#sexualabuse

[totally-not-a-tickle-blog]

Hi can I infodump about Roy and my interpretation w/ him when it comes to coping mechanism regards sexual abuse to you?

Click here to allow me 👇 (long text)

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To be honest I don't think he'll leave the more ""stereotypical"" type of victim bubble since 1- He's not a big focus in the show and 2- It's quite complicated and I don't know if Sr Pelo and the team would go that deep, but I like to overanalyze things. With that being said:

It feels off for me when he's shown as easily affected whenever his uncle is mentioned. I personally don't see it as HIM.

It's vague and anyone can see it whatever they like, it's 100% fine, but Roy is just... stubborn and ignorant. Those are two of his biggest traits and it's impossible for it not to affect how he deals with that trauma; he already has to deal with arrogant parents (mostly mother), not being himself even if he wants to (what pretty much hurts his natural ego), so being aware that even ANOTHER member of your family took advantage of you in even worst ways is basically a shot straight to the head. He's fighting something already and he'll definitely be in denial with a second one, not to mention that if people actually began to act all "soft" after finding that out IT'D MAKE THINGS WORSE.

It's literally the same as going to someone who wants to be seen as superior and mock him by treating them like a baby. It'll just make him try harder and harder to be taken seriously, including trying to ignore the trauma more and more.

And to be honest, even if he told his parents he'd stay in denial. Carmen and Richard are questionable parents but they're not monsters like some people think they are, they'd offer help and ask him what they want and need to know, but it changes nothing on how they treated him before nor his personality will suddenly change. I also have a lot to talk about his relationship with his parents, but that's for another one if I feel like it.

Now coming back to the beginning, when I mention that he doesn't get triggered when his uncle is the topic, I see it like that because his mind couldn't properly see the uncle as an enemy. He knows that what happened is wrong and that he's an asshole, but I'm talking about something more personal. A poor example for the sensation itself: You eat in a restaurant, and weeks later you find out that the waiter spit in your food. Will you come back? No. Are you also full MAD at him? Also no. You got angry in the first moments, sometimes still do, but you didn't even saw anything wrong with your food back then. You recognized it, but your brain didn't.

Now, when it's the sexual abuse itself, it affects him way more mostly because it makes him feel stupid, paranoid and dare I say disgusted maybe. I admit, that part is mostly me projecting, but it still makes sense in a way. It's more of a internal change instead of an external one (are those the right words?), since the consequences isn't as obvious and explicit if you did recognized the scene as a trauma at the time. You may not be against physical touch, but you may struggle interacting nicely afraid that you'll mess up again. I hope I didn't messed up on that part, or any at all--

ALRIGHT, briefly, Roy don't want sympathy, but he needs empathy, just like his friends are doing. They know what Roy goes through and still won't let him do whatever he wants, don't try babysitting him nor desperately tries to search for help right away like that. He's focused on his parents and can't handle even more trauma right now, and if he does start to try helping himself it'll be when he's older and don't have as much ego as he does now.

Ty for reading and I am SO SO sorry if I said anything shitty, sexual abuse is a topic that I always had some sort of interest on (studying and talking about), so I tend to think about it a lot specially when a hyperfixation is included.

EDIT: Just wanted to add that Roy's anger issues are also a nice response to everything I just said (nice in a "it connects" way, not good), someone as low-tempered as himself wouldn't be able to handle with the pressure of "You need to vent" without "exploding", thinking that his abuse consequently made him weaker and less worth of respect; "That shit just makes everything worse, so it's easier if I just ignore it!"

[cyarsk52-20]

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i.amresilient

sorry I’ve been so inactive- I’ve been so busy getting some support groups all set up… if you’re interested in joining please message me:)

Anyways, here are some tweets that I’ve see recently that all stood out to me in different ways.

[matthew-animations]

RadioDust Talk with Me Comic - Chapter 3 Part 5 (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/973861278-radiodust-talk-with-me-comic-chapter-3-part-5?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_reading This is the radiodust comic from Rinnax3. She's the artist.

[cyarskaren52]

Reminder as we get into hotter weather:

She's not dressed like a slut, you just think like a rap*st.

[blessingellyse]

WHY NARCISSISTS WANT CHILDREN 💯🎯⁉️📌

It Attracts A Lot Of Attention. Narcs Need Attention Far More Than Most People And Will Use Almost Anything To Get It Even Children And What Better Way Is There To Get Everyone’s Attention? Narcs Are Impulsive And Don’t Think Through Consequences So They’re Often Blind As To How Big A Commitment Children Are, Preferring To Focus On The Adulation Instead. Narcs Know That Word Travels Fast And If They Have An Ex They Want To Get At, They Might Have Children Just To Hurt Them. Especially If They Know That They Wanted Children Themselves. That’s How Petty They Can Be.

Narcs Hate Being Single And Certainly Don’t Welcome Someone Dumping Them. That’s Their Job So They Use Children As Insurance. Narcs Know That It’s More Difficult To Leave Them If They Share Children. Because Their Partners, Who Are Usually Empathic, Think Of Their Children’s Needs Before Their Own And Although May Be Unhappy In Their Relationship, Stay To Keep The Family Together. With Children In The Equation, It’s A Whole Different Ball Game. Because A Split Affects Them More Than The Couple And Many People Don’t Want To Be Responsible For Tearing A Child’s Family Apart. So They’re More Likely To Stay With The Narc Even If They’re Unhappy.

Increasing The Pressure To Stay In The Relationship Allows The Narc To Treat Their Partners Worse And Get Away With It. Narcs Learn How Far They Can Push Their Partners, Without Quite Pushing Them Away. They Learn Their Breaking Point And Push Them Just Bellow That Point. This Allows Them To Take As Much As They Can, Yet Keep Them Around So They Can Take Some More, Giving Them The Most Bang For Their Buck. The Breaking Point Is Likely To Be Much Higher When Children Are Involved Because No Right Minded Person Would Split A Family Over A “Minor Incident”, Which Narcs Are Experts At Making Them Seem. So The Bar Is Raised As To What Behaviours Would Spell An End To The Relationship, Allowing The Narcs To Get Away With More.

Even If The Relationship Ends, Children Still Play A Useful Role For The Narc. Because For 18 Years, The Narc Has Access To Their Former Partner And They Have The Law On Their Side. They Can Disappear And Do What They Want. Then When Things Turn Sour, Come Marching Back “For The Sake Of The Children". Narcs Don’t Particularly Care About Seeing Their Children. Which Is Why They Often Have Long Absences From Them, But They’re A Great Tool To Use To Get Their Feet Back Under The Table. Most Well Meaning Parents Won’t Deny Their Children Seeing The Other Parent. Even If They’ve Disappeared For A While. This Allows The Narc To Dip In And Out Of Their Life. And Work Their Charm If They Want Some Action. If The Narc Has Children With More Than One Partner, Then It’s Party Time. Because They Can Flit Between Several Peoples Lives. And When They Grow Bored, Discard Them And Move To Another.

Narcs See Their Children As Extensions Of Themselves And Some Want Children So They Can Live Through Them And Push Them To Accomplish What They Never Did. So They May Push Their Children To Become Doctors, Lawyers, Actors, Singers, Etc. Regardless Of What The Child Wants For Themselves And This Can Cause Problems Later In Life. It Can Be Like Fitting A Square Peg Into A Round Hole. People Need To Find Their Own Way, Based On Their Own Strengths, Weaknesses And Interests, But The Narc Is Too Focused On Their Own Ambitions To Consider This And Relentlessly Push Their Own Agenda.

The Narc Usually Takes Credit For Any Success The Child Has And Claims It’s Their Genes And Good Parenting That’s Responsible. To Outsiders They May Seem Like A Proud Parent, But The Only Pride They Really Have Is In Themselves. They See Children As A Boost To Their Profile. Because In Their Mind It Shows How Virile And Desirable They Are. Some Narcs See Children As A Numbers Game. The More They Have, The Greater They Must Be. So They Try To Have As Many Children As Possible, Despite Being Absent Parents.

Narcs Don’t Usually Have Strong Parental Instincts, So They Leave Most Of The Parenting To Their Partners And This Works Out Great For Them. Narcs Like To Saddle Their Partners With Children Because It Keeps Them Under Lock And Key. The Narc Knows That Their Partner Has Little Freedom When They’re Almost Solely Responsible For The Children And It Keeps Them Safely Tucked Away At Home Whilst They Swan Around Without A Care In The World. Parenting Is Draining And Narcs Like To Play The Energy Game With Their Partners. This Is Where They Tire Them Out Whilst Preserving Their Own Energy. This Allows Them To Dominate Their Fatigued Partner Because They Have Less Mental And Physical Strength To Fight Back.

Although Narcs Do Little Actual Parenting, The Outside World Doesn’t Know This And The Narc Talks A Good Game To Friends, Family And Co-workers, Creating The Impression They’re Doting Parents And Normal Functioning Members Of Society. Narcs Hide Behind A Family Persona To Disguise Their Dysfunctional Ways And It Can Work Wonders For Their Image And Reputation. Narcs Love People Thinking Highly Of Them. It’s An Ego Boost For One And It Also Helps Them Gain Attention And Favours Because People Are More Willing To Trust And Spend Time With People Who Are High Functioning. Narcs See Everyone Around As An Extension Of Themselves Rather Than As Separate Individuals. This Includes Their Own Children.

There Are Several Mistakes The Narc Parent Is Certain To Make During Their Counter-Parenting Journey. These Mistakes Will Undoubtedly Come Back To Haunt Them, Possibly Years Down The Line. Narcs Are So Self-absorbed They Fail To Stop And Consider That Children Eventually Grow Up And See The Damaging Behaviour With Their Own Eyes. Their Children Are Not Immune From Being At The Receiving End Of The Narc's Cycle Of ‘idealise And Devalue’, Where They Are Alternately Lovebombed, (Showered With Praise And Attention), And Then Subtly Devalued, Criticised, Withdrawn From And Put Down. This Leaves Them Confused And Hurt, And They Start Jumping Through Hoops To Please The Parent Enough To Re-Enter The Idealization Phase Again. This Is A Cycle That Repeats Ad Infinitum, Over And Over Again, Even When The Child Becomes An Adult Themselves.

Narcs' Children Will Be Triangulated And Played Off Against Others (Often Their Own Siblings Or Cousins), And Will Find Themselves Vying For The Narc’s Attention. They Will Be Gaslighted/Lied To By The Narc To The Point Where They Their Own Reality Is Dismissed As False, So That They Stop Trusting Their Own Perceptions Of Reality. They Will Be Demeaned And Shamed. If They Are Particularly Good At Something, Behind Closed Doors They May Find Themselves On The Receiving End Of The Narc Parent’s Jealously. Confusingly, The Narc May Then, In Front Of An Audience, Hold Up Their Child’s Talent As A Source Of Pride, As Just Another Way To Gain Positive Attention For Themselves.

It’s Not Surprising That Narcs Want Children For Selfish Reasons. Everything Else In Their Life Revolves Around Them, So Why Should This Be Any Different? But It’s Easy For Their Partners To Be Fooled Into Thinking That They Want Them For The Right Reasons, Especially When The Narcissist Knows What To Say. Narcs May Talk Romantically About How Children Will Bring Them Closer And How Much Joy They’ll Bring, Which Is All Very Appealing, But When The Children Arrive, The Harsh Reality Kicks In. The Narc Becomes More Narc Because They Can Get Away With It And Spends Little Time And Energy On Their Children Because They’re Still Hyper Focused On Themselves. Despite All The Promises They Made, The Sad Truth Is That Even With Children, Narcs Want Everything To Revolve Around Them And They’re Happy To Take The Focus Away From Their Children Because Deep Down, They’re Big Kids Themselves.

In Short, And To Put It Bluntly, Narcs Do Not Have What It Takes To Be Good Parents. They Cannot Put Another’s Needs First.

[2802mi]

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. I CAN'T STAND AND COPE WITH BEING A RAPE VICTIM.

I don't usually post here about my private life, but I think I have become desperate at this point.

The worst thing is I can't do anything about it, really. Despite trying to report the case all I have got was contempt from policemen especially when they saw that I, the victim, am a grown man and that my abuser is a woman (FtM which makes it even worse), so I am forced to be quiet about it.

I also can see that my abuser has absolutely no remorse over what happened and I am forced to be silenced because according to Polish law no sexual abuse occured (I would have to try to physically fight that person despite that I was unable to) so I risk defamation lawsuit if I am open about what happened to me, so I have to bottle my emotions, knowing that someone used me as their toy for pleasure and did it deliberately and knowingly.

In psychological terms, I can't cope with the fact that my abuser stated clearly that she 'wants to be a man like me' which makes me unable to look in my own mirror, really. I feel dirty and perverted, as if I were no longer God's creation. I am really unable to cope with the damage that happened to me and the fact I can't do anything and I have lost. I really try to believe that God himself loves me despite all that, and that in the end salvation awaits me but as for now, the psychological pain that occurred from the sexual abuse has left me broken, and fearful of future as my chances of marriage have decreased to near 0% as no one will want a man who could not defend himself from someone he could (theoretically) easily overpower, also I can imagine that people if they know what happened, they will be physically repulsed by me that someone so disgusting touched me and stripped me of all intimacy.

I really hope that in the end it will all work out, but as for now future seems really bleak and I am frustrated.

[liberaleffects]

Turns out this is maybe photoshopped, but I'm sure George feels like this.

Can't wait for his documentary about Jim Jordan and what he knew about the sexual abuse of 177 students OSU, about which at least 18 students now have stated that Jim Jordan and other staff members knew about the abuse at the time and did NOTHING!!!

[cyarsk5230]

A whole sermon! Social media is REAL. These are REAL people giving their REAL opinions based on how they REALLY feel and think.

[dellb1969]

1981 Tekakwitha Children’s Home

If memory serves me right, it was here that I spent much of my second round of the sixth grade. Unlike the previous attempt, I was actually more present this time.

I was in class, I was doing the work and I was getting good grades. I have to think that it was because I was in a more structured environment. My house parent was vested in me and he cared, taking his role quite seriously. It was unusual to have that show of strength presented to me so openly and blatantly.

His name was, Charlie.

I had a room to myself and I preferred it that way, I hung posters on the wall and I wanted a plant. I asked for a clipping of a plant from one of the staff members and I grew it in water like I had seen my grandmother do many times.

When the plant was ready to be transplanted I chose a hanging basket and Charlie hung the hook and plant for me. When the other boys made fun of me, he defended me by telling them of the process in which it took the plant to grow and how I did that by my nurturing it to life and to grow roots.

It was a different world having an uncomplicated life of sorts, one where normalcy was a possibility. The problem with a child coming from chaos is that I didn’t have all of the skills to exist in normalcy. I coped better in a chaotic life where I had to troubleshoot my problems with the limited resources and knowledge that I had.

Still, I did my best while I had the chance. One of my good friends there was the same boy who I was forced to witness his rape by the same two teenage boys that raped me an hour before. It was like an unholy bond that we shared and I could see the differences it made in him some eight years later when our bedrooms were in the same unit.

When we would walk past that room, he would run the six feet to put distance between the door and him. I noticed my own behavior as well, I’d walk all of the way to the opposite side of the wall. Once I asked him as we walked past, ‘do you ever think about what happened in there?’

He reassured me that he didn’t.

Our friendship was a different one, changing after I witnessed him coming out of his bedroom closet looking exhausted and carrying a lotion bottle and a pillow. I didn’t know why or more so that I really didn’t want to know.

In a few more years he would be sentenced to prison for committing a rape that was so heinous and grotesque that I still cringe to this day thinking about. Yet, I can tap into his psyche and understand it a bit. There’s something that as even a victim of rape cannot be forgiven.

I was spinning out of control here during this particular stay, my preoccupation with alcohol was at an all time high. I wished that I was older. I began to hang out with the high schoolers, I found that I related to them more.

My time here went into the Christmas holiday and soon the next spring.

I had a girlfriend whom I really liked to be around, she was two years older than me. She had this curly hair and one of the sweetest smiles I had ever seen, she lit up when she smiled. When we were together and alone on the playground we were the only two people that existed. We’d sit on the swing together, holding hands. I was really drawn to her innocence and tomboy attitude. Alas, I was too young for her. She liked high school boys, again I wished to be older.

In a matter of weeks I would be in juvenile detention for being a general nuisance and that time I broke into the sanctuary and stole two cases of wine and wafers, I held a big party behind the gymnasium until the wee hours of the night. Yes, I had to go.

[samiepoo7]

I've been in the Black Butler Fandom since I was 12 years old. I know there has been tons of fan discourse about the dark themes. I am still an avid reader. I related to the story cause I was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused in my youth. I grew up being religiously abused by my undiagnosed schizophrenic mother. She would fight demons using Christian books. She would call me double minded and say I had the spirit of Jezebel. Bring me to church to exercise my demons. When my best friend showed me black butler. I felt seen. I would call upon anyone to help me from my household. I saw Ciel being so strong and I had to be just as strong to get through. My mind was breaking under the weight. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia at 18 years old. At first I saw Ciel as someone like me. C-PTSD and possibly DID. My mother would call me, the name of demons and say I was double minded didn't have a single mind. I was breaking the church added fuel to the fire. I only felt safe reading about Ciel and Sebastian. I would dream about them. It was a hyperfocus for years cause Ciel and Sebastian was the only one who could touch my inner pain and turmoil. The nightmare of ongoing trauma.

I understand as a 26 years old, some of the suggestive ways that Yana draws Ciel with Sebastian is deeply disturbing. As someone that has experienced sexual abuse just like Ciel. Those that view it as a romantic relationship or sexual relationship are deeply disturbing. Children cannot consent and early teens like Ciel are susceptible to grooming. I was. 😅 I acknowledged that this Fandom normalized predatory behavior. Am I uncomfortable with that yes but I stay away from those that normalize that relationship. I didn't realize that as a teenager myself. I was captivated by Sebastian (still am) . I admired the protective nature. I wanted someone to save me and guide me like Sebastian did with Ciel. If I was raised with the Spartan method of education. I think I would be very capable. No one in my family cared about me to invest in my future. The thing about Sebastian it is a act but I would kill for a loyal servant that pushed me to evolve.

Still you don't have to agree with the themes or the dark nature of this series. All I could say is it impacted me deeply and got me through. Some of the toughest parts of my life. Ciel gave me a strong will to live through anything. That nobody could take away my will to push though. He has taught me that the wheel can turn and lies become the truth. He's taught me that burning bodies are important. 🤣 it's a joke.

It's taught me that people aren't perfect. That bringing a band of Misfits together might be the best way to live. That people carry alot of shit and still live.

I think that Yana will improve as the story goes on. That doesn't mean that her mistakes don't have an impact. All I know is I wouldn't be the person I am without her characters.

[cyarsk52-20]

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i.amresilient Consent is NOT any of these things. The only thing consent is is an enthusiastic YES. 🤍🦋

#denimday#sexualassaultawarenessmonth

#feminist#feminism#sexualassault#bodypositivity#bodypositive#empowerment#empoweringwomen#rapeawareness#rapeculture#mentalhealth#survivor#selfcare#loveyourself#healing#positivity#recovery#sexualabuse#ptsd#equality#domesticviolence#girlpower#slutshaming#97#consent#childabuse #endsexualassault#believeus#saam

[cyarskaren52]

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i.amresilient sorry I’ve been so inactive- I’ve been so busy getting some support groups all set up… if you’re interested in joining please message me:)

Anyways, here are some tweets that I’ve see recently that all stood out to me in different ways.

#denimday #sexualassaultawarenessmonth

#feminist#feminism#sexualassault#bodypositivity#bodypositive#empowerment#empoweringwomen#rapeawareness#rapeculture#mentalhealth#survivor#selfcare#loveyourself#healing#positivity#recovery#sexualabuse#ptsd#equality#domesticviolence#girlpower#slutshaming#97#consent#childabuse #endsexualassault#believeus#saam

[ex-cogtfi]

*** Trigger warning - this post contains references to sexual abuse ***

"Flirty Fishing" was a cult recruitment method started by cult founder David Berg in the 1970s to lure men into COG-TFI by prostituting female cult members. Cult members were indoctrinated into thinking they were making a spiritually significant contribution and receiving God's blessing by gaining converts with sexual services. The practice caused immeasurable pain and trauma to the women and their loved ones. While the practice was discontinued officially in the 1980s, COG-TFI leaders have never condemned the principles behind the practice.

Note: attached text was previously a caption for a post by @igotout_org for a focus of the month in October 2022.

[cyarskj52]

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i.amresilient part 2/-

#denimday #sexualassaultawarenessmonth

#feminist#feminism#sexualassault#bodypositivity#bodypositive#empowerment#empoweringwomen#rapeawareness#rapeculture#mentalhealth#survivor#selfcare#loveyourself#healing#positivity#recovery#sexualabuse#ptsd#equality#domesticviolence#girlpower#slutshaming#97#consent#childabuse #endsexualassault#believeus#saam

[90363462]

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A post shared by survivor🦋 (@i.amresilient)

i.amresilient After talking to thousands of survivors I’ve put this project together.

This project was created to allow survivors to share one important piece of their story.

The signs that they are holding are things that the legal system, friends/family, work, their abuser, etc. said to them at some point.

I hope that I’ve helped some of you that participated feel resilient and empowered. Especially if the legal system failed you.

Stay tuned for the multiple parts coming. If you’d like to participate it’s not too late. Please DM me.

Part 1/-

[ladymacabrebeth]

The Name That Must Not Be Named (TW: Suicide, SA, VA) by Lady Macabre Beth

PROLOGUE

1979

"Out, damned spot! Out I say!—One: two: why, then, 'tis time to do't.—" An actress recites the lines of Lady Macbeth while the director, Sir Gregory, gulps his throat at the echo of the words. Thankfully, the audience focused on the new rising actress at the university. Otherwise, they would've noticed his Adam's apple enlarged than usual, which he then hid faintly with his scarf. He glanced to the right, and thankfully, the eyes of the audience gazed at no one but the new muse. He peeked to the left, and all eyes were on her—his new star.

"To bed, to bed! There's knocking at the gate: come, come, come, come, give me your hand. What's done cannot be undone. To bed, to bed, to bed—" Suddenly, the audiences start screaming. As the actress gazes up, she sees a woman with long black hair wearing a distressed white gown gasping for her last breaths. Around her neck was a rope tied onto the battens of the theater. The blood from the woman's neck dripped on the actress's forehead, which led her to scream and run backstage. The audience started leaping from their seats and finding their way to the exit. And at the orchestra, a bunch of audiences draped with bell bottoms, long black hairs parted in the middle, climbed their way out of the seats. It was the night that changed the spirit of that theater. 

PRESENT

2015

"So that's Marina, right?—"

"Shhh! You can't say her name, especially inside the theater." Candice, the sophomore, warns Laurence, the freshman. 

"Oh, sorry. Why not?" 

"Call her M only. It's a long story. People have reported seeing her ghost whenever they say her name. So it's best to call her M if you don't want her spirit to haunt you." 

"Oh, okay—"

"Alright, freshies! Settle down, please. We will now enter the theater." Sir Eric beckons the students inside. "There's no going back once you enter the premises. Remember that." He warns the students. With hesitance, the students follow after him. Upon entering, a statue with his mouth gaped wide was carved onto the center of the proscenium wall. His expression was furious, like a dragon about to devour the audience. Inscribed below him is the word—liber pater. On the right side of the proscenium wall, there were carved grapes, and on the left, a goblet with wine. The students couldn't help but gaze at it with marvel and fear. And finally, they settled into their seats after. 

Sir Eric clears his throat. "This will be your home for the next four years! Or less than that if you don't make it far. So treat it as if you would treat a temple. The theater is your church—your new religion." He gazes at the statue, and his eyes suddenly dilate at the sight of it. With vigor, he points at it. "Do you know who that is?" 

"Me, Sir!" Laurence raises his hand.

"Yes, you." Sir Eric beckons him.

"That is Dionysus—"

"Correct. Or also known as Bacchus—the god of theatre, wine, ecstasy, ritual madness, and insanity." He takes a sip from his bottled water and then gazes at the statue with his eyes glistening at its sight. "You see, it is only in the theater where we can perform taboo things in a way that is still socially accepted. The most immoral and darkest sins you desire to commit—you can do on stage without the burden of it counted as a sin in your regular life. It's all pretend, and we'll never be accountable for the barbarism that—"

"I'm sorry I'm late." A faint voice comes from behind the audience seat. The students turn their head and sees a girl with pale skin and bright russet brown eyes that glowed in the darkness. On the front seat, Dani, a curly haired sophomore, nudges Belle. "I bet she's elitist." Dani whispers. Belle giggles as she chews her gum. "I bet she doesn't know how to sweep the floor. I'll make her clean it 'til she cries." They both giggle.

"Okay, take a seat. But please don't be late next time." The latecomer sits. "Now, where was I? Right. In your daily lives, you are stiff Apollonians. But in the theater, this is where you can strip your mask off and reveal your true chaotic nature. It is here where madness resides in the night! Anyways, enough of that dramatic intro." He takes a gulp of his bottled water. "You, latecomer. What is your name?" Sir Eric asks.

"I'm Holly. Holly Johnson." She responds. 

"Ah. You. I know your father. You're the daughter of Dean Johnson?"

"Yes."

"Ah. I bet you don't know how to sweep the floor?" He asks while Dani and Belle giggle. "Rich bitch." Dani whispers. "Who's Dean Johnson?" Belle asks. "Isn't he like a well-known acrobat? I know he's like based in Russia." Dani responds. "Oh, I bet she just got here because of nepotism—"

"Sir, why would you assume I don't know how to sweep the floor? Just because I come from a privileged background doesn't mean I don't know how to clean or do chores. We should stop looking at things as black and white—" The students start clapping.

"Damn." Laurence whispers.

"I love her!" Candice whispers back to Laurence.

"She kinda reminds me of you." He responds.

"That's hot of her to speak up!" Kim butts in.

Sir Eric clears his throat. "Okay. Hold up. Relax. I was asking. There's no need for you to be so aggressive and defensive. Remember, you're the daughter of Dean Johnson. You must set as a good example." Dani and Belle giggle. 

Finally, the orientation ends, and Holly bumps into Candice. "Hi! I'm Candice." She extends her hand to Holly. "Hi, I'm Holly. Nice meeting you!" She smiles. "I like what you did in there." Candice smiles at Holly in the aisle while Sir Eric passes by, brushing his arms at Candice.

"Okay, guys! Come forward!" Dani and Belle beckon the students. They move forward towards the sophomores. "Okay, so we will be your heads in the production, along with Candice. Where is she?" Dani gazes at the exit and finds Candice standing beside Sir Eric. "Whore." Belle mumbles. "Anyways, okay, let's start. So we have a bunch of rules here in the theater. All late comers will drink a late shake as a punishment. Except for today. Today is an exception since it's just orientation." Dani glares at Holly. "And remember that here in theatre, you will start from scratch and your achievements from kinder until high school won't count. Think of it as if you're reborn—as if you're nothing—a blank slate. You're a nobody here until you make a name for yourself. Okay?" 

"Okay." The students respond.

The next day approaches, and the students gather in a circle on stage. Thankfully, Holly was early. However, one person went in late. It was Tia—a classmate of Holly's since high school. "You! Your late! Come here!" Dani beckons Tia. On the center of the stage, Belle pours coke into a plastic cup, then ketchup, gin, water, chocolate, and coffee mixed in one. "Drink this." Belle hands over the cup to Tia. "Prove to us that you belong here." 

"Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" The students chant. Tia takes a deep gulp from her throat and slowly grabs the cup. She squints her eyes as she sips the drink. And finally, she finishes and everyone cheers except for Laurence and Holly. "Excuse me, I need to go to the comfort room." Tia excuses herself. Holly gazes at her. "Excuse me, me too." Holly excuses herself. 

In the comfort room, Tia gags at the toilet bowl. "Tia? Are you alright?" Holly asks. Tia purges the late shake on the toilet. Finally, she wipes her mouth, but it still has bits of the vomit. Tia goes to the sink, but there's no water. She tries the others, but there's none too. "Here." Holly hands over some tissues. "Thanks." Tia responds. "I didn't like what they did to you." Holly utters. Tears start flowing from Tia's eyes. "It's not like this in the corporate world. Bosses don't do that because they're professional. My Mom is going to get angry when she finds out—"

"Shhh! Come here." Holly offers a hug. Afterward, they head to the 2nd orientation.

"Okay, so I want to inform you all that sponsorships for this play is required. You all need to ask your friends, family, and schoolmates for money to fund this play. The company doesn't have much money. So if you love theatre—do this. Prove your love, devotion, commitment, and passion by doing so!" Dani commands the new students. "You can do this by contacting people you know around the campus to ask or contact companies or brands willing to sponsor cash or in-kind. Preferably, the in-kind should be items usable as props. You may use the telephone at the office. That would be your first task to prove us you're worthy in this company." Belle adds.

Finally, the students exit the theater to begin on their first task. Holly walks towards an empty hallway to contact her Mom on the phone until she sees Candice approaching her direction. Her once bright aura dimmed into something of a murky shade. Holly noticed bruises on her face, arms, and legs. Her hair was disheveled too. "Hey, Candice. Are you alright? What happened?" Candice covers her bruises. "I-I-I was—" Tears start pouring from her eyes. "He-he-he took it too far. No one will believe me. He's too powerful. They'll call me a slut—" 

"Shhh. I believe in you." Holly gives her a hug while Candice mourns on her shoulder. "You believe me?" With bloodshot eyes, she gazes at Holly. "Yes. You should report him."

"No one will believe me. Look at the way I dress. They'll say it was my fault—"

"They'll believe you. Look at the bruises on your body. You have evidence. And the next time it happens, secretly record it on your phone." Holly suggests. 

At the office, Laurence enters with hesitance. He sees Sir Gregory sitting on the sofa with his cigar resting on the ashtray. Laurence clears his throat. "S-s-sir Gregory. I-i-it's great to meet you." He extends his arm. Sir Gregory doesn't shake it and browses through a script. "I-I-I'll be taking calls for sponsorship. May I use the—" 

Sir Gregory finally shuts the script close and browses at Laurence from head to toe. "Perfect. Call Miss Esmeralda McFarlane for sponsorship." Sir Gregory hands over a strip of paper with a number. With hesitance, Laurence grabs it. "B-b-but Sir, isn't she the daughter of the late dictator—"

"Do as I say. Pronto!" Sir Gregory exclaims. 

"O-okay, Sir." With trembling hands, Laurence starts dialing the number. "H-hello—"

"Oh, and don't forget to invite her." Sir Gregory takes a puff of his cigar. "Yes, Sir." Laurence nods his head.

Outside the office, a lady draped with jaguar printed pants, a white blouse, pearl necklace, black Prada hand bag, and nude pumps knocks on the glass door. The Manager, Gary, opens the doors. "How may I help you, Ma'am?" The Manager asks. "Hi, I'm Holly's Mother. She's one of the new students, and she called me earlier to say that your company is looking for sponsorships for the play?" She grins. "Yes! Yes, come on in." She remits the money, and afterward, Gary shuts the door close.

"Hey, Papa Greg!" Gary beckons Sir Gregory. "What—you hairless hag?" Sir Gregory responds as he flips the pages of the script. "Look what we have!" He flashes the money. "Perfect! Keep that to yourself. Besides, we have money coming from Esmeralda. She never fails to donate." He chuckles while Gary grins as he hides the stash of cash on his drawer. From the glass door outside, Kim catches a glimpse of them laughing as they keep the money. She enters and lines up behind Laurence at the telephone booth. "Fuck her Mom—dumb ass bitch." Gary chuckles. "Money for me!" They giggle while Kim pretends not to hear. 

The following day, the students approach the theater with shock as they see police men gathered outside. As the door opens, two police men bring Sir Eric out with handcuffs on his hands. "Justice works, after all." Holly mumbles. "What happened?" Tia asks. "Sir Eric coerced—"

"Candice." Tia cuts her.

"Yes. How did you know?" Holly asks.

"I'm not stupid. I see how Sir Eric brushed his arms against her." Tia mumbles.

"She's such a slut, right?" Belle cuts. "Well, that's what she gets for being a whore. But oh no, I'm going to miss Sir Eric. What a pity! It's her fault they're firing our favorite professor. Whore." Tia and Holly silently look at each other. "I bet she did it for the grades." Dani adds. "Oh bitch, I wouldn't be surprised." Belle and Dani giggles. "Let's go." Holly beckons Tia. 

"Hey Holly."  Kim approaches her. "Hey, what's up, Kim?" Holly responds. "Hey, don't get mad, but I overheard this from the office." Kim looks down as she fumbles her fingers. "Uh huh?"

"Okay, so your Mom donated for sponsorship, right?" 

"Yep." Holly responds.

"Okay, so after that, they hid the cash under the table. Sir Gregory said that Sir Gary can keep the cash as extra money since Esmeralda McFarlane is funding the whole play." Kim explains while Holly clenches her fist. "Lastly, I heard them call your Mom a dumb ass bitch." Kim breathes while Holly doesn't respond. "I'm sorry, but I think you deserve to know."

"Thanks for telling me, Kim. One sec, give me time alone." Holly's voice cracks as she responds.

"Where are you going?" Tia and Kim asks. 

"The bathroom." Holly approaches the comfort room with her clenched fists shaking. She shuts a cubicle door and starts banging it with her hands. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! You don't say that to my Mom! You don't disrespect her like that! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" She bangs on the cubicle door until the hinges come loose. The door falls on the toilet as she heads to the sink. She spreads her arms on the sink and slowly gazes at her reflection with bloodshot eyes. Suddenly, the comfort room is silent except for her breath echoing. And then she smashes the mirror with her right arm. "Fuck!" The glasses shatter into pieces. A tiny portion of it cuts into her right arm. 

"Oh dear! Oh dear!" A professor enters. It was Professor Barbara. "Oh no sweetie. Your arm!" She approaches Holly, whose face has turned red from all the rage and bleeding arm. "What happened dear?" 

"I-I-I already donated money, but it wasn't enough to please them." Holly sobs. "Oh dear, let me tell you. The truth about life is that you can't please everyone, no matter how hard you try. The least you can do is know that you did your best. Alright?" Professor Barbara utters as she washes Holly's right arm on the sink. "I-I-I'm so sorry for the mirror. I couldn't help—"

"Oh, sweetie, never apologize for what you feel, okay?" She strokes Holly's hair on the side. "Don't seek approval of your worth from them, okay? I know you're smart and got in this program for a reason. Remember that. So chin up and never let that crown fall." Professor Barbara gives her a hug. 

The following day, Laurence and Tia walked towards the steps of the university. At the steps, Dani and Belle were giving out flyers for their feminist organization, Pink Youth. "Join Pink Youth, where women support women!" Dani and Belle hands out a flyer to Laurence and Tia. Upon walking forward, Laurence rolls his eyes. "How could they claim themselves as feminists when they didn't support Candice's side?" 

"You're right." Tia responds. "Instead, they slut-shamed her. Sick." Tia's eyes augment. "Fake hypocrites." Laurence utters. "Where's Holly?" He asks. "She's still at the clinic, I think." Tia responds. "Ah."

As Laurence and Tia enter the theater, they get surprised by the appearance of Esmeralda McFarlane. "What the hell is she doing here? Isn't she the daughter of the dictator?" Tia utters. "Yep." Laurence gulps while the rest of the campus talk in whispers upon seeing her. "Nasty." Tia whispers. "True." Laurence replies while he fidgets his arms behind his back. "One moment, I'll be right back." Laurence heads to the bathroom. "Sure, I'll just be here." 

In the bathroom, Laurence drops on his knees and starts purging what he's eaten for breakfast. Outside the theater, Holly finally arrives. "You're here. How are you feeling?" Tia asks. "Much better." Holly responds. "You know me—I'll never give up." Holly wipes the tears from her face. "You ready for acting class?" Tia asks. "Bring it on." 

"Okay, let's start with Athena!" Sir Gregory beckons the first student on stage. "Okay, recite Juliet Capulet's monologue in Act 2 Scene 2. And scene!"

"O Romeo! Romeo! Wherefore art though Romeo—"

"Cut! I can't hear you! Project your voice! Louder!"

"O Romeo! Romeo! Where—" Athena repeats.

"Again! Your voice is so soft!"

"O Romeo—"

"Stop! You're wasting my time here. You won't make it far with that mouse of a voice you have! Out! Get out of my stage! Next, please!" Sir Gregory yells. Athena exits the stage and then out of the theater. As she walks in the hallway, tears start pouring from her eyes. She bumps into Candice, who has finally returned on campus. Candice gazes at Athena with worry.

Backstage, Laurence puts his makeup on his dresser. Candice arrives with her bruises covered with concealer. On her arms was a Ouija board. "Hey, Candice! How're you doing? You're back!"

"Uh huh." Candice gives Laurence a hug. "Who's next?"

"Kim, I think." Laurence responds as he strokes the blush on his cheeks. "Okay. By the way, I ran into Athena earlier. She had a black aura around her—"

"Oh you and your superstitious self! Anyways, what's with the Ouija board?" Laurence asks while he glides the lipstick on his lips. "I'll tell you later."

Kim enters the stage with her hands fidgeting. "You, chinky eyed woman." Sir Gregory points at her with a knife. "Do as I say." Kim nods her head as she looks on the floor. "I want you to reinact your first menstruation." The students look at each other and whisper in silence. Little by little, Kim starts touching her abdomen and making painful sounds. "Louder!" Sir Gregory yells. Kim lets out a loud moan. "Okay, next, I want you to pull your panty down and show us the blood." Hesitant, Kim slowly rolls her pants down. "Faster! Show me! Show us! What are you waiting for?" He yells. She pulls her pants down and touches the edge of her underwear hesitantly. "Pull it down! Do as I say, or I will stab you with this!" He gesticulates with his knife. Suddenly, the theater went quiet, and the only thing that echoed was Kim's breath. She started pulling it down while she consciously stared at Holly. "Why are you staring at her? Are you lesbian?" 

"Y-y-yes, Sir. I'm lesbian." Kim responds. "Okay, you're done. Next!" Sir Gregory yells as Kim runs backstage. Holly finally entered the stage while Sir Gregory beckoned some male ensemble to join. "Okay, for this one, I want you to reinact Marquis De Sade's 120 Days of Sodom but in movement." Little by little, the male ensemble form a semi-circle behind her, and they start touching her body. Holly fakes a moan. The ensemble slowly remove her clothes except for her bra and underwear. They start kissing her all over. Something about this strangely empowered Holly. She wanted to win over her professor's approval so bad. "Yes, come on! Sell it to me! Sell yourself! You're a whore, right?"

"No, Sir—I'm not a whore." 

"Yes, you are. We all are. Everyone dies a whore! In theatre—we sell ourselves for approval. Not just in theatre but everywhere! We are all whores because we sell ourselves to get approval by people. So give that your all because you're a whore!" Sir Gregory puffs into his cigar. "Come on now, make me turn straight." 

The ensemble tie Holly's arms in a pole. One of them pours a candle wax on her skin as she moans. "Perfect." Sir Gregory mumbles. "Okay, next!" 

Holly runs backstage and pants. "Who would've thought my first BDSM experience would be on stage and in front of people?" She laughs. "No, Holly. That was very degrading." Candice replies. "I didn't like that either." Laurence adds. "Fuck, the candle wax is stuck on my skin!" Holly exclaims. "Here, let me help you out." Tia approaches as she tries to peal the wax. Bits of Holly's body hair gets removed as the wax gets peeled. She screeches from the pain. "Laurence, you're next."

Laurence heads to the center stage. "I want you to pantomime a blowjob! Down on your knees!" Hesitantly, Laurence gets on his knees and starts pantomiming. After a minute, Laurence tries to get up as he slowly feels pain from kneeling down. "Stay on your knees!" 

"Yes, Sir." Laurence responds as he stays for 7 minutes more in that position. When he finished, he ran backstage and headed to his dresser. "I want to hire a hitman." Tears flow from Laurence's eyes as he wipes his makeup off. "I got a better idea." Candice responds.

"Let's play Ouija."

"What the hell? Why?" They all respond. 

"Maybe we can get answers by conjuring spirits on why the system here is so shit!" Candice smirks.

"What has gotten into you?" Tia asks.

"Let's try. Come on." 

"You know what, fuck it. I'm in. Might as well curse this goddamn exploitative place." Laurence responds.

"You know, I heard that if M likes you, she'll appear as your doppelganger, and if she hates you, she'll whisper your name and show up to you." Kim adds.

After 30 minutes, Sir Gregory finally left along with Esmeralda McFarlane. The students ran to the stage with the Ouija board. It was 10 in the evening. "Anyways, Candice, why did M commit, you know?" Laurence asks. "They say she got envious of the new younger actress who replaced her. But I don't believe in that. I know there's something more. I can feel it. Anyways, let's start." They put their hand together on the planchette. "Hello, is there anyone here?" Slowly, the planchette spells out the words, Y-E-S. "Okay, that's not funny! Guys, who moved that?" Tia asks. "Not me!" They all respond. "What's your name?" It spells out, M-A-R-I-N-A. "Fuck, guys!" Laurence screams. The lights of the theater start flickering. Suddenly, Candice starts crying and shaking. Only the whites of her pupils are showing. "Guys! What's happening to Candice?" Holly panics. "He-he-he raped me! He raped me!" Candice mumbles. "I couldn't take it anymore, so I had to end it. I needed to end my life! He destroyed my dignity!" Suddenly, the group gets quiet as they realized it wasn't Candice speaking. It was her—the name that must not be named.

Suddenly, the lights return, and Candice faints. Backstage, Belle removes her makeup while someone whispers her name. "Belle. Belle. Belle."

"Yeah, who the fuck is that? Yeah I'm here! Come here! Stop playing tricks!" She yells until she sees a reflection of a woman with pale face, blood all over her neck, and down her long white gown that seemed rusty and dried out with blood. Belle screams and runs all the way to the stage. "Fuck!" She cries on the center stage. "Belle! What happened?" Holly asks. "She-she-she showed up to me!" She gets on her knees and starts covering her eyes. 

The following day, the students headed to their Shakespeare class. "Okay, who can tell me why Ophelia is depressed? Why did she end her life?" Professor Jodi Schaider sits on her table while she spreads her legs open. Holly raises her hand. "Yes, Holly?" 

"I think it's because she relied her self-worth and identity on men. Thus, she feels like she's nothing or has no purpose without the men in her life." 

"Interesting take." Professor Schaider replies. "You, Tia? Why are you gazing out the window? You're starting to look like Ophelia!" She spits while Laurence covers his nose from the scent of Professor Schaider's beer breath. Holly gazed at Tia and wondered why she's been so quiet ever since they entered college. She wasn't that way before. She was active and loud in high school. Not to mention, Tia was the batch valedictorian. But something changed, and it's like she'd absorb every character they'd discuss in class. And right now, she emulated Ophelia.

It's as if the theater devoured Tia ever since the orientation. The stage was the stomach, and she got swallowed by it. It tore her from limb to limb, gnawed into her flesh until she was no longer the golden child she was from high school. It rinsed the life off of her. She was reborn as nothing but an empty vessel. 

"Okay, next, what about Hamlet? Do you all think he was really depressed?" 

"Me!" Kim raises her hand. "Yes, Kim?" 

"Hi, Ma'am. So for me, I believe that he was semi-depressed and semi-pretending." 

"Okay, why would you say that?"

"I think he was depressed because Claudius killed his father and pretending for the most part. He was pretending to be out of touch. But the truth is, who contemplates to be or not to be when that is such a philosophical thing to do? Only a sane person can contemplate on the possibilities of what the unknown can bring." 

"Okay, that's a good point. Care to point out what else makes you think he's pretending to be mentally ill?"

"Yes. When Hamlet plotted to stage a play that would trigger his Uncle Claudius to feel guilty and when he decided not to kill him while he was praying." 

"Correct. Why?"

"Only a sane person would think of not killing someone while they're praying because they obviously know he'll go to heaven."

"Excellent!" Professor Schaider exclaims while Holly silently smirks in her seat. 

At the bathroom, Dani and Belle put their makeup on. "You see what happened here in the mirror?" Dani asks. "Uh huh." Belle responds. "That was Holly's doing." 

"Oh. What a pity. Holly might be depressed." 

"Uh huh. Most likely. Poor rich bitch." They both giggle.

At the theater, Laurence and Holly sneak in. "Laurence, are you still planning to hire a hitman?" Holly whispers. "Oh, I wish. But I can't afford—"

"Let's kill him!"

"I'd love to! But how?"

"This!" Holly points at the arsenic. Laurence's eyes enlarge. "How?" He asks. "Well, he likes getting his food heated up. I can pour arsenic on it." She whispers. "Genius!" Laurence replies.

"Excuse me? Excuse me? Who can heat my pasta for me? Sir Gregory calls out. "Staff!" 

"Sir, coming!" Holly approaches. "Dear, could you please heat my pasta for me?" Sir Gregory asks. "Sure thing, Sir." She grabs the tupperware and heads backstage. Laurence smirks at her. She was about to pour the arsenic until she covered the bottle again.

"What are you waiting for?"

"Wait, he's praying."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, look at him!" Holly whispers. "He's praying right now. He might go straight to heaven if we kill him now,"

"So you believe in heaven and hell? I thought you were an atheist?"

"No," Holly chuckles. "I'm religiously fluid. I believe in the possibility of anything, even if it's undebunked by science. What do we know about the unknown—the things that go beyond life? And if heaven and hell do exist—God forbid—let the ones who suffer in this life rest in paradise 

and the ones who abuse their power burn in eternal damnation."

"So what do we do? When do we kill him?"

"Not now, I guess." She hides the bottle of arsenic on her bag. "Wait, I have a plan B! They have a reading this Friday for Henrik Ibsen's A Doll House. We can change the scripts into something of our own. That will anger him for sure." Laurence smirks at the idea. 

Finally, Friday approaches. The sophomores request Laurence and Holly to mop the floors. "Sure Dani. We'll mop the floors now." Laurence responds while Holly grabs gasoline and places it inside a bucket. They start sweeping the stage and floors with gasoline disguised as water. An hour later, the actors gather on stage for a reading. The stage manager hands on the scripts and pencils. "Dear, can you please heat my food?" Sir Gregory requests Holly. "Sure thing, Sir." She grabs his tupperware, heads backstage, and starts pouring the arsenic while no one watches. Finally, she places it on the Microwave. Afterward, she serves it to him. "Okay, let's do this!" Sir Gregory claps his hand. "Actors, ready?" The stage manager beckons the actors. "Ready!" They respond.

On the script, the cover page says A Doll's House. And finally, they flipped the page. "Marina, what are you doing at the edge of the cliff?" Actor A asks. "I'm ready to jump." Actress A responds. "What? But you'll die?" Actor A responds. "Well, I'd rather die than live my whole life knowing I've lost my dignity."

"What do you mean? I think you're just envious because he has a new muse." 

"No! I'm not even envious about his new muse! I'm furious because he took away what made me infinite! He took away my dignity! My youth! My—"

"What the fuck is that script?" Sir Gregory yells. "That script is wrong! That's not A Doll's House! You stage manager! Are you dumb?" He points at the stage manager. "No, Sir. I swear. I know I got the—" 

"That's the wrong fucking script! Who the fuck changed it! Who?" Sir Gregory starts sticking out his knife to the stage manager until he feels himself choking. 

Backstage, Laurence and Holly incinerate their lighter on the curtain wings and quickly dash out of the theater. The actors start screaming. "Fire! Fire! Fire!" They start dashing out while Sir Gregory stands center stage with his knife. "Who—who—" He starts coughing and drags his body in all directions until his clothes start catching fire. "No! No! No!" The flames slowly engulf his body until it burns his face, and nothing else was seen except for his eyeballs bulging out from his burnt crispy black corpse. In those last few breaths, the only thing that flashed before his eyes were the sins he committed—how he took Marina's youth, her virginity, her dignity, her life, his students’ sanity, and more. 'Til his last breath, that's all that ever played. 

Backstage, Dani and Belle started screaming as their clothes start catching fire. 

At the exit of the theater, Laurence and Holly watched the fiasco. "I guess this is the best performance this theater ever had." Laurence mumbles. Holly smirks as she pulls out a cigarette and uses the flames of the theater to light her cigarette. Nothing but screams of terror and roaring flames were heard. At the entrance of the theater, a lady with long black hair and white dress glowed. She was smiling at Holly. When Holly stared back at her, she was surprised that the lady looked just like her. "Am I dead?" Holly panics. "No, she's been reborn." From her peripheral, a man with curly hair who smelled like wine replied to her. When she looked, the man disappeared.

A day after, the theater was nothing but ashes. Only the face of Dionysus remained. He still looked alive with his mouth gaped open, furious, and ready to devour people. It remained gold and in tack as if no fire occurred. The police and the media took pictures of it. On their left, a woman stood. She had long black hair parted in the middle, bell bottoms, and a face that glowed. The media approaches her. "Hi, excuse me, are you a student here?"

"Yes." The woman responds. 

"What's your name?"

"Marina."

END.