silasthecreature

[silasthecreature]

Cats getting caught doing crimes

[silasthecreature]

step 1. get everyone in the world to want to fuck me

step 2. vow of celibacy

[silasthecreature]

I just don’t get it. How can our society act so goddamned normal about seahorses. How can anybody so casually accept that that’s a fish???

This is one of nature’s most anatomically perverse of all beasts. A FISH, like a carp or a bass or a beta is a fish, but it bent its body straight up only to bend its head permanently back down. It stretched its skull into a pipe. It tapered its tail like a lizard, specifically like a chameleon. It can also move its eyes independently by the way, you know, like a chameleon. Fun fact, it can change color to express its mood, like you know whatever does that. It doesn’t properly swim anymore. It buzzes its few remaining fins like an insect’s wings to float itself around at a snail’s pace. It lives its whole life clinging to coral branches or seaweed, which means it decided to become a “tree dweller” in an environment where gravity didn’t even matter anyway. The males get pregnant. They make noises at each other by rubbing some of their neck bones together. Every day, EVERY DAY a mated pair does a little dance and a little neck bone song so they remember which two seahorses they were. They’re a beautiful precious obscenity. Nothing so adorable ever made such a strong case against a logical creator.

They have as little skin and meat as they could get away with. Their skeleton is almost all they are.

[silasthecreature]

i cant believe connie is a filthy homestuck

[silasthecreature]

[silasthecreature]

inspired by a friend misspeaking

[silasthecreature]

Your sixth most recent emoji is how your guardian angel feels about you

[silasthecreature]

Everyone's like "The new Pope isnt welcoming to gay people and has covered up child abuse" like. Fork found in kitchen?

[silasthecreature]

[silasthecreature]

i'm not going to lie. i would do this all the time

[silasthecreature]

This girl is an actual hero and we need to donate to her defense fund please

[silasthecreature]

that video of all those sabrina carpenters killing miku in fortnite makes me sad. it reminds me of high school

[silasthecreature]

Okay I’m gonna need all yall shit fuck ads to get together and agree on what procrastination is before you get back to me or I’m gonna hurt someone

[silasthecreature]

idk if i told the full story on here but i signed up for a research study where they were testing a new opioid, and it was supposed to be up to 5 injections increasing the dose to see what people could tolerate

i got the first dose and almost immediately fainted. they had to call in a whole medical team and it was a huge fucking deal

i was kicked out of the study and got a phone call later where they were supposed to tell me what the drug was, so i could avoid it in the future. they told me it was saline water. a placebo. i fainted from the placebo effect.

anyway, it's been a few months and i just got an email from the same department asking me to be a research participant in a new study: testing the effects of open-label placebo.

open label placebo is when the subjects and the researchers all know it's a placebo. they're testing the power of my mind. my power to imagine anything.

i like to think that they chose me for this specifically based on their past experience with me. "get the guy who fainted like a little bitch boy from saline water." anyway i just submitted all my info and i'm looking forward to getting started.

[silasthecreature]

machine translation: I saw some cute charms for sale, so I decided to make a stylish bangle (a term that is now obsolete) 😁

[silasthecreature]

I used to be mad about "whole language" reading approaches in theory but now I work with school-age kids and I am mad about it in practice.