siredfirst

[siredfirst]

[siredfirst]

Un ANGE 

[siredfirst]

headstrongmartin​:

texts from last night! meme

[text] Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today? [text] The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here [text] He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after. [text] I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW [text] So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one’s for Team USA. [text] He gave me the “find somebody who wants to date you for who you are” speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants. [text] I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese [text] I just got high off one hit and then Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refrigerator and researching ways to replace it [text] Seriously. I’m like, “Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you’re so fucking intelligent I’m turned on?” [text] Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet? [text] He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I’m keeping him. [text] I’m making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life. [text] It’s a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later. [text] Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I’ve been waiting for this moment forever. [text] Lesson learned. Don’t roleplay with a real knife. [text] We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman’s birthday party for the food. Whoops. [text] He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle. [text] I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I’d say it was a pretty successful Thursday night. [text] I’m wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real. [text] He’s like… An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It’s almost unsettling [text] I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I’ve found the One. [text] Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while… if you happen to find your balls then join us [text] i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”… [text] and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered “Simba” [text] so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. [text] Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. [text] Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me [text] We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sounds logical. Thank you daylight savings. [text] when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was “chug-a-lug” [text] There’s a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork. [text] Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine [text] My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there. [text] He told me he loved me. I didn’t know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him [text] Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten [text] Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly. [text] He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter. [text] we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I’ve ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury [text] I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man’s heart. [text] When was the last time you wore pants? [text] I’ve replaced you with thin mints and masturbation [text] Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast. [text] Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time [text] Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent [text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person. [text] I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how’s your day going? [text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today. [text] We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What’s wrong with this tradition? [text] all i’ve had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila. [text] Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don’t exist? [text] Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special [text] And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention [text] This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the “High While Analyzing Disney Movies” texts begin. [text] Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won’t quit poking me on fb [text] I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes [text] One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won’t be me. I’m drinking liquor out of a fishbowl. [text] You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy [text] im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster [text] just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing. [text] I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on [text] Let’s play a little game called “Chill the Fuck Out” - you’re our first contestant [text] Didn’t get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie. [text] I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion. [text] you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat [text] tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance? [text] We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out [text] maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game [text] i think its awesome that according to your mom i’m your friend that caught on fire. [text] So fucked up. Can’t tell if I’m starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out. [text] I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day. [text] Vodka is such a love hate relationship. [text] you traded sex for a burrito? [text] I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos. [text] You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there. [text] it’s not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher. [text] You’re always adorable, but when you’re drunk, you’re like Chia Pet adorable. [text] this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest [text] I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box [text] I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old’s Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day. [text] It’s like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it’s gummy bears and instead of milk it’s vodka. [text] You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go [text] Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome. [text] we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying “i mean who doesn’t like cheetos” [text] quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you [text] I left a cheeto on everyone’s car trailing to the house i’m at, hanzel and gretel style. [text] Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again. [text] nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs [text] When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar. [text] kinda considering buying a life alert for sophomore year [text] My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something. [text] Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex. [text] you were running down the aisles of walmart singing ‘follow the yellowbrick road’. i’m pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted [text] It’s like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job. [text] did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes? [text] The world would be so much better with thought bubbles. [text] I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy! [text] You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen. [text] I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter. [text] So I woke up today with someone’s door knob in my pocket. I hope everybody else got out of the house ok. [text] So we successfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know. [text] Because when I say ‘You shouldn’t drink anymore’, she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks’ [text] okay, this game isn’t funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are. [text] The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing. [text] when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed [text] so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat. [text] You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone [text] never. drinking. again. [text] I’m gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see. [text] got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night [text] I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now [text] i’m out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction. [text] Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.

[siredfirst]

[siredfirst]

𝑭𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑬𝑫𝑿𝑪𝑯𝑳𝑶𝑬​:

she’d been headed home when she caught a flash of him, climbing into the car with his lunch. and thus she’d followed, keeping out of sight as she’d learned decades ago. call her curious, but also she had seen the tell-tale blankness on the driver’s face for a second which gave her an idea of what was about to go down. her sire had never been as subtle as she was yet for some reason she didn’t show her face until he was finished. “i smelled trouble,” she returned, sidestepping the now abandoned husk of a corpse. it was a bit barbaric for her tastes these days, having moved to a snack and run or blood bag based diet to avoid drawing hunters down upon them. it was far less satisfying but far safer. and was something she was hoping to instill in her fledgling. not everyone lasted while leaving bodies in their wake. “leaving as mess as usual. its been awhile.”

The ancient vampire feigned being wounded by placing his hands on his chest, just over his heart as if he were shot there. “𝙊𝙐𝘾𝙃, Ms. Saint,” he spoke as he tried to close the rather large gap between the two of them. It wasn’t as if he feared being caught by anyone anymore so having a trail of bodies does not worry him in the slightest, but then again he was at this a lot longer than all regular vampires out there. “I don’t 𝗔𝗟𝗪𝗔𝗬𝗦 leave a mess. Sometimes I leave them alive and rather clueless as to what happened to them.” He glances back at the vehicle behind him still rather pleased by his handiwork despite his fledgling’s disappointment in him. It’s not as if he were there to appease her, but knowing that she’s also in town prompts Lucien to perhaps rethink his actions as he has 𝙎𝙊𝙈𝙀 sort of concern over her potentially crossing paths with hunters. The vampire sighs rather softly as his gaze lazily shifts back to Chloe. “Far too long if you ask me. You look great. A little on the lighter side. And you don’t look a day over 200! Just 𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 is your secret?” Lucien offers a rather dry chuckle as he soon leans against the truck.

[siredfirst]

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐘𝐏𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐏𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔?

𝙋𝙊𝙄𝙎𝙊𝙉.  The Poison type is all about maneuverability. Like an assassin, you can navigate the trickiest of social waters with disconcerting ease. Indeed, you seem mysterious to others, constantly toeing the line between anonymity and celebrity. However, for someone so suave, Poison-type, you often forget about the consequences of your actions. Remember that decisions have weight, and sometimes responsibility cannot be avoided. You are eager to analyze a situation, and enjoy the mindgames of sociopolitics. You do certainly know how to strike when the iron is hot, but remember that you may be burned, as well. Everyone has off-days, so don't allow yourself to be too vindictive when you're taken down a peg.

[siredfirst]

It was just 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐊 that he had caught up with the woman he once loved centuries ago in what is now slowly turning into the smallest city in existence. Although he knew he perished by the hands of his former sire, he does not know what became of Aurora before his demise—though he speculates that whatever 𝘿𝙄𝘿 occur no doubt had some kind of Mikaelson behind it. Lucien was going to leave without talking to her but it seems she is just as perceptive as usual and perhaps sensed his presence. He felt nothing but contempt for her after her admittance to not loving him and her willingness to use his affection towards her against him only to gain more power. But as soon as she spoke it was almost as if he could feel the hatred slowly peeling away and lifting off him. “Someone once said that no news can be good news, but I am not sure how 𝙏𝙍𝙐𝙀 the statement is...” The vampire folded his arms and flashed a small smile towards her.

  @siredfirst​ ❜ 𝚊𝚞𝚛𝚘𝚛𝚊 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚕𝚞𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚗

  living  within  the  city  of  san  francisco  seemed  to  have  a  questionable  afterthought  to  it ,  after  all ,  it  did  lack  certain  elegant  scenery .  however ,  there  had  been  a  lurking  feeling  within  her  bones  stating  that  she  should  be  here .  teeth  gritted  at  the  mere  thought  of  such  a  predicament .  strange —   even  though  perhaps  it  were  for  the  best ,  despite  the  interruption  to  avenge  her  dear  brother .  as  if  on  cue , a  grim  facial  expression  turned  into  a  strikingly  positive  one ; flash  of  pearly  whites .  “  oh ,  I was  just  wondering  when  someone  would  pop  up .  ”  now  allowing  the  smile  to  fall  from  her  features ,  “  do  tell  me  you  have  come  with  good  news.  ”

[siredfirst]

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Wanting to enjoy a drink in a new city, Lucien stumbled upon a little bar off the beaten path that had a rather intimate feeling. The 𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐄𝐓𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 from the few patrons around the bar came to be a great source of comfort to the vampire as he needed to be alone with his thoughts. Though it was soon robbed from him when he heard the voice of someone around him. His curiosity 𝙋𝙄𝙌𝙐𝙀𝘿 as he felt it was by far extremely difficult to actually approach him by surprise. With the rim of his glass grazing his lips for only a second, he soon placed it down as he leaned against the bar top to listen to the words of the stranger. It was an interesting line that he thought had definitely died out centuries ago and it prompted Lucien to smile softly before chuckling. “Music can be quite an intimate thing to be shared between individuals and some people do not respect that,” he started turning completely to face the man, “—If you 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐓 know, I am a fan of the classical genre. 𝙂𝙔𝙈𝙉𝙊𝙋𝙀𝘿𝙄𝙀𝙎 𝙉𝙊. 𝙊𝙉𝙀 is at the top of my list.” His eyes gave him a quick once over before trying to study him completely to get a read off of him. “What about you, uh...?” The vampire dragged out the last syllable as a means to get the man to hopefully provide his name as a means for him to know who he is talking to.

                              “ I used to have this…stupid theory, ”  he  finds  it  amusing  because  he’s  not   E N T I R E L Y   sure  that  it  doesn’t  still  apply:  or  at  least,  that  it  doesn’t  still  hold  some  truth;  he  had  enough  belief  in  his  own  ideas  for  that  (  granted not in a narcissistic way…he wasn’t up his own ass  ).  “ that you could tell everything about a person, by listening to a playlist they play on repeat; it applies to me. ”  he’s  happy  to  be  honest  about  that  much.  there  wasn’t  a  narrative  where  his  music  options  were  anything  other  than  EMBARRASSING  but  he  liked  the  popular  happy  stuff  and  maybe  he  had  his  reasons  for  that  (  when life is miserable, play a happy song and pretend it isn’t  ).  “ so, top of your list —- what song is there? ”

[siredfirst]

𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗘𝗥: — [ @fangedxchloe​ ]

Since finding his way to San Francisco the recently revived vampire has been trying to keep busy and part of that was making sure his new accommodations were supernaturally proofed in a sense. All that really took was meeting the right kind of witch that Lucien could exploit into doing his bidding and for that he needed to 𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄 one, which in a sense is easier said than done. It’s not as if they have an app for it, though that would be a money maker that he should get his research department to look into one day. With his search not quite yielding the results that he desired for now he took to turning his attention to something that was mere child’s play for him—obtaining a meal. 

With hands in the depths of his pockets Lucien strolled down the seemingly deserted parking garage until he happened upon a man that was just getting into his truck. Thanks to his vampiric speed he darts behind the stranger, giving him a little bit of a jolt when he realizes he was there. Instead of attacking him here he grabs the man and decides to compel him into being compliant. “So here’s the deal, I’m a wee peckish and you look rather appetizing. I’d finish you here, but the thing is that it’s going to get a little crowded here by the time they find you and that’ll be a whole thing. So save us both some trouble here by staying silent, follow any future commands, and drive us to... 𝙄 𝘿𝙊𝙉'𝙏 𝙆𝙉𝙊𝙒 some desolate construction site,” he commanded as he lets go of the lapel of his current shirt. The vampire climbed into the passenger’s side of the truck and off they went.

It was not long until the compelled happy meal took them to the nearest isolated area that was devoid of any company that Lucien could sense. When the man placed the truck in park he sat there in silence as he was ordered to do but still it felt as if he held great contempt for what he assumed was next. Though he wanted to toy with his food for a spell, he lacked the patience to follow through with it and instead allowed the 𝐇𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑 to take control. Before he knew it fangs protruded from their place and he plunged them into the soft flesh of the man who still sat there in his catatonic state even when he slowly faded away as every last drop of his sustenance graced the vampire’s lips. Once there was nothing left he quickly tossed the corpse to the side, swiped his thumb against the corners of his mouth to remove any excess blood that may have seeped out, and then left the engine running since the owner was already dead it’s not as if he would care anyways.

He whistled a little tune before noticing a familiar face that appeared from seemingly nowhere, which caught Lucien’s attention immediately. Instead of growing aggressive by the unwanted guest his features went soft for but a moment’s time. “If it isn’t 𝙈𝙄𝙎𝙎 𝙎𝘼𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙃𝙊𝙊𝘿 herself, come to check up on your favorite sire?” a wry smile tugs slightly on the corner of his lips as his arms open towards her, not for a hug per se but mostly just for the sake of the gesture itself.

[siredfirst]

[siredfirst]

straight vampires are so unrealistic

[siredfirst]

Jacob Elordi in Euphoria (2019—)

[siredfirst]

𝐓𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐒 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄 | 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐒: 𝑨𝑪𝑪𝑬𝑷𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑮 !!

ғᴀɴɢᴇᴅxᴄʜʟᴏᴇ ᴀsᴋᴇᴅ: [ ᴛᴇxᴛ ] ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟᴀᴄᴋ ᴏғ ɢʀᴇᴀᴛ ᴄᴏʟʟᴇɢᴇ ᴇxᴘᴇʀɪᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏғ ᴍᴀʀɢᴀʀɪᴛᴀs ᴀɴᴅ ғᴏᴀᴍ ᴘᴀʀᴛɪᴇs sᴄᴀʀᴇs ᴍᴇ

[ SMS ⇀ CHLOE ] : funny you assume that i have yet to experience the stereotypical frat parties. [ SMS ⇀ CHLOE ] : who wouldn’t enjoy a buffet of chad, chet, bryce, trey, other chad, and kyle? [ SMS ⇀ CHLOE ] : though i do enjoy throwing extravagant parties myself, there has been a time or two when i felt the need to grace my presence at these horrendous functions.

— [ @fangedxchloe​ ]

[siredfirst]

𝐓𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐒 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄 | 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐒: 𝑨𝑪𝑪𝑬𝑷𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑮 !!

ɴᴇᴘʜɪʟɪᴍxᴇᴠᴇ ᴀsᴋᴇᴅ: [ ᴛᴇxᴛ ] ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴡᴏᴋᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀɴ ᴇɴᴛɪʀᴇ ᴘᴀᴄᴋ ᴏғ ᴏʀᴇᴏs ɪɴ ᴍʏ ᴄʜᴇᴇᴛᴀʜ ᴏɴᴇsɪᴇ. ɪ'ᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴡᴀɪᴛɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜɪs ᴍᴏᴍᴇɴᴛ ғᴏʀᴇᴠᴇʀ.

[ SMS ⇀ EVE ] : there’s nothing wrong with that at all. [ SMS ⇀ EVE ] : sounds like you had a lot of fun last night 

— [ @nephilimxeve​ ]