sjeannedrn-blog
suicidal
tired of being tired.
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Goodbye
09/14/17 9:00 PM
10 months. 10 months since the day na maging mag bestfriend tayo. ang dami na'ting plano, at may mga natupad na tayo dun. nagsimula lang tayo sa phone-call at 'di ko inaasahan na bigla tayong magiging mas close. first goal natin is magkita tayo kahit sobrang layo natin. pero guess what, mabait talaga si universe kase pinagtagpo tayo. na hindi hadlang sa'tin ang layo para matibag friendship na'tin. ang dami nating ginawa nung araw na 'yon. ang saya-saya na'tin. sobra. same shirt, same porma, tsinelas at kung ano-ano pang ka ek-ekan na'tin. pero puta, 'di ko inaasahan na bibitaw ka. 'di ko inaasahan na bigla nalang maglalaho ang iyong mga salita at mapapalitan ng katagang 'isa nalang itong ala-ala' punong-puno na ng luha ang aking mga mata at 'di ko alam kung san ako pupunta dahil ngayon? sobra akong nasasaktan at nagdurusa. nagdurusa dahil bumitaw ka na. bumitaw sa kamay kong nakakapit pa pero siguro sobrang napagod ka kaya't hindi mo na kinaya. bff, mahal na mahal kita at sana maging masa ka kapiling niya. September 14, memorable day. 9:00 pm, sinabi mong ayaw mo na.
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why?
Everyday, I'm always asking why am i still here? I want to cry, I want to shout for help, I want to die but no one cares 'bout me or my feelings, thoughts etc. Fuck it, I don't deserve this shit. I don't deserve to be in this kind of damn situation and I'm so fuckin alone, really. Haha, Everybody would be much better off without me and I'm aware of that thing 'cause yeah, they're happy (obviously) on someone else. Well, this voices in my head are telling me to end my life and me was like 'yeah, it's kinda good idea' besides my life is just a piece of a shit and no one will ever try to waste their tears for a person like me. I should have died. But guess what? I'm still here, dealing with some random people who aren't even real on me. Haha yea, i do believe on the quote saying 'You only live once' but fuck, I keep on dying. Every second, every minute, hour? so, tell me. Why am I still alive?
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