smilelaughandneverquit

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Nanny job with a boy who has angelman syndrome is a challenge.

He doesn’t show any emotion. He doesn’t show signs of being hungry, sad, bored, happy, frustrated, tired, etc.

He doesn’t talk or walk. The PT wants him to draw every Thursday (aka I hold the market over his hand and I move his arm to draw.)

Last Wednesday, I got on the floor at PT to cheer him on while his dad was on the phone waiting for class to be done which felt weird. Shouldn’t his dad be his biggest cheerleader?

I love this sweet boy. I just wish I knew what he liked or didn’t like. I wish he made some sort of sound maybe then I’ll know if hes hurting in some way...or cry?

It’s also really hard because of the pandemic-I can’t take him anywhere. I know I can try the park but he puts EVERYTHING in his mouth so if I set him down, it’ll be me constantly trying to distract him from the grass or sand.

I feel discouraged bc I know I am trying. I’m working on helping him walk, his fine motor skills, his exercises, his homework....but what if I am doing it all wrong and it’s actually worse for him?

I’m trying to find a support group where I can share my struggles. I’m finding nanny groups but there’s not sharing the struggles I am facing.

I also am jumping from working as a caregiver with seniors for 5 years to children...which’s much as I love the change, it’s all new to me.

#expressingmythoughtsonpaper

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10 Things I Learned Today

You have to admit trauma happened before you can start to move past it.

Just because you know what's wrong and what you need to fix, doesn't mean you know how to fix it.

There's a difference between not making an effort to get better and not knowing how to get better.

Just because something is in the past doesn't mean it can't or shouldn't affect you.

Destructive behaviors brought about by difficult circumstances can still pervade when you're out of that situation, but that doesnt mean you're a bad person and you can't get better.

Stuff can happen in life that will put you back somewhere you thought you were past, and that's okay.

Just because you arent making continuous progress doesnt mean you arent better than you were. It's okay to just tread water for a bit.

It's important to forgive your past self for not knowing any better.

Mental illness needs constant maintenance, and it can be exhausting, especially when what used to help doesn't work anymore. Just because you're not getting better doesn't mean you're getting worse.

Patterns of thoughts and behaviors can take years to unlearn, but it doesn't mean you're doomed to make the same mistakes for the rest of your life. Patience is a virtue, especially in recovery.

Things are really tough for everyone right now, and it's hard to remember it won't be like this forever. It's okay to only do the bare minimum if it's what you need to get through it. Be kind to each other, and most importantly, be kind to yourself :)

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I don’t know the reason. I don’t know why it helps.

All I know is that stting in front of the heater calms my anxiety.

I have tried other things but this always helps me. I had a week long panick attack and I forgot that this helps me and sure enough I felt calmer.

I’m sharing this in hopes that this helps someone out there that has anxiety too💖

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my favorite flower 

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Moon lover

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The perfect aesthetic

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kinkaku-ji, kyoto

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“Some people think that to be strong is to never feel pain. In reality the strongest people are the ones who feel it, understand it, accept and learn from it.”

— powerofpositivity.com

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“I feel like a failure because I’m struggling to become something and I don’t even know what it is.”

— Unknown

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“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”

— Jodi Picoult

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“I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape.” - Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

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工工𠘨长丂尸工乚乚

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