smilesession

[smilesession]

fever of >103 for three days in my no air conditioning apartment no nothing just rolling in eternal agony on my uneven bed on the shitty floor that had holes in it since before i moved in. I’m seasick in here I’m seeing pink elephants on parade in here

[smilesession]

I’ve been sick for 4 whole days going on 5 and I have a fever of 104. is there a doctor in the house

[smilesession]

It's quite possible that the 1960s represented the last burst of the human being before they were extinguished. And that this is the beginning of the rest of the future now. And that from now on there will simply be all these robots walking around. Feeling nothing. Thinking nothing. And there'll be nobody left, almost, to remind them that once there was a species called a "human being". With feelings and thoughts. And that history and memory are right now being erased, and soon no one will remember that life existed, once, on the planet.

Andre Gregory - My Dinner With Andre

[smilesession]

[smilesession]

Michael Haneke

[smilesession]

i need to stop being sick right now so i can get up and get dressed and drive myself to go see eddington tomorrow....i dont want to hear a single peep about EDDINGTON (2025) until i get to see it

[smilesession]

This is so beautiful

[smilesession]

[smilesession]

[smilesession]

[smilesession]

thanks mom for my soda milk, its gross and its gross and it reminds me of my own mucous

[smilesession]

i really have a problem with the labubus. i mean, everybody loves it so much, but it is not my culture. i come from communism, i never liked labubus to play with. when i was young, i was playing with invisible beings and shadows. i never liked objects

[smilesession]

*normie voice* surely impulse is authentic and contemplation is distortion

[smilesession]

saw a car dragging a labubu facedown through the street

[smilesession]

I’ve been feeling really doomed and like my life has a bubble that is going to burst as soon as i finish the bachelor’s degree I’ve dragged out as long as i possibly can. on all levels i had the intellectual capacity to get a bachelors degree probably by age 17 but none of the gumption to do so

i skipped a grade in school but then immediately dropped out (thereby essentially “catching up” but still having missed two full years of social and behavioral development - in 2014-2015, like some kind of pyrrhic omen of the COVID generation!) to lay in bed for a full school year, rotating through SSRIs and ultimately dodging them all so I could freely Robotrip and sneak other, funner prescription meds the whole time. scrolling tumblr listening to albums playing Toontown Rewritten talking to no one. yeah ive talked about this plenty, it feels like the hypocenter of my nuked life.

so now im gonna graduate with my bachelors as a 26 year old, feeling like a retard, feeling like the “there’s a 56 year old woman here 😂” meme. totally could have done it at 17, or at 22, or at 23 if i ever would have taken any approach to life other than FORCING time to dilate around me. not exactly arrested development because I don’t think I’ve ever been a particularly childlike person, but certainly some kind of severe out-of-stepness

and i feel like when the bubble bursts when i graduate and there’s no more time to dilate while maintaining a facade of the time actually moving in a particular direction, things are going to get really dire really fast. when i reach that point of an undeniable failure to launch you know, all of the compounded avoidance and its consequences becoming real and visible

[smilesession]

I’m sick but i have several days off and it’s overcast and rainy outside

[smilesession]