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Relinquishing

Days without talking to you feels like years had passed. A week, feels like a decade. Now, it feels like forever has gone. I'm like a warrior wondring in a war looking for my lost sword. We used to talk every day. We always treasured every second, every minute, and every hour that we have. A precious moment for keeps. I thought it would never end. I thought it would last forever. I still believe in you but things gets harder. I'm losing it. I know I promised to be here for you but how can I be here if it feels like you don't need me any more. Everything starts to fall apart. It hurts and it's making me feel numb. It hurts. It's like.. No matter how ready and how tough I think I am, going to a war would be futile if I don't even know which war am I going to. No matter how brave I am, going to a war would be futile if I don't even know if I have a kingdom to defend. No matter how willing I am to sacrifice my life in a war to win against the enemy would be futile, if I don't even know if the war really do exist. The pain continues... It hurts that I don't even know what to do. It hurts that I don't even know how to express it when all I do is to keep it myself the whole time. Denying things, that it isn't really happening. It hurts to lose something you've been wanting and trying to keep but never really had a chance to have and own it. I still have my hopes and dreams. Still have it like what we used to do before. But reality will keep on knocking me down. I've tried my best to hold on to what we have. Hold on to us. But it seems like I'm holding on into nothing. Unwilling dropping off the sword. Surrendering in to the war that doesn't even start. I'm giving myself time. Giving myself space. I'm giving myself a break from all the hurtin'. I love you and I will always love you. But for now, I'm saying my good bye. I'm still hoping that someday somehow everything between us will be okay like what we always dreamed of. By that time, I'll be holding on to my sword and my shield. Be holding them up high ready to defend what's mine. I will be ready to defeat the enemy who will dare to take my kingdom away from me. #dearjohn #stardust #octnov2017

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been busy the whole week yet you keep on crossing in my mind...I miss you so bad 😖

#stardust

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#missing #repost

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...just promise me that you'll take of yourself and please always be safe...

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When things gets rough

I used to hold a grip onto all the words that you’ve said. Hold on to us. I hold on so tight without any hesitation. I hold on to uncertain things which I don’t usually do. But I did, simply because I love you and I trust you.

Everything was perfect. It’s heaven-sent. I was that jubilant of having you in my life. We were always that thankful. Over the billion people out there, still we found each other. How fortunate we are. That we’re meant to meet, like you would always say. That you feel like you’ve known me your whole life.

We always look at the same stars even if we have a different time. We dream and we wish together. We were happy and thankful knowing we have each other. How much happiness it brings in our life. How we feel each other’s presence even if we were on a different side of the world. Even if we’re not together.

We made our own world where no one can come between us. Where everythings seems to be perfect. Where everyone agrees into what we have. A place where no problems, no worries and nothing else except for the two of us. We even feel sorry for people who’s not able to find their own world.

But reality always try to pull us apart.

Guess we can’t just really escape the truth or was it just me? I hold on to us. I believe in what we have but are we feeling the same thing?

Time flies, didn’t notice how long we’ve been like this. Slowly things seems to be drifting apart. Are we?

The smile on my face that once seems like it will never fades, vanished just like the falling star that passes through the dark sky.

The harsh reality that we’ve been trying to get rid off will always knock us out. Things around us gets tougher and tougher.

Still. I hold on to the things that I believe we have. I hold on so tight. I hold on even if the pain I’m feeling gets deeper. Slowly killing me. But I guess I’m already too dead to die.

I’m still holding on. Even if they call me stupid for believing into uncertain things. Why would I listen to them? Why would I let go of you? They don’t know anything about us! They don’t know the things that we have.

A sarcastic laugh. They’ll never know what we have.

I’m still holding on but not as tight as it was before. It starts to loosen up. I got scared. I tried to hold on tighter but why does it seems like it’s slowly slipping away. What was happening?

My tears starts to fall. Why is it slipping away? A gloomy smile draws on my face. Can you hold on tight? I won’t let go and will never let go. I promised that I will always be here for you. I’ll keep it. I believe in you. I believe in us. I still believe in every word you said. And I will always be forever thankful that I found a man like you.

#dearjohn #stardust #September2017

#koimizu

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exactly how I feel

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Anrui

I don’t really know where to start. It’s a cliché and I guess I never really learn my lesson. I always make that same mistake.

I didn’t pay much attention with your company before, it was just a casual talk. It was nothing. It was nothing, that’s what I just thought.

Time passed. I eventually get used to it. It became part of my daily routine.Later on, talking to you can then make me smile.

Days turns to week. Weeks turns into month. Talking to you could turn my bad day into a great day. It’s like my daily dose.

We make our own world, just by talking. A place where we could dream of things we want. A perfect place for just the two of us, that I even wished it was real. For in that world, we can just forget and leave our harsh reality. We’re so happy and contented having each other.

Distance and time doesn’t even matter to us. We were apart but could still feel the arms of each other.

We close our eyes and dream. We dream, the only way for us to be together.

It’s daytime in your place and nighttime in mine. We have different time but we look at the same star.

Just like what we’ve been wanting to do. Stay up late in the roof top. Watch how stars shines over us.

Everything turns out to be so perfect. We were happy, no. I was happy. I was so happy and it’s over flowing that no bad things could ever break my smile. I always wakes up with a smile on my face. Seeing your wonderful messages first thing in the morning, can make my whole day perfect.

The feeling that I’ve lost a long time ago started to grow again. I thought I would never feel it again. My world turns out to be so beautiful and bright.

How you would always say how lucky we are to find each other even though there’s a million people out there.

We always talked at the same time of the day, just like what we always do. But, not until one day…

I didn’t hear anything from you. I thought maybe you were just busy or you spend time with your family again. Just like before, I thought to myself. But my world became gloomy. I’ve waited for hours. One, two, three days, weeks…still, nothing.

My world come crushing. I was left hanging. I was clueless about what just happened.

I’ve cried. Can’t stop myself from crying. I felt stupid for I’ve expected it to happen but still I end up crying. I ‘m in pain. The hell just happened to me?

Looking at the night sky. It’s the only thing that makes me feel calm and relax. But now, it makes me feel terribly bad because it only reminds me of you.

Weeks passed, actually a month. I’m still hoping, still waiting for an explanation.

“Okay”, I said to myself. I thought of all the probable causes, even the worst. “It’s okay if you forgot about me as long as you’re okay and fine.”

I’ve tried to get back to my usual self. “Everything’s okay again. I guess.”

Then, I saw a notification. My heart starts to beat fast. A message from you.

I was hesitant at first whether to open it or not. But I did, “why wouldn’t I? I won’t let my pride over power me.”

Mixed emotions starts to develop. My heart melts. I knew something went wrong. The worst thing that could happen to you, just happened.

You say your sorry about it. About not being able to catch up on me or hear anything from you. I don’t know exactly what to feel that time but I’m glad to know you’re okay. Somehow. You were even surprised when I replied on you. Guessed you expect me to be mad for leaving me hanging. But how can I be so mad?

I didn’t asked for any more details. I didn’t asked for any proof. I believed in you.

How I wished I could be right next to you. To take care and help you out. I know you’ve been through a lot.

We’re okay again. We talked just like the old days. Slowly, the pain fades. I was able to smile again.

It felt different though, but I didn’t mind. All I could think of was that, you’re back!

I’m crazy and stupid. I know! I should have stop myself from playing in a game that I know I won’t be able to win with. Then, it happened again.

I was left hanging…again. I laughed at myself.

I understand what you meant with those last messages. You’re just thinking about what’s good for me.

It didn’t hurt me the way I was hurt the first time. I didn’t cry. I didn’t cry, but everyday it felt like I am always running out of breath. It’s like I am slowly dying from the inside. That I don’t even know what else to feel. Emotionless. I so dead. I feel like I am walking dead.

I didn’t cry, no I didn’t. Not until I started writing this letter.

I didn’t get mad at you. I would never get mad at you. I know my limit. I know what we only have. I should know.

I should have learn how to separate my dreams and my reality. I didn’t regret anything. I’m happy I had a chance to know you. I was happy.

How can I forget how you made me feel? How you made me feel special, and the feeling of being loved. You taught me how to love again.

I hope someday, somewhere in some other time or place. We would be able to meet and turn our dreams into reality.

I will always be here just like what I have promised. I’ll be just right here, wondering under the stardust.

#Open letter #dearjohn #stardust #july2017

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Persistent

I'm tired of being into an endless waiting, hoping, wishing, dreaming for an uncertain things...but at the same time I'm scared. I'm scared of being used to not to have you in my life. I'm scared of moving forward without you. I'm so scared of losing you. Call me selfish but I want you, and you only you. I don't wanna lose you. I don't want to let go of you. I'm stubborn. Yes, I am. They've been telling me to let go of you cause I've been hurting myself too much. But... No, I don't want too. I will still hold on to every words that you said. I believe in you. I still believe in us. #dearjohn #Open letter #stardust #September2017

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If you can love the wrong one so much, just imagine how much you can love the right one.

Brandon Stanton (via quotemadness)

someday...

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How long will I hold on to us?

I know I’m not in the right place to ask you but, how long will I hold on into what we have? I know our situation is not easy. I maybe complaining sometimes but that’s because I just badly wants to be right beside you. I want you near me. And yes, the struggle is real.

I’ve tried my best to understand our situation. Your situation. It’s when you weren’t able to catch up or been away for too long. It’s hard, really hard. It makes me go crazy. But still, I’ve tried to understand everything. You.

Am I holding on into the feelings that we both have, or is it just me?

How long will I stay and believe in you? You know how much I put my trust in you. I always believed in you. I believe in you but for how long? how long will I keep my faith in you?

How long will I keep our promises? How long will I hope for our dreams to turn into reality? How long can I stay in this way? How long will I hold on to your words?

#dearjohn

#stardust #august2017

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Baby, please have mercy on me Take it easy on my heart Even though you don't mean to hurt me You keep tearing me apart Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart?

Mercy - Shawn Mendez

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If you're going to leave

If time comes and you happened to feel like leaving me, don’t hesitate to spill it out.

Say it and be honest about how you feel. Say it and don’t just leave me hanging.

Because…

I’m tired of being left behind not knowing that I’m all alone holding onto nothing. Holding onto something I thought I would never lose. Holding onto something that once made me the happiest person living on Earth.

Holding on until I realize that it already disappeared from my hands. It disappeared without me knowing it was already gone.

Don’t leave me hanging without saying any word because it kills me.

The feeling of being left hanging onto nothingness kills me.

It kills me, when someone suddenly leaves me without me knowing what I’ve done wrong. It kills me, for thinking that it was always my fault. It kills me, that feeling is slowly killing me.

It got me thinking over and over.

I won’t beg for you to stay. If leaving me makes you happy, I won’t stop you. All I’m asking is for you to just say it. To tell me honestly so I can let go. So I can let go of what I’m holding on. So I can get back on my feet.

So that I won’t be left hanging, dumbfounded.

#skullianira

#aug2017

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Taurus

Deepen Your Knowledge: Secrets hidden in your birthdate

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you're the reason why I listen to a love song... #crazyinlove #stardust

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😞

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😞

please follow

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#sunset