skaiwrites - Tumblr blog

skaiwrites · 5 months ago

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wrote a silly little thing about superpowers. copy below:

hi, uhh, i go by James, and my superpower—

i don't want to call it that. it's not even really an ability and i really don't like calling it a power. it's more something that happens to me, or i guess is just a thing that is true about me?

my uh, super trait is that. well, i kind of just always have whatever i need.

it started a couple years ago with just simple things: i realized i forgot a pen and then lo and behold a pen made its way into my hand.

it's kind of… escalated since then, um, as i'm sure you can tell, what with the still beating heart of. um. someone??? that you took from my hands just a few minutes ago. it did stop beating, right? i am Not in a headspace to find out that what i needed today is a magic heart that always beats, so i've been operating under the assumption that the forces of the universe decided i needed someone dead and that's just how they carried it out, hopefully someone bad. jeez i'd hate to find out it's like someone's progressive grandma. has anyone checked on the mayor yet today by the way? um, no reason. but yeah even though definitely worse to just assume there's a dead guy—or girl i guess, dead person; did we find out who it belongs to by the way? are we sure it was a human heart? anyways it's still easier for me to accept that than me needing a magic beating heart for some reason.

oh right, you wanted to know about my super trait. you just want to know about the heart? man, you know just as much about the heart as i do, but i can tell you how it got there i guess.

well after the pen incident, which i initially brushed off as just a brain fart moment. i thought i forgot that i actually didn't forget a pen. it was a whole thing.

anyway, after the pen incident i was walking home when i tripped on a crack in the sidewalk, and as i was stumbling a big ole' walkin' stick showed up in my hands and i sort of instinctively used it to brace myself so i didn't hit the ground. exactly what i needed, you see?

and it just snowballed after that. things appear in my hands so frequently i don't even notice it anymore! usually small things, a single stick of gum, a sandwich, a cookie, a dildo, basically anything i can put in my mouth i guess. hey don't look at me like that, i'm telling you i don't choose what shows up, i just choose what to do with it. sometimes i don't know why it shows up and sometimes it's just obvious. do you mind if i take a drink of this by the way? i'm thirsty.

where'd i get a drink? come on, keep up!

well a couple weeks after the walking stick i went swimming in the lake and i dove a little too deep and bubbles started flying out of my hands so i grabbed my mouth tight and well it was kind of frickin wild! i could breathe out of my hands!

and that was when i realized it could be anything, absolutely anything, as long as it was something i needed.

i try not to put too much thought into it. who really knows what we need beyond the most basic things, right? might as well just take the universe at face value. it's certainly nice never having to decide what to eat anymore; it seems it takes my emotional needs into consideration too, so i never end up with a food in my hands that i don't immediately realize i want in my mouth too. love when i get to put the things in my mouth. that's pretty great.

but it's not like my emotional needs always take precedence or anything. otherwise presumably something other than a still beating heart would've shown up a few minutes ago. did you find out who it belongs to yet? that was fucked up, i don't think i'm gonna get over it any time soon.

i know whatever it is doesn't create the things; it definitely takes them from wherever they already were. chest cavity, presumably, in this instance.

i know because i get a lot of stuff with specific ass logos on them. that's actually how i learned about my financial advisor, thru one of the pens that showed up. turns out when you stop using your debit card to pay for things because you always have just the right amount of cash in hand it's really easy to save up "i need a financial advisor" levels of money, or at least it was before i quit my job. didn't mean to, by the way! someone else's letter of resignation showed up i guess right before they signed it so i figured that was my cue.

one time a bitchin' lighter with a skull on it showed up when i needed to light a candle, and i almost took up smoking after that just so i could start a cool lighter collection because it pretty much never takes the same thing—otherwise i would only have one pen right now, instead of like 73 different ones because i keep forgetting them when i need them. it does take the same thing when i need something ostensibly mine, however; i forget my phone a lot cuz it's not like i need to remember to bring it anywhere and thankfully i'm not just accidentally stealing people's phones all the time, ha!

—anyway i thought it would be cool to see what kinds of lighters i could get, but the moment i tried to buy cigarettes a pamphlet about lung cancer showed up in my hands so i figured best not to tempt it. i ended up with a lighter collection anyways cuz i started attending random people's birthday parties and offering to light their cake candles instead. much healthier than smoking. i have so many new friends now. not to mention a bunch of shitty bics.

one day a gun showed up and i got freaked out and immediately threw it into the woods. good thing i was already walking in the woods. dunno what that was about tho. never got another gun. there's just some gun with my fingerprints on it in the middle of the woods somewhere! wow! i don't like thinking about that!

oh but sometimes i can't help it. i'm a curious guy ya know? again i try not to be. just let it happen. but what was up with that gun thing!? and the heart?!?!???

probably no big deal. it gets big some times, like when a set of car keys and a pink slip showed up last year. love my new car! but it's usually no big deal.

like, every morning for the past few months now a couple pills show up. dunno what they are but i figured i might as well take em. no big deal i feel great by the way, if you couldn't tell. tho sometimes my heart feels like it's going to explode! haha!

too soon… sorry, too soon.

#skai wrote

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skaiwrites · 5 months ago

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little thing i wrote instead of the thing i was trying to write. might be best viewed on a device you can rotate lol.

i think i am frequently confined by how flat the written word tends to be, so i'm trying to play with the space. maybe i'll write something bigger where i play with the space like this one day when i have a better laptop and can draw words into the endless void.

but for now, i think i'll just keep writing my little mounds, my little beginnings that never take off the ground because the weight of the sand causes it to crumble before i get anywhere big. and that's okay

#skai wrote

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skaiwrites · 7 months ago

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we need to streamline and decentralize digital monetary transactions to follow a universal protocol similar to email.

if i use venmo and my friend uses cashapp and they want to send me $12 for a meal, they should be able to open cashapp and send $12 to venmo.com@skaiwrites (switching the order from email to avoid accidental email/payment false duplicates) and i receive $12 to my venmo immediately.

ideally there should be an href command "payto:" similar to "mailto:" that when you click on, say, a hyperlink with "payto:venmo.com@skaiwrites" it automatically opens your default payment processor with a screen to send me money, and all you have to do is choose how much.

this could be further improved with slash commands, allowing for a "payto:venmo.com@skaiwrites/$12" in hyperlinked text that you can click on, automatically opening up your default payment processor to a screen to send me $12, and once you confirm, i get paid $12

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skaiwrites · 1 year ago

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wait do you guys actually carry purses/bags everywhere you go i really need to know

#i hate the feeling of carrying things so instead i bring a person with me to carry my things for me #realizing that sounds like i have a servant. i don't have a servant. i just have friends who enjoy carrying things #it's a mutualistic symbiosis

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skaiwrites · 1 year ago

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The video, for reference:

for those of you who, reasonably, don't use tiktok, i've provided the script below (i'm unsure if i followed the script exactly, so it may not be a perfect transcript):

The sex offender registry is a fascist construct and needs to be abolished.

That is the argument i was having a few days ago in the comments of someone else's tiktok, because i am dedicated to using this app in the most annoying way possible.

but, it did remind me of this tumblr post i saw a few weeks ago about how it is important for us, as members of society, to have core political beliefs and theory to fall back on in times when we may be too caught up in the moment to think clearly about things.

because, of course, we, humans, are emotional

and sometimes we get overwhelmed with emotion, and if we are not careful, we make decisions based on those emotions, based on what feels right in the moment, rather than what is right long-term.

one of those core political beliefs thats worth having is, quite simply, "fascism is always bad."

and we can come to that conclusion just by looking at how fascism works, right?

so, what is fascism?

i'm not going to get into modern fascist government structures and all that; i don't have nearly enough experience with political theory to feel confident i would explain it well

but as a member of society who is aware of politics, i have enough experience to talk about how fascism affects politics.

so this is not going to be "what fascism is" but instead "how fascism works as a tool."

there are many ways that fascism works; one of them is as a political tool, as a strategy for gaining political power.

it may be useful for you to know that the word "fascism" comes from the italian word for "bundle"

fascist ideas have existed since well before the italian fascist party in the 1900's, but they gave it a name.

and it's a pretty descriptive name actually.

the idea is you put people into groups, into "bundles" basically, and those different bundles, those different groups, have different rights.

and it's a very useful idea if you want to be the only person or the only group of people who have power in a society.

first, you define your bundles, then you decide which bundles get which rights,

then you move people from one bundle to the next, until the only people who have rights are the people you, as basically a dictator at this point, want to have rights.

So, for example, lets say you live in a town with 100 people in it, and it's a total democracy; everyone gets a vote.

you, as an individual, then make up 1% of the vote.

that's not enough for you to have total control over this town. like, at all.

but you want total control; you want to be this town's king.

So your first step is to find some friends, and convince them that if you're king, they will also have more privileges in town.

maybe that means you promising them a cut of the town's taxes; who knows.

regardless, you find some way to convince, say 4 people, that you should be king of the town.

now, you have 5% of the town's vote saying you should be king.

that's obviously, still, not nearly enough.

so you start your fascist propaganda.

you look around and see who people in the town already don't like that much, for whatever reason,

and instead of saying "you all should make me king",

you say, "hey listen, i'm a pretty reasonable guy, we all don't like Freddy over there.

he's weird. he probably wants to do weird things with the government."

you start printing posters, putting out videos, songs, all sorts of things to try to convince the other people of the town that Freddy shouldn't get to vote.

And you don't actually have to convince everyone in town;

this is a simple, majority rules, democracy.

you already have yourself and your 4 friends convinced.

so in order to get to over 50% of the vote, you only have to convince 46 people.

which is a lot, for sure, but that's why you started with Freddy.

everyone already doesn't like Freddy that much, so it's not super difficult to convince quite a few people that Freddy shouldn't vote.

and it's not like you're trying to kill Freddy or anything; you just don't him voting.

and it works; you convince 46 people to vote against Freddy's right to vote.

now you say, "well, Freddy had all those people who voted for him.

Freddy has friends. some of his friends probably agree with his weird politics.

we should take away his friends' rights to vote, too. just to be safe."

and that's pretty severe. but it almost sounds reasonable.

and so most of the people who voted to make Freddy lose his vote will vote to make his friends lose their votes too.

maybe one of the people who voted against Freddy's rights will say no this is too far, and they'll vote to have Freddy's friends keep their votes.

But it won't matter.

the total voting pool, without Freddy, is now just 99 people.

a simple majority is 50 people now, not 51 like it was.

you can afford to lose that one voter.

and this process of pushing propaganda, saying "this other group of people is dangerous to our way of life and doesn't deserve a vote,"

taking away that group's vote, and in the process making the portion of people you have to convince for each new group smaller and smaller,

this repeats until eventually there's only 9 people with voting rights

you and your 4 friends, and 4 other people.

at that point you have a majority, and you can instantly take away the rights of all of those 4 other people.

you are now king of this town.

That is a very simplified version of how fascism works as a political strategy,

and i really skimmed over the propaganda; i'll get back to that.

but it's important to keep in mind that voting is not the only right that people in society have.

So like, first off, tangent: this is just an example of how fascism works in a town you already live in.

What we'll call "settler fascism" or "settler colonial fascism" works similarly, but instead of taking away people's rights one by one until your group has majority control,

you simply pick a town with a small number of people, you move there

you tell all your friends with similar political views as you to move there.

and eventually you and your friends have a majority population in this town, and it's under your control

usually, this works at the same time as basic fascism;

so while more of your friends are moving there, you are working there to take away people's rights.

and this is different from normal immigration, where you are moving somewhere with the intent of contributing to that society, as opposed to taking it over.

so like, just, normal people, moving somewhere, that's not settler colonial fascism.

but when you see governments or even private companies encouraging people to move to a specific region,

especially if the propaganda is specifically telling them that they deserve to be part of the government of that region, despite never having been part of that society before

that is very likely settler colonial fascism

and it's important to keep this in mind because sometimes you'll see in the news for example that an indigenous group

is protesting certain immigration rules that seem good on the surface.

like maybe some foreign government is promising voting rights to settlers of a region,

so when the indigenous people of that region protest that decision from a foreign government, it can be easy to think to yourself "oh, but isn't voting good?"

and, yeah, voting is good, when it is used to better society by people who are a part of that society.

when it is being used to take over a society, then you have a situation where democracy is being abused by fascists, and the people who are trying to prevent that abuse, are the people doing the most good for that society.

end tangent.

additionally once the number of people who can vote is less than half the total number of people,

if there's no sort of, structural things, preventing people from doing so,

the people you have taken the voting rights away from will simply overthrow the government.

and so you don't just split people up into groups of "voters" and "non-voters."

you make a lot of groups, each with different rights.

ideally, you make the system so confusing that the different groups fight each other over who deserves what rights instead of fighting you over the fact that they all deserve equal rights.

but, regardless of how confusing you make the system, it will end up having 3 basic groups:

humans, lesser humans, and inhumans.

humans are the people will all of their human rights.

lesser humans have some.

inhumans have none.

and so back to our town example,

maybe once you've gotten 12 people in town to lose their rights to vote, those 12 people start making a lot more noise than you and your 4 friends,

so you take it a step farther; you say "Freddy's really dangerous. Taking away his voting rights wasn't enough; we need to lock him up."

now, as long as you can keep your prison wardens comfortable, you never have to worry about Freddy getting his rights back or enough of Freddy's allies getting together to overthrow your government.

if you can't keep your prison wardens comfortable, then you have to kill Freddy.

The only way to make sure, beyond any doubt, that the people you've taken rights away from never get them back and never return your town back to a normal democracy, is to kill those people.

they cannot vote if they're dead.

and this is where fascism will always lead

in order for fascism to work, in order for a small group of people to gain complete control over a government, people have to die.

and so the people who want power, they have to convince someone, not necessarily you, that those people deserve to die.

and this is hard.

it's not easy to just say, "hey you should kill Freddy" and have a bunch of people go along with that.

So this is back where core fascism comes to play, this idea of splitting people into groups.

Because when we look at a person, and see their humanity, it's very hard for us to say "yeah that person deserves to die."

So you start with the propaganda.

You say "this type of person deserves to die."

and that's a lot easier to convince people of, because they no longer have to think of those people as people.

through your propaganda, you have dehumanized that group of people.

they are inhuman now.

they are no longer guaranteed the right to live.

and the most important thing you need to understand is this:

once you have a group of inhumans, you don't have to make another.

society has already given you permission to kill a type of person.

in order to kill all the people you need to kill in order to keep control of the government, you don't have to convince society that this other group of people is also okay to kill.

you simply have to convince them that that other group of people is already actually part of that first group.

by framing your propaganda this way, you, a fascist, continue to shift the conversation away from "who deserves to die" or even just "who deserves rights" to a conversation about "who falls into this category of person"

and since you're just talking about categories, about groups at this point,

most people will forget that that is a group of people they've given you permission to strip the rights away from or just flat out kill,

and so they are more willing to take part in that conversation, and they are more willing to be convinced of "oh yeah, that person is an undesirable" than they would be of just directly agreeing to the statement "that person deserves to die."

And so going back to our town example, you won't actually just say "we should take away Freddy's right to vote" at the start.

what you'll actually say is "listen, valued members of the town.

I'm a civilized person. you're a civilized person. I think, as civilized people, we can all agree that sex offenders shouldn't be making decisions in this town."

and no one even thinks of Freddy. They just all agree, "yeah, it would be really bad to have a town run entirely by sex offenders."

so you all vote to ban sex offenders from the ballot box, and it passes with a pretty sizeable majority actually, because, after all, who's going to vote against stopping sex offenders?

Then, you say, "hey i think Freddy's a sex offender. He's pretty weird, right?"

"Hey all those people saying we should let Freddy vote again, they're really sympathetic of sex offenders, aren't they?

they're probably secretly sex offenders. We should add them to the list.

For good measure, we should probably kill Freddy."

And you don't have to convince everyone to kill Freddy.

You just have to convince someone.

And that someone will do it for you, and you will face no repercussions for it. because you didn't kill Freddy.

And it doesn't always happen exactly like that, but, and i'm not exaggerating when i say this, without exception, it literally always happens.

Whether it's the state of florida trying to pass increasingly restrictive legislation giving sex offenders life sentences, and then, making the act of "being transgender" a sex offense,

whether it's joe biden and the state of israel using centuries of propaganda portraying muslims and arabs as inherently sexually violent to justify continuing their genocide in palestine,

whether it's donald trump campaigning to deport undocumented immigrants by spewing lies about mexicans being rapists and murderers,

it always happens.

we live in a society where most people already accept that it is okay to take away the rights of so-called "sex offenders."

and it starts with even just simple rights,

not even as far as voting, necessarily,

just the right to be an active member in society.

and this is necessary.

we are a social species. we need to be active members of society in order to live.

the ability to be an active member of society is a basic human right.

and it is the very first right which the sex offender registry takes away from people.

Now, it's not standardized throughout the nation, so in some regions being a registered sex offender takes away more rights than just that,

but at the very least, having your name on a list of people who it is okay to exclude from society,

having your name on a list of undesirables,

that will lead to your being excluded from society, and eventually your untimely death.

And as i've explained, even if you agree on an individual basis that some people deserve that,

there will always be people on the list who, even by your standards, do not.

it is a tool of people who want total political power, and it will expand until they get it,

and you, member of society, will spend the meantime arguing who deserves to be on the list,

advocating for hundreds, potentially thousands, of people who you personally think don't deserve to be on the list,

and yet, if you aren't willing to look deeper and realize that it is a tool of a fascist government that wants to put everyone on at least some list,

then you will never think that maybe there shouldn't be a list at all.

and there shouldn't.

there is no way to make a list of undesirables that will not be misused, exploited, and taken advantage of in such a way that people who do not deserve to be on that list, will be put on it anyways.

so even if, in your opinion, there are people who would deserve to be on that list, the list itself will still always do more harm than good, and it should not exist.

[ID: a tiktok comment by user "marcelinemermaid" that reads "no hate but of course you're a Tumblr user." End ID]

☹️

#fascism #politics

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skaiwrites · 1 year ago

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[ID: a tiktok comment by user "marcelinemermaid" that reads "no hate but of course you're a Tumblr user." End ID]

☹️

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skaiwrites · 1 year ago

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[ID: a tiktok comment reading "Your to smart for your own good ! ❤️🥰😆" End ID]

for context, this is on a video from 8 months ago about how i don't know which part of the arm is the forearm

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skaiwrites · 1 year ago

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Should you wish to make a normal amount of cookies alongside your ice cream, here's the cookie dough ingredient amounts from before adjusting it to use only 15/16 stick of butter:

Butter, Unsalted: 2 Sticks.

Light Brown Sugar, Packed: 1 Cup

Granulated Sugar: 6 Tablespoons

Salt: 1/2 Teaspoon

Vanilla Extract: 2 Teaspoons

Gluten-Free All-Purpose Flour: 2 Cups

Pasteurized Liquid Egg Substitute: 1 Cup

Chocolate Chips: 6 Tablespoons

The steps of the cookie dough recipe will be the same, just with larger amounts of everything.

Should you wish to use 1 15/16 sticks of butter here instead of 2 (because the ice cream still requires 1/16 stick of butter, so in total you could be using 2 sticks instead of 2 1/16), take the measurements here, divide by 2, then subtract the cookie dough recipe from the first post to get how much you will need to subtract from these measurements for everything to remain proportional:

Butter, Unsalted: 1 15/16 Sticks (31/32 Cups)

Light Brown Sugar, Packed: 31/32 Cups (15 1/2 Tablespoons)

Granulated Sugar: 5 13/16 Tablespoons

Salt: 31/64 Teaspoon (just use 1/2 again. it's not worth it to measure this precisely)

Vanilla Extract: 1 15/16 Teaspoons

Gluten-Free All-Purpose Flour: 1 15/16 Cups (1 Cup and 15 Tablespoons)

Pasteurized Liquid Egg Substitute: 5 13/16 Tablespoons

Chocolate Chips: 31/32 Cups (15 1/2 Tablespoons)

Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream; No Ice Cream Machine Required. A Recipe*:

Total Time:

Like two days; this is not a short process

Ingredients: Total (Ice Cream Amount; Cookie Dough Amount [recommended adjustment due to weirdly specific measurements])

Butter, Unsalted**: 1 Stick (1/16 Stick***; 15/16 Stick****)

Light Brown Sugar, Packed: 15 1/2 Tablespoons (1/2 Cups; 7 1/2 Tablespoons)

Granulated Sugar: ~6 3/4 Tablespoons (1/4 Cups; 2 13/16 Tablespoons [measure 2 3/4 tbsp, add just a tiny bit more, whatever you believe in your heart to be an extra 1/16 tablespoon. Alternatively: 2 tbsp + 1/2 tbsp + ever so slightly less than 1 tsp])

Salt: ~1/4 Teaspoons (just a Dash, whatever you define that as; 15/64 Teaspoons [just do 1/4 Teaspoons]

Vanilla Extract: ~3 Teaspoons (2 Teaspoons; 15/16 Teaspoons [basically just 1 Teaspoon. measure a little light if you feel like it])

Gluten-Free All-Purpose Flour: 15 Tablespoons (0; 15 Tablespoons)

Pasteurized***** Liquid Egg Substitute: ~2 3/4 Tablespoons (0; 2 13/16 Tablespoons [see note for Granulated Sugar])

Chocolate Chips: 7 1/2 Tablespoons (0; 7 1/2 Tablespoons)

Milk: 2 1/4 Cups (2 1/4 Cups; 0)

Heavy Whipping Cream: 1 Cup (1 Cup; 0)

Chocolate Syrup: 1 Teaspoon (1 Teaspoon; 0)

Required Non-measurement Tools:

5 Bowls, preferably metal. 2 should be the same, roughly medium capacity size. A third should be large enough to fit one of the other two inside of it with room to spare. The fourth needs to be large enough to mix a very small amount of cookie dough inside of. The fifth just needs to be big enough to hold a cup of flour.

A lid to cover one of your medium bowls (it does not have to be a perfect fit).

Either plastic wrap or another lid to cover the other of your medium bowls (does need to be a perfect fit)

Some sort of mixing instrument. I recommend you use something electric.

Something to stir with, a wooden spoon or rubber spatula, for example.

Baking Sheet.

Saucepan.

Freezer.

Oven.

Stove.

Prep:

Night before starting, get out one of your 2 smaller bowls, whichever is best suited for mixing. Place it in the freezer to chill (we will call this our "freezer bowl")

At some point before making the cookie dough, you will want to Pasteurize your flour. This is the shortest part of the process and keeps you safe from deadly diseases, so it's not really worth skipping: Preheat your oven to 375°F (191°C). Spread your flour evenly on your baking sheet. Place in oven at 375° for 10 minutes. Take out of oven and allow to cool.

Immediately before making the ice cream, take your other two bowls. Fill the larger one partway with ice and water. Place the smaller one inside the larger one so that the ice water will keep it cold (we will call the smaller bowl our "chilling bowl").

Making the Cookie Dough:

(i recommend you wait until after you've already started making the ice cream since this takes not nearly as long)

Add 15 tablespoons Pasteurized Gluten-Free All-Purpose Flour to a small bowl.

Add 15/64 (~1/4) teaspoons Salt to your flour bowl.

In a different mixing bowl, add 2 13/16 (~2 3/4) tablespoons granulated sugar.

Add 7 1/2 tablespoons packed Light Brown Sugar.

Add 15/16 (~1) teaspoon Vanilla Extract.

Add 15/16 stick of room temperature Butter.

Beat mixture until creamy/thoroughly mixed.

Add 2 13/16 (~2 3/4) tablespoons Pasteurized Liquid Egg Substitute, mixing thoroughly as you add.

Gradually add flour/salt mixture into mixing bowl, mixing thoroughly as you go.

Add 7 1/2 tablespoons chocolate chips. (you may choose to break some [doing all will be very tedious] of your chocolate ships into smaller pieces to make them roll into small balls easier. if you choose to do this, i recommend saving the chocolate chip crumbs and instead of adding them to your cookie dough, adding them directly to the ice cream to give it an extra chocolate chip taste even when you aren't biting into a cookie dough ball)

Mix until chocolate chips are evenly distributed.

Roll mixture into small balls of cookie dough (i would recommend placing them in your now empty flour bowl as you go). Balls should be about 1/4 teaspoon or a little smaller than half the tip of your pinky finger. For reference, each ball should be big enough to contain exactly one chocolate chip and still have a little doughy padding on the side.

Place dough balls into freezer to chill so that when you mix them into your ice cream later, they don't break apart.

Making the Ice Cream:

Pour 2 1/4 cups Milk into a saucepan.

Add 1 cup Heavy Whipping Cream to the saucepan.

Add 1/4 cups Granulated Sugar. Stir lightly to avoid clumps.

Place saucepan on stove burner on low heat.

Take 1/2 cups of packed Light Brown Sugar, and sprinkle it into the saucepan (you don't want clumps of brown sugar in your ice cream. so, since you packed it to measure it, you need to de-pack/re-fluff it as you add it to the cream).

Stir until you can't feel any clumps (a little graininess is fine for the time being).

Add 1 teaspoon chocolate syrup. Stir briefly.

Add 1/16 stick of butter.

Sprinkle in a little bit of salt (measure with your heart. i think i shook a salt shaker like 3 or 4 times)

Stir until all ingredients are fully melted/dissolved, no grains of sugar can be felt, and the mixture is hot. A thin film of foam should have begun to form at the top of the cream and be sticking to edge of the saucepan a bit (little tiny bubbles, almost too small to instantly recognize them as bubbles. they'll make the top of the cream look a few shades lighter in color than the part underneath them)

Pour Cream Mixture into Chilling Bowl. (we are done with the saucepan forever)

Add 2 teaspoons vanilla extract. Stir until the vanilla extract does not separate from the cream.

Cover Chilling Bowl and let sit in its ice bath for 20 minutes.

Transfer cream mixture into Freezer Bowl.

a) Place Freezer Bowl back into the freezer.

b) Let sit for 30 minutes to an hour, or until edges just begin to solidify. (this may take many hours depending on the temperature of your freezer) (the amount of time you let it sit in the freezer between mixings will determine how creamy it is when you're done. The longer you leave it in the freezer without mixing it, the more ice crystals will form, and the less creamy it will be.)

c) Take the Freezing Bowl out of the freezer.

d) Beat the mixture thoroughly, until any frozen bits are well mixed into the cream. Your goal is to break apart any ice crystals that have formed and to whip extra air into the cream so it remains soft and easy to scoop when it becomes fully frozen later.

Repeat steps (a) through (d) until mixture has reached your desired level of creaminess. (i recommend making the cookie dough during the first or second (b) interval since you're going to be waiting a while anyways)

Beat the mixture one more time.

Slowly mix your ice cream as you add your chocolate chip cookie dough balls to the mixture. (the cookie dough recipe makes a little bit more cookie dough than you probably want [you would be disappointed if it made less than you want, and there's no way for me to predict exactly how much you want, hence overestimating], so you may not necessarily want to put all the cookie dough in the ice cream. you can use the rest to make 2 or 3 cookies if you want; just make the dough balls cookie sized and place in the oven at 375°F for about 9 minutes)

Mix until the cookie dough balls are evenly distributed to your liking.

Place bowl back in the freezer.

Once it freezes again, you will have chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. do whatever you want with it.

*i made the recipe myself, based on a lot of different recipes for cookie dough and ice cream, separately. The measurements are a little bit weird in some places because of conversions required to not have to get out a whole extra stick of butter just to use half a tablespoon from it.

**i used unsalted butter because it's what i had in the house. if you want to use salted butter, just do your best to adjust the rest of the salt in the recipe accordingly

***1/2 tablespoons

****the rest of the stick (7 1/2 tablespoons)

*****please don't get people sick by feeding them uncooked and unpasteurized eggs

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skaiwrites · 1 year ago

Text

Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream; No Ice Cream Machine Required. A Recipe*:

Total Time:

Like two days; this is not a short process

Ingredients: Total (Ice Cream Amount; Cookie Dough Amount [recommended adjustment due to weirdly specific measurements])

Butter, Unsalted**: 1 Stick (1/16 Stick***; 15/16 Stick****)

Light Brown Sugar, Packed: 15 1/2 Tablespoons (1/2 Cups; 7 1/2 Tablespoons)

Salt: ~1/4 Teaspoons (just a Dash, whatever you define that as; 15/64 Teaspoons [just do 1/4 Teaspoons]

Vanilla Extract: ~3 Teaspoons (2 Teaspoons; 15/16 Teaspoons [basically just 1 Teaspoon. measure a little light if you feel like it])

Gluten-Free All-Purpose Flour: 15 Tablespoons (0; 15 Tablespoons)

Pasteurized***** Liquid Egg Substitute: ~2 3/4 Tablespoons (0; 2 13/16 Tablespoons [see note for Granulated Sugar])

Chocolate Chips: 7 1/2 Tablespoons (0; 7 1/2 Tablespoons)

Milk: 2 1/4 Cups (2 1/4 Cups; 0)

Heavy Whipping Cream: 1 Cup (1 Cup; 0)

Chocolate Syrup: 1 Teaspoon (1 Teaspoon; 0)

Required Non-measurement Tools:

A lid to cover one of your medium bowls (it does not have to be a perfect fit).

Either plastic wrap or another lid to cover the other of your medium bowls (does need to be a perfect fit)

Some sort of mixing instrument. I recommend you use something electric.

Something to stir with, a wooden spoon or rubber spatula, for example.

Baking Sheet.

Saucepan.

Freezer.

Oven.

Stove.

Prep:

Night before starting, get out one of your 2 smaller bowls, whichever is best suited for mixing. Place it in the freezer to chill (we will call this our "freezer bowl")

Making the Cookie Dough:

(i recommend you wait until after you've already started making the ice cream since this takes not nearly as long)

Add 15 tablespoons Pasteurized Gluten-Free All-Purpose Flour to a small bowl.

Add 15/64 (~1/4) teaspoons Salt to your flour bowl.

In a different mixing bowl, add 2 13/16 (~2 3/4) tablespoons granulated sugar.

Add 7 1/2 tablespoons packed Light Brown Sugar.

Add 15/16 (~1) teaspoon Vanilla Extract.

Add 15/16 stick of room temperature Butter.

Beat mixture until creamy/thoroughly mixed.

Add 2 13/16 (~2 3/4) tablespoons Pasteurized Liquid Egg Substitute, mixing thoroughly as you add.

Gradually add flour/salt mixture into mixing bowl, mixing thoroughly as you go.

Mix until chocolate chips are evenly distributed.

Place dough balls into freezer to chill so that when you mix them into your ice cream later, they don't break apart.

Making the Ice Cream:

Pour 2 1/4 cups Milk into a saucepan.

Add 1 cup Heavy Whipping Cream to the saucepan.

Add 1/4 cups Granulated Sugar. Stir lightly to avoid clumps.

Place saucepan on stove burner on low heat.

Stir until you can't feel any clumps (a little graininess is fine for the time being).

Add 1 teaspoon chocolate syrup. Stir briefly.

Add 1/16 stick of butter.

Sprinkle in a little bit of salt (measure with your heart. i think i shook a salt shaker like 3 or 4 times)

Pour Cream Mixture into Chilling Bowl. (we are done with the saucepan forever)

Add 2 teaspoons vanilla extract. Stir until the vanilla extract does not separate from the cream.

Cover Chilling Bowl and let sit in its ice bath for 20 minutes.

Transfer cream mixture into Freezer Bowl.

a) Place Freezer Bowl back into the freezer.

c) Take the Freezing Bowl out of the freezer.

Beat the mixture one more time.

Mix until the cookie dough balls are evenly distributed to your liking.

Place bowl back in the freezer.

Once it freezes again, you will have chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. do whatever you want with it.

**i used unsalted butter because it's what i had in the house. if you want to use salted butter, just do your best to adjust the rest of the salt in the recipe accordingly

***1/2 tablespoons

****the rest of the stick (7 1/2 tablespoons)

*****please don't get people sick by feeding them uncooked and unpasteurized eggs

#chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream #gluten free #ice cream #gluten free chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream #ice cream recipe #chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream recipe #gluten free chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream recipe

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