skiniboneballerina - Tumblr blog

[skiniboneballerina]

just give me a heart attack i’m fucking losing it

[skiniboneballerina]

i said i had an eating disorder and a man looked me up and down and said “no you don’t” and i have never felt worse about myself and i hope he dies.

i am fighting my brain every single fucking day and now i want to go back. i cant go back because i want to do the things i love. but fuck. to be 80lbs again would be a dream.

i fought so hard to be healthy again and now i don’t know what to do. FUCK

[skiniboneballerina]

I JUST NEED SOMEONE OR SOMETHING TO TRIGGER THE FUCK OUT OF ME

:)

[skiniboneballerina]

my boyfriends room is so so gross it’s literally disgusting and i cannot stand it

[skiniboneballerina]

soup cup — 120

fries with my boyfriend — about 190

a biscuit with honey — 170

480 and it’s only 5:30pm.

hungry but won’t eat. i won’t. i know if i give in. i’ll never stop and i’ll never get where i want to be. i’ll go home and take a nap.

[skiniboneballerina]

ana grocery shopping with my gas money🤭

[skiniboneballerina]

i really need to get better at this not eating thing

[skiniboneballerina]

so yesterday i had about 720 calories which was really disappointing but not too bad for just getting back into things

i had about 1.5 cinnamon roll pancakes, which i kind of just assumed would be around 400 ish calories (probably more but im too scared to find out)

a 70 calorie apple sauce

and then about 250 calories worth of hot fries

BUT

today i had about 200 and i think that’s a win 😌

130 cal soup cup

45 calorie fruit loop snack bag

(i rounded up)

[skiniboneballerina]

wish I could fast until I get to 95lbs.

[skiniboneballerina]

I want to be skinny by summer 😩😭

[skiniboneballerina]

i am unbelievably close to double digits. 1.7 lbs and im going to do it. im going to do it. no matter what. i will do this.

tomorrow i will have a monster for breakfast,

water for lunch, i’ll tell my boyfriend im not feeling well. aw

maybe another monster for dinner if i really need, or maybe flavored water.

i’ll pick up some flavor packets before class in the morning

[skiniboneballerina]

sobbing right now because i hate myself more than words can describe

[skiniboneballerina]

i haven’t been sick in a long time but im starting to fall back and i want to fall back. im on vacation right now but when i get home i want to try to start doing omad and see how that works. in the past, it was easiest for me to eat 3 100cal meals but now i have a boyfriend who’s family feeds me, and he cares a lot about what i eat, so maybe i’ll be able to get away with omad. we’ll see.

[skiniboneballerina]

i want to lose my mind, i want to cut my hair and dye it, i want to wear my eyeliner, i want to scream, i want to cut off everyone, i want to make everyone worry because i’ve become so unhinged

[skiniboneballerina]

STOP EATING! I WANT TO ROT FROM THE INSIDE OUT

[skiniboneballerina]

oh fuck here we go again

[skiniboneballerina]

i shouldn’t be here but hello