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I'm sorry I left the way I did. I still think of you sometimes my old friend, hope you are well

Not sure who you are since you're on anon, and that's 100% fine /gen But I likely forgive you xD (being silly)

Because none of the friends who like... hurt me by leaving me I have any ill will for? I'd take any of them back if they wanted me in their life

Like as I said I do still appreciate the friends I did make, and I wouldn't have felt hurt if I didn't care for them as much as I do.

Again, speaking about my own experiences; if someone you care about is abusive then it's a lot more complicated

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This account will still be up, because I liked what I made with it, but...

I have to be honest with myself, I did lose interest in the owl house around when I first starting losing motivation to write.

Season 2 was too dark and angst driven for me to keep my love for it alive. I know everyone else probably loves it for how dark and serious it got to be for a kids' cartoon, but I liked season 1 so much more.

It really does hurt me to say that, but I've fought myself long enough to admit that season 2 and 3 were too much for me. Death as a topic in it was too heavy for me as someone who is very very afraid of the nothing that I think comes after.

And the whole extermination and genocide route they went with Titan Trappers and Belos was too much as someone who takes interest in the dark aspects of history; it felt too real and depressing.

When you really think about it, the titan trappers succeeded in killing all titans, unless titans can reproduce asexually. When King dies in how ever many years it takes for titans to die, the last titan is dead.

King is not only the last of his species, which wouldn't be the case with human genocides, but what you can compare to real life is that he never even got to learn his own culture and he never can because of what the titan trappers and the archivists did.

And for Belos; there are many people you can compare his irrational hatred of witches and demons to, living and dead. He has always felt like he hit too close to home for me, which is why I occasionally still have nightmares that feature him (don't worry I know it's still ridiculous; as my Ao3 account is named I am a SelfAwareWeirdo)

So, yeah, had this bottled up for a while trying to convince myself I still loved the show, but my love started dying around episode 14 of season 2, when the topics of death and loss started hitting harder and more realistically

I love the characters, and my own character, what it did for my art progression, but I think I have to let go of it now and admit I don't feel the same joy as I did when it was just season 1 and 2a

I feel more dread than happiness when I think about having to watch it again, which is not a feeling something I love should give me.

Basically... Just trying to say goodbye, and I appreciate that people liked my work and the friends it allowed me to make, even if most of them ended up hurting me by leaving me the way they did, it was still a time in my life I felt happy and loved (^ doesn't apply to abusive situations! Please try to get distance from them if someone you love is hurting you while you're still in each others lives or after you left theirs)

Thanks for the support! <3

PS if asks are sent I might still reply, but not with the intent of making anything, just 'cause I do like replying to things

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I'm glad you exist.

thanks c:

Left this in my inbox for way longer than I meant to, but I did feel happy seeing this, if a bit confused about why I got this ask lol

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Oh, actually one thing to add

Just to have it stated I'm still completely open to ideas! I still like to create content for this fandom, it's just not my main focus anymore

A lot of the reasons I don't create here is my lack of ideas for new stories or art, so if anyone has ideas I'm still up for it! :3

So the correction is basically; I'm not going to be working on stuff just on my own, but if I get sent ideas I like I'll try to work with them

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So...

Guess what happened like... a few days after I made that post?

EHHHHHH- THE SCARLET VIOLET DLC EPILOGUE CAME OUT AND I GOT OBSESSED WITH A SHIP WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

So like... This is going to sound weird, but I really hecking shipped Kieran with the protag (not myself) of the games since September 14-15 when I got the DLC and played The Teal Mask

Mild spoilers, but I was pretty upset with the story because of how it made our character treat Kieran, since Kieran reminds me a lot of myself and gives me that "I need to keep him safe" feeling that people who I see myself in gives me

They force you to lie to him and side with his abusive older sister while giving you fake half assed choices of dialogue and I was genuinely going to never buy a modern pokémon game again if the story wasn't resolved

And I'm not the type of pokémon fan to say that lightly as this is the first time I've ever said it without it being driven by trying to fit in with the fandom. (I.E I might have said I wouldn't get Shield on SoaringLark back in 2018 if the starters weren't shiny huntable, but that wasn't really a dealbreaker)

So yeah, it was a big deal, but sorry this is turning a bit rambly-

Point being that I was really fond of Kieran, but hated how they handled stuff with that big of a gap between a "To Be Continued" and a resolution to the bully victim "snapping"

So. What does this have to do with my blog here?

Well, it uh... snuffed out the last of my Owl House interest writing-wise for now... Of course the characters still have a special place in my heart and all that and I'll likely come back to it at some point but... right now my inspiration is my goofy little Pokémon trainer ship

I was thinking about making this post yesterday night, so now I'm at it. Basically I'm back into writing something that I really enjoy, but... it's the wrong fandom ^^;

Really sorry about this all... I hate letting people down and I didn't realize this was going to happen like... a day later, so I'm really really sorry about all this

At the same time I really should have seen this coming in some way, because as is evident with some of my AU fics; pokémon is my core special interest, I just never expected a character like Kieran to appear in the games and actually make me want to write with canon characters that weren't the Pokémon themselves

Edit: forgot to state my reasons for the ship; basically Kieran's behavior around your character reads/looks like how someone behaves around a crush

And it's easy enough for me to imagine the main character returning the feelings, so ship

TLDR: Sorry, got new obsession right after last post and will be gone for way longer than the amounts of time I've said before. Unless I've mentioned being gone forever

I'm pretty sure I will come back at some point still

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not dead (yet anyway)

Half joking with that title, but I'm just being literal, since we'll all die some day lol

Anyway, just came here to say that I'm still not working on anything, but I'm finally feeling some resolve from what happened both with my friend Jax and the... darker stuff that happened

I had a conversation with a few people irl was what helped me make up my mind

I do feel more sure that I can post stuff again without having to feel like it was my fault that someone got hurt, because I did everything I could to make it clear that it wasn't why I created stuff and I can't control what others decide on their own to do. And when it came to it I did what was my responsibility and warned my friends and community immediately

My problem is still though that I haven't really felt like writing since before I moved out... It's a weird feeling for me too, because I used to be really nerdy/happy about it, but I haven't felt the same passion in a long time

I think I probably just need to actually set up a designated Writing and Other Artsy Stuff Day where I don't do anything else just to get back into that habit, because I used to have a day like that every other week when I lived at home and was at my mom's

Anyway this was basically just an update post

I want to get back into both my TOH interest (because it's still very strong when it comes up just... not as present) and writing again, which kinda tends to become vore writing, so that's why I'm writing a post on this blog

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had a vore dream

NS/FW blogs fuck off (from my posts anyway)

still not going to be too active here, but as the title said I had a vore dream and it was pretty strange lol

basically, it was about King's dad, except he wasn't *the* titan like in canon and for some reason he was a really cool-looking wyvern with a skeletal tail and thick furred body and neck with large dark wings.

(I believe part of the dream carried over from me dreaming about when people were making King's species design before the fact that he was a titan was confirmed)

So in this dream, King's dad was looking for him and ended up finding him with Luz and basically he doesn't know she's not going to hurt King so uh... vore lol

Just to establish how this went; Luz is going to be safe, because King pleads with his dad and tells him she would never hurt him and that he really cares about her. I am specifying this for a reason, because I have had vore Nightmares (that I would never share here, because they can get so disturbing I wake up feeling like I need to vomit)

But it kinda went like he quickly got King off Luz, grabbing her, before he swallowed her whole. In the dream there was also Willow, Amity and Gus, but they didn't really do much so it's kinda irrelevant for this, but I still wanted to tell

that was all there was to it, but I just thought I'd share, because it has been a while since I had a vore dream that wasn't somewhat disturbing and unshareable (I have nightmares very often, so even just dreams are rare)

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not going to be posting for vore day this year lol

been having some weird mental block when I want to draw that activates some pretty harsh anxiety in me and I haven't been able to write for a while either

Me posting less is kinda a combination of a couple things, so... idk if I'll be getting back on my feet any time soon

I haven't lost interest in the owl house, but rewatching it makes me nervous so it's making me slightly less focused on it

Just wanted to post a little thing, so nobody has to sit and expect anything from me in vain ^^; I know most of my followers are american/on that side of the world, so timezones mean that it's at most early morning

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NS/FW blogs FUCK OFF

I’m not back to regular posting by any means but I did a little vore doodle a few days ago and I might as well post it

Potential pokémon AU outfit for Luz

It’s more sporty/outdoorsy than her canon debut design, because pokémon is a lot of wilderness travel

She’s having a little snooze, because at the moment I’m sticking to comfy vore scenarios, because… while semi-vent pieces can be nice it’s not the right time for me

Side note… I just want to say to any friends that might see this; I’m sorry if we don’t speak as much, but I still do love you all a lot

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To be CLEAR, I'm not saying Jax is a horrible person!

I'm saying Jax was a bad friend for me

This is not a call-out post! Just a vent about having a shitty friend

Personal things again; fucking having an amazing time /s

Btw if anyone did notice; I was friends with Flapjack-hunter, but I do not know what happened to his blog and at this point I don't care

I don't know if he intended this, but he pulled the exact same shit another friend of mine did that he knew how upset I was over

I'm never going to forgive him for that, because I don't believe he's the person I was friends with at all now

He was my best friend, but after this I've lost all trust in him and I couldn't care less if he were to apologize to me

Jax, if you ever see this; you were my best friend, but you knew how this would hurt me and this was a step too far for me to want to forgive you

I will be deleting the reblogs of his stuff, but it's not out of respect for a request to delete it if he left tumblr; it's because I don't give a shit about him anymore

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Personal things again; fucking having an amazing time /s

Btw if anyone did notice; I was friends with Flapjack-hunter, but I do not know what happened to his blog and at this point I don't care

I don't know if he intended this, but he pulled the exact same shit another friend of mine did that he knew how upset I was over

I'm never going to forgive him for that, because I don't believe he's the person I was friends with at all now

He was my best friend, but after this I've lost all trust in him and I couldn't care less if he were to apologize to me

Jax, if you ever see this; you were my best friend, but you knew how this would hurt me and this was a step too far for me to want to forgive you

I will be deleting the reblogs of his stuff, but it's not out of respect for a request to delete it if he left tumblr; it's because I don't give a shit about him anymore

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I'd like to say that you yourself never did anything wrong in the first place. The fault lies with the users seeing the content and making poor choices on what to do with it. I've always loved seeing you post and will miss you greatly.

Unsure how to reply to this...

TW: to do with the situation from a couple weeks ago

(long post but important)

If you are the previous anon; I don't care what I did or didn't do wrong: I'm angry that the minor, who was already blaming themselves, is getting blamed by others.

Even if this is another anon, I have a lot of stuff I want to state again (+ a bit of information I want to make more obvious, because the point of it wasn't clear in my first post)

Don't fault the minors in these situations; adults took advantage of them. And pushing them away completely from SFW/non-sexual communities means you're only shoving minors to the more likely to be predatory sides

I want minors here to know that if you feel uncomfortable with any adult you should speak up; adults should not be making you feel uncomfortable or push your boundaries when you voice discomfort

And if you don't it's not your fault! It can never be your fault. Those adults know what they are doing and you can't push the blame onto yourself for what some disgusting creep decided to do to you.

Something I also realized later was that les-the-mess intentionally targeted this person... Remember the minor stating "she reposted your art to me without credit"?

That meant the predator knew of my content and age (as my age is public) and still decided to find a minor to approach about their disgusting ideas. If she wanted to just talk to a person about her vore kink in general she could have approached me, but she chose the person who had their age stated as only being "minor" rather than the 20 year old

This was targeted abuse of a minor, but even if it wasn't it would never be the victim's fault

I'm just very disgusted by this whole thing and what I just mentioned was one of the worst realizations for me. This person KNEW what she was doing... I didn't doubt that she did, but the realization that she intentionally went after said person was still shocking

BTW it was not the minor just engaging with "vore posting" that caused this; they were a creator themself when the groomer targetted them.

AND FOR ANY VICTIM BLAMER: IT WAS STILL NOT THE MINORS FAULT! It will never be the minors fault that an adult took advantage of their innocence for their own twisted pleasure... If you can blame a minor, or any victim, I don't get you

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I'm real pissed at that anon from about a week ago... I seriously hope it wasn't someone who follows me and just someone who stumbled onto my post, because that was not the type of person I'd want following me

I think what I'm going to do in the future if I keep posting is withdraw from tags again; it makes my content slightly less accessable.

Though I am taking a long break from this blog (I know I've already not been posting in forever, but it's more confirmed now)

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tbh allowing minors to engage with voreposting enables grooming even if it isn't overtly sexual

I don't agree with that wording

I keep going back and forth with myself on what to think of this whole situation in terms of how much of it was me making it easier for them to hide is the thing I'm worried about

And as someone who was a minor while in the vore community for many years I never experienced anything negative myself (just so that you don't think I only view the whole community as unsafe now, because I don't believe that)

I also want to say that, either way I decide, my blog will still be up, because I want to keep my voice, hopefully recognizable name and the ability expose any behavior like this

But here's why I disagree with the wording: you're putting the responsibility to stay safe on the minor (victim) and that is unacceptable. The adult should always be held responsible for their actions fully, because they were the ones who took advantage of a minor's innocence (or even in other cases simply their trust that the adult wouldn't be hurting them)

It's a form of victim blaming and I will not allow that here; none of what happened to the victim was their fault for what happened and I WILL not change my mind on that

Being a victim of this will NEVER be the victim's fault no matter what

TW: mentions of sexual assault on/violence against minors and adults

It's like the digital version of "Well... you shouldn't go out at night then, if you don't want bad things to happen" The bad person on the street should have never even CONSIDERED hurting the person in this situation

If a kid happened to sneak into a place they shouldn't and got sexually assaulted (which you can I suppose compare this to a minor getting into an adult club in the worst scenario) You blame the adult that did the action, not the kid who snuck in

I know you might not think that's what you said, but it's implied in the fact that you focus on the victim rather than the groomer's actions in your message

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Hey, don’t go blaming yourself for what happened man, what that person did was their decision and theirs alone, they wanted to be a creep that was their choice, you had nothing to do with their horrible behavior

I will be taking some time to think about it, but a lot of it is also just that I don't feel very comfortable posting because of this situation that happened

I definitely need time to think about this

I'm only replying right now because I don't want to just ignore this at this moment, and I want to say that (in case I get more asks) I will take a lot longer to respond (potentially days but I don't know yet)

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I'm debating if I should stop posting on this blog

TW/CW: discussion of grooming/groomers

The situation that happened... it's making me consider if my behavior made the groomer feel safer to target the minor...

I don't want to be cultivating a community where plausible deniability is so easy to gather for someone like that.

If I wasn't as wary (and didn't have the curiosity I have) as I am, then they could have gotten away with it.

I don't know if this content is worth the risk of more kids/teens getting hurt, even though I would never let this behavior slide

My mindset before was only on people being gross about the content and I never considered I could be making actual child predators feel like they could use this community to prey on children...

I feel like I have provided this predator with cover and I'm just... It's part of what makes me feel sick to my stomach and like I need to stop posting

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Well, I think it's safe to say that I'm not going to be in a creative mood for a while... I'm going to be a lot more on guard from now on as well; my hatred for people like Les is turned up by twice what it was and that's saying a lot

I'm so sorry for the victim of this situation and wish I could have done more to keep them safe, but ultimately I didn't know and could only potentially have reacted faster by 3 days (as of this moment), because that was when the DeviantArt profile was made

I am serious when I say I DESPISE people like this... I will do anything to keep younger folks safe and not let this type of person go unnoticed

If you have experienced any discomfort in this community by an adult; tell someone in your real life that you know you can trust and get away from said person that hurt you

I hope if there are any more disgusting creeps following me that you know I wouldn't hesitate to call you out like I did this person and I hate you with all my being