simplydresly

[simplydresly]

Imagining Family, Job, and Retirement

The kind of family I would want to have when I grow old is just a simple, small, and happy family. I want one or two children, and if I would not bear a child, my husband and I will adopt. I want to get married at the age of 28 or 30 because I want to finish my studies first, get a decent job, save money for the future, and then get married.

The job that I wish to have in the future that even I wasn't paid, I would still be willing to do is volunteer work. I've always wanted to do volunteer works and campaigns. It's what I wanted since high school. I also want to be part of UN and UNICEF because I want to help those people who needed the most help, especially those people coming from the lower class. Even though the UN and UNICEF will not pay me, I would still volunteer and join campaigns because that's altruism. There are lots of volunteer works and campaigns that I want to be part of even though I will not get paid, and that's ok. For me, payment is not important when helping people and the environment.

When I retire, I want to be an empowered trailblazer and leisure lifer. Empowered trailblazer because when I retire, I want to travel, take different kinds of classes, and do volunteer works. Leisure Lifer because I want to spend most of my time engaging in recreational pursuits. I want to do what I didn't do when I was in my adolescence, early, and middle adulthood. Also, I want to do all that to help my memory and not forget anything like my learning, especially reading and writing.

[simplydresly]

Letter of Apology, Appreciation, and Forgiveness

Dear Ma and Pa,

I apologize for being childish sometimes, I mean all the time with you, pa. I apologize for being lazy because sometimes I don't wash dishes and do household chores when you told me to. I apologize for shifting a course, from BS Industrial Engineering to BS Psychology. I said to study Industrial Engineering, but I only finished first year. I felt like a failure to you because you both supported me in studying Engineering. Lastly, I apologize to you ma, because until now, I'm having a hard time being or becoming close to you. It all started when you were working outside Davao and going home twice or once a week. I know that you are trying hard to make it up to me and my brother. I apologize for everything that I did wrong, ma and pa.

Ma and pa, thank you for everything. I feel like I’m the luckiest girl to have you both as my parents. You are my role model, and I'm lucky to have very supportive, caring, and loving parents. I am not here if it wasn't for both of you. You comforted and motivated me. You strive to give me the best and for giving me everything you could. I will try hard to make you both proud of me always. I want to see you both smiling, and the reason for your smile is me. One day when I graduate and be successful in life, I will return what you did to me. Let me do it this time. Thank you for the love and for being good parents. You both are special to me. No words can describe how much you mean to me, but I just want to say, I love you both to the moon and back.

                                                                                                          Your daughter,

                                                                                                                      Dresly

[simplydresly]

Adulthood

Adulthood is the period in the lifespan in which full physical and intellectual maturity have been attained. It begins at age 18-40 years old.

Adulthood overwhelms me because they are regarded as independent, self-sufficient, and responsible. I am in my early adulthood because I am now 21 years old. I can buy what I want with my own money and not relying on my parents, I can make decisions on my own, I am responsible and independent like doing what I want, but I still need to inform my parents if they agree or not. I have an experience, and that is, I want to work at a fast-food restaurant as my summer job because I want to try it to have experience. I asked my family about it, and they didn't agree because they said that “Why work? We can still support you”. I don't have a choice but to agree to them. I just want to try what it's like to work, get my own money, and gain experience.

I find making decisions on my own extra challenging when you are an adult. When I was a first-year college student at Malayan Colleges Mindanao and studying Industrial Engineering, as time goes by, I am not happy studying it because it's hard and my mental health is not well anymore. I made a tough decision to stop and wanted to shift to another course. My first problem is how will I tell it to my parents? Especially my mom. I have this what-ifs in my mind, but I boost my courage to tell it to them, and I'm glad that they agreed. My second problem is, what course would I shift? My classmates said to study Psychology because I want to help people suffering from mental disorders and to help people who are in need. I searched about BS Psychology, and it excites me. My last problem is what school should I study to? My options are UM and DDC, and I picked DDC because they are health professionals. And that was the greatest challenge that I faced.

The things that I am looking forward to after college graduation are enrolling in a review center and take the board exam. And if I pass the board exam and be a registered Psychometrician (RPm), my uncle offered me to work at the mental hospital because he is working there as a dietician and has a connection. I'm not sure if I would take a master's degree and enroll in a med school to be a Registered Psychologist (RPsy) and Psychiatrist.

[simplydresly]

Personal Fable

Whenever I would see my picture when I was in high school, I would laugh because it's so cringey and jeje. I would tell my current self that “Why did I pose like this?” “Why did I do this?” It's so weird and cringey. Another thing is, whenever I got angry with my dad or aunt, I would go to their rooms and I would disarrange their things and such. I remember when I was angry with my dad. I went to his room and put touch and go to the brand of his shoes. When he found out, he scolded me. I think that’s how odd I was during the day.

I recalled one personal fable when I was misunderstood, and that is when a t-shirt in our organization got stolen, and I had a hunch of who is the perpetrator, which is my classmate. The teacher called me to go to her faculty office, and when I arrive, the teacher asked me about the missing shirt because one member did not receive his yet. I was so nervous because I'm the president of the organization. I confronted the perpetrator, and she admitted that she was innocent. I knew that she is lying because she did not purchase a shirt. I cried because of that. My classmates comforted me and said what's wrong, and I told them about my problem. They said that it's just a shirt and I said that it's not like that it's not just a shirt, and they misunderstood me. I told the whole story, and it's hard in my position because I'm the president. I would be blamed if something goes wrong. If they are in my position, they would feel like this. They said I should tell the teacher and they will join me. In the end, the perpetrator admitted that she stole the shirt.

[simplydresly]

Goldberg’s Five Personality Traits (OCEAN) & My Memorable Experience During Elementary Years

OCEAN stands for Openness, Consciousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism.

If I may describe my personality using OCEAN during my elementary years. When it comes to openness, I have high openness because I tend to try new things and tend to think outside the box. In short, I am full of imagination and curiousness.

I have high consciousness because I am careful and organized. I remember self-disciplining myself because I sometimes don’t study. I would tell myself to study because if I would not study, I could get a failing score on my quizzes or worst, have a failing grade.

I have high extraversion because I am so outgoing and energetic. I remember every after lunch, my classmates and I would go to the gym and play there.

I have high agreeableness because I’m friendly and compassionate. I always interact with my friends and some people, and if they are sad or needed help, I would be there for them. I would comfort them, and I can lend my ear to listen to their problems.

Lastly, I have low neuroticism because I am secure and confident. I have a positive personality and emotionally stable. Even If I have a stressful day because there are lots of projects to pass, I just stay positive as I told myself that I would finish this all before the deadline. I don't cry or have tantrums, I just stay calm and have a positive mood.

I have high openness, consciousness, extraversion, and agreeableness. While my neuroticism is low, which is good because I am not sensitive and nervous. All these personality traits when I was in elementary, I still carry this in my high school and college years. In short, I still carry those personality traits until now.

My favorite memory during elementary years is when I graduated in elementary. It is memorable because I finished elementary with flying colors. I made my parents proud of me, and my whole family is present. My mom, dad, brother, aunt, tita, and Tito. After the graduation ceremony, we have a little celebration at home. How I want to go back to that day.

[simplydresly]

My Playmates When I Was Young

When I was a child, I have lots of playmates, and they have the same as me, and some are younger than me.

My playmates are my cousins, neighbors, and my aunt's tutor. I would describe them one-by-one of my favorite memory with them because we have different bonding together. As for my cousins, which is also my neighbors, I would go to their house and play with them, and sometimes they would go to our house. We would play Barbie, Pokémon, video and computer games, hide and seek, play in their playground, and bond in their room. As for my neighbors, my favorite memory is when we got to fly kites, play piko flag, and tag. As for my aunt's tutor, whenever my aunt is done tutoring them, or they would take a break, we would play outside.

To be honest, I'm not that friendly because I'm shy, but I would try to be close to them, and I'm glad because we became close immediately. That was the best childhood experience and memory. I want to go back in time, but I know that it would not happen. I miss those times when we got to play and bond with each other. Now, we cannot do that anymore because we are now adults.

[simplydresly]

Parenting Styles

Parenting styles used in psychology today are based on the work of Diana Baumrind, a developmental psychologist at the University of California and Berkeley in the 1960s. There are four parenting styles called Baumrind parenting styles or Macoby and Martin parenting styles. The four parenting styles are; authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful.

 ·         Authoritative Parenting

-       Have high expectations for achievement and maturity, but they are also warm and responsive. These parents set rules and enforce boundaries by having an open discussion, providing guidance, and using reasoning.

·         Authoritarian Parenting

-       High levels of parental control and low levels of responsiveness are two characteristics of authoritarian parents. Parents demand blind obedience using reasons such as, “because I said so”. They only allow one way of communication through rules and orders. Any attempts to reason with them are seen as backtalk. Parents also employ harsh punishments.

·         Permissive Parenting

-       Parents set very few rules and boundaries, and they are reluctant to enforce rules. These indulgent parents are warm and indulgent, but they do not like to say no or disappoint their children.

·         Neglectful Parenting

-       Parents do not set firm boundaries or high standards. They are indifferent to their children’s needs and uninvolved in their lives. Uninvolved parents may have mental issues such as depression or physical abuse when they were kids.

 My parents are the best parents I can ever have and they are the world to me.

Their parenting style is authoritative parenting. They both have expectations in my achievement and maturity. They are not strict, but I need to follow their rules. They set rules like I need to study and do my homework’s so that I can have good grades, do household chores, curfew, and many more. If I do all those rules, they would compliment me and reward me. Whenever I have concerns, problems, or I did something wrong, they would discipline me, and we would have an open discussion. They are understanding parents.

Psychologists and psychiatrists said that authoritative parenting is considered the best parenting style because it is associated with good outcomes, and children would perform best in school. In my opinion, authoritative is effective because parents are warm and understanding, and not those other parenting styles can have negative outcomes for some children.

My parents made me who I am today with their authoritative parenting. I grew up being disciplined and a good girl. Thank you is not enough, but I thank them that they raise me as a good and educated woman. The benefit that they can get to me is I made them proud. And I can say that in the future when I get married and bear a child, I would follow their parenting style because it's effective, and the result is great.

[simplydresly]

What Temparament Did I Have As A Child?

I asked my primary caregiver, which is my aunt, if what temperament I am when I was a kid, and she said that I am an easy child. An easy child's description can adapt to change, likes new experiences, easy to distract, has a happy disposition, and displays moderate activity.

My primary caregiver told me that I'm not a difficult child because I would follow what she says, and I would behave, but there are times that I have tantrums, which are normal when you are a kid. Whenever I have tantrums, my primary caregiver would hand me my favorite toy or make funny faces, and I would stop having tantrums. She also told me that I am a happy kid because I'm always smiling.

I, as a kid, if I may recall because of my pictures, I like to put on slippers with heels and my primary caregiver would support me because the slipper is too big for me, and she would dress me up in a fashionable way, and she would take a picture of me, and she said that I would pose like a model.

I am glad that I am an easy child because my primary caregiver is not having a hard time taking care of me.

[simplydresly]

Mary Ainsworth’s Attachment Patterns

Mary Ainsworth is a psychologist who made a big impact on Bowlby's attachment theory. She is known as the mother of attachment theory. Mary Ainsworth modified and improved the theory providing the most famous research which explained the individual differences of new-borns attachment. Mary Ainsworth introduced four patterns of attachment, and these are;

 ·         Avoidant attachment

-       Children will tend to avoid parents or caregivers, showing no preference between a caregiver and a stranger. This might be a result of abusive or neglectful caregivers.

·         Ambivalent attachment

-       Children become very distressed when a parent leaves. As a result of poor parental availability, these children cannot depend on their primary caregiver to be there when they need them.

·         Disorganized attachment

-       Children will display a confusing mix of behavior, disoriented, dazed, or confused. They may avoid the parent. Parents may serve as both a source of comfort and fear, leading to disorganized behavior.

·         Secure attachment

-       Children who can depend on their caregivers show distress when separated and joy when reunited. Although the child may be upset but feel assured when the caregiver will return. The child will seek reassurance from caregivers.

 Among the four patterns of attachment, the best matches my attachment style would be the secure attachment because I am too attached to my caregiver. I see my caregiver as my mother even though she is my aunt. I feel happy when she is around, but when she would be separated from me, I would cry and feel distressed. In short, I am so attached to my caregiver that I can't afford to be separated from her. My aunt is my caregiver because my mother is not around all the time because of work. My mother would return home once a week because her work is far from Davao. My father on the other hand is always around, but he would leave me with my caregiver to take care of me.

My caregiver or my aunt would take care of me 24/7. Her behavior when I was younger, if I may recall, she would feed me, makes me happy, buys me branded things, and dress me up in a fashionable way. My response to that is, I’m happy when I’m with her, and I would always behave whenever she is around.

The possible effect is I'm so attached to her that I consider her as my mother, until now in the present time. Our relationship is like a mother-daughter tandem even until now. Another effect is I'm not close to my mother because she is not around most of the time. I feel awkward when I'm with her. My mother gets jealous of me and my aunt. Now, in the present time, I've observed that my mother is reaching out to me, and I'm also trying to reach out to her like opening up to her more, have a bond with her, and many more. Regarding my father, I am so close to him because I am also attached to him. I consider my father as my best buddy. Lastly about my caregiver or aunt, she is the reason why I am like this because of her teachings and influence. She is my life coach, teacher, energizer, partner-in-crime, and my second mother.