simonbrain

[simonbrain]

like you’ve been friends for a while and he really thinks you’re the one. all this back and forth at work, the flirting, the nicknames, the banter—it gets his heart thumping and sets his blood on fire, makes him feel something soft and warm.

he tells himself that it’s normal to want to talk to you every day, that it has nothing to do with the sweet sound of your voice, so lovely in his ears that he’s always left a little dazed after every conversation with you. he ignores every shiver that runs down his body when your voice crackles on comms, every time the knot in his stomach tightens when you giggle at his stupid jokes, every twitch in his pants when you sigh or gasp just a little too breathily.

he pretends there’s nothing wrong with recording every phone call he has with you, tells himself that he’s using them as a sleeping aid and nothing else, as if they don’t give him the filthiest wet dreams, as if he doesn’t wake up to his underwear soaked in cum.

he’s a strong man; he can stomach your flirting, your jokes, your laughter, your voice in his ears and in his head. he can.

but when you mutter it into the phone one night—that soft, quiet, love you, si, g’night—he knows he’s absolutely fucked.

thinking about simon recording you saying i love you, looping that shit, and getting off to it whenever he can (you guys aren’t even together yet)

[simonbrain]

thinking about simon recording you saying i love you, looping that shit, and getting off to it whenever he can (you guys aren’t even together yet)

[simonbrain]

i am soooo into an insecure, self-loathing, pathetic simon riley who lies about how attractive he is because in reality he hates the way he looks, who makes up for his lack of social skills and looks with his competence as a soldier, who doesn’t fuck because the anxiety that curls in his gut and weighs down on his chest from the thought of someone seeing his body is much stronger than his desire to experience sex, who turns down anyone who attempts to show interest in him because he cannot stand the idea of it all being a joke, who would rather let his heart rot in its shame and yearning than ever confess to the person he has feelings for because he sincerely believes he isn’t good enough.

[simonbrain]

i need to write some angst man

[simonbrain]

simon points out the final girl getting chased by the slasher in the horror film you’re watching together and sighs out a dreamy little “that’s us” and then just doesn’t elaborate at all

[simonbrain]

getting your back blown out by butch!ghost and pretty much dying and ascending to heaven when she snarls low in your ear, “gonna make me a daddy, baby?”

[simonbrain]

butch ghost.. save me butch ghost….. i need to be butch4butch with her so badddd

- @troutonduty

oughhhh butch!ghost with a buzz cut and a plethora of tattoos adorning her thick arms and a few scattered around her body, who pretty much lives in tank tops and basketball shorts whenever she’s off duty, who has a deep, raspy voice, low and rich in your ears whenever she speaks, who can’t be fucked shaving most days because she’s got better things to think about than her body hair, who works out in a black sports bra and sweats, whose fingers permanently smell of cigarettes, who likes to wear the strap at home 24/7 and press up behind you just to get you hungry for another round, who likes to watch you mouth at her blonde happy trail before you suck her off, who— *GUNSHOTS*

sorry. anyway have this tiktok i saw the other day. literally shouted butch ghost in my head when it popped up 🙂‍↕️

[simonbrain]

something short and sweet to get back into writing :p

“hey baby, what's up?”

silence pours in from the other end, and you quietly click your tongue when there's no response for longer than a minute.

“simon? are you okay? i'm a little busy right now.”

the quiet persists, and you sigh softly, pushing aside a pile of folded clothes so that you can properly lie down on your side of the bed. there's still another load of washing to do, as well as a pile of warm clothes to fold quickly cooling on the sofa, but it wouldn't hurt to take a small break.

it takes a moment, but with the phone pressed right on your ear, you can hear the sound of him breathing, slow and steady. there's a few breaks in his pace, but he manages to suck in a good amount of air before quietly exhaling and then repeating the process.

your heart squeezes a little in your chest, and a breath of your own passes through your lips, mingling with the chilly atmosphere of the bedroom. you're sure if simon were here, he’d be exchanging air with you, happy to just breathe you in, to float in your bubble of warmth.

he must be stressed. you can’t blame him for staying quiet, but you hate when he hoards all his troubles to himself just to save you from worrying about him.

for now, however, he just needs you to be there.

so you shimmy underneath the duvet and rest your head against simon’s pillow, quietly breathing into the phone, hoping he can hear you properly. it’s well into the evening now, the streetlights spilling in underneath the curtain, creating a cosy ambience.

time passes like that. just the two of you exchanging breaths, listening to each other until the sound of him inhaling and exhaling has your eyes feeling heavy and your grip loosening on the phone. when he suddenly speaks up, it startles you awake.

“miss you, love.”

you muster up a response in your sleepy state. “miss you too, si.”

he hums, and that sound alone helps you relax, a small smile stretching across your lips. “you okay?”

simon grunts softly, “yeah. just… bloody knackered. everything’s pissin’ me off today. had to break up a couple o’privates scrapin’ over nothin’. real pathetic sight tha’ was.”

you chuckle softly, listening to him quietly ramble on about how they both folded as soon as he yelled at them. the grit of his voice, the way he’s practically purring in your ear—it scratches a nice little spot in your brain. “no balls,” you mutter, smiling wider when he lets out a soft, mirthful huff.

“too right.”

the silence settles again, but it’s no longer heavy with his burdens. instead, he exhales deeply, sounding calmer and more relaxed, and you inhale, the scent of his pillow only intensifying the burning need to breathe him in for real.

“i love you.” no matter how many times he says it, you’ll always treasure the moments he dedicates those three little words to you, especially in these quiet moments where it’s just you and him and the invisible thread connecting your heart to his, a fierce, unbroken pulse.

all of a sudden your eyes are beginning to sting, and a feeling of longing is pressing down on your chest, but you hold it together long enough to say goodbye to him.

“i love you too,” you rasp softly. “lemme know when you’re coming back home.”

“will do.”

when the call ends, you sniffle softly, hugging his pillow closer to your face. it’s not enough, but you look forward to his return and finally being able to breathe him in, every scent of sweat and blood and grime clinging to him.

[simonbrain]

that one house md moment where cuddy just flat-out cups house's junk in front of wilson? yeah. that's you with simon in front of the rest of the team to prove you're together because after months of holding genuine hatred and malice for each other, no one believes the two of you are dating now. you could kiss crazy style and no one's believing that shit

making myself giggle thinking about his bored told ya face and your exasperated “do you believe us now???” while you're still gripping on his thang

[simonbrain]

About Dark Fiction/Fantasies:

(I'm probably going to get death threats from this post)

Some of you are getting too comfortable with shitting on and harassing dark fiction writers and leaning towards a anti-kink mindset which I've seen lead people down a SWERF, Anti-Kink, Pro-Censorship, or Alt-Right pipeline; all because they weren't well informed or well researched.

I need some of you to take a step back and realize how similar some of the shit you guys say sounds terrifyingly similar to the type of shit SWERFS say.

TW: Rape, Discussions of Rape/Non-Con fantasies, mentions of victim blaming, discussions of taboo kinks and kink in general, links to articles on the discussion of Rape/Non-Con Fantasies are at the bottom that you should check out before commenting or reblogging.

The "My kink is kink shaming!" was funny at first (and not that much) until it wasn't.

There are people in these spaces saying Anti-Kink shit without even being well informed on the kinks they're demonizing, and that only creates a more hostile and uninformed space that does not encourage learning (dare I say it even creates pro-censorship spaces as well that SWERFS thrive in? And how SWERFS use those spaces as "recruiting grounds" under the guise of being pro women/feminist spaces despite the fact that being anti-sex work and anti-kink only hurts women AND queer people?).

Honestly, I've seen people demonize Non-con fantasies while not even knowing what "CNC" (Consensual Non-Consent) means, making it even clearer that they didn't even bother to learn more about the topic at hand.

All of this comes back around to punishing women and queer people in general for daring to explore their sexuality (unsurprisingly).

No, I am not saying you suddenly have to be into rape/non-con fantasies/kinks (or any other such as incest, kidnapping, abuse, etc). That is not what I am saying.

If you somehow thought that was the message then please think as to why you interpreted it that way.

You have the right not to be interested, you have the right to be personally squicked, you do not share the same kinks/fantasies as others, and that's okay.

"You fantasizing rape in the first place must mean you want it to happen in real life!" (1), "So your a rape apologist???" (2)

"Decades ago, psychologists believed that dreams and fantasies (daydreams) were subconscious wishes, therefore, women who had rape fantasies actually wanted to be coerced into sex. That view has been thoroughly debunked. Fantasies don’t necessarily reflect wishes. Among those in long-term relationships, one of the most common fantasies is sex with someone else, even when the daydreamer is happy in the relationship and has no real desire to jump into another bed. Plenty of men fantasize about saving damsels in distress without the slightest real wish to face a raging fire on the 23rd floor. Wishing plays a role in some fantasies, notably dreams of striking it rich or losing weight, but having an erotic fantasy in no way means you want it to come true." (1)

"Women who have rape fantasies don’t want to be sexually assaulted. They feel comfortable with their own sexuality and are happy to embrace their erotic fantasies—wherever they may lead." (1)

"This study in no way condones or tries to justify rape, which remains a violent and reprehensible crime no matter what the research on sexual fantasy of either gender might turn up. While some may even believe that publishing results such as these is going to assist some rapists in justifying their actions, the reality is these violent criminals are not scanning erudite academic research searching for justifications for assault. The editors and armies of academics who consider research submitted for publication in academic journals such as Archives of Sexual Behaviour also clearly believe this kind of study deserves publication, and wider dissemination in the field." (2)

(1) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201508/why-do-women-have-rape-fantasies

(2) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/slightly-blighty/201508/womens-sexual-fantasies-the-latest-scientific-research

And here are a few more links that I already know half of the people reading this aren't going to bother looking at:

(3) https://www.bustle.com/articles/106720-what-do-rape-fantasies-mean-the-psychology-behind-the-common-fantasy-explained

(4) https://cfe.torontomu.ca/blog/2025/02/treading-lightly-why-we-tiptoe-around-womens-rape-fantasies

(5) https://aeon.co/ideas/fantasies-of-forced-sex-are-common-do-they-enable-rape-culture

(6) https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/opinion/rape-fantasy-s-ok/

(7) https://www.vice.com/en/contributor/djanlissa-pringels/

(8) https://www.vice.com/en/article/when-rape-survivors-have-rape-antasies/

I'm making this post because I am seeing way too many writers being harassed over the fiction they write.

Mind you, some of these writers are victims of sexual assault as well (a few who have been forced to out their own traumas because they didn't fit someone's picture perfect example of an victim).

Do you understand how fucked up it is to tell a writer (or anyone in general), who's a victim, that they are romanticizing something terrible they've been through? As if they don't know what it already feels like to go through it? That they are a "Sick fuck" or a "Degenerate" that needs to be jailed?

"And anyway, as the Californian sex therapist Susan Block puts it: ‘Most human fantasies are acculturated by our culture. They’re not just natural.’ Even if these fantasies might not exist in a sexual utopia free of gendered hierarchies and widespread sexual abuse, it is OK, as M argues, to feel and explore them – because they are vastly different from rape itself."

"The majority of rape fantasies involve someone the fantasiser actually desires, often despite persistent resistance to them, and sometimes only without clear consent. These fantasies ultimately give the fantasiser power, whether that means total control of one’s own daydream, or the more limited but still potent control of negotiating a lived sexual scenario with a trusted partner." (Link 5)

(Therapy repeatedly says it's okay, you dork.)

You guys can do better. You guys can learn. Please learn. You are only demonizing others. Curate your online experience and block the damn tags. Holy shit.

[simonbrain]

had a dream about butch ghost driving me around on her bike 😵‍💫 she was so sweet to me i wish we made out before i woke up ugh

[simonbrain]

trying to write something longer than a paragraph but my brain won't cooperate 💔💔💔

[simonbrain]

listening to nettles and thinking about simon ougjhhhhhh 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬

[simonbrain]

wth is mons is that some niche british slang

LMAOOO it's short for mons pubis aka the pubic mound!

[simonbrain]

thinking about surprising simon with a new tattoo except it's his name across your mons :)

[simonbrain]

such a big fan of simon “i care about you so to express my affection i will treat you like shit” riley

[simonbrain]

making cookies in the middle of the night in nothing but panties and a baggy shirt with your speaker blaring music is all fine and dandy until suddenly you're locked eye to eye with the colossal fuck standing in the doorway to your kitchen and true by spandau ballet starts playing.