smartchicken

[smartchicken]

my constant emotional state

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Happy Mermay! Scary mermaids deserve love too 💕

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“that’s just the way the world works” it literally doesn’t have to be but okay

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the ocean once brought me a skinned deer. and then the skin a couple days later. on behalf of my scarred younger self, i would like to express a strong preference for trees

sometimes the ocean just brings you. big trees.

just massive pieces of driftwood. and thats okay. its normal.

[smartchicken]

Mindy Kaling Talks About Ocean’s 8

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if you’re a baby gay and this is your first pride, watch your drinks! men are trash across all sexualities

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Ive never played dnd before but if I ever get to be a dm I’m going to present it as a serious game the first 2 or 3 sessions no funny sounding names no nothing its all high fantasy and serious before completely shattering it in the worst way possible

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Hugh Jackman’s most sexual non sexual moment @roberttkazinsky

↪ Okay, so you will probably hate my answer here, but as a Scogan fan, this is my answer. There is just something about the way that Hugh Jackman delivers this line as Logan where the undertones just come off very sexual to me. I’m sure this is an awful answer, but it was honestly the first thing I could think of.

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one time i went to a work event with my dad and he was talking about some celebrity and one of the other guys there was like “i have no idea how you know all this stuff, i’m too old for this” and dad was like, “oh, you know, i’ve got teenagers” in a very ‘they force me to watch their garbage’ sort of way at which point i realized dad had been using me as a smokescreen for his love of mtv for years

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We need to have a nomination for “Stupidest thing Tumblr.com has ever believed” and just move into an official Top 10 List.

For my nominations, I’m putting up:

If you eat a chocolate bar a very specific way, you will break physics and get infinite chocolate.

or

It is impossible that you spelled “Berenstain Bears” wrong and is, instead, more likely that the universe fractured into separate, overlapping realities in the last 20 years.

I can’t decide which is more beautiful. It’s why we need a vote.

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I want emo versions of idioms

Like, instead of ““you’re barking up the wrong tree” it’s “you’re panicking at the wrong disco”

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A Statistics teacher in Gotham makes a graph comparing times when Bruce Wayne goes on long vacations with times Batman gets beaten up really badly by villains to illustrate to his class how correlation does not equal causation.

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In case anyone wants some perspective on how utterly random triggers can be. I haven’t lived in a house with a garage door in four-ish years. Right now at this moment, I honestly can’t recall what they sound like, except something metallic moving and rather clanky.

There was one on tv. I wasn’t even paying attention to it, I had my headphones on and was actively trying to tune the show out. My ears picked up on the sound of the garage door, and a jolt of adrenaline shot through my body as I grabbed my laptop and moved to get out of my seat and run to my room.

I realized what happened after about two seconds.

The sound is gone from my ears, but my heart is still racing and I’m waiting for the door to the house to open, to hear the jingling of my mother’s keys and her footsteps moving through the house. My muscles are still tense and I’m fighting the urge to run to my room and stick a board in front of the door.

For years, the sound of a garage door was my warning to pack up what I was doing quickly and retreat to my room if I was out of it.

I can’t remember the sound of the garage door right now, but I can’t tell my brain to stop trying to react to it.

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she wears short skirts, i leave a slime trail  she’s cheer captain and i’m just a