sketchumms

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ya know... i'm tired. i'm tired of trying to use twitter & discord as a way to vent; if i'm gonna do anything with this almost 15 year old acct, it's this - to get a lot of shit off my mind and heart.

good, great, and bad news for 2024.

bad first:

my dad's home burnt down; displacing him, some of my siblings, my stepmom & uncle

my mother has stage 3 breast cancer; stepmom's got acute leukemia

I found out my little sister's bf has been ab*sing her and I brought her my way; where she can be safe.

good news:

i'm back in school. I'm trying to get my health back in order & to have a good way to work through these frustrations - so we in the gym for free next semester

though i don't have a steady job rn, i still have a good student/work opportunity on campus that's helping for now.

i've been on anxiety meds for the last 6-7 months and it's the best decision i've made in years

i maaaay have a nice situation going on for me (?)

great news:

September's gonna make 6 years I've been on testosterone. Didn't even think I make it this far, but i'm doing a hell of a lot better mentally than i ever thought + all that previous anxiety was heavy dysphoria w/o my realization

My mother calls me her son. It took 5 years, but our relationship has been somewhat improving & i'm fuckin' thankful for it.

i'm just fucking over 2024, but i've got a good sphere of support.

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whew doggie I haven't been on this motherfuckin' website in probably.... 4? 5 years?

well. it's fuckin' ghetto here on earth, but we're here (i guess)

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Quotes from the Everything Everywhere All At Once Directors’ commentary, part 1 of 2

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let’s see if i even remember how to use this shit beyond reblogs

i hope y’all been well and if you’re new here, well welcome to the thunderdome

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imagine almost peaking in your 30s and you still ain’t shit

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Well well - look what the cat drug in.  I haven’t been on Tumblr in THREE years. 

Welp - here’s my face - almost two years on Testosterone, still baby faced & I can’t reach the second shelf.

I’m sending love to all of you - especially my mutuals in these hard times & please know that you’re thoroughly missed.

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It’s literally Red going ‘FUCK. WHY AM I A CHILD’

The opening to pokemon let’s go is so strangely unnerving

Why does he wake up standing in front of his TV?

What is he staring at his hands for??

Why does he look around his room like hes never seen it before???

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REBLOG THIS IF:

- you support trans kids under 18

- you support trans kids getting surgeries before 18

- you support trans kids starting hormone therapy before 18

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suffice to say: the answer to “I see you like Batman” & “how are you dealing with your depression” is exactly the same: It’s something light, y’know, but it’s nothing too serious. . . #wheninfactitsthecompleteopposite #sketchdoesthings #sketchdoesnotconformwiththespecifications #ITHASADETACHABLECAPE #IPulledMyMaskOffTheWall #appreciatethisdammit (at Antioch, California)

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NEW VIDEO: “It’s Time For a Career Change…” - after almost 11 years on YouTube… I decided it might be time to switch things up. Reblog for a follow!

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It just really hit me...

In 6 days, I’m gonna really start my journey to transitioning.

...I need to be held or something.

Also, really late update and shit because I miss my mutuals and I’m terrible at checking Tumblr:

I was diagnosed with Dysthymia (Persistent Depressive Disorder) with Anxious distress by a crappy, yet efficient therapist.

It really explains why I have dark and constant periods where I just don’t give a shit about my life; even when the sun is out and shining, doing its’ sun thing.

I’ve been in a steady job for the last 2 months with wonderful new friends, and they understand I have terrible moments. They even call me by my pronouns and correct each other so they don’t hurt me.

I’m in constant pain and I’m pretty sure I have an auto immune disease, but I’m trying, guys.

I really am.

I live in a home where my family and I are together, but separated; I’m constantly misgendered by my mom, but my sister is my guiding light. She respects my pronouns and I wouldn’t be here typing this without her.

Everything is full circle - hopefully I can find peace or something like it I guess.

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*fish speak* LEAVE GEORGIE ALONE

Original Post by @silverhawk

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Why "doing something relaxing” does not help your anxiety

A lot of the time when people give advice intended to relieve anxiety, they suggest doing “relaxing” things like drawing, painting, knitting, taking a bubble bath, coloring in one of those zen coloring books, or watching glitter settle to the bottom of a jar.

This advice is always well-intentioned, and I’m not here to diss people who either give it or who benefit from it. But it has never, ever done shit for me, and this is because it goes about resolving anxiety in the completely wrong way.  

THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you. You need to ESCAPE from the dwelling and the obsession in order to experience relief.

You can drive to a quiet farm, drive to the beach, drive to a park, or anywhere else, but as someone who has tried it all many, many times, trust me–it’s a waste of gas. You will just end up still sad and stressed, only with sand on your butt. You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind. 

People who have anxiety do not need more time to contemplate, because we will use it to contemplate how much we suck.

In fact, you could say that’s what anxiety is–hyper-contemplating. When we let our minds run free, they run straight into the thorn bushes. Our minds are already running, and they need to be controlled. They need to be given something to do, or they’ll destroy everything, just like an overactive husky dog ripping up all the furniture. 

Therefore, I present to you: 

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHEN ANXIOUS

–Go on a walk

–Watch a sunset, watch fish in an aquarium, watch glitter, etc.

–Go anywhere where the main activity is sitting and watching

–Draw, color, do anything that occupies the hands and not the mind

–Do yoga, jog, go fishing, or anything that lets you mentally drift 

–Do literally ANYTHING that gives you great amounts of mental space to obsess and dwell on things.

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHEN ANXIOUS:

–Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other mind teaser game. Crosswords are the best.

–Write something. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Write the Top 10 Best Restaurants in My City. Rank celebrities according to Best Smile. Write some dumb Legolas fanfiction and rip it up when you’re done. It’s not for publication, it’s a relief exercise that only you will see. 

–Read something, watch TV, or watch a movie–as long as it’s engrossing. Don’t watch anything which you can run as background noise (like, off the top of my head, Say Yes to The Dress.) As weird as it seems, American Horror Story actually helps me a lot, because it sucks me in. 

–Masturbate. Yes, I’m serious. Your mind has to concentrate on the mini-movie it’s running. It can’t run Sexy Titillating Things and All The Things That are Bothering Me at the same time. (…I hope. If it can, then…ignore this one.) 

–Do math problems—literally, google “algebra problems worksheet” and solve them. If you haven’t done math since 7th grade this will really help you. I don’t mean with math, I mean with the anxiety. 

–Play a game or a sport with someone that requires great mental concentration. Working with 5 people to get a ball over a net is a challenge which will require your brain to turn off the Sadness Channel. 

–Play a video game, as long as it’s not something like candy crush or Tetris that’s mindless. 

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO DURING PANIC ATTACKS ESPECIALLY:

–List the capitals of all the U.S. states

–List the capitals of all the European countries

–List all the shapes you can see. Or all the colors. 

–List all the blonde celebrities you can think of.

–Pull up a random block of text and count all the As in it, or Es or whatever.  

Now obviously, I am not a doctor. I am just an anxious person who has tried almost everything to help myself.  I’ve finally realized that the stuff people recommend never works because this is a disorder that thrives on free time and free mental space. When I do the stuff I listed above, I can breathe again. And I hope it helps someone here too. 

(Now this shouldn’t have to be said but if the “do nots” work for you then by all means do them. They’ve just never worked for me.)

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"tell me on anon what you'd never tell me off anon"

do this my mind needs distracting please

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Legitimate *pro bono legal services* don’t exist without a good reason. In a few of the exmormon groups I’m in you’ll see regular posts saying stuff like “Look what my lawyer sent me today!” with a pic of their resignation confirmation letter from the church.

You know. Just stuff that a normal average church that is definitely not actually a cult would do. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

🙄