sitronsangthoughts

[sitronsangthoughts]

I think choice feminism is caught up in a false binary (like so many other things). If you're in a certain mindset about the movement, you see every decision as being either a feminist one or a terrible one, and so you think anything you choose to do must be a feminist choice because you're a feminist and you made it.

I don't think it's particularly feminist to wear makeup or shave your legs. I think there are kinks out there that are frankly not very feminist in nature. That doesn't mean you're a fake feminist or an irredeemable hypocrite for doing those things. You can make choices for yourself that are right for you even if they don't challenge the patriarchy and still challenge the patriarchy in other, more significant ways. Like it's not that big a deal.

[sitronsangthoughts]

Spoilers for Adolescence

I've been seeing people saying that Adolescence is missing the victim's point of view. We don't get to see her family or get to know her in any real way. People view this as part of a bigger trend of erasing victims from the narrative of their tragedies, which only serves to exacerbate the dehumanisation and lack of empathy for women in society, especially among men.

I'm not sure I fully agree?

I'm not contesting the trend. As pointed out in the show as well, history tends to remember perpetrators of violence before victims, and the media - both news media, documentaries and fiction, fall into this pattern a lot. And on an emotional level it does feel unfair and gross that we're all talking much more about the guy who did it than the girl who had her life taken away.

I think it's important to tell victims' stories. I think it's natural when we lose someone to think "the world needs to remember them."

I also think it makes sense in the face of tragedies like this, to focus on the place where things went wrong. On Adolescence, and in so many cases resembling the case on the show, that's not with the victim.

When I saw the show I read it as pointing to the problem and staying on it. Katie was never the problem. The show diagnoses the sickness, but doesn't attempt to heal it. And in a way, by making her such a fringe character in the story, the show underlines how abstract she is to Jamie as well. I feel like that's supposed to be upsetting and uncomfortable.

I've never quite bought into the "he doesn't deserve to have his name remembered" view with situations like this. It's not like we remember it fondly. Yes, we often see a tendency toward fetishising and glorifying serial killers and so on, and I don't like that. But on the whole it just makes sense for people to be compelled by dark stories about human actions. And to wonder what went wrong. And to look for ways to prevent those wrongs in the future.

Like... who cares what individual violent perpetrators deserve. Being remembered isn't necessarily an honor. Fame and infamy aren't prizes you win. It matters more what these tragedies can teach us.

I want women and girls' perspective represented more in general. I want media geared towards young boys and men to feature girls and women's point of view. I want awareness around the toxic red pill bro culture that keeps seducing lonely, angry kids. I want boys to be taught to deal with their emotions.

And I want us to do right by everyone who has been victimised by this type of violence, and prevent it whenever possible. But I think there's no point in denying that in service of that, more often than not, the focus will be on where things went wrong.

[sitronsangthoughts]

This feels taboo to admit but I usually don't really like being sent videos..? (Especially with no context. Like throw me a tiny hint as to why this is worth my time at least. "Thought this was funny", "here's a good idea", "this reminded me of you", all great). I feel kind of like I'm getting assigned homework when I get a video clip. Idk why. Usually they're not even long. Maybe it's because I don't really watch reels or tiktoks etc? I never sit down and do that, it doesn't appeal to me.

And like... I'm not gonna make a fuss over it cause it's such a normal thing to share clips with people, I do it myself every once in a while if I come across something good. I just wish I could lowkey opt out of reel sharing and have it not be weird

[sitronsangthoughts]

So I'm one of those people who keeps my home very tidy most of the time. Everything has its place and everything's neatly organized even where you can't see it. And people often ask me how on earth I'm able to do this, because they aren't, but wish they were.

Here's how:

1. This is the big one: I actively enjoy it. Both the process and the result. Tidying and organizing brings me joy and inner peace. If I hated tidying, I would not prioritize it. If you hate tidying, you probably don't prioritize it and that's fine.

2. I don't have children. Kids, bless them, make a mess wherever they go. And it takes a heck of a lot of time and energy to be a parent. If you have kids, it's super fine and very normal not to have a neat and tidy home.

3. My disabilities/neurospice mostly don't hinder me in doing housework. If you have low energy, low mobility, executive dysfunction, chronic pain, etc etc - it's completely natural not to prioritize extensive organizing.

4. I'm home most days (as I'm unable to work, see previously mentioned neurospice). I have more time that's my own than most people, and housework is one of the ways I bring structure to my day. If I didn't come home until 5, exhausted from work, tired and hungry, tidying would not be high on my list. When I was in school, my room was usually chaos.

Basically there are a bunch of factors working in my favour on this. I do not achieve my tidy home through grit and suffering, because it wouldn't be worth that.

If your space is so cluttered you're genuinely struggling to function in it, or so messy it's unhygienic, yes, you might need some help with that, and that's ok. Especially if you have people or animals in your care.

But it's also ok to just... not care so much about mess. I'm not a better person because my home is tidy. There's no shame in chaos and no glory in order. If people make you feel bad about a messy living space, that's them being mean, not you being a failure.

[sitronsangthoughts]

One delightful thing about getting older (entering my thirties, in my case) is watching my friends find more inner peace. I see it in pretty much all of them. They find hobbies they really enjoy. They decorate their homes how they like. They go to therapy. They show a craving for softness and wholesomeness, they embrace things like baking, cooking, growing flowers and vegetables, picking mushrooms, knitting, painting, writing music. They find exercise they actually enjoy. They get the tattoos they always wanted, they patch things up with their siblings, come out of the closet, celebrate small victories. They hug more freely and show more love. We're all becoming more ourselves, more grounded, less sarcastic, less defensive, more honest, more at home. It's amazing ❤️

[sitronsangthoughts]

You write a series of books about a fantastical, magical community. The community is plagued by prejudice. Some people in it wish to exclude those who haven't been part of it since birth. As this ultra-conservative movement worms its way into the media and government, the hate campaign escalates to systematic attempts to eradicate the "undesirables". The heroes of the story have to fight against these old and cruel ideas to make the community safe for everyone, regardless of their childhood or background. In fact, your self-insert character (an audience favorite) is one of the people targeted by the discrimination and violence. The story deals heavily with the dangers of political propaganda, with how a biased media can skew the truth and vilify those who get too critical in the eyes of the masses, and how those who are different in some way are so often misunderstood, even feared. The books are an unprecedented success, near-universally beloved for their fundamental message: the circumstances of your birth do not determine who you are or where you belong. Forge your own path, stand up for the downtrodden and excluded, and choose love over hate.

Then you go on to become the face of the movement against basic rights for trans people.

[sitronsangthoughts]

Tradwives are ruining floral dresses for everyone else and I need them to stop it

[sitronsangthoughts]

Hot take (?)

The pussy hats were fine. I've heard a lot of people call them trans-exclusionary and bio-essentialist, reducing womanhood to vaginas (and I do not doubt that some who wore them subscribed to that type of worldview).

But the hats were a direct reference to Trump's infamous "grab em by the pussy" comment, a statement against the literal president's own admission to assaulting vulnerable women. They weren't saying pussy=woman, they were condemning his actions. The march on Washington was a protest against his presidency and the attacks he launched on women's rights. The pussy hats were very much contextual.

Don't get me wrong - White feminism™️ is garbage; there are TONS of things to criticise about the feminist movement and its many many failures when it comes to including marginalised women. But the pussy hats imo isn't really one of them.

[sitronsangthoughts]

This is a bit nitpicky maybe. But it bugs me when I see posts about denouncing JKR that make a point of how her books are for children and they're not even good.

1) I generally dislike when people are disparaged for liking stuff that's made for a younger audience, whether it's for nostalgic reasons or they just enjoy it; it's so unnecessary

And more importantly 2) it doesn't matter of the books are good or bad or something in between? JKR is a raging bigot who constantly says and does terrible things. Even if she were a superbly talented writer, boycotting her work would still be the right thing to do. The money she makes from her work directly funds however many anti-trans efforts. Anything less than a clear and complete disavowal of that woman and her queerphobic empire sends a message to the trans communitiy that you don't really care about fighting transphobia.

[sitronsangthoughts]

Raise your hand if you got told off by an international celebrity in the past week ✋🏼 That's a very flex-sounding opening to a post about what was actually an extremely uncomfortable experience. Not because anyone did anything wrong, like, this is not some kind of callout. I'm just trying out different ways of processing the whole thing. Today: writing out my thoughts. I'm gonna number them to sort of keep them distinct from each other but they're not hierarchical and they do blend together. thought 1: I stand by my comments. I believe everything I said, I think it warrants saying, and I think I said it in a perfectly respectful way. And still I almost wish I hadn't said anything. Why? Why is it so hard to be challenged? Why is it so scary to speak up?

thought 2: help, this person is so goddamn famous. Why are we so awed by fame? Why do we assign famous people both too little and too much humanity? I commented on her post, but I never expected a direct reply. I think I'm right in my observation but I'm still so starstruck, I feel too small and meaningless for it to matter. Am I very pathetic? This is an Instagram comment. It's a nothing to many people. It's gigantic to me. I have less than 200 followers on insta. I'm not used to anyone I don't know caring what I have to say.

thought 3: I really admire this person, have for years, have sung her praises to people around me and spread her work, never imagined I'd have any sort of interaction with her. Now I suddenly exist in her world as a frustrating person online. I count as a critic. That doesn't feel good. My brain is saying "yes - you criticised her on her instagram. What did you expect?" while my heart is saying "Senpai is mad at me". And my gut is saying "she's misrepresenting what you actually said, maybe you're a tiny bit mad at her."

thought 4: She is misrepresenting what I actually said. And because of that, thousands of people misconstrue my point and assign me a lack of empathy. Why does that bother me? I know what's true even if people misunderstand. And yet it makes me very, very stressed to think that people are wrong, wrong, wrong about me.

thought 5: Why am I like this? I've had a tight knot in my stomach for days now and my head feels like it's gonna fall off. I'm afraid to open Instagram. I'm thinking about this way too much. And clearly I want to have those thoughts out loud since I'm posting them here. I seem to want someone to untangle my feelings for me, or acknowledge them, or fix them, or something. And I probably want people to say they agree with my comment. thought 6: If I hate attention, hate debate, hate notifications, hate conflict, why do I comment about politics online? Why do I have so much to say and so much regret the instant I say it? Why can't i care a little bit less about the small stuff, so that it's easier to care about the big stuff? Why am I unable to stay out of discourse when I can't handle it? Should I keep doing that or should I stop? thought 7: Free Palestine.

[sitronsangthoughts]

Some people are so eager to gatekeep the meaning of "dressing for yourself". Especially dudes who like shaming women for dressing a certain way "for male attention". Apparently if you have any intention whatsoever of being viewed, you're not dressing for yourself?

If you wear what You want to wear, for reasons You have chosen to prioritize, you're dressing for yourself! If You want to turn heads at the club, that's You dressing with Your Own Goals in mind. If you want to be super comfy, ditto.

Not dressing for yourself would be wearing something you don't actually want to wear because you feel like you should. Covering up what you want to show, or showing what you prefer to cover up. Following someone else's rules to the detriment of your wishes, comfort and expression.

Wanting to be seen does not mean you're being inauthentic.

[sitronsangthoughts]

I have a handful of people in my life who don't behave insensitively. Everyone else is some kind of insensitive. Stuff that makes my brain itch comes out of their mouths all the time. I genuinely can't believe how much insensitive shit gets said and by how many people, every day. I don't get it. I don't get how they think. I don't know why anyone would choose not to have a "first, do no harm" approach to communicating.

[sitronsangthoughts]

I make it my mission never to talk about any group of people in a way I wouldn't if someone belonging to that group could hear me. I don't use jokes or language I would feel like redacting in the company of people who are different from me. That just... seems like an obvious way to live your life, to me. A cornerstone of not being all fake. Of respecting people in ernest and not just performing it.

And yet it seems like so many (if not most) people do not think like this at all..? The sheer amount of behavior I see that I know would go away if x group was represented in the room. How do people do that? How do people clearly understand that they are being insensitive (or they wouldn't censor themselves) - and yet they keep being insensitive so long as the people they target can't hear them?

It makes me so fucking uncomfortable.

[sitronsangthoughts]

I have so many hard-to-formulate thoughts on the concept of cottagecore.

It seems to be mainly this... aesthetic obsession for people who do not live in rural areas. Often I see it discussed as if nobody actually lives in rural areas. Or  as if the act of living in a rural area inherently comes with compulsively cishet, racist and conservative values. Like that “it should be called confederatecore” post.

I’ve lived way out in the Norwegian countryside almost all my life, I do like to wear dresses and pick flowers (always have), I did grow up with chickens roaming the garden freely, and those summer days when all the flowers are blooming and the deer are grazing nearby really are jaw-droppingly idyllic. That’s my real life and it is beautiful. In pictures too.

I’m also a fat queer leftist who spends her free time working to organize local Pride events, who has no desire to live in the 1800s. My flowers and dresses come with equal rights and electric toothbrushes. I’m not a fucking tradwife. I don’t want wildflowers and straw hats to be universally associated with reactionary WASP bullshit any more than I want norse mythology to be associated with neo-nazis.

And there are plenty of unromantic aspects to living here. Doctor’s offices and hospitals are far away. Everywhere smells of manure a lot of the time. Cold, ruthless winters. Muddy dirt roads. A depressingly strong culture of underage drinking. People around here drive like absolute lunatics. The majority of the population is pretty politically conservative; people like me are working hard to change that but we’re so few. Small town gossip, cliquing and prejudice. Not cute. Also, we couldn’t afford to live closer to the city even if we wanted to. I keep seeing the “cottagecore lifestyle” described as this exclusive, unattainable life of privilege, and in some places maybe it is, but here it’s very much a place in or near the city that’s the luxury. This is where homes are cheap. Some people are just stuck here. I don’t know what my point is here or if I even have one. I just... it’s weird. It’s weird, to see a rosy approximation of my real life become a Tiktok trend. It’s weird to see it problematized by leftists on Tumblr. It’s weird, feeling like my literal reality is understood as a kind of toxic fiction.

[sitronsangthoughts]

[sitronsangthoughts]

If you claim not to be prejudiced against a group but you don't want to be reminded that they exist, congrats, you are prejudiced against that group.

[sitronsangthoughts]

Skirts should be banned. All women should wear pants. A skirt is an offensive garment designed to oppress women. They're based on the idea that men can't handle seeing the shape of a woman's butt, thus sexualising a body part both men and women have. It doesn't matter that skirts are a beloved part of many women's wardrobe and feature in much traditional garb. It doesn't matter if you like skirts, because you only think you like them. And there's probably a man who's making you wear them. Choosing to wear a skirt means you don't care about women who are forced to hide their legs. Freedom means you should be required to show the world your thigh gap. All clothes are inherently political and there's no way to bring skirts with us into a feminist future!

This is how you sound arguing for hijab bans.