This is often a taboo subject that is not talked about. Having experienced this myself, I want to share my own experiences in hopes to connect with others experiences to let you know that we are not alone. Whether you have been a victim or an offender, feel free to send me an anonymous message of your story. There are absolutely no judgements here. There is always a reason behind everything and whether you have committed the abuse or experienced it, I welcome you with open arms. May we all learn to heal.
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The second time
My cousin also lived in the same house with my older brothers and I. We were all hanging out in my aunt’s room one day and my second oldest brother told me to go under the sheets to stick something in my mouth. Clearly confused, I went with it. He proceeded to shove his penis in my mouth again and again. He insisted I stay under the sheets to continue. It wasn’t long before my mother came into the room and found out what my brother was making me do. She took out a dust broom and immediately started to hit us. She hit us again and again telling us what we were doing was wrong and continued to yell. Angry at how it wasn’t my fault, I glared at my brother in anger at what he made me do.
Looking back on this now, I wonder how and where my brother learned this from. He was 7 or 8 at the time, how did this start for him?
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The first time
I remember I was 5 years old or so and I woke up to my oldest brother rubbing his body against me. My two older brothers and I all had one big room to share as children. There were three beds total all set side by side and my parents room were across the hall. I remember laying there completely confused as to what was going on. I sat there awake as my brother continued to press himself against me. My other brother laid across the bed from me, staring at me, confused just as I was. Although I didn’t know what was going on, I knew something was wrong. I spoke to my mother about it, explaining what my older brother had done. She might have been confused about what I was trying to say, but I kept on insisting that it was weird, I was confused and worried. She pushed the topic away as if it wasn’t a big deal and I gave up.
In recent years, a huge fear of being around my brother has grown. I can’t be in the same room with him for longer than a minute. I get incredibly tense, scared and defensive. I keep all talk minimal and will always find a way to leave. I’m about to start counselling to heal as I don’t want this to continue with this fear forever.
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