slversoul

[slversoul]

freddie 📩 theodore

freddie: hey!

freddie: [...]

freddie: (this is me swallowing my pride nd messaging u first so don’t be a fuckwad)

freddie: (and dont get any ideas im just bored)

freddie: how are we? chilling-at-the-5th-circle-of-hell bad? or good enough to drink mother’s 15 yo attic wine w me?

freddie: [...]

freddie: come over?

freddie: [...]

freddie: hi

freddie: hiiiiiiiiiiiii

freddie: voulez-vous AH HAA take it now or leave it AAHHH HA now is all we get AHHHHHHH HAAAAA

freddie: nthing promised no regrets voulez-vouuus AH haa aint no big decision AHhh Ha u know what to do ahH HA

freddie: ur welcome!

freddie: text

freddie: me

theodore: hey

theodore: have you already been into the wine?

theodore: you don't seem okay

[slversoul]

freddie!​

     freddie has — had a cat, toe nail was her name and she was her best friend. she was proud of it too; toe nail accompanied freddie to school trips, was her emergency contact and had her very own checkbook with yummy fish cartoons in the back of each page. it was a special yet strange bond like they shared one pea-sized brain, like freddie could speak in cat language or perhaps it was toe nail who spoke to freddie when they were left alone. “oh it’s just like toe!” she said after watching andy’s toys coming alive for the first time, spooking her older brother, followed by a “weirdo.” comment. but all good things must come to an end — a late night argument with mrs. golding, in reality it was no different than their usual stuff, but freddie thought she had enough, proceeding to pack her custom made l.v trunk with all the pointless shit she could get her hands on, just to leave her cornerstone behind, toe nail. eighteen days later she crawled back to the familiarity of her golden cage, partially expecting a welcoming parade from her one and only. nothing. toe nail ignored her for as long as she physically could and when freddie tried to grab her, which happened on several occassions until freddie could no longer handle the pain, toe nail would scream and shriek and meow and scratch like all seven of her lives depended on it, leaving freddie alone with the ugly truth: the bond she cherished so much was broken beyond repair. it’s been over two years since she last saw her cat, now happily living with mathilda, rubbing salt into her wound. the slight touch of arms, the toothy smiles, the nonchalant giggles; they take her back, and she doesn’t scream or shriek or meow or scratch like toe nail once did, but stares at her friend with an empty smile. vindictive and stupid, freddie called toe nail for jumping ship, but now she understands why, her heart, cracked open and bruised and mouldy, sits in front of her friend’s shoes; stupid and vindictive she feels. “no one can leave?” freddie snorts, shoulder moving only an inch to be free from the other’s contact. “gonna have to pass on that, sounds like a fucking nightmare. but you should do it,” arms folded across her chest, she begins to walk in the opposite direction, almost hoping her friend would take the hint and just leave before the soul of toe nail possesses her and she indeed starts biting and scratching and saying things she may regret later. “maybe for your next spot? could be fun.”

it was a strange thing to be confronted with the consequences of her actions. when she left, things ceased to exist. irving was put on pause, no one moving a muscle in the weeks that she was gone. coming back was like hitting the play button. no one would miss her. no one would acknowledge that she was gone. instead, they would embrace her warmly, tearing up even. as freddie moved away, antonia tilted her head to the side, perplexed by the action, confused why she wasn’t happier to see her. they were best friends. they were best friends. what was a few weeks of silence? it wasn’t a secret that she moved around frequently. there was no reason for freddie to be upset that she did exactly what she said. still, when freddie pulled away, she took anotnia’s heart with her. with a simple gesture, she felt the cavern in her chest grow. took it as conformation that, while she could be adored, she wouldn’t be loved. if the one person she trusted couldn’t accept her for who she was, no one could. the thought rattled around her head, nothing else there to clear that thought away. at her words, antonia realized she had said the wrong thing. she hadn’t thought about it. she never thought about anything she said. it seemed the problems were piling on. the list of mistakes growing, and she only saw it as a conformation bias. reasons why she shouldn’t get attached. reasons why she shouldn’t stay somewhere more than a few months. reasons why she should never come back. “it’s a great idea, but you’re just too blinded to see it. i always thought you were a genius, but even i can be wrong i suppose.” she filled her words with a haughty air, staring smugly at freddie through squinted eyes, arms crossing over her chest, a contrast from the large, open gestures she was usually performing around the other girl. “yeah, sure, why not. me and my new friends will go do it. i’m sure ida would love to riot with me. she actually already has pitchforks in her garage. she was showing them to me last week. even let me borrow one to key her neighbor’s car.” the words were shouted, strained amusement flowing through them as her eyes were glued to the retreating form of her former friend. she should have turned around too, but some part of her was desperate to a get a rise out of freddie.

[slversoul]

FOR NYLA ( @ncbodyshome​ )

things had been weird for a while now and theodore padget couldn’t figure out where they all went wrong. the problem was there were too many instances that could have been the tipping point. the beach. the fight. he wasn’t sure, but his mom was complaining more and more about his attitude problem, telling him he needed to get out of his room and go hang out with friends. but he was never in the mood. rather, he was slowly becoming more and more like his high school self, when his dad first got arrested. sulking. wallowing in self-pity. theo was the epitome of a brat. he wasn’t so spoiled anymore but it felt the same. fed up, his mother had managed to lock him out of the house, telling him to go find something to do other than put the rest of the house in as foul a mood as him.

theo was ambling along the sidewalk, hands shoved deep into pockets, eyes peeled to the ground as he kicked gravel as hard as he could. this was quickly put to a halt when he realized he hit someone’s leg. eyes moved up slowly, something familiar about them, but he couldn’t quite place it. he moved to meet their eyes, not to apologize for kicking them but to issue a challenge. until he realized why the legs looked so familiar. drawing in a breath, he took a step back, needing physical distance to represent their emotional distance. “hi, nyla.” he tried to muster up a smile, but he knew it didn’t come close. “didn’t mean to kick you with that gravel there.” almost an apology and something he would only give to them. “how....how are you?” he hesitated to ask this but he was at a loss for words, desperate to stay in their presence. 

[slversoul]

[slversoul]

FOR @freddve​

“freddie!” she shouted, arms wide open as she ran up to her friend. the action was done as if it hadn’t been weeks since they last talked. weeks since antonia left without a word, cutting off all communication with someone who she’d considered her best friend. it hadn’t been personal. quite the opposite really. what she had hated the most was how content she’d become in her life. the way she could imagine herself in the beach town a year down the road. she wasn’t meant to be settled down but traveling and changing and leaving. one late night, with no thought, she packed and drove up north. this wasn’t acknowledged as she reached the other girl, but glossed over with a smile that showed every tooth. she knocked her shoulder into her’s. “i’ve been thinking. i think we should try to unionize this entire town. cause some chaos and get everything shut down for a week at minimum. no one can even leave the town. everyone has to stay inside while we riot in the streets.”

[slversoul]

“I was surprised, as always, by how easy the act of leaving was, and how good it felt. The world was suddenly rich with possibility.”

— Jack Kerouac, On the Road

[slversoul]

FOR @svltairs​

the license plate slipped off easily under her fingers, so easily it fell right to the ground, the clatter echoing throughout the parking lot. she looked up, meeting the eyes of the only other person in the place. instead of looking away, antonia just met her eyes and smiled broadly. “i’m so tired of this thing. like look.” picking it up with her index finger and her thumb, she held up the frame. “look how boring this is. just the car dealership. i want one that’s like bright pink and sparkles, blinding all of the cars behind me.” all of this said as if it was her car, and not just some vanity plate she wanted for her own car. 

[slversoul]

* drew starkey, cis male + he/him | you know theodore padget, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, eight years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to dark child by marlon williams like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole sunglasses indoors, loud words to hide a deep emptiness, bruises covering a shirtless chest thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is december 25th, so they’re a capricorn, which is unsurprising, all things considered. (cornelia, 21, est, she/her)

Keep reading

[slversoul]

* benedetta porcaroli, cis woman + she/her | you know antonia kavinsky, right? they’re twenty-three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, eleven months? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to purple yellow red and blue by portugal. the man like, a million times this year, which makes sense, ‘cause they’ve got that whole wine bottles dropped in the middle of a party, false perception from social media, leaving before the lights come on thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is august 4th, so they’re a leo, which is unsurprising, all things considered. (cornelia, 21, est, she/her)

Keep reading

[slversoul]

random drew starkey mix part 1

[slversoul]

“The trees you planted in childhood have grown too heavy. You cannot bring them along. Give yourselves to the air, to what you cannot hold.”

— Rainer Maria Rilke, “Part One IV,” from Sonnets to Orpheus  (via willowingsleep)

[slversoul]

📱 dolly hymen?

bradley: hot. and wear some in a vial around ur neck i hope?

bradley: piano shit's a bit overdone. why not drop a marble statue u had commissioned of bruno mars with a goatee instead? always hated that cunt. packs more of a punch.

bradley: oh i'm so scared i'm shaking i'm fucking chomping every nail down to the bone feel like pure shit why fucking why 💔

darlene: we're the next machine gun kelly and megan fox.

darlene: i'll get a tattoo with your blood to cement our love if that makes you happy.

darlene: wow you're so kind to critique my murder skills. maybe you should be the one killing me.

darlene: only the good die young.....take it as a compliment saint bradley. soon enough they'll put your death in stain glass windows. dont think there is a higher compliment than that. kids crying when they look at your portrait.....

[slversoul]

freddie 💌 antonia

freddie: we dont hv to practice. its even better if we play it by ear. deffo sexier.

freddie: 👁👄👁

freddie: umm ok toni u do u. im so like the queen nd saviour samantha jones. i dnt judge.

freddie: oh............ let me jst....get on my notes app.....suddenly inspired fr a 3some smut.... y/n x mike x snake girlie

freddie: checked nd her name is celia. mitolia supremacy!

freddie: we will be like sisters😍 sully & mike have that sibling vibe goin on fr them...yay

freddie: the area 51 raid flopped so hard. we're soooo much better omg

freddie: choose one from cars?

antonia: whatever comes to us in the moment....

antonia: we should start an improv club!!!!! think of how good wed be at that nd the way wed rise to fame quickly!!!

antonia: you might as well add yourself in that.....i wouldn't want to have sex with them if you weren't there !!! thats what friendship is all about

antonia: the only answer is lightning mcqueen....kachow!!!! i think i would marry owen wilson

[slversoul]

joan!

samson’s general demeanour at this point gives joan the impression of someone whose centre of gravity has just been knocked on its ass. she shrugs at his rejection of the garden salad and resists the small-talk that rises to the tip of her tongue (you’re missing out would be the thing to say, in that harmless teasing tone with the final vowels all drawn out, sing-song) but it seems that samson is choosing small-talk anyway. “fine, thanks,” she says, parroting all earlier iterations of herself. every time people have these conversations its like standing in a circle of mirrors, she thinks, looking down the line at an infinite number of you. and then she feels foolish and pretentious for thinking it. it’s a foolish and pretentious thought. you’re grasping at straws, she thinks. get a grip. “how are you?” she smiles at him in a last-ditch attempt at normalcy which doesn’t end up feeling as unnatural as it should. “you have a very, uh, thousand-mile stare look on your face right now. you good?”

they were in a western movie, at a standoff, a tumbleweed rolling between the two. conversation didn’t roll easy between them, something that made joan stand out in his mind. sitting and listening. the two things he was best at. but now there had to be more than that, a challenge samson was unsure if he was capable of rising to meet. he didn’t return her smile, but he met her eyes, turning her question over and over again in his head. “fine, thanks,” he mimicked, using her previous words as a momentary deflection to figure out what to do.  “do you ever think about how some moments will be memories? in only a few seconds, this conversation will be nothing more than a memory you can change in your head. how do you know you aren’t already thinking about the memory? that you aren’t playing and distorting it in your head right now?” hands gripped the water cup in front of him, unconsciously spelling his brother’s name in the condensation of the glass. the questions were meaningless but he posed them anyway.

[slversoul]

abel!

If Abel had to imagine what Samson’s apartment looked like, this would be the last thing he’d conjure in his mind. They’d hung out enough at this point, always at Abel’s beach house or downtown for drinks, but that didn’t mean they hadn’t gotten to know each other well enough. Maybe he should’ve expected this - it was due to the surprise that Abel couldn’t help but start grinning, scoff of disbelief crawling out of his throat the second he was stepping inside. Despite everything though, the sound was embarrassingly fond, “Apparently your place’s got the most breathable air in all of Irving,” Abel noted, pressing his lips together so it wasn’t obvious how amused he was. He’d been worried for a moment in the elevator, knee creaking in typical fashion - familiar but annoying, the groan of a rocking chair that won’t stop squeaking no matter what - when he’d ignored the warning signs of it acting up to carry the pots, but he’d just about forgotten about it by now. Obediently setting down the plant where Samson pointed, he found himself all but flopping into a seated position beside them - refusing to mention it, reaching to pinch gently at the leaf of one of the plants like they were shaking hands as an excuse for the break, “I’m not very good with plants,” Abel admitted, shocking himself into follow up silence momentarily. Abel didn’t admit he wasn’t the best at anything, but it came out surprisingly easy right then and there, “I just always overwatered them. Even when I thought they weren’t getting enough they’d always drown,” Glancing over at Samson, nose scrunched in regret, “And I think they could tell I thought taking care of them was a chore - plants are fairly empathetic, aren’t they? I’ve seen those projects where people give them positive and negative reinforcement. I never bad talked them or anything, but - I wasn’t giving them positive energy, that’s for sure. They seem happier here. Plus I’ve been told I think too much, anyway. It’s a work in progress. Any tips on that would actually be very helpful.”

there was a certain intimacy in letting abel into his apartment. not many people even knew where samson lived. inviting abel into the room was samson’s way of saying ‘i trust you’, words he would never say otherwise. he could see what cabinet samson kept his plates in. which wall his couches faced. that he made up his bed every morning and had a pile of books stacked on his bedside table. he could find out that samson ate honey nut cheerios every morning or that he didn’t have napkins, only paper towels. his apartment was the collection of his life, the little things that made him him and now abel was a witness to it all. “i’d like to think so. this town can be suffocating, like even the buildings have eyes. watching and watching until you slip up and fall into a hole there’s no coming back from.” back home, it was easy to be anonymous. easy to blend into any crowd. in irving, he had been turned inside out and hung up on a display in some kind of museum where people felt they had the authority to analyze him and shape him to their expectations. his eyes stayed on the plants, watching how they bent to the light, but he observed abel from the corner of his eye, taking notice of the way he sat next to the plants, tenderly touching their leaves. something about it seemed natural, like he could be the newest addition to samson’s collection. he hummed in response to his words, hands moving to hold onto the hem of his shirt, gripped tightly like he’d fall over if he let go. “plants are the hardest thing to take care of.” in his opinion. “it can be harder to tell what they need because they aren’t able to make sounds, but they have other cues. they help you start to pick up in nonverbal cues in people too. like the way someone shifts when they’re about to say they like something they hate.” face moved to look directly at abel, lips curved up in a small smile as amusement filled him as he explained he overwatered plants. “stick your finger in the soil if it’s dry, they need to be watered. you can practice on these plants if you want.” a small offer, but it felt monumental to him as he inclined his head slightly toward the jungle in his living room. 

[slversoul]

FOR BEAU ( @melichryscs​ )

she glided through the house, sometimes on her tiptoes, others, without her feet being lifted from the ground. boredom seeped into every pore, so when he lightly touched her shoulder to tell her that her shoe was untied, antonia turned on him like he had wished death upon her and her entire family, creating drama only to amuse herself. she looked down at her dirty white sneakers, at the untied shoelaces on both of them. “i cannot believe you just said that. clearly you don’t know anything about fashion, but to make such a comment about the way i choose to look? that’s way harsh. my self esteem just went right down the drain, and my boyfriend’s going to have to beat you up now.” she grabbed the nearest guy, not thinking much about it. the other retreated, with hands held in surrender. “thank you so much. you really saved my ass back there.” voice full of relief like he actually did much. “i dont have anything to give you in thanks. actually...” antonia trailed off as she ran her fingers through her hair, collecting loose strands. she held them out to him. “you could sell these for a pretty penny.”

[slversoul]

Wolfgang Novogratz in The Last Summer (2019)