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Okay Monster Hunter fans, let’s talk weapons. Specifically, let’s talk about the three weapons that have eluded the main line games for now: the Tonfa, the Magnet Spike, and the Accel Axe. With the inclusion of Akuma in Wilds as a pseudo-weapon, a lot of people have been theorizing on whether or not these can come back, and I have some thoughts.

Speaking of Akuma, his inclusion basically removes any possibility for the Tonfa to show up, at least in my eyes. The Tonfa, while honestly really goddamn cool, just don’t have a place in modern Monster Hunter. And it’s not a design thing, but rather a function thing; the Tonfa’s ability to invert damage zones (strong to impact>weak to impact, weak to slash>strong to slash) would be too problematic. Between that and how Akuma fills that “hand-to-hand” aesthetic, I just don’t see them adding it to the game, although if they did, it’d probably be a Gemma invention.

The Magnet Spike has a very similar issue to the Tonfa in that its functionality, while cool, just wouldn’t be balanced in modern Monster Hunter. Frontier was a completely different beast which allowed for the Magnet Spike to do way too much, but still give the illusion of being balanced. But between its rather uniquely effective form of mobility and its capability to deal both slash and impact damage, it can just accomplish too much. That being said, another weapon with the raw complexity of the Charge Blade would be nice, and of the three weapons I’m talking about here today, this is by far the one I want to be ported over the most. It just feels like something Werner would cook up.

And now, finally, the most realistic choice for a potential new weapon: the Accel Axe. Now, while this thing’s first and only appearance was in a mobile title, it’s got a lot going for it: It’s purely slash damage, it’s got a unique “burst damage” play style somewhere between the Greatsword, Hammer, SwAxe, and Charge Blade, and it’s a big friggin axe with a big friggin rocket booster on it. Aesthetically and functionally, it fits rather well into modern Monster Hunter, and with the raw advancement in tech we’ve seen in Wilds, I could totally see Gemma and Werner collaborating to make one of these.

Final thoughts: I want all of these to show up at some point. I know it’s an unrealistic desire, but screw it. Capcom has already shown they’re listening to their fans; Title Update 2 has been some damn good eating for Tri diehards like myself. If they’re willing to give Lagiacrus an underwater section of its fight, who really knows what they’ve got planned.

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Okay, time for an aggressively hot take:

Mega Dragonite is actually a perfect design; it’s just not “Mega”.

What do I mean by this? Simply put, the actual design of Mega Dragonite is amazing. Actually excellent. But it’s not “Mega” enough to be a Mega Evolution. It lacks that unnecessarily over the top nature of most other Mega designs(Mega Audino has the same problem). It does a great job calling back to Dragonair’s design elements and combining them with Dragonite, but it doesn’t do enough to really feel like it earns that “Mega” title. Maybe if they hadn’t shrunk down its original wings, it’d be a different story.

Realistically, it should have been a regional variant. Frame it as Kalosian Dragonite and just watch how perspective of it shifts.

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Time for another Monster Hunter Wilds crackpot theory, brought to you by yours truly!

This time, I’m bringing attention to something very interesting added with Title Update 2: the Lagiacrus weapons, but more specifically, their unique skill. Taking Thunder Resist and having it double dip as a means to boost the weapon’s Elemental Damage is really cool, but it has a really interesting caveat: this skill is attached to a Thunder weapon. That means that, in most situations, you will never really be able to take full advantage of what it can offer you.

But that brings up the question of why? Naturally, you might think it’d be a good option to hunt Lagiacrus itself considering it’s a primarily aquatic Leviathan, but it’s actually resistant to Thunder Element (which to be fair should be obvious with how it wields its own array of potent electrical attacks).

Currently, there’s only one monster where you can really use the Lagiacrus weapons as a means to an end, and that’s Zoh Shia. But that’s also accompanied by a big asterisk, since it’s still not the optimum choice to deal with our favorite Equal Dragon Weapon made real. Dragon Element is still the far superior choice for dealing damage, and the Thunder Resist you’d be stacking up to take full advantage of the Lagi weapons’ skill would only come into play during the third phase.

So that brings me back to my primary question and the crackpot theory associated with it: Why would they create a weapon that feels so anti-synergistic with itself?

2 words: Guardian Zinogre.

Now I know what you’re thinking: “But Zinogre is either resistant or immune to Thunder Element in every appearance it’s ever had!” To which I would agree, Zinogre has. But that’s why I specifically said a *Guardian* Zinogre. Guardian monsters are known for two things; their interaction with the Wylk… and their increased vulnerability to all Elements compared to their base counterparts.

I know I’m probably wrong, and there’s a heck of a lot of bias attached to this theory, but I can’t help but hope I’m right, especially with the surprise addition of Seregios this Title Update. Could you imagine how intense a Guardian Zinogre fight would be? Zinogre itself can already be a difficult hunt due to its fully charged state and its mobility; now add in how its Thunder Element could interact with the Wylk, much like Zoh Shia’s does in its third phase.

The signs all point to it. Now all we can do is wait.

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Okay, Monster Hunter rant time. And spoilers for Wilds’ story if you somehow haven’t played it.

So at this point, it’s pretty much undeniable that Zoh Shia is, or at least at one point was, the Equal Dragon Weapon. It’s also undeniable that it has Black Dragon cells within it, most likely that of the Fatalis that took down the Ancient Civilization.

But what I want to discuss is the way we discover it: slumbering within the Dragontorch, absorbing power from the Wylk around it. Doesn’t this sound vaguely familiar? It should, because this whole situation closely parallels Xeno Jiiva, who was luring Elder Dragona to it to feed off their energy.

Between the above and the story of the founding of the Hunter’s Guild (the Azure Star), I can’t help but wonder how many times one of those extraterrestrial Psuedo-Elder Dragons have touched down over the course of history, especially since we’ve seen a Safi Jiiva, the matured version of Xeno Jiiva. Could experiencing one of those have inspired the creation and usage of the Wylk?

And how about Zoh Shia’s return? It doesn’t come back in its crystalline form at first; it comes back in its fully corrupted form. Does that mean that the Fatalis’ Black Dragon cells are absorbing the Wylk too? And does it coming back again render it a White Fatalis? And where do Dire Miralis and Alatreon fit in here? Do all Black Dragons possess the ability to regenerate from mere cells?

I love lore speculation.

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Just thinking about my lizard, Fred, and how his favorite video game to watch is League of Legends.

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Okay, I’m gonna say it:

If someone can take frickin Pachirisu to Worlds and win, anything can be viable. Stop being afraid to experiment with your favorite Pokemon just because a few Poketubers and Smogon say something isn’t viable.

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Okay, GameFreak, I know I told you that I wanted a rival I would want to beat, but I hate Nemona for all the wrong reasons. Idk about other people, but I find annoyingly NICE rivals far more hate-able in the bad way than annoyingly obnoxious ones. Give me a Blue, Bede, or Lear over a Nemona any day.

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Bruising my rib has really opened my eyes to a few things. Like how much you take for granted breathing without pain until every other breath makes you want to keel over