smile2rajeev12

[smile2rajeev12]

*****ANGER*****

"Red is such an interesting color to correlate with emotion, because it's on the both ends of the spectrum. on one end you have happiness, falling in love, infatuation with someone, passion, all that. on the other end, you've got obsession, jealousy, fear, anger, and frustration."

                                                                                  -Taylor Swift

It is that state of mind that destroys the ability to think. A person responds spontaneously without thinking. It is a sudden reaction to a situation.

One does not go in depth of the situation or problem, unaware and not bothered about the outcomes, they react as a result that situation becomes more complex. A person does not want to change, he want things to happen according to his will, and when things don’t happen their way then he/she starts having issues or problems. Anger hurts their ego, they become indecisive and looks for immediate solutions.

Anger takes the best from you, it kills our intellect, and decisions taken in hurry always lead to destruction. But when we realize it, it’s too late because time gone by never comes back. It leads to stress, regret, depression and insomnia.

Anger kills our serenity. Unless and until you don’t have a peace of mind, how can we expect things to work in a right way?

Anger agitates us, it exaggerates even the smallest of problems and further complicates easiest of the situations because it makes us lose our patience and wisdom. We have heard this proverb several times in our lives ‘patience is the key to success.’ But have we ever thought about it why it is so? The problem is that we know everything but we fail in its application.

Problems are part and parcel of life, in fact everyone’s life but when it comes on us, we have nothing to do, we give solution to others but we don’t find a solution for our own self. We have all the tools present within us but we stress ourselves just by thinking about the problem as we are least bothered about finding a solution, we do not like others to intrude our privacy, our lives, we are not open to suggestions. We can only give advice to others.

I have gathered few real time experiences about the causes of anger:

Ø  Manoj Chinta says “he gets angry when things don’t work according to him, he isn't aggressive but he suppresses his anger which is more dangerous because he keeps it within him and piles them up which often leads to outburst as a form of resentment, later that bottled anger was released either in front of his family or closed ones.”

Suppressed anger is more dangerous because Suppressed anger  can be an underlying cause of anxiety and depression. Anger that is not appropriately expressed can disrupt relationships, affect thinking and behavior patterns, and create a variety of physical problems.

Ø  Shekhar Sharma says “गुस्सा इस्लिये आता है क्युंकि मेरे अंद्रर कुछ करने कि कबिलियत है, पर वोह चीज़ मैं कर नहि पा राहा हूँ! कई बार मुझे इस् बात पर मुझे सब्से ज़्यदा गुस्सा आता है की मेरे पास उस चीज़ को करने कि कबिलियत तोह है परंतु उत्ना सामर्थ नहि है! दिन मैं जो छोते-छोते गुस्से आते है उन्का प्रमुख कारण यही है ! इसलिए मैं फ़्रस्ट्रेटेड और इर्रिटेटेड फील करता हूँ!”

Ø  Vivek Gautam जी का कहना है "मैं अपने नेचर को चेंज नहीं कर पाता, जिसको दुनिया प्रैक्टिकल बोलती है, वह मेरी नज़र में मतलबीपन है, परिडाम मुझे चीज़ें एक्सेप्ट करनी पड़ती है , सिचुएशन में ज़बरदस्ती अपने आपको ढालना पड़ता है, जिसका मेरा दिल गवाही नहीं देता! इसलिए मुझे गुस्सा आता है एंड आई  फील फ़्रस्ट्रेटेड!"

Solution: अपने आपको थोड़ा समय देता हूँ, देन आई ासेप्ट दोज थिंग्स एंड आई फील गुड!

Ø  Mohan Lal Gupta a general store merchant says”आ जाता है गुस्सा गलत बात पर, जब मेरी बात कोई नहीं मानता तब मुझे बहुत गुस्सा आता है, कोई चीज़ नहीं मिलती तब भी गुस्सा आता है! गुस्सा शांत करने के लिए पानी पी लेता हूँ या सो जाता हूँ!”

Ø  Raju (Labor) "गुस्सा इसलिए आता है अगर काम ज़्यादा पड़ा , बच्चे घर पर रहते है, बच्चो की टेंशन रहती है, सोच-सोच कर गुस्सा आता है. मैं यहाँ देहरादून में काम करता हूँ और बच्चे बाँदा में रहते है. अकेलेपन में गुस्सा आता है! गुस्से को संभाल ने के लिए बीड़ी पी लेता हूँ या तंभाकु खा लेता हूँ फिर गुस्सा शांत हो जाता है!"

Ø  Ashish Kainthola का कहना है " जब कोई चीज़ मेरी इच्छा अनुसार नहीं होती तब मुझे गुस्सा आता है, ज़्यादा तर केसेस में एस पर सिचुएशन की वास्तविक्ता को देखने के बाद की हर चीज़ मेरे अनुसार नहीं हो सकती है, इस कारण गुस्सा शांत हो जाता है!"

Ø  Dr. Vilas BDS Surgeon says” जब टीनएजर्स बतमीज़ी करते है, रोड पर while they do rash ड्राइविंग तब मुझे बहुत गुस्सा आता है, मैं इस बारें में कुछ कर नहीं सकता यह सोच कर शांत हो जाता हूँ! आम तौर पर जब भी मुझे गुस्सा आता है तब आई don't keep इट, मैं वही उसे निकाल देता हूँ, so that I don't  face प्रॉब्लम at all. I have learned so many things from my life, it’s not important to me. I get angry but I try to avoid it somehow.

What Causes Anger?

A leading cause of anger is a person’s environment. Stress, financial issues, abuse, poor social or familial situations, and overwhelming requirements on your time and energy can all contribute to the formation of anger. As with disorders such as alcoholism, anger issues may be more prevalent in individuals who were raised by parents with the same disorder. Genetics and your body’s ability to deal with certain chemicals and hormones also play a role in how you deal with anger; if your brain doesn't react normally to serotonin:  It has a popular image as a contributor to feelings of well-being and happiness, though its actual biological function is complex and multifaceted, modulating cognition, reward, learning, memory, and numerous physiological processes you might find it more difficult to manage your emotions.

Physical Symptoms of Anger-Related Problems

Strong emotions often bring about physical changes to the body, and anger is no exception. Letting anger issues go unaddressable can put your overall health at risk. Some physical symptoms of anger-related problems include:

·         Tingling

·         Heart palpitations or tightening of the chest

·         Increased blood pressure

·         Headaches

·       Pressure in the head or sinus cavities

·         Fatigue.

Depression and Anger

   Depression and anger go hand in hand and can cause a revolving cycle that’s hard to break. Lashing out in anger can lead to alienation and feelings of guilt, which can lead to depression. Long-term depression can make it difficult to handle emotions, increasing the likelihood of anger outbursts. Often, the only way to break this cycle is to seek professional help. Dual Diagnosis: Addiction and Anger Drug and alcohol addictions can decrease your ability to deal with anger. It’s important to seek treatment options that deal with emotional and physical issues related to your disorder. A treatment program that addresses anger without dealing with addiction leaves you vulnerable to emotional issues in the future. Likewise, attending a group to discuss your addiction without mentioning your struggle with anger makes it likely you’ll use drugs or alcohol to deal with emotional pain in the future. Look out for the following patterns of behavior If you are concerned that you or someone that you know may have anger management difficulties, you should look for the following patterns of behavior:

·         Becoming especially angry or violent when consuming alcohol

·         Struggling to compromise or arrive easily at mutual agreements without getting angry

·      Problems with expressing emotions in a calm and healthy way

·         Ignoring people or refusing to speak to them

·         Inward aggression that can lead to isolation or self-harm

·         Outward aggression including shouting, swearing, or being physically violent and threatening

·         Substance abuse or addiction

·         Cycles of bad behavior which may be affecting relationships If you struggle to control your anger then you may often misunderstand constructive criticism as a challenge to your authority or capability, and this can then trigger confrontational behavior. Over generalizing, for example stating: “You’re never there for me” is quite a common behavior if you or someone that you know is struggling with controlling anger. Obsessing about how things ‘should’ be and predicting or jumping to conclusions about others’ behavior is also something that should be taken into consideration, as well as blaming others for negative situations when problems arise that may not be their fault.

The Nature of Anger

Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and nor adrenaline. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

 Expressing Anger

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us. People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive not aggressive manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others. Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships. Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside. As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone or something is going to get hurt."

NEED

If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better.

 Problem Solving

Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem. Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.

Better Communication

Angry people tend to jump to and act on conclusions and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering. Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck. It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger or a partner's let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.

Changing Your Environment

Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap. Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.

Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself

Timing:

If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.

Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "Well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep your-self calm. Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.