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[sidereumnox]

Countries I have visited

As per February 2024:

Indonesia

Iran

Japan

Malaysia

Philippines

Russian Federation

Singapore

Thailand

Turkey

United Arab Emirates

Vietnam

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It may not fix all of my problems or I may be running away from things that I should deal with, but I really hope I can move somewhere new. Get a job there. Starting a new life. I feel so miserable all the time living in my hometown. I need a fresh start. Ya Allah, please, please, please, let me get what I need this time.

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🎬

Movies that break me into pieces:

Mengejar Matahari (2004)

Click (2006)

Ride On (2023)

Everybody's Fine (2009)

Not listed in any particular order. Hm is that it? Really?

Well, I'll revisit when I remember something else.

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It's hard to put this feeling into words. Sad? Disappointed? Angry? Helpless? Not sure. I'm lost for words. I know my mum said just to let it go. But still. I can't forgive those people. I hope they'll rot in hell.

I'm glad my mother is okay tho. Well, at least that's what she said and wants us to believe.

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This nerves. Ugh.

Please God, let it be my way. Let this be my way. Amen.

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You Are Made of Stardust

Though the billions of people on Earth may come from different areas, we share a common heritage: we are all made of stardust! From the carbon in our DNA to the calcium in our bones, nearly all of the elements in our bodies were forged in the fiery hearts and death throes of stars.

The building blocks for humans, and even our planet, wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for stars. If we could rewind the universe back almost to the very beginning, we would just see a sea of hydrogen, helium, and a tiny bit of lithium.

The first generation of stars formed from this material. There’s so much heat and pressure in a star’s core that they can fuse atoms together, forming new elements. Our DNA is made up of carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, and phosphorus. All those elements (except hydrogen, which has existed since shortly after the big bang) are made by stars and released into the cosmos when the stars die.

Each star comes with a limited fuel supply. When a medium-mass star runs out of fuel, it will swell up and shrug off its outer layers. Only a small, hot core called a white dwarf is left behind. The star’s cast-off debris includes elements like carbon and nitrogen. It expands out into the cosmos, possibly destined to be recycled into later generations of stars and planets. New life may be born from the ashes of stars.

Massive stars are doomed to a more violent fate. For most of their lives, stars are balanced between the outward pressure created by nuclear fusion and the inward pull of gravity. When a massive star runs out of fuel and its nuclear processes die down, it completely throws the star out of balance. The result? An explosion!

Supernova explosions create such intense conditions that even more elements can form. The oxygen we breathe and essential minerals like magnesium and potassium are flung into space by these supernovas.

Supernovas can also occur another way in binary, or double-star, systems. When a white dwarf steals material from its companion, it can throw everything off balance too and lead to another kind of cataclysmic supernova. Our Nancy Grace Roman Space Telescope will study these stellar explosions to figure out what’s speeding up the universe’s expansion. 

This kind of explosion creates calcium – the mineral we need most in our bodies – and trace minerals that we only need a little of, like zinc and manganese. It also produces iron, which is found in our blood and also makes up the bulk of our planet’s mass!

A supernova will either leave behind a black hole or a neutron star – the superdense core of an exploded star. When two neutron stars collide, it showers the cosmos in elements like silver, gold, iodine, uranium, and plutonium.

Some elements only come from stars indirectly. Cosmic rays are nuclei (the central parts of atoms) that have been boosted to high speed by the most energetic events in the universe. When they collide with atoms, the impact can break them apart, forming simpler elements. That’s how we get boron and beryllium – from breaking star-made atoms into smaller ones.

Half a dozen other elements are created by radioactive decay. Some elements are radioactive, which means their nuclei are unstable. They naturally break down to form simpler elements by emitting radiation and particles. That’s how we get elements like radium. The rest are made by humans in labs by slamming atoms of lighter elements together at super high speeds to form heavier ones. We can fuse together elements made by stars to create exotic, short-lived elements like seaborgium and einsteinium.

From some of the most cataclysmic events in the cosmos comes all of the beauty we see here on Earth. Life, and even our planet, wouldn’t have formed without them! But we still have lots of questions about these stellar factories. 

In 2006, our Stardust spacecraft returned to Earth containing tiny particles of interstellar dust that originated in distant stars, light-years away – the first star dust to ever be collected from space and returned for study. You can help us identify and study the composition of these tiny, elusive particles through our Stardust@Home Citizen Science project.

Our upcoming Roman Space Telescope will help us learn more about how elements were created and distributed throughout galaxies, all while exploring many other cosmic questions. Learn more about the exciting science this mission will investigate on Twitter and Facebook.

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space!

[sidereumnox]

I don't have any particular things to say really. It's just that one thing that's been bugging me since yesterday is that I don't feel like I belong to the place that I'm at now. I'm eternally grateful for what my boss did - finding a way for me to comeback. But the truth is, I don't think I want to be here for a long time. I did want that. So badly. And been given a second chance was, like I said, something I'm grateful of. But I can't shake the feeling that some of them don't even want me there. So, please please God, please let me get accepted at the new company soon enough. Amen.

Fresh start. I really need it.

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Books

Okay so, a couple of nights ago, instead of sleeping at a reasonable hour, I had a thought. My relationship with books and my parents. Admittedly, I'm not entirely sure if my mum is into reading or not. But my dad was. He loved to study. I think because I was closer to him, I was really just trying to impress him, you know? No complaints there because I do too love learning and reading, which are good things really.

Anyway, yeah I thought about the snippets of joy during my childhood. I remembered about a story book collection in a form of a small city, the one that has many pockets in front of a house or building picture, and each pocket has a short story about the cretures living there. Oh how I wish I could live in that city. I don't recall if it's from my mum or dad. But I'm thankful nevertheless because I believe that was mine alone and the stories made me happy - well, at least I would like to believe so.

Another book collection that I remembered was the princesses stories from a random seller at a gas station. I was ecstatic when my dad said I could get one. Oh gosh, I remembered that I was curious about the Disney princesses tales. But, my parents are not that into American waves, except Tom & Jerry. Yeah my dad loved Tom & Jerry. So, yeah I didn't really get to experience Disney childhood era until I was in elementary school I think. Yeah, learned that from my peers. Okay, so these books were the ones like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and else, but it wasn't produce by Disney. I remembered I was hooked by the stories and the illustrations. Loved those books!

The next one was a children encyclopedia set given by my mother. I was in tears when my mum said she'd buy me those books. Because I've been eyeing those books and learned that twas expensive! Like, okay yeah I still think it's expensive if I need to buy the whole set at a time. And admittedly, I don't think I read the entire collection at the time. I remembered reading about the space exploration (ofc!), the animals, the cities and places, and the environment. Hmm, I forgot. Perhaps I did read them all but I only remember the topics that interest me? Could be. Anyhow, thank you, mum. I'm in tears (of joy!).

The last one that I remembered was a biography collection of Moh. Hatta. It was given by my dad. Honestly, I've never finished this one. Not even the first chapter. But, I remembered that I was hooked by Soekarno's autobio and thought how fun it'd be to learn about the history from another perspective (Hatta's). But, ah. I got lost in his words. Maybe I could give another shot later.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you mum and dad for these gifts. Knowledge. I am forever grateful.

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Hello again

Well, I've just remembered about this ol' Tumblr page yesterday. Not sure how long ago the last post was, two? Three years? Huh.

So, a quick summary of what happened since last time.

Quit BU to pursue a master's degree.

Failed scholarship attempts & the IELTS score has been expired. So I need to te-take it for future attempts.

Ouh well ended the whatever-it-was with him.

Worked for a company that I could only dream of.

Laid-off by the said company. I know they said twas because the restructurization but I know damn well it's friggin' personal. Oh yeah not over it yet.

Re-thinking about going with a different major for the master's degree. But, I also still wants to learn the first one. So, thinking about getting a short-course instead for the first one. Not sure when.

Got a freelance gig from my ex-supervisor while I look for a more permanent job. Where's the gig at? At the afformentioned dream company ha.

Still missing my dad. I've cried so hard wtching Jackie Chan's movie (Ride On). Partly because of missing my dad and also because the story itself. Seriously, wth was that??? The movie ripped my heart.

I don't like the series that I used to go on and on about. Idk. More and more people talked to me about it made me sick. Meh.

I finally have my own Kindle 🎉. Thanks to a friend of mine who resided in Austria. Ouh she gave it to me for free.

Hospitalized for a nose surgery. Nope not the kind that made me looks like Gal Gadot. But the one that made me able to breath normally and avoided a sudden death because of it. Twas a doctor's remark, not me being hyperbolic.

Got a scuba diving license.

Still needs to learn on the diving technicality because of the sinusitis that I have. Yup. Just learned that because the diving course that I took.

Went into several therapy sessions. The first one was catastrophic. The second one was okay. The third one gave me a homework to do journaling. So... This is count, right?

Got covid twice. Hopefully that's that. No more.

I live on my own now. Hopefully for the best.

That's all I could think of right now. Hopefully I don't forget again about this platform. No guarantees but hoping that I could regularly populating this blog again. Until then.

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New Year brings new hope and challenges. Starting over for better days. I wish for more opportunities to learn and self-growth. I wish for health and happiness. Also, I wish for more love and the sea.

25 books this year?

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“Is Anyone Out There?” Self-portrait by Apollo 12 astronaut Alan Bean, 2000.

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A friend of mine often said "remember Car, don't expect all of them to be smart". I laughed whenever he said it but it stays on my mind, especially when I have to deal with my co-workers. Honestly, sometimes I expect more from them?

I mean I think most of the time (okay it's a stretch, so sometime) it's not that they're not smart or stupid or something. But, they're ignorant. They stop allocating their 'precious' time to learn. Too bad.

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