sleepinbird

[sleepinbird]

If you are a vampire NEVER feed from someone named Richard. 400 fucking years and everyone still calls me Dick Sucker

[sleepinbird]

Kitty Kitty was begging me to turn the sink on, but I was running so hard on autopilot that I didn't register that she wanted the sink to be Just A Little On, and I ended up turning it on full blast while her head was right under the faucet. Luckily she, like me, only possesses 3 brain cells, so she didn't consider getting upset, and instead just stared at me while purring as her forehead became increasingly drenched and I realized what I had done.

[sleepinbird]

"I asked ChatGPT-"

I asked the voice in my head, he called your mother a whore.

[sleepinbird]

I have to assume that in the fullness of time, at least once, a mouse has used a mushroom as an umbrella.

That’s enough to keep me going.

[sleepinbird]

average tgirl experience of saying "we need to kiss" every few days and then continuing to be stuck hours and miles away. but still we must express that we need to kiss, it's important that this gets said

[sleepinbird]

scientists in the 1990s, putting a Get More Purple gene attached to a harmless plant virus into an already purple petunia: please get more purple

the petunia, sensing an apparent honest to god Get More Purple Disease, using the previously undiscovered RNAi antiviral ability to shut down all other purple genes along with it just in case: you put VIRUS in petunia? you infect her with the More Purple?? oh! oh! her children shall bloom white! jail for mother, jail for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!

[sleepinbird]

im powerful though

[sleepinbird]

can I stay in bed until 2025

[sleepinbird]

why would i ever want to escape the time loop? the time loop is awesome! i get to try the same things again until i can do everything right!

[sleepinbird]

me impatiently to the little french cat boiling me in a stew: chat am I cooked

[sleepinbird]

the top one is the recent one, i just wanted a little collection of "parents can support their trans kids and no one went on fire or died"

and one for siblings:

[sleepinbird]

"there's a guy in the walls" movies exist in a universe that I fucking WISH was real. imagine how easy it would be to install stuff in walls if the space behind a wall was not 3.5 inches/8.9 cm deep and I could get my whole self in there. of course that would mean a guy could get in there too, but what are the odds.

[sleepinbird]

10/10 dad joke

[sleepinbird]

my phone isn’t charging even though i plugged her innnnn dramatic ass bitch. YOUR PUSSY IS FILLED! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT

[sleepinbird]

just wanna be someone's favorite person, you know?

[sleepinbird]

Do a little dance. Make a little love. Get the FUCK down tonight.

[sleepinbird]

Astarion Ancunin in Baldur's Gate 3 (2023).