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reading ‘demon copperhead’ as someone who has family in west virginia and has spent a large chunk of my life there is so disheartening.

my grandfather grew up in a coal town, my father trained to be a coal miner before moving to chicago. it’s strange to feel such a deep connection to a place i never lived in. i feel such a pull to those mountains, that river that runs past my grandfathers house and the forest behind it. despite growing up in chicago, west Virginia was always where my heart lived. i love that beautiful place so much. i love it and the kind people and i hate how many of them will never love me back.

and growing up religious means that i also attended baptist churches in west Virginia and it’s just making me think…isn’t it so interesting & sad how southern people are the most faithful believers in God and yet they are the most abandoned by him?

it makes me think of the ethel cain lyric “And Jesus, if You're there, Why do I feel alone in this room with You?”

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Welp...

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graded the three students i supervised for their bachelor theses and gained an intimate understanding of logan roy

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making a collection

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I am the face of love's rage I am the face of love's rage

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tsk tumblrs been feeding posts to ai; i was getting all excited about using humble-boness to make notes because the tagging system is really promising.

like how do the scholars from the past do it, how do you bricolage how do you CONNECT THE DOTS, TELL ME.

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Does tumblr still hate tits... well, anyway, New butch pinups are live on my patreon, happy pride fellow butch lovers

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hi i'm like 25% through Story of a New Name and I'm enamoured with this story and how its written

I'm reading this party scene where Lenu is hobnobbing with intellectuals and Lila is there and it is so delicious the tension between the Theory that is being debated and these young women who haven't interfaced with it in the same way before

and isn't it a matter of feminism and socio-economics because what is all this political theory mean to these young women who have to spend so much of themselves just to survive from one day to the next?

and in her studying Lenu is plagued by all of this political theory and trying to decide what it means & meanwhile Lila is living it and seeing its effects in her world (between the carraccis and solaras and cerullos) but neither one can exist without the other.

it's such a good book i wanna eat it

I've been selfishly savouring this in my drafts for so long because it's incredibly good (it's such a good ask I wanna eat it 💖) and now I am releasing your commentary into the world without any redundant insights on my end. You simply Get It.

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friend watching over us as we eat dinner. circuit lab work. bottoms. another night out

the days are getting shorter! i can feel it in my bones and my mental health. i'm doing everything i can to not spend every free time i get just napping 😖

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fuuuuck that is my circus. are those…? yep… those are my monkeys….. goddammit.

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Art by Essi Välimäki

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i think ptolomaea by ethel cain is one of the most brilliantly crafted songs i’ve ever listened to.

the way it opens with this distorted deeper voice (isaiah) and you hear the sound of flies buzzing in the background underneath the voice, thats such a cool detail. and while isaiah is singing, you hear ethel incoherently mumble (you literally hear her say “mama?” its so 😭😭) as she’s waking up from the drugs. when we finally hear her voice, it’s high pitched, raw, and vulnerable. because of how vulnerable of a situation she is in, but she doesn’t realize it yet because of the drugs she’s on. so this whole beginning is echoey and it captures the whole aloneness she’s feeling.

and then we get a beat drop at “even the iron still fears the rot,” where the instrumentals are a little heavier, her voice is still high and raw but there’s a sense of knowing in it. (“hiding from something, i cannot stop. walking on shadows, i cant lead him back”) as her hallucinations and the drugs start to wear off, she’s facing this darkness that’s been eating away at her with “daddy’s left and mama won’t come home,” which is something she rarely comes to terms with.

then we get that dark distorted voice again saying “you poor thing, sweet morning lamb. there’s nothing you can do, it’s already been done,” which is incredibly terrifying. not to mention that deafening crash of the drums, god the way those drums thunder so intensely like you can feel the dread in your bones. and then we hear ethel’s voice again saying “what fear a man like you brings upon a woman like me? please dont look at me..” which refers to when isaiah tells her to “show me your face,” during that line. and she’s pleading for him to stop looking at him, you can’t hear it because it’s in the background but he says “come here,” and right after you hear ethel say “i can see it in your eyes, tell me, what have you done?” which then goes into a sea of begs and pleas for him to “stop, stop” until the final “stop” is not sung, but instead a bone chilling shrill shriek. which is cut off by “i am the face of love’s rage.” and if you listen to the acapella, during “i am the face of love’s rage,” right underneath that main vocal, you hear a second high pitched scream, you hear bundles “no’s” and even a “no! please!” which i think ties the story really well together.

in the acapella, while “blessed be the daughters of cain,” is being read out, you can hear the gargling and choking noises as ethel is struggling to breathe and as she’s literally dying its really sickening but so well executed from an artist perspective. and then at the very very end, you hear a death rattle like that is INSANE

i love ptolomaea, i love how the instrumentals create such a unique atmosphere that makes it as terrifying as it sounds and how hayden uses her voice in different ways to tell the story effectively. and it works, it all works.

ptolomaea is the best song on preacher’s daughter thank you for coming to my ted talk

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rough sketches

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I'm not .OK about these fullas

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Enemies to lovers will always be so funny to me

They're so domestic it's hilarious

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