to his slightly ajar apartment door.

"Yes, she has a high fever, and it won’t come down. I tried everything, and I-I don’t know what to do anymore. She’s shaking, but I can’t—" He trembles, his quivers akin to delicate chinaware on the precipice of an earthquake, poised to shatter at your feet. You'd plunge to the ground first, anything to soften his impending collapse.

“It’s okay,” you soothe, your voice soft as you grasp his wrist. “Let’s go see her, okay?”

“It's her first time being this sick,” he whispers, clearly distraught, one hand running through his freshly dyed blonde hair.

“It's okay. Don’t panic, it happens. Did you give her medicine?”

“Yes, a few minutes ago,” he replies as you guide him towards her room.

“Good, it'll start working soon,” you reassure, opening the door and crouching before Sowon.

“Hey, Rapunzel," you coo softly, and Sowon attempts to muster a smile. Her cheeks flush, eyes dim like withered petals.

“How are you feeling?” you ask, pressing your hand to her feverish forehead. You cast a wary glance at Chan, who's anxiously biting his thumb.

“Cold,” she whispers, and you nod, peeling off her blanket. “I know you are, but you have a high fever. We need to let it cool down, okay?”

“I-I’m shaking,” Sowon sighs, lower lip protruding and trembling, both from the iciness clawing at her frail being, and the tears welling in her waterline, like a cup on the brink of overflowing.

“Shh, don't cry. It will pass, it's okay,” you murmur soothingly, cradling her face on your lap, gently moving damp strands of her hair behind her ear.

"Chris, can you bring me a towel and a bowl with cold water?" you ask softly, and the man startles, painfully peeling his eyes away from his daughter, as if doing so would consign her to a dark fate.

"Sure. Sure," he repeats, scurrying out of the room.

Sowon buries her cheek in your thigh, small hands clinging tightly to yours. You tie her hair up into a loose bun as Chan hurriedly comes back, a bassinet in his hand.

"Thank you," you smile, as he kneels beside the bed, his hand resting on Someone's knee gently.

“Hey sweetheart,” he coos softly, and Sowon blinks at him, light spilling over her face.

“Hey daddy,” she replies as you dip the towel into the water, before squeezing the fabric to remove any liquid excess.

“You're being so strong. I love you so much my pretty girl,” he says, bringing her small hand to rest upon his cheek, bestowing a gentle kiss on her palm.

The moment feels so intimate, so tender, that you almost feel like an intruder. You imagine this is what thorns on roses must feel like, so out of place amid delicate petals and stems.

“I love you too,” she grins, and you remain silent, diligently wiping her face and neck with the dampened towel. You soon lose track of the number of times you've repeated this motion, but Sowon’s eyes are now closed and her body is no longer trembling.

You rest your palm upon her forehead, a sigh of relief escaping your body as you realize that her fever has gone down noticeably- the medicine finally taking effect.

“It's better now,” you smile reassuringly and Chris’s eyes widen, irises shaking as he looks back to his daughter.

“Will she be okay?”

“She will be. She just needs to sleep a bit.”

“Okay, thank you.”

“Can we prepare her something to eat meanwhile?”

“Mm,” he absentmindedly nods, his fingers trailing down Sowon’s features delicately, resting upon her round cheeks.

"She looks just like you," you softly smile.

"I know," he admits, not with pride but in surrender, as if his reflection was nothing but a cursed fate. His voice tastes like ocean water, salty, acid, suffocating.

“Chris…” you trail off and he shakes his head, abruptly standing up.

“Let's make her chicken noodle soup. She loves it,” he says and you nod. A ticking bomb resides in his veins, devoid of a countdown, leaving you unsure of when he'll finally explode.

You get your answer soon after—it takes two minutes and thirty-three seconds for the first tear to roll down Chris’s cheek. You spot it as you retrieve carrots from the fridge, averting your gaze as Chan angrily wipes it away.

A few seconds later, five tears follow the same agonizing trail, and now the knife is shaking in Chris’s hands. He squeezes his eyes shut as if frustrated by his pain, by the emotions escaping through the cracks in his heart.

You stay silent, bringing the water to a simmer.

The clank of metal against the counter snaps your attention, and you see Chris with his head lowered down, his hands tightly clutching the counter.

Your tongue moves before you can order it to speak.

"Chris," you call out, your hand finding its place on his back. An ugly sob escapes his lips, a raw cry unearthed from the depths of the soil where he buried his feelings, never allowing himself the grace of grieving, then moving on.

“I'm a horrible father,” he utters so brokenly as if this idea were cemented into his head, woven into every thought of himself—an adjective that lingers like a phantom each time Sowon calls him dad.

“You're not, what are you saying?” you gently turn him around so he'd face you. But his eyes remain downcast, as if ashamed to meet your gaze.

“I didn't know what to do. I panicked. I-I wasn't enough to help her.”

“It's okay, you can't know everything, you are trying your best-”

“No, no, no, it's not just about this!” he snaps, despair clinging to his eyes as he finally looks at you. “It’s hard. It’s so hard to be here alone, and I- I try but it's not enough, I can't do everything and I'm not a good enough parent for her, there will a-always be something missing.”

“You're wrong,” you say but he shakes his head in disagreement. “Chris, you're wrong,” you cradle his face, taking you both by surprise. Your thumb swipes gently underneath the skin of his eyes, wiping his cascading tears.

“You love Sowon. And she can feel it, she can see it, she can hear it. Everyone can. A parent can't be perfect, but they should love. And you love her.”

“What if I can't even love her enough for a father? How will I ever fill the role of two parents?” he's leaning onto your palm, hanging onto your every word. You'd sit for hours and untangle every thread of his mind if you have to, until you single out the infested one and burn it away.

“She loves you Chris. She looks at you as if you hang every star in the sky. As if you're responsible for every good thing that happens in our world. She loves you and you love her.”

You gaze up at the ceiling, tears welling in your eyes. Chan notices the subtle tremble in your hand against his cheek.

“If I had someone who loved me as much as you love Sowon when I was a child, I would've turned out so differently,” you smile bitterly, swallowing down the lump in your throat.

“You won't be a perfect dad. You can't be. But she won't grow up with a throbbing heart, pulsating because of a void that cannot be filled. Her veins won't be poisoned by hate and abandonment. Because she knows what it's like to be loved,” you pause, as your voice breaks, traitorous tears rolling down your cheeks. “To be cared for.”

Your eyes hold his in a silent conversation, secretly telling him what your tongue cannot speak of— Sowon, an untarnished blossom, won't unfurl into a solitary flower the way you did.

“I'm sorry,” he whispers after a while, eyes softening in understanding. His knuckles brush gently against your cheek.

“Why are you apologizing?”

“So you'd find a reason within you to forgive,” he says, as he leans forward to press a tender kiss on your forehead. And somehow it feels more intimate than any way you've been touched before.

Five days later.

chris [11:32 p.m.]: you up?

yn [11:32 p.m.]: i just got bad flashbacks to my college years

chris [11:33 p.m.]: ajaksjsbsbbs

chris [11:33 p.m.]: i didn’t mean it like that ㅠㅠ

chris [11:33 p.m.]: wanna come over? i'm in the studio but im not feeling inspired

yn [11:34 p.m.]: and how will i help?

chris [11:34 p.m.]: i find your presence inspiring

You don’t reply, instead putting on your slippers and walking over to his apartment. He opens the door before you even have the chance to knock.

“What are you working on?” you ask once you’re settled atop his chair, spinning around slightly. He looks down at the pillow on his lap, lightly plucking its pink fur. “A song for Sowon,” he admits softly and your eyes grow a little wide.

“That is so sweet,” you pout, inching closer to him. “How is it going?”

“I've finished the melody and now I'm working on the lyrics. There is just.. so much i want to tell her, i'm unsure if ill be able to express it well.”

“Can I read what you wrote?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure,” he searches through his papers. “Here.”

May these words be the first to find your ears

The world is brighter than the sun now that you're here

I'll give you everything I have

I'll teach you everything I know

I promise I'll do better

I will soften every edge

I'll hold the world to its best

And I'll do better

Tears spring to your eyes unexpectedly, you try to stop their flow but they fall upon the paper, splattering like a broken mosaic, mimicking the brokenness of your own heart.

“I'm sorry,” you spin around, your back to him as you attempt to dry your tears, and yet they show no desire to stop. Chris is in your heart and he’s kicking every other emotion out, forcing you to make amends with your sadness, the one you buried years, years ago.

Chris gently grabs the back of the chair, pulling you back to him before spinning your chair once again until you are facing him. You bury your face in your hands and his rests reassuringly on your knee, squeezing it slightly. “Is it so bad it made you sob?”

“Shut up, you know this isn’t the case.”

His hand delicately traces up your arm, gently lifting your fingers from your face. He kneels before you, his thumb tenderly wiping away the traces of tears on your cheeks.

“Talk to me?”

“It's so beautiful, so warm, so loving. Everything a parent should think of their child,” a traitorous hiccup escapes your lips. “Everything my parents never felt for me.”

Chris’ mouth morphs into a pout, eyebrows scrunching tightly. You shake your head, smoothing down the worried crease between his eyes.

“I don't feel sad over things I can't control and I love myself enough now to compensate for what I didn't have, but sometimes-'' your voice breaks, Chan’s hold on your hands tightens. “It stings to remember what could’ve been.”

Stings was an understatement, it is rather a pulsating void, throbbing in ache every day, calling out for its missing piece. How can I fill you with what was lost when it chose to walk away?

“Come here,” he whispers, coaxing you to your feet, his arms enveloping your body as he guides your head to the crook of his neck. His body runs warm, the material of his sweatshirt soft, and he smells nice too, the contours of his muscles tailor-made to complement the ridges of your own.

“You grew up well, Yn. You did well.”

You clutch his shirt, tightening your grip as you fist the fabric in your palm. He's patting your back, and time slows down to match the rhythm of his touch.

“Love can be hard, I know. Especially when the people who left are the ones supposed to be staying.”

He understands, more than anyone you know. He missed out on a different kind of love too, two facets of the same coin.

“You’re doing well too, Chris. You shouldn’t doubt yourself as much,” your arms trail up to encircle his neck, as his nose tickles your hair. You're the one hugging him now. “Sowon is really smart, she told me that she loves you a lot. She can feel it. She sees everything you do for her.”

“Is that what she told you that movie night?”

“Partly,” you whisper, and Chris leans away slightly, his warm palms still pressed to your waist, holding you close.

“What else did she tell you?” he asks, curiosity barely hidden in his tone.

You pause for a while, eyes going over the entire room before finally locking on him.

“She thanked me, said that I make you smile more.” You suck in a deep breath, gathering your courage. “Do I?”

“There are small lines that don’t show on my face until you're near.”

“Oh.” That is the only coherent response you can formulate, and Chris giggles, a tiny squeak escaping his lips in a huff. “Cute,” he murmurs, planting a tender kiss on your temple. His lips linger, holding onto the moment a beat longer than necessary, causing your eyes to close in delight. Both of you find yourselves blushing as he leans away, a shared warmth coloring the space between you.

“Sorry, didn't mean to make the mood somber,” you say sheepishly as you sit back down, eyeing Chris’s laptop. “I wanna hear this,” you quickly point to a random track on his screen before he can reply, hoping to make the sadness flee away.

“This one? It’s not really good, let's listen to something else,” his rambling and eagerness to change the track pique your curiosity and you quickly click on the song before he can stop you.

connected.mp3 starts playing.

Sultry beats inundate your ears, weaving through your veins and whisking you away to the pulsating rhythm of a dance club. You knew Chris produced good music, yet you never fathomed that his voice could be so luxuriously rich, cascading over you like molten wax. You feel a blush rise to your cheeks at the suggestive lyrics, the innuendos peeking behind every word. And then, a sudden jealousy claws at your heart, at the thought of Chris hunched in his studio, fantasizing about connecting with someone who isn’t you.

You wished to be the only one Chris liked.

“It’s a- a demo for one of my clients,” he explains through a stutter once the song is done, and you nod meekly, willing your body’s temperature to go down, for the possessivity crinkling in you to fizzle out.

So, you put on your best taunting smirk.

“I know you want me don’t crumble.. No need to be desperate we’re just getting started,” you sing-song back. “You were feeling so cocky when you wrote this, right?” you grin, inching your chair closer to his. “Feeling yourself, Mr. Bang?”

He chuckles with a hint of annoyance, running his tongue along the expanse of his lower lip. Leaning back into his chair, he casually spreads his legs a bit wider, a gesture that suddenly leaves you feeling dizzy, on him.

“It’s cute how affected you seem by it,” he throws nonchalantly, crossing his arms before his chest.

“I'm not,” you smile, although your erratic heartbeat spoke of a different tale, you just didn't need to voice it to him. “I think you were the one getting all hot and bothered in your studio,” you stand between his legs, hovering over him as he leans back fully in his chair.

“I was thinking of a pretty girl.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm,” he suddenly grabs your waist, you feel like your entire body is ablaze. “The prettiest.”

"Who is she?" you exhale, teetering on the edge of crashing your lips onto his, like an incoherent love poem, hastily scrambled on a notebook in a fit of anger.

“y–” The door suddenly opens, Sowon’s small frame standing by the door, she’s rubbing her eyes tiredly, her chick plushie dangling from her hand (a gift from her uncle Felix as she explained to you). You quickly scramble away from Chris as he clears his throat loudly.

“Daddy, I can't sleep,” she says faintly, a tiny pout drawn on her lips, and you can see Chris physically melt at her words, at the way she paddles to his chair, and tries her best to climb up his legs. She fails to do so, so he quickly scopes her up his arms until she’s buried in his hold. Her small hands wound up around his neck, and he tenderly pats down her hair, his gaze never wavering from her frame.

“Want me to sing to you, sweetheart?”

“Yes,” she whispers, before making grabby hands at you, your heart softens like clay dough as you scoot closer, enclosing her fingers in your hold.

“Sleep well, Sowonnie,” you whisper.

“Can’t you stay with us?” she asks and you feel your blood freeze in your veins, your heart skipping three beats at once.

To stay. What a frightening concept. Even more scary when you realize that you aren’t opposed to it.

You yearn to stay, for the first time in years, you wish you could.

You swallow the growing lump in your throat, before smiling reassuringly. “I'll stay till you fall asleep.”

Conditions, it is the way it has always been for you. staying till you’re no longer useful, staying till you're no longer wanted. Staying, but always with a time limit, always with an expiration date.

iv.

You’re avoiding him.

Chris knows you are, since you no longer come over to his house, claiming that you’re tired, or that you have an important order to bake for the next day. He would have believed you had he not seen you only once in the past three weeks.

Those were excuses, and each one of them weighed heavily on Chris’ heart, on his home too, his studio particularly, the one that got used to the sound of your laugh.

He misses you. He never thought he’d miss someone again, craving you presence as if every breath leaving his body depended on you. He wasn’t a stranger to intimacy, fleeting hookups every now and then. Strangers invited him to their bed, knowing what they were signing up for– one night of pleasure, never to be seen again, their faces blurring into an indistinct mass in his mind, like an impressionist painting where no features stand out. Yet, with you, every detail is etched in his memory.

He could pick you out of a crowded room, recognize the delicate curve of your neck, the fullness of your lips, and the way your nose scrunches when you smile.

He could draw the moles scattered on your body from memory alone, recognize your scent from miles away– your cotton shampoo and the specific laundry detergent you love to use and a hint of vanilla that never truly leaves you.

He’d remember the curve of your lashes and the cascading of your hair, the airy giggles you leave across like a trail for him to follow everywhere, and your eyes– the way they gazed at him, softening slightly around the edges, shining brightly as if crafted from stardust, the way they softened even more when you looked at Sowon, voice growing slightly high pitched as you listened to his daughter’s rambles.

How did you manage to make his home yours without ever living in it?

“Dad?” Sowon calls out and he snaps his head up, locking eyes with his little girl. She’s sitting on a high stool, munching on her pizza, a pensive look on her face.

“Yes, sweetheart?” he asks, walking over to her side.

“Where is Ynnie?” she asks in a small voice and he freezes, mulling over his response. He settles for the truth.

“I don't know, baby.”

“Does she not want to play with me anymore?” Sowon whispers, and he doesn’t remember his daughter ever being this tentative about voicing a question.

“No!” he's quick to reassure, cradling Sowon’s face between his much larger hands. “Of course not baby she loves you a lot.”

“Okay…” she nods, a small pout drawn on her lips still. Chris senses his heart physically crack in his chest.

“Do you wanna work in the studio with me?” he says in a joyful tone, and she instantly cheers up, the twinkle in her eyes found again. “Yes!”

“Finish your food first, okay Wonnie?”

“Okay!”

In Chris's life, regrets have been scarce, and certainly not in the form of Sowon, his beacon of hope, as he named her. Having her was beholding a sun wherever he went. However, a fear lingers, a whisper in his heart, suggesting that letting you go might be his one true regret.

So when his daughter falls asleep, he knocks on your door once again. He's suddenly transported into that cold night, months ago, where he asked you for flour. Had he known you were behind it he would’ve knocked much sooner.

“Hi,” you greet softly once you open the door. He takes a step forward, his wolf slippers matching with Sowon’s bump into your plain ones. You avert your gaze, finding anything but him to fixate on.

“You're avoiding me,” he says matter-of-factly, voice soft, resigning to you.

“I'm not,” you contradict, even as your eyes remain on the ground. He finds himself missing the color of your irises.

"Look at me, hm?" he implores, and you stay rooted in place. A soft sigh escapes him as he cradles your right cheek with his warm hand, his thumb gently sweeping across your cheekbone. "Yn, please, I want to look at you."

Maybe it is the pleading tone of his voice or the way his thumb tenderly grazes your skin, but something about Chris makes your resolve unravel, threads of fear unknotting before your eyes. So, you finally look at him. An exhale of relief escapes him.

And then you speak.

“You asked me if I was okay, and I didn't reply, back then,” you say, leaning your head further against his palm as tears well up in your waterline. “Do you still want to know my answer?”

“Of course, always.”

“I'm happy. With you, with sowon. I feel this warmth that I have never known before when I'm with you. It was almost easy to forget I've known you during winter,” you chuckle dryly, “but it is all an illusion, I lie to myself thinking I could stay, I… I can't, I-“

“What if I ask you to stay?” he brings your hand to his heart, where it beats erratically, pulse seeping through your skin.

He’s as scared as you are.

“Chris…”

“What if I told you, Yn, please stay with me,” he breathes out, guiding your hand to gently cup his cheek. “Would you? Would you stay?”

“I'm terrified,” you whisper, as he tilts his head, bestowing a tender kiss on your palm.

“I know, so am I. But, you make me believe that even my bruised parts are worthy of love.”

He wins, before years of skeletons and piled up doubts, he wins.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I'm staying.”

“You are?”

“I am,” you giggle lightly and he staggers back, the sun pouring into his smile.

“Um, wow, okay. Thank you for staying,” his voice sounds airy, happiness floating in his tone, and you find it contagious, imprinting into your own.

“Thank you for asking me to stay.”

“You made it less daunting,” he pats your head, smoothing your hair down. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

He giggles in response and you can't help but mirror the sound. “Why are you so nervous?”

“Whaaat? I'm not,” his tone grows high-pitched and you roll your eyes amusedly.

“What happened to connected Chris?”

“He is flustered by the girl he wrote about.”

Your cheeks tint red as he places a hand above your head, caging you in place.

“I think the girl should get paid for being the muse.”

“Oh yeah?” he smirks, “I'll think about it.” His grin softens, as a content expression washes over his face. You know you must look the same. “Let's talk more tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” you grin, before placing a chaste kiss on his cheek. “Good night, Chris.”

“Good night, yn.”

You quietly watch as he walks to his apartment door, his hand settling on the door knob. He pauses, for a few seconds where the air around you stills, before swiveling around and walking over to you again.

you win.

“I forgot something,” he breathes out, before crashing his lips onto yours, furiously, as if needing to imprint his essence onto you, tainting your soul the way you have tainted him, permanently altering the composition of his being. His lips move on yours as if they've done this before, a dance they have rehearsed countless times, perhaps in all the dreams Chris visited you in. Yet, nothing compares to how it feels to have him touch you, lick your lower lip and drag his hand up your hips, press you against your apartment door, and nibble at your neck.

Nothing could have prepared you for the passion he shows you, for how delicious it feels to be pressed against him, for the storm that your lips conjure, swirling in your heart in vibrant shades of red. Then, for the softness of his lips as they slow down their course, plump and rosy as they meet your own, tenderly, more gently, one kiss after the other. “My hope,” he whispers, as his lips find yours again, “my missing piece.”

He’s hot and cold, in yet seeking no out, finally yours.

bonus (one year later).

“So I brought the eggs, milk, sugar,” Chris enumerates as he takes out the groceries, and you turn to look at Sowon to find her already gazing at you, a mischievous look on her face.

“How much do you wanna bet he forgot flour?” you whisper and she giggles, burying her face in her hands to stifle her laugh.

“And… Wait, where is the flour?” he trails off and you burst out laughing, as you and Sowon high-five each other excitedly.

“Daddy, you are really bad at groceries.”

“Am I?” he smiles sheepishly, fiddling with his earlobe in a manner that still makes your heart melt, renders your insides butterflies speaking of Chris’ name.

“Yes, it’s good Mom bought it,” she says naturally, looking down at her iPad. You and Chris freeze in your tracks, eyes instantly locking with one another, yours and his, glossy with emotion, a loving tide enveloping you both.

It's her first time calling you mom.

You swallow down the lump in your throat, crafted not by thorns but by petals, not by ache but with love, before placing your chin on the small of her shoulder, murmuring softly. "Mm, will you help me bake, baby?"

“Yes! I wanna be a baker when I grow up, just like you.”

“What happened to being a stylist?”

“I can't be both?” she frowns innocently.

“You can be anything you want, princess.” you bop her nose and she giggles, pressing a sweet kiss to your cheek.

In the grip of winter, Chris discovers a warmth that defies the season, casting off years of cold from the recesses of his bones. A soft smile graces his lips as he gazes at you, his hopes, his girls, the three of you clad in wolf slippers.

He’ll propose to you tomorrow.

#chan gives girl dad for sure 😭 this did bad things to my heart (in a good way of course lol)#stray kids x reader #skz imagines #skz x reader #skz fluff #stray kids imagine #stray kids fluff #bangchan x reader #bang chan fluff #bang chan imagines

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