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Goose Island Beer Company, O’Hare International Airport, Chicago, IL

No.

I may actually have food poisoning. 

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Pub Pretzels and a Burger

$TooMuch -http://www.gooseisland.com/

Location: It includes a phenomenal view of gate L5 and the men’s room.

Parking: It’s in an airport. Take a guess. 

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Portillos, Chicago, IL

Yes.

Now that Hot Doug’s is gone (RIP), Portillo’s is a great option for Chicago dogs. 

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Hot Dog - With everything includes: mustard, relish, celery salt, freshly chopped onions, sliced red ripe tomatoes, kosher pickle and sport peppers piled onto a perfectly steamed poppy seed bun.

$2.99 - http://www.portillos.com/index.html

Location: Chicago-y. Lots of Cubs paraphernalia etc. Overall enjoyable atmosphere.  

Parking: Use public transit. 

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Kuma’s Corner, Chicago, IL

Yes.

Best burger I’ve ever had in my life. 

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Black Sabbath - Chili, Pepperjack, Red Onion, Blackening Spice

https://kumascorner.com/

Location: The theme is hard rock / metal music. So be prepared for that going in. It’s on and it’s loud. 

Parking: Use public transit.

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Stockyard Restaurant, Brighton, MA

Yes.

It’s the type of place that has been around forever because they know what they’re doing 

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Hickory Smoked Baby Back Ribs: Full rack, BBQ sauce, maple slaw, grilled cornbread, hand-cut fries

$24 - http://stockyardrestaurant.com

Location: It’s definitely... old school. The type of steakhouse you’d go to with your parents. Which is not a bad thing. (Especially if they’re paying, amiright?)

Parking: It’s fine.

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Tavern in the Square, Various Locations, MA

Yes.

I’ve been to a few of these locations and haven’t had a bad meal yet.

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Chicken + Bacon + Waffles: Potato chip crusted chicken, bacon, mashed potatoes, buttered hot sauce, maple syrup

$15 - http://taverninthesquare.com

Locations: All the ones I’ve been to have been clean and well maintained.

Parking: Varies.

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b.good, Natick, MA

No.

‘Good’ may be in the title, but it ain’t in the taste.

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The Cousin Oliver: lettuce, tomato, onions, Chef Tony's homemade pickles.

Prices not listed online - http://www.bgood.com

Location: Well, it’s next to a Ben & Jerry’s, so that’s a plus. 

Parking: There’s enough.

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Burger Dive, Somerville, MA

Yes.

It isn’t like ‘oh my god!’ incredible, but it’s a solid burger joint with a little creativity.

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Frito Chili-Cheddar Burger: Kickn’ Chili, minced scallions, fritos, cheddar cheese.

$7.69 - http://burgerdive.com 

Location: During the winter it’s a little tight but they expand to outdoor seating when the season allows. 

Parking: Ample. And it’s all just outside Assembly Square.

Bonus Foodstuff! (A.K.A. I was *really* hungry.)

Pearl All Natural Dive Style Hotdog - Mustard, Onions, Relish - $4.19

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Various Foodstuffs, Columbus, Ohio

Varies.

Our annual food-based vacation took us to the Buckeye State this year with mixed results.

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Location: The city was... quaint. It was nice. Fairly clean. But, for comparison, it didn’t have the coziness of Boise

Parking: Expensive at the hotel. And Short North was a nightmare. 

Cheese fires, chili dog, and Chicago dog from Dirty Frank’s. Fantastic 

Shrimp and grits from Skillet. The best breakfast I had on the trip. 

Eggs, bacon, and biscuit from North Star. *Not* the best breakfast I had on the trip. 

Hoof Hearted burger and fries. Burger was lackluster. Cajun fries were strong. 

Delicious shrimp cocktail from Cameron’s American Bistro.

Filet topped with a lobster claw, also Cameron’s American Bistro. 

Warm chocolate cake with vanilla bean ice cream and white chocolate whipped cream. Again: Cameron’s American Bistro. If you couldn’t already tell, this was the best stop of the whole weekend. 

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Meatball Kitchen, Natick, MA

No.

Don’t get me wrong, the food is pretty good, but it is egregiously, nay, criminally overpriced. 

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Balls & All: Three balls, sauce of choice, one side. I chose ‘classic’ balls (“trinity” of meat - beef / pork / veal), far diavolo sauce, and rigatoni.

$18.95 (!) - http://mbkrestaurant-natick-wilbraham.com

Location: I only saw the bar, which was clean and particularly well lit. (Can’t speak to the dining room.)

Parking: It’s in the Natick Mall so it depends on the time of day/week/year.

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In A Pickle, Waltham, MA

Yes.

Well, that was simply delightful. 

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The Loaded Waffle: Freshly cooked waffle with fresh blueberries, strawberries and bananas on top with a mountain of whipped cream to finish it off.

$9.25 - http://www.in-a-pickle.com

Location: If you’re truly interested they have a virtual tour on their website. Spoiler: It’s a diner. 

Parking: It’s on Moody Street in downtown Waltham... soooo, not ideal.

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Raising Cane’s, Boston, MA

Yes.

Most parts of the meal are meh, but the chicken is extraordinarily tender and delicious.

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The Box Combo: Four chicken fingers, crinkle-cut fries, coleslaw, texas toast, cane’s sauce, lemonade (optional)

https://raisingcanes.com

Location: It’s like a KFC... but cleaner (obviously).  

Parking: No idea. Thanks Uber!

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Lucky’s Lounge, Boston, MA

No.

If I were to go back I’d probably try something else, which tells you everything you need to know. 

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The Lucky Burger: Hand formed, house ground prime chuck beef, lettuce, tomato, pickled onion, fancy sauce, toasted flour bun

$14 - http://luckyslounge.com

Location: I have no idea. It was so dark in there that everything just appeared as dark shapes. (And this was mid-afternoon, mind you.)

Parking: Fuck that. I took the train.

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Cookie Monstah Food Truck, Boston, MA

Yes.

It’s a little tough to eat and it makes you thirsty af... but I mean, seriously, are you seeing this photo?

[Two chocolate chunk cookies with vanilla ice cream.]

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Strawberry Banana Smoothie, Split My Banana

Yes.

So, uh, yea, it was pretty... smooth... I guess? 

Look, I’m gonna level with ya: I just got it because of how hot the chick working there was.

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Venison Chili, Open Season

Yes.

This hearty chili was absolutely delicious... it was just missing a dollop of sour cream to give it a bit more balance. 

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Bacon Wrapped Mac & Cheese Balls, The Chuck Wagon

Yes.

See name above.

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Pastrami Reuben Hand Pie, The Roving Lunchbox

No.

Certainly an interesting idea and it’s fairly well executed, but I cannot imagine eating one again.