shipdecki

[shipdecki]

the way s3 has already validated so very many of my thoughts abt callie 💪

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@yellowjacketsnetwork event 01: dynamics CALLIE & SHAUNA ft. Our Wives Under the Sea

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between my 'getting back into next to normal' phase + sarah's ig post where she's on the wilderness set next to the plane (what does this meaaaaaan) i thought it was time to. blow the dust off this ol' blog :')

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she's perfect to me actually

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The more that she tries to play it down the less she succeeds, so she instead focuses her attention on the embroidery detailing of her quilt, worrying her bottom lip near-insistently. "It's ... whatever." She also decides, after a moment of deliberation, not to throw in the fun little detail that it happened just a couple of days after Adam went 'missing'; it might ruin the tenuous amnesty that they have going on, as opposed to reassuring Shauna that she's not totally shit at this mother gig all in all. (It's totally okay that you're only finding out about this now, you were probably busy killing your boyfriend that day! Or disposing of his body! Or hiding the evidence––)

Callie's always way harder on her mom in her head than she is out loud. And then even harder on herself for being so critical, when she clearly does not understand her one bit. "I think that I just, like, outgrew him or something." Together since the summer before high school. His photos are still scattered all around her room, she notices, almost bitterly. Some from homecomings, others from summer trips to the beach, one from their very first date. "He was so childish."

GOD, SHE REALLY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT. it's not lost on shauna that the particulars of callie's life are a mystery to her - that her own daughter is near enough a stranger these days, except for when they're lying to the cops together. callie's rarely home when she can avoid it, and shauna has a lot on her plate, but the fact remains that in another, better world, callie told her about this the day it happened, and shauna took her out for ice cream. well-worn guilt swells in her chest, but things are the way they are ... and surely it counts for something that she's making the effort now.

" aw, callie, " she says, brows drawn together in some approximation of sympathy. she does care, but she cares in a way that fits wrong over her skin, pressing sharp into her collarbones. the joint warms her fingertips and she feels a bit like she's at one of those parties jackie used to put on when her parents were out of town, fumbling through a semblance of comfort with slow limbs and leaden tongue because jeff didn't show, for one reason or another. she's no good at this part; never was. " i'm not ... happy about it. that's ... that's hard, i'm sorry. "

she takes a drag for want of anything else to do, eyes flicking downward, avoiding callie's own. it soothes the sting of awkwardness some, lets her be alone in her own head, and it's quickly becoming clear that she might very well benefit from doing this on a regular basis.

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YELLOWJACKETS — 2.08 “it chooses”

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the way callie absolutely goes to bat for shauna even when it's coming from jeff like girlie i commend u for ur loyalty––

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Are you okay? Really? ... How the fuck is she meant to respond to that? How could anyone be okay with what unfolded tonight? The hunt, the masks, the weapons, the side to her mom that she's never known existed, not properly. She'd expected some sort of fucked up darkness to exist in all of them, really, considering what they went through all those years ago, but it's one thing to think it; it's another entirely to witness it in motion. To hold a gun steady, aim to kill another person if it means stopping them from killing someone else. Not just someone else, her twisted-as-shit mother, a woman that she's never felt closer to in her seventeen years than these past couple weeks.

"The fucking truth would be nice." Much as she would love to be able to sound strong, and pissed off, and demanding – her voice trembles, and her hands itch, feeling as though she's still holding on to that gun, as if her life had depended on it; maybe it had. her mom's had, anyway, and isn't that what she and her dad had come all the way out here for in the first place, to protect Shauna? "I just ... I just want to know. Everything. I'm sick and tired of, of being in the dark, about what happened when that plane crashed, about–– all of you. What you did."

@shipdecki said: ❛ you're managing this so much better than i ever could. ❜

she would have argued, but this wasn't shauna or one of the others. this was callie. this was a teenager. she may have always known she didn't need kids of her own, but jackie was aware enough to know unburdening herself on one wasn't exactly proper adult-like etiquette. so, instead, jackie let out a little chuckle, pulling the blanket around her shoulders a tiny bit tighter.

"i've had over twenty-five years worth of this kind of shit," she noted, looking over at callie then with a furrowed brow. "are you okay? really?" surrounded by an ambulance and police cars and crying adults, no end to the madness of the evening in sight... well, jackie knew a little something about that scenario, too. "do you need anything?"

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i’m so in love with how sarah is able to portray such complex emotions and feelings with the slightest of expressions. like you can TELL that callie is so much more fucked up about creepy cop than she’s letting on, you can tell that she is genuinely distraught and torn up about it below that surface level act

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Blood runs cold, hackles raised and brows drawn tightly together. "I–I do?" Incredulity colours her tone almost as strongly as the fear that been lurking under her skin for the last little while, prickling uncomfortably with every movement. She wants to rip her hands out of Charlotte's grip, to turn and run and bury her head in the sand. Yet it's a gesture of such sincerity, such warmth, that Callie finds herself holding on, complexity of her emotions towards any and all of her mom's high school friends be damned. "W-well, I think. I, I have, like, bad dreams sometimes, but that's ... that's normal, isn't it?"

THE FURTHER, it was dark, dangerous, and twisted place. cold and haunted, infested with evil spirits and parasites. the belief that you had simply lost your sanity at a young age : [ it was all in your head, lottie. none of it's real. ] it was as real as the ground she stepped on, as real as the girl who stood before her, as real as herself. others just saw with false eyes; could you blame them? mastery of sleep walking, understanding the devil realm : [ it was her burden to bear. ]

" you have a gift. " gently clasping the girls hands between hers, " a powerful one, at that. " it was a sense of relief, to have someone understand this unfortunate, INSIDIOUS life. there's a lingering thought pestering her brain : [ it's shauna's little girl. ] did you have it in you to place her in harms way? no one protected you from this life. was it now your mission to deter the girl from this path? to protect her the way no one protected you? " how do you [ @shipdecki ] sleep at night? "

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A whole string of potential responses rest on the tip of her tongue, each waiting for their chance to jump out – hostility, insolence, sarcasm. She ultimately decides to acquiesce, dumbly just nodding her head along, quietly agreeing; she doesn't want to fight either. She's never wanted to fight. She's only ever wanted to get along with her mom, to love her and be loved in return. How fucking sad is that?

"Wow, mom." Though she feigns offence in her tone, Callie can't help but snicker away, feeling only the slightest bit sorry for Kyle and his ... forgettableness. Finally, she parts with the joint, almost pressing it into Shauna's grip when she realises she's been hogging it a little. "I broke up with him, like, last week?" She tries to sound all blasé about it, but it's hard to act like it hasn't affected her. It's a crappy cherry on top of the shit sundae that is her life as of late.

The loss of a two year teenage relationship doesn't even come close to, you know, your mother cheating and then committing murder, and your father trying to blackmail her and her high school friends (for a totally different thing that callie is still in the dark about), but it doesn't help. It's not like she can candidly talk about anything that's going on at the moment, but at least Ilana listens to her vague complaints and tries to comfort her. Kyle just scrolled Instagram and texted his mom about breakfast options, for fuck's sake. "Try not to be as happy as Dad'll be when he finally figures out."

SHE'S STILL LYING, IS THE THING: she's strict with callie mostly because it's easier, because she doesn't know how to be anything else, because she's terrified of what might happen if she is. there are some truths she can share and some that will stay tucked behind her teeth forever, high or sober, sweet or mean. callie could do anything she wanted if she didn't spend her energy the way she does, that much she knows is true - but it's hardly why shauna ruins her fun. she taps her thigh six times exactly, groaning into a sigh. " can we please just - not? for five fucking minutes? i don't wanna fight. " not when she feels this good, this purely good, for the first time in living memory. she thinks about the look on kevyn's face when he saw callie and cringes away from it, from so many other things that add up to faye dunaway eventually playing her in the movie of their life. she's pretty sure joan crawford never smoked with her daughter, but then, that's probably not a point in shauna's favour.

" how's ... god, what's his name - kyle? how's he doing? " turning over, she balances on her elbows, looking for all the world like an overgrown teenage girl. she can wait her turn: at the very least, she can observe proper etiquette. ( or rather, what she's heard secondhand from natalie. shauna's personal poison was always more malibu and milk than anything else. )

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just a normal wednesday and i'm thinking abt callie who apologises to her mom when her dad comes home late, who is a cynical little judgy brat yet who cries with such empathy and concern for her mom when high on molly, who is deeply affected by her mom's infidelity yet tries her best to protect her all the same, who tries her best to respect her mom's boundaries when it comes to the trauma she endured despite it hurting them both, who doesn't want to be like her mom yet who lies to the police and shoots a stranger in order to protect her––

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"I mean, I guess?" Weight shifts from one foot to the other, and with it so too does the strap of her backpack – she's only got the one thrown over her shoulder, of course, because two would look dorky, even if it would better distribute the weight of her trig and calc and history textbooks and alleviate the knot of pain that's currently forming in between her shoulderblades from the imbalance, but hey! No pain no gain, right? "Why, what was your go-to when school was especially shitty?" There's some snarky follow-up comment about ye olden days that rises in her throat but she chooses instead to bite her tongue, a rarity in and of itself. Nat seems cool––cool enough that Callie wants to make a good impression, desperate as she is, at least until she gets to know her a little bit.

CALLIE @shipdecki : it was miserable, thanks.

"uh." so that's what having a teenager would feel like. good thing she never bothered going down that particular route, right? not that the girl is a nuisance, but callie sure has an attitude, all raw & bloody like her mother's. difficult not to see shauna's skeleton under all that pretty youthful skin & healthy pink full of baby fat cheeks -- although, truthfully, you gotta see beyond it. by you, we mean nat. because young shauna would mean young nat, and we all know where that one goes, right? change the tape, baby, that one's rotten. "figure. didn't like school either. well. let me make your day better, 'k? we can go…" don't say drink, nat, don't say drink. "i dunno, shopping? is that what you lot do?" you meaning teen girls meaning pretty popular girls meaning who she never got to be meaning who she never wanted to be & now longs for so badly. who knew she'd be desperate to bond with the probably overly popular pretty thing, the one that would have found a way or two to look down at her had they grown up together in whatever little microcosm of an highschool she's currently studying in while mom stays at home & dad pretends to be working (even though the little bell above the door never clings). shauna really got herself the perfect white-picket-fence tragedy of a tv-on-all-day-long life, alright.

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the callie/dawn summers similarities … send tweet

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CALLIE SADECKI in SEASON 2, EPISODE 5 of YELLOWJACKETS : two truths and a lie.

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okay hear me out: callie as the next antler queen. lottie was the one who named the last one because of her power in the wilderness, and what's the first thing she did when she saw callie? commented on how powerful and strong she is! also we all saw callie's face watching shit go down in the woods, she's gonna get VERY involved now lmao

grab a tinfoil hat, bestie, because that is also the theory i'm rolling with on this blog for callie in the future

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they could never make me hate you baby girl