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silentcartoonist2018 · 10 days ago

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Chapter 9: Bamboozled at Boonshoft*

FINALLY I got this chapter done! Sorry for the long wait, but thanks for waiting!

*Author’s Note: Though we’re referring to Boonshoft Museum of Discovery, a real life location in Dayton, Ohio for the sake of immersion, the author has never personally been to this location and great creative liberties were taken.

The main gallery near the entrance was certainly lively, as expected of a Saturday.

Several light features dotted the ceiling cycled through all the colors of the color spectrum. Spotlights cast cyan, yellow, and magenta shadows. Gigantic statues of dinosaur skeletons on display, life-sized animals, and airplanes decorated the entrances of each exhibition area. There were even designated areas where you could watch miniature robots transforming on little pedestals.

You could hear the clanging of billiard balls clacking against loud metal pipes as they bumped and bounced along various obstacles in an enclosed marble run, paired with the smell of freshly baked salted pretzels and pizzas emanating from the nearby cafeteria.

So many blocks to build, so many puzzles to solve, buttons to push and levers to pull…as expected of a museum specifically built for children, there were a lot of things to interact with; more than enough play areas to even make a child-at-heart adult jealous and frustrated that they never got to see anything this fun in their childhood.

As inviting, timeless, and wonderful this magical museum was, Mr. Krupp WASN’T enjoying any of this.

He couldn't have made this any more apparent despite his best efforts to hide it behind an incredibly crooked smile. Even Edith was able to tell just by how awkward the tension was between them.

The first thing the paranoid principal tried to do as soon as he stepped towards the main gate, arm wrapped around Edith’s like she was a life preserver, was snatch a map of the whole museum and search for every possible bathroom that he could designate as a safe zone.

Apparently, the nearest restroom had been closed down due to a major plumbing issue that forced the museum to air out with giant fans, so refilling his water bottles is out of the question. (Strange considering that Mr. Ree mentioned one happening at school, and another at his previous date.) Perhaps, at the very least, the sounds from these fans were loud enough to block out any finger snaps he could hear unintentionally.

To his delight, there’s actually a watery play area two floors up from the main entrance. Tiny rivers for boat racing, fountains for kids to frolic through. Essentially it’s laid out like an indoor water park!

A perfect place to kill the next hour and a half until Edith’s movie begins.

What could possibly go wro—-

No.

He can’t afford to ponder those five words, lest he jinx himself. For now, he has to find a more quieter place in the museum…

“Huh. Hey Principal, can you stay here for a sec?” Edith asked as she slipped her arm out of Krupp’s sweating arm. “I wanna try something.”

Mr. Krupp looked up from his map, realizing that he was led straight into the middle of the crowded main gallery. He was standing in front of what he described as a red bowl on its side aimed at another red bowl on the other side of the room, where Edith was running towards.

She was practically miles away.

Mr. Krupp’s first instinct was to run after her, but his attention suddenly shifted towards every single other human being in the room. His eyes were darting left and right at other people to see if any of them were about to snap their fingers. The acoustics were loud and he could hear dozens of people talking over each other, maybe even other voices that came from another room, he doesn’t know at this point.

As he looked back towards the other disk, he saw another visitor near the disk, raising their hand about to inevitably snap their fingers.

Hesworehewouldntjinxhimselfbutjustthinkingfourandahalfofallfivewordsofthataccursedphrasestillmanagedtomakeithappen!?!?

“Hey, Princi—!”

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”

Out of pure instinct, Mr. Krupp let out a bloodcurdling scream the second he heard Edith’s voice coming from behind him. Naturally it was the echoing ricochet of sound waves that bounced all the way from the other disk, rebounding into the one behind him.

He probably turned some heads, successfully interrupting the other guy that was about to snap their fingers. But especially Edith’s, who was looking back at him in concern, probably for scaring him for the umpteenth time.

The principal turned away to the disk behind him and in a pathetic attempt to play it cool, he let out the first word he could think of off the top of his head in the meekest voice possible.

“G……G-Gotcha….?”

The monster of awkward pauses strikes again and all the principal could hope for is a quick transition to the next scene.

Of course, that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon because Edith was drawn to another exhibit. In the shape of a mass of people lined up to touch a large tesla coil.

“Hey, I wanna try this one out real quick,” Edith said as she grabbed Mr. Krupp’s wrist….rather firmly.

"... together !"

Mr. Krupp tried to lightly tug his arm away, without raising suspicion.

“E-E-E-Edith, you do know what happens when you touch electricity right?” Mr. Krupp stammered.

“Apparently it makes your hair stand up!”

"In case you didn't notice, my toupee is still wet!"

"Then dry it off!"

The crackling of the tesla coils grew louder the closer they got. Not to mention how awfully similar they sounded to a rapid fire of finger snaps. He didn't know which was worse at this point, being unsure of his ability to tell the difference between crackling electricity or a finger snap, or the fact that he's still trying to stay wet, combined with potentially being shocked to death at the worst place possible go to on a date.

"Edith, I really don't think this is such a good idea! Edith? EDITH!!”

Krupp winced as he watched Edith’s hand make contact with the Tesla coil. As he prepared himself for the shock of a lifetime, he got one he wasn’t expecting - nothing happened!

“Huh? How come it’s not working?” Edith asked, disappointed.

Somehow, the rest of the crowd around them started murmuring. One of the nearby attendants tapped on Edith's shoulder.

"Uh, Ma'am? You'll have to take off your glov--"

"C'mon, Principal K. Let's find someplace else." Edith said quickly as she dragged her boyfriend away.

And that somehow managed to affect the rest of the day.

Edith started getting more insistent on interacting with other exhibits, like the tornado simulator and the earthquake simulator. Krupp wanted to try the flooding simulator to get a little splash of water on his head (though it doesn’t use actual water), but Edith swiped his toupee and decided to have it float over the leaf blower exhibit in place of the beach ball.

He didn’t know what was going on. Just being here is hectic, but at least they went to the noisier exhibits.

Finally after 45 minutes….downtime. Only another 45 to go…

………………………………………………………….

Mr. Krupp decided to listen to an extra carefully curated, non-streaming based, fingersnap-free music playlist starting with some instrumental song called Sicilliene . It actually managed to calm his nerves a bit while he aimlessly explored the sensory playground area. It being a "playground"...well, you get the point.

Mr. Krupp’s attention was soon caught by a large spiral wheel. He thought for a while that if he stared at it hard enough and maybe wished hard enough, he’d go back to normal. But no. It wasn’t anything like the ring. He didn’t feel any different. All it did was make his vision wiggly for a few seconds. If only there was another solution....

Variously shaped blocks on the floor that looked like it belonged to unfinished furniture made him think that part of this whole schtick was probably part of a rejected art piece for an abstract pop art exhibit.

"I don't get the whole point of this. Kids will get excited over anything" he complained out loud.

".............." Mr. Krupp saw Edith talking, and turned down the volume.

"Say again?"

"I said," Edith said with a sigh. "Maybe if you changed your perspective on certain things, you'd probably get it. Like, if you stood over here..."

Edith guided Mr. Krupp over to a marked area on the floor and looked at where Edith was pointing.

Earlier, it was a distorted pattern that he couldn't make out, but from a different angle, it looked like a bunch of platforms over a large canyon. The way he noticed how people's shadows passed over the image made the illusion all the more perplexing for him.

"That's....that's actually mind boggling."

"Right? And check this out..." Edith showed Mr. Krupp the same abstract blocks he saw from before and had his view aligned with bold, solid shapes on the wall.

"Ohhhh...that was supposed to be a chair?"

A grumpy man started engaging with an interactive children's museum. For once, Mr. Krupp was enjoying himself.

"What's with this one?"Mr. Krupp looked over a pile of stretched morphed images printed onto placards that looked like an open paper fan, minus the wooden sticks. He tried to look at them at an angle, but it still looked distorted. “I think this one is supposed to be a cat?”

“I think you’re supposed to place it over here.” Edith placed another placard by a cylinder with a reflective surface and the reflection showed an image of an astronaut.

“Ohhhh! Now I get it!”

One other exhibit they spent a little bit of time at was a reaction time test.

It was a mechanism where if you press a button, a timer counts down, before a magnet drops a ruler and according to which part of the ruler you catch, you can look at a table to see how fast your reaction time was. Next to this one was another variant where the point is to press a large button at the exact moment a timer counts up to 10.

“Didn’t they have one of these at a restaurant where if you manage to stop it at 10 seconds….” Edith pondered.

“…your meal is free?” Krupp finished.

The two of them looked at each other for a moment and started to laugh. They had never really finished each other’s sentences before.

“You saw that Korean BBQ restaurant too?” asked Edith.

“I was immediately sold on the ‘all-you-can-eat’ part. Still waiting for a coupon to come out.” Mr. Krupp chuckled.

“We should go there next time!”

“For our fifth anniversary?”

“Why wait? We oughta try next week!”

“Can we do that?”

“It’s not like nobody said we should keep goin’ out together once a year. It should be ok to splurge every now an’ then, right?”

The couple actually started to have a great time. For a brief moment, they experienced true happiness. They were actually doing things together.

“We should get in some practice, huh?”

They were smiling again.

You could say that they had fun. ACTUAL fun.

Maybe it was a first for Mr. Krupp.

It was fun enough for him to slightly lower his guard a bit.

Before they knew it, it was almost time for the movie to start.

“We should probably get in line for the film then?” Mr. Krupp asked.

“Yeah.”

*Be-beep!*

Mr. Krupp just got a text…from Mr. Ree. Things couldn’t be better!

But then his stomach sank when he read what Ree’s message said.

Ree

“Call me, NOW . It’s urgent.”

“I-I gotta take this,” The principal stammered. “Can you hold my spot?”

“No problem.” Edith replied.

Mr. Krupp stepped out of the queue and making his way outdoors. He quickly dialed Mr. Ree’s number.

“What happened?” Mr. Krupp blurted out.

“Uh….I don’t know how to say this but…”

“Spit it out! What is it??”

“Somebody broke into my lab last night.”

“What? Was anything stolen?“

“You’re not gonna like this…”

Mr. Krupp’s heart skipped a beat as he began to sweat profusely. “Don’t tell me someone….”

“They stole the ring parts.”

He slumped down on the curb, grasping his phone tightly. The hypno ring was literally the only thing that could get him back to normal. He thought everything would be over in a single phone call, but…

…everything just got extended even longer.

“There’s more to the story,” Mr. Ree said. “Remember when I said that some of the parts were more advanced than they appeared?”

“I think so?”

“Well, I got done cross-referencing the serial numbers on each component. But two nights ago, I discovered one component that I found to be extremely alarming.”

“Alarming how?”

“First off, what exactly was that toy supposed to be in the first place?”

“Do I have to tell you?”

“If you want to at least confirm or disprove my suspicions, then yes!”

Mr. Krupp looked around. He didn’t see anybody nearby.

“Ok,” he whispered. “It was supposed to be some novelty ring with hypnotic powers. A Hypno Ring of some sort”

He heard the sound of glass shattering, followed by the sound of a sharp inhale and exhale with a frustrated and worried groan.

“What was that groan for? Why did you just groan? I never hear you groan! Mr. Ree??”

“Yup….This is far worse than I imagined. That one piece was bad news after all...”

“Wh-what? What do you mean?”

“Listen, we need to talk this over in person. Meet me at my place as soon as you can. Text me 10 minutes in advance, ok? Come alone!”

“Wait! Just tell me what’s going on!”

*click* *beeep* *beeeep*

*Ree? REE??”

Mr. Krupp was in total disbelief. He could barely find the words to even describe this unexpected development. His mind was racing too fast to even find them because it’s all full of questions.

Worse than he imagined?

Alarming??

The ring was stolen??

Sure the ring was a novelty toy with possibly supernatural abilities—it could very well be HAUNTED for all he cares.

But enough to be targeted by someone??

“WHAT TURN OF EVENTS IS THIS??”

-----------------------------------

The soundtrack of his life soon got interrupted by a text from Edith:

Edith

"I’m SO sorry! The line started movin while you were away and before I knew it we all got ushered to our seats! As for the show, it’s just about what you expect out of science and space stuff. If ya want, I could leave the theater early and we could head on over to the Farmer’s market!"

There was another problem, Krupp and Edith parted on a high note and he didn’t want to spoil the mood.

He texted back.

Krupp

"I’m fine. If you’re enjoying the movie, stay and enjoy the film. I can find something that I could get occupied on."

Edith

Alrighty then! Text me if ya changed yer mind!

For a second, Mr. Krupp could have sworn he saw Edith’s ending her last message with a “love ya”, but it might have been his imagination. Plus the message was listed as “edited”.

He couldn’t help but crack a smile. Honestly, he’d be embarrassed if he did the same thing, too.

At last, he made it to the watery play area…

It was a vibrant looking indoor playground for sure. Except, everything on this floor was dead quiet.

No water flowing, no splashing water, no children screaming.

And of course��there was always a monkey wrench thrown at him straight out of left field.

There was a long rope with a sign blocking the way. Mr. Krupp fell to his knees.

The whole area is closed due to an ongoing renovations.

An extra sheet of paper had been taped at the bottom of the sign.

and continued issues with the plumbing system.

He fell onto all fours.

“WWWWHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????????!”

Mr. Krupp started banging his clenched fists on the floor, almost like a child having a tantrum. It soon escalated to kicking his shoes against the floor, then mad flailing that caused his earbuds to fall off, and after that, a very sad attempt at hallway swimming, which wouldn’t have worked in the first place because the floors are carpeted.

“WHY??? WHY CAN’T I BE NORMAL FOR ONE DATE???”

He swung both of his water bottles around like nunchucks and threw it against the empty sign up counter, tossed his now-dry cooling towel onto the floor and stomped on it furiously, banged his head against the wall, and started punching the wall. He was sweating so much he saturated his shirt with sweat stains. He realized this for a split second and by this point he was getting increasingly desperate, so he started raging even more.

*CRUNCH*

To his surprise, he realized that he ended up cracking the mosaic tiled walls by accident.

*SNAP!!*

“Hey! You!!” Shouted a younger sounding voice that came from the other side of the hallway.

Perhaps in a more perfect world, maybe the key to keeping himself from switching out with his unknown other was to just stay sweaty. Maybe it would have been worth going out on walks more to work up enough sweat to keep him sane.

Why stop there? Maybe in that same perfect world, that stupid red hypno-ring wouldn’t have done anything to him. Then Edith would be wearing a pricey engagement ring by now.

But no. That’s not even close to what happened.

For SOME REASON….his own sweat didn’t count.

In the instant he heard that stray finger snap, he started to shift outside of his normal reality. In a panic, Krupp tried to grab onto a guardrail as tightly as he could, almost looking like a scared child who got lost. But even that served a moot purpose.

He was being pulled backwards by an invisible force. He frantically tried to “swim” back to his body, and yet he couldn’t beat the proverbial currents against him.

He came to the museum extra prepared and stayed on guard as firmly as he could. He was sure he was being as vigilant as possible.

And yet he STILL failed.

Once again, he was being yanked out of his own body at the very WORST possible time in his life.

ONCE AGAIN, he was hurdling towards his dreamscape about to pass that same silhouetted alter-ego that might as well be mocking him with its ridiculously wide grin.

Out of pure frustration, Krupp decided to forcibly place himself in front of his other self in an attempt to intercept it. However, considering that his current situation is almost akin to skydiving, and topped with the fact that he can't skydive, he struggled to control where he was positioned. Naturally, the other guy swerved around him with ease like an acrobatic airplane.

As he started fuming, Krupp swiped at the alter ego's ridiculously long cloak. Only to just barely skim it.

It felt like cotton-polyester….just like his office curtains.

Within seconds, he was back inside his head again, shot through the potty door, finger snap to blame. He was lying in the middle of the platform flat on his back. He’d attempt to pry the EGO door open, but he’s burnt himself out from his earlier freakout.

Like before, a foggy vision of the outside world flickered wildly, along with the sound of distorted voices. But Krupp didn’t dare look at it. But that didn’t mean someone wasn’t looking at him…

“I’d rather you keep your joke comments to yourself this time,” Krupp groaned.

“I was gonna say something, but that phone call changed everything.” Wiseguy said grimly.

“So you heard it too, huh?” Krupp sighed.

“Everything you hear, every line of dialogue written in this narrative, I know.”

“You’re worse than a stalker, you know that?”

“Seriously, a broken ring is one thing, but a stolen, broken one? That’s a red flag for tampering. No hypno ring should ever be tampered with!”

Krupp sat up and faced Wiseguy. “Tampered like…it’s been messed with?”

“Or going to be.”

“How bad would it be?”

“Very bad. Unimaginably bad.”

A pause.

“You gonna expand on it?”

Wiseguy shook his head. “I don’t know myself. Nothing like this has ever happened before.”

“What are my other options, then? Find another way to hypnotize myself again?”

“Nope. Your only way out of this, as far as I know, is through that ring. No other method will fix this. Plus, you could be making it worse.”

“Great. Maybe I’ll just hunker down here and just wait for the rest of the day to be over. I’d rather go back to zonking out every time this bunk happens, like an actual blackout.”

“You’re already admitting defeat?”

“For now, I guess. What happened to those clouds that appeared before?”

“They’ve vanished ever since the other guy came back.”

“Fan- freaking -tastic. I hit rock bottom and I can’t even get a proper bed in my mind to sulk in?”

Krupp apathetically brushed his whole palm against the marble floor below him.

“What if you tried getting that other guy’s attention?” Wiseguy suggested.

“Then Rock Bottom would have a basement that leads straight into Pandora’s Box. No thanks.”

“What if it’s your only option forward?”

Krupp recalled everything that happened earlier, the chaos that transpired, and the fleeting moment of happiness he managed to eek out with Edith, the way she smiled at him when she first invited him to go out on a Redo Date, and then the haunting nightmare from last night that started to pinch back at him.

Then he remembered just barely grabbing his Alter Ego’s Cloak.

“What if I can tackle him midway? Drag him down here with me?” Krupp said with a hint of renewed hope.

“If you did that, theoretically it would mean no one is controlling your body.”

“But then I could confront him! What else do I have to lose?”

“Your romance?” Wiseguy quipped with a smirk.

Krupp didn’t like that. But before he could retort, he was sucked back into the EGO door.

…………….

*SPLASH!*

Krupp didn’t dare open his eyes, or move in case he woke up in the middle of a crowd. But his surroundings were as quiet as where he stood before.

He slowly opened one eye, only to realize that he was inside the currently dry children’s watery play area. As expected, some of his clothes had been removed from his body, mainly his shirt and toupee. He opened his other eye as he looked down, thankful that his pants miraculously stayed intact.

“Didn’t think I’d see YOU here of all places!”

This voice sounded like It came from a kid. A middle-schooler.

But more than that, it was familiar to him.

Krupp looked off to his side to see a kid holding a large syringe style water gun aimed at him. He was wearing his water bottle belt like a bayonet and was carrying Krupp’s shirt and toupee with him.

Even more than that, this kid had red hair, freckles, glasses, sweater vest, and more noticeably, a bow tie.

Krupp realized who this kid was.

“Melvin?”

_____________________________________________________

Thank you so much for waiting again!

Illustrations to come!

#captain underpants #mr. krupp #edith the lunch lady #epilogue au #melvin sneedly

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