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I’m...I’m sorry, I just this minute realized that there are people out there who have no idea that Heinz Doofenshmirtz is the best fictional father out there. You guys don’t mind if I bombard your entire dashboard with proof right? Excellent.

BONUS: Doofenshmirtz around children he literally just met who wrecked his ‘inator’.

Literally I could go on and on with examples but my computer’s starting to crash from the amount of images.

The point is that Heinz Doofenshmirtz is the greatest fictional father out there and anyone who says otherwise was hit by a Lie-inator.

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Everyone’s like “those Germans have a word for everything” but English has a word for tricking someone into watching the music video for Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up.

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Elizabethan Peasant 1: Look yonder! Someone has writ upon that ceiling that thou art most easily gulled!

Elizabethan Peasant 2: More fool they, for I cannot read.

Elizabethan Peasant 1: *sighing, lowers his visage unto his palm*

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Artists ahead of their time

Music is just wiggling air

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i entered the friendzone but all I found were enemies

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I’m fascinated by the fact that Phineas and Ferb is a show that actually exists Like I can understand how someone could have come up with the idea of an animated show about stepbrothers trying to find cool ways to spend their summer vacation And from there I can see how the characters of Candace, Isabella, Beauford, Baljeet, Jeremy, and Stacy came about But at what godforsaken point in the thought process did someone go, “Hey, what if there’s an ongoing subplot about their pet who’s a secret agent trying to stop a German guy from channeling his anger towards his abusive parents into conquering the tri-state area?” Just How

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today i found out that victor hugo has had more sex than possibly almost any other human that has lived on this planet. 

he had so much sex his biographers straight up gave up trying to document all of his sexual partners. he was reported to fuck up to 3-9 times a day. He had a secret sex diary written in code. He had “official” and “unofficial” mistresses. One estimate was that he had ~200 sexual partners in two years. 

Icon. 

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I came here to shitpost, and shitpost I will.

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why am I like this

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Besides training all the major Greek heroes, Chiron was also a doctor.

That would make him the Centaur for Disease Control.

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If u die in Pennsylvania, you respawn in the last wawa or sheetz you went to (depending on yr preference)

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no notes but it keeps getting faster

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Update: we should have seen this coming. Of course. Have we not learned.

me: i don’t really care about who wins the superbowl

tom brady:

me:

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New original 3D animated movie: Ducks. The secret life of ducks when humans aren’t looking.

Whenever ducks fly south in the winter, they’re actually flying to a big city of ducks where they talk and have jobs and have traffic lights with pictures of ducks in them and every billboard and storefront is a bird pun.

A generic duck guy is a young adult who feels inadequate because his dad is a big broker in the bread stock exchange.

He accidentally reveals the secret life of ducks to a human child, and now he must take her south with him to duck city. On the way they get into hijinks and find out about a big duck conspiracy or something.