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skzfairies · 4 months ago

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𖼥ৎ can i tell you a secret? ₍ yoonjin ₎

yoonah decided it was finally time to tell everyone about her and hyunjin. but at the end of the night - she wonders if hyunjin is the right man.

now playing > casual by chappell roan

yoonah always loved to try to count the amount of the stars in the sky. her and her little sister would sneak out of the house late at night and sit on the swings next to her house, yoonah would count the stars out loud, while her sister would sing a childern's song she learned from school. night was always so peaceful for yoonah, that's why she found it so hard to fall asleep at night, like she was now, sitting on the balcony of the dorm, snuggled in an old sweatshirt and hyunjin's pj pants.

night was a time where it felt like the whole wide world was quiet, where there was no obligations, no song to record, no dance to learn, and no reason to be looking her best. no one expected anything, no one needed anything. it was time for only her, her thoughts, and the stars. some nights she found herself fighting to stay awake just to cherish the time where it was just her, and no one else.

this time really allowed her to think, to ponder about her life. and tonight's topic, was about hyunjin. most of her nights she spent thinking about hyunjin. if he ate enough, if he was happy, the memories they shared together. but tonight, it was a little different.

it had been a month since they debuted. a month since district nine was released, a month since her life was changed forever. idol life wasn't what she expected it to be - she was alot more busy than she anticipated, but she loved it. she loved peforming on the stage, and she loved seeing all the hard work the ten of them had put in finally pay off. she loved meeting all the new fans, she loved hearing them cheer for her, cheer for them.

but, it had been a month since it all started, and as she reflected on her short career, she remembered seungmin's words from all of those nights ago.

"you have a month after debut to tell them."

well, they sailed their ship, they were all closer than ever, and yoonah never broke a promise. she had to tell the members. but, some things have changed since that promise was made. hyunjin had took her on a date, to a old theatre, where they watched a simple rom-com and shared a tin of popcorn. and then he took her on a couple more dates, each one better than the last, and eventually, he asked her to be her girlfriend.

it was so odd, to be dating someone without anyone knowing. she didn't even tell her best friend from high school that they were together. and while it made yoonah feel more secure about telling the members - it also made it more scary. they were more committed to each other now, and more strings were attached. sometimes she wished that the members would just figure it out, and be okay with it, and move on, but she knew it wouldn't be as easy as that.

yoonah was brought out of her thoughts when she heard the balcony door open, smiling when she saw jisung emerge from the door, sitting on the chair next her.

"what are you doing awake?" yoonah asked, smiling when jisung yawned, brushing his hair out of her face. it wasn't a rare occasion for one of the members to come check on her in the middle of the night, usually it was chan coming out to tell her to go to bed, or to just sit with her in silence. yoonah never wanted to be the first one to leave, so chan almost always had to carry the girl back to her bed when she fell asleep in her chair.

"jeongin woke me up when he went to the bathroom, and i was thirsty." jisung shared, showing the girl a glass of water. "what are you thinking about tonight?"

yoonah sighed, turning from the boy and looking back at the stars. she really wanted to be honest with him, she needed someone to talk to about it. someone that wasn't seungmin, who would only get upset, and hyunjin, who would get scared. perhaps jisung would understand.

"i'm thinking about hyunjin, to be honest with you." yoonah said, not daring to turn her head to look at jisung. she hoped that jisung had enough intuition to figure out what she was laying out, because if though she needed someone to talk to, it was scary to say the truth out loud, especially after hiding it for so long.

"you fight, or something?" jisung asked, smiling when yoonah shook her head, "let me guess - you got a little something something going on with him?" jisung said, laughing when yoonah only nodded in defeat.

"and i'm not sure how to break the news. i feel like chan would kill me, and changbin would definitely kill him." yoonah said, finally turning her head to look at the boy.

"nah, changbin wouldn't kill him. he wouldn't take away your happiness. he would only threaten him some. on the other hand, chan....i feel like he'd be a little disapointed. give him a few days, i think he would come around." jisung said, smiling when yoonah only frowned. "all of us aren't idiots, i noticed at least that you smile more around hyunjin. and it isn't your typical smile. you just, you seem more alive when you are with him."

"but how do i tell everyone else? seungmin already knows, but he was upset about it. why can't everyone just take it like you? and you can barely stand hyunjin!" yoonah exclaimed, brushing her hands through her hair in frustration. "im so scared that i'm going to be shunned or something, i'm just scared i'm going to cause issues in our group. we just debuted, too."

"they won't shun you. and not everyone is going to be like me and not care, but that's on them. you're a smart girl, i have my trust in you to not let this relationship impact the group. but, i would suggest telling chan first. and then break the news to each of them after. if chan is ok with it, then the rest of them would be too." jisung suggested, patting the girls leg.

"as much as i wish i could give you advice all night, i'm tired. and we need to be awake early tomorow, so you should probably go to bed too." jisung said, looking over at yoonah. yoonah sighed and looked at he watch, frowning when the clock already read midnight.

"i suppose so," yoonah mumbled, pushing herself up and following jisung back into the dorm. when she made it back into her warm bed, all she could think about was what chan's face would look like when she broke the news to him that she was dating hyunjin, and she couldn't deny that it left an uneasy pit in her stomach.

the next day, she couldn't stop thinking about her and jisung's conversation the night prior. his words brought some comfort to the girl - she was so worried that the boys would be upset, mad, or disappointed in her, she dreaded it. but jisung was right - they all wouldn't be upset for too long. it was her life and her relationship, she knew that even if they didn't like, they would have to get over it and forgive her eventually, right?

because while she was nervous to tell the members, she was more terrified that she would loose hyunjin in the process. what if they made them break up? what if hyunjin decided she wasn't worth the awkwardness or the arguing? what if one day he decides she isn't who he wants anymore, and leaves her? jisung said he trusted her - but the reality is, she knew it would be challenging if they did end up splitting up.

yoonah sighed, bringing her knees to her chest and throwing her face in her faces, a headache starting to arise from her worries. this seemed like too much for a eighteen year old girl to deal with.

"what's wrong, yoonie?" hyunjin asked, sliding down the wall of the practice room to sit next to her, handing her a water bottle.

"head hurts." yoonah mumbled, taking the water from hyunjin and drinking it. it provided some relief to her now pounding headache. "thought too much."

"what about?"

yoonah looked over at hyunjin, forcing a small smile. it was only the two of them in the practice so far, both of them were still waiting for the rest of the members to arrive to practice.

"have you thought about telling the members about us?" yoonah asked, chuckling slightly when hyunjin's eyes widened, his ears turning red slightly. "we made a promise to seungmin we would tell them after we debuted, jisung already knows. that leaves six members. but still scary."

"wait, how does jisung know?" hyunjin asked, furrowing his eyebrows slightly. yoonah smiled slightly - it would seem a bit odd to hyunjin for jisung to know so early, considering their drama they had before debut.

"we talked last night, he told me to tell chan first. but, that feels like waking up a bear." yoonah joked, trying to make the situation seem less scary than it actually was. if all ten of them were simply just friends, she wouldn't be as terrified - but while they are very close with each other, their are more factors to the situation than their friendship.

they were idols - an occupation where everything about you was overanalyzed, where every picture of you was zoomed in, people trying to find out anything about your personal life - even the type of chapstick you use. while she knew what she signed up for, it made things like romantic relationships hard. especially where fans and companies would act if you committed a crime if you dated someone.

"well - chan would defiently be one to start with. i mean, get the hard part of the way. maybe we will get lucky and he will yell so loud we won't have to tell the other members." hyunjin suggested, slight edge in his voice. yoonah only glared at him.

"you aren't helping me stay positive." yoonah said, biting her lip to keep herself from smiling when hyunjin gave her a hug.

practice went by like a breeze - all of the members acted like normal. like nothing was going on, even hyunjin was able to act disrectly with her, holding her hand and resting his head on her shoulder when no one was looking. she knew that once the secret was finally out, she would miss the thrill of hiding their relationship, perhaps the secret touches won't feel so special anymore, once everyone knew.

but then she would finally be able to get rid of the anxiety. minho had mentioned cooking dinner for everyone - so yoonah knew, she had to tell them then. there was no other time where should could get all of the members together, in the peace of their own home, and most importantly, no other staff in the room.

when she got home, she went straight to her bedroom, hoping to get atleast some time by herself to rehearse what she was going to say. sitting at her desk, she stared at herself in her mirror, taking deep breaths and hyping herself up, rehearsing what she would say. she knew the prep wasn't going to help anything, because she knew when she was going to start to tell them, everything would leave her brain. but it helped her feel better.

soon enough, dinner time rolled around, and she was seated at the kitchen table, surrounded by her nine members. hyunjin was sitting on her left, and jeongin was on her right. throughout the night, all ten of them had laughed, talked about nonsense, and yoonah allowed herself to smile, to relax, to take the relationship situation out of her mind for awhile. but when things had started to calm down and every one's plates were empty, she knew she had to act now. before everyone went off for bed.

yoonah cleared her throat, looking around at the members, smiling nervously when everyone looked at her in confusion. "i have a secret to tell you guys." yoonah whispered out, twisting the ends of her hair as she watched the boys look at her more intently.

"what did you do, did you break something again?" felix asked, referencing the time she dropped one of the members candles months ago. the rest of the boys laughed, but yoonah stayed quiet, she wish it was something as simple as that.

"no....hyunjin and I, we're dating. we have been for a few weeks." yoonah breathed out, placing her hand on her chest in attempt to control her breathing. she felt like she needed to gasp for air, like all of it was sucked out of her, but she had to stay confiscated, at least until she could sneak back into her room.

"dating? did i hear that right?" chan asked, his brows furrowing when yoonah only nodded. he had a face of disapointment, just like she expected, but she couldn't find a trace of anger or resentement. jisung and seungmin looked unbothered, but when she saw a glimpse of a smile when she looked over at jisung.

felix only looked shocked, his mouth slightly agape, and jeongin seemed like he was in deep thought, and yoonah had to guess that he was thinking about the pairs behaviors, trying to connect the dots.

minho seemed slightly angry - but at the same time he looked pained, she wasn't too sure what was the leading emotion.

"why do think this is going to benefit the group in any way? did you ever stop to think about the consequences?" chan asked, crossing his arms when he looked at the pair, sighing when neither of them answered. "we sacrificed so much to debut, and now you want to play this dangerous game? if the company finds out, both of you could loose the dream you worked so hard for. we all could. but you wanted to gamble that just so you guys can kiss and hold hands?"

"it's not like that - we know the weight of our actions. we're just casual, anyways. yes we're dating...but it's nothing serious." hyunjin said, and yoonah felt like her heart stopped beating. everything became quiet, her breathing stilled. casual? nothing serious? was that all the relationship was for hyunjin?

theyve only been dating for a week, but they were chasing after each other for a whole year before he even asked her out. she told him all her secrets, she told him all her insecurities, she was vulnerable with him. they slept in the same bed, they kissed and they hugged. and yoonah poured so much love into hyunjin, but to him..it was merely casual.

how could he define their relationship with such a plain word? he knew his weight of his actions? then he must know how she could feel her heart breaking, tears swelling up in her eyes, because someone that she saw the world in, the person she spent hours and hours of the day thinking about, the person she defined as her reason to keep going, the person who made her smile each day, said she wasn't anything serious to him.

chans voice made her tune back into the conversation, forcing herself to swallow down the pain, just for awhile longer.

"like that makes it so much better," chan said sarcastically, shaking his head. "i have to admit - i can tell you make each other happy. i think we all could see it. but it just bothers me you both let this get so far, without saying a word to any of us." chan said, uncrossing his arms. "but i'm not going to make you guys break up. but if you do something stupid, i swear to god."

"we won't do anything stupid, i promise." yoonah choked out, blinking quickly in attempt to see clearly, cursing her tears for disorienting her. "if i do, i'll leave."

"no one is leaving the group, regardless if something happens." changbin said, sending the girl a reassuring look. "if we survived the survival show together, then we can survive just about anything. we're a team." changbin says, nodding strongly.

the table was silent for awhile, everyone avoiding eye contact, yoonah looking at the painting in the living room, as if it would give her words of advice, solve all her problems, or magically make them go away. eventually, jeongin broke the silence.

"i'm happy for you, yoonah. he makes you happy, happier than what i have seen you." jeongin said, awkwardly patting the girls shoulder, yoonah thanked him, attempting a soft smile. hyunjin did make her happy - but it was hard to say anything positive right now when he just crushed her heart.

"if does anything to hurt you....i'll beat him," minho said in joking voice, but yoonah knew he really meant it. he was insanely protective over her, always making sure wasn't walking on the road side, hiding her when she was getting out of the car, and protecting her as they walked through crowds of fans, even if there was bodyguards.

"i think we all should go to sleep, and we can talk about this again later, we had a long day." felix suggested, standing up to stretch. yoonah took the oppurtunity, leaving the table first, and heading straight to her room, locking the door behind her. she changed into her pajamas, tucking herself into the bed.

and then she let the tears fall, replaying hyunjin's words over and over agian, the disappointment in chan's face, the anger in minho's, and the unamused look in seungmin's. she regretted it all. how could she let it go so far? why did she let herself invest so much into someone that didn't have the same amount of feelings back? she couldn't help but feel neglected by hyunjin. he never once defended her from scoldings, he never helped her when she was anxious in the crowd, and now he called her "casual". for yoonah, it felt far from casual.

her last thought before she fell asleep, was wondering if he was truly worth all of the pain. if she made the right choice telling him she'd be his girlfriend.

she wasn't too sure about the answer.

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skzfairies · 4 months ago

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〹 🪷 𓂂 ׂ 𓈒 WHAT MAKES — MILA? ۫ ⊹ 𖨂

SALLY’S MISTAKES ㅤㅤ⎯ Every time Sally slips up, Mila holds her breath. It's not frustration. It’s fear.

THE VEIL ㅤㅤ⎯ A prison and a masterpiece. It is everything they’ve worked for, everything they’ve lost. She loves those girls with her every being. They’ve put EVERYTHING into this group. And she is the one who must hold it together.

HER NOTEBOOK ㅤㅤ⎯ It looks like a diary, but it’s not. The words are disjointed, half-coded thoughts, reminders of the truth she can’t say out loud.

12AM TO 4AM ㅤㅤ⎯ (This will make more sense once the writings are released hehe). The only time she can act freely. She lives for those four hours, where she can breathe.

HER SILVER LOCKET ㅤㅤ⎯ The only thing she owns from before. It has a photo inside, but the image is so faded she can barely see it. She never takes it off.

HER VOICE ㅤㅤ⎯ Powerful, controlled, and hauntingly expressive. Even though everything else has been shaped by them, this is the one thing she refuses to let them take.

〹 🪷 𓂂 ׂ 𓈒 WHAT MAKES — DAON? ۫ ⊹ 𖨂

COLLECTION OF POLAROIDS ㅤㅤ⎯ She doesn’t remember when they were taken, but they make her feel something. There are five girls in them, laughing, holding each other like family.

HER GUT FEELING ㅤㅤ⎯ She doesn’t understand why, but sometimes, she just knows things. Like how she knows she’s seen Hannah Cho before.

JAEHYUN ㅤㅤ⎯ She’s not sure why he lingers in her mind. Maybe because she remembers him.

THE ROOFTOP ㅤㅤ⎯ This single fleeting feeling that lingers in Daon’s mind. Five girls sitting on a rooftop, promising to stay together forever.

HER BODY ㅤㅤ⎯ Every movement is perfect, every performance effortless. It should feel like victory, but it feels like something else. Something placed inside her.

THE PRESSURE TO FEEL FINEㅤㅤ ⎯ She doesn’t ask questions. She doesn’t dig too deep. She doesn’t want to know what happens to people who do.

〹 🪷 𓂂 ׂ 𓈒 WHAT MAKES — YEORIN? ۫ ⊹ 𖨂

THE MIRROR ⎯ She stares at it for too long sometimes, tracing her reflection like she’s trying to recognize herself.

THE WEIGHT OF EXHAUSTION ⎯ She can’t remember the last time she wasn’t tired. Maybe she was born this way.

THE IDEA OF FREEDOM ⎯ She doesn’t crave it because she doesn’t understand it. But when she looks at the other girls, she wonders.

THE MISSING PIECE ⎯ There’s something off about everything, but she can’t quite grasp what.

HER PERFECTLY REHEARSED WORDS ⎯ Everything she says is calculated. No hesitation, no emotion—just the right answer. Always.

HANNAH CHO ⎯ She can’t say her name out loud, she can’t remember exactly who she is or what happened to her. Even though all of that is true, she still has this feeling of longing for a friend. For Hannah.

〹 🪷 𓂂 ׂ 𓈒 WHAT MAKES — SALLY? ۫ ⊹ 𖨂

THE WORD RUN ⎯ A single word, buried deep in her mind.

HER STAGE PERSONA ⎯ Bright, energetic, and carefree. It’s a carefully constructed mask, but sometimes she wishes it were real.

THE PINK HAIRTIE ⎯ She always wears it on her wrist. It’s old and stretched out, but she clings to it. It reminds her of something warm—something before.

MILA’S LOOKS ⎯ There’s something in Mila’s eyes when she catches her mistakes—something between warning and desperation.

SLIPPING UP ON PURPOSE — She tells herself it’s nothing, just little mistakes. But deep down, she wants to remember.

THE FEELING OF DEJA VU ⎯ Places, people, conversations—everything feels familiar, but the memories don’t exist.

〹 🪷 𓂂 ׂ 𓈒 WHAT MAKES — NARI? ۫ ⊹ 𖨂

AN OLD WORN OUT BUNNY ⎯ Old, worn-out, hidden under her bed. She doesn't remember where it came from, but holding it makes her feel safe.

SILENCE ⎯ She speaks only when spoken to. She listens more than she talks. Words are dangerous.

FEELING LIKE SHE’S MISSING SOMETHING — There are gaps in her life, blank spaces in her mind. And she has been taught never to try to fill them.

THE FEAR OF PUNISHMENT ⎯ She doesn’t need to remember what happens when you break the rules. Her body already knows.

A SENSE OF LONGING ⎯ For what, she doesn’t know. But it lingers inside her, an ache she can't name.

BEING THE PERFECT MEMBER ⎯ She sings the way they tell her to. She dances the way they want. She never steps out of line.

#love this #so unique #i love how each thing has such a strong meaning

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skzfairies · 4 months ago

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𖼥ৎ can i tell you a secret? ₍ yoonjin ₎

yoonah decided it was finally time to tell everyone about her and hyunjin. but at the end of the night - she wonders if hyunjin is the right man.

now playing > casual by chappell roan

but, it had been a month since it all started, and as she reflected on her short career, she remembered seungmin's words from all of those nights ago.

"you have a month after debut to tell them."

yoonah was brought out of her thoughts when she heard the balcony door open, smiling when she saw jisung emerge from the door, sitting on the chair next her.

"jeongin woke me up when he went to the bathroom, and i was thirsty." jisung shared, showing the girl a glass of water. "what are you thinking about tonight?"

"and i'm not sure how to break the news. i feel like chan would kill me, and changbin would definitely kill him." yoonah said, finally turning her head to look at the boy.

yoonah sighed, bringing her knees to her chest and throwing her face in her faces, a headache starting to arise from her worries. this seemed like too much for a eighteen year old girl to deal with.

"what's wrong, yoonie?" hyunjin asked, sliding down the wall of the practice room to sit next to her, handing her a water bottle.

"head hurts." yoonah mumbled, taking the water from hyunjin and drinking it. it provided some relief to her now pounding headache. "thought too much."

"what about?"

yoonah looked over at hyunjin, forcing a small smile. it was only the two of them in the practice so far, both of them were still waiting for the rest of the members to arrive to practice.

"you aren't helping me stay positive." yoonah said, biting her lip to keep herself from smiling when hyunjin gave her a hug.

minho seemed slightly angry - but at the same time he looked pained, she wasn't too sure what was the leading emotion.

chans voice made her tune back into the conversation, forcing herself to swallow down the pain, just for awhile longer.

"we won't do anything stupid, i promise." yoonah choked out, blinking quickly in attempt to see clearly, cursing her tears for disorienting her. "if i do, i'll leave."

her last thought before she fell asleep, was wondering if he was truly worth all of the pain. if she made the right choice telling him she'd be his girlfriend.

she wasn't too sure about the answer.

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