slightlyinsanemind - Tumblr blog

[slightlyinsanemind]

"In the back of my mind

I killed you

And I didn't even even regret it

I can't believe I said it

But it's true"

[slightlyinsanemind]

[slightlyinsanemind]

[slightlyinsanemind]

“ I’m standing here watching the world as it falls around me.  You’re so close, but I hope that you stop searching,  I don’t want you to foresee what i’ve become. (So please stop looking)  I don’t wanna hurt you, It’s not my nature.  A monster born, I’m fading more, can’t be your savior.  I’m falling victim, Remember the old me. ...  As who I still should be.”

[slightlyinsanemind]

Safe Place Chapter 1

Hey? Uh… Hey! Sorry, that was… Hi. I was… I’ve seen you here a few times, always see you reading. I also like reading. A lot. Figured, maybe that was a good way to break the ice. I don’t do this often… Talk to people I mean. I usually prefer to keep to myself. It’s complicated… You seem nice so, I thought, maybe I should give it a shot. Just trying to… try again, I guess. Anyway, enough of that. Uhhh… Books, right. I’m actually getting back into reading a lot again. I just got a lot busier over the years, college, internships, that sorta stuff. But I read a lot when I was younger. I’d buy like three or four books in a row and a few weeks later I’d be back at the bookstore to get some more. Luckily there was a really good used bookstore so they were pretty cheap. My favorite time to read was in the early hours of the evening, when the sun is starting to lower and it’s not blinding you. I made a little reading spot by my window. It was one of those, the wall is so thick, that the glass window was just put into a big hole in it, so I pretty much made it into my reading area, stuffed it with pillows and I’d just be there for a few hours. Reading. Forgetting about the world. Just me and them, the characters and worlds they live in. Their adventures, their dreams and friendships. I guess… Sometimes I was a little envious of them. They had something I didn’t. Genuine relations with people. Knowing that there’s someone that will stand by your side no matter what. During those hours I felt I had friends, imaginary as they were, but… it was something. What about you? Are you good at dealing with your own emotions? Or do you also need an escape? Something to make you feel safe when the world is so overwhelming and you just feel tiny and helpless to do anything, when you feel you can’t breathe anymore and you just want to scream to be left alone but you can’t because you’re breathless so you just end up falling on your knees and hope everything will just blow over, waiting for someone to help you up and promise they won’t abandon you, and the subsequent disillusion when you look up and there is no one to reach out to, that you are simply and utterly alone… Oh… I’m sorry… I just went off didn’t I? God I’m such an idiot. I’ve been told a few times “keep being like that and you’re damn right no one will feel like putting up with you”. Guess they were right. I’ll try to not act like that with you. Unless… you don’t mind. That you don’t find this too weird. That I can be myself with you. Ahem, anyway, we were talking about books, reading, and all that, right? What about you, what do you like? No, let me guess. Looking at you, hmm, you totally like dramas. I’m just kidding. Classics! I’m pretty sure Dracula by Bram Stoker was your favorite when you we’re younger. I get it, it’s pretty good. But I bet after that you totally read all of Twilight in like two weeks. Don’t be embarrassed, I did the exact same. So, the only logical follow up would be Romeo and Juliet. That I admit, I never read. But I’d like to. Of course, you don’t have to read or watch the play or anything to know the story, I mean, it is a classic and incredibly influential. The tale of two star crossed lovers that love each other more than anything else in their lives, go against their families so they can be together and end up dying together thinking the other had died and not being able to continue to live on without each other? Romantic is it not? Can you imagine a love like that? Loving someone so much that death itself is little more than an obstacle for them to be together? …Yeah. Did you ever love someone like that? I did. It didn’t go well. Not the other person didn’t die, just… never really loved me. It hurt, so much that it broke me and took me to… some dark places. It’ all right. In retrospect, it’s actually better things turned out like that. I learned to value myself more. It took some time e a thousand and one tears but eventually I came to terms with it. It made me stronger. I could finally see my own beauty. Now I can accept who I am entirely. All my insanity and sarcasm, my crappy jokes e dark humor. My loyalty. My ambitions, my dreams. Oh well… Books! Not done with that just that. I bet you’ve read those self-help books. The type that for some people it holds the secrets of life while for others they are nothing but nonsense and that the writers are snake oil sellers. I’ve read a few, here and there, out of curiosity. But still haven’t really made up my mind about them. On one hand they are interesting, an unordinary reading for me and that maybe I’ll learn something there. Or could learn if, on the other hand, I didn’t criticize and question every single sentence. Like, if someone is “guiding” you through life then should they not explain how and why they came to that conclusion and not be just “it is this way simply because it is this way”. Sure, some of the philosophies could indeed work if you apply them to your life and start seeing the results and realize that you’re becoming better than what you thought was possible. But we know life is not rainbows coming out of a unicorns butt. If we want something we have to make work for it. Have to plan, make things work and yet there’s not a guarantee that you’ll get what you want. There’s no bloody plan to life, you simply live it and make the best that you can. And live with it. You know, one day, in a rather boring class, I read this book, can’t remember the name, but it had a quote that went something like “If you did not become rich then you day was a failure. But if you became right than it was a success”. So, from that logic what can we consider a failure, success or wealth? I had the top of the class score in some test, is that a success? Great, but I don’t see how I’m closer to getting rich. More depressed, sure, but rich? But if I have the lowest I don’t see how I’m getting poorer from that. But, still depressed. Guess that’s really the only constant in life, uh? And lastly what kind of riches are we talking about? The millions that would pop in on my bank account? Or is the feeling of a job well done enough? Sometimes I think the authors of these books are a little out of touch with reality and how things really are. Damn… I started rambling again didn’t I? Guess we can drop the philosophical stuff before we go even further down this rabbit hole and it is way too early and we are way too sober. Unless you don’t drink. I don’t usually but sometimes I drink a bit when I’m alone at home just to… I dunno. Just to I guess. Anyway, let’s move… Oh, excuse me, my phone.   Sorry. I must leave. You come here often right? I mean, I know you do but… We’ll talk again one of these days, okay? Bye…

[slightlyinsanemind]

"When I look into her black hole eyes it is as though I'm being sucked into the depths of her soul, inviting me to unveil all her secrets."

Pink Mochi

[slightlyinsanemind]

"Her lips are like butterflies, when they move my heart beats into a storm of emotions."

Pink Mochi

[slightlyinsanemind]

“As the hours pass  I will let you know  That I need to ask  Before I'm alone  How it feels to rest   On your patient lips   To eternal bliss  I'm so glad to know”

[slightlyinsanemind]

“Hey there little stranger There're questions I need to ask How do you say I'm sorry How can you earn back somebody's trust 

You must think I'm crazy but I get it that it's hard You see there's a person I've really hurt“

[slightlyinsanemind]

“I'd rather live in my thoughts  'Cause dreams are all that I've got  Real life is such a bitch  And I'm so sick of it,   Every time my voice goes off pitch”

[slightlyinsanemind]

[slightlyinsanemind]

“And it's hard to know Is there no way out? Life's short  Why does it take so long?  We're only here once Why blame yourself? “

[slightlyinsanemind]

“Another evening I'll be sitting reading in between your lines  Because I miss you all the time (...) I'm on top of you, I don't wanna go 'Cause I really wanna stay at your house  And I hopе this works out”

[slightlyinsanemind]

[slightlyinsanemind]

[slightlyinsanemind]

Insanity

Sometimes I just want to put a bullet in my brain The voices in my head Say I’m going insane

The endless screams My shattered dreams And constant nightmares But who cares?

I remember Her warm embrace Where I felt the safest In a cold December

Infinite Insanity The agony And tragedy that follow A mind that is hollow

I want to die I want to be saved I want to cry I want to be loved

I want everything I want nothing

I want...

Her

To kiss her lips To dry her tears Look into her eyes For all of my years

Words unspoken Inflicted pain Promises broken Washed with the rain

What the future holds for us, my dear I cannot tell But I promise you This is not farewell

[slightlyinsanemind]